Book Jacket

 

rank 4803
word count 14772
date submitted 13.11.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Historical Fiction, Fantas...
classification: universal
incomplete

Mountain Man

Steve White

An extraordinary wilderness, a boy genius named Jeffrey, a deadly quest...
And a wilderness-savvy, tall-tale telling, civilization-hating, wisecracking companion.

 

The land of Mira has no elves, dwarves, trolls, or unicorns. Instead, lurking in Mira is every wily creature ever named in American tall tales and fur-trapper legends.

The village of Fort Sanctuary lies on the coast of this extraordinary land. Twelve-year-old Jeffrey Jones, the printer's son, has a hard life here.

When knights from the old country raid the village and kill Jeffrey's family, he is cast into the wilderness on a quest to prove his worth and bring the raiders to justice.

His only chance for survival lies with his sole companion, a long lost uncle named Bogg, who calls the wilderness home. Rough, tough, civilization-hating, wise-cracking Bogg, with his bird's-nest beard and knife from the fang of a sabertooth, lost his brother to the raiders. He will hunt them down, and he's got no time for a young pup like Jeffrey.

They must set out together through a beautiful and deadly land, filled with forests and mountains, splintercats and hidebehinds, fur-bearing trout and four-legged hills. As Bogg and Jeffrey struggle to survive, they gain strength from each other, and draw closer to an inevitable confrontation with the raiders.

 
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tags

, adventure, colonial, coming of age, fantasy, folklore, historical, mountain man, nanowrimo, old west

on 4 watchlists

11 comments

 

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GillianH wrote 1277 days ago

Steve. I've shelved you as I thought the prologue and first chapter were brilliant. How can you now like a hero called Jeffrey! I just love the guys attitude, and I laughed out loud at the 'stop using words I don't know' line!

you do a good job of creating the world, and I think some of your descriptions are super, very fresh and original.

I've only recently got into YA, but this is up there with some of the really good books I've read on here. Get yourself noticed with some of the people who write in the same genre, and I think your ratings will soar.

Look forward to your views on The Charter, and really glad we agreed to trade reads. Many thanks.

Happy to help you on your way, you're on my shelf. Well done!

setondan wrote 1058 days ago

This is fantastic. Love it. I cant' believe this has not caught on and skyrocketed up the charts. Once the word gets out, maybe that can still happen. Historical fiction fantasy at its best, using interesting characters and great humor to tell a spine-tingling tale. Glad to give it a ride on my shelf. Good luck.

tiggertoo wrote 1216 days ago

Steve
Good opening line.
* One thing I've learned is the importance of keeping early chapters crisp and flowing. This means cutting unnecessary words.
For example: end 1st sentence after Sanctuary. Then: "A small boy, J J, didn't want to be punched again. Seventeen year old M D was stalking him and M was a thug."

* "boarderline malnutrition" and "powerful hunger" - I'd cut the first.

* Prologue ends well, but later I find out it is a woman who screams and says "Clovis! They're back!" That doesn't sound like something that would chill the blood! I suggest you rethink the last line of the prologue. You need to be convincing rather than just dramatic.

* "It weren't ripe yet." Is this Bogg's language. If so it should be clear, otherwise it's "wasn't ripe yet".

* "The only body who.... or else was...." Cut "was" where ever possible. Also suggest this sentence starts: "Someone who..."

* "I allow this is Fort..." I don't undertand this sentence.

* In fact, to add impact, I would end the sentence at the para before. There's tension and it'll make the reader want to turn the page.

* Chapter 2 talks of broadswords and dragons. This stopped me. I thought we were in a frontier town. Is this a Sci Fantasy? If these references aren't vital, cut them because they're confusing.

* Chapter 3 starts "The second boy..." Ooops I stopped again, which is never good at the start of a chapter. I went back and re-read the prologue. Oddly I had the sense that the prologue was from a different (later) time! Now I get it. I suggest the prologue and chapter 1 needs to be more obviously linked. Possibly start chap 3 with "M D..."

* Chapter 4 "Godzooks" or is it "Gadzooks"?

* "And then the lad grinned!" - I didn't like the exclamation mark, but I loved the last line! (hee hee)

I'll probably read more later. You have an interesting style and good story, I suspect.

Please take a look at The Jin Deception. www.authonomy.com/readbook.aspx?bookid=4594

BW
Murray


cmanteria wrote 1225 days ago

Steve,

Got through the prologue and first chapter. Great writing. It coulduse a bit more tightening up, but I think mostly it's just a matter of an editor doing a once over.

I've shelved your novel. I think it is worthhy of buying.

Good luck with it.

If you have the chance please check out my MS.

-Chris
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=4441

Geoff Thorne wrote 1233 days ago

Damn it. I can't make up my mind about this. Still on the watch list. Back again for another go later.

Steve White wrote 1264 days ago

I watch-listed without commenting.
I keep on coming back for another look.
The only point that 'jars' my nerves is the naming of the 'hidebehind'. While it is instantly obvious to the reader what this is - the name consists of 'soft sounds' and 'soft syllables'.
...
I will be back again.



Hi -- Mountain Man author here --

I didn't make up the word. The source material for this novel is American legends and tall tales -- really!

The name "hidebehind," as well as the description of the fearsome beast, are almost two centuries old.

Thanks for reading and commenting -- I hope to hear more...

-- Steve

Geoff Thorne wrote 1264 days ago

I'm not sure why this isn't grabbing me. It did at first. I'm keeping it on the watchlist for now because I need a clearer head to make sense of it.

derettens wrote 1265 days ago

I watch-listed without commenting.

I keep on coming back for another look.

The only point that 'jars' my nerves is the naming of the 'hidebehind'. While it is instantly obvious to the reader what this is - the name consists of 'soft sounds' and 'soft syllables'.
I walk alone most mornings in the forests near my home - I would quite enjoy the company of a 'hidebehind' whereas a harsh sounding name with sinister undertones like 'jackerwock' (which is not sinister enough!) might encourage me to move with a bit more haste.

It's just a thought.

I will be back again.

GillianH wrote 1277 days ago

Steve. I've shelved you as I thought the prologue and first chapter were brilliant. How can you now like a hero called Jeffrey! I just love the guys attitude, and I laughed out loud at the 'stop using words I don't know' line!

you do a good job of creating the world, and I think some of your descriptions are super, very fresh and original.

I've only recently got into YA, but this is up there with some of the really good books I've read on here. Get yourself noticed with some of the people who write in the same genre, and I think your ratings will soar.

Look forward to your views on The Charter, and really glad we agreed to trade reads. Many thanks.

Happy to help you on your way, you're on my shelf. Well done!

sunsinger wrote 1280 days ago

I put this on my watchlist after reading the prologue and first chapter. I'm seeing a lot of promise here!

Geoff Thorne wrote 1280 days ago

watchlisted off the prologue.

"Stop using words I don't know." heh. Classic.

back for more later.

Desert Coyote wrote 1284 days ago

Okay, one chapter in (wish I had time for more right now), and I have to say the description and the foreshadowing, especially from the prologue, have set an excellent mood. I love your nearly poetic use of description. I'm watchlisting this one, and looking forward to reading more.

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