Book Jacket

 

rank 5445
word count 76188
date submitted 30.06.2011
date updated 12.07.2011
genres: Fiction
classification: adult
complete

Summer Comes To Paradise

Daniel C McNerney

Sun, fun, sex and violence abound in this debut detective thriller By Daniel McNerney. With characters pulled right from the streets of Long Beach California.

 

It’s the beginning of summer when Long Beach detective Thom Simpson is ordered off the investigation of a friend’s murder due to a lack of movement In the case. While he understands the reasoning he is still upset with his removal. He has no idea that over the next week he will take a short odyssey through the city’s homeless enclaves, run to ground a gang of violent felons confront and capture a serial killer and solve the murder of his friend, a two year old cold case murder and the attempt on the lives of two other friends.
The book and settings are rich with sun, fun sex and violence.

 
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tags

fiction, police procedural, romance, serial killer, sex, thriller

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7 comments

 

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riantorr wrote 58 days ago

Extraordinary!

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

sweetdisposition5 wrote 306 days ago

Hi Daniel,

My boyfriend Mark Kirkbride (The Devil's Fan Club) recommended your book to me and I can see why. Glad to back.

I wish you luck with it.

Patricia

sweetdisposition5 wrote 306 days ago

Hi Daniel,

My boyfriend Mark Kirkbride (The Devil's Fan Club) recommended your book to me and I can see why. Glad to back.

I wish you luck with it.

Patricia

RonParker wrote 307 days ago

Hi Daniel,

I haven't had time to read much of this, but so far it looks like an exciting story. There are a few missing commas and some typos, for example you have a though which should be thought, a it that should be its , and a to which should be too.

Omniscient pov is not very popular these days so you might struggle finding a publisher because of this. Howedver, it is the way I write myself so I wish you the best of luck.

Just clear up those typos and I think you will be on to a winner.

Ron

Daniel McNerney wrote 318 days ago

Thanks for the comments. I wrestled with the two he hads’ for some time and was unable to find a way out that didn’t sound heavy handed “oh well”. As For 5&6 being a little “fruity”, Jill hypersexuality is highly germaine to the story and I felt that It was necessary to bring out her intensity as early and strongly as possible. Trust me there is a lot more” fruit” were that came from. According to everything I learned in grammar school frozen is the correct word (he froze – he was frozen) as the whole paragraph is written in the past tense. I’m still working on the proofreading so lets hear nothing more on missing commas. Once again thanks for the thought

Daniel
I read a lot of thrillers, and this sounds like a good plot. Your pacing and release of information is good. There are a few minor things I've pointed out below, but these are easily overcome. Read to the end of chap 6. Chaps 5 and 6 were a bit more fruity than I'd thought they were going to be.
nitpicks
First line - "he had" twice in arow made it feel a bit awkward, just my opinion obviously. I think reentered should be re-entered. Quite a few missing commas, I had to re-read some sentences because of them. $600.00 I'd lose the .00 from the end. "Stayed still as if frozen" could be changed to "froze", it speeds it up. Leavening at end of chapter.
Good luck with this,
Charlie

CharlieChuck wrote 321 days ago

Daniel
I read a lot of thrillers, and this sounds like a good plot. Your pacing and release of information is good. There are a few minor things I've pointed out below, but these are easily overcome. Read to the end of chap 6. Chaps 5 and 6 were a bit more fruity than I'd thought they were going to be.
nitpicks
First line - "he had" twice in arow made it feel a bit awkward, just my opinion obviously. I think reentered should be re-entered. Quite a few missing commas, I had to re-read some sentences because of them. $600.00 I'd lose the .00 from the end. "Stayed still as if frozen" could be changed to "froze", it speeds it up. Leavening at end of chapter.
Good luck with this,
Charlie

Mark Kirkbride wrote 324 days ago

Hi Daniel, I made a start on reading this tonight. Have to say, that's the best first sentence I've seen on this site! And the narrative is no-nonsense and right on the money. I noticed a couple of typos ('stopped to admired', 'to bad') but those can easily be cleared up. Will hopefully be back for more soon but a fistful of stars for now...

Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

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