Book Jacket

 

rank 5445
word count 24317
date submitted 09.11.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy, Comedy
classification: adult
incomplete

Mistaken

Meaghan Emery

A choose-your-own-adventure story for adults featuring misplaced secretaries, sarcasm, dragons, dramatic misuse of spears, and arrogant men with wings.

 

You are Terran McKensay, the privileged daughter of an indulgent businessman, and you are about to be kidnapped. No, not by the creepy man with the combover, but by the dashing man in a loincloth behind him who just so happens to have wings, a rather short temper, and, in your opinion, the overall intelligence of a rotting walnut. He mistakingly believes you are the harbinger of an ancient prophecy and are destined to save his people, and all your attempts to convince him otherwise just bring glowers and pouty-faced dismissals. In this story, you control your actions. Will you trust your admittedly good-looking kidnapper, or stab him in the ass with your three inch spike heels? Will you risk dragons, broken nails, fist-sized spiders and other forms of extreme danger to rescue a group of people you know nothing about, or will you scream until they take you home? Will you lead, or will you follow? The possibilities are not endless, but they are at least impressively vast...

 
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tags

choose your own adventure, cliches, cross-dimensional travel, cussing, demons, fear of heights, fire-breathing dragons, general incompetence, gross mi...

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12 comments

 

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Walden Carrington wrote 635 days ago

Mistaken is an imaginative adventure. Backed with pleasure.

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 698 days ago

Backed on my bookshelf because this read is more fun than the movies where the cardboard 3-D glasses keep falling off my nose. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) (Literary Agent Blues)

MeaghanMG wrote 918 days ago

LOVE choose your own adventure stories! I had a great time reading this (it's been on my shelf for awhile now)



Thanks Tazumi! I had actually forgotten I had signed up for Authonomy until your message showed up - I believe I have a great deal more of this story, and it is certainly better refined, and I'll post it in between panicking about NaNoWriMo. :)

Tazumi wrote 925 days ago

LOVE choose your own adventure stories! I had a great time reading this (it's been on my shelf for awhile now)

phillberrie wrote 1241 days ago

Hi,

I was surprised and delighted to find a CYA here and am currently on chapter 8. I am definitely going to put you on my watch list and come back later; it's after midnight here at the moment.

I noted some typos as I was reading through which I have listed below.

---

Chapter 3 Edits

"please, do you know here" should be "please, do you know her"

Chapter 4 Edits & Comments

"laundrey" should be "laundry"

"girls bathroom" should be "girl's bathroom"

"You wipe you mouth" should be "You wipe your mouth"

I suspect when she ditches the shopping you need to have her complain about not ditching the purse.

"I'm probably going to be ok" should be "I'm probably going to be okay" or "OK"

'important thing to be focusing on.' should be 'important thing to be focusing on."' missing quote.

"you say with without enthusiasm" should be "you say without enthusiasm"

Chapter 8 Edits

"The Fighter for the Tombs" should be "The Fighter for the Tomes"

"true objet of his interest" should be "true object of his interest"

"know how to found you" should be "know how to find you"

---

I hope this is useful.

I would also appreciate any comments you might have on my own book 'Engelian Adventures: Transgressions'

Keep writing.

Phillberrie.

JAK wrote 1277 days ago

Oh lord, meaghan, I loved the short stories and this is so different but so very clever. I admire someone who can really play with conventions and you certainly do so with great confidence. It's pity that the whole text isn't here because i was having a really good time playing with all the transitions and seeing how they'd fit together.
Don't change it into a linear novel- why shouldn't adults play?
The characterisation is clever too. this must have caused such technical difficulties when you are writing in second person but you have managed to do some very shrewd stuff through her actions and those bits at the beginning about her family.
I like this a great deal so i'll give it a place on my revolving bookshelf.

If you have any time to read a bit of Sim this week i'd be really grateful- to say that it is tense would be an understatement.

adrienne1982 wrote 1277 days ago

Bitingly funny! I have to admit, I was put off by the 'choose your own adventure' aspect, but once I started reading found that it didn't bother me. However, I have to agree with Nadia (below) in wondering if it would be commercially viable with this format. Even if it's not, you could easily turn this into a non-choose your own adventure novel. I think Terran is a great character, rather self-aware and completely unself-aware at the same time. I see what Illusionary means with the lack of emotional engagment, but I'm not completely sure it's necessary, at least for what you have posted so far. I guess depending upon how far this goes it would be important to incorporate, but you could build to that. Anyway, I'd love to see more!
A few nitpicky editing things:

in Chapter 10 when Ketz is speaking, the line reads “None no for sure what transpired the day he entered the cave…” should be know, not no.

the second paragraph of Chapter 12, when describing the length of time to reach the river, write out the word ten. Same with the number thirty in the following paragraph. Having the word spelled out rather than in numerical form flows more easily.

Later in Chapter 12: “it looks like a badly done fabrochet egg” I think you mean Faberge (with a little accent over the last e- sorry, too lazy to do the font thing)

In Chapter 14: “Sure it’s car sized and can breath fire…” should be ‘breathe’ and I think there should be a hyphen between car & sized.

Nadia Williams wrote 1281 days ago

Meaghan, I've read a bit of this and I'm intrigued. What an idea. I just don't know if it will be commercially viable. I also think it needs a bit more editing, but nothing major, just a few nitpicks here and there.

Illusionary Nothing wrote 1289 days ago

I have to say, this is quite an interesting idea for a 'fighting fantasy' type story. You are clearly a skilled writer, and this is unusual enough- and amusing enough- to go quite a long way (or in my opinion, anyway). My main issue is that your character cracks more lines than she does actually emotional engage. Admittedly, this works rather well without the emotional side, but I feel like it could be even better if this were incorporated.

One final nitpick: the corresponding sections are all right next to each other. I know this could well be convenience's sake in terms of putting together AND having it read by others on a website, but nonetheless I just thought I'd mention that, when the final product is actually there in your hands, its generally better mixed up a bit more.

I can't wait to read more, and indeed, intend to return to this. :)

zenup wrote 1289 days ago

Meaghan, thank you for your comments on 'Weird Company' - I had proofread the entire section before posting, so maybe something got lost in translation, I'll double check. In reply to your question, yes, 2nd person does that to me - of course, if that's Choose Your Own Adventure style, what can I say? Oops! Not my genre. However I really like literary - fantasy - sci fi combinations, particularly with sardonic wit thrown in.

zenup wrote 1290 days ago

I have to say, I really struggled with the POV here. It's so distant. Had you thought about using something that lets the reader get closer to the action & emotions? I was interested in checking 'Mistaken' out, because of the combination of fantasy & comedy. I'm not quite sure if I should list my 'Weird Company' as 'fantasy' with humour, or what. Hence my interest in your story.

AJK wrote 1292 days ago

I am your first reviewer! Intriguing writing! I looked for something different and liked your blog. You have a very unique idea here and something very different.This was and I'm sure it will be a fun,quirky read! Angela

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