Tanner Spirit: Dawn of Darkness

This is fun! I did enjoy reading your MC reading.
Sorry I've only read the first chapter, but it's late. I hope to come back to this, though.
Is it finished?

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

Sean,
I had to laugh when Tanner thought to use the Cliff Notes because I thought of that the moment before I saw it in print. It was funny how you provided the truth behind his lies to the teacher so the reader knows he's being dishonest with her. Tanner is one of those typical students who hates the assignments he's being given and you portray him so realistically. Tanner Spirit: Dawn of Darkness is a very imaginative work well-suited for the fantasy genre and the young readers who relish these fantastic tales.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Wow! It's uncanny how similar our main characters are! I greatly enjoyed reading the first chapter and several times I found myself thinking "thats something Rainer would do!" It made me smile.

Your writing is clever, and your sentences are well constructed. I loved Melvin. Your characters are lovable and relatable. I will be back to read more chapters and make more comments!

Thanks again for your comment on Heart of Stone. It helped greatly and I will be doing some editing.

Wow! It's uncanny how similar our main character are! I greatly enjoyed reading the first chapter and several times I found myself thinking "thats something Rainer would do!" It made me smile.

Your writing is clever, and your sentences are well constructed. I loved Melvin. Your characters are lovable and relatable. I will be back to read more chapters and make more comments!

Thanks again for your comment on Heart of Stone. It helped greatly and I will be doing some editing.

I love the first sentence. Or, I guess I should say first word. It tells me right away something is wrong. And then as I continued reading, I couldn't help but sympathize with him. In fact, I had horrible flashbacks of my time in school. MLA? Works cited? I now understand the "uh-oh" at the beginning. I also like what you've done with the opening scene. Immediately anyone who has ever gone to school should be able to relate to the situation.

This is tightly written. I like the short, to-the-point dialogue and paragraphs. It makes for a quick, enjoyable read without the hassle of unnecessary descriptions. I especially liked the contrast between his words to his teacher and the thoughts racing through his mind. Realistic and effective.

There's also a nice subtle humor (i.e. "What the heck is a protagonist?"). It's so simple yet it tells me so much about Tanner. Not only is the premise relatable, but Tanner is too. As a teacher, I know Tanner. I have at least 5 or 6 of him each year. Nice characterization. You've done a great job of capturing his voice in this. You do a good job showing his struggle to keep focused. Two pages in and he was already smacking himself to keep attentive.

Even though I knew what was coming from the pitch, you finished chapter one with a great hook that keeps your reader turning the pages.

Minor suggestions: Should Works Cited be capitalized? Also, middle school should be lower case, right? I suggest cutting a lot of your tags. They're short, which is good, but several of them are unnecessary, particularly the ones beside Mrs. Kelly's words. It's obvious she's the one speaking, so I'd cut her tags. I think there's something wrong with the order of words in the sentence, "in fact, he thought the last time..." Should it be, " In fact, the last time he walked in he thought it was a bathroom," or is it, "In fact, the last time he walked in was to use the bathroom." I'm not sure which meaning you're going for. I prefer the first. It fits his voice.

In the end I was hooked. This type of story has been done before, but the writing style, the main character, and the subtle humor set this apart from other similar books, and it will appeal to the target audience. Good work!

This is deep, disturbing, powerful. It's fantasy at its best! Not only do the words of Tanner's book float in the air, but the words of THIS book will jump out at you because they are so well-written. Mesmerising!

I really like this. The opening scene was brilliant, with him saying the opposite of everything he was thinking. Tanner's voice really shines, too, which is sometimes not the case with third-person.