Maher

I have read 2 chapters and although it took me sometime to get into the story I found that once I had got into it its very good. you have an interesting plot and some good characters. In chapter two I found the interaction between Samual and Maher very well written. I think with a few tweeks you have yourself a good piece of writing here. On my watchlist.

BHCG reviev. Maher.
Hi, I found this difficult to read without constantly stopping in attempts to make sense of the metaphorical imagery. Please accept this as honest feedback. Due to only reading Chapter 1, I do not expect a return read but obviously if you wanted to...

I'm okay with the pitches - gives me some idea of what to expect but not too exciting/promising.

I struggled with this due a number of reasons.
I don't understand the quote therefore have difficulty attempting to apply it in any way to the first few paras or chapter. (But that's my fault, maybe I should read Shapespeare).
The wind - pouring and flooding - the skies - ghostly howls. Difficult to imagine all these elements focused on the metal wreck. However, if this is your literary style - I apologise.
maybe 'it caused, it threw, it scattered across,' the land.
Would Mrs Merton leave her washing on the line overnight?
What rattled mischeviously? Rattle x 2. What are 'happy' blue shutters. ( maybe rephrase to allow the reader to imagine your pov).
lay on awake. (on her bed, in her bed awake?).
'The Guest House was empty. (Maybe leave it at that).
Why refer to her husband as Mr Merton? (Is this a clue that she has committed bigamy?)
'She had not been without.' (therefore she was WITH. Double negative).
A sleepy fishing village of 'little consequence.' ( meaning? and if so, to who?).
The first sentence in Para.2 needs re-arranging/punctuation.
You begin first two sentences with same words, 'The Storm.'
The storm gave a malevolent. smile.(Flowery language. Could you describe this so that the reader sees a smile?).
Fear of the storm? (Maybe if at sea, but on land?).
The incidence of people coming to Donaghmore to die. Are there more coming?
If the old man was too old to travel by car the he certainly couldn't have walked. His son would have left him in the car. (If his son is trying to kill the old man off later - then okay.).
The village is of little consequance but - it is now popular with tourists and has an attractive coast line.
Light/lighting - fearful stack of logs. (In what way are they fearful?).
The sentence reads as if Samuel is sinking into two squashy chairs.
Did Mrs Merton actually make any tea?
Strange behaviour opening soemone's jewel box. Even more stranger as the frightened/nervous Mrs Merton does not object.
best of luck with this.

Chris

Hi, there—this is a BHCG review from AudreyB. The rumors are true: I am accompanied on my crits by my English-teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. She’s picky.

The first sentence of your SP feels generic to me. “There is always…” is weak. “you turn to” is weak. The SP should be vigorous and grab the reader by the throat to pull them into the story.

There is always one person you turn to when everything's falling apart; but can you really trust them? Are they who they appear to be?

There is also a current thread in the forums on writing great pitches that you might want to visit.

The LP reads like a summary. Here’s what I’d recommend…

When he is reunited with a childhood friend, Samuel will discover something really interesting & astonishing. The quiet seaside town of Donaghmore active verb! Juicy noun! when a local girl goes missing. Suspicion is cast upon the outsiders (say who the outsiders are), and Samuel finds himself caught between loyalty and the law. When it seems like Samuel has become the main suspect, he and Maher devise a plan to disappear, but it was never going to be straight forward and now another death may just be IN the cards.

Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum
I think the first paragraph is too long. It could be split between the wind and Mrs. Merton.

It’s odd to me that she would keep her valuables on the mantel where guests can steal them.

I’m also puzzled by Samuel’s trip into town to drink at the pub. His father is alone back at the guest house. It seems like a man accompanying a fragile relative would stick with him. Or take him along. And it also seems Samuel would be concerned with getting a mechanic to go out and retrieve his car.

Later, I’m further puzzled by the old woman in the boat. Is she real or an apparition? And how does the younger woman appear? He merely steps forward and goes under, so she should have been visible to him all along. And why does he ask, “What is this place?” Does it mean he’s never been there? That also struck me as odd because I thought the bits about Mahler implied that he’d lived there as a boy.
Pacing – too much backstory or too little
I’m reading an awful lot about the house and precious little about the main character. I often will go through my first few thousand words and highlight everything that is vital to the early action. Then I go back and move anything not highlighted to later parts of the story.

The pacing is further slowed by the tendency toward wordiness: “This particular day was a day of darkness…” as well as a tendency toward using passive verbs. You have great diction, so I’m sure you could apply that talent to your choice of verbs as well.

Characters/Characterization
I learned too little about the characters reading the first two chapters.

Point of View/Voice
Omniscient POV, which works well with this style.

Style – very subjective but good to know if it works or not for the reader
You have a lovely, almost poetic style of writing. One of the hazards of this style is the tendency to use too many words. I recommend reading these sentences aloud to verify that you are achieving the lovely rhythm you’re striving for without adding too many needless words. The paragraph describing the power and wealth of the two men as contrasted with their current circumstances loses its oomph because of these excessive words.

Sentence level – grammar, repetitive structure, wordiness, unneeded phrases etc
How does wind pour? “…furthest thing…” should just be “farthest.” There’s a bit too much telling in the backstory of Mrs. Merton. Maybe just cut that she felt vulnerable because she was an old woman. Then add one word or perhaps two to indicate her age. Instead of “all their lives” consider “…since (and event that occurred seventy years ago).” You use this technique effectively when you describe Samuel’s father.

“…two tiny figures battled.” I expected to read about two animals fighting after reading this image. The men are neither tiny nor battling.

You could delete “…so to be woken…”

“…the storm and it’s fury…” ITS

“…the storm did not it justice…”

Dialogue
There’s not much dialogue to review. I am surprised that Samuel and Maher don’t talk more when they visit the bar. If one is the person to whom one can always turn (as indicated in the pitches), then I would expect some conversation.

Best wishes to you!
~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

There’s much to like about this, Faina. Some of the phrasing is wonderful (I particularly liked ‘a curl of cats’ and the idea of Mr S making the most of his retirement by moving to Ireland to die!!). The sense of place is also cleverly evoked. And the idea of a modern twist on a classic, almost Dickensian murder mystery is both interesting and, in many ways, original.

I do think, however, that the opening chapters need quite a bit of work. The prose feels rather overwritten, overwrought almost, with an ornate, slightly flashy style which really doesn’t involve me as a reader. I imagine you’re trying to evoke a dark, gothic atmosphere but, for me, it doesn't quite work. Much of the imagery/character observations feel rather melodramatic, almost hammy and end up distancing me from the narrative. Similarly, the dialogue feels far too stiff and self-consciously profound. I do like the idea of the novel, Faina but, as it stands, the elaborate, florid language and stagy dialogue prevents me from becoming fully immersed in the story.

Sorry to sound so negative. Thanks and best of luck. Andrew


I made some notes as I went along on chapter 1. Feel free to ignore:

Nothing against the quotation you’ve chosen, but I really don’t like literary quotations at the start of novels. It feels like the author is trying to ride on the coattails of the original author??

‘the wind gushed’ – ‘gushed’ feels like a rather ‘wet’ word for wind??

‘made do with havoc it could cause on the land’ – a little clunky?? maybe ‘made do with causing havoc on land’??

Not particularly keen on pairing virile with vindictive!!

I don’t think the rattling gate/child and church fence simile quite works?? There’s too much going on?? Maybe just compare the wind to a child rattling a gate or dragging a stick along a metal fence??

Repetition of rattled/rattle.

‘Mrs Merton’ does make me think of the Caroline Ahearn character??

I don’t think you need to identify Mrs M’s husband as Mr Merton??

Love the line about Mr M wanting to make the most of his retirement by dying in Ireland!!

This is a very long opening para. Maybe try and split up a little??

‘two tiny figures battled’ – battled what? each other? the wind?

‘like a cat does a mouse’ – cliché?? ditto ‘wily ways’??

Some of the language, while very evocative, does feel a bit overly dramatic (torture, victims, knights, warrior, fear etc) Maybe tone it down slightly??

‘from whence he came’ – cliché?

I really like the Mac/Marilyn’s skirts analogy.

Are men ‘plump’?? Maybe 'stout' or simply ‘fat’??

‘enviable [not envious] possessions’??

‘so to be woken’ – I don’t understand this??

‘tremor’ - ??

Words like ‘Tonight’ and ‘Outside’ at the start of sentences, need to be followed by a comma.

‘its [not it’s] fury…’

The shift from the intensity of the storm scene to a rather sedate, slightly info-dumpy description of the cottage does feel a bit abrupt?? Also, given that, as we later learn, it’s still the middle of the night and the storm is still raging, such a detailed description doesn’t feel appropriate??

I like the image of the old, weather-beaten dragon. Ditto ‘curl of cats’.

I think you do with some dialogue (eg when Mrs M opens the door to the men, lets them in etc) to break up the rather detailed, dense prose??

Why doesn’t Mrs M go back to bed after letting the men in??

Given the storm/darkness etc, how does S know the fireplace is built of the same stone as the outside of the house??

‘The photos were all of people he did not know…’ – would he expect anything else in a stranger’s house??

The dialogue doesn’t feel very natural?? It has a portentous, rather stagy feel??

Again, watch out for clichés/stock phrases (eg was a far cry, sat bolt upright, as clear as day etc) They rather undermine the realism of the narrative.

‘wraithlike portrait of himself’ – POV-wise, this jars?? Also, the Dorian Grey reference is a bit clumsy/obvious??

I don’t really see why it’s remarkable that S remembers the name of someone he’s known half his life??

BHCG review.

Both pitches piqued my interest. I wonder whether the LP would be easier to read if you started a new paragraph after ‘more than he ever wanted to know.’

Plot – opening... I have to admit you’d have lost me in the first chapter. This may well be me taking too long to appreciate your style, but if I’d picked it up in a bookshop, I probably would have put it down again. This it would have been a pity, but because as I read further, I loved it. However I did go back to it once I’d read more, and I still feel the first chapter needs reworking.

Pace. I enjoyed the back stories, but again, they might be rather long for so early in the book.

Characters. I’m certainly involved with them. I don’t have much idea of Samuel’s father, but perhaps I don’t need it. Samuel and Maher are both well drawn, and their differences create a good tug-o-war effect. I particularly enjoyed the dialogue between Samuel and Niav in Ch7.

POV. Once again, I needed to get past the first chapter to get involved. After that, Samuel’s viewpoint seems totally appropriate. He seems to spend a lot of time slightly off balance.

Style. Funny, evocative, colourful... You’ve got a wonderful turn of phrase (loved Samuel’s first walk in the country) and an ability to set the scene. I did get lost in some of the sentences (rather long) and you’ve used semicolons rather a lot. It might be easier to read if you had a sentence break instead.

Style and story both strike me as highly original. Quirky, if you’ll excuse the word. I do think it’s overwritten in parts and need some careful editing, but who doesn’t at this stage? All the best with it. It deserves to do well.

Have finally got round to reading most of what is on here. I love the setting, the premise and the general atmmosphere, but in the first chapter or two, i felt it was a bit laboured, a bit over-done and over-written. I also have to echo earlier sentiments about starting with a description of weather. If i were you, I'd jettison that right away, as i think it'll put a lot of people off.
I think this is one of those books that simply needs a good editing. The story, the characters, for the most part the dialogue, it's all there, the makings of a great book, you just need to let them breath. Parre it down a bit. For me, the story and dialogue are the main things, great lyrical prose is nice, but if it doesn't help the story or character development, i can do without it (but this is my own punk-rock style approach to writin, if that goes against what your aesthetic is, then ignore me). I note you're a big Coetzee fan. Have another look at Disgrace. He writes beautifully, but never over-writes, his internal monologues in particular.
This will stay on my WL and i'd love to read a rewrite if you get round to doing one. For now, high stars!

This is a BHCG crit.

Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum
Nice, clean writing and wonderful atmospherics, but what has the scene of the storm and the widow to do with the main character? Openings with the weather are very overused and are likely to turn editors/agents away. This is also an omniscient opening and that style is very much out of favor. The problem here is that the reader is looking down on the scene and events from above and is not connected to the main character. Without such a connection a reader is unlikely to want to continue, which would be sad.

Perhaps have a look at Samuels clothing. He takes off his boots when entering the cottage and then he is wearing Italian leather brogues very shortly after. Does he change? I got no clue they were carrying luggage in the storm.

From the title and the blurb, this is about Maher and Samuel, but there isn’t a handle on either of them. The point of view skips from one character and happening to another and thus messes with the flow and the momentum.

Pacing – too much backstory or too little
There is too much backstory for non-essential characters. Who is the book about? Not the landlady as far as I can see, so why give her an elaborate backstory? This steers the focus away from the main characters.

Characters/Characterization
Very well drawn in some respects and lacking in others. Samuel brings his dying father to Ireland and then proceeds to ignore his existence in favor of drinking bouts with Maher, wandering round lakes and sleeping with a chance acquaintance he subsequently murders. Samuel and his father are also described as Englishmen, despite the father having lived in Ireland until Samuel was sixteen. They would have the Irish lilt in their voices, not the Northern accent.

I also get the impression of several characters coming to the same small township in Ireland. There is the landlady and her late husband, who also came to Ireland to die. The pub landlady, who is from Liverpool and divorced, and then Samuel and his dying father. Just a very small point here, as I had a friend that did this. When a person buys a dwelling/property in Ireland, or at least Eire, it is not possible to sell up and get the money out of the country again. The money may be invested in Eire, or the property rented out, but the money is a prisoner, excepting for the rent and the income from the shares.

Point of View/Voice
Omniscient point of view is not in favor right now and hasn’t been for a goodly number of years. The problem is that it tends to tell the reader what is happening rather than show. The emotions and the connection to the main character becomes tenuous as a result.

Sentence level – grammar, repetitive structure, wordiness, unneeded phrases etc
Adverbs should be used in extreme moderation excepting in dialog. They tell the reader what to think instead of showing them what is happening. Also, some words don’t particularly lend themselves to adverbs, such as conceitedly, which reads clunky.

Watch for repetition. (had hurried to light a fire by lighting a rolled up newspaper). Light/Lighting echo and also, a fire wouldn’t catch like this unless the paper were dipped in something flammable. The usual way to light, using a newspaper, is to scrunch up loose balls of paper and on them stack tightly rolled sticks of paper folded in triangles. On this can go the smaller pieces of wood and then slightly larger pieces. A decent log wouldn’t be added until there was some glowing red.

Dialogue (Don’t worry, pal.) I can’t see this being said in the depths of an Irish countryside. Pal is an Americanism.

Generally, I love the premise and the obvious skill with writing. My questions are:
Where is the threat? The murder comes out of the blue and there doesn't seem much concern at the possible consequences.
How did they get rid of all the blood on the sheets and soaking through the mattress?
What is the connection between Maher and Samuel?

While the descriptions are outstanding, they are also a sensory overload. Less is more. Too much setting will bury the plot and the action of the characters.

Hope this helps. I will be putting it on my watchlist.

Hi.
This is a BGH crit.

Okay, particulars and a broad view at the end.

Plot - interesting and unusual, it made me curious.

Pacing - It might be said that the pace can sometimes be unvarying. I felt it could have varied especially in chapter one. By the time we got to the guest house, I wanted some action, or movement. There was a very long bit where she was deciding whether or not to answer the door that I felt could have been cut a bit. The language is so rich and evocative (more later) that I almost felt that I needed to take a breather. The sentences here especially are quite long and perhaps some shorter ones, to vary the pace and tension might have given me that.

Characters/isation - well, picaresque? I don't know. Some great characters here and all drawn very individually and with their own savour about them. You build them through not just description but mannerism and thoughts so that they are very rounded.

Dialogue - This is very good, beleivable and realistic - the exchange over the dead girl in the bed was wonderful. Nothing wasted.

Sentence level - a wonderful mix of literary, funny, sensory, complicated, old fashioned and epic.

Originality - I must say, this is very different from many things I have read on this site. It's very hard to pin down, or put in a nutshell, and that's hard to achieve.

Okay. Some people would say that they don't think a book should start with descriptive passages, but for this book I think it's the only way. You are introducing something that is out of the ordinary, larger than life, and outside the ordinary, so the massive storm, with all its evocative, lively language and description is the perfect start as we are blown to the guest house and introduced to Mrs. Merton. This beginning is both serious, sometimes then has a YA flavour, then it is weird and spooky and then again, very funny in parts. It's like riding the storm itself.

From the start things are unsettling and unsettled. The atmsphere where he finds the ring, the room where he listens at the door and then the appearance of his friend outside for no good reason create a read that is more than words on a page. I was happy to read on - almost all of it, I think I have yet to read five and six, but will tomorrow. We don't know quite why Maher is there - and why is he squatting on the end of the bed? And how did the girl die? It's all very mysterious and bizaare and there is an air of never quite knowing what will come next.

After the stormy arrival in chapter one, we go back in chapter two, to see the two boys. Even here things don't seem quite normal, and we are not sure why they don't meet again, or just who Maher is. he seems more than a normal boy somehow.

Some lovely use of langauge and imagery - I loved 'a circus of noise' 'a suspicion of footsteps.' the houses 'fallen from the pocket of their creator.' etc.

Couple of typos ? In the pub the girl says to her mother 'honestly mam, sometimes I think your jealous of me...' (should be you're)
Then when he speaks to the woman outside he says 'Excuse me, Mame.' - is Mame a name? Or did you mean 'excuse me Ma'am.' as in short for madam?

So overall, a rollicking roller coaster of images and ideas and events and mystery - I loved it. I think someone down there mentioned trimming words and I guess you could do that exercise - decide to trim out a hundred words each chapter to start with - it will pare it down even more and It always improves. Having said that, this is a very impressive and unusual book, I felt out of breath at the end of chapter 7. I see it's unfinished, so I look forward to reading more. Watchlisted and starred for now, and I don't always do that.
Cariad.

Having read chapter 1, the imagery is the strongest aspect of this piece with powerful descriptions of the storm and its effects creating a very moody, very textured atmosphere. Use of metaphor is original and creative. The scene-setting passages are nicely intertwined with the plot exposition. Overall, the essential "Irishness" (if I may use that term) of the tone and language of the text comes through very strongly and lends the work a powerful and idiosyncratic presence that makes it very memorable. A very good start, but some work is still required. I have noticed a few typos and made a few suggestions for corrections which I will send in a separate message.

Cheers,
Mike

BHCG
Hi Faina,
Well I've read the first chapter. Skimming thru the other comments I see the 'storm did not do it justice' typo has been picked up and some of the other points I'll make are probably repeated below.
Overall - There is obvious talent in your writing. Also a desire to leave little out. I would say it is overwritten to its detriment-
eg paving stones that were worn smooth as porcelian (great writint) by many a passing thread ( last part is unnecessary and dilutes the effect. The reader is given no space, every nuance is wringed out of each sentence. the powerful descriptive passages become, as a result, claustrophobic and the long faulkner-like sentences had me thinking about supplimentary oxygen to get through them :)
'the trembling brightness of the flame-lights flicker' this would be a stand out great image if it wasn't shouted out by so many competing images. But that sentence feels too long because of all the other 'wordy' sentences around it.
'stalked conceitedly' You want to push every image.
Cliche I know but less is more.
There is so much good, nuanced writing here it is a shame it is not given the space to breathe. The storm imagery is wonderful.
As it reads I did get a handle on Samuel and he is interesting - no flat stereotypes there.
My sister is a journo and she has been telling me the same thing forever - lose 20% of your words. If you streamlined this it would be fantastic.
Hope this helps and I apologise if I came over too critical.
All the Best!
John

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get to your book.

Normally I type up comments as I come across them, but that didn't work for this book because the more I read, the more I realised that my earlier comments didn't hold. Let me explain:

When I started reading, I read your Tags and your Pitch. I was waiting for a run of the mill crime novel with an MC, an elderly father, a normal but possibly slightly weird old school friend, and somebody disappearing. Because you labelled it thriller, I expected lots of tense, sharp writing and palpable tension.

What I got was comedy. From your opening with the smiling storm, to the description of Mrs Merrow lying in bed wondering who's at her door - pure humour. I love some of your sentences and hate others - the one with Samuel waiting at the door for Mrs Merrow to answer jarred because it went on for so long. But the style is unique and really has something. But only if you completely rewrite your pitches to reflect that style. That's what a pitch is - it's not just a bare bones outlining of the major points. Please re-tag this where it belongs: Humour, Crime, Fantasy, re-work the pitches, and possibly set it a couple of hundred years ago (the language just screams of Sherlock Holmes/Victorian/Edwardian era, not modern day). Then you could keep your smiling storm and I think you'd find a much more appreciative audience.

Minor points - typo "the storm did not it justice". And the curl of cats (love the phrase) - how can they all be the same colour yet be zebra-like (contrasting stripes of colour)?

Good luck with this.

This is a very interesting and exciting story. I think this is a great book, which with a little editing will go a long way.
At the beginning you write and describe everything to detail but because it went on for so long I sometimes got a bit lost in the story, with the howling winds etc, and the figure. When the figure was introduced as Samuel's friend, I guessed (Whether or not I am right) Naher is no longer alive. I think the problem might be that too many similar characters are introduce at the same time eg Niav, and so it is difficult to follow the story clearly. I also think that the beginning is very long. It is beautifully detailed, but most of it unnecessary and if cut down will make a clearer more understandable read. I realise the atmosphere needs to be created, and this has been done brilliantly, but if it was my book I would try to cut as much out of the first chapter as I could so that the story enravels sooner.
But overall I have to say this is a brilliant story and I can't wait to read more. Samuel and Maher are a strange pair of friends, and I have a feeling there is something other than friendship between them - definitely makes me want to find out. But if I have guessed something other than the norm, I wont give the mystery away.
six stars
Junetee(Four Corners)

Hi Faina,

I've had a read of your first chapter. You have some beautiful descriptions.

Your short pitch didn't grab me. The first sentence of your long pitch did.

The opening is atmospheric and sets the scene very well.
Some of your sentences are really long and I found myself having to re-read them.
I'm not convinced that Mrs Merton would feel embarrassed and self-conscious. Whenever I have stayed in a guest house the proprietor either makes small talk or leaves the room. A couple of paragraphs later they enter into quite a deep, philosophical exchange, which for me feels a little too intimate given the character traits you have just set out.

I know the first chapter is always the one that gets feedback, so if there is another chapter you particularly want feedback on let me know.

I think you have potential here, with some work.

Please bear in mind that I know nothing, so if my comments aren't helpful just disregard them.

Maisie

This is why I harp to HarperCollins that WE NEED MORE SPACES ON OUR BOOKSHELVES (please)!

The title, meh, maybe too vague for those who prefer the blatant, and I'll also confess that a few of those paragraph lengths I momentarily stumbled on (fool that I am). BUT I do love this intriguing story, your smart prose and good pacing, Faina, so I'll be promoting 'Maher' on my website shortly and backing it here ASAP.

Best of luck with it--
E.R.

Hi

This is an enticing story. You draw out suspense well. Great characterisations.
I was waiting for some dialogue and it took a rather long time to get to it. When Mrs Merton answers the door to the strangers, I expected there to be some dialogue and felt let down when there was none. The reader has no connection without dialogue.
The elderly father (the way he is described going there to die) seems to be too fit to manage such a foul night without the aid of his son supporting him or even a walking stick.
'Mrs Merton's guest house was an attractive property..........'
'It was a large property........' I suggest you omit both these paragraphs as they are background information and stop the pacing. The reader is waiting for something to happen not be told about the property.
Otherwise some great writing.
I hope this helps.
Cheers Olga

You have a nice flowing writing styles. You are great with words. The first sentence seems a bit long. The others are just perfect. I could see all that was happening. You have a gift for placing an ominous mood and putting a CLEAR image into our heads. Sure sometimes you overdo it but not to the point where I would want to tell you that you have to delete it. You had suspense the entire time, which was set up perfectly with the first paragraph. Samuel just seemed so creepy and secretive that I would never let him into my house. You’re definitely the best scene and mood creator on this site. No one even comes close to you. With Samuel just being in the room I could feel the terror in him a little. I don’t know how you did that but I felt his thoughts of why was he there.

Faina,
I reviewed the first chapter of Maher and enjoyed your richly detailed prose. You set the scenes for the reader in such vivid detail and the element of suspense is present from the first chapter. The plot outlined in your synopsis is one which would create a riveting account with characters who have unexpected challenges to face. I look forward to seeing the complete work as what I have read so far leaves me wanting to read more.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

One this to say about this is you have a way of bringing out all of the senses as you write. I could hear the wind around me and feel myself in your setting. Your characters are written well and your dialogue flows naturally. Which is harder to do than it looks! I only have been through your first Chapter but I will put you on my watch list. Let me know if there is anything specific you want me to look over and I will be happy to do so! Thanks for asking me to read your work!

Best,

Ashley
Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket

One this to say about this is you have a way of bringing out all of the senses as you write. I could hear the wind around me and feel myself in your setting. Your characters are written well and your dialogue flows naturally. Which is harder to do than it looks! I only have been through your first Chapter but I will put you on my watch list. Let me know if there is anything specific you want me to look over and I will be happy to do so! Thanks for asking me to read your work!

Best,

Ashley
Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket