Five Go Glamping

Hey Sheena,

Chick lit should be funny and this is very, very funny. I chuckled all the way though then actually guffawed at "It was all a bit Thorn Birds" and Fiona's Doris visualisation.

Fiona is a fantastic character, I totally identify with her and you've managed to make her feel real, worried about being a crazy cat lady but not hung up on having no man. Her situations and observations are hilariously real, and your dialogue is spot on. Sinead and Steph are similarly full of life. I'm sad there are only 4 chapters!

The only real crit, at this stage, is a sort of '5 hunt for the missing pronouns' feeling. Its halfway between normal fiction and diary style. Fiona's voice is quirky, but I found the way you've missed out 'I's and 'it's a bit distracting. For example:

"I left work....just wasn't sure what" would read better if it was 'I just wasn't sure what'. Unless you want to go whole hog diary, in which case it isn't as important to the overall style.

One possible typo from chapter 4 "We'd been friends with Gav" should it be Kirk?

Have lots of high stars and let me know when you put more up!

Your writing style makes for an easy read, perfect chic-lit. I found the main character to be very likeable and good humoured with great one liners. Could relate to the weightwatcher point system! All in all a great read. I've just uploaded my first book, it would be much appreciated if you could return the read when you have time, thanks.

Stephanie Mortimer - Feathers

Funny and appealing, a great example of its genre? I love the Enid Blyton link and millions of women who grew up with the famous five should be attracted to this story so well done with that. The pitch is terrific in itself and the book lives up to it well. Highly starred, on my watch list and on my bookshelf when space allows.Please check out a book I'm supporting it's a YA book but worth a look and support/feedback if you have time/space. Thanks

This is a very funny and well written book. I'm also in the "chick lit" section so was just checking out my competition when I came across your book. I'm drawn to catchy titles and so started to read yours. I'll be very surprised if this doesn't get published. Well done. Would appreciate you reading mine too if you can.

Good luck!
Ruth (Being Sarah Chilton (a guide for all mums when the sh*t hits the fan)). x

Dear Sheena

I don't do chicklit.

I absolutely positively never EVER DO CHICKLIT!

But I have to admit, if I ever found out that you had been hired to edit the Birmingham phone directory...I would buy a copy post haste, and voraciously read every single entry.

Five go glamping is one of my favorite reads on Authonomy, not because of the *gasp* chicklitness, but because it is you who wrote it. My god girl, will you please get on with being recognized as one of the foremost humorists of our decade, so I can look forward to seeing you invited to appearing on Oprah Winfry's network ( which I also never watch, but would make an exception if you were invited to be interviewed ) I mean, seriously...

I know I'm gushing, but " Five go glamping" is funny in a " I don't care even if it is chicklit " kind of way.

FULL DISCLOSURE...

Just so you don't think this is some kind of weird Internet infatuation thing, I should tell you that I got my wife to read your blog, and we laughed into the wee hours of the morning. Now I will get her to read "Five" ( I'm too lazy to write the whole title...), so you should expect a comment from her soon as well...

So sheena...

Keep writing, keep making us larf. Don't believe the people who say that British writing won't sell across the pond.

Bloody snobs, what do they know.

PS I never watched those Bridget whatever Diaries movies, or read the books, because, as I may have mentioned...I DON'T DO CHICKLIT...

But even so, your book stands out as pure Sheena Ignatia. In a class all it's own.

Keep writing my dear,

And email me when you get invited to appear on the"O" network.

( or even E! God help me...)

Hi Sheena ...

Will give this a ride on my shelf, as it reminds me so much of my own daughters when out with their workmates. Needs a good proofread for repeated and mis-spelt words, but apart from that, not much wrong. Not my usual choice of reading matter, but funny anyway. Backed and rated. Regards ... Duncan.

Dear Sheena

I left a comment but it disappeared, so here it is again. I have read most of what you have uploaded here, the first three uploads, and part of the fourth.

I liked this read, rather a lot, actually! Fiona comes across as a hapless, day dreaming girl. Her predicaments are just like ours. She and her friends just want to enjoy life, but she is always late, always slightly at a loss. I like the vignette about her new mug, getting taken away and used by someone else in the office. Observations like these make us realise we are not alone on our ditsy days.

Your writing is cheerful and relaxed, and I had no bother reading. Occasional awkwardness can be smoothed out easily. We all have to edit!

Take care, Sheena. All the best. :)

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Just re-reading this. Almost forgot how much it made me laugh.

Love Fiona's point of view and have really got stuck into the story. The characters are brought to life through their unique traits and idiosyncracies. The writer's attention to detail and humourous voice makes the story a thoroughly enjoyable read.
Highly starred and will also place it on my bookshelf when reshuffle.
Maria (Georgina's Family)

Before I read this I was a bona fide four cat owning mad cat lady. Since reading this book I have completely turned my life around. I got rid of the cats (dont ask how you dont want to know) stopped drinking tea and became a considerably less mad person. Thank you Sheena, you have changed my life. This book is also a really helpful points guide if you're dieting, with points totals for lots of everyday items like wine and kebabs. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

I've read a few chapters so far, and this is great fun with some splendid characters. Best of luck with this.
Andrea

Comlit review, by Gillian Bergh
I was looking through the list of books in the com-lit list, for one to read, and this one caught my eye. From the pitch, it looks a JOLLY GOOD READ. I like the book cover with . As Miss Blyton would have said, it has nice gay colours! LOL

chapter one, The slow pace is nice, it suits this chapter. I like it best when you get to Doris the supervisor, and her 'job description.'. Fiona's attempt at rebellion by leaving early fails, but she gets her secret revenge on Doris. I can just picture the scene when Fiona tries to take her coat off, and gets tangled up.
chapter two .The exchange between the MC and Mr Sidhu the shopkeeper was amusing. Going to the shop in her pajamas was very funny, especially with their slogans. Clearly not for public viewing.
I resolved to sort my life out , or at least my laundry basket. I also like it that you_______ rather than use profanity. The blanks can be whatever word the reader wishes.
Fakeation? It might be something you made up. but I can see someone making this reality.
Chapter Three - Fiona finds out Doris's actual job. Julia, the manager is scary. I did not find this chapter as funny as the first two, but the story is fun to read. The last paragraph made me laugh though, about Julia hampering the workers with her time and motion study.
Chapter Four - I found this chapter very funny, although I cannot think of anything specific to say about it.

There are some comments comparing thi book with Bridget Jones Diary. Luckily I did not read them first, as I find Bridget Jones dead boring. This book is definitely not boring, and was a joy to read.

Hilarious from the get-go. You've got a great character voice there, really relate to Fiona and just love the way she (or, you, I guess!) sees the world. Good luck with it all!

A.L
Wine Dark, Sea BLue

Well, you had me at Kebab Kingdom.

There's some real gold in here Sheena, wry and acutely observed, it's very funny and easy to read. Especially enjoyed Fiona and Ayesha's relationship, and like the contemporary feel of your book.

I think you might be in danger of straying slightly too far into Bridget Jones territory with the Weight Watchers, inner godesses and the snooty hearthrob in the newsagents. I have a similar problem, it's very difficult to create a humorous female protagonist that doesn't instantly draw this comparison. However, I can't imagine Bridget going glamping or having a mortgage for that matter. Starred and on my WL.

I love this book! Fiona is my kindred with her comic voice and world-wise insights. Yes, I'd be ticked off to be at work, too. But there's something very sweet about her, too, and her socioligical investigation made me laugh and feel for her at the same time. This is way beyond formula chick-lit - the kind of book I could read quickly and then wish there was more. Brava - high stars and on my shelf.
Lizzi
God of Wine

Really enjoyable read, Sheena. Highly starred and on my watchlist so I can read on.

The prose has an appropriately conversational, almost chatty feel which really helps the reader to identify with Fiona. I particularly like the way you use truncated, almost blog-like narration at times (eg 'Muttered an apology to Doris...' etc) - clever way to reinforce the realism of Fiona's narration. Fiona herself comes across as an immediately likeable, appealingly flawed main character, someone the reader can quickly sympathise with/root for. Nicely done.

The dialogue feels real and helps to drive the various scenes as well as subtly fleshing out the novel's various characters. The plot sounds well thought out and original with plenty of opportunity for comedy/adventure/romance etc.

Above all, tho, it's the effortless comedy of your writing that shines through. It's just such a joy to read (and very visual - I could certainly see this being developed as a film script). There's a really well judged blend of witty, rather wry humour (I particularly liked Fiona's habit of coining comic names for her enemies eg Jurassic Bleach and The Wicked Witch of the West Midlands!!) and more physical moments of semi-farce. I have to say, I normally shy away from anything tagged ‘chick lit’ but I really did enjoy this. There’s a refreshingly blunt, almost ballsy edge to the humour (reminded me a little of Men Behaving Badly??!!) which really worked for me. Fantastic stuff.

I haven't really got any criticisms to make. The cultural references, I suppose, have a peculiarly British feel (eg Kendal mint cake, John Craven, Topshop etc) which may limit the book's international appeal, but I think it would be a mistake to tone them down. For me, it's the Britishness of the book that makes it such a winning read and to water down the cultural references would diminish the novel's USP. I did notice a couple of typos as I went along (eg ‘Everyone bone in my body’, ‘She lent against the desk’) but nothing that interfered with my read.

In short, a very polished, reassuringly confident, extremely funny opening. Thanks and best of luck. P

Your MC has dating whoahs ....and what is she willing to do made me read on. I like her and she comes across as a typical female with Facebook and blackberry. Rated the book and hope to get back for more.
Regards, Red
Illusions of Comfort

This reminds me of Marian Keyes - the intelligent end of the ‘chick-lit’ spectrum. I feel this extremely readable manuscript has strong commercial potential and would recommend that it is considered further for publication.

A very nice reading which could be termed as highly remarkable and deserves 6 stars. Will put it on my book shelf soon.

The Famous Five do glam camping… it boggles the mind. The story starts of with perhaps the cleverest Facebook status ever, via Blackberry no less. Fiona does the hilarious wine maths and moves on to worrying about becoming a mad cat lady before shopping for Kimberleys in her pyjamas.

It's lots of fun and very funny. Backed!

Hi Sheena,

This is a very entertaining read - really well-observed, I'd say there's as much Jerome K. Jerome in there as Bridget Jones and though I may not be the target audience I found things like the taking-a-coat-off-whilst-sitting-down passage genuinely funny.

For what it's worth, a couple of suggestions... Firstly, I think you have a real lightness of touch with the humour that is just occasionally undermined by heavy handed delivery (the list that is Doris' job description, for example) - just be careful to keep it all bouncing along. More importantly, I think you need to punctuate your dialogue - there's a casual, conversational style to it which I feel is actually being interrupted by the lack of punctuation (in my experience, the more casual the language the more carefully you have to work at delivering it!).

Very interested to see where this goes next, and even though the lack of movement is part of the point, it would be good to see some narrative creeping in...!

Very well done and keep at it.

James

I really loved this. I read it at breakfast and a couple of times I nearly choked on my cornflakes with laughter. Wonder how many points for the cornflakes? The tone and the style of writing is just perfect for this genre. The characters are well described each with strong personalities which is important. Doris sounds like a real saddo but I bet we have all come across someone like her in our working lives. I felt so sorry for Fiona trying to find that special something in her life to make it a bit more interesting. Her obsession with the points for food and drink is very clever. A very good read. Well done and six stars.

PS - my friend is single and has two cats. Should I start worrying about her ha?

Kim (Pain)

Great read. How could anyone resist a man who likes the smell of bleach? Loved the opening sequence and the sense of sheer horror at the shut kebab shop. Great fun. Starred and will be shelved as soon as I have space (good move, btw, Fiona to delete Jurassic Bleach!)
Sheila

Hi
Really enjoying this, great characters and well observed. I laughed out loud at bits of it - especially the sherbert incident- it woke my hubby and he says I now have to go to sleep. It just needs a bit of editing and it will be spot on. Best of luck with it - I will move you to my bookshelf as soon as I have a space- I have given you a sprinkling of stars in the mean time.
Jx

~Five Go Glamping~

Gorgeous read! It's like a cross between Neville's Island and Bridget Jones!!! There were so many bits that I loved, like 'only a few mirrors sewn into skirts,' 'I took this to mean...not having to be reminded of when there's a mass being said for Prefab Pat's gangreous toe'! Ha!!! Oh yeah, and 'christ on a bike' - reminded me of Monty Python's Life of Brian! Also loved the points mentioned after each bit of food.

Just grammar, punctuation and inconsitencies to be reviewd - but all very easily fixed. Well done!!!

Iman xxx

Miss Manners: www.authonomy.com/books/39355/missmanners

Hello Sheena-
book - five go glamping-

read all five chapters you have posted last night.
Fiona comes across as a likeable girl, surrounded by an array of characters.; as you take
us through this likeable romp. it has the makings of a very good chick-lit read for the young
adult market.; who will relate to the office goings on.
It's very readable,and has a straightforward style.
your high ranking show how popular it is,

good luck on the way; to the desk with it,
tom bye
book - from hugs to kisses'
if you glance at mine, you might like chapters-38 and 41. cheers and thanks

Hi Sheena, The tone of this seems just right to me. I laughed when the cats on mugs list came. The observations of Doris telling the time, the one arm in a coat paragraph, the t-bag dunked in Doris’s coffee. I used to work with a Doris at BT, addicted to alcoholic cough mixture and went progressively redder throughout the day as the “nips” took hold. Always had to get the bus home. Her car never left the building in ten years. Shelved and rated.

This well-written and incredibly entertaining book is on my watchlist and highly starred.I really like your writing style-it reminds me of Freya North (whose work I love incidently-). I've not finished reading yet but am really enjoying story so far.
good luck,
yours Bea

Great idea for a novel! :) I think you have a really good opening here, just needs a little editing! Good luck with it!

Hi there,

So far I am enjoying your content and think that you have a good story line. Some things I picked up on that you might want to revise: In paragraph 3 - I noticed you used the word 'stamina' in one sentence and again in the next, and in paragraph 4 the phrase about four cats was repeated.

Also, one tip that may help to tighten your sentence structure is using 'ed' endings. For example "Was stretching" to "was stretched." I personally find this makes for an easier read.

Overall great job, your character is likeable!

Rachelle
http://www.authonomy.com/books/37953/undaunted/

Well, you make me laugh! Your writing is so full of personality and really easy to read. Really hope something comes of this. Keep going and keep sending it off to agents. xx

Easy to read, very Bridget Jones.

I'm sure a lot of readers will have met a Doris in their office, she's very well described.

Very funny episode with the sherbet foaming at the mouth in chapter three and the Fake holiday set up in chapter four, liked the Skegness sign one mile from Weston.

There are some issues that need sorting out with the formatting; lack of spaces, punctuation but easily put right. In the paragraph in chapter one, starting because Ayehsa wasn't in, the line is repeated that Ayesha has said you need four cats to be a mad cat woman. (slightly worried now as I have 5!)

:) This is fun. I really like the Doris job descrition bit and the Weightwatcher points next to everything. Would totally buy this IRL.

Firstly I think the title is genius and it caught my eye straight away! I can see publishers really loving that title and lots of potential marketing possibilities on just how un-Enid Blyton the story actually is. I think you’ve got a really natural sense of humour that shines through the story and makes your characters very real. I’m a Doris fan! One minor thing to point out regarding editing is be careful with your dialogue punctuation – you’re missing a lot of full stops and commas. Other than that I really enjoyed reading the opening chapters and I hope you upload more soon.

very very funny - you are clever writer and very whitty

dean

Glamping is the solution to the world's woes.

Sheena!! This is GREAT!!!!!

I loved this. Fantastic characters and I laughed many times - especially the sherbert scene! Wonderful stuff.

Made me laugh, great pace. The opening with the facebook evidence was brill. Why is the best chick lit written by the Irish (my mother in law is Irish, does that count?)

Anyway, good luck with HC, post on the chick lit thread when you hear back
Jo
x

PS Speech mark punctuation needs looking at, nothing your future editor can't sort out I'm sure! x

Sheena
This is a great start to what I'm sure is a brilliant story. Your narrative style is easy to read, as if you're chatting to a friend, I like that. The observations about Doris are spot on, there's always someone like her in an office and I love the reference to points after each item of food or drink is mentioned - I have a colleague who does the same!
Jane (Jedye)

You have a great story here. It is written very well, with a good voice, and good narrative.
There are some minor edits; missing commas etc. However they can easily be fixed,
I think this book deserves 5 stars.
Ruby Middleton 'Will Ryan'

Love the diary style - sets up some great opportunities for dramatic irony. This has a clear narrative voice which is backed up well with motifs (the points counting being the obvious one). This is not at all the type of book I would ordinarilly pick up and choose to read, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

This is a hoot, you're writing voice is delightful. I've noticed just a few tiny editing things...

Chapter One -

I think the word "a" needs to be in the following sentence:

Ayesha said you have to have four cats to be *A* full mad cat lady.

But I'm not sure, because later, in the second chapter, Fiona says, "...She only has three so she's not full mad cat lady." It struck me again, there, but not so much like it was a typo as the first time. ??? Maybe just that we all use English a little differently depending on where we're from, eh? (Then, I see, later in chapter two, that Fiona says, "I don't want to be a mad cat lady" and again later, also with "a")

In describing Doris' job description, the number 7 is repeated, i.e. ...5, 6, 7, 7
(So "Any other responsibilities...." should be #8)

Chapter Two -

In the paragraph beginning with "yeah, and she's retiring soon and she's been....." After the part that reads, "I paused for breath" the period is not after the "h", it needs to be moved back one space.

In the paragraph beginning with "I offered the plate of nachos toward Sinead..." the word "who" is written twice, right after "Sinead" -- one "who" needs to be removed.

In the paragraph that begins with "I gestured to her neck area..." When you get to the examples a) and b), I think it would read more smoothly if you put the word "started" before example a. Like this:

"Me and Steph have both said we would never speak to her again if she started a) wearing patchouli oil and/or b) wearing any kinds of clothes that mirrors in them...."

Also, in that sentence, after "mirrors in them" there is a comma followed by an upper case "A" in "As it was" So either, make the "a" a lower case one, or preferably, change the comma to a period after "them."

Chapter Three:

First paragraph, the period after the word "Sunday" is after a space, it needs to be after the "y"

In the paragraph "Please Mr. Sangha..."

There needs to be a space between "Mr." and "Sangha" and after the word "goddess" there should be a comma rather than a period.

Your pitch has some typos in it, also.

Now, it's a mark of how pleasant your work is that I just read the pitch. I don't usually read pitches on books that have been recommended to me. but you have not posted anywhere nearly enough of your book, and I had to read more of your writing....

(It's actually a good thing there isn't more because I don't have time today!)

But I got a big kick out of your writing style and would like to see more! You've got a great voice in Fiona and I'd like to spend more time with her.

I don't have room on my shelf today, but will later in the week and will put this up. I've enjoyed it!

Wishing you all the best,
Judy

Hi, Sheena,

Love your title Five Go Glamping and it lets the reader in for a funny glomp, glimp, glamp of a read.

All the best,

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Hi Sheena. (Five Go Clamping) You've got the start of a great novel here. I loved Doris's job description. What a super way to show someone's character! I'm pretty sure most people working in offices have a Doris among them. Quite the clever method of getting around the 10,000 word rule. Don't know if they allow that. I'd be sure to upload more as you near the editor's desk. From what I've read, I think I'll back this for a while. Best wishes. Carol

Sheena, Great humour, many women will be able to identify with the contents. Really good job and great characterisation. I couldn't find chapter 4?? Starred and wishing you loads of luck with Five Go Clamping. Hannah

Great observational humour from an always dependable writer of comedy. Constant smiles and more than enough laugh out loud moments.

There are some real comedic gems in this.. laugh aloud lines in this ... i love the whole idea of glamping and cant wait to read more

Five Go Glamping:

Always uplifting to read your work, Sheena. Lightens the heart, your humour does. :o)

Been decades since I had Barley Sugars, and the mention of Kimberley bikkies made me want to put the kettle on, although, boo-hoo, we can't get them here. :o(

What happened with Chapter Four?

How's the M.I.L? She still have her gorgeous carpet?

Cáit :o)



Needs some editing, but it's on to my shelf for a while.

Cáit :o)

backed on the basis of the cover, pitch and title


rt