Will Ryan

Wow. This is very much an adult-level women's story about love, sex, affairs, friendship, betrayal, murder, etc. It's got a little bit of everything! The chapter was very long and may be better if you divide it up into bite-sized chunks. Jo makes a great main character and the story line and writing style looks solid. Looks like it's aimed at the thirty-something audience by the dialoge and such. Looks like you won an audience with this story. Well done.

Good descriptions. You're good at painting pictures of characters, starting with Jack. We began to see him flesh out and his new red Porsche tops the cherry. The Rache says, "Shit Jo, make up your mind."

This is clever and shows us Jo's self-doubts. The character names may be too androgynous (Max, Charlie, even Rache), but we gradually figure out who they are. Again, in chapter 2, Will is very well described through his dialogue.

The taxi bra scene cracked me up. Too funny. Love it!

I like your characters no non sense way of thinking. The way shesettles everything in her head.I cant wait until you upload the next chapters. As well I agree with the person below and you should attempt to break up the paragraphs below it helps us readers out alot. Icant wait to enjoy the rest. Dont rush yourself. Give it sometime and just let it flow . :)

Will Ryan
Hi Ruby. Have just been reading a few chapters of your brilliant book. Will Ryan is racy, pacy and comedic and your dialogue is spot on – that language is brilliant! Jo is a strong and engaging MC who the reader will want to follow. Some editing bits and pieces – which I can see you already know about. Apart from that it looks to be a compelling story - of which I’m going to read more – and your writing is full of energy! Well done. Kat xx

Hi Your plot is excellent, character building is fine. Late husband seeping with friend: one of the craziest problem faced by a wife. With all these unexpected happenings this is a great read. This must reach the market.

I have one word to say about this story...yummy.
Loved it and your writing. Saw a few punctuation things, but I'm not one to talk as I am more of a reader than an editor. I would read any stories of yours. It's a pleasure to find this kind of writing on this site.
If you have time, I would love to hear your thoughts on "The Dark Days".
High stars and I am going to make room on my bookshelf for this.
Thanks for the great read!

Morgan H

Great storyline and characters. Got a bit confused int he beginning about who was the boss, but finally understood it.
Also agree that chapter one could be cut into two as its long. Having said that its fast paced reading, flows along really well.
Good work!
Caroline

Hi Ruby; I can't believe how easily I whizzed through the first three chapters of your book. It was like a roller coaster ride of sex, booze and nightclubs, and then Will enters the story and the pace changes, but your exciting writing does not. I felt this book was an almost ideal holiday read, where the book fills in the bits you're missing. The ' jump on baby' line nearly made me spill my drink over my laptop. Very enjoyable, highly addictive and very well written. I'm pretty sure that any adult reading the story will have several friends like the characters you portray so well. Very good and going on my WL for further enjoyment.
RMA
Sea Spray and Stars

I've read the first 4 chapters. They were an easy read, funny, steamy, all good chick lit/ modern women's fiction. The taxi/bra scene made me laugh out loud.
The pitch could do with tightening up, too long. The first chapter has a bit too much back story, for example we can tell what type of rogue Jack is without it being spelled out so much.

The pace is very good. I am intrigued as to whether she is right about the affair with her husband.

A very good read! Sorry it has taken me so long to have a look!
Jo

The mushy peas down her top didn't put him off !! Love that, this is a brilliantly written fast paced book, with wonderful dialogue, enableling you to really get to know the characters. You are straight in on the action especially chap 2; There is a big market for this kind of women 's fiction and you could do well tapping into this. Fifty shades of grey is doing the rounds, although I have heard its as dull as dishwater - where this is much more full on! Good luck with it, all the best Karen, 5*

Nicole,
"Will Ryan" is not just a roll in the hay as your story shows, but more complicated than that. It begins with Jo as a young widow finding her stride in the world of swinging singles just as she discovers an indiscretion by her late husband and ends up in the Caribbean to uncover more lurid details around the affair. Your narreative, casually worded and easy to follow, moves at a lively pace, the off-the-cuff dialogue helping along. Thank you so much for the fun read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I've really enjoyed what I've read so far. Jo is a likeable character and I enjoy the banter between her and Rachel. The plot is good and moves along well and there is some great descriptive narrative. I did notice a few things as I read, which I'll point out. None of them are major and are easily fixed.

When you mention Jack's father, spell out 'third', or use III

I was a little confused about who Jo's boss was as you refer to both Jack and Maxine as 'my boss' which meant I stopped reading to go back and check out if I had mis-read something.

Lightning, not lightening

In the para beginning 'When Jack came to us... you use next twice in the last sentence

In the para beginning 'Jack was too much of a charmer...'you have used 'such' twice

In the para beginning 'I took it as harmless fun... ' nowhere is one word rather than two

All minor details, goodness knows we all have a few of them. The main thing is that you've got a great story and I'll definitely be back to read more soon. Lots of stars for you. Well done.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Hi Ruby,
Finally got a chance to read some of your story.
In chapter one I got confused about this sentence:
"Oh go away Rache, I've had just enough for one night, and you've had way too much to drink Jack!"
Is the main charachter speaking to Rache or to Jack???
The you go into five or six paragraphs about the dating situation with Jack.It seemed long and draged out, and you endanger the reader from getting bored, which is something you don't want to happen. I would try to spread out the "info dump" in other parts of the story. Right now, focus on Jo and her situation at the back of the club where the story begins.
It's still a cool story. It's got potential and I am backing that potential.
All the best
Kirk
"The Notorious Expat Wives"

Hi Ruby,

As promised, I've read the first three chapters so far and have to say I was hooked by the end of the first. Jo, is a likeable character and I enjoyed her and Rache's drunken antics and the banter between them. It's well written, descriptive and humorous with a touch of passion and that's only the first three chapters. I'm sure the best is yet to come as Jo gets caught up in Will's drama. I will definitely be back to read more and intrigued to see how the story will unfold. It's on my watch list.

Stephanie Mortimer - Feathers (we agreed to do a read swap, would be great if you could review my first book Feathers)

This is a gutsy, down to earth woman's story about life. From your pitch this sounds like a really exiting, action packed adventure, though I do wonder if you maybe give away too much of the story! Perhaps to hint or suggest at what is going to happen keeps the reader wanting to know more and surprises them when they find out. Just a suggestion.

This is the sort of book I could imagine someone taking away on holiday to submerge themselves into. I liked your flow in the first chapter and the dialogue was very natural. I also liked the way we found out more about Jo and her situation as we read on. I wish you all the best of luck with what I think will be great popular fiction.
Stars for now with a a place on my shelf to follow soon
Rachael
Dreamscape

Hello Sandy-1,

I just read Ch.2 . of "Will Ryan". Too many Authonomites have commented on Ch.1,it seems.
It is a bit long and I need some more time to read Ch.1

In ch.2 you have used " staggered out" three times,while talking about the gait of Rache / jo.
"I knew he felt the same when getting 'KNEW ' clients" - Is that what you meant? or is it new?
And you seem to write " had been Sat'in two places (which I think is ungrammatical)It is okay when used in a conversation,but not in the narrative I suppose.

You have a good story and written it well .
Had it not been for the scene where Jo's indifference turns off Jack who wants her to' jump on top' and the subsequent episode which explains how Jo tries to mollify him and what her thoughts are ,I would have mistaken the narrative for a 100% erotica.
The 'Kamasutra in office' depiction at the end of ch.2 where Jack is having a go at shagging Jo has been deftly done.
I give you 5 stars rating.Keep writing.
Thx &Rgds

SWORDMUZIC

Hello Sandy-1,

On my watchlist ,for now. Wait for my critique this week!

SWORDMUZIC

this pitch is overtelling and dry. hook us and draw us in. it could be exciting...
j

Oh Ruby, your writing is top rated and story making is amazing. Imagination i cannot believe, you could write with this much descretion. Very open women you are. Brave.

Hi Ruby,
I read your first 7 chapters today! Jo is a complicated character. It's clear that she has an emotional imbalance in her life. She's pretty easily led astray. I haven't been able to get a clear idea what Will is about yet.
I sort of think Jo's reluctance/embarrassment about being 'with' a man would be a bit more believable/natural if John had been the love of her life. If she didn't love him, I think she'd fall for the pretty words a lot easier looking for that love/admiration from a man. I think if she really loved John, the betrayal is so much greater as well, but if it was an empty marriage, the cheating isn't really so shocking, just the fact that it had been a friend is shocking. Of course that is just my opinion.
I am not a great editor for spelling (I'm dyslexic, so I am a bit hopeless at it!) But In CH4, the paragraph that starts with I hated myself... may be missing some wors after ...frightened at. There is also some spacing problems with that paragraph and the word whisper is divided awkwardly.
All in all, I like the story and the premise. The pace is good, the writing is nicely done.
Mindy
The Wishing Place

This book is full on. but its all good

Loved the story! Your characters drew me in, the dialogue was realistic and the pacing was spot on. No obvious editing to me, I enjoyed it very much and have added it to my watch list and rated it.
Sarah x

This books got a bit of everything . Great pitch I am interested to see where the story will go when it becomes a thriller. It begins with comedy and a girls night out. Jo's trying to block out what she's just discovered - her recently departed husband had been sleeping with her best friend. Then she's fighting off her boss and running away from her feelings for him, only to meet someone just as flirty and unsuitable in the Caribbean - and whatever followers I don't know. I haven't got there yet.
Sounds like a great story with a good plot. Well written with some edits which you say you are dealing with. I look forward to seeing it finished and complete.
There's some really funny bits in chapter one!
Starred highly.
Robbie

This books got a bit of everything . Great pitch I am interested to see where the story will go when it becomes a thriller. It begins with comedy and a girls night out. Jo's trying to block out what she's just discovered - her recently departed husband had been sleeping with her best friend. Then she's fighting off her boss and running away from her feelings for him, only to meet someone just as flirty and unsuitable in the Caribbean - and whatever follows I don't know. I haven't got there yet.
Sounds like a great story with a good plot. Well written with some edits which you say you are dealing with. I look forward to seeing it finished and complete.
There's some really funny bits in chapter one
Starred highly.
Robbie

This books got a bit of everything . Great pitch I am interested to see where the story will go when it becomes a thriller. It begins with comedy and a girls night out. Jo's trying to block out what she's just discovered - her recently departed husband had been sleeping with her best friend. Then she's fighting off her boss and running away from her feelings for him, only to meet someone just as flirty and unsuitable in the Caribbean - and whatever followers I don't know. I haven't got there yet.
Sounds like a great story with a good plot. Well written with some edits which you say you are dealing with. I look forward to seeing it finished and complete.
There's some really funny bits in chapter one!
Starred highly.
Robbie

This books got a bit of everything . Great pitch I am interested to see where the story will go when it becomes a thriller. It begins with comedy and a girls night out. Jo's trying to block out what she's just discovered - her recently departed husband had been sleeping with her best friend. Then she's fighting off her boss and running away from her feelings for him, only to meet someone just as flirty and unsuitable in the Caribbean - and whatever followers I don't know. I haven't got there yet.
Sounds like a great story with a good plot. Well written with some edits which you say you are dealing with. I look forward to seeing it finished and complete.
There's some really funny bits in chapter one!
Starred highly.
Robbie

This books got a bit of everything . Great pitch I am interested to see where the story will go when it becomes a thriller. It begins with comedy and a girls night out. Jo's trying to block out what she's just discovered - her recently departed husband had been sleeping with her best friend. Then she's fighting off her boss and running away from her feelings for him, only to meet someone just as flirty and unsuitable in the Caribbean - and whatever followers I don't know. I haven't got there yet.
Sounds like a great story with a good plot. Well written with some edits which you say you are dealing with. I look forward to seeing it finished and complete.
There's some really funny bits in chapter one!
Starred highly.
Robbie

Hello

I think you have a good story going on here. There were a few places where I noticed some mistakes, but it didn't take me out of the story. The one thing I would suggest is to maybe split this chapter. It gives a lot of back story and sometimes it is better to spread it out through the story. Sometimes it is good to hint at things like the cheating spouse and so and tease the reader to want to go on and read more. Otherwise, the writer is good and you have a great command of dialogue. You have great characters and do a wonderful job lifting them off the page.

Hi Ruby, I'm here returning a read.
You have an interesting opening here, with the club scene, and I get a good sense of Jo, Rache, and Jack as characters.

There is a lot of info dumping in this first chapter, with a lot of back story about Jo's marriage, her boss, her job, etc, and honestly I found myself skimming those paragraphs rather than reading them. I think a lot of that can be reduced or cut out completely, or filled in later as needed. Someone else has suggested opening with Jo obsessing over the gossip she heard earlier in the afternoon, and I think that could be a stronger opening than what you have. Your first sentence needs to be a strong hook, and the description of the queue outside the converted church just isn't that compelling. She's obviously distressed by the news that her late husband had an affair and her prime suspects are her best friend and her boss. It would be good to see that from the very beginning. Does she feel betrayed, duped, is she angry at herself for not seeing it? Maybe try to bring some of that into the first line, maybe something like 'How could I have been so stupid/blind/naive?' I'd like to feel more of Jo's emotions throughout, along with a fuller description of the setting, with sensory details included. Let us feel/hear the beat of the music thrumming through Jo's body as she dances with Jack on the dance floor, smell the sweaty, writhing bodies around her, the taste of the alcohol as she's trying to drink away her anger/distress/whatever she's feeling about her husband.

Some of the action felt a little unnecessary, like the fortyish woman who got served at the bar before Jo and Rache. I didn't feel like that sequence really needed to be there, and also the naked man in the last club they went to. Those scenes don't really move the plot along and didn't really add anything to the story.

There is some redundancy when you introduce characters, as in the first time you introduce Rache, from work, the next time Rache is mentioned you say 'from work' again. I think you've done this with Maxine as well, and maybe even Charlie.

I think you have a good MC in Jo, and she's someone that you can feel sympathy for. I hope my comments are helpful.

Saucy stuff going on here. Great laughs and an intresting story all round.
Three chapters down and I was wanting to continue on, but it was well past my bedtime.
I think I'll continue with what you have on the site - now you wont hold out on us and keep the end of the book to yourself will you?
6 stars to you!
Peter

Forgot to mention you have an error when trying to open chapter four. If you re load your chapters it will probably sort it out.
Junetee

Forgot to mention you have an error when trying to open chapter four. If you re load your chapters it will probably sort it out.
Junetee

Forgot to mention you have an error when trying to open chapter four. If you re load your chapters it will probably sort it out.
Junetee

Forgot to mention you have an error when trying to open chapter four. If you re load your chapters it will probably sort it out.
Junetee

Forgot to mention you have an error when trying to open chapter four. If you re load your chapters it will probably sort it out.
Junetee

Just have to say you have improved this a lot since you've been editing. Its a pleasure to have another look.
Your pitch is much clearer and youve taken the uneccessary parts out, and you've cut a couple of chapters down.
This is a great women's romantic story with lots of mixture of genres. I like the comedy at the beginning and am curious to know how it turns into a thriller.
Junetee

Just have to say you have improved this a lot since you've been editing. Its a pleasure to have another look.
Your pitch is much clearer and youve taken the uneccessary parts out, and you've cut a couple of chapters down.
This is a great women's romantic story with lots of mixture of genres. I like the comedy at the beginning and am curious to know how it turns into a thriller.
Junetee

I like your pitch and wanted to read the book. Jo is a strong, interesting character and I started to identify with her right off the bat. The chapter really didn't pull me in until I learned that she had just found out her dead husband was having an affair, and everything before that seemed unimportant or kind of backwards, like the order of the info should have been switched. That she is a widow, and the shocking news she just got, seem so important that she would have them right on top of her mind from the opening sentence. You do say later she was thinking about it all through dinner, so why did she stop? Everything up to there is pretty trivial, and much less interesting to the reader. If you want to hook us in, tell us this stuff right away and then move on to the blind date and we'll care a lot more. Also as a US reader, I wondered why there were "queues" instead of just one "queue" outside the club and "halfway down the entry" sounded odd, since here an entry is just a door. That put me off the first paragraph a little. But after that things straightened out and moved along better. I did wish for a bit more dialogue sprinkled in with the backstory to make it more fun to read, your dialogue is very good and long sections of narrative can get a bit heavy. It felt odd to suddenly find out that her blind date was also her boss, again backwards information...this should have been part of the original explanation of their date. Gives the feeling this material was written at different times and cobbled together afterwards. The dancing scene is great, and Max knocking over the beer and having "something" pop out of her dress -- what was it, by the way? You never say. I love the conversations with Rache, your dialogue really is wonderful and establishes character very well. Rache is so foul mouthed and Jo is so proper, great contrast and makes Jo even more sympathetic as the MC. What I missed during all this talking was the atmospheric details, because there aren't many. What are they doing while they talk? Do they gesture? Later on we get a bit more of this, and I love Rache pulling her outfit up and down with things popping out from both ends!!! At this point I was wondering why Jo's best friend Charlie is so often in her thoughts but not in the scene. There seem to be a lot of characters introduced in this chapter, but many are just referred to and it's hard for the reader to absorb them all. Now she talks about Jason and Marie too, more names of people who we don't see. The scene when they both pass out in the street is brilliant, as Kat would say. Hysterical! Love it. The sex scenes are very good too. All in all, a wild and fun start, if a bit long for a first chapter. I suggest cutting everything irrelevant to the plot and condense to about two thirds, plus reorganize the info so it is introduced in a more linear way. Bravo, I am definitely moving on to read more. High stars! ~Gail SECRETS WE KEEP.

I like the idea of the themes the pitch promises and the setting of the Dom Republic (I picked it for a chapter in my book as well).

There are some very funny moments in the first couple of chapters, Rache falling from the wall into her curry chip, Jack posing in Jo's house and the bra problems in chapter two. Some hints dropped about Will - what's his business, why in Dom Rep so often?

There seemed to be a couple of points in the story that conflicted - Marie was staying at home yet she was able to shop with Jo in Duty Free. Will's accent does read in the dialogue as though he has a brogue so I was surprised at the narrative saying 'he didn't speak the accent broadly.' It later refers to Will's speech as having, 'a very Irish ring to his voice.'

I had some trouble picturing how the fasteners on her bra could have caught the netting when they were covered with a blouse.

The chapter length felt quite long for reading on Authonomy.

Good potential for lots of fun and drama to come.

Great descriptions, good characters and an exciting story with a lovely exotic setting. I like Jo. The second half of your pitch starts to ramble a bit, it starts off well so I'm sure you can do better with it. So hard to sum up our own books! I can relate, have redone mine over and over... ~Gail SECRETS WE KEEP

you use an interesting narrative style, using some original ways to describe events. very good dialogue makes up the tools for your writing skills...
on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

Good descriptions. You're good at painting pictures of characters, starting with Jack. We began to see him flesh out and his new red Porsche tops the cherry. The Rache says, "Shit Jo, make up your mind."

This is clever and shows us Jo's self-doubts. The character names may be too androgynous (Max, Charlie, even Rache), but we gradually figure out who they are. Again, in chapter 2, Will is very well described through his dialogue.

The taxi bra scene cracked me up. Too funny. Love it!

Hey Ruby,
I guess there was a little trouble uploading chpt. 1 but chpt.2 is intriguing. You have a smooth flow to your writing and great description of your characters. I like the way the conversations filter in and out of the text. I liked the way you captured Will's Irish broage. This is very steamy and inviting! Keep up the good work. 4 stars!
Monica Pride

Hey Ruby,

I was checking out the talent spotters and was hoping I could interest you in reading my book, Words God Gave Me. Like you, I wasn't able to write for many years, not because of lack of time, but 'life was'. It's about my journey to getting my writing ability back, which I call 'words'. I suppose it wasn't actually the ability, I just couldn't find the words, the thought process,or the desire.

Your pitch is great! I don't know if you do this, some people but don't, but would you like to swap first chpts? I'm no Lewis or Eliot, but maybe you would like it.

Thanks and God bless you,
Monica Pride

Hey Ruby,

I was checking out the talent spotters and was hoping I could interest you in reading my book, Words God Gave Me. Like you, I wasn't able to write for many years, not because of lack of time, but 'life was'. It's about my journey to getting my writing ability back, which I call 'words'. I suppose it wasn't actually the ability, I just couldn't find the words, the thought process,or the desire.

Your pitch is great! I don't know if you do this, some people but don't, but would you like to swap first chpts? I'm no Lewis or Eliot, but maybe you would like it.

Thanks and God bless you,
Monica Pride

Hi Ruby enjoyed Chapter 1 and 2: good fun, believable characters and great dialogue. I'd like to see it a little tighter and I'm not a fan of those exclamation marks! I'm not sure what purpose the presence of the "Hiya Jo" girl serves in the opening? I would prefer something with a little more 'boom' to get me into the story - something you show you can do well later on in the chapter. I think you paint a pretty good picture of Jack as the ladies man early on - I'm not convinced there is any need to re-inforce it later on.
Anyway well done and keepm up the good work.

great read so far hope rest is as good

Hi Ruby.
As I promised I was going to return to the book to read the last two chapters.
In the second chapter I had already met your main character 'Will Ryan'.
At the beginning he came across as a bit of a womanizer, and yet I could see why Jo would be attracted to him especially as she was running away from the knowledge of her late husbands affair and her feelings towards Jack. But as chapter three and four progressed I began to see a different side to him - he seemed to be running away from something himself, maybe it was his divorce.
Theragain I noticed when reading your pitch, this can't be a book which is as funny and light-hearted as it seems. Your tabs mention alcohol and drug abuse, and your genre is not only a romantic comedy, it is also a thriller. So obviously things must change between them.
I'm qhite intrigued and I might take another look at your book again. Let me know when you have edited it ( because it does need some editing - as you have mentioned yourself) And when you have added a few more chapters.
This is a book I would definitely buy. 6 stars.
Junetee(Four Corners)

I really enjoyed the plot and characters, I would like to read more.

Agents, editors, and most critiquers look for four things in a novel: voice, characters, plot development, and craft, but a lot of work is needed on the technical aspect of your writing (craft). I usually overlook a few technical errors, but your work has way too many.

The first comma in the second sentence of your first paragraph is not required. The phrase ‘just recently’ in this paragraph jumps out like a sore thumb. Why not just say ‘and had recently become the hottest place to be seen in town’?

Twenty-four days ago Ross Clark pointed out the need to place a comma inside the closing quotation marks in your dialogue. You need to do that. When writing dialogue, never use an exclamation mark if a dialogue tag follows the dialogue. Use a comma. The only time you should use exclamation points in dialogue is if the piece of dialogue is not followed by a tag.

Always insert a comma after an introductory element that precedes an independent clause. Examples:

All through dinner while playing footsie with Jack [,] I'd been going over and over in my mind exactly what I'd heard Suzie Ratcliff say that lunchtime in Starbucks

When John died eighteen months ago [,] I had a nervous breakdown.

When Jack came to us [,] he hit D.C.C like a flash of lightening; he really made his mark. This sentence is one of many that contain a dreaded semi-colon. Semi-colons aren’t as much in favor these days in novels as they were 10-15 years ago. They tend to be distracting and slow the reading. In the cases where you’ve used semi-colons, I suggest you replace them with a period and let the next sentence stand alone.

[When Jack came to us, he hit D.C.C like a flash of lightening. He really made his mark.]

You have some very long sentences that should be broken up.

The word ‘had’ in your pitches should be ‘has’. Pitches for contemporary works of fiction should always be written in the present tense.

I think you have an interesting story, but some major editing needs to be done for me to want to read more than I’ve read so far.

Rodney
[ENDQUOTE

Thanks Rodney for your very honest comment on my extremely bad grammar. I know it's terrible and I know I really shouldn't have put it on line in such a mess, but I did. I am aware of the points you have made. I am not brilliant with my spelling or grammar, but I haven't yet edited this book and it has still - as they say, got the cob webs on it, from being in the cupboard so long. It was my first attempt at a novel and as soon as I saw this site, I brushed it off and stuck it on here with the intention of editing it slowly. However I have never yet had the opportunity to edit a thing because I have spent all my spare time reading other people's books. Hopefully I'll get to it soon.
Ruby

Wow. This is very much an adult-level women's story about love, sex, affairs, friendship, betrayal, murder, etc. It's got a little bit of everything! The chapter was very long and may be better if you divide it up into bite-sized chunks. Jo makes a great main character and the story line and writing style looks solid. Looks like it's aimed at the thirty-something audience by the dialoge and such. Looks like you won an audience with this story. Well done.

Excellent plot and characters. I really enjoyed this.

Hello,
I really have enjoyed what I have read thus far. I like your writing style. Your direct approach reminds me of how I write. This is a good premise for a story. You do a good job of creating very detailed settings. I also like how you allow the reader to know your characters. Lisa

Wow! I love the pitch.
I couldn't wait to get down to the nitty gritty of Will Ryan and I'm sorry its taken me so long.
However your first chapter was amazing. It surprised me. I didn't expect it to be so entertaining. Jo's friends are definitely a lot of fun lot especially her friend Rache, who is a comical character and one I have to admit I must have seen a few times when I've been out for a drink! You have a great eye for 'moments' and you capture them well.
my favourite part in chapter one is Jo coming downstairs and finding her boss lying naked on the floor. You wrote it well, I couldn't stop laughing.
Anyhow the character Will Ryan wasn't exactly how I imagined, it was more humorous, and I'm looking forwards to reading more.
You have some editting to do as I know you are aware of. I'm not sure if cutting your chapters down would be a good thing, but dont add while editing! I know you told me you tend to do that.
Its good, Its fun, its racy.
I give it 6 stars
Junetee (Four Corners)

Hi Ruby
book - Will Ryan.

That pitch of yours brought me in to read, well, the Irish divorcee really.
Read all four chapters posted, and it's definitely a book for the youngish and upwardly mobile set.
Pitch in itself is a premise for a hectic ride to come ( on his motorbike, that is)
And hectic ride it is as we stumble through the mist of an alcohol ride in the first chapter.
The dialogue well suited and what one can hear as groups toddle along holding each other up.
Really enjoyed the plane ride to the Carribean and Jo's encounter with that said Irish Divorcee-Will-
His rawness having great appeal to her as he tells her his woes.
just a little crit, the Irish accent in parts sound like an Englishman's
--Ave of everything ! half is wha'ts said here., appy! sounding a bit cockney perhaps, otherwise fine.
enjoyed this romp and will read more when posted,
it will do well in the target audience who like things crisp and racy, as they say.
good luck
Tom Bye Dublin Ireland
book- from hugs to kisses;
please read some of my Irish story and perhaps chapter 14 for taste of Irish accent. thanks