The ark and the curse of the 'Oracle'

The ark and the curse of the Oracle is a fascinating look into the future. Designating exact dates in the distant future serves as a quick guide to the reader in establishing the time setting. A very original plot from an author with an extraordinary imagination shines for its originality. I was pleased to award this the highest star rating the look forward to seeing the complete work.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

sorry S V,
this book doesn't seem to be for me
:)
Diane

This has two wonderful things going for it. First, the premise. You've developed a fascinating story. You have a vivid imagination, and intriguing storyline. If I saw a novel on this topic at the bookstore I would buy it.

Secondly, the second half of your opening chapter has some very gripping events that serve as a solid hook.

You certainly have the story in place, but I have some suggestions to help make this better. Careful with word repetition. For example, in your third sentence you repeat "the room," which is unnecessary. Also, you repeat yourself with, "inventing the most remarkable inventions." You also say, "decipher" a lot in your second paragraph. There's a lot of telling in your opening chapter that would be stronger if you showed the information. Really watch out for "was" and "were" as these tend to be the two easiest forms of telling to spot. Make sure you write numbers out. "10" should be "ten." Careful not to switch tense. This was all past tense until, "It has many bizarre..." Stick to past tense. Careful with vague language such as, "panes of darkness." Also: "acting like a half-minded one." What is a half-minded one? I wasn't sure what you meant by these. How can something that isn't alive open calmly? Some of your word choice is awkward at times. For example, "She was cooked on seeing..."

Typos: Make sure you don't use 's for "advanced equipment's." It should just be "advanced equipment." "Thou he stood" should be "though he stood." "Half-minded" should be hyphenated since it's two words serving as one adjective. Should be "shouted at her." Make sure you review how to properly punctuate dialogue. There are quite a few other typos throughout the opening. Make sure you edit this carefully.

You have the story. Now this just needs a thorough edit and polish. Best of luck with your book. Let me know if you make changes. I would be more than happy to check them out; I'd love to see this novel succeed.

Hi its Junetee again. I noticed you have a few edits here and there in your pitch. I'm sure you would want to know about them. There are possibly more in your first few chapters.
1. No one knew what HAS happened to him.
2, Instead of 'the curse started acting on him' , try 'The curse began when his girlfriend tried to kill him.'
3. The sinister wants wants his life to rule the Universe, but it IS only possible with the five parts of the warrior.
4 Who is HIS girlfriend?
Maybe if you read it out loud it will help to notice the mistakes. This is what I do.
Hope this helps. Anyway the main reason I looked at your page was to back your book. It has great promise.
Junetee.(Four Corners)

Good pitch.
This is an interesting story. It's exciting and you keep the reader interested right until the very end of chapter one, and there you finish the chapter with gripping suspense. - perfectly written.
Junetee (Four Corners)

Gripping beginning of the story takes us to a different age where androids live. The first chapter is exciting. Your writing style is easily digested. You might want to revise second paragraph. Too many repititions and references to 'it' occurs there. You have a nice plot here. I fully rated your book. I wish you good luck.
Daniela

Hey! I recognize that cover. You self-published on createspace, didn't you? Me too!

Check out DAWN RISING and DEVIL WENT DOWN.