Mesh

Ken & Adina,
Fatalistic sexualtiy and thinly veiled violence in small doses like popping pills for pheremone release. Your collaborative venture is awesome, each piece of work unique, impacting the senses. You both have an economy of words that cuts to the chase, serving up lean meat rare, almost raw. Gems I picked up: "She walked down the back door of her story and slammed the garden gate on the author's face," and "roiling live-action seawater being sliced by the hull of a sailing ship." Thank you so much for the entertaining read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Original thoughts and spectacular writing, the perfect recipe for a book of short stories. It is impossible to be disappointed with this book.

Hiya

You have a great thing going here- your short stories a written very well. They all keep an idea strong and flow with it. They are the perfect amount of words, and everything said is necessary. I love the poetic rhythm of Penelope waits, even though I found the story quite sad. This was easy to read and a great way to pass the time.

Thanks for the read
Shadowchime

- Mesh -

(Based on Her Secret Bordello (story 1), Penelope Waits (2), Marjorie and the Master (10), The Man with a Guitar (14) and The Rookie (17) )

The stories in here are very tight and polished and as such I’m not going to have much to say in the way of useful critique. What we have here is set of intellectual and poetic tales that make a very concise use of language, packing power into virtually every word, phrase and image – none more so than in Her Secret Bordello.

My own personal favourite was The Man with the Guitar. I was enjoying this as a skillful and delicate observation of a short meeting between strangers, expecting it to be a nice little piece of observation, when all of a sudden we have a major twist at the end which turns things on their head in a powerful and hard-hitting way.

I found it very interesting to have the two authors interview each other about the thought process/writing process behind each story and I’m certain that this would appeal to other writers.

If there’s anything which could be considered a negative, it’s that these stories, and often the discussions afterwards, are very intellectual so they will probably not appeal to a mainstream audience who …. Uh … don’t like intellectual stuff. But that isn’t a negative.

Very well written. Good stuff. Can’t say much more than that.

All the best with it,

Ross

Ken and Adina,
"Mesh" would aptly describe the stories you meshed together somehow blending while one followed the other in a sequence of your design, first Adina's work then Ken's and so on in fair apportionment..You both have wordcraft, Adina's more poetically bent, Ken's more technical. You both rely on word strategy to effectively tell the story and you both deliver a fine tale. Thank you so much for the entertaining read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I love the first line of Penelope Waits. With a single sentence, you tell us a lot about him. He's clearly in love (or at least very infatuated), yet it demonstrates his impulsive behavior that we see later (i.e. pissing in the hallway, cheating on her ten times, going back for the waitress despite having thoughts of marriage). Great characterization.

The repetition of her name throughout is a great artistic, almost poetic device. You also have some stellar figurative language in here.

The repetition of "if the girl passing he and PJ..." isn't as strong, but it would be if each time you brought it up, it revealed something new about how they met. You do it to some extent already, but there were a couple times nothing new was revealed.

Man, what a heart-breaking yet realistic ending. I love the way you grip the emotions of your reader in such a short span. Outstanding work.

Typos: I believe "He might never had met her" should be "He might never have met her."

Other than that, this is dang near perfect. If you're reading this comment, please check out these stories. They're great.

I like the short, choppy writing style in "Her Secret Bordello." Immediately it creates a strong voice and quick pace, two necessary elements in short stories. The writing is top notch (i.e. Mostly, men's words are empty, rolling over her and ending as a sad, sick mass in the pit of her stomach.) I love the way you construct your sentences and your use of parallelism in "she did not see, did not hear.." It's very poetic and addicting. You are a phenomenal writer. I breezed through this first story.

The way you tap into her head and her feelings is authentic and heart-breaking. To long for truth and meaning, but to search for it in all the wrong places as she subjects herself to prostitution makes for a story with a powerful punch.

I also find it interesting that you include the notes at the end of each story. I like it. It allows your reader to get into your head and see what you were going for.

I usually keep track of suggestions along the way, but I reached the end of the story before I'd written down a single one. So... great job! I wouldn't change a thing. Short and bittersweet.

Minor typos: "how often was she was absent..." I think you've got an extra word in here? It didn't sound right.

I've read stories out of a few short story collections on authonomy, and while I've only read one of your stories so far, I can honestly say this is the best I've come across and that I will be back to read more. Highly rated and recommended. Good work!

Hello Ken Coffman Adina Pelle,

I had started on reading Chapters 1 - Your work is indeed a prize winning one. I found the following chocolate square in your baked bread bread like story:

“How beautiful you are...so beautiful, incredibly beautiful—I’m afraid of being lost in your eyes.” – Casanova!

“Mostly, men’s words are empty…rolling over her and ending as a sad, sick mass in the pit of her stomach.” – yeah, that is what apparently a lady would think after hearing such casanovasim.

“They did not know how many times they’d been broken. The body was violated but the stain did not touch her soul.” – wow. Is it usually the reverse?


“She remembered only certain incursions of flesh.
Her body lying next to his. She does not know him and makes no effort to change that situation. Their bodies were close—side-by-side. Under her skin, secrets were hidden in exhaustion and shut-down senses. On the bed, threadbare were sheets scattered. From head to toe, her body hurts, but her spirit is hidden and untouched.
No one knows. No one suspects.
Nobody, nothing, no.” – would be a wonderful song for stay and strained marriage as well.

“To find peace, all questions must be suspended,” – oh. Wow.

These are marvelous - the sort of book you keep at the bedside and savour a lstory at a time. I will read more this evening but backing and starring for now because Id buy it.

Liz
The Cheech Room