As Cruel As Nature

Neil

I've just read the opening two chapters posted here. Here are my thoughts. Firstly, the pitches. Your short one is concise and to the point, and would definitely have me taking the book off the shelf, but I felt your longer pitch needs a little tightening to make it snappier and more eye-catching.

To the writing itself. Great opening chapter. You do a great job of drawing the reader in, and drop a little backstory in without detracting from the natural development of what is unfolding in front of us. And you've clearly down your homework (or are from a medical background) as every detail here has such an authentic feel. And a really nice hook leading into chapter 2 'the patient has expired.'

You repeat this at the end of the following chapter. The seemingly senseless brutality of the interrogation scene is once again vivid and authentic feeling, your prose is polished, and there is that teasing hint that all is not quite as it seems.

On a technical front, nothing really jumped out at me, in a story that had a very advanced draft feel to it (I can't recall seeing so much as a typo), and is a fine example of well-crafted historical/literary fiction.

I'm a big fan of this kind of novel, and period of history, and am happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

I don't really no what to say so I won't say anything, other than this is very fine writing and an excellent premise.

Starred and shelved - soonish.

Jon

I have high expectations for this going in. I love this topic in history, and your pitch is incredibly compelling. The opening quote by Adolf Hitler is also highly effective. So far so good!

The way you develop the scene in the prologue is gripping. You don't come out and say what they're doing, instead opting to piece the scene together bit by bit until the reader gradually comes to realize what is taking place. As he describes the state of the patient, the image created is haunting. And the last line, though it can only be expected given the patient's state, packs a powerful punch. I wonder if it would be more effective if there is indication that the patient is alive as he's operating. All of the descriptions make him sound dead (for obvious reasons). If there's evidence that he's alive, the surgery would be more intense and the ending more powerful.

The writing is solid, and while it would benefit from a bit of polish, moves the story along at a nice pace. For historical fiction, it's easily as strong as what is already selling at bookstores. I felt the writing in the first chapter was better than that of the prologue. It felt much more active and you had stronger verb-choice. You have a particular gift for description. You provide the reader with very vivid details.

The events in chapter one are intense and well done. I love the prisoner's resolve until the end.

Suggestions: Careful with how frequently you tell rather than show. Look for your use of "was" and "were" as they are the two most obvious signs of telling. Rewriting some of these sentences would strengthen your writing and draw your reader into the story quicker. Is it necessary to explain what an Oberfuhrer is in the text (same with Rottenfuhrer)? Maybe cut the part explaining their rank and put that in the glossary? In the books I've read from this time, they don't bother explaining this in the story. I'd write, "His knees buckled as pain burst over him..." rather than "He felt his knees..." When possible avoid "he felt," "he saw," he heard," etc. My concern after the prologue and chapter one is the reader doesn't have a relatable or sympathetic character to connect with. Just something to think about.

Typos: Should be: "cloth-covered" since it's two words serving as one adjective. Should be: 'SS-Sturmbannfuhrer Ernst--' The punishing strike of the fist... You also have an unnecessary period after 'My name is SS-Sturmbann--'

What a story to tell. While I do think the writing could be strengthened in a few areas, particularly the prologue, I want this one to be published more than most I've come across on authonomy. You tell the story well, and I'm fully hooked. Great start! Highly rated and recommended.

Original plot and well researched. I'd consider the overall length as publishers seeme to shy away from 100,000 plus first novels. Starred, regards, Mark

Hi Neal. This is the real thing. You have obviously researched exhaustively and it shows in your sure use of the smallest detail of the setting. Research isn't everything, though and you combine mastery of your subject with exemplary writing and an intriguing and exciting plot. A good blend of fact and fiction. Reminded me of Frederick Forsyth, Robert Harris – and, of course, George MacDonald Fraser (maybe not so funny as his books, though!). Characterization is excellent - not just Weidermann/Miasnikov - you have put a lot of thought into drawing your secondary characters, too - Kuznetsov, for instance.
As good as anything I have read here – or elsewhere. Good luck getting it published.

Neil,
"As Cruel as Nature" was absolutely satisying in its depiction of the psychological and physical means used by the Russians to turn a German officer into a robotic pawn they could field for espionage. Your meticulous depictions and adroitly worded dialogue coalesce with the resolute grayness of your scenes. Thank you so much for the compelling read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hello Neil its always worth writing to someone who likes ALL the Flashman novels ,I feel exactly the same , there aren't any weak links, the only problem is GMF has set the bar so high, its spoiled things for the rest of us ,I started on this site expecting people to be as good as GMF, which is quite ridiculous - no-one can be as good as he is - to paraphrase Muhummad Ali - he is the greatest.What comes across at once in your book is quality ,precision, clarity and knowledge , you immediately feel you are in the hands of someone who knows what he is doing and can write about in a measured, well-paced, highly skilled manner.I think you are very ambitious to write about Germans/Russians in WW 11 , but I have faith that you will pull it off. Watchlist and many stars,highly recommended.Would you be so kind (and if you're not doing anything more constructive)as to take a look at my novel 'A Buccaneer' ,believe it or not the hero is a Cornishman and the early part of the novel is set in Cornwall - purely because I have spent so many wonderful holidays there , best wishes , Strachan Gordon

How can I, of all people, not back this fine book? It is obvious you have done your homework here and I can very much relate to the time in history that you ar ereferring being a 95 year old retired Colonel. Excellent writing and a gripping story so far - it almost appears that you have enough for two books here. I will comment more in detail when I have read more of this fine piece of work . Shelved and starred. Henry