Book Jacket

 

rank 5445
word count 26916
date submitted 11.11.2008
date updated 06.03.2009
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Children's
classification: universal
incomplete

Keeper of the Enchanted Pool - Now in Print!

Lucy Fox

Talking gorillas, ghastly pygmies, Pipples? Lottie, is amazed to have the Pipples ability for telepathy and teleportation, but this is only the beginning...

 

Lottie’s life changes following the loss of her parents, who were aboard the Titanic. The arrival of her guardian, Uncle Thomas, at the Edwardian estate of her father, spells disaster for Lottie. Morath watches Lottie in visions on his pools surface. Through dreams, she is led to find magic chalks on a beach. With her friend Bertie’s help, she draws a rainbow entrance on a cliff face leading to Entransia. They are met by the Pipples, led by Otto, who escorts them to Morath. He uses the pool to show Lottie how she arrived in the land of the humans, and how it’s time she returned to be queen. Her mission, accompanied by Otto and a small army, is to rescue Zultar, acting Crown Prince of Entransia, from Fala’s dungeon.

Morath forbids Bertie to go, but whilst following Lottie, falls into a trap set by the real Uncle Thomas. Led there by Fala, in the guise of a fellow soldier, Thomas thinks himself still at war. Lottie rescues Zultar, but Bertie is captured. She executes a plan to save Bertie and defeat Fala. Lottie is delighted that her father is at home on her return.

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tags

, adventure, beach, boy, chalk, children, cliff, fairy, girl, gold, gorilla, king, magic, monster, queen, rainbow

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33 comments

 

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Nick Poole2 wrote 825 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Lucy Fox wrote 1175 days ago

Lucy,
Fantastic! I love Lottie. Your characters are incredibly vivid. Wonderful work. On my shelf.
Charity



Charity, thank you very much for your great comments.

Lucyx

Charity Shindle wrote 1193 days ago

Lucy,
Fantastic! I love Lottie. Your characters are incredibly vivid. Wonderful work. On my shelf.
Charity

Lucy Fox wrote 1214 days ago

Thank you all so much for your wonderful and helpful comments on my book.xxx
I am not able to get an internet connection all the time as I am piggybacking on some neighbours wireless connection until my own is put on.

I will get around to being more active on here, just need to sort my head and health out. Not to mention all that needs doing in a new home!

Love
Lucyxx

S. Chris Shirley wrote 1215 days ago

Enchanting! I was drawn into the magical book immediately. Very imaginative and that Uncle Thomas is perfectly despicable -- I LOVE his limp and the scrape of his walking stick! He's a worthy appointment for our lovely Lottie! Shelved!

Shayne Parkinson wrote 1219 days ago

This is delightful, Lucy. A lovely old-fashioned tale with classic themes like orphanhood and a lost princess. Echoing some other comments, I was surprised to read that Lottie's fourteen, as she seemed younger. But that aside, I thoroughly enjoyed the five chapters I read, and will place this on my shelf.

dking97 wrote 1220 days ago

Lucy, this is a nice tale of escapism, perfect for a young girl to read. Right from the start, you set the tone that the MC will embark on a grand adventure very soon, and all we have to do as readers is swim along with her. I think the rhythm and feeling of the prose - they match the setting perfectly which is ultra-important, I think, in a book.

A few times, I've gotten a bit confused on the attribution of some thoughts within the narrative. "she was not worried at all about..." really ties to the girl, but after reading it I realized you meant that the mother was thinking this. Might want to reword that to be more clear. And there are others like this. Many times when you start a sentence with "she..." when there are several characters (Lottie, mother, nanny) to whom she could refer. Just be careful that every time you drop from omniscient observation into a personal "thought" by a character, that the attribution is crystal clear.

Whoa, Chapter 2 really threw me for a loop. I had to sit back and stop for a while. Too unexepected. The ending of Chap 1 read just like a proper Chap 1 and I expected to follow them to the beach.

I think the whole back-in-time thing, with the jumpy timeframe is a bit clunky. You jump forward to the parents being dead, then backward again to take a page or two to show how Lottie was told about the voyage. Overall, Chap 1 read a lot smoother than Chap 2. Crisper, and more vivid.

Oh poor Lottie, everything going downhill for her. I hope she gets to go on her adventure soon.

Lucy, you've hit on the right notes: young person, trouble at home, dead/missing parents, the need for adventure, and then the storyline of her going on that adventure she so needed. Works in SO many other children's novels it will certainly work here. With a good edit, this should rise very high.

Good luck!
Dave

MORNINGMOON wrote 1222 days ago

Hello Lucy :)

My apology about the delay. I want you to know I have shelf your book. I love fairytales and this is a good one!

I hope you have more to tale lol

Enjoy your week my dear *X*

mskea wrote 1226 days ago

Hi Lucy,
Have been looking at children's books today - in need of escapism - and found this.
Have read 4 chs so I guess its time for some impressions.
Some description that I enjoyed - eg - 'cliff stretched up high to meet the sky'.
Lottie's age - I'd put her at around 10 /11 so was a bit surprised by the 14. - I don't think she comes across as that old, perhaps because of her need / desire for Nanny's hugs and the picnics with Bertie - just general impression of innocence. You may not need her to be as old as 14 for the plot?
Just a couple of bits that jarred a little with me - 'were since forgotten' -seemed clumsy / 'gorilla' in 'ample gorilla proportions' isn't needed and is perhaps a little ott.
Her reaction to her mother's death didn't convince me - I would have expected her to really miss her father but not the mother - who was after all not good to her.
Otherwise I find the plot interesting - and I do hope we get to know how her father / mother became her 'care parents'. Clever to have Morath engineer her parents place on the Titanic - raises the question how good / bad is he, is there sufficient justification for the death of her parents? Will the readers ever sympathize with him or Yamka or Zultar?
Complex stuff - plenty for a reader to get their teeth into - certainly for kids.
This is staying on my watchlist for now

Margaret(Munro's Choice)

Ariom Dahl wrote 1237 days ago


Hello Lucy,
Reading the first chapter, I was attracted to the character of Lottie. I was surprised when I got into chapter 2 to discover she was 14; she seemed much younger than that. This is a pretty story, but as an adult reader I’m not captivated enough to keep going. There’s nothing wrong with it, it just doesn’t attract me. And this is, of course, only my opinion.
Btw, if you want to respond to my comments, you can go to my profile and send me a message there, rather than putting your reply here at the end of the chapter. That way, I’ll SEE what you’re saying.
Regards and good luck with this, it really is a nice story for young kids, just not for me. So it's done a stint on my bookshelf as it really does have potential.

Annie wrote 1237 days ago

I love your story. It's charming and takes me to strange and wonderful worlds. When I read the pitch, I thought that it sounded like it was put together rather quickly. It doesn't really do justice to the story, and may put off a lot of people from reading it. There seems to be too many characters, too soon. The reader is not yet acqainted with all these people, thus do not really care about them. I think that a different approach to the pitch, may make the book more alluring and exciting to a reader who's looking for something to sink her/his teeth into.

Maybe, tell us about Lottie and who she is/what she does/her personal journey.

I read your first chapter and was transported. However, as you're marketing this for children, I wondered what age your audience would be. While the story is great, I found that you used quite a lot of words that children may have to look up. There are guidelines for writing for children, which you can find from any good library. I said the library and not the internet, because you will actually get help at the library, from people who know. I know that the writer is encouraged to use bigger words so that children will widen their vocabulary, but I think that there is a quota on how many you can use per chapter. I can't remember this very well, I learned it in my writing course, but didn't pay enough attention, because I wasn't going to write for children. Also, think of the kids' enjoyment of the story. Many kids read at an advanced age - my daughters do. But you have to cater for a general readership.

I think that your choice of words are more suited for YA. What do you think?

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm only trying to help. Please forgive me if anything I've said sounds like I'm attacking your writing, because I am not.

I shall add this to my watch list to read some more of it in due course.

best
anne

Ariom Dahl wrote 1238 days ago

Hello Lucy,
I’m reading this as a balance to the crime and thrillers I’ve been at recently and it looks to be a charming read, like many fantasy tales for children. My interest was grabbed by the Titanic reference; my father was born in Scotland the night that ship sank. So it’s one date I never have trouble remembering! After I’ve read more I’ll come back with comments, but for the pleasure of Lottie’s character this can sit on my bookshelf for a spell.
Regards and good luck,

Ruthy wrote 1241 days ago

Hi Lucy,
This is now on my bookshelf, and I`m going to read it to my daughter tonight. Lovely!
Ruth

AnniaL wrote 1242 days ago

Hey Lucy,
This is a charming fairytale. It transported me immediately to a world of strong imagination, colours, I expect amazing things to happen!
Your writing flows smoothly, it's easy for a child to read but doesn't alienate an adult, either.
I love the magical chalks and can't wait to see what adventures Lottie and Bertie will get themselves into.
There's only one thing that made me pause a little and that's in the 2nd chapter...Lottie felt a lot younger than 14 to me, especially the way she ran to Nanny, flung her arms around her. Maybe, it would be helpful if you included some dates at the beginning of the chapters? That would help me a lot!!!
Your book will go onto my bookshelf and i wish you luck with it.
I love your imagination!
Take care,
Annia ;-)

Ali Cooper wrote 1246 days ago

Hi Lucy. this is bright and rich. I love the vivid description of the garden. putting it on my shelf. Ali.

Karen Carr wrote 1248 days ago

I've just read the first two chapters and have some notes for you:

I think you have an enjoyable story with an interesting premise. I think there's a bit of trimming you could do after the dream sequence (which was great) there's a bit of narration you could tighten up.

I like the relationship between Nanny and Lottie--too bad she doesn't like her own mother! It did throw me a bit that she lost her mom by the second chapter. Did she drown between the first and second chapter or before the story starts? You might want to make that clearer. Let me know if you put up an edit, I'd be glad to look again.

In chapter two, I would like to see more of where they are, maybe more details of the setting, how does it smell, what does she see or hear? In the dialogue scene you probably could have more sense of place.

With a good edit and some more detail, I think you could have a fun story here. The same thing I'm doing with my book--adding more layers. One or two more pass throughs should do it.

tadhgfan wrote 1248 days ago

Lucy,
This is sweet. My daughter loves leaning over fish ponds trying to catch the fish! (not count them) SO I was picturing her through this. Very nicely done. I like th enchanted pool idea. Reminds me of a Dr Suess book Muguligans pool (Or something like that) Kids love to dream about what the depths will hold.
The parents dying on the Titanic seems like a very startling way to go. I wonder how you will tie in the significance throughout the tale?
And MAgic chalk? Gotta love that! Worked well for Mary Poppins (which my 2 girls keep asking me to but on dvd) You have a lovely story here.

Gina

Patty wrote 1250 days ago

Lucy,

Enchanted pools always make good material for kids reading! I feel this story starts at a good pace that is suitable for the age group. The obviously evil Morath is a good addition.
My main suggestion is that I feel the language can be prettied up some. I find the narrative a bit heavy on the word was/were. Not that it's a bad word, but overuse makes the text rather flat. There are so many more good descriptive verbs available.
When you talk about the mother and her expensive clothing, and about Bertie, I feel the narrative slips from Lottie's child-perspective into a narrating voice. I doubt Lottie would have the maturity to see either her mother or Berie in the way described here. While there is nothing wrong with an omniscient voice, the rest of the chapter is in Lottie's head, so these jumps jar a bit for me.

Lucy Fox wrote 1253 days ago

Lucy, I've only had a chance to read the first two chapters but so far it's a pretty good story. I felt for Lotti as soon as you mentioned the Titanic. The dream was well written, although a little eerie as well. What age group are you writing for? YA? So far I'd think over 12. I'll have to come back to see what happens next. Linda


Thank you very much , Linda. I am aiming it at 8+, children vary in their abilities so much, it's difficult. I have had comments in the past that Lottie and Bertie are behaving too young for their age, but I've fit it in with the times. Just hoping it works. I've got quite a bit of info over the years from family who lived in that era on an estate, which has helped.
Thanks again
Lucy

ljs wrote 1253 days ago

Lucy, I've only had a chance to read the first two chapters but so far it's a pretty good story. I felt for Lotti as soon as you mentioned the Titanic. The dream was well written, although a little eerie as well. What age group are you writing for? YA? So far I'd think over 12. I'll have to come back to see what happens next. Linda

Lucy Fox wrote 1254 days ago

CRIKEY!!! What a lovely start to my day. Thank you very much indeed, Heikki.
Lucyxx

Heikki Hietala wrote 1254 days ago

Dear Lucy,

this is a gem hidden in the doldrums. You capture Lottie with such a flawless grace that I just read Ch 3 twice. The first part of the first chapter was so high flying that I figured, if it doesn't change soon I'll switch books, but then it did change into a beautifully unfurling dramatic story.

I particularly like the way you bring us to the time and place thru the Titanic. Iconic items such as that can feel plastered on, but not so here.

I'd say this should have to rise soon and get more attention. It richly deserves it. Actually, I'll use the forums for a bit of pushing, if you don't mind.

Great work!

Heikki

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 1263 days ago

This one surprised me. It really kept me reading!

Bwana wrote 1267 days ago

What an enchanting tale! This story will be much enjoyed by children and adults alike.

hallyally wrote 1269 days ago

Lucy - this is such a charming story. Very traditional, and so much the better for a fairy tale! Just a quick comment for now but good luck with it. Alison

4dprefect wrote 1269 days ago

Hi Lucy. This is lovely. I'm hesitant to say that to someone who liked my book, since there's a risk you'll think I'm just saying that to be kind. But trust me, I speak as I find. There's an enchanting quality to this from the start and - apart from not starting with Once Upon A Time... - it has the air of a very traditional fairy tale, but one in which you plunge us into the story right away (the horrible face she sees in the water) and sow with plenty of splashes of colour. Nice character touches too, like the girl asking the fish to slow down so she can count them. Definitely for girl readers and I'm not sure what exact age group your targeting, but I can easily see this capturing quite a few young imaginations. Good job. One minor point thus far: I know the Titanic is very well known but I wonder if young readers would need some small additional details to clue them in on that.

Lucy Fox wrote 1286 days ago

Hello, Gadflie. Nice to meet you. Thank you very much for your kind words. I hope he likes it, too. Has he mastered any of Dire Straits stuff? My hubby plays bass. I hope you like the rest. It is a complete book, but I am worried about the rumours of theft. I have had a nosey on your page and see you have a story about a leprachaun. I must read it, as I love leprachauns!
Lucy

Gadflie wrote 1286 days ago

I just really got started and am already enthralled. I'm going to add this to my watch list right away and also pass it on to my 15 year old budding guitar god son (who will love it even if he won't admit it to his friends).

Lucy Fox wrote 1286 days ago

Oh, hello AJK. Thank you very much! I have just been to your page and your book sounds delightful and very exciting. I will put it on my watchlist and have a read. Can I had a new shelf like at home?!!! I will put it on my shelf when I've finished one of the others. Thanks again
Lucy

AJK wrote 1286 days ago

Hi started to read this when I was locked out of my site Friday. I jotted down book name etc then couldnt find it!!! Just saw hannahs thread so found it!What a lovely story you have here.Will read chapters further tomorrow!

Hannah wrote 1286 days ago

Hi Lucy
This moves so fast! Which is a plus. Spins from one scene to another, like a collage. Some wonderful imaginative touches - i adore seeing people's imaginations. One of the best things about being a writer and a reader. I'm quite tired tonight, so no real constructive comments, just a sigh of pleasure over your work.
Bookshelf space is so tight on my shelf (have read SO much in the past 6 weeks!) but will do a plug for you in the forum to get you more reads. Hope this helps.
Hannah

P J wrote 1286 days ago

Lucy - what a charming book. I think it will do well here. I like the Edwardian setting and the fact that Lottie doesn't stumble into another world - they're waiting for her to come. The magic chalks are an inspired choice - I've always loved Mary Poppins and it reminds me of that. It's a very visual book - ie you can see it unfolding in front of you, and I love the cover. Thanks for a bit of true escapism and good luck on Authonomy. This will take a turn on my shelf tomorrow.

Tricia.

Nix wrote 1289 days ago

Hello Lucy,
What a delightful story! Lottie is an engaging and attractive central character, and any child would love to identify with her and her adventures. Loyal Bertie is also well drawn.
Finding magic chalks and drawing an entrance to Entransia is a wonderful idea and the enchanted pool is a lovely focal point. Of course, possessing special powers is a fascinating concept and the reader is led effortlessly into this magical world, and Lottie's seemingly impossible quest. The plot has unexpected twists and turns which always keeps the reader's interest, plenty of action and intrigue.
Perhaps my favourite character was Otto and the Pipples. These endearing little creatures with their 'warning signal' tails are designed to charm any young reader.
I can see this book published and becoming a huge favourite. It lends itself to follow-on stories and I can imagine the Pipples being made as soft toys which children would adore.
Good luck with this, Lucy, and I shall put it on my shelf.
Nicky
(Chickens and Churchbells)

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