Book Jacket

 

rank 545
word count 65654
date submitted 11.07.2011
date updated 08.12.2011
genres: Fiction, Comedy, Crime
classification: adult
complete

Just Making Sure

Felix Bradninch

After a death in the salon, scandal threatens and a paranoid power struggle begins: drugs, vice and corruption, conspiracy to murder - what happens next?

 

When a customer dies on the premises, Howard becomes fearful of bad publicity. He sees the dead woman's husband, Stretford, as a threat to his very existence. He desperately seeks compromising evidence, embarrassing details, in Stretford's background.
As the inquest approaches, Howard employs the salacious Mattie as an agent. Will Stretford fall for her blandishments? Or will Howard become a victim of his own strategy? Dora, Howard's upright, devoted and long-suffering wife is drawn to another innocent, while Grenadier, as unscrupulous as Howard, joins forces with him - or does he?
Suspicion, blackmail, drug abuse and seduction combine in a final conspiracy of murderous intent.

 
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tags

alcohol, blackmail, cannabis, cappuccino, cigerette, compassion, councillor, dark, death, drugs, hairdresser, humour, joint, murder, overdose, police,...

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12 comments

 

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iandsmith wrote 70 days ago

I’m enjoying this. I’m propelled by wondering where the over-enthusiastic policing is going, why the customers were disloyal, whether the salon will survive and Howard’s love of Devon Otter Ale which had such an effect I had to head out immediately for a pint of Cornish Tribute (next best thing). A Death in the Salon, is a great book, mundane, provincial but equally engaging as the grim news ripples out through Torquay’s bars and salons. A wickedly good idea.

mucha do wrote 113 days ago

It starts off with a bang. Only a couple of chapters in, I'm struggling with the motivation, but trust it will fall into place. Shelved!

David J Baron wrote 157 days ago

Hi Michael

Read the first couple of chapters at lunch. Very reminiscent of Graeme Greene especially the realistic prose and dialogue.
Enjoying this a lot so far - an easy read but masterfully done. I will read more when I get the chance, but definitely backed for now.

David J Baron - The List

orma wrote 164 days ago

A very nice read. Slow start, but the tension built quite quickly then.
It sounds realistic with a touch of the comedic. The woman dying in the hairdressers and no one noticing.
I'm sure there's a lot more drama to come.
The opening paragraph has left me with a lot of questions and I'm dying to know what that's about.
Yes, I really enjoyed this. You're adept at characterization.
Best wishes and good luck.

Michael Johnson wrote 171 days ago

Thanks for the positive comment, Mick. Glad you enjoyed it.

Michael

Thoroughly enjoyed the read, Felix (Michael) ... Although slow to start once it gets going it's a tight, pacey read. Dialogue is realistic and the humour is cleverly interspersed.

Overall a good read, well done, Mate.

Mick

mstj wrote 172 days ago

Thoroughly enjoyed the read, Felix (Michael) ... Although slow to start once it gets going it's a tight, pacey read. Dialogue is realistic and the humour is cleverly interspersed.

Overall a good read, well done, Mate.

Mick

Michael Johnson wrote 213 days ago

Hello, Tammy.

Many thanks for your very kind comments on Just Making Sure.

I accept what you say about the long sales pitch. It really does need rewriting.

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes in the punctuation and word order. That's always useful.

"What would we like doing today?" is a colloquial usage. Possibly it's peculiar to the British Isles, or it may even be regional, I'm not sure. I'll have to track that one down for my own peace of mind!

Thanks again. As you know, comments like that give you a real lift.

All the best.
Colin.

kiwigirl2011 wrote 214 days ago

Hi :-) Sorry it took me so long to get to this.
Ok honestly? I think your long pitch needs reworking. I would lose the whole bit at the beginning and start from ‘A customer dies’ Now that I've read your story the pitch is not really doing the wonderful comic aspect of your story justice.
Topnobs – funny!
Chapter 3 - Howard (missing the s) head turned quickly towards him
Chapter 4 – As was he crossing it – should be ‘as he was crossing it’
You have some weird speech marks like “’ before “’Course. No problem”
You have a colon after the words “That’s close to home as well. For me:”
Howard is such a character – he really believed he set Gus right on the whole banning Vernon thing with just one line!
“And what would we like doing today?” – To me this should be “And what would we like done today?”
This is really, really wonderful! I love the characters and the way you tell their story. They are so easy to mock but subtly done. This reminds me of a Fannie Flagg novel, very richly character driven. I can’t say enough for this, it deserves to be higher than it is and I will put it on my list to shelve soon.
An easy six stars from me, you’re very talented!
Tammy Robinson

Mark Kirkbride wrote 224 days ago

Hi Michael,

Sorry it's taken me a while to read your book. It's been quite a busy week. I've only read two full chapters so far but I didn't want you to think that I'd forgotten so thought I'd comment on those. I really like the short opening scene and they way you work back from that.

There's some really fine writing, pinning things down absolutely perfectly but without being showy - the clouds coming in steadily and slantwise, the wind lively but soft, the reflections of the harbour lights shimmering, glistening and rippling.The dialogue is also extremely realistic. And I liked the name for the hairdresser's - Headshapes. There's a lot of elements in play and I've yet to work out how they're all going to come together, but that's good at this stage.

In terms of more helpful feedback, there isn't a lot I can say because this seems really well written and well edited. I'm not sure if 'T.V.' etc still need dots these days. Also, I noticed that on one occasion you describe the face of a character while writing from their point of view. This is fine for an omniscient narrative, of course, but I didn't notice a lot of it, so I wasn't sure.

I'm happy to give this a bit of backing.

All the very best with it,

Mark

Colin Neville wrote 240 days ago

The opening chapters of this novel are written with quiet assurance and droll humour. The author has an excellent ear for dialogue and the conversations flow naturally and unstrained; I could 'hear' this story as a future radio play. There is a strong sense of British provincial town place - and with all its politics and intrigue waiting to be unravelled.

I enjoyed the small but telling details about the main characters: the teabag for Howard, that had to left for a particular time to brew; Dora's 'graceful gesture with her hand, suggestive of a gentle fluttering away'; and Bridget's complexion that: "... suggested the influence of nicotine and alcohol'. The characters of Howard and Dora are particularly well-defined in their apparent complementary differences and similarities of personality.

The story emerges slowly and at a pace that allows the reader to enjoy the detail. The author does not push the action, but there is, nevertheless, a sense of something lurking below the veneer of the town's respectability.

Some sentences could be pruned a little, e.g. after the prologue: 'several weeks earlier [ than the incident outside the courts in Torquay] Howard parked...'
I liked the lyrical description of the day, starting the 'Sky above the South Devon coast...', but the simile: 'shock sat like a stone in Dora's stomach...' didn't quite work for me, although I can't quite figure out why just yet!

Agree too, with a previous commentator who recommends breaking the long pitch down into shorter, more accessible paragraphs.

Overall then, I enjoyed the start of this book immensely, and it was pleasing to see an interesting story weaved around and from the lives of middle-aged, ordinary people who are often overlooked in contemporary fiction.

I will certainly return to continue reading. Recommended.

Colin Neville

Cariad wrote 263 days ago

Like the writing style. Varied sentences, no overwriting, short snappy prose. It starts with a mysterious incident which made me want to carry on, and I then found the reading worth the inquiry. Your dialogue is believable and your characters manage to be individual from the start. One thing - I'd shorten the long pitch if you can and break it into a couple of paragraphs for easier reading. I shall be reading a bit more of this (only read 2 chapters so far) and will comment again then. Have some stars for now.
Cariad.

Su Dan wrote 276 days ago

very good story told in every-day language that relays your story well and making this a very enjoyable book...
on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

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