Book Jacket

 

rank 110
word count 99564
date submitted 13.07.2011
date updated 30.08.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction,...
classification: moderate
complete

CHARLIE and the men in shoes

MD Shakespeare Fletcher

Almost three years ago Britain’s foremost authority on artificial intelligence was torn from his family by a rival’s terrible creation. Now the nightmare has returned.

 

Visited in the dead of night by D9, a secret department of British Intelligence, Elizabeth Bingham receives the unwelcome news that Jack Winter, the man thought to be responsible for her husband’s disappearance, is back in the UK.

Charlie thought he’d be safe at Uncle Harry’s Water Mill on the remote North Norfolk coast, but when D9 decide to evacuate the Bingham family there, it will only be a matter of time before he’s discovered and his fight to protect them all will commence.

From the sinister development laboratories buried beneath the searing sand and salt of Area 51, to the port of Marseilles, the beautiful, but dangerous, Brecon Beacons; training ground of the elite Special Air Service and the idyllic countryside of Norfolk and Somerset, the family are pitched into a battle for survival against one of the most fearsome weapon systems ever to be created.

But can the family succeed where Special Forces have failed to protect them? With Charlie, their newly found family member on their side, I wouldn’t bet against it.

 
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tags

action, adventure, family, fiction, france, fun, love, norfolk, nurture, robot, science fiction, somerset, teenage, thriller

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60 comments

 

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a.morrison712 wrote 253 days ago

I read to what Authonomy lists as Chapter 2(Your chapter 1 and prologue). The idea behind this is really interesting, it reminds me a little bit of that movie A.I., that came back several years ago. However, I've never seen a book that focuses on this theme that was a huge success. I think you could have something here, a new kind of sci-fi in a way. I'm really interested to see how this story turns out, having a MC who can't feel will be a challenge and I'm interested to see how you will handle that. I am giving you high stars for originality and because I think this is publishable. Good luck with it!

Best,

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

missyfleming_22 wrote 259 days ago

This was a little different than I was expecting and I mean that in a very good way. It's so different and for me, that's refreshing! You've got so much going on but it doesn't feel that way, the chapters breeze by and I read more than I intended. I wish you luck with Charlie!

Missy

katjay wrote 292 days ago

Charlie and the Men in Shoes
Mark, this has all the ingredients of a cracking thriller! I’ve read a couple of chapters so far – Charlie is intriguing and only some subtle hints of what he might be. Your depiction of the Binghams is spot-on, a typical family and the interaction and dialogue between the family members is well observed. Plenty of mystery and I look forward to reading more. ******
Kat x Hens from Hell

Shepback wrote 289 days ago

Hi Mark.
I have read 11 chapters of your book and I'm intrigued. There's a lot happening and I want to know how it all comes together. I have only just met Charlie and I like him already...I know he's going to be a character.
You have my attention and I'm certainly going to read on.
I'm going to star you immediately and put you on my WL.
I like your style of writing and you have great imagination. I'll be back in touch when I read more.
Cheers
Willie (Missing)

Shelby Z. wrote 14 days ago

This is Different!
The opening is a bit confusing for the opener, but you wrote it well.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

whoster wrote 65 days ago

Hi Mark,

After receiving excellent support from your sister for my manuscript, I promised to her I'll check out some of your manuscript. You seem to know your subject very well, and I thought Part 1 sets the premise very well. One small thing I noticed - "Charlie wasn't bored he had a purpose." In my humble opinion, there should be a dash or semi-colon after 'bored.'

I liked the way the first main chapter provides plenty of intrigue - and I especially liked the descriptiveness of Jake's childhood, something that'll enamour him to the reader. You write fluently, economically, and with authentic sounding dialogue between the characters. Best of luck for the success of this manuscript - and I hope a high star rating will encourage your green arrow to stay.

Pete

PS. I see you reside in my beloved Somerset. I went to Weston-super-Mud a couple of weeks ago to check out the new pier - and a bloody splendid job they've done with it too. I just hope nobody leaves the chip pan on with this one!

Wussyboy wrote 129 days ago

Jane sent me over to look at your book, Mark, and I'm glad she did. 'Charlie' is a marvellous tale, well set up by the brooding prologue and then whipping along at a fantastic pace. Your Tom is a fab creation, and reminds me of me at that age - my dad was taken away (died) when I was two, and I stopped sleeping at nights too, plagued by the same fears and imaginings as young Tom. If I have one tiny criticism in an otherwise flawless chap one, it would be to cut back on the backstory of Warriner, it holds the action up, imho.. Do we really need to know his rise through the ranks, or the DS9 thing? How about going straight from 'What Tom did not know was the older man was Christian Warriner of MI6. The men around him, the men in suits, were part of his team.' Oh, and there are two large chunks of 'tell' in chap 27, where Parker tells the fate of the Titans - how about someone interrupting him with a few 'questions', to break it up a bit?

Overall, a very fine addition to the 'crime sci-fit' genre - 6 stars from me, highly enjoyable.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

Oh yes, pernickety me again, your prologue might read better (para 4) as: 'Charlie wasn't bored. He had a purpose. A real and very important purpose. And when the time for action came, he'd be ready.'

Kaiser Bill wrote 136 days ago

Hi Mark, have read a couple of chapters so far. You've definitely captured my interest - good plot, well-paced, good cast of characters. Well done!

Rachel Abbott wrote 165 days ago

I like the idea behind the book, and I think it moves at a really good pace. It is intriguing and if I wasn't reading it at a computer screen, I would definitely carry on with it.
Just a couple of small points - and they are, of course, very subjective. The changing POV issues in The Men in Suits chapter was difficult for me. One minute the scene was from Tom's eyes, then Warriner's, then back to Tom, and occasionally Elizabeth's POV. I think I find this difficult because I am quite a visual person, and I literally 'see' a scene in my head. When the POV jumps, I get a bit dizzy.
The other thing that I found a bit tricky was some of the punctuation - particularly the use of the semi colon. But then I'm never entirely sure when you SHOULD use a semi colon, so I'm probably not the best person to comment on that.
However the important thing is that the story is interesting with strong characters, and the pace is good. Any other relative small issues can easily be sorted - and I wish you every success with this book.
Rachel

carlaf wrote 173 days ago

A very provocative beginning, I'll definitely keep reading, and put it on my watch list. I am definitely looking forward to what is promising to be a great read!

djmantle wrote 177 days ago

[comment based on reading chapters 1-6]

MD, your book has an intriguing premise and on reading chapter One I was drawn into the story immediately.

I have a few suggestions for editing (and these of course are just my opinion):

I like the idea of seeing the story from different perspectives, particularly contrasting those of the children and the adults. However, as others have commented, the sometimes rapid change of POV from third person to omniscient can be a little confusing.

Again, as others have commented, some trimming of the story taking out unnecessary detail and description would increase the flow of the story.

Finally, when writing dialogue, it seems redundant to say how a person is saying something when the dialogue itself and "she/he said" should be sufficient, e.g. ch2 "she asserted boldly"; ch3 "Jake sobbed"; "smiled Elizabeth" (can you smile speech?); "she smirked"; "he asked excitedly".

Best of luck with your book.

Pete A wrote 200 days ago

CHARLIE and the men in shoes

All critique is subjective.

Title: Just a little unsure about this. A slightly childish element to it that puzzled me but no biggy.

Short pitch: ‘torn from his family,’ literally? One presumes you mean that this rival has built a ‘terrible’ robot and that violence was involved, but I could be wrong. I’m not sure it’s ever a good idea to be anything but completely explicit in a pitch – they are there solely to sell the idea to the reader and so we don’t want any ambiguity or confusion. I’d rephrase it slightly.

Long Pitch: It’s too long Mark. A) the language can be tightened. E.g.: …’man thought to be…’ cut the ‘to be’ you lose two words. Do this throughout. B) It’s discursive, chatting about locations and so on. Concentrate on the core plot ideas; C) avoid clichés like ‘dead of night’; D) wrong sort of question at the end – reader cannot answer any other way –of course they’ll succeed.

Main text: I’m sorry Mark but what a hostage this remark is: ‘Humans would have become bored by now’ I got the AI implication but I don’t think your drawn out ‘time’ paragraph works. The first comparison is an oxymoron – it reads ‘slow passing of each second’. Nope, the reader gets a wallop of contradiction and thinks eh? What? You are trying to get the AI’s different ‘perception’ of time across. Great. A good idea to start with. But your reader is carrying very very strong intuitions about human time perception which you have to violate to get the idea over. I would just cut straight to the ‘2 years, 9 months….’ And may be incorporate a phrase or two from the existing first paragraph into the paragraph beginning ‘Humans…’

Your first substantive chapter named ‘Men in Suits’ immediately made me go back and check the book title. In others words it confused me. What are ‘strong’ genes? I see you mean ‘genes for strength’ but that is poor terminology. It’s better to avoid anything tendentious like that.

Language: generally this reads OK but it needs considerable tightening up at your next edit. There are many word echoes; the word ‘hair’ in this sentence for example. ‘Having grown tired…’ There are also many opportunities to compress the expression. For example right there at the beginning. If he has ‘always slept’ that way then you don’t need to say ‘from a baby’, it’s a redundant expression isn’t it; implied by the first bit.

I found considerable confusion over POV in this first chapter. There is a suggestion that we are ‘with’ Jake – getting introduced to him as a character. Then we switch to Tom and this leads us through a lot of narration to the confrontation scene downstairs where we suddenly get an intrusive authorial narration of the MI6 guy. The scene develops but Tom then leaves the scene and the dialogue continues. I think you need to choose which perspective you want to dominate because, at the moment, this is confusing.

jo gardner wrote 237 days ago

A fast paced, exciting read. The helicopter scene is particularly vivid, and I like the family life touches teamed with the men in shoes dark side of things. read 4 chapters, starred and will read more soon, this certainly deserves some shelf space too!

Jo
Lexi's place

maxine boyle wrote 239 days ago


Fantastic book Mark you have a wonderful talent .Best of luck

Maxine

Stuart Davis wrote 248 days ago

Chapter 1 hooks you straight in...very exciting stuff...well done!

a.morrison712 wrote 253 days ago

I read to what Authonomy lists as Chapter 2(Your chapter 1 and prologue). The idea behind this is really interesting, it reminds me a little bit of that movie A.I., that came back several years ago. However, I've never seen a book that focuses on this theme that was a huge success. I think you could have something here, a new kind of sci-fi in a way. I'm really interested to see how this story turns out, having a MC who can't feel will be a challenge and I'm interested to see how you will handle that. I am giving you high stars for originality and because I think this is publishable. Good luck with it!

Best,

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

tena daly wrote 256 days ago

well done , being out of work has its advantages . great book
Tena xx

Glyn Sisson wrote 256 days ago

Nice one Mark

missyfleming_22 wrote 259 days ago

This was a little different than I was expecting and I mean that in a very good way. It's so different and for me, that's refreshing! You've got so much going on but it doesn't feel that way, the chapters breeze by and I read more than I intended. I wish you luck with Charlie!

Missy

loopyjenz wrote 259 days ago

Nice one mr Fletcher...

peanutpanhead wrote 260 days ago

Nice one Mark
Still trying to work out who you based the characters on
looking forward to 2nd episode

grumpytowers wrote 270 days ago

Mark,
I thoroughly enjoyed the book and would like to comment more on its content, however I don't want to give anything away. An outstanding first book and hope it is the first of many.
I look forward to discussing the book with you soon.
All the very best.
Grumpy Towers

Tezza wrote 270 days ago

Hit the ground running or what. Excellent, gripping and exhilarating.

lynxelot wrote 272 days ago

Really enjoying it, look forward to part 2!

kbbbbb wrote 275 days ago

hi mark
good read keep up the good work
all the best, keith

kbbbbb wrote 275 days ago

hi mark
good read keep up the good work
all the best, keith

Michael Croucher wrote 276 days ago

A good early building of tension and an intriguing premise to the story. It's a slightly different genre for me, but I enjoyed the change and I found it well written and compelling. I think the story would be even more powerful with a slight trimming of words, but that's my take only, others may not agree. All in all, I liked the story. Backed and highly rated.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's veil)

michele43 wrote 279 days ago

Hi Mark - Only read a couple of chapters but loving it so far and can't wait to carry on reading
Well done hun and lots of luck with this and hopefully many more to come
Michele x

soulsue wrote 281 days ago

Charlie and the Men in shoes.
Mark i am really enjoying reading the book. Just finished chapter Six and i am really getting into it. Well done and good luck

Sue

tony bartlett wrote 282 days ago

Really enjoying this read

cherrybettina wrote 283 days ago

first few chapters are interesting and I am looking forward to reading the rest
cherrybettina

Shepback wrote 289 days ago

Hi Mark.
I have read 11 chapters of your book and I'm intrigued. There's a lot happening and I want to know how it all comes together. I have only just met Charlie and I like him already...I know he's going to be a character.
You have my attention and I'm certainly going to read on.
I'm going to star you immediately and put you on my WL.
I like your style of writing and you have great imagination. I'll be back in touch when I read more.
Cheers
Willie (Missing)

PamK wrote 289 days ago

Mark. I am really enjoying your book. It's exciting with some subtle twists that really get the imagination working and it's so well put together. Looking forward to reading remaining chapters and will let you know when I finish it. Brilliant.

katjay wrote 292 days ago

Charlie and the Men in Shoes
Mark, this has all the ingredients of a cracking thriller! I’ve read a couple of chapters so far – Charlie is intriguing and only some subtle hints of what he might be. Your depiction of the Binghams is spot-on, a typical family and the interaction and dialogue between the family members is well observed. Plenty of mystery and I look forward to reading more. ******
Kat x Hens from Hell

inhand-brian wrote 294 days ago

So far so good...

oliverjames wrote 295 days ago
Robert466 wrote 297 days ago

Excellent read

Robert466 wrote 297 days ago
Whitby wrote 300 days ago

I am up to Chapter 18 and thoroughly enjoying this exciting book that has been written so well. Charlie so far comes across with humour that I love and I am eager to carry on to find out what he can actually get himself into.

Lyn

Jannypeacock wrote 300 days ago

Mark,
Great premise here. The pitch caught my attention and the pace of the writing held it once I started reading. Charlie is a great main character. He’s very different and as a reader I am very curious. In Charlie you’ve created the hook to keep me reading. I need to know more about him and his lack of understanding for our world.
One little nit-pick though. Some slight repetition. It upsets the pace and it’s a pity because the suspense and set up is very good aside from this. Some wordiness in places also, but I’m struggling to decide if this is overwriting or adding to drawing out the suspense.
Great idea here. Another edit and this will be snappy and very exciting.
Best of luck with this, you deserve to do well.
Janny

Timmy2626 wrote 301 days ago

Hi Mark - Just read the first few pages, very impressed looking for reading on. Tim M

Andytomo wrote 302 days ago

Hi Mark only read a few pages so far and it looks good...so it certainly gets my backing. Looking forward to getting the time to read the rest.

Andy T

Austen adict wrote 304 days ago

i absolutely loved it, its a great mixture of everything and it is a really well thought out book.

The Old Pro wrote 305 days ago

Great read, looking forward to the follow up already, Good Luck Mark

hippo wrote 305 days ago

Great read, fantastic introduction,. Amasing how you can make the characters come alive, Charlie seem so real . Cannot wait to get back to the story

kookicat wrote 305 days ago

This is awesome! Hooked me straight away! I'm enjoying reading it very much.

Lou
~The Keenest Sorrow

jreed wrote 306 days ago

Hi Mark:
Absolutely fabulous! I loved every minute of it. Needless to say, I'll pass this great read on to everyone I know.

the artist wrote 306 days ago

A great opening hook which lead you further into the book shall look forward to reading the rest
Mark

ThePoet wrote 306 days ago

A suspenseful chapter one dragged me into the story. And I have been stuck to the book ever since :).
Great writing Mark.
Will comment further after reading the complete story.

Jedye wrote 307 days ago

Hi Mark
Just read the first couple of chapters during my lunch break. It reads very well, with great dialogue between the family and the descriptive writing helps you to "see" the characters in your mind. Can't wait to read more!
Wishing you great success.
Sis.

Mark S F wrote 308 days ago

Look forward to the next one



Micky
Thank you for your support.
I will always remember the encouragement you gave me when I first started writing, thank you.
Mark

Micky B wrote 309 days ago

Look forward to the next one

Mark S F wrote 309 days ago

Dear Mark,
Good suspense in chapter one. I'll have to continue reading because Charlie's voice is so otherworldly and so well portrayed as such, that i just want some more Charlie. I only read three chapters so far, but it seems the Bingham family are in for quite an adventure. I wish the trip to Portugal wasn't cancelled, as i would love to read someone else's depiction of the country.:)

"When was three o'clock, the small hours of Sat. morning."
This phrase was a bit unclear to me, you may want to take a peek.
Overall, I love this genre and this is a great read. I can't shelve it at this time, but ****** are sprinkled all over "Charlie and the men in shoes."
Best,
Maria
Dark of the Moon



Maria
Thank you for your kind and constructive feedback and for rating my book.
I will certainly go back and look at the "When was three o'clock, the small hours of Sat. morning." statement, because I can see what you mean. Sometimes the way my mind works can be a little confusing!
I don't think I would ever be able to evoke the feeling of Portugal as you do in the opening chapter of Dark Of The moon. I will comment when I have read more of your book.
I hope you read on to meet Charlie and The Arguing Alarm Clock! There are ghost stories and battles and a chance for the children to confront and beat their fears.
I hope you enjoy the ride.
Mark

Mark S F wrote 309 days ago

I remember when you showed me the first couple of chapters, it's really good to see the finished product
Well done



John
You were very kind to encourage and coach me through those early days and I thank you for all your support. I hope you enjoy the trip to Area 51!
Mark

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