Book Jacket

 

rank 69
word count 48756
date submitted 14.07.2011
date updated 20.02.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Comedy
classification: universal
complete

Tiger Hugs

Ian D. Smith

Suki Chen never thought she’d hug a tiger, until she discovers the Bar at the End of the Universe, where anything is possible, even love.

 

Number six

Good for relationships—

And then escape makes perfect sense.

 
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tags

comedy, noir, optimistic, plot, suspense, twist

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127 comments

 

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Chapters

1

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The Marquis of Queensbury

 

 

     Lunchtime in the Marquis of Queensbury, Imperial Gardens,
 
Hackney, was usually dead, but not on this occasion, and Jules Jewell,
 
the landlord of the old, Victorian, black-and-white boozer, picked up an
 
empty wine glass, and looked through it.

     Something wrong with drain, Mr Jules, said a smiling new customer
 
called Suki Chen.

     Jules Jewell saw that Suki was wearing her pale-blue overall, as
 
though she’d just popped out of Hong Kong Garden, next door, which
 
was unheard of. Jules had never seen her outside Hong Kong Garden.

     Drains,he said, seeing purple paintwork through the glass. “Not
 
my problem.”

 

 

     In front of him, on the Marquis of Queensbury bar, he saw a towel
 
draped over the hand pumps, like a shroud over a crucifix at Easter. The
 
hand pumps no longer worked, and that was a problem. He set the
 
empty glass down in front of another new customer, Damian Bones, and
 
filled the glass from the bottle.

     “Gentlemanly conduct throughout,” he said.

     Damian struck a boxer’s pose with his fists raised.

     “No gouging, biting or kicking, he added, his thick, brown Astrakhan 
 
coat flapping open.The Marquis of Queensbury rules for boxing. Let
 
battle commence.

     “Let’s fight for the Marquis,” Jules said. “Together.”

 

 

     Very lucky name Marquis of Queensbury,” said Suki. “Drain no
 
problem.”

     She ordered another glass of wine, and smiled at Jules. Warmth 
 
surged through him, and it couldn’t have been the radiators. They
 
hadn’t worked for years.

     “One for road, Mr Jules,” said Suki, knocking it back, and nearly
 
toppling off the barstool. “We all in this together, but now we go.”

     Who’s going to fight for the Marquis? Jules asked.

 

 

     “Girls!” interrupted Damian Bones, his arms outstretched.

     Jules hated it when Damian referred to women as girls. He wasn’t
 
the only one annoyed by the interruption. Another new face in the
 
Marquis, Macy May, was pushing her shoulders back, and straightening
 
her neck. Her bright-red sunglasses slid off the top of her head.

     You mean women!” Macy May shouted. “And I’m as ready as I ever
 
been.”

     “Good,” said Jules. “Because I have a bad feeling.”

 

 

     Jules had never seen Macy in the Marquis of Queensbury before. She
 
was another neighbour, a tattooist who ran Snapdragon, and she was
 
usually hard at work, instead of sitting at the bar in the Marquis of
 
Queensbury, with a glass of red wine.

     Damian hugged Macy and Suki, and kissed their cheeks.

     “Glad you could make it,” he said. “Now let’s not hang around.”

     “So no one’s staying,” said Jules. No one’s going to fight for the
 
Marquis.”

 

 

     Macy leant forward, and felt the worn carpet for her sunglasses.

     Too right, Suki,she said. “We are all in this together. This place 
 
sucks.

     “Ancient history,” added Suki, drawing attention to the bulging
 
ceiling. No more lucky money plant.

     No more,” Damian repeated, nodding in agreement.No lucky
 
money plant where we’re going.”

     Jules knew that Jade plants were also called money plants, and that
 
every Chinese takeaway in London had a lucky money plant.

     So who’ll take on the man? he asked. 

 

 

     Damian thumped the Marquis of Queensbury panelling.

     “You could kiss in the corners, he said.

     Long time since anyone kissed in the Marquis of Queensbury,”
 
Macy added, sitting up, and putting her sunglasses on.

     Molly loved the Marquis,” said Damian. Molly Madrigali? Do you
 
know Molly?”

     “Get over her,” Macy replied, finishing a rum and coke. “She ain’t
 
going nowhere I’m going.”

     Molly no good for business,” added Suki, twisting her hair round her
 
little finger. 

 

 

     But Jules wasn’t concerned about a woman called, Molly Madrigali.
 
He was concerned about another customer stretched out on a bench 
 
under the window. Monty Blomqvist wasn’t moving, and that wasn’t
 
good for business. There was a long groan from Monty, and then there
 
was silence.

     Time to go, big fellah!Damian shouted, without looking round.

     “Man, he’s drunk,” said Macy, fanning her face with her hand.

     As skunk,” Suki added, pinching her nose.

     “But Monty will fight the man,” said Jules. “He’ll stick up for the
 
Marquis.”

 

 

     Another customer, a large man with long, straggly hair, emerged 
 
from under the bar, alongside Jules. 

     “Lucky money plant,” announced Gripper, washing his hands in the
 
sink. “Made of plastic! Made by machines!

     Gripper was what Jules called, a long-term resident in the Marquis of
 
Queensbury. 

     “Gripper will back me up,” said Jules. “Gripper will fight him!

 

 

     Jules watched Gripper wipe his hands on jeans that appeared to be
 
held together by engine oil. Then he watched Gripper scratch his
 
backside and duck down to run the tap again. He knew that Gripper
 
wasn’t good for business.

     “Knock it off, Gripper,” he said. “And get out from under my bar.”

     “Personal hygiene,” Gripper replied, spitting into his palms. “Is my
 
forte.”

     Gripper gathered his hair into a pony-tail.

     “And I’ll be honest,” he added, stretching an elastic band over the
 
pony-tail. “I won’t miss this dump.”

     It wasn’t what Jules wanted to hear.

 

 

     Gripper resumed his hand-washing cycle, and no one could stop him,
 
not even Macy, who leant over the bar, and pushed his hands away.

     “Knock it off, big man,” she shouted, but Gripper kept on like a
 
surgeon preparing to operate.

 

 

     Monty, the customer on the bench under the window, sat up, 
 
revealing a shaved head, and pumpkin-like face. He reached out into
 
thin air, as though he saw a fly, his bin lid hands wafting into nowhere.
 
Two huge feet were planted on the worn carpet, and then he found what
 
he was looking for—a pair of thick-rimmed spectacles. He pushed them
 
on, and blinked.

     “That’s better,” said Monty, the giant.

     He pointed at Jules, “I live here, don’t I?

     “Nobody lives here, Jules replied. 

     “That’s right,” added Damian, his Astrakhan coat swinging open.
 
“And now we’re all assembled, I have an announcement to make.

 

 

     Damian cleared his throat and stretched his neck.

     We’re going to pick up the ball,” he said, chopping his palm. “And
 
we’re going to run with it!

     Jules moved the glasses off the bar, because Damian was prone to
 
getting carried away.

     Damian put his hands on Suki’s shoulders.

     We’re going to push the envelope,” he said. We’re going the extra
 
mile. We’re going to make like a tree. We’re going where no man, or
 
woman, has been before. Now get your things.

     Jules shrugged, “One small step for man.

     “I mean now!shouted Damian, closing every curtain. “So don’t just
 
stand there looking stupid!

 

 

     Damian pushed open the front door, and stuck his head into Imperial 
 
Gardens, Hackney.

     “Wagons roll!” he said, giving the thumbs-up.

     Macy and Suki looked at each other, then they slid off their bar
 
stools, and followed Damian, hairy Gripper, and Monty the giant, out of
 
the Marquis of Queensbury, apparently for good.

     “So long!” said Jules.And good luck! Giant leap for mankind, and all
 
that. I’ll fight for the Marquis. Don’t worry about me.

 

 

     Alone again, Jules collected the empty glasses, and stared at the
 
vacated stools. He shrugged and smiled to himself. At least one thing
 
made sense.

     Idiots! he said.

     But then he saw one customer still seated in the corner, his face
 
hidden by the peak of a white baseball cap, which stuck out under a
 
hood. It wasn’t anyone Jules recognised.

     “Can I help you?” Jules asked.

 

 

     The man jerked, and stood up. He lurched across the bar with his
 
head down, and stopped in front of Jules, looking up from under the
 
peak of his baseball cap.

     “Don’t rightly know,” the man replied. Can you?”

     Jules leaned back, and the man held his palms up to Jules’s face.

     Won’t beat about the bush,” said the man, his knees buckling as
 
though he was jogging on the spot. “I’m here in my full capacity.”

     “What capacity?” asked Jules.

     “The capacity what says this place ain’t fit for human consumption,”
 
he replied, leaning closer.

 

 

     Jules was alone with a man he didn’t know, who had filthy hands,
 
and, he condemned the Marquis of Queensbury outright. A police siren
 
passed, and the man looked over his shoulder.

     “Nervous?” asked Jules.

     The man drew his sleeve under his nose, and jabbed a finger.

     New establishments,” he said, making a circular movement under
 
Jules’s nose. “Yours ain’t one of them.”

 

 

     The man was right. New bars were being knocked up in a week out
 
of plywood, and given a single coat of paint. Jules knew the old Marquis
 
could never compete.

     Can’t do much about that,” Jules said, shrugging. “The Marquis is
 
preserved. A second grade listed building.”

     The man inched around the bar, the finger trained on Jules.

     A second-rate dustbin, more like,” the man added. This dump is
 
putting the clientele right off.

     “Shame,” said Jules, feeling for some kind of blunt instrument to
 
defend himself with.

     “It is!”

     But we have a whole lot to offer,” Jules added. “We’ve got that je
 
ne sais quoi!

     Well Mr Bamber don’t want your je ne sais quoi round here,” said 
 
the man. “But he’s prepared to negotiate. Here’s our ultimatum.”

     Ultimatum?” asked Jules, putting his hands up, knowing that Roland
 
Bamber, the man who ran everything in Hackney, was onto him.

     “Issued by our solicitors,” the man replied. 

     He twisted his neck, and cleared his throat.

     “Either you pay up,” he continued. “Or Bamber’s bulldozer comes
 
right through here to make some essential alterations.”

 

 

     Jules knew only too well, that Roland Bamber was quite capable of
 
bulldozing the Marquis flat. He looked round at the pitiful state of walls
 
covered with Anaglypta, a sort of heavy-duty wallpaper no longer 
 
holding the flaking plaster back. He saw the columns and pipes of the
 
cream-coloured radiators, as old as Battersea power station, and no
 
longer warming anyone. 

     “Where is it?” Jules asked, holding out his hand.

     “Where’s what?”

     “The ultimatum,” Jules replied. “Has to be in writing.”

     The man chopped the till with the side of his hand.

     “It’s verbal.

     The till opened, and the man looked inside the empty drawer.

     “I’ll be round tomorrow,” he said. “An introductory offer. A straight
 
grand for a month … then we’ll see.”

 

 

     A grand?” asked Jules, his hands raised.In Hackney?

     “After all,” the man added. “The Marquis is made of money?”

     “Made of money? Jules repeated, wondering what the man meant
 
by made of money. 

     “I got things to be doing,” the man said, his legs constantly
 
moving against a fast-running tide.People to be seeing.”

     Well tell Bamber,added Jules. “I’m ready for him. I’m fighting for
 
the Marquis

     The man backed out through the door, pointing and clicking, as
 
though he was firing a gun.

Chapters

1

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leyper wrote 17 hours ago

Dude, I'm concerned that your central heating system might be giving off fumes, because this is a VERY odd read! I've reached the end of chapter 5 and feel like I've just woken up from a strange, nonsenscial dream, brought on by running a high fever. Up until chapter three I wasn't sure there was any kind of a plot, plan or direction for this story, but I'm finally getting the sense that, underneath the zany-ness, the multi-directional crossfire of dialogue and and the relentless pacing, there is actually a very good, fun and energetic story.

Some might find the abstract nature and the topic-hopping a turn-off. I like zany offbeat stories, but this was a bit too weird even for me. That said, there is something addictive about it, so for this reason I'm keeping it on my watch list. It also gets 4 stars from me.

Aside from the, execessive, use, of, commas, and the fact that I (for the most part) have no idea what is going on, nor what is going to happen next, I have enjoyed reading it so far. Your style is pretty unique. I wish you all the best with it.

Steph Merrix wrote 1 day ago

Hi Ian
Thanks for your message - I have read the first three chapters and I really enjoyed what I read so far. Your writing style is fluent, sli ck and well paced as is the plot development. I thought your characters were well written and their realtionships effectively potrayed. Overall this is a great piece and I wish you good luck. I have starred this and put it on my watchlist

Steph

Gannon wrote 2 days ago

Hi Ian, I have backed your book after reading the first five chapters. Your writing reminds me of Douglas Adams or Jasper Fforde. For some reason it reminds me of the Red Dwarf series. Zany characters, wierd situations, crazy fun and you never know what is going to happen next. Very enjoyable

ses7 wrote 4 days ago

TIGER HUGS

I’ll be honest, I have no idea what’s going on in this story—but I like it. Humor is always a hard one to critique because, well, you can’t take the story or the prose too seriously. What I really like about your prose is that it moves quickly and it’s very catchy.

You introduce a lot of characters right at the beginning, but for the most part I can distinguish their voices well (not that I’m expecting really deep character development). This is fun and light-hearted.

Good luck as you advance through the ranks!

Sarah E.S.

iandsmith wrote 5 days ago

I couldn't have put it better myself. William Conelly:

This work is peppered with dialogue, often skewed one liners, often stand alone funny. As there's very little 'set-up' style descriptive writing, the net effect is continuous, racing and rapid fire, making for a mad exposition of the plot hook: a mechanized extortionist threatens a pub owner/manager with ruin by bulldozer. Pay up or get dozing or, wait, there's a third option: jump to the 4th dimension!!

A Smithers wrote 2 hours ago

Hi Ian,

I just read the first three chapters of your book, and I have to agree with the others, it does remind me of Douglas Adams, but that's a good thing since most agents and publishers ask for books already published that are similar. Your dialog is very smooth and I like all of the characters. Well done.

Alex

Marc Jones wrote 5 hours ago

Ian

This is one of the more unique works on authonomy. It has a very distinctive voice and you certainly have a style of writing that stands out. You introduce a lot of characters early on, but I feel this keeps the reader on their toes and each character is easy to distinguish from the next. Bamber sounds like a right villain, and I think you have set up an opening rich with intrigue. You give enough information to let the reader know what kind of person he is, but hold enough back to keep them wanting to know more.

My shelf is full at the minute, but this definitely deserves a space on it, so I will give it some shelf space soon.

Regards
Marc

Verse_Artiste wrote 5 hours ago

Ian - you have a great sense of humour and a real knack for characterisation. I only had time to read the first chapter tonight, but it provided me with lots of chuckles. I shall certainly read on and I will back this in a couple of weeks when I rotate my shelf. (I like to try and give good books a decent amount of shelf-time.) If I forget - don't hesitate to give me a gentle nudge.

Lilian

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 5 hours ago

Ian, I can't understand what's going on here. I've read for almost 15 minutes and am still in a fog. Is it too British for this American?

Amy Pope wrote 8 hours ago

I like your style - it's almost sonnet form (I can't remember my poetry metres and terms, it's been too long since I studied). It works for me. Am putting on my watch list to read more. It's refreshing and different and vivid so far...

Warrick Mayes wrote 8 hours ago

Ian,

I happened across you when I saw someone else comment on a resemblance to dearly departed Douglas Adams. This isn't The Guide, nor should it be. This is distinctive and different again, an individual voice.

Great accents that I can feel coming from your characters.
Lovely disconnected story lines and conversations.
All terrific.

Best wishes
Warrick

CGHarris wrote 14 hours ago

I read through the first two chapters and I have to say you have a very unusual style. It is quirky and original and most importantly, it works. I think you have the beginnings of a great book here. It is not my usual kind of read but I enjoyed it. I wish I had the gift for detail that you do. Your imagery is fantastic and your dialogue feels smooth and natural. All in all it was a great read. Thanks so much. I can see why this has reached the top of the charts. I will give this one high stars.

iandsmith wrote 16 hours ago

I was sick as a parrot over this one

There are a lot of Cliches` here and it is hard to follow so far. There doesn't seem to be a lot happening unless there is something that opens up the story later on. Was there something I missed? I'm going to stop here and maybe come back after I read several other books I have on my list.

iandsmith wrote 16 hours ago

Glad you said that, I'll go and check.

Dude, I'm concerned that your central heating system might be giving off fumes, because this is a VERY odd read! I've reached the end of chapter 5 and feel like I've just woken up from a strange, nonsenscial dream, brought on by running a high fever. Up until chapter three I wasn't sure there was any kind of a plot, plan or direction for this story, but I'm finally getting the sense that, underneath the zany-ness, the multi-directional crossfire of dialogue and and the relentless pacing, there is actually a very good, fun and energetic story.

Some might find the abstract nature and the topic-hopping a turn-off. I like zany offbeat stories, but this was a bit too weird even for me. That said, there is something addictive about it, so for this reason I'm keeping it on my watch list. It also gets 4 stars from me.

Aside from the, execessive, use, of, commas, and the fact that I (for the most part) have no idea what is going on, nor what is going to happen next, I have enjoyed reading it so far. Your style is pretty unique. I wish you all the best with it.

leyper wrote 17 hours ago

Dude, I'm concerned that your central heating system might be giving off fumes, because this is a VERY odd read! I've reached the end of chapter 5 and feel like I've just woken up from a strange, nonsenscial dream, brought on by running a high fever. Up until chapter three I wasn't sure there was any kind of a plot, plan or direction for this story, but I'm finally getting the sense that, underneath the zany-ness, the multi-directional crossfire of dialogue and and the relentless pacing, there is actually a very good, fun and energetic story.

Some might find the abstract nature and the topic-hopping a turn-off. I like zany offbeat stories, but this was a bit too weird even for me. That said, there is something addictive about it, so for this reason I'm keeping it on my watch list. It also gets 4 stars from me.

Aside from the, execessive, use, of, commas, and the fact that I (for the most part) have no idea what is going on, nor what is going to happen next, I have enjoyed reading it so far. Your style is pretty unique. I wish you all the best with it.

fictionguy wrote 1 day ago

There are a lot of Cliches` here and it is hard to follow so far. There doesn't seem to be a lot happening unless there is something that opens up the story later on. Was there something I missed? I'm going to stop here and maybe come back after I read several other books I have on my list.

Steph Merrix wrote 1 day ago

Hi Ian
Thanks for your message - I have read the first three chapters and I really enjoyed what I read so far. Your writing style is fluent, sli ck and well paced as is the plot development. I thought your characters were well written and their realtionships effectively potrayed. Overall this is a great piece and I wish you good luck. I have starred this and put it on my watchlist

Steph

iandsmith wrote 1 day ago

Those UK English commas again

It's a cracking read so far, great sense of humour. Apart from the fact you're completely obsessed with commas, I'm going to whack it on my shelf none the less :). Best of luck.

HW

HarryWarraich wrote 1 day ago

Hello my friend,

It's a cracking read so far, great sense of humour. Apart from the fact you're completely obsessed with commas, I'm going to whack it on my shelf none the less :). Best of luck.

HW

Gannon wrote 2 days ago

Hi Ian, I have backed your book after reading the first five chapters. Your writing reminds me of Douglas Adams or Jasper Fforde. For some reason it reminds me of the Red Dwarf series. Zany characters, wierd situations, crazy fun and you never know what is going to happen next. Very enjoyable

Adeel wrote 2 days ago

Very interesting book which deserves high stars. On my watch list now.

Christian Bell wrote 3 days ago

Hi Ian. The more I read the more I like it. I enjoy the group and can picture what they look like in my mind. Love where it is going and have full intention to reading this completely over the period of a few weeks. Love it so far.
This would make a great screen play I think. I shall be placing it on my Bookshelf until it is at least completed. If I do come across anything I dont like I shall let you know. Christian

ses7 wrote 4 days ago

TIGER HUGS

I’ll be honest, I have no idea what’s going on in this story—but I like it. Humor is always a hard one to critique because, well, you can’t take the story or the prose too seriously. What I really like about your prose is that it moves quickly and it’s very catchy.

You introduce a lot of characters right at the beginning, but for the most part I can distinguish their voices well (not that I’m expecting really deep character development). This is fun and light-hearted.

Good luck as you advance through the ranks!

Sarah E.S.

Parmenides Elea wrote 4 days ago

I`ve put `Tiger Hugs` on my bookshelf. All the best.

iandsmith wrote 5 days ago

I couldn't have put it better myself. William Conelly:

This work is peppered with dialogue, often skewed one liners, often stand alone funny. As there's very little 'set-up' style descriptive writing, the net effect is continuous, racing and rapid fire, making for a mad exposition of the plot hook: a mechanized extortionist threatens a pub owner/manager with ruin by bulldozer. Pay up or get dozing or, wait, there's a third option: jump to the 4th dimension!!

WmC wrote 5 days ago

This work is peppered with dialogue, often skewed one liners, often stand alone funny. As there's very little 'set-up' style descriptive writing, the net effect is continuous, racing and rapid fire, making for a mad exposition of the plot hook: a mechanized extortionist threatens a pub owner/manager with ruin by bulldozer. Pay up or get dozing or, wait, there's a third option: jump to the 4th dimension!!

WmC wrote 5 days ago

This work is peppered with dialogue, often skewed one liners, often stand alone funny. As there's very little 'set-up' style descriptive writing, the net effect is continuous, racing and rapid fire, making for a mad exposition of the plot hook: a mechanized extortionist threatens a pub owner/manager with ruin by bulldozer. Pay up or get dozing or, wait, there's a third option: jump to the 4th dimension!!

Big Daddy wrote 6 days ago

Really enjoyed the writing style, easy and approachable, great fun!

iandsmith wrote 6 days ago

Well, it does say, "Confusion reigns"

Hey!

I read the first few chapters, and I must admit, your book is very quirky! The characters are all so likeable. The plot, though quite confusing in the beginning, gets clearer as you read on.
This may be something to look at again because for some readers, a confusing plot may be a turn-off for them.
The other thing I noticed was in the first chapter, you repeat Suki's name a lot. Maybe exchange a couple of them for personal pronouns?

However, this is a very unique book and one I shall be watching to come and read some more!
Good luck!

Cupcake xx wrote 6 days ago

Hey!

I read the first few chapters, and I must admit, your book is very quirky! The characters are all so likeable. The plot, though quite confusing in the beginning, gets clearer as you read on.
This may be something to look at again because for some readers, a confusing plot may be a turn-off for them.
The other thing I noticed was in the first chapter, you repeat Suki's name a lot. Maybe exchange a couple of them for personal pronouns?

However, this is a very unique book and one I shall be watching to come and read some more!
Good luck!

Bethanie wrote 6 days ago

This is so unusual I want to read more. Rather fast-paced, I wonder why Jules keeps wondering what is meant by the things that are said. I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out. Quirky. I have never read quirky, but I like it!

~Bethanie

Parmenides Elea wrote 8 days ago

An interesting start, so I`ll read on. I`m putting it on my watchlist. All the best.

jotters wrote 9 days ago

I was gripped from chapter 2, love the premise and the likable characters who are funny in the right places, I am officially hooked... only reached chapt 6, I'm really enjoying the Jules and crews journey so far. This is a 6 star rating. Keen to finish this story to give a much detailed comment.

All the best!

Amy Smith wrote 10 days ago

This is a very unique novel, and the characters are certainly larger than life! After reading the first chapters, the plot is becoming clearer, although it was quite confusing to read at times. A very quirky read which i can imagine working very well as a commedy performance.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck with this.
Amy :)

iandsmith wrote 10 days ago

Done :->

Hi Ian

You have a nice lively style of writing and way of describing things, but I have to admit that I too found this first chapter a bit confusing with so many characters introduced so quickly and often talking at cross purposes. A little mystery is good but the reader needs to have a decent idea of whats going on to propel them onto later chapters.

Now feel free to give 'Conspiracy' a critical mauling!

Tom

T J Pallett wrote 11 days ago

Hi Ian

You have a nice lively style of writing and way of describing things, but I have to admit that I too found this first chapter a bit confusing with so many characters introduced so quickly and often talking at cross purposes. A little mystery is good but the reader needs to have a decent idea of whats going on to propel them onto later chapters.

Now feel free to give 'Conspiracy' a critical mauling!

Tom

Eden Ashley wrote 14 days ago

When I first started reading this, I was confused. And that confusion didn't quickly let up. But by chapter 3 I was laughing, finally in on the joke! Jules Jewell is suddenly overtaken and bombarded with chaotic characters and all the craziness they bring to the table (or bar)--and so is the reader since this is all from his POV. When Jules started to figure things out, so does the reader. Interesting read.

Eden Ashley-THE SIREN'S HEART

Rog50 wrote 17 days ago

Backed Tiger Hugs. Laugh out loud funny in places. Read, liked, star rated, and backed. Hope you will take a look at my friend CC Brown's book, Dark Side.
Rog50

eloiserose wrote 18 days ago

Hi Ian

Read the first four chapters there. Love the punchy writing style. What quirky, oddball characters! They are very well-captured through the dialogue. I think there is also quite a strong visual element, and I can picture it as a movie. Overall, probably not the kind of book I'd usually go out and buy myself, but I can think of a few people I know that it would appeal to. I've got some room on my bookshelf and I'll add it on, as I think it deserves backing.
Best of luck with it.

Eloise (The Two Mages)

Roy Belletete wrote 20 days ago

I see you've changed a couple things in the first chapter of your book. For me it's made the story much more enjoyable from the very start so I've given you five stars. I can tell you really care about this story. I've read several chapters more and they really are quite good. Sometimes just reading a little longer makes a great deal of difference.

scargirl wrote 21 days ago

this book is clever and flows well...
j

Rheagan wrote 21 days ago

Ian,
This is an excellent read. To be frank, I don’t have much to say about it. I just kept reading, and I liked the characters. I do think it might benefit from some further polishing (e.g. next door is mentioned twice on the first page). Also, I wasn’t sure where it was going for a while – possibly a hint or two earlier would be good. But don’t take too much notice of me, I’m unpublished! I wish you luck with this, it’s good. Backed and highly rated with pleasure.
Rheagan Greene - Bitter Truths (Vol. 1)

StuartH wrote 21 days ago

Hi Ian'
Just read first three chapters of Tiger Hugs, and after sticking with the first two in some bewilderment, found that interest really took off in the third. Sure have a wild imagination and I'll be following it into its further reaches. As you have seen fit to have me as one of your 'friends' despite our very different styles, and were the first to welcome me on my first posting on Authonomy last week, I wonder whether you've taken a look at 'The Time of His Life'. As there are zero comments at present, would be pleased if you could see your way to starting the ball rolling.
Stuart

StuartH wrote 21 days ago

Hi Ian'
Just read first three chapters of Tiger Hugs, and after sticking with the first two in some bewilderment, found that interest really took off in the third. Sure have a wild imagination and I'll be following it into its further reaches. As you have seen fit to have me as one of your 'friends' despite our very different styles, and were the first to welcome me on my first posting on Authonomy last week, I wonder whether you've taken a look at 'The Time of His Life'. As there are zero comments at present, would be pleased if you could see your way to starting the ball rolling.
Stuart

iandsmith wrote 21 days ago

Done, ta!

Enjoyed the sheer pace of this, and the characters no crazier than I remember from years living in Hackney (Haggerston has two 'g's, if this is also the real place). Quite experimental in its rapid switching of characters ad locations.

Mel Brown wrote 21 days ago

Fast, quirky, funny. I had to re-read some of the dialogue...but I think that is more about me (and reading on a PC) than your writing. Not the sort of thing that I usually read, but I'll be reading more...just because it's so, well, different! Love the humour - don't hold back with it in future writing!

David C Lowe wrote 22 days ago

Enjoyed the sheer pace of this, and the characters no crazier than I remember from years living in Hackney (Haggerston has two 'g's, if this is also the real place). Quite experimental in its rapid switching of characters ad locations.

iandsmith wrote 22 days ago

The characters are introduced so quickly and it left me baffled, there wasn't room for a breather.

I also had to re-read the first paragraph once or twice before skipping onto the next.

I didn't like the explaining of emotions. The first time wasn't bad, but I feel it shouldn't happen often.
The dialog is weighed down. Broken up by various actions and tags. It does have a movie-like quality, but I don't think that is a good thing. Let the reader imagine some things and it could work out better and allow the reader to become more engaged.

There is also quite a bit of dialog, possibly too much.



Some you win some you lose. Sorry about the breather. If you want a breather- wrong novel. However, there are plenty on authonomy that do provide a breather. Also, I don't know what you mean by emotions. The only emotion is fear, and that's never explained. I can't do anything if you don't provide specific instances where the "dialog weighed" or there was "too much". It's a bit like saying there's too much water in the Thames.- Ian

iandsmith wrote 22 days ago

I too would like to have a real tiger in there somewhere – I just like tigers :-)
All the best with it



The tiger is coming ...

Officer Fuzzy wrote 22 days ago

I've only read most of the way through chapter one and skimmed the rest of it.

I like the idea of this story and some potential for humor really shines through. The characters sparkles.
I like the repetition of "the only one who knew why..."
The dialog rings true.
How you start with the thought about Jane Austen and end with it is good. It creates a nice loop.

What I didn't like:
The characters are introduced so quickly and it left me baffled, there wasn't room for a breather.

I also had to re-read the first paragraph once or twice before skipping onto the next.

I didn't like the explaining of emotions. The first time wasn't bad, but I feel it shouldn't happen often.
The dialog is weighed down. Broken up by various actions and tags. It does have a movie-like quality, but I don't think that is a good thing. Let the reader imagine some things and it could work out better and allow the reader to become more engaged.

There is also quite a bit of dialog, possibly too much.

marfleet wrote 23 days ago

Certainly bursts off the page from paragraph one! The pace is fine and the dialogue excellent I feel a lot of the comments regarding the dialogue and confusion may come partly from reading on-line. It is not a good medium and this kind of work would be easier to read hard copy – at least for me. That is not a critism of writing style as this is a work that sets out quite deliberately to confront the reader and give the impression of a narrow stream of consciousness POV, just that a computer screen is not the best medium to read it. The work is original, funny and worthy of at least 5 stars. I too would like to have a real tiger in there somewhere – I just like tigers :-)

All the best with it

On a different matter from Authonomy, I am putting together a sit com pitch – maybe you would be interested in collaborating as dialogue is not my strongest point. Drop me an email to Marfleet@hotmail.com if you would like a copy of the brief.

Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of Time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.

fayha wrote 24 days ago

Just read chapter 4 Tiger Bites Back, this chapter flows at the same speed as the first 3 Iam kinda hooked but eyes r so tired. Love the story so far, and like your writing style you know how to engage the reader.

J. T. Carroll wrote 25 days ago

I rated five stars, not sure why this book only has an average of four. The pace was so frantic and the read so enjoyable that I didn't take time to write down any "speed bumps" I noticed. And, I only noticed a few, far less than any book I've read thus far (I'm new to the site). I've put it on my watch list and it will go on my bookshelf if the remaining chapters are as good as the first two.

iandsmith wrote 25 days ago

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An engrossing start. A wonderful ensemble of entertaining, quirky characters. Effective descriptions. A vivid sense of place. Intriguing tension. Swift pacing.



Ta!

CarolinaAl wrote 25 days ago

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An engrossing start. A wonderful ensemble of entertaining, quirky characters. Effective descriptions. A vivid sense of place. Intriguing tension. Swift pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'His partner-in-crime' is cliche. Consider writing a more unique characterization of Jules' 'partner.'
2) 'He felt a sudden surge of warmth.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the onset of the warmth so vividly the reader will experience it along with Jules. When you do this, the reader will be pulled deeper into the scene.
3) "Where??" Remove one of the two question marks. Using two question marks is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with two question marks. You don't want that.
4) 'The man jerked as though he'd been bitten by a venomous snake' is cliche. Try to come up with a fresher similie.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know what you think of it?

Have a marvelous day.

Al

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