The Perilous Adventures of an Unfulfilled Full Stop

Hi, I really like this.

It is just showing off really isn't it?!

Loads of things appeal to me, not least the characters' worries about acronyms.

As a teacher I have just finished my AfL for KS3, and differentiated for EAL, MENA and SEN, with the ECM agenda on the way out I've got to make sure I include strategies for BfL and G&T; we've been working on our DIP and linking it to our SIP, but I don't know how relevant it is to the SEF that the SLT wrote recently, but one's thing to sure within the GROW model you've got to be sure that your targets are SMART, doing a SWOT analysis would help, but I think that everyone is just going to tell me to use more WALT and WILF, but I can't even be bothered with LOs, the kids on the 646 and in the BIG have met with the SEG and been discussed at the RAP group with MLs.

OMG


Your book will definitely appeal to literate intelligent types, but the only concern is whether it is marketable... (I hate myself for saying that but I know it's what a publisher would say.

It's almost like the blank template for a novel.

It's WLed so I can watch L8er m8.

Cheers, regards

Kit

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

I don't mind working hard when the read is ultimately worth it. Initially I thought 'conceit' at all levels was the operative word but I left it to come back to so that I would read more slowly and fully. I'm glad I did. Well worth it.

this comment isn't worthy of an LF40 review so I will leave it as a simple BACKED.

Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

Jim - this is a brilliant conceit. I can think of several ghosts who would read and chuckle over this - Lewis Carroll [obviously], James Joyce, Beachcomber, Stephen Leacock and Flann O'Brien are but a few. The relish with which you construct this world in chapter one is piquant, and your enthusiasm for the nuts and bolts of language endearingly infectious. I've just been struggling to read 'Finnegan's Wake' [got to page 190 so far], and, though 'Stopper' is an easier read in some ways, it makes similar demands on parts of my brain that are long overdue for exercise.
I have doubts, though, about the viability of this as a work of fiction. You begin with a strong dramatic scene, exciting dialogue about the dominance of the Capitals, and introducing potential personalities, but as the story develops, these characters and the human/e impulses behind their actions became secondary to philosophical digressions that for me, sapped the energy of the narrative drive. And instead of enjoying the Millliganesque images you paint of zeros and full stops sitting in a pub having a drink, I was struggling with the internal logic of your creation. The war of letters and words got to me first. How can words and letters be at odds so late in the story? I thought it was understood from the beginning that the purpose of letters is to form words, so how are they separate? And the Stop-its - couldn't they be rabid exclamation marks? The idea of the commas being Furies needed to be brought in much earlier - though I can't work out how they fit in either. I needed more character development - Zero and Stopper aren't fleshed out enough and their relationship is at the same place all the way through. And I miss feeling, compassion - I tried to feel sorry for the deep fried comma tails, but there was no encouragement from the way it was written. Mathematics and emotion surely can co-exist [A Beautiful Mind suggests itself]... I'm struggling here with the maths and philosophy, so maybe I'd better call a Halter and Hold. Just one more thought - in Ch 3 or 4 when Stopper shuts everyone up by shouting, couldn't he grab a small, athletic apostrophe and hold it over his head to make himself into.... okay. I'm done.

Okay, Jim. This is the LF40 review I promised you.

Let me say right up front that I will NEVER look at capital C’s, apostrophes (for that matter), commas, and the little dots at the end of sentences the same. When I see an acronym or abbreviation, a bit of pity will go out of my heart for all those unemployed lower case laborers.

The idea behind your book is absolutely brilliant. Because of the need to dispense information at the speed of nanoseconds, ponderous sentences and artistic prose have taken a back seat to high-use convenience words. As a result of this phenomenon, whole words are threatened to become extinct and even certain letters may become weak, endangered species of the English language. It is up to stopper to lead the fight against this careless, shortsightedness that plagues the human’s sub-conscience.

If a person is sharp-minded they will pick up on the wit and understanding of language that is in this book. A few of the obvious puns I picked up on were:

“This was said in response to the blustering capital who claimed to have started everything, as they were
prone to do.”

“Interesting take on the evolution of language relating to the upright stance.”

“Regarding comma’s “some are upside down with rage, leading to all sorts of false quotes.”

“Oh yes, your number’s up m8”

Jim, I didn’t know if it was a point to make on your part, but I did learn the meaning of three words. I had to look up phoneme, kabala, and dearth. Thanks to your book, I have just expanded my vocabulary.

I thought it was ironic that in the midst of the discussion about acronyms and abbreviations, Special Rep (representative) K steps forward to speak.

I’m afraid I have become a product of the information age and am a perfect specimen of the dull-minded. I spent 15 years writing code that computers could understand. Although COBOL is one of the wordiest computer languages and it’s commands are split into “paragraphs”, it still only uses a select number of words to translate human speak to the 0 and 1’s of computer speak.

So with that said, even though I found your story hard to follow at times (because of my own ignorance) the point was well taken. I will do my best to fight against the lazy path that our language seems to be taking.

Your book carries a strong, well-meaning message, but I think it is pointed at the wrong people. I could see your book being used as a very effective and entertaining teaching tool in the school setting. In order to make any kind of change, you need to reach the younger set, say, elementary, middle school or high school age kids - not post-college intellectuals.

A man of your intellect surely could translate this work into something that could be used in the modern day classroom to teach the importance of the word usage, sentence structure, as well as to promote a desire to build a rich vocabulary. If you did this, I dare say you would increase your effectiveness and your audience exponentially, not to mention, save a generation from becoming feeble-minded “texters.”

I give you six stars for your understanding and mastery of a very complicated and ever-changing language!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Oh, P.S. In chapter one, I think. In Paragraph beginning, “They were telling Stopper that what the special rep K…” there’s a couple repeated words. “Just (to have to have) somewhere to go.”

LF40 Review - Final comments

So much to think about in Chapter 10, regarding emotion conveyed by words...every word carrying its own weight of emotion, yet dependent on the words around it for definition...the full stop only being able to end a sentence or a word, but not to end the emotion, or sentiment conveyed. Fascinating stuff. Not stuff I normally think about, and there is quite a lot to think about here. Though I think that if I thought too much I might not be able to write...

Lovely imagery in chapter 11 - the literary citadel image - so much more comfortable to me than the stark description of Acronym City...ghosts of letters, words and meanings - floating between the lines - what a lovely new definition or "turn" to that turn of phrase. Made me wonder - do all letters and words and sentences and paragraphs exist and define themselves against and because of every letter, word, sentence and paragraph that came before them...are all our written words so "loaded" - and if so...how heavy. Again, if I thought about this too much I might not be able to write anymore...the moral responsibility to carry the weight of language on the back of every word we write...yikes.

I am wondering if it might be fun, although assuredly difficult, if not impossible, but still...it's an idea - that when the commas are not in the scene to write without commas, and when the ital. u and the i and g etc. are not around - to forbid yourself the use of them. In chapter 12 - when you have the "stop its" come in - perhaps show their presence in the paragaph. Chop up the sentences - make them shorter all of the sudden. Making the actual text itself feel the effects of what is going on. You could do a similar thing with "ghost" letters - greying out certain letters in certain places. It would be a fun exercise and challenge, but also a way to make what we are reading more "physical" and "visual" and hence perhaps a bit easier to perceive...(just a thought)...

I found 13 the most difficult chapter so far, not quite understanding completely the relevance of the fates vs the furies...

Chapter 14 - ghosts will rise again...zombie letters now? so funny. LOVE the last two lines of chapter 14...

Chapter 15 - love this. Can totally see Stopper in a tux. And the scene where the exclamation marks and question marks flit about etc. could totally be an amazing scene in a comic/graphic novel...

Chapters 16-17 - kind of finding it hard to understand/visualize why and how the dance scene and the court scene are going on at the same time (in the same room?)

Starting to see this very much as a play at the end here...

Love the last two paragraphs and your ending.

Those are my comments, taken as I read. I do think that there is somewhat of a muddle in the middle - not everythinng is completely clear in terms of Red R, the train tracks, Humpty Dumpty, the ghost letters and the fates/furies - but your beginning and ending are strong and pack a punch with their messages. The power of language, the inter-connectivity of letters and punctuation, how language relies on all of its components to get across its messages - no one letter/punctuation mark is any more important than another. This as a meditation of freedom and equality in society too. Not sure about the actual characters brains that this novel is supposed to be taking place in. I would never have know or guessed whose brains we were in and perhaps because it does not really impact the novel - I wonder if it is important at all (like I said, would this be a completely different novel if we were in the heads of artists/psychologists/musicians/writers/Priests and more? And also but burden of language - tradition stretching back to the Book of Kells and beyond - we do not/cannot speak or write a word/letter/sentence that does not carry on it's back thousands of years of the history of language. And so we must proceed with utmost caution in our forays into language as wordsmiths...

- Rena (Bunderful)

LF40 Review
Ok Jim, this is my first ever LF40 review – so I will let you know how I operate before commencing.
I have read your first two chapters twice – once straight off the screen in my head and the second time out aloud. I do this so that I can get to know the words before enunciating them and analysing how they work when presented orally.

I then dipped in and out of your other chapters looking for themes, concurrency, voice and stylistic integrity.
I will in time come back to read more but for now, I have based my assessment on the above criteria.
I have spent little time looking for typo’s etc because they belong in a line edit not a review. Happy top one for you if you wish but for now my focus is on plot, pace, characterisation, language, style and most of all voice – I am looking for you in your words Jim.

Lastly, I will qualify my views not as a fellow writer but as that of an ardent reader. I own over 3000 books and I have no fixed ideas about what does and does not constitute a novel – my tastes range from Agatha Christie to Proust.

SHORT AND LONG PITCH

The short pitch works well, not only is a unique theme being presented for I have never come across a story quite like this, but it is neat and snappy and the expletive injects a bit of humour into the mix.
Long pitch works less well, not badly, just a little cluttered.

I would re-write it thus –

Language is in crisis and the letters are less than happy. They want better words, better sentences – yet all they are offered are Acronyms and Abbreviations and everyone knows; only the capitals get those jobs.
Why is the language failing to educate, to elucidate? Why is it shirking its remit – well, that’s something Stopper the full stop aims to find out.

Stopper, ably assisted by Zero, an italicised u, 3 commas and host of assorted characters delve into the investigation, all the while being sucked further into the story. A story that takes them from one subconscious, where the language is somewhat ropey, through the unconscious and the Scream of the Amygdala.
From there they are propelled headlong toward Acronym City, where the sardonic Hypothalamus awaits them and where the final battle for the freedom of the language is engaged. (140 Words)

Not that my take is perfect you understand. I just wanted to give you a flavour of delivering a sense of adventure through the long pitch rather than a set of dispassionate facts.

That said your pitch is somewhat harder to write than most, because you are presenting such a unique and quirky tale and that, is most definitely to your credit.

CHAPTER ONE

Love the opening paragraph (I’d change the “some unmeasured time” phrase to time without measure or some such as its slightly contradictory as is) I like the creationism parallels, in the beginning etc.

You have a cadence to your writing that works very well – especially the triptych comma separated phrases you use eg “at bedtime, downtime, sometimes simply quiet times....” excellent, they give a nice prosody to your prose.
The next part is dialogue heavy and I must say you handle dialogue extremely well – it’s by and large tag free and flows in a believable, plot driven manner, disseminating ideas and themes and working well as a character vehicle.

Some statements so far. You are an accomplished wordsmith Jim Barrass – in fact you remind me a little of Margret Attwood in that you revel in language and its use and form.

Because of that you have in abundance, three of my prerequisites for a good piece of fiction – Style, command of language, and idiosyncrasy.

Here is my however though, it is a bit heavy going Jim. It is by any stretch a tough read and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, or that you should make sweeping changes to the structure and form – but it is a thing Jim.
Oh Jim – I am stuck for a words – it is an extraordinary fucking book and I fear it may be lost on many people because it has melted my head.

I am going to take a breather and come back to review chapter two.

I do like this Jim, it’s just hard going but that is not your fault, it is my lack of ability to digest your vision more readily. I note in your profile that you like Kafka – he is as a God to me and he was tough going at times too. Not that I am saying you are like the great man, but you have a flavour of his potency and visual idealism that is most commendable, most talented and almost indigestible because of it.

I am going to read everything you have written here Jim, I swear I will because I do enjoy what you are doing here. It would be churlish of me to suggest any more minor amendments because your style is so big and overwhelming that they would be lost amid the power of your voice.

Jim Barrass, I say this but rarely – I think your book may well be touched by genius. Trouble is my friend that in this day of and age of tawdry and vacuous cheap thrills, mass appeal is unachievable with a book such as this. Doe that matter? Not for me it don’t, but for you? That’s a question to self Jim.

I will be back with more actual critiquing but for now, I need to cogitate on what I have read and move through your quite wonderfully quirky story.

Best Regards and good luck

Rob

P.S the comments about the pitch seem somewhat superfluous now.

LF40 Review Part 3

Chapter 7:

Some lines I particularly like here:

"things were not looking good when they've reduced the entire language centre into a psychiatric ward."

"a few juicy punctuation tales"

This chapter had a bit of a sense of "big brother" in it to me. But I was expecting some kind of secret language or letter police to show up at any minute...

There seems to be a proliferation of eating/drinking establishments everywhere the letters/numbers/punctuation marks go. It's cute for a while, and always clever, but on the one hand I am wondering if it's a bit much, and on the other hand I think it's neat because there is always a bar where certain types hang out and another bar where others hang out etc. in real life, so why shouldn't letters have their own establishments too...

Chapter 8:

This was brilliant: "not only could you never rush commas, but that when there were three of them you have to let them each have their turn, slow but sure was the commas way of telling a tale and Stopper, as all full stops must do, simply had to wait."


I can't help but think of "bid Red" as communist - which I'm sure you must have intended...and still the "big brother" feel here in this chapter - now with added police/enforcement gangs...so the set up for that was good. I was expecting it...

Some of the middle of this chapter was a bit confusing though in the False Font Front Shop - I wasn't really sure I understood who was standing where and doing what or why...

very funny: "No more, 'Out, out, damned ink spots' from her."

Second to last paragraph: it seems like you have used waaay to many of the word "Red" in this paragraph - I found it a bit jarring...

And what an ending to part two! Gasp.

Chapter 9-10

Very cute: "You could say that the colons had foresight, the commas eyesight, and the full stop hindsight."

"men of letters" - very nice - I really liked that paragraph a lot...

You should know that this chapter repeats itself yet again...like what happened in that first chapter...

LF40 Review part 2

Chapter 4

When Zero says "Synapse sake, Stopper...will you shut the hell up, I can't get a word in edgeways here" - I was confused - it might be some kind of point you are making, but she just told him he was being subdued and then she says she wants him to talk? I'm sure there is some really interesting and clever point you are making here and if I thought about it long enough I'd understand, but seeing as I don't perhaps there is a way to tweak this so that it flows better / makes more sense?

Here, I would take out one of the "Stoppers": "Manipulated! Stopper, what are you on about? That's your hindsigh fallacy kicking in, Stopper."

Maybe a break before "Stopper and Zero were back at their table, manipulations resumed."

Hmmm....Seems like Zero is talking about human relationships here but I am wondering if the letters are being personified? If so...you got me thinking about ghosts. What would be the ghost of a letter? Or word?

How do Zero and Stopper "hug and kiss" - as you describe them earlier - physically they can only go "in and out" of one another, no?


Heh. At the end of this chapter I was thinking that if letters spoke like this in everyobody's brain - nobody would ever get anything done - and again, echoing what I said before, I guess, in the brain of another would these letters behave differently? Are they representing what goes on in all of our brains? Or just the brain that they inhabit in this story? Because their antics would be enough to drive anyone insane! Hah! And therefore be blameless for anything they say or do. "The letters made me do it! I swear!"

Chapter 5

Hah. I had a thought that perhaps the small "i" has become more self important now than he/she was when you wrote the book - because of the proliferation of iphones and ipads etc....

There is an element of Jonah in the belly of the whale here...that's how I pictured it at least...

And then after, it sort of seemed almost comic-bookish to me - the way you describe the letters being all dishevelled and unformed...which made me think that this might make an awesome comic book or graphic novel...

Chapter 6

Hehe. I can see the letters all lined up in their hospital beds attached to ink IV transfusions...love it.

Why are the commas always giggling? I mean, it's cute and it works, but somehow I don't see them having that function in language...I see them more as pregnant pauses, as shy creatures, that are always holding back...(these are of course, just my thoughts as I read...)

I am also wondering if in this world you've created (which is the world in every one of our brains, is it not? to a certain degree...) is there only one of each type of letter that just replicates itself endlessly - one letter archetype which is the Platonic perfect form of that letter in our brains? And everything else is just a poor (or not so poor?) copy?

LF40 review

As everybody has said this is an extraordinary book. I have read all three-quarters of a million characters and had to leave it two days before writing a crit to allow my brain to recover sufficiently.

So what do we have? Writing about the tools we use for writing – yes, but much more than that because the characters acquire ‘character’ and become analogies for other things, written and unwritten. I was interested that Jim originally had in mind that one of his sub-consciouses was George W Bush. I kept trying to figure out the sort of mind that I was in – but it just did not dawn on me that it was (or started off as) a real person.

Now some reviewers have suggested that you should bring in a human element to ‘leaven the bread’. I think this would be very difficult to achieve, because we are inside the minds of humans – but just perhaps you could aid our understanding of that mind. I know you have the Amygdala and the Hippocampus and that we fleetingly see some of the Emotions – perhaps that could just be expanded a bit so that we get a better picture of who it is (or what type of person it is) that we are within?

We do have some character to character interaction (Stopper and Zero) but relatively few characters became real to me. For example I had little understanding of Italicised u (a main character). This lack of reader-empathy with most of the characters may well be intentional, but it makes for slightly tedious reading.

Just occasionally I felt you were talking down to the reader. An example would be the Furies and the Fates. I did remember the names of the Furies but had to look up their attributes. Again I could only remember one of the Fates and had to look up the attributes of them all. I am not a scholar of classical mythology but have a reasonable grasp of it – I just wonder if you could be kinder to the reader and not spell out our dumbness quite so clearly! Incidentally I found the attributes of the Furies somewhat at odds with the giggling commas that I knew up to that point.

I have to say something about the wit. It is of course wonderful – page after page of puns, double entendres , etc. Just a few examples from later in the book (in case some people do not get that far]:
“Talking stuff you can’t remember, isn’t that called psychology?”
“Inane’s aunt Inanity”
“You can’t believe a word sometimes”

So the wit is great, but the strange thing is that with all the rampaging about, visits to café’s and bars with amusing names, and the brilliant puns, the actual reading experience was one of intellectual challenge rather than fun. Akin to doing a difficult crossword. I found that my enjoyment was not helped by the size of some of the paragraphs. I know you had to accommodate some very long sentences, but I did find that on occasion my mind just glazed over!

So will it be published? Would it sell? I think you would be very very fortunate to find a publisher who would back their amusement at the concept with a commitment to publish. I just wonder however if it could make a radio play – nay a radio series! If you did a bit of a re-write to include authorial comment in the Douglas Adams style then I think that would introduce a more humorous (as opposed to witty) element that would make the writing so much more accessible to the reader/listener.

Jim, I really enjoyed it – you have such talent, but I really do not want to read the sequel for a good long time! Backed for at least a week!

Gordon

LF40 Review Part 1

Chapters 1-3


Chapter 1

There is a bit of a contradiciton here that bugged me - first it says that stopper was paged - then it says he got a letter - then the letter says he should go "two nights hence" and then Stopper says "I'll likely pop down there tomorrow" and then they decide to go right away - but didn't the letter say "two nights hence" this really confused me.

I just had an idea as I re-read this again...what if you gave examples in the text of what you are talking about in places - to make it visual - like when the vowel rep O talks about the O splitting down the middle - or in the paragraph before - quoting acronyms...

Shouldn't there be a break between "That's a good point Stopper" and "Stopper was visiting the injured commas...."

Unless this is here on purpose - it seems to me that chapter 1 repeats intself twice...no? Or is there a point to the repetition and I should keep reading??

Chapter 2

I'd like to see examples here again - with all the apostraphe talk...

Is that true that an "unemployed lower-class letter only gets 59.13 sound to play with?" or did you make that up?

I found it interesting and bit off that Stopper talks about creative narratives - how creative can a full stop actually be? Something here seemed strange to me...


Chapter 3

I love the interaction between Stopper and Zero here. And the Numericals and Literals being different species - sooo funny!

I was wondering here if the letters would have less of an issue if they were in a different person's brain - say, a writer, or a poet, or a talented orator...would this then be a different novel? Just curious.

General thoughts that I posted in the thread:

I'm just going to weigh in for a minute and say that one of the reasons the other books I mentioned (Jasper Fforde and "Ella Minnow Pea") work as well as they do is because they have a framework - like some people have been mentioning here. Jasper Fforde has rollicking story book characters and a dodo bird, "Ella Minnow Pea" is a novel in letters - and as the story goes on different letter of the alphabet disappear, forcing the writer to write entire chapters without the letter "a" or "b" and more...

Now, I'm not saying this book needs a framework, it sort of has one already, (taking place in the brain if I've understood it correctly - labor unions, theories of economics etc.) but it is something worth considering, Jim. I have no idea what it should or could be, but it might make the book a bit more marketable/more accessible.

Having said that - I am really enjoying reading this book. I like books that challenge me - and I admire books that I never could have written myself!

I think that you do have some very interesting and prominent characters here - I like Stopper's interaction with Zero, haven't gotten to Red r yet, still reading...but the dark/sleuthy feel of the first chapter or so was really great. I could hear in my head the narration and see the smoky bar - with perhaps letters floating up above the characters heads as cigarette smoke suddenly becoming animated...part of it almost had a "muppets" or "sesame street" feel to it - but not in a childish way - I love watching those shows and think that much of the skits are brilliant. This book is almost like an adult version of those shows in the way that it tries to mourn/celebrate/elucidate and educate about words and language. The question, of course, then goes back to audience/demographics though...

I'm going to write this up more officially as a comment on your book as well, but I just wanted to share these thoughts now...

More tomorrow...

LF40

Jim-

The first impression I had was how incredible it was that you described this fantastical and extremely foreign world so cleanly and easily. It's hard to make a reader feel like they know exactly where they are in such a foreign place!

Obviously, your humor is rich and feels natural. And your descriptions/explanation of literary/verbal concepts is so interesting. I love the way that vowels are described as "moving" language and "light", while consenants hold everything together. Your writing is lyrical and really embodies the "all words are poetry" feel.

I love the "three humans" metaphor. How accurate! And the denial section rang true as well. (Ch. 1)

Ch.2 Some errors:

"Nothing going on..." Nothing's?
"...full stops tended to be dark..." What does that mean?

I like your "period & politics" and "politics & capitol" analogies.

In this chapter I noticed that when you start a sentence with the character "italicized u", you capitalize it. I think, for the sake of clarity, you should leave it lowercase. I would not have read that as a grammar mistake. His name truly is lowercase.

Ch. 3 - "Hey I owe you!" Love it!

Ch.4 - So we are now introduced to some sexuality. I know letters don't really have feelings, but I would have liked to see more devotion from Stopper and zero. I know they long for each other, but I didn't really "feel the love" so to speak. It felt predominantly sexual to me...which is strange...seeing as they're letters. :)

Ch. 5 - So now we are really getting into the adventure. The amygdala is very well done - plenty of suspense, good pacing and description. It almost felt like a horror film with all the screaming. And the forgetfullness that the characters experience lends itself to the psychological aspect of this novel. This is my favorite scene so far. (Also reminded me a little of HOL - I see that you are a fan!)

This is the chapter in which I noticed that the explanations, while necessary, are becoming excessively long and cumbersome. The paragraphs should be broken up a little. At the least, it will give our eyes some rest.

Ch. 7 - Some more long paragraphs. Also, I was confused about where we were here. Only once it was specifically spelled out that we were in a new person did I understand. (Additionally I had the knowledge from LF40 regarding Cheney/Bush). I don't know if that was intentional or not, so I thought I'd let you know.

This novel is complicated, beautiful, funny and unique. I know nothing about publishing or genre segregation, but I would buy this book. So there's that, for whatever it's worth.

This is extremely well done, and you can consider me an impressed fan.

-Katy
The Promenade

LF 40 Review:

I think it’s fair to say this isn’t going to be the usual type of review I post. Normally, I like to focus in on the minutiae of the text - typos, errors of fact, omissions, disorientating shifts in narrative voice, repetitive sentence/paragraph structure, dodgy dialogue etc - as I firmly believe that by highlighting specific weaknesses in a novel more general themes and ideas emerge which the author may wish to work on. This is the type of comment I like to receive so it seems only right to offer similarly specific feedback. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem much point in attempting this here. The reasons are two-fold. Firstly, the novel feels extremely polished with very few slips – either stylistic, syntactical or grammatical – to interrupt the flow of the narrative. And secondly, (and this is the big one!!) this is far from a normal novel!!

My overall impression having read your opening chapters is that, while I found the novel an elegant, smooth read filled with many interesting and quirkily innovative ideas, some terrific, wryly comic asides and lots of truly memorable, deftly lyrical phrasing, I wasn’t particularly involved by the experience. In many ways, I felt as if I was reading the novel from a distance, appraising rather than enjoying. In an academic, unemotional sense, I could admire the ambition and originality of the author, marvel at the subtle satire and clever pastiche, revel in the witty one liners and playful absurdism but, at no time, did I feel fully absorbed by the reading experience. I enjoyed the writing in isolation but the overarching narrative thrust of the novel, I’m afraid, left me rather cold.

In many ways, reading this novel reminded me of Ronni Ancona’s fabulous riff on QI on the life and times of the noun ‘obscurity’ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUnBGk2nb3w) Terrifically funny and very imaginative but if she’d gone on in the same vein for a couple of hours it would have driven me up the sodding wall (!!)

I’m sure you’re fully aware of the potentially limited appeal of the book you’ve written, Jim but I thought it only fair to let you know how, as a reader, the novel grabbed me.

In short, an artfully conceived, impressively delivered rumination on the poverty of modern culture. Just not for me.

Thanks and best of luck. A

Litfic40 Review

Whoa, Jim! As this is not an ordinary book, this will undoubtedly not be a normal review. The rules simply do not apply, or perhaps they do, but only marginally. So, yes, Whoa, Jim, is what I thought, at several points throughout my read of this. I have deliberately not read any background to the book, either via the comments already posted or those on the Litfic40 Salon because I felt it important that I came to it with a very uncluttered head.

First impressions first, this is clearly a book of ideas and, moreover, ideas which seem to have been amassed over a lifetime of human and literary experiences. The delight in its telling is palpable, to the extent that I could sometimes clearly imagine you having a good laugh while you revelled in the ridiculousness of it all. And I mean ridiculous with a small “r”, Jim; with the cynicism and frustration and pleasure and downright gratification that using words has for you. But I also felt a sense of poignancy at several points in chapter one; a sadness for a language that seemed to be dying out in direct and ironic proportion to the growth of technology and human advancement. You know how when you reach a certain age and realise that your kids don’t know what a record player is?! That’s how I compared the sentiment in this book; in the sense that the beauty and pleasure of language is in danger of becoming like a dinosaur that we only occasionally dust down and marvel at in hindsight as some sort of lost relic.

So, yes, it’s a celebration of language, but also a mystery that seeks to uncover where and how we managed to lose it so carelessly. It is also rather cleverly about story itself, and its component parts which, through their adventure *become* the story. Yet within THIS story lies a larger statement about the human condition, I felt. Along with language, it asks, have we also lost the ability to think, feel and emote in any meaningful way . Your use of the word “twat” for the human brain inside which the thoughts and letters reside, suggests yes….

There were so many literary references that came to me as I was reading; from Carroll, to Swift, through Orwell and Bunyon, (the latter in the subtly evangelical tone of the piece as well as the pilgrimage sentiment). It also reminded me, though, of David Foster Wallace’s “Infinite Jest”, in the way it played with language, its rather tortuous and meandering imagery and the fine honing of its controlling idea.

I loved the opening paragraph, incidentally. It had both lyricism and mystery about it but also that sense of sadness of a door closing on something abandoned.

It is really hard to try and offer constructive criticism on something which almost defies comparison to anything else I have read on the site. To do so would be to compare eggs to apples. Also, to say “you need to make it more commercial” seems to insult the authorial intent behind the book. I don’t know your motivations in writing this, Jim; whether it is for the sheer bloody-mindedness and challenge of getting your thoughts down on paper for yourself, (which I suspect was part of the reasoning), or whether you would like it to find a wider audience.

Just to play devil’s advocate, I would say that part of you wants it to reach out to others; as I said on another thread, a single voice doesn’t get very far in an empty room. With this in mind, I offer the following suggestions:

Now, I love the characters that you present. I think that Stopper and the commas and the other letters, etc, have a playfulness and a delight that brings them alive for me. I particularly like the idea of the number 8 making the letters, a,e, etc, redundant and have often had this thought myself when I see text messages from friends, etc. The fact that 8 then lies down and stretches out to make infinity I took as a statement that this was a slippery slope to the death of language as we know it.

Yet I need to say here and now: I AM NOT NORMAL. I READ THINGS THAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT READ.

To this end, I think that you might consider some kind of human framing device to the novel, whether it be an earlier personification of the human outside the brain, or whatever. Something that would give the reader a handle with which to hold the contents you have laboured so carefully to arrange for us. At the end of the day, we are all mainly still human, and as such, need something to empathise, sympathise, root for. I am not sure how much of this can be sustained for letters and punctuation marks apart from amongst the most purist of readers. And that is the perennial problem of ideas books; how to sustain reader interest. A more banal example can be given by my brother-in-law, who refused to cry at Toy Story 3 because he felt manipulated by the concept of shedding tears for toys. It stood in the way of his enjoyment. Now, arguably, you might be more disposed to shed tears at the death of language, but I doubt it. Not for the main.

My feeling that this had overtones of Carroll to it got me wondering if there was a way of making this more accessible by pushing forward the mystery element of the story and seeing it through the eyes of a child, much in the way that “Sophie’s World” did for philosophy. It could be argued that the younger generation are the ones most in danger of losing what we regard as “pure language” so perhaps a younger, cynical narrator who feels no affinity to the concept might be a good cipher.

As I write this I can just hear the shouts from the arena from people accusing me of standing in the way of progress and the evolution of language as it is spoken/used now, but to them I would say go back to your text messages….you can’t please all the people all the time, whatever style you write in, and I don’t think you would be afraid of their complaints, either. But for those who are amenable to listen to your message, Jim, I would say make it a little more accessible, even if it does mean slightly compromising your artistic vision.

I don’t want to give conventional nit picks, although I did laugh at the irony of some of your punctuation errors. But even these had a joy of sorts, and worked, with the rather dense narrative style, to further enhance your message of a world in linguistic chaos.

I don’t know; it’s late and I am going to try and read on, but these are my thoughts for the now. It will be interesting to hear what others have to say.

With best wishes,

Wiz

A Small Death

http://www.authonomy.com/books/38849/a-small-death/

All chapters updated

LF 40 Review

The only negative thing I can say about this is that it isn’t my cup of fur. The opening paragraph has got to be one of the most brilliant I’ve ever read. The wit weaves its way relentlessly through this lexical landscape with numerous laugh-out-loud swerves. Robust jubilant prose. One has the sense of a bunch of feisty academics throwing colored letters in the air and making up words and potential stories with the words before the letters fall to earth in a genial rain. So why isn’t it my cup of fur? Because, as I said in my review of another meticulously intelligent work—“The Book of the Forsaken”—I like warm complex painfully human characters to curl up with and if I’m going to read fun or mythical characters then they have to belong to the category of the beautiful and the damned. Husband, Hustler, or Hubris. I’m going to back this for awhile. I have a modicum of intelligence and anyone with a modicum of that elusive substance would back such an endeavor. It occurs to me that if this were an American work, it would be a Feminist novel.

Backed for the sheer bravery of the thing. Will read some later.

Huh--the concept sounds impossible, but it's entrancing. It does remind me of Kafka insofar as Kafka often wrote in the vein of parodying reason, or the unfurling, analytical mind, somehow. As an impossible high concept, it compares to Flatland, which you might know and love, if you party with scientist-types.

I know from ransacking the dear-departed fiction shelves of "Borders" that nothing experimental and interesting is boosted or attempted, much at all--which is not only aesthetically but commercially dubious, considering how fiscally DOA the competent dullards they publish tend to be. I'll let you know if I think of anything else helpful or insightful, at least. I might back this for experimental novelist-solidarity--the premise being there actually are pretty innovative and new works of literature that are being suppressed by the intellectual blank cartridges in publishing.

First off, love the cover.

Second, I’ll be reading further but I wanted to give you my feedback on chapter one.

Honestly, I was a bit intimidated by this book to begin with, but I was set at ease by your opening paragraph, which was lucid, and drew me in immediately. This is definitely a one of a kind story, fresh and innovative, rigorous and intellectually demanding, and most importantly , conceptually high brow. . I don’t think you have a very commercial book here, but you may have something that can garner a cult like following by linguistic lovers There were times later on in chapter one were I was confused, but there were also times that I smiled wide, like here .

“Yes, that crossword filling capital is kind of gliding over here and I’d like to escape before he gets us in his grid,” and

“ letters craned their necks, those that had them at least, effectively italicizing themselves,” as well as

“talk about having your cake and 8 it.”

“Humans are so selfish that most sentences start with a capital I.”

We get to know the characters quite well through dialogue but was is startling is how much we actually learn about human kind, our propensity for selfishness , narrow-mindedness, and lies, deception… I can tell this will be a highly intellectual and creative adventure for Stopper….

LF40 Review for Jim’s Book with the Long Title:

Notes; then a conclusion of sorts . . .

Should anti Kabala be hyphenated?

There are so many witty sentences. “O is so distraught that he split right down the middle! He looked like a pair of brackets containing nothing, disturbingly poetic,” is one fine example.

There are occasions where the odd comma might give your sentences clarity, for example:

“Nothing to do with us more or less correct but nothing brought us over after Zero brought us round as it were, after making us realise that what happens in one side of the brain is likely to have consequences in the other.”

Might be clearer as:

“Nothing to do with us more or less correct, but nothing brought us over after Zero brought us round, as it were, after making us realise that what happens in one side of the brain, is likely to have consequences in the other.”

Still feels a little long though.

For the most part your work is wonderfully poetic, but there is the odd occasion, as you would no doubt expect, when you lose clarity. But hey, I’m hanging onto your coat tails here, Jim!

Shouldn’t the character’s names, a, e, t etc. be in upper case? Oh, I guess we’re stuck in a bit of quagmire here . . . it probably is by design, but I’m still questioning it.

Stylistically, many of the passages, especially those following bizarre trails of rationale, are reminiscent of Lewis Carroll’s work. It’s worth noting that Carroll had Alice to provide a human focus within his ludicrous world, and the addition of a relatable character in your book might greatly increase its chances of, not only finding a publisher, but also keeping your reader on board for the duration of the journey. The central character thrown into this world might be a child, who initially dismisses literature/writing and thinks it might no longer be relevant in today’s world, or perhaps a college professor, worried about the deterioration of the English language. I think this is a point worth considering, Jim. It might even be a pivotal one.

As I read on there does seem to be a repetition of certain jokes. I think there is a need to frame your story, and indeed set-up the scene themselves; they feel as though they’re floating in the ether, and although this is entertaining at first, the reader might prefer a firmer hand and a stronger narrative.

There is much I admire about your work. I love how lyrical it is. But there are a few matters you need to address. The first is a punctuation edit. This isn’t my strong suit, granted, but there are a plethora of careless errors here, as I suspect you know. Take the time to sweep these up. It shouldn’t take too long. You also need consider a few fundamental questions as well. Maybe you’ve addressed them already, but I feel like I should put them to you because I really like your voice and I think you can present something even stronger if you take these points on board.

At the moment what we have here is a completely abstract world. It’s stimulating, it’s enjoyable, but the bedrock of any novel, the connection which will get you published and help sell your work, has to be an emotional one. I think you need a human character in this world. I think you would benefit from framing the abstract world before you enter into it. I guess the bottom line is, whether you are content writing for yourself, or whether you want to write for others. It’s something we all need to ask ourselves as we are all self-indulgent to a certain degree. What would be the product if you applied your wit and verve to a more conventional setting, Jim? I think you’d be on to a winner then.

Best Wishes

Iso Nuys

LF40 review.
Jim,
As with other readers I kept at this, more as a labour of love (which on your part I assume it is), than with relish.
I’ve only managed a couple of Chapters so, if you think your best writing comes after that, I’m sorry if I’ve missed the fireworks.
‘The perilous adventures of an unfulfilled full stop’ will be an acquired taste and not at all a commercial proposition. Which, given the literary fiction tag, is neither here not there. You’re obviously not trying to do something mainstream.
I can’t honestly see an agent or publisher taking on the project because it is simply so esoteric. As an alternative language primer/introduction to the history of language it is both fascinating and off putting. Anyone reading this, who knows about language, can only find being told what they already know, briefly entertaining. After a while it feels like listening to the same joke endlessly (but stylishly) told.

You’re witty, love language and write well so I’m loath to offer any specific criticism. I could say things like - whilst I loved the opening paragraph, the second seems to strain to impress – something you don’t do later on where the writing relaxes and is clear and simple. Or that, whilst the commas riff is hilarious, it holds things up and feels too clever.
It’s impossible to read this and judge it against other things on Authonomy because it so unique. Whilst that may be its selling point it might also be its fundamental weakness. I have no idea how anyone would begin to advise you on the overall handling of this piece as it is essentially as much about the artist as about the content.

This is a brilliant tour de force and I feel better for the experience. I wish you all the best with the project.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

This reminded me, in some strange way, of Gulliver's Travels. Mayuscula and minuscula blended together to give a picture of something completely different which wasn't even mentioned.

Spotter, you said it yourself...words are just falling into place, meanings sprouting all over and tales grow of daring deeds and long felt needs.

I just love literary fiction, with time... it kind of grows on you.

LF40 Review
Chapter 8
This is an exciting chapter with a lot of action and characterisation. Having read the first seven chapters and found them difficult, the book suddenly seemed to come alive for me at this point. Stopper's character had always been strong but the rest of the letters and numbers were a bit nebulous. Then along came Red the magnificent, piratical r and the interraction between him and Stopper worked well for me. I also found some humour in the Humpy Dumpty paste users.
The following comments are more to do with style than anything. I know I am being very critical but you have an interesting and orginal book here, and into which you have put a lot of effort.For me it was a shame that certain points marred my reading and took me, temporarily, out of the narrative. It may be that at some points I have missed your sense if humour, so I apologise if that is the case.
You do need to look carefully throughout at your punctuation.

'It was all down to perception he realised and then suddenly he realised ' - repetition of realised.

'So why were they supporting the numbers in keeping all things horizontal at bay when not only was the horizontal essential for the well being of all letters and no amount of treatment at the Ink Well would compensate for it either, why were they damaging themselves.' Needs a full stop at 'either' and a new sentence.

'Stopper sought out some letters to find out where they were headed where he found out..' repetition of 'where'

'Stopper saw that whenever letters approached, that there was some kind of semantic drive' - maybe omit on of the 'that's?

typo 'or at least wit(h) a bit more of a gap..'

'So much for perspective thought Stopper, this could be interesting he thought.' - second 'he thought could be omitted.

Tense change in the paragraph starting 'Stopper looked shocked' - 'but the use of a ghost in sentencing meant that as the ghost cannot extend beyond itself and therefore cannot achieve empathy..' - should be 'could not.'

'Semantic paste, created by some kind of acoustic vibrations that tear(s) the extended empathetic proximity apart, this paste is what's left when the field fails.' - I would suggest a full stop and new sentence after 'apart'.

'Just then s arrived with one of the shop staff and having overheard what a had just said, said that..' - this is somewhat clumsy and could just read 'having overheard a'.

'Stopper was told by s that he must apologise.' - I wasn't clear who had to apologise, s or Stopper.

'fondness' - 'fontness'?

'Stopper remembered that f was (a) worker.

'Finding a way to keep f quiet for long enough to get the idea of selling into his head, as it turned out that was what he wanted to be anyway, he had always thought he would make a natural salesman, well now he finally had a chance.' - This seemed an incomplete sentence to me. I think it needs something like 'Finding a way to keep f quiet for long enough to get the idea into his head was not difficult, as it turned out...'

Typo - Of(f) you go.

'they climbed up onto the desk and there they all so the bottle waiting for them' - 'saw'

Typo - the commas positioned themselves (in) the optimum defensive points

'If I was (were?) to stop the few sentences left here, we would be left here..' repetitive.

In the paragraph starting 'So none of the numbers or capitals heeded the commas..' you, need a full stop after 'attention' otherwise the sentence does not make sense.

'Stopper knew that this constant addition and multiplication and the constant use of comparison, less than and more than modifiers with the diminishing Zero use of equals sign' - again I feel this sentence lacks a verb somewhere?

What did I like about this chapter? As I said above, the characterisation and the action. Also
'just so last paragraph' and the commas out to revenge the eating of their friends' tails.

LF40. There are so many reasons why I should love this but by the end of chapter one I found I was skimming. I get the humour, the pedantry, and the wordy cleverness is both entertaining and, well, clever. Perhaps that's the problem: I like the idea. It's a big ask, however, to hold a reader's attention when there is so little background information, scene-setting etc. It feels like a one trick pony. Like watching the ball fly round the pinball machine at times. A lot of the dialogue is explanatory, occasionally confusing. I'm missing an encompassing narrative voice. Brilliant and frustrating then...

(There was more to this critique but I've just deleted it.)

chapter 3 split into 2, so now 17 chapters altogether.

Loving the title of this.

The cover is a bit…lacking. Like the title and the author’s name, for example.

Short Pitch: This doesn’t make me want to read it. It doesn’t really even tell me what it is about. It only tells me what you think of it. “Highly original” indeed!

Long Pitch:

So Stopper the full stop in the title – So, Stopper, the full stop in the title, is asked to investigate…

‘to Murmurs, to e’s…-- do you mean ‘two’? Otherwise, I don’t get this part.

And on the the Scream – is the second ‘the’ intentional?

Well, as cute and funny as I found your long pitch, I am confused by it.

Oh, Literary Fiction…how you mess with my head.

Alright, I read three chapters, but have no clue what to write here as a comment.

While I found the chapters amusing and witty, without a doubt, I couldn’t see myself reading a whole novel like this. And as I read, I continued to wonder, what’s the point?

That said, I think you’ve done a unique thing with the written word (get it? A bit of a joke!) This certainly has merit, because it thinks outside the box.

I did notice several punctuation and grammatical errors, but I think that’s expected of any manuscript on Authonomy. Still, some of them seemed careless and could be easily amended:

And making his way to the bar began scanning for nothing. – and, making his way to the bar, began scanning for nothing.

‘Stopper’, a female voice purred into his ear…-- “Stopper,” a female voice purred into his ear.

Zero, he breathed as she turned and revealed herself at last. “Zero,” he breathed as she turned and revealed herself at last.

‘Zero’, Stopper asked, -- ‘Zero,’ Stopper asked.

I really feel cleaning up the punctuation and these things would make it more readable.

Also, some of the repetition sort of bothered me, but I wondered if it was intentional, still, I think it wasn’t needed, for example:

…and moist breath…breathlessly, her breath was enough…Zero, he breathed…

In one paragraph there are four ‘breath’ references.

Now, this isn’t an easy read which is both good and bad. Good in the sense that you have book that will make people think, bad in the sense that people will probably get discouraged because they just don’t ‘get it’.

I can’t offer too much feedback on this, because I don’t really know what to say.

The real joy of reading this comes in the subtle humour throughout. It is a as simple as the lead singer number 8 singing a self penned song about the last time he lay down with a very special number 1 called infinitely yours. (Infinite, an eight on its side is the infinity sign) I think people will miss this sort of subtleness.

I think you need to consider your chapter lengths. It felt very daunting plugging my way through them. Especially chapter three which seemed to go on forever. Perhaps cutting them down would help.

Other than those things, even though I wouldn't buy this, and I don't think I could make it thorugh a whole book of it, because it is just a bit much for me, I think it is a fantastic idea and humerous.

Anyways, I wish you luck with this and I hope you find some good feedback.

T.L Tyson – The Reign of Billie Blackwater

Jim,
The Perilous Adventures of an Unfulfilled Full Stop is an amusing account with a cast of characters unlike anything I've ever come across in fiction. This could lead to a long classroom discussion at the high school or university level. It's a deep analysis presented in a unique way which is entertaining and very insightful.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

LF40 RLF40
I have to say that this book is not the sort of thing I would normally read. Having said that, I did read to chapter 7 but then began to flag a little. In fact came to a full stop. It was all too dense for me and a bit unrelenting. However, this is only my humble opinion. There is a need for some edits regarding grammar (ironically enough) but not that many.

I feel sorry that I couldn't continue with it as I am aware that it is highly original and extremely clever. I did understand what you were doing and could make the links to a comment on Society but it was just too much hard work for my rather flighty brain.

I do wish you succes with this and apologise for feeling unable to write a more in depth review.
Fontaine.

LF40 Review -

I was drawn to read this book because I love Jasper Fforde's work and I take my hat off to anyone who can play with language in that way. I wish I could.

Not sure I loved the use of the word "metaphorical" in the first paragraph - it seems a bit too deliberate or self-conscious.

I have only read the first chapter so far, but frankly it was all I was able to get through in one sitting. I really really like what you are trying to do here, but I wanted more characterization - the dialogue was a bit much - without description, I felt lost. Perhaps you could give your "characters" physical traits - make them more real. As a reader, I found it hard to relate to or care about them because they felt one-dimensional. I think if there was a bit more description and personal attributes were applied to the "people" in your novel, it would be a lot easier to follow and a lot more enjoyable to read.

I hope to read more soon.

- Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

LF40 continuation read

Am now reading this with more than half a brain to see if things are easier to digest at an intellectual level.

Chapter 3

Much more accessible beginning than the previous two chapters. I still came across moments of what I consider unbridled didacticism, however. For example, “ e is the most ubiquitous of all the vowels and, as a consequence [,] is by far the greatest contributor of the extended empathetic proximity system.” Does the tone and style of this sentence really fit into the established flow of the rest of this chapter?

Notwithstanding the intentional playing with commas before “Stop”, there are still noticeable punctuation irregularities throughout the chapter that would benefit from tightening up.

In the second paragraph you use “purred” twice in the same sentence. I would suggest that “she purred” is redundant given that we already know that she is a she and she is purring.

To my mind, there is a pace and a story to this chapter that I haven’t found in the earlier two. The characters start to fill out a little and they begin to develop more overtly human attributes, which are likely to make them more attractive to many readers. There is a story that can more easily be followed and which encourages the reader to read on and turn pages. Likewise, the more colloquially accessible dialogue is more likely to engage readers.

I was entertained by the interaction of Stopper and Zero and I really liked the comedic references to Freud and Jung.

General

This is a unique and distinctive book. I appreciate the thought that has gone into it and its cleverly crafted construction, BUT I think if you have to justify why the first chapters are so “chewy” you are likely to find attracting a publisher heavy going.

Had you thought of beginning the book with this chapter and then gradually intertwining the themes and incidents of chapters 1 and 2 as back story and asides?

I also come back to the question of who is your audience? Are you intending to do an adult “Sophie’s World” for linguistics and the language of political communication, or are you aiming for a limited niche market of cognoscenti? If the former, than increasing accessibility to the concepts via the language used in the book itself remains a key issue, in my opinion. If the latter, you may need to ask yourself how much you want this book to be published by a mainstream publisher?

As ever, these are just my thoughts. I am sure others will disagree with them. I am just grateful that I have reclaimed sufficient of my brain to have thoughts about anything! Please excuse me, therefore, if I have let them run a bit too free.


J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

For future readers there are various themes in this book and one thread is concerning communication. The 5 A meeting at the start is written to mimic the union meetings of the seventies, where the language was somewhat tortured and twisted around what they were actually trying to say, you get clearer ideas from Stoppers conversations. The first part is in essence the set up and the warnings. The second part is the consequence of ignoring those warnings, which is pretty much where we are now. The third part is the fight back.I hope this helps.

Also a word in you ear re 'a word in your rear'. This is not a typo, it does in fact serve 3 functions, 1: it looks like a mistake so you notice it; 2: it's a joke; 3: it quietly introduces the perspective of the sentence.

Chapter 1 updated to put quotation mark at beginning and re structure first paragraph in the 5A meeting.

LF40 Review

Chapter 1
A brave opening paragraph – must be the longest sentence for a long time. Why do you end the paragraph with a quotation mark, when it doesn’t appear to be a quotation?

Ironically, you may want to do a punctuation edit. There are quite a few glitches. For example it should read, “What did you think of the show, Stopper?”

Did you mean to write “A word in your rear” as opposed to “ear”?

The opening paragraphs were wryly amusing, but I started to get bogged down in things during “The first quintuple A meeting”. Some of the paragraphs were very dense and chewy and I found myself losing the will to live despite, or perhaps because, I have studied linguistics in the past. Indeed, if I am honest, I found most of the rest of chapter one more chewy than entrancing. Very clever, at times quite subtle, but not very reader friendly. I shall, however, read on.

Chapter 2
Punctuation still has its problems. Parts of this are very amusing and made me smile. It is certainly very clever.

Conclusion
This is clever, surreal, but, alas, not for me. Possibly I’m not in the right frame of mind to read this; my concentration is limited as I am dealing with an adult bout of chicken pox. As interesting and intriguing as much of this is, I found my concentration wandering. I couldn’t get into it fully and, given its subject matter, I found the punctuation typos really galling.

The book obviously has it’s fans, but I did start to wonder who its audience might be. It’s literary and linguistic leanings will not be to everybody’s taste and it isn’t very reader friendly. Not dumbing down is to be applauded, but in my current, brain-dead state I would have appreciated a little more accessibility.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

Ah yes accessibility, if only that was easy. The trouble is I'm trying to take the reader into a world where the letters and punctuation marks are the characters and I can't think of any other way of doing it, and setting up the narrative, than I have done. Honestly if you, or anyone else for that matter could point a better way I'd surely try it, but you want a world you have to make it. It should be rear by the way. The comma preceding Stopper at the end of a sentence is omitted if the combination of the preceding word makes another word, thus retaining ambiguity. Th first paragraph is a quote the first quotation mark is missing

LF40 Review

Chapter 1
A brave opening paragraph – must be the longest sentence for a long time. Why do you end the paragraph with a quotation mark, when it doesn’t appear to be a quotation?

Ironically, you may want to do a punctuation edit. There are quite a few glitches. For example it should read, “What did you think of the show, Stopper?”

Did you mean to write “A word in your rear” as opposed to “ear”?

The opening paragraphs were wryly amusing, but I started to get bogged down in things during “The first quintuple A meeting”. Some of the paragraphs were very dense and chewy and I found myself losing the will to live despite, or perhaps because, I have studied linguistics in the past. Indeed, if I am honest, I found most of the rest of chapter one more chewy than entrancing. Very clever, at times quite subtle, but not very reader friendly. I shall, however, read on.

Chapter 2
Punctuation still has its problems. Parts of this are very amusing and made me smile. It is certainly very clever.

Conclusion
This is clever, surreal, but, alas, not for me. Possibly I’m not in the right frame of mind to read this; my concentration is limited as I am dealing with an adult bout of chicken pox. As interesting and intriguing as much of this is, I found my concentration wandering. I couldn’t get into it fully and, given its subject matter, I found the punctuation typos really galling.

The book obviously has it’s fans, but I did start to wonder who its audience might be. It’s literary and linguistic leanings will not be to everybody’s taste and it isn’t very reader friendly. Not dumbing down is to be applauded, but in my current, brain-dead state I would have appreciated a little more accessibility.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

I've returned to this now that I have more time to concentrate and fully appreciate the deeply witty work that this is. As I read I couldn't help but wonder if you aren't really Stephen Fry masqurading as someone else. Your clever use of language in talking about language :), is so well crafted that I could think of no one else who could master such wit. The semantics of semantics, so finely honed and so allegorical for many aspects of western culture. The structure of the plot which hangs on Stopper, the really only remaining full stop (one wonders how the author would play with the American "period") moves at a good cracking pace towards the conflict arc to battle evil. It's classic hero's journey but what would be better for the quest to save a language, or the world from exploitation by big business? On other levels this work shows how we brutalize our language and how we/it suffers for it as our communication with others is often misunderstood because of our own ignorance or theirs. That we brazenly sieze and modify our language and words and others, which is one of our main assets as humans, and use it to selfish or exploitive purposes is so cleverly played out here that I wonder how many will appreciate its subtlety. This is almost too good for a platform like authonomy and I can only hope that others will be able to appreciate its sheer beauty of language play as well as the allegorical message behind it. Highiest stars. I will never regard punctuation marks so lightly again. Kristin

I've read most of chapter one and realized this is far too witty and clever to read on lunch break at work, so I'll just have to finish it on the weekend. A unique and wildly funny satire, I found this amazing. Do I detect the workings of parliament with such phrases like "fullstops and letters don't communicate," and other wonderful sentences. This is the powers above-- the senseless babble and posturing we so recognize in western society (and the world). Communication is what helps humans function in the world and it can make or break relationships between people, cultures and countries. This is a lesson about that.

Only caught one little nit-- and even then who can be sure that's what it is. In the sentence you wrwite "Is this you're doing Stopper?" Asked d. "You're" should be "your" and the A in asked should be small letter. But who knows -- with something as clever and witty as this it might have been your intention. I love this. Kristin

Wow! This is great! The only thing I could say is I found the first chapter a little hard to follow, but I'm sooo glad i kept reading. The concept is brilliant, it's well written and I love it.

You've taken 'characters' to a whole new level here. An excellent idea.

Added to WL just on fifth sentence, page 56! :-)

Nice one J, pg 56 is the first interlude and leads to the Amygdala, which leads to Acronym City which is the more Kafakaesque part, the first part is more Lewis Carroll.

Added to WL just on fifth sentence, page 56! :-)

Jim, a quick word in your rear.
This is mad and brilliant all rolled into one.
Who would of thought of such a story, where all the letters and numbers are trying to put the broken up words together, using the Humpty paste?
I haven't read it all but I did want to tell you that this is great.
If someone smart out there catches this they should offer you a publishing deal.
Very clever indeed... and you said you were a miserable so and so, well you might be, but you're a very good writer.

:)
Christina
Take a Sick Break

Clever times 10.

It's rare that a book makes my sides and my brain hurt at the same time.

laughing and thinking, that's what satire is all about.

Thank you for treating your readers as if we have a fully functioning language center, and are capable of discerning the levels you have written into your story. No matter what people may say to you on this site, NEVER dumb it down!

This book is so up my alley, I'll be reading more this weekend, and will provide a more competent comment, as soon as my brain gets into weekend mode mode.

- The Perilous Adventus of an Unfulfilled Full Stop -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

Good Good, how on Earth am I supposed to give a crit on this? The pitch says 'original' but with that the author has taken understatement to a whole new level.

Punctuation, letters and numbers as characters. Incredible wit and some fantastic dialogue. It's like some heady mix of Jasper Fforde, Noam Chomsky and Vic and Bob.

I cracked up throughout this. How could I not when a full stop catches a dotted line home, when letters lean forward 'effectively italicising themselves', and where the MC converses with inverted commas on the way to the apostrophe shop?

The dialogue in chapter three is absolutely hilarious.

This is genius.

I have the feeling this is literary Marmite. People will either love it or hate it. It will either be rejected outright for publication or sell tons because of how it there it is.

No denying the talent on display though.

The only consuctive thing I'll attempt is to say that some of the sentences in chapter one, particularly at the start are a bit overlong and I got a bit lost in the reading. Chapter one in general was more of a challenge than what followed.

Brilliant though.

All the best with it,

Ross

Brave decision starting with just dialogue, without telling us anything about who's speaking or where they are. I'm not sure if it works - I'm not saying it doesn't - just not sure!
I love the characterisation of the letters - the letters craning their necks, italicising themselves. This is a fabulous idea for a book and I for one would definitely pick it up in a bookshop. The long paragraphs feel quite long and complex, but then I'm sleep deprived today so you can probably ignore that. Hope this does well for you - would love to to hear a HC opinion on it!

The Perilous Adventures of an Unfulfilled Full Stop.
By Jim Barrass.

A remarkable book…a joy to read…a laugh a minute and a learning phase.
It must have taken a lot of thinking about before putting this to paper, it wouldn’t be easy.
You have done a great job.
It came over to me as a bit like ‘Alice in wonderland’…I like it very much.
Some excellent lines:-
…A comma coughed slightly loudly bringing f to a pause…
There are many such as this …brilliant stuff!
Sorry to say there are a couple of typo’s, but nothing much.

‘Stopper said to t, who was sitting to his left, why would you have your cake and not eat it?’ ( Quotes mixed up with speech tags.)
( Stopper said to t who was sitting to his left, ‘why would you have your cake and not eat it?’)
...The thing is Stopper;… (‘The thing is, Stopper…) missing quote and comma.
…’The Idea is that we use you as bait Stopper’… Comma after bait.
…’You’re not backing out now are you Stopper?’… Comma after you.
…’That’s a good point Stopper’… Comma after point.
…’How do you think Stopper?... Comma after think.
There are a few cases of these same errors when referring to a person in speech.
I’m Just trying to be helpful, Jim. Certainly not critical friend.
I really enjoyed reading the first chapter.
This is a book that’s littered with humor. I will come back for more…Well done!
Many stars for this.

Thanks for backing my book, I really appreciate it.

Kind regards,

Neville Kent. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE.