Toads, Tarts and Taxis

Hello Bea. We met in the bar at Yeadon Town Hall for the showing of Full Monty. Your sense of humour made me giggle then, so of course I couldn't resist taking a peak at your work. It had me hooked from the start, and must admit I really enjoyed it. I giggled and lol on quite a few occasions whilst reading this. Always a good sign, and it will be a great "take on hols" book. Well done.
Good luck
Gill

I'm here for our reading swap and I have to say I really enjoyed this! I really like the title; I personally don't think it needs changing around and I love the cover. It's perfect for the the genre. I love a bit of Chicklit and this certainly didn't disappoint. You write well, I couldn't find any errors and I'm interested enough to carry on and read more. I think the characters are strong, particularly Nick, whose personality is so apparent from the start. His view of Holly is interesting and it is different to the one I have built up of her from her chapters. Only one nitpick: drop the 'he answered truthfully' at the end of Ch 3. We don't know if he's being truthful or not as it's written from Holly's point of view. I would happily give this some shelf space and will put on my list to do just that, although I do have a bit of a backlog at the mo and I try and keep books up for a decent amount of time.
Great Stuff. Highly starred and on my WL to shelve later.
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

placed on WL and will back when space, very good .

Hi Bea,
here for our reading swap and so glad I came.
I really enjoyed this. Had a distracting day and didn't think I would be able to concentrate but I gave it a go and it sucked me in slowly but surely.
Title: I love it, but "Tarts, Taxis and Toads" scans better because you've got the two Ta sounds closer together.
Pitches: very good.
Niggles?
Nick is brilliantly drawn, but I thought Nick's floozy was a little too two dimensional/stereotypical.
Similarly I thought Holly lacked something in the early chapters I read. I couldn't really 'see' her. Not sure why. Maybe some more physical description of her, also didn't really get a sense of her personality. She seems a little bland at the moment, but maybe that's what you want her to be. Not sure. I get more of a sense of Glenda than I do of her. Maybe her dialogue needs to have more of her character in the way that Glenda's does (you've done that very well).
Still, those are all minor niggles.
I shall happily bestow upon it 6 stars and keep it on my WL for a time when I have more space on my shelf.
All the best,
Sharda.
Please take a look at mine when you get a moment:
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Excellent story and great characters. Really enjoy the by play between people so far. Really enjoying the read so far and looking forward to reading more.

Revisited today for more fun and backed lovely work, Karen x

I enjoyed reading your work. Great material. One small mention--the Capital letter on "her Mother" should not be a capital--in several places.

Hi Bea, I thought this started quite slowly, with a bit too much domestic detail getting in the way of the story eg. leaving the oven on low light, running out of petrol etc. But then you picked up the pace and things really started to improve. Strangely enough, the Nick chapter is my favourite. I do love a good bastard! This is a fun, easy read, with plenty to keep the reader entertained, and I can see why it's doing so well.

Bea,
This is really chicklet, not chick lit - I kept sneaking one more chapter just like that candy-coated gum.
Delightful, wonderful characters, snappy dialogue, fast pace - just great. High stars.
RCG
Cover - adorable, high fives to Lingbob and the Doctor.
Pitch - both short and long were tight, didn't know what you meant by a six-way love muddle, but it is a great hook to get someone reading.
Plot - hopefully it all leads to true love, but these first five chapters could lead to murder and mayhem. You really have a great toad in Nick.
Pacing - a little slow at the start, but picked up nicely after she caught him misbehaving.
Spelling/grammar - I'm terrible at this, so to me it was smooth and perfect. Caught only one thing in ch 3.
her small breasts looked like a bit like spaniel's ears -- one too many like, (sad too for such a young woman, although I know that look). I see someone else flagged your exclamation marks (you've got a couple in the pitch as well). It's sad when you remember how hard our teachers tried to get us to use them, and now their passe.
Dialogue - punchy, funny, one of the best parts of this read.
Voice/Style - beautiful flow, like I said, I usually read a chapter and found I was starting ch. six. Really enjoyed. I appreciated that everyone was having lots of sex and you didn't give the gritty details that are such a turn-off to me in a book. Funny and well handled.
Characterization - Holly is a little droopy, Mum a bossie hoot, Nick pure warty toad, the bimbo (purple lipstick, brillo hair - does that man have taste or what). Loved them all, especially the charming, hairy taxi driver. Well done. They are all unique, not a stereotype among them.
High stars.
Janet
Clarissa's Kitchen
The Milche Bride

This is a funny story. It has a lot of originality to it.
It flows with a fun pace, moving along with a lot of interest.
I like the title a whole lot.
Other than a few swear words, so far it is a good book.
Best wishes.
Grand work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Hello Bea,

I read three chapters. Noted a few little nitpicks: I thought that terms like "sotto voce" and flagrante delicto" ought to be in italics, but maybe that's a personal choice of yours. It's Darcey Bussell, not Bustle. And there's no full stop on the end of Chapter 3.

That's all. It's not much, but I try to work my ticket. Other than that I enjoyed the read. The first chapter felt a bit long and would maybe benefit from trimming some extraneous detail away, but the next two were quite nippy with the plot fairly hurtling along. I'm not going to fib and say I'll be back to read more, because I won't: it's not really my type of thing at all. But it's an easy, breezy read and I'm sure it will find its intended readership.

Dave

Good pitch/concept.

Some amusing observations of suburbia and the promise of a tangled mess of interconnecting lives. The pace has picked up by chapter 3 - I felt the first two chapters were a little slow. The build up of the wedding dress confusion seemed, to me, too long & drawn out and the impact of Holly finding Nick in flagrante was, I think, lessened by the scene afterwards where she went for drinks with the sympathetic new acquaintance.

I think it important to set the perceived scene of Holly and Nick's life, which you do in those early chapters, to give us a picture of happy soon-to-be-married couple, and the mix up with wedding dresses is a nice touch to give pace and tension... think the chapter would work better, pacing wise, if it ended at the point where she finds Nick and the receptionist. The reader would then be unable to resist turning to next chapter to see what's going to happen.

Nick... what can I say? He is so thoroughly unlikeable - perhaps too much so over the course of that chapter... but I'd reserve judgement to see what becomes of him later. It seemed a step too far that he'd not only take the girl out to dinner locally, after being caught with her 3 days before his wedding, but also that he'd then take her home to a house he shares with the fiancee... I don't know, it seemed a bit too much.

Holly getting into what she thinks is a taxi... this amused me as I once did same. Though not with the same outcome of fine meal and then overnight stay with handsome man. Ha ha. But Charlie seems nice and at this point of course the reader just wants him to be so, and for Holly to keep away from the vile Nick... I suspect this isn't going to happen without an awful lot more spidery webs to come.

Hi Bea,

I've read five chapters and i'm really enjoying it so far. I really don't like Nick and want to give him a good slap so i'm hoping he gets one in the end!

Will keep on reading...

Sue (Up And Down)

Bea,

Oh how I can sympathise with Holly on her wedding dramas. It gets you to the point of frustration and makes you as nervous as hell, as well as sniping at your loved ones. I enjoyed what I read so far, and am wanting to shout out to Holly "Don't do it, Holly. Don't marry him!" I would read this to the end. The only thing I would say is watch your exclamation marks. They're a pet hate of editors/publishers/agents. You don't need them because your writing lets the reader know how she is feeling anyway: frustrated mainly. Well done and thanks for making me laugh.

Bea, this is a fast, fun read.
I'm sympathetic for Holly, unusual for me, as young female characters are usually written as annoying, whiney and weepy. Good job there. I like her, like Charlie so far, and actually, I'm impressed with the range of characters you created and are artfully juggling.
There are the odd blips and edit needs, of course, but the overall feeling is so easy and fun it doesn't matter. Another writer on here said (paraphrasing, here,) that there are some books that all the editing in the world won't fix.
The opposite is true here. Overall, the story is fresh, funny, and reads like one of those fantastic English movies that come out once a year or so with a big varied cast, like "Love, Actually".
I'll have space on my bookshelf in a day or so, and then i'm backing this.

This is good fun, Bea. I’ve only had the chance to read the opening chapter, but already I can see why this is so popular. The prose is very smooth and has an engagingly conversational, almost chatty feel which seems like a perfect fit for a novel of this type. I didn’t notice too many formatting errors/typos etc (maybe ‘gastroenteritis’ not ‘Gastro-enteritis’, ‘Mum’ not ‘mum’, ‘Dad' not 'dad’ etc??) which makes for an extremely fluid, seamless read. Terrific stuff.

Some of the phrasing/descriptive passages are superb – quirky and original and extremely vivid. There’s a terrifically involving, almost filmic feel to much of the writing which really helps to bring the scenes alive and immerse me in the narrative. It’s also very, very witty in places with some wonderfully inventive, often LOL-funny lines (eg. ‘Originality was obviously unfashionable, even here,’ ‘a flimsy thong slung around her left big toe,’ ‘I butter my toast on that bloody table’). What I particularly like about the ‘comedy’, is that, at all times, it seems to be character driven rather than just something the author has clumsily dropped into the text for comic effect. Nicely done.

If I’m being brutally honest, I suppose some of the phrasing does appear to be drifting ever so slightly towards cliché at times (eg. ‘run a mile,’ ‘thinking on her feet,’ ‘no sign of life,’ ‘break the habit of a lifetime,’ ‘shuddered to think’) which does begin to jar after a while. I appreciate that Holly may well think/talk in clichés but, because most of your prose feels so fresh and original, whenever I read a ‘stock phrase’ it does rather jump off the page and ends up removing me momentarily from the narrative. Maybe think about editing out some of the more obvious stock phrases to preserve the immersive feel of the narrative?? The only other observation I’d make about the prose is that, although, for most of the time, we appear to be very much in Holly’s POV, sometimes (eg the opening few paras of ch1 and later when we experience Glenda’s thoughts/emotions first hand) we seem to drift out of this POV slightly. Even referring to Holly’s mother as Mrs Mirfield (instead of, for example,‘her mother’ or ‘her mum’ or even ‘Mum’??) does shunt the reader out of Holly’s POV. The end result can be a bit disorientating. Maybe think about keeping the narrative focus on Holly so the POV feels more reassuring/consistent etc?? Just a thought.

Holly comes across as an extremely likeable, amusing, self-deprecating, appealingly flawed main character, someone the reader can immediately identify with and root for. I really like the italicised internal monologue inserts which provide an instant, intense insight into her mindset/emotions etc. Cleverly done.

The dialogue feels real and purposeful and helps both to drive the scenes and subtly flesh out the novel’s various characters. It’s also extremely funny in places (loved the fabulously farcical scene outside the dress shop where Holly and Glenda first meet – very funny and so true to life!!) Some of the punctuation surrounding the dialogue does seem a bit ‘off’ (eg. ‘How about getting in here with me?’ Holly snapped [full-stop not comma as the first line of dialogue is a complete sentence] ‘I’m sure…’ ‘It’s only a chicken casserole,’ she said apologetically [full-stop not comma as next line of dialogue is a complete sentence] ‘My digestive system…’ ‘…won’t be my concern [full-stop not comma as not followed by a dialogue tag]’ He winked playfully [full-stop not comma as does not contain dialogue tag] ‘For the honeymoon…’) and, for my own personal taste, I do think you slightly overdo your use of exclamation marks (eg ‘‘Ah!’ Holly sighed’, ‘Dunno!’, ‘you’re out of petrol!’ ‘It certainly was!’ etc) but they're all easy fixes should you choose to do so.

The plot sounds well thought-out and multi-layered and, with its mix of comedy, drama, romance, escapist adventure etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

High stars for now, Bea and I’ll definitely keep it on my watchlist so I can come back and read on.

Thanks and best of luck. P

Imaginative title, eye-catching cover and a short pitch which puts the reader in the picture - in addition to enough information in the long pitch to catch the readers' attention. From the chapters I have read so far I can see how perfectly the story fits into the chick lit genre.
Can't get over Nick's arrogance and conceit in chapter 2; 'I'm still quite a catch'. The writer skillfully develops characters that the reader can imagine. Humour and wit flow through the writing effortlessly and make an entertaining read.
High stars from me.
Maria (Georgina's Family)

Dear Bea

It is ages since I first looked at "Toads and Taxis" and I felt like revisiting the odious Nick and discovering whether he is really as bad as I remembered. He is worse! But you capture his character with such accuracy, I can only laugh at his version of a moral dilemma.

When Holly's life starts to disintegrate all around her, the humour is so unexpected I find myself chortling, even though I should of course feel very sorry for her.

This is great. Thank you for a lively, involving read to brighten my day.

Fran :-))

Love a good chit - and this is one ! Made me smile, fun read. Highly stared.
Karamak Faking it in France.

Hi Bea,
I had to start reading after your long pitch. The bit about "buttering his toast. Drew me straight in.
This is the sort of book that us chaps wait for WH Smiths to be empty before getting our copy (yes we all read chick lit, but don't say).
I have scanned through a few chapters and there are lots of gems peeping out at me. My only concern is that by the time I have read this, it will already be published. Marvelous, Fantastic humour, loved the blackness of it. On my WL and starred. Will try and get round to some critique soon.
Jerome

Iam loving what I have read so far. the humour you use is right up my street. I find I hate the character of Nick but I really want to read more about him too. In chapter three I found the dialogue between Holly and the taxi driver really funny. On my watchlist. Given it some well derserved stars too.

Oh my goodness! I hate Nick - he is such a pig! And Holly is a bit of a ditsy girl but I think you got me inside her head (scary as it was - I don't do bimbo very often!) so that's a good sign, all down to the writing which was entertaining and well paced. I think this has a chance of doing really well as its reads professionally and chick-lit is so popular at the moment.
Well done!
Melissa
Lessosn in the Dark

Proficient writing and smack in the right genre I think, stuff of nightmares finding your bastard of an intended in a situation like that.

The recurrent theme of The Dress adds a nice little note of pathos to the whole thing as well. It's not my usual read but I thought that the characters were well drawn, the flow was good and the situation just the right side of believable.

I found the dialogue a teeny bit stilted at times, e.g. letters in need of my signature - it seems a little formal under the circumstances but that is only my humble opinion so please do ignore me,

Good luck with this - I should think it'll do well here and I will watch its progress with interest. Lots of stars. - Diane

I read your first chapter and it definitely comes across as a really fun, easygoing read. Alas, I must admit that this is really not a genre that I read or that I feel comfortable commenting about. Your title is humorous and your writing fun and light and peppy, and I think the book has potential for the genre you are writing in, but I'm afraid I can't say much more than that as I really have very little experience reading in this genre. Harper Collins seems to have expressed interest in similar titles on here so you may have a good chance! I wish you luck here and hope you do well.

All the best,

Bunderful

Nick is an utter bastard! I really hope Holly doesn't get taken in by him (but I have a feeling she will). Read 3 chapters and this does exactly what you would expect - frivolous fun- love all the confusions (dress, pregnant, taxi driver) they are all just about plausible. Happy so support this and will be going on my shelf soon - in the meantime lots of stars. Juliet

Great fun to read. I loved the other bride advising her to consider sticking with awful Nick. You keep up a rattling pace here too. Very enjoyable! Glad to have found Toads, Tarts and Taxis!
Kate

Clever, witty, funny with engaging characters. Enjoying this a lot. Thanks.

The title of this book sums it up perfectly! This is a tale of adultery with a sharp witty twist. I love your style of writing. Even with the heartbreak that Holly endures in chapter 1 it still made me smile. I love the way we see things from Nick's twisted viewpoint in chapter 2. What a b*** It made me root for him to get what's hopefully coming to him further along in the book. I loved the line about Linda wearing her hair back to front. That one had me laughing out loud. This is the kind of book that I would choose to take on holiday with me. Something funny and engaging to read while I am soaking up the sun and endless cocktails. Well done and good luck on your way to the ED.

Kim (Pain)

I'd never read a story with a 6-way love tangle before, so I was really interested to see how they would play out! All of your characters have distinct personalities, there is lots of action, the writing is strong and it is just a great and engaging read overall. The change in POV worked particuarly well (you don't see that very much in chick lit). My only criticisms would be that a few words/phrases weren't quite worded properly - I didn't notice anything glaring because the story makes up for any little errors. Also I found some of the names really pretentious, which detracted my attention from the narrative, but that's just personal preference.

Overall, you've got a really great story. I love the chapter names, and they really set the tone. Your writing is understated which makes the story easy to get into, but after reading the whole thing, you clearly know how to write - your writing is strong without the writing detracting from what is actually going in (if that makes sense). Holly and Charlie were my favourite characters, but the mixture worked really well. As others have said, this reads like a published work. Best of luck with this! x

Hello Bea.
A very witty read. Your writing flows along nicely and it kept me reading. Very clever humour. I enjoyed this very much.
Rose

Fantastic title - Toads, Tarts and Taxis!
A wise and witty read about...Holly's sexy wild desires in a six - way love muddle.It stands out from the mass of chick-lit like a poppy in a cornfield. I loved it well done. ****** Connie x

Very enjoyable & rattles along at a good pace.

Hi Bea

I read CHs1-5 and really enjoyed it. It follows a fairly standard chick lit trajectory/plot but what suprised me, and intrigued me, was CH2 being told from Nick's POV. I really liked hearing the Villain's story.

The only nits I have are that there was a bit of 'hand-patting' going along (which I don't think I've done in my life) and Charlie's 'Caledonian Accent' is mentioned a little late. I assumed he was from London. I whizzed through the Chs so merrily, I didn't notice anything else.

Great stuff.
Cx

This is the best 'chicklit' I have read so far, I enjoyed the quirkiness of it. Liked the humour and most of all, 'Holly's' character, I warmed up to her from the start. We all know someone like her... well I do anyway. An entertaining story that grips you from start to finish. Main plot develops smoothly and sub-plots merge nicely without losing the reader, dialogue is fun and believable.

You've done a brilliant job with this story and it deserves to be on a 'Waterstones bookshelf', so don't give up with getting this one published! Giving this a 6 star rating and backed with pleasure.

Best of luck
Jo

Such a funny premise thus far. And Glenda's reaction is pitch perfect, albeit unexpected. I love your sense of humor and I find this a very easy read. Great dialogue, plenty of fun to be had in the mother-daughter department. I give this high stars, and reserve it on my watchlist for further reading as time permits. Well done!! Caitlin Avery
Lightning in my Wires
The Last Cruz

This is a good pitch. Normally I like then a bit longer, but this tells me just enough, and sets the tone for some mad silliness, I expect. The title helps too.

Opening scene: this “Mother Who Knows Best” and her anxious daughter and bride-to-be are annoying each other and amusing me. All this terribly nice suburbia is going to come crashing down, isn’t it? Oh good. Marrying a doctor? Yes, that’ll come crashing down too, of course. She’s obsessing with her wedding dress, as if it is the centre of the entire universe? This will come crashing down too, with all its silly bows and frills.

Hubby-To-Be says he’s working late, when the place is deserted… and she doesn’t see what’s coming? Better and better.

Now she has to sort out 2 wedding dresses, wrongly delivered, and she’s run out of petrol, and the other person with her wedding dress is clearly a nutcase and the road to ruining this entire scenario? Very pleasing.

Well she had to discover her intended was an Utter Bastard, and now the crazy nutcase is an ally. Off they go in the direction of alcohol. Yes, shaping up nicely here. Then they run into Utter Bastard and Tart in the bar. The end of the chapter implies that our heroine will be able to escape bumping into them, but I am really praying that this is impossible, and that she runs into the two of them face to face, in the most comically ghastly way possible.

With all the things I wish to read on this site, I limit myself to one chapter per person. I often wish there were more time.

This is a great set-up, and loads of women will love this story. If you will allow me to make one wish only, it is that the style has a little more wise-cracking as it goes along. Clearly we have a so-called screwball or wacky comedy in the making here - in terms of plot, absolutely so. The dialogue often has this attitude, and yet the paragraph by paragraph narration style is more straightforward, as if this is straight fiction or drama. So if I were going to wish for one thing to be added, that would be it, in my opinion.

I wish you well with this.
And I hope your life is nothing like this.
Best wishes from
Eileen Kardos
The Noodle Trail

Hi Bea

Not my usual genre but your style has a fine understated quality. It has the ability to draw the reader in, which is not easy to achieve. Real characters flow through this work, and it is clear from the start that you are a natural story-teller with writing energy to spare. Impressive...

best regards
Steve

Hi Bea;
I really enjoyed the first three Chapters of your book. Your writing style is witty, funny and engaging. I felt like I was transported right into the story and am looking forward to reading more.
Highly starred and backed.
Best of luck
Elke

I had to take a look at this when I saw your brilliant title - only to find the content just as brilliant! The story is fast paced and fun and I love the characters. Backed after the first four chapters and I will be back to read the rest. I'm hooked!

Best of luck with it.

Oktober

Toads, Tarts and Taxis
Hi Bea. Just had great fun reading some more of Toads. (I believe I was the first to comment when you first uploaded!) Confirms my opinion I had then - this is brilliant and thoroughly enjoyable chunk of chick-lit heaven.
Pleased to see it doing well
Kat x (Hens from Hell)

So, now I'm at the end. And I don't want it to stop!
Your story is really funny and emotional... I like your style and the plot. The chaos between the main characters was really funny to watch and sometimes I just wanted to shout at them: Look!!! Yeah...
I really love Holly and Charlie together! Such a sweet couple! And I'm happy that Michael and Gail have find their "end".. Really lovely, funny and romantic story of yours!!!!!

I LOVE YOUR STORY! I'm laughing my ass off!!! Really nice :-)
I will read the rest and then give you a feedback, you deserve it!

I love the title! It caught me from the start. Now, I've only managed to read the first chapter and a half (time restrictions) but so far I can see that great northern humour that I enjoy so much in your manuscript. On top of that I really liked in the first chapter how you jumped right into the situation of the story, setting the scene. Well done. I've given you a multitude of stars and placed you on my bookshelf. Good luck and I look forward to reading the rest of it!!

A superb example of chick-lit. I love Holly - she is the sort of character a reader will get attached to. Well-written, brilliant dialogue and an eye-catching title.
Katie

Defo my type of book! Loving the quirky titles and Holly as the main character' the other characters too are so realistic' it's like you can picture them! I also like the fact that your sentences are short and you don't introduce too much in the first chapter. A great read so far!

Hi Bea,
Great, slick writing. Sometimes I find it hard to believe I'm reading un-published writing on this site. Loved the title also. High stars from me, and I'll put it on my bookshelf thingy.
Best wishes,
Robert

Bea,

I have read the first five chapters of Toads, Tarts and Taxis and enjoyed it immensely. Great title (I like quirky titles); and a fascinating story is coming together. Holly is a wonderful rounded character, and, as a reader, I really feel for her predicament. Charlie, too, is a character that I'd want to know more about.

The manuscript could do with a little bit of final polishing in terms of punctuation and such; but I imagine you know that already, so I won't waste space by going into details.

I noticed that one of the other commenters suggested that you lose the very first paragraph and start with Holly exclaiming "Bugger it!", and I think I agree with that (but then I do prefer books that start with a bang, as you will know from reading "Five and a Half Tons.") Also, I think it would be better if the woman who had Holly's wedding dress is named as Glenda as soon as possible after she appears, so that she isn't constantly refered to as "the woman," just in case the reader starts to think that she doesn't have a name!

These are minor nitpicks and really only reflect my own preferences. I have given the book a constellation of stars, and wish you good luck with it.

Best wishes, and good writing,
John

TOADS, TARTS & TAXIS
This is a fun story to read. Holly is a wonderful main character. She’s spunky and certainly sympathetic after finding her intended in such a compromising position. Dialogue is a strength of your writing. It’s always short and often very amusing. Loved the line “death by sewing machine”. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Backed Toads,Tarts and Taxis. Excellent title. Your tale brought a smile and several chuckles. Good job developing each of your characters. When you decide to edit we have several suggestions.

Eight forty five- needs hypens: Eight-forty-five
“Saturday.” said Holly extending her hand.- Needs changing to-“Saturday,” Holly said extending her hand.
“Sorry?” said Holly vacantly. Needs changing to- “Sorry,” said Holly vacantly.
“I’ll give you mine and you give me yours?” needs comma and replace question mark with a comma-“I’ll give you mine, and you give me yours,” said Holly vacantly.
As the car trundled off down the High street Holly caught sight of a couple of inches…..-needs to be written as- As the car trundled off down the High Street, Holly caught sight of a couple of inches…..

Hope you will find time to take a look at our book, Dark Side.
CC Brown

Fast-paced and Funny.....Great stuff! Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck!
Sue50