Anna's Gift

I read your first chapter with easy pleasure. You accomplish much with just a few well-crafted words. Clink, clink, mission accomplished. The phone call scene was perfect, captivating, palpable. I loved how Tessa was speaking confidently from ignorance and wine. As I said earlier, I'm in some turmoil over the desk. I want to read this again and carry on, when I can better focus. But, as I thought I would, I love this. I usually have some crit or nit to offer--not here, not so far. I usually max out my rating, offering 5 stars--6 for this.
Best wishes,
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Hi Richard,

Well done on a well sculpted story.

I feel that the snese of destruction in war is very real in the narrative.

There's a good pace about the writing and a good confidence to it as has already been pointed out to you.

I like the premise of travelling to Poland to discover a secret of Granny's; it makes me think about all that we don't know about our elder's past lives.

If there is anywhere to work on I suggest you focus in on your dialogue, I think that you can certainly affect the story more in the things that your characters say.

I think it will be worth your while spending a little more time getting to know patterns of speech in 1930s Poland, I'm not sure where you'll find this, but a few well chosen phrases which just indicate that in reality these people are not speaking modern English may add authenticity to the dialogue.

I think this is exemplified when in your well crafted scene of chapter ten, in which the station is attacked by a dive bomber; the mystery of the "is it a storm, is it something else," turns into "oh it's definately Stuka dive bombers."

In their place I'd expect I'd be too confused to correctly identify Stukas, even if I understood the concept of dive bombing.

Then almost immediately we are confrunted by the rubble, good, the suspense is significant, but I almost completely missed the anguish of the Father here, and had to read back to realise that actually it was the Mother that was missing.

Could you perhaps have them spot the rubble, feel for those being pulled out, then realise that Mother was missing?

I don't know, just suggestions.

I'm afraid I didn't read them all, but could you please direct me to another chapter where you use the same voice as in chapter two, as this was a real highlight for me.

Thanks and regards

Kit

Can't believe I have had this gem on my watch list for so long. This is extremely well written and engaging. The grand daughter has a very strong voice. She's likable, even when I know little about her. She makes her grandmother likable and intriguing too.
Chapter 2 though, I enjoyed even more. Superbly written and a great development of a highly charged scene. By chapter 3 I am ready to settle in and just enjoy a story that I know is going to be excellent.
High stars. This deserves a much a higher ranking than it currently has.
Kate
The Licenser

Dear Richard

I have read chapters one and two, and some of chapter three. I am amazed that this book isn't doing better in the ratings because it is very good. Your writing is confident, careful and interesting. Your characters are beautifully drawn and completely believable and I like the way the story is shaping up.

If you can upload a little more, that will help greatly, because a lot of readers like to know that the rest will be as good as the beginning.

I wonder why this has gone to sleep. Perhaps it will wake up now, and get going.

All the best. Five stars from me.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Bravo. I like checking out books about this time period and location because my mother was born in East Prussia in 1938. You clearly have spent time with a survivor from that period. When I visited Poland and Kaliningrad in 2000 I was astonished at the great beauty of the area. We didn't visit Warsaw, though.

You write very well and create a wonderful suspense about Anna and her issue. I hope you'll upload just a few more chapters!!

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Richard,
I think you've really got something here. It's an unusual story that's well researched and it treats the reader as an intelligent being.
Your dialogue is good and believable (and contains nice asides - like not being able to see candles from a plane unless you have faith). You create a convincing sense of place and manage to vary the narrative pace enough to hold the reader's interest.
I found it hard to follow the time line at the beginning and that may well be my problem - firstly there's an omniscient address to the reader - then the use the present perfect with 'have just been' - rapidly followed by 'two days earlier. As I say, it might just be my problem but if others flag it up it could be worth considering.
I didn't jot down typos - not that there were more than you would expect even after painstaking editting (some buggers just slip through like 'I thought it would a plane load of couples'.
As I said, this really has something because it's original.
Very best of luck with the project.
Happily backed.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

Lively writing with a rigorous imagination at work. Impressed by the research and the dignity and exuberance with which you brought your characters to life. Fascinating location and period in history which is vividly evoked.

your pitch is great. the short pitch was enough to grab me- i love stories about family secrets.

i'd cut your first line. i am not a fan of the rhetorical question, especially as an opener. obviously, it's just my opinion, but i think they're cheesy. in fact, i'd get rid of your entire first paragraph and start: 'i've just smuggled...' this is much more interesting.

the description of the old woman's bone like china is a beautiful image.

the whistle could be described more clearly to distinguish it from the kind of whistle a coach wears around their neck. the hearing aid whistle (i know it well) is a constant..... annoying....whine.

the dialogue is natural throughout. my favorite thing here is the voice of the narrator. i'm so comfortable with her, seeing thing through her eyes. 'i was responsible for this'- says so much about what kind of person she is.

the relationship with the grandmother is so sweet. i love the older woman's take on men and her dating advice.

i'd cut the last paragraph of the chapter. i don't like when the writer speaks directly to the reader. it takes me out of the story.

i really enjoyed reading this.

I've come to this based on recommendations from Ross and others and I can see why after reading all that you've posted. This is a beautifully and well written piece so far that captured an interesting and not all that well explored (the Pianist aside) part of the Second World War. From your pitch I can see your weaving two threads, past and present and that isn't always an easy approach to take but at least in these three chapters I feel that the story is in capable hands. With some timeless themes like love, loss and redemption, the novel explores the past and how these lessons can teach those to forgive (perhaps) and move on and make wiser choices in the future (at least one hopes).

After reading the three chapters it's your closing chapter that I feel lingers on and haunts. The sibling relationships are so deftly explored without being overt in pointing out the tension and struggle each one has in their lives. The story isn't overburdend with back history, there is just enough to give deeper, richer pictures. The conclusion of chapter three is surprising (almost for the tiny hint). I appreciate that you give Anna the lisp and make her a little less than faultless.

I found it interesting that you chose to open the first chapter in the first person of Anna's grand daughter. I can only assume then that she will figure strongly in the narrative. At this point we have little sense of her except that her relationship has just broken up. The grandmother, old and fragile still has some feisty characteristics and we sense that she too shares that experience of a broken relationship. It's a welll written chapter, perhaps a little cliched, but enjoyable. The first chapter has one nit that you might consider looking at. That is the paragraph where the two are looking at the photo and you describe the father (I think) as "solid and reliable" and the mother a little later as "solid and matronly." You may want to eliminate one of the "solids."

In the second chapter you write in italics in the first person of Anna's brother, also in the present day. It reads well, but the contents and style suggest almost something like an interlude rather than a chapter and you might even consider tacking it as a prologue or put it on the end of the first chapter rather than as a stand alone. But since I haven't read the rest it's difficult to judge with any certainty. But these very minor points don't detract from how impressed I was over the small bit of your novel that I read. This is quality writing. Kristin

- Anna's Gift -

(Based on everything posted)

I was looking forward to this a lot after hearing about it. I’ve read a fair bit on Polish families dispersed in the Second World War and I teach a course which looks at the migration of Poles to the UK throughout history so there was a lot to hook me in when I saw the pitch. I noted the timely comparison of present-day Poles on their way home from the UK in chapter one as a nice observation.

And I certainly was not disappointed. The narrative voice flows well, is easy to read and immediately engaging. The narrator is just vulnerable enough that she is immediately sympathetic. The plot too is engaging, with promises of murky family secrets ready to come out across time and borders. The characterization is nice too. I have already mentioned the narrator but Anna, as a grandmother, is very well sketched in the first chapter too. I particularly liked the line that said she was full of surprises but these usually consisted of a nice pair of gloves etc. Anna’s sister and her father, guided by his religion, are very clear to the reader.

What I enjoyed most was the author’s ability to make observations on nationality, language, religion, class etc., both in the present-day scenes and, particularly, in those set in the past. The classroom in which Polish, Yiddish, and any number of other languages was spoken was a particularly strong image and very appealing to me, as someone who works in languages.
Some small notes….

Chapter 1
-I would have liked a little more reluctance from Anna before deciding to go to Poland, to show the reader that what is stopping her is something big, thereby ratcheting up the tension.
- I can’t decide whether I thought the last short paragraph was a bit of authorial intrusion. Certainly, I would say it’s not necessary in any case.

Chapter 2
-An interesting break in style but I did get a little confused now and then as to who was speaking, and to whom.

So, a couple of nitpicks but overall I found this an excellent read. The readable style of the prose is one which I imagine will give it a wide appeal too.

All the best with it,

Ross

Mmmm, have read all of this Richard and enjoyed it very much. I want to know more. Your writing is exceptional, fluid and that excites me. I'm intrigued by Anna's story and your descriptive narrative is really well done. The dialogue is realistic leaving me with a fairly good impression of Anna as an old woman and a child ...

I would love to know if you upload more ... thank you, Richard.

Jess

You are on my WL and from the comments so far it sounds like an excellent read.

Tonia
Blue Diamonds

I have read through this entire submission and the quality of writing is marked and the early scene setting with Anna's mysterious past in Poland during the War is tantalising and a serious hook.
There is delicacy about the writing and I admire how you change from the Granddaughter's narrative with her thirty-something problems re relationships and work -related stress to her Grandmothers childhood. The Granddaughter's realises that her problems are nothing compared to what Grandma went through and she is able to pause in her self-pitying whining to think of things that were significantly more serious.
I am sure what will follow will be equally intereresting.
One small thing, the 'cliche' police prowl this site and they caught me with one or two and before they pounce I'll just mention 'tough as old boots ' in chapter one as being one. I read books by established authors and see these cliche's all the time so its up to you.
Starred, WL, regards, Mark

This is a wonderful read so far! You certainly have a talented style of writing. Backed and starred!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hello Richard,welcome to Authonomy,its very pleasant to read a book with verve and panache and which immediately creates a dramatic situation,there is a lesson for all of us in the need to hook the reader as soon as possible and you certainly succeed in doing that.Your style has clarity and conveys an easily comprehensible(sometimes it can be hard to figure out what is going on with some authors).I wish you all the very best with it.Would you be so kind ast to take a look at my novel 'A Buccaneer',which is set in the 17th century and involves pirates,the attack on Panama 1671,Spanish Gold,Five Handed Duels,the Great Plague of London and more,with best wishes,Strachan Gordon

I read your first chapter with easy pleasure. You accomplish much with just a few well-crafted words. Clink, clink, mission accomplished. The phone call scene was perfect, captivating, palpable. I loved how Tessa was speaking confidently from ignorance and wine. As I said earlier, I'm in some turmoil over the desk. I want to read this again and carry on, when I can better focus. But, as I thought I would, I love this. I usually have some crit or nit to offer--not here, not so far. I usually max out my rating, offering 5 stars--6 for this.
Best wishes,
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)