The Secret Life of a Mormon Wife

As a former mormon myself (though I left the church just six years ago), I understand your previous reluctance to write something like this. It has only been recently that I felt comfortable even saying my opinions of the church out loud. I'm certain you've heard the old saying (in the church) that apostates can leave the church but they can't leave it alone. I was determined not to become one of those kinds of apostates. Then one day, I realized that I harbored a lot of pain and emotional scarring due to being raised in the church and the more I refused to discuss it, the more bitter I was becoming. It was a liberating moment for me. I now tell people that the reason I speak out against the church is because it brainwashes its members and fosters a community of oppression and abuse. I have told my family (all of whom are still devout Mormons) that if I die, they are never going to raise my daughter. I say this not because I don't love them - I do - but because it would be a shame for my daughter's sweet spirit and natural inquisitiveness to be snuffed out by a religion who believes a woman's only place is in the home.

Thank you for writing this. I hope you reach a wide readership. It is important that people understand that, no matter how hard the church tries to portray an image of being just like everyone else, they are NOT. And that difference is not a good thing. In fact, it is an awful, horrifying difference.

The Secret Life of a Mormon Wife is a dynamite read. It captures the essence of the Mormon Church and its followers. I gripped my seat for this fast ride, knowing that I would read all chapters uploaded. It’s frightening and educational at the same time. An educated woman from an ‘explosive’ background—cowering from one moment to the next—builds a feeling of dread. With a mother and siblings suffering under the same yoke it is easy to understand the pain of a controlling father, how devastating this can be and the consequences of such damage. I was relieved briefly when Charlie arrived on the scene; it gives a breather up until the enigmatic and narcissistic William. The marriage proposal is so distant, detached even, I wanted to scream. I see this similar to Orville’s feelings towards Myrtle and cringe in response. But perhaps this is where the example of abuse comes in. Like father—like son. Myrtle, being the epitome of modesty and humility, is oppressed and surely broken inside. Yet she does not show it, she cannot. It is her role and she plays it so well. Meanwhile, her husband revels in his power. William will likely expect this from his own wife. So many red flags are dotted through these opening chapters, it is hard to settle—to hope that something different will happen. And that’s the hook. It keeps the pages turning!

The washing and anointing ceremony reminded me of the Prodigal Son in the bible, his homecoming with a robe and a ring. Only this wasn’t a happy homecoming, and the new name given was reminiscent of the white stones and new names Christians are given ‘known only to him who receives it’ (Revelation 2:17). The handshakes, penalties and the voice screaming in her head to run nearly had me unglued, notwithstanding the terror I felt of the entire marriage ceremony. Goodness knows what you went through! But I was thrilled you questioned every step even then, it was so brave.

Chapter 4 gave me the chills. Sit ups and any type of abdominal routine will hardly cure slight scoliosis or bring forth a better posture. But a quick leap out of the open window of a Lincoln Town car might have been really smart here. And as for a nest of disciples, you have to hand it to Myrtle the Fertile Turtle. Eleven is quite a clutch. But the intimacy was miserable, foul and without love. How heart-breaking. The lost letters were warmer than this selfish man and the abuse escalates in Chapter 5 to screaming level.

The writing is smooth and beautifully crafted. I gave this book high stars because of its intensity and the author’s heroism and determination to bring out the 'psychological captivitiy' she suffered. Very well done. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

The Secret Life of a Morman Wife / Stella J. Rabinowitz

I read this entire book today. Ironic it is, I can't say I 'enjoyed' the story at all times, whilst I certainly did like the writing. As some memoir based 'true-life' stories will go, I found the author's depiction of the Morman church to be in complete concurrence of my own previous belief that it is an evil and disgusting institution, filled with falseness, powermongers and hatred.

The author does a good job of explaining details. Sometimes, I must admit, I felt as if she was 'going on and on' to make points / lend emphasis to such. Some of the story could have been shortened I believe, essentially, edited to emit some of the rambling. This is not to say that it is not a good story...it is!

The writing was clean from the standpoint of being readable. Very little was suspect in punctuality. My previous statement about rambling may be such that if I had been the one who endured this life I might ramble a bit about it too when I finally write it all down. The author is a good writer, one able to convey thought quite well. There are elements of sarcasm at times that were actually humerous, given the fact that they seem to express a comfort level felt by the writer at the time of this writing, as opposed to the thoughts she portrays in thought about earlier times. During those pages I got the idea she was constantly being taken back to the times when these occurrences took place and it somehow stimulated those old feelings again. THAT is good writing I guess because I read an entire book I planned to only skim through. Go figure.

The author tells an in-depth story about her life as the wife of a selfish, cult-associated individual (I've always felt the religion a cult) His sexual tendencies, mannerisms, failure to have genuine concern for his family or his wife reinforce an impression I've always had about this religion as a whole. Reading the parts whereas the author expresses her faith / spirtual committment to her husband made me angry. (The childbirths, the banishing of her friend Patti from her home after her husband attempts to seduce her, etc,..) I'm one of those ones who always wonders why women take from their men what they do to bebing with though.

It seemed to me the author, through her own depiction in parts, gave me reason to believe she could / should have left this guy years earlier. (The Playboys and stuff) I mean, just damn, how many times can a person tell a lie and have it conveniently 'back-burnered' by a blind faith in some lie that it will change.

NOw, for me to be asking these things means the story was conveyed correctly. I'm angry at the author in a sense that she didn;t leave earlier, or during the 'ceremony' whereas she noticed so many things wrong to begin with. I'm sure she too, has spent many thousands of hours being mad at herself. The story got to me and I have to think that is the intention of it. That said, mission accomplished.

Obviously, being a memoir narrative in FP, the only POV is the author. In this regard I felt she did quite well in keeping down the # of times 'I' appears. The flow was quite good, kept in 'story' form a majority of the time and there was switching of timeframes to keep a pace that was interesting.

All in all, this is a riveting story, told from the heart. The writing is good. There were times (forgiving Dr. S) when I thought I saw how the author was weak, or 'so' into blind faith, whatever, that I see how she allowed herself to remain in this environment for so long. From a storytelling standpoint, she's done that quite well or I wouldn't be feeling as passionate about it as I am right now. I went through it all in this story. I sympthosized with this lady, I was angry (for), not at her, emotional and felt disgust. Basically, I went on the entire ride this story was intended to take the reader on.

I read a few chapters of this book to teen in the house, who appeared to be interested to want to read it on her own. (She has her own Authonomy account) Being a young lady (college) who is of faith, I thought it interesting to hear her response to the more critical aspects of the writing on the Mormon church. We live in one of those areas where they send out their door-knockers who show up unannounced at the worst possible times expecting you to stop what you are doing and hear their testimonies. I thought a 'testimony' like this one from the author might serve well to provide her an 'insurance policy' against ever taking time to hear what those radical idiots have to say.

I certainly do wish my best to / for the author. You took me on a literary trip today my friend and I appreciate your writing. 5 stars for this good work. I believe it is one pro-edit away from publishing.

E M Delaney

Intrigued and wanting to know more about the LDS faith, I dug right in. Little did I know how much I would relate to you and your experiences. Having resided in the same area for a number of years, I have have been touched by this religion in ways I never expected. Not only in contact with Mormons but also with the abuse you suffered. In this tight knit community, either one follows the Mormon faith or one is simply an outsider. Your experience opened the window into this secret world and I applaud you wholeheartedly for sharing. I can only imagine the trauma that you not only felt in the church, but especially out. An exceptional and completely informative read! I look forward to the next one!

Stella, you're very brave to write this, and your way of writing it takes us into your life, into your heart and soul. You've also made this life of Church rule interesting, eye-opening. Your parents' divorce must've been a terrible thing in such a society, yet at the same time brought you immense relief, Patti's family's friendship, and Charlie.

School aside, which must've been torture for an *outsider*, the college years, frogs excepted - and I shall have nightmares on that front now, appear treasurable. I am up to the wedding with the prospect of the trailer park, and feel alone with you.

You have a terrific opening, and a terrific pitch - although I have to say there are probably a few too many exclamation marks!! The end line of the pitch alone, would make this a best seller. Actually, I'm thinking that the end part could go into your short tag line somehow. Instant best seller on here - and could, all by itself, attract trawling Publishers and Agents. I hope you'll consider it.

Highly starred and backed for you -

From Kay with love and sincere hopes for your success.
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

I feel we have a lot of sisterhood in our situations. I married a Japanese man at 18 in 1982 and tried to become the best Japanese wife ever! I succeeded in a lot of way, but eventually I hit a wall and spiraled out of control. It was truthfully like an addiction. I left my Japanese husband- but I could not leave Japan and my indentity as a yomesan.

I love the way you expose the crazy rituals and demands of the church. I was LDS for a short time in my teenage years and several relatives are "mormon." I'm Christian and thrive through the grace of God today- but I do so by reading and following His word as written in the Bible. Best wishes to you! I hope your book is published! P.S. Do you have any thoughts on Mitt Romney? Could you back him even though he is LDS?

I'm enjoying your book. I selected it because of personal connections to the subject matter. The grammar and punctuation are impeccable really. I tend to jump over my own mistakes so I can't say the same for my book. I've got plenty of goobers to clean up and I continue to work at it.

I was LDS for a few years during my early-mid teens- even participating in baptism for the dead. My book (a pseronal account of life a Japanese wife), however contains none of my LDS background. It simply wasn't significant to my story of cultural addiction. I say this, because at one point my book was much longer and I had encluded the LDS part. Then, a trusted content editor told me the Mormon stuff was interesting but that it was just sort of hanging out there as a side note. I removed those sections and several others based on her advice. When I look at CMTStibbe's comments below I see he noted some rampling. I found this as well. It's such a fine line what to include and what not to include. Sometime I feel like I've omitted too much.

In any case, this is a great book. I was impressed by your voice and the self-reflection. I too married young- with a voice saying "No". I just want to belong to something. I relate totally. Great work! Stacy G.

Hi Stella. Here as promised. I read the first two chapters. Not far enough to get into the meat of the story, but enough to see that your writing is certainly competent. I was a bit torn between the feeling that - 'did I really care about such detailed personal information that seemed to ramble on in the beginning' - but at the same time suspecting that I would need that much of it to really get the picture as the story unfolded. To be honest, this is not something I would read (just personal preference) so I have to confine my comments to the writing alone. In that regard, I don't see any problems (that, of course, in my amateur observation). I think your descriptions of events are clear and well presented and so far I have no questions about what you're saying. The flow is smooth - I didn't find myself going, "Huh?" anywhere. I thought the 'sequencing' as you went along was excellent (not always the case in some true life I've read here).
All in all, I think you have a very interesting subject, written well, and from what I gather, one that should draw a lot of attention.
Best of luck to you. See you at the desk.

The Secret Life of a Mormon Wife.
By Stella Rabinowitz.


I can say that this book has opened my eyes quite a lot…so to speak.
I knew very little about the Mormon Church or their followers, so it comes as a surprise to learn of your past experiences.
I do feel sorry for you…I think many more will do as well after reading your account.
I wonder if it could have been someone else, would the marriage have been any different.
To get back to the main point of reading your book…It’s a well written, brave account of your ordeal.
You are to be commended for that alone and I’m sure your book will be carried out of many shops by a satisfied customer.
I would have bought it purely on its title and cover…wanting to gain the wealth of experience that it offers to the reader… I would have been pleased with my purchase…I know that.
Pleased to star-rate your book, Stella, and to wish you well with it.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone..

Simply shocking, worse than I imagined. I support this.

Hi Stella ...

Well this certainly blows a few holes in the shiny, squeaky clean people that sometimes come to our door (yes we have a temple less than half a mile from us). You really did have a terrible time in your marriage and I am surprised you survived. It is surprising how many criminal activities are committed in the name of religion (We live in a high immigrant area).

I have read everything you have up and it opened my eyes, but then again, we have JW's in our family and they are not short on the bullying of women, also other religions round here. Although not religious (Brought up a methodist until sixteen, children brought up in S.A.) I can understand how beliefs are instilled in childhood, but religion, to me, has always seemed a little one sided.

The only suggestion I can make is to try and remove as many 'hads' as possible. For instance, in the second chapter you use had quite frequently. What I do is to read a sentence containing 'had' ('that' can be treated the same), first with the word then without. If it does not alter the sense of the sentence 'had' can be omitted. 'Had before a word ending 'ed' can also be left out as the word is in the past tense: 'had started', 'had ended','had connected', 'had decided'. 'Had' and 'that', tend to break the flow of the story. I apologise for my pickiness. Backed and rated. regards ... Duncan.

I grew up a Mormon but I haven't been to church in almost 20 years. I find your subject very interesting and can't wait to have some time to read it. Backed and on my watchlist.

Don C.

I can't believe it took me so long to have a look at this interesting book! Its very well written, I think. the language is plain and clear, and includes good, interesting details. I'm giving it some space on my shelf!

My word, Stella, what a story! Yes, I just read it (the first 4 chapters) and was blown away. Not just by the great writing and the eyes-wide-opening expose of Mormon life - something I had no prior knowledge of - but by the incredible similarities between your life and mine. Paternal abuse, check. Religious conditioning, check (I only got the Jesuits, but still). Getting into an abusive marriage, check (my 'business marriage' with Spud). Trying to get out of it, but couldn't, check. Everyone (inc folk on this site) saying 'WHY didn't you get out of it?' - check again. I LOVE this book, agree totally that, as Emmett said, that it is only 'one edit away from being published.' If I had time, I would offer to do it myself, I think it's that good. How about approaching Wiz Wharton, who pro-edited mine? Or, since she's not too well, how about my old editor from the F.T., Brenda Donovan - she'd love to get her hands on this.

Six stars for a brave, no holds barred memoir. On my shelf.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

I don't have time to read any more tonight so I'll put it on my watchlist. I will however rate the book simply for your bottle at bringing this stuff to light. For some reason many Americans are fixated with religion but when a woman joins as a wife she enters hell. All religions are male dominated, created by men for men with women getting very little from it. Everyone was supposed to be equal in the eyes of the Lord but gay people aren't and neither are women. I say well done Stella. What a brave woman to stand up against fascism.

My dear friend ~ I just finished your book and I am amazed at your powerful honesty of heart. God bless you for working to bring these truths to light.
As for your "spiritual experiences", we are taught in our church that God (Jehovah -- Elohim) has people in every church. Persons of honest heart who spiritually hunger for Him and knowledge of Him. I, personally, also believe that those who have been raised in different religions ... and who have never been taught about Jesus ... may have a chance to have him revealed to them at the time of their deaths or before. I truly believe that God is gracious and that His Grace covers the sins of all those who seek Him in Truth. I believe that God will reveal to those who are ignorant but hungry the things they need to know to sustain them in this life and bring them into His presence in the next life. That is why you hear of people from every religion have "spiritual experiences" like yours. You loved God ... your whole aim was to follow Him no matter the cost ... and He saw the love, that devotion and covered you with His mercy and His grace.
Now ... tell THAT to the pro-Mormon arguers!
Very well written. I have enjoyed it very much!

Ch. 28 another new perspective ... was William building up bank accounts all these years and really had plenty of money all along? If so, he's a true "mud man!"

Ch. 28 another new perspective ... was William building up bank accounts all these years and really had plenty of money all along? If so, he's a true "mud man!"

Ch. 27 Para starting: "The next time I came in alone..." you missed a "he" ... you write: "because doesn't even see that there is a problem ..." (should be: "because HE doesn't even see...")

Oh! BTW ... I invited thirty of my closest business partners to dinner tonight ... six sharp! Whachu mean it's 5:30 and it can't be done??? DO it!

Perhaps a mention that "Pay Lay Ale" is a Masonic declaration? Or did you know? Much of the Mormon Temple Rituals are taken directly from Freemasonry. If this is new information for you I'll gladly give you references to a couple of very interesting books about the subject.

Joyce

Ch. 22 Para beginning, "I began to realize..." You use the word "judgementalness" ... don't think that word actually exists ... I belive what you really want is simply "judgement" or "condemnation".
We are taught that the key to getting along with those who spitefully use us is to pray for God to change US. I think you're beginning, here, to get that message! When we pray that prayer, God either changes us (our attitudes, our behaviors, our goals) to be more pleasing to those around us or, if those around us won't be pleased no matter how we change, God changes our circumstances to bring us OUT of the situation.
You are so right about religion being distorted and misused ... but I think a comment that relgion is not Christianity (you can be religious but unless you have a personal relationship -- knowledge of and at-one-ment with Jesus Christ ... you are NOT a Christian.)

Looking back, do you think that Wlliam's mother's advice (to grow a shell) was one reason William was the way he was? Is it possible he DID love you but had had the stuffing knocked out of him so often as a child that he didn't DARE show it ... or even feel it? Hmmmm.

Joyce

Love that "woman on a pedestal to look up her skirt" bit!
"A man is more inclined to nurture a relationship, when there only one "one and only". Need an "IS" in there: "A man is more inclined to nurture a relationship when there IS only one 'one and only'." (Comma not needed.)

Joyce ~ Slave to Grace

Ch. 14 Para starting, "So, I took a piece of paper ..." you write: "I SAT it on the nightstand..." Should be "set". Past tense of set (to place) is set.

Joyce

Ch. 13 Just a general observation ... I am spacially challenged and found your description of the litte house you bought confusing. It may just be me, I'm not sure. Since I AM spacially challenged I can't really comment on what you could do or even if you NEED to do something to make it clearer. ... is this my left or right hand???

secrets of the temple, well there you are, i found this an interesting piece, i will rate it well, i read the first four chapters, which is my usual, and then skimmed over more chapters, it struck me that i was presented with a picture of an idealistic young woman who really wasn't ready to make big decisions, born into and accepting a LDS world that insisted she make decisions, especially a decision to give up all her decision making responsibilities to her husband, i think the author by recalling the events leading up to her wedding effectively allows us to see how a religious system (in this case a patriarichal one) subtlely ensnares unknowing members before they are ready to make mature commitment, there is much more to be had here, someitmes life gives us great plot lines, best wishes

Ch. 12 Para beginning: "...at times I understood William was doing..." you write, "...he was a simply a product ..." obviously your first article escaped your eagle eye during editing.
I am really enjoying reading ... savoring ... your style. Your wording is excellent and your phrasing and timing are impeccable. Can't wait for the next "installment!"

Joyce ~ Slave to Grace

The more I read the more I realize that ... yes. William was a tyrant and immature and self-centered and ... and... and ... but there is something else going on under the main story and THAT, dear ones, is the tyranny William himself was subjected to by Orville.
Orville worked William from dawn to dusk, Orville was the one who told William he couldn't stay with his wife and newborn, fatally ill daughter, Orville exploited William and didn't pay him for his work, Orville orchestrated the moves in which Stella needed to move a piece at a time in a tiny car instead of having the use of a farm truck for one single trip, Orville refused to pay utilities he had taken responsiblity for ... Orville, Orville, Orville!
This is not to detract from the pain and the main story. God knows Stella suffered terribly under this cruel and unfeeling system ...but the fact that William was so subjugated to his father also needs to be recognized. The immaturity, cruelty and psychopathology William demonstrated was what he had learned at his father's knee all the years he was growing up.
Stella ~ God bless you for bringing this story to light. People need to know what this cult is really like. I honor your for your bravery and honesty.

Joyce ~ Slave to Grace

Ch. 8 ~~ This is such an emotional roller-coaster! Down, down down! and then you get a nice little home to live in. Up up. and then your anniversary is ignored by your husband. Down! Excellent work!
Joyce

Ch. 7 Didn't find any problems and I am so glad you posted the rest of this fine work!
I'm glad you've found your way out of this horrendous situation and hope you have found peace. This book is definitely a winner in my eyes and there isn't any way I could stop reading until I've consumed it all!

Joyce ~ Slave to Grace

As a former mormon myself (though I left the church just six years ago), I understand your previous reluctance to write something like this. It has only been recently that I felt comfortable even saying my opinions of the church out loud. I'm certain you've heard the old saying (in the church) that apostates can leave the church but they can't leave it alone. I was determined not to become one of those kinds of apostates. Then one day, I realized that I harbored a lot of pain and emotional scarring due to being raised in the church and the more I refused to discuss it, the more bitter I was becoming. It was a liberating moment for me. I now tell people that the reason I speak out against the church is because it brainwashes its members and fosters a community of oppression and abuse. I have told my family (all of whom are still devout Mormons) that if I die, they are never going to raise my daughter. I say this not because I don't love them - I do - but because it would be a shame for my daughter's sweet spirit and natural inquisitiveness to be snuffed out by a religion who believes a woman's only place is in the home.

Thank you for writing this. I hope you reach a wide readership. It is important that people understand that, no matter how hard the church tries to portray an image of being just like everyone else, they are NOT. And that difference is not a good thing. In fact, it is an awful, horrifying difference.

A book is well written when one can forget about the writing and pay full attention to the story. This is such a book and the story is gripping. I know enough about the Mormons to get the general picture, but this is a real insider look into the sect and, as such, a bridge of understanding for the uninitiated. I recommend it highly.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

I encourage you to post your memoir. It would be of tremendous interest to many. You are my target audience: those who have been impacted by the doctrines of this “religion,” and those who will find themselves impacted in the future – if they are not warned. Our voices need to be heard loud and clear.

It would be difficult for me to deny having an “axe to grind.” But my ex was merely the catalyst. Had he treated me as your current husband does, I might never have questioned the veracity of the church’s doctrines. In some ways, I owe my ex-husband a debt of gratitude for opening my eyes to the truth about the LDS church. There is much more to my story than what would fit in one book.

After you have read more, particularly Chapters 3, 25, and 29, I would love to discuss these issues with you. We can do it on or offsite – whichever you are more comfortable with.

I am a truth seeker. I can tell you unequivocally that a sincere search for truth will lead out of the LDS church. If that is “grinding an axe,” then mine has a very sharp edge.

I too have written a book on this very subject but I wrote it for my children and have never shared it with another soul (except my sister who cried her eyes out). I was married to an abusive man in the temple too, he used dogma and twisted the doctrine to meet his own abusive needs....

BUT I have also experienced the flipside of the coin at how WONDEFUL and LIBERATING it can be to be a "mormon" wife when the man actually lives by the doctrines correctly. I remarried (in the same faith) and have never been so happy in my life. No matter what faith people belong to, there will be bad apples... and people will interperet the "doctrine" however they see fit. In fact, if you quote the article of faith 11 "We claim the aprivilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own cconscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may"

It's important to note, "dictates of our own cconscience". Your book is YOUR expeience, and I am certainly not discounting it... but before readers put too much stock in it, consider this: Is the half glass full or half empty? Certainly a great read if you want to know what hell it can be to be a mormon wife when your husband is a WICKED man. But when your husband is a righteous man, a temple marriage is heavenly, beautiful and rewarding :)

In your case, after reading bits of your story (which is so sad, so sorry u went thru that) I can't help but feel you have an axe to grind... perhaps blaming the "church" for your woes, when really, it was just a sick man who misunderstood the very basic principal of love and companionship. The same could be saif of any faith, any culture.

I think I am qualified to speak having been through a very similar situation. Perhaps I should post my book here in response so people can see the flip side... the good AND the bad. It is only fair to look at things objectively. I wish you th very best.

I too have written a book on this very subject but I wrote it for my children and have never shared it with another soul (except my sister who cried her eyes out). I was married to an abusive man in the temple too, he used dogma and twisted the doctrine to meet his own abusive needs....

BUT I have also experienced the flipside of the coin at how WONDEFUL and LIBERATING it can be to be a "mormon" wife when the man actually lives by the doctrines correctly. I remarried (in the same faith) and have never been so happy in my life. No matter what faith people belong to, there will be bad apples... and people will interperet the "doctrine" however they see fit. In fact, if you quote the article of faith 11 "We claim the aprivilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own cconscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may"

It's important to note, "dictates of our own cconscience". Your book is YOUR expeience, and I am certainly not discounting it... but before readers put too much stock in it, consider this: Is the half glass full or half empty? Certainly a great read if you want to know what hell it can be to be a mormon wife when your husband is a WICKED man. But when your husband is a righteous man, a temple marriage is heavenly, beautiful and rewarding :)

In your case, after reading bits of your story (which is so sad, so sorry u went thru that) I can't help but feel you have an axe to grind... perhaps blaming the "church" for your woes, when really, it was just a sick man who misunderstood the very basic principal of love and companionship. The same could be saif of any faith, any culture.

I think I am qualified to speak having been through a very similar situation. Perhaps I should post my book here in response so people can see the flip side... the good AND the bad. It is only fair to look at things objectively. I wish you th very best.

LOVED chapter 12. How could I have missed it? There's so much faith and God in this chapter, apart from any church, because of the situations you found yourself in. The experiences and revelations of the divine...the inner hearing of the voice of God...just speechless, sitting here in Kentucky reading this. These kinds of revelatory life experiences are the real sermons, in my opinion. God bless you, sweetie! Georgia

The Secret Life of a Morman Wife / Stella J. Rabinowitz

I read this entire book today. Ironic it is, I can't say I 'enjoyed' the story at all times, whilst I certainly did like the writing. As some memoir based 'true-life' stories will go, I found the author's depiction of the Morman church to be in complete concurrence of my own previous belief that it is an evil and disgusting institution, filled with falseness, powermongers and hatred.

The author does a good job of explaining details. Sometimes, I must admit, I felt as if she was 'going on and on' to make points / lend emphasis to such. Some of the story could have been shortened I believe, essentially, edited to emit some of the rambling. This is not to say that it is not a good story...it is!

The writing was clean from the standpoint of being readable. Very little was suspect in punctuality. My previous statement about rambling may be such that if I had been the one who endured this life I might ramble a bit about it too when I finally write it all down. The author is a good writer, one able to convey thought quite well. There are elements of sarcasm at times that were actually humerous, given the fact that they seem to express a comfort level felt by the writer at the time of this writing, as opposed to the thoughts she portrays in thought about earlier times. During those pages I got the idea she was constantly being taken back to the times when these occurrences took place and it somehow stimulated those old feelings again. THAT is good writing I guess because I read an entire book I planned to only skim through. Go figure.

The author tells an in-depth story about her life as the wife of a selfish, cult-associated individual (I've always felt the religion a cult) His sexual tendencies, mannerisms, failure to have genuine concern for his family or his wife reinforce an impression I've always had about this religion as a whole. Reading the parts whereas the author expresses her faith / spirtual committment to her husband made me angry. (The childbirths, the banishing of her friend Patti from her home after her husband attempts to seduce her, etc,..) I'm one of those ones who always wonders why women take from their men what they do to bebing with though.

It seemed to me the author, through her own depiction in parts, gave me reason to believe she could / should have left this guy years earlier. (The Playboys and stuff) I mean, just damn, how many times can a person tell a lie and have it conveniently 'back-burnered' by a blind faith in some lie that it will change.

NOw, for me to be asking these things means the story was conveyed correctly. I'm angry at the author in a sense that she didn;t leave earlier, or during the 'ceremony' whereas she noticed so many things wrong to begin with. I'm sure she too, has spent many thousands of hours being mad at herself. The story got to me and I have to think that is the intention of it. That said, mission accomplished.

Obviously, being a memoir narrative in FP, the only POV is the author. In this regard I felt she did quite well in keeping down the # of times 'I' appears. The flow was quite good, kept in 'story' form a majority of the time and there was switching of timeframes to keep a pace that was interesting.

All in all, this is a riveting story, told from the heart. The writing is good. There were times (forgiving Dr. S) when I thought I saw how the author was weak, or 'so' into blind faith, whatever, that I see how she allowed herself to remain in this environment for so long. From a storytelling standpoint, she's done that quite well or I wouldn't be feeling as passionate about it as I am right now. I went through it all in this story. I sympthosized with this lady, I was angry (for), not at her, emotional and felt disgust. Basically, I went on the entire ride this story was intended to take the reader on.

I read a few chapters of this book to teen in the house, who appeared to be interested to want to read it on her own. (She has her own Authonomy account) Being a young lady (college) who is of faith, I thought it interesting to hear her response to the more critical aspects of the writing on the Mormon church. We live in one of those areas where they send out their door-knockers who show up unannounced at the worst possible times expecting you to stop what you are doing and hear their testimonies. I thought a 'testimony' like this one from the author might serve well to provide her an 'insurance policy' against ever taking time to hear what those radical idiots have to say.

I certainly do wish my best to / for the author. You took me on a literary trip today my friend and I appreciate your writing. 5 stars for this good work. I believe it is one pro-edit away from publishing.

E M Delaney

I finished everything you have written up here and now I'm googling "Spaulding", and "inside a Mormon Temple."
This is a fascinating scary look into what can happen when one sex tries to have total power over another, and you're right, Mysogynist men would be attracted to such a life.
So glad you are out of that lifestyle. Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

I believe I've backed this book before, Stella, but it is so good it deserves a second backing! I can never understand how religion can take such control of some people. But there, everyone is different. I can only admire your strength of will and courage in getting free from some0one who deosn't treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Good for you.

Book backed and on w/l again.

Kate Grimes -LIZZIE - CUPPA TALES - TALES OF WILLOW GREEN - ANNIE

Dear Stella

I have now finished reading your book. It has been an eye-opening experience which you were brave to share. We need to know that such cruelty exists, and that we can escape from it. Thank you.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

I've finished it all and am really glad to have read this. You have certainly opened my eyes to the true nature of the Mormon church. Good luck with finding a publisher for this.

I just finished the 2nd chapter. I'm shocked how much of this seems to ring true.

This story is compelling and I read to chapter seven. The thing I found most amazing is why a young woman would put up with such ridiculous treatment - but its hard to see the reality of a situation when you're in it and people are telling you thats your place. I see your faith was the most important thing to you and that's what kept you there, with William. The marriage ceremony and what preceeded it was fascinating??? !!!!
This is a valuable insight into how women are subjugated.
I think you are a brave person to write this. It gives an understanding the LDS Church and some of the ridiculously outdated ways of keeping women in a place where they are not valued, or even worth listening to.
well written, the story flows nicely and yours is a story that should be told.
I'm so happy that you have escaped the shackles of such a miserable existence.
6*

Karen 19
The Way Things Are

The Secret Life of a Mormon Wife - by Stella Rabinowitz
I have never had any Mormon friends and know little of the practice of this religion. Except for the occasional visits to my door with leaflets and bibles, I have no personal knowledge of Mormon. This book is well written and gripping in detail.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

HI Stella,
This is a facinating story. I know something about Mormonism because my next-door-neighbor in the little village I live in (In Germany) is also a Mormon. He also speaks great Englsih and we are good friends now. His situation is similar to yours: he became disillusioned with LDS theology and has embraced Biblical Christianity, however, his wife doesn't want to leave the LDS church. This has been his delimna for years. I would certainly reccomend you to contact him if you wish concerning your book.
Are you also familiar with the TV show "Heart of the Matter" with Shawn McCraney, also a former Mormon.
Check out his webpage, it's great!
http://www.hotm.tv/
You story also reminds me a bit of the book, "Under The Banner Of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer. Which concerns true-story fundamentalist Mormon murders. Also a great book.
I wanted to back your book as a bit of support.
All the best and blessings to you and with your ministry of helping other Mormons who may be caught in their situations that there is an alternative to choose.
Kirk (Munich)
"How to Steal a Lion"

Just finished it!

Wow! A super read!

An absolutely fantastic book.

I've read up to chapter 9 and am still reading.

Narrated in a clear, simple, unintrusive voice. A gripping tale that deserves a wide audience. Very best of luck with it and I am only so sorry that you had to endure such hardships, sadness and abuse in order to write this book.

Here's to a very courageous lady and a very talented author.

Dear Stella

Is it my imagination, or did something change with your story? I suspect that you have uploaded a "new, improved" version. If you have done comprehensive revisions I can only say that the resulting read is totally gripping, and a total revelation to me.

I have just read chapters three and four, having previously read chapters one and two. If I had the time I would read on. Your writing is fresh, clean and difficult to put aside and what you write about is appalling, weirdly absurd and funny all at once.

I am impressed that a young woman should so deftly expose the hypocrisies of a "religion" which has everything to do with control and so little to do with love. I am saddened that you were stuck, unable to leave and forced to ignore your own inner wisdom for so long.

Thank you for bringing your story to a wider public. It deserves to be recognised, understood and published. Six stars and on my WL for now. I will shelve it as soon as I can.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Hi again Stella,

Finished through chapter 21.

Entire book well written. Loved your wit and humor in places. Cried when you lost the last baby. The fire at the camp ground was unbelievable, all because you questioned William in front of someone. And then he tried to pretend he didn't do it to the park ranger. Pride is the downfall of most. What deceitful people you had to live with. Orville's one sick puppy making his children and grands live in poverty while he lives in luxury. UGH! All about control. And your husband didn't have the nerve to stand up to him so soothed his soul by engrossing himself in porn.

So glad you're out of that mess dear. Hope this book gets published because it would help so many women, not just those in the Mormon faith. So many other women are living like this. It would help them also.

Hope you and your children have found peace and happiness!
~Kady
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

Stella,

I'm on Chapter Nine and thinking "Wow, I know legalistic narcissistic church men just like him and they're not Mormon." But what was really an eye-opener was the marriage at the temple in Salt Lake. I've stood outside that place thinking it was beautiful, but knowing what goes on inside in the name of God is so sad, making it ugly.

While I was feeling so sorry for you and so angry at William, I also felt sorry for William finally when during the birth of the baby that died, he told you what his father had said to him. His father was a devil. But then probably so was his father before him and the curse lives on.

You told this story in such a conversational tone, I felt as though I was sitting at the kitchen table with you talking over coffee. How horrid women and children have to live with this type of behavior.

I hope this book gets published for the world to see. It would be a great gift for a young girl contemplating marrying into the Mormon faith. There were so many times during reading I wanted to say, "RUN!"

Starring and backing.

Good luck with this manuscript.
~Kady Colter
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

The first chapter needs to be rewritten. Its much choppier then the rest. The writing further in is good and the story is compelling, the sort of book people read to feed their sense of self rightious drama. THe good news is that there is certainly a market for it.

Your story reminds me of the many psycotic religions in the world and how dangerous they each are. You obviously have some history with the LDS church and this seems to be resonably accurate. I live in Provo and know some Mormons like this. I also know some (okay many) bornagains and muslims like this, Im sure there are babtists and catholics with similar stories.
On The other side of the coin, I know some very healthy Mormons and bornagains. Im sure that applies to other religions too. It doesnt seem to me to be so much the religion, but rather the willingness of malicious and stupid people to use religion, Any religion, to abuse each other.
No I am not mormon, nor bornagain, nor any man made religion.

I LOVE your short pitch! Shall have a read of this over the coming week.
Cariad.

Stella,

I finished the rest of your posting this morning and was so bummed when I found out that I missed the opportunity to read the completed story. Well, I guess I'll have buy the book when it's published. And I definitely would buy it. Like I commented before, you are so honest and your writing is heartfelt and sincere. That is very evident. I feel I have learned so much by what you have written and now I understand why a man I heard on the radio once blasted a Mormon for claiming they were a Jesus follower. There's obviously a big difference. Once again, thank you for sharing your experience. I wish I had another six stars to give you. But I will promise to back your book soon.

Sincerely,
Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Stella,

Thank you for sharing your experience in the Mormon Church. I appreciate your honesty and the clear way that you record your memories. I was totally enthralled by the first three chapters of your book and found it hard to put down. My husband was born in Utah under the shadow of the Mormon influence. (His very young parents at the time had moved from Michigan to help build up a Christian church in Ogden.) The newly-weds probably had no idea what kind of deception and duress they were going up against. I hope your experience has not left you totally disgusted and disillusioned with the Creator God. I will read more to find out what happens. Six Stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Hello Stella, OH MY GOODNESS...I couldn't get enough of your book. Im so very horrified and mortified
of what you endured, I felt so grieved for you. As a Christian woman, wife, mother, etc I'm astonished at your perseverance, your patience, especially, your tolerance. My faith is of utmost importance to me and the honour, worth, substance of a women is undoubtedly precious, equal, and worthy beside any man. We are equal in the site of God. When I read stories like yours where men abuse, misuse and rape the essence of truth, to twist it for their own pleasure, desires, and wants, I find myself getting so very angry.

I salute you for writing this story, continue to write on, to share with others your experience, so that those whom are living your life at the moment may find hope and strength to discover that this is not the life intended for any women to live. :O) Salwa.

http://www.authonomy.com/books/38542/losing-me/

http://www.authonomy.com/books/38889/she-ir-chambre-poets-room/