The Book of the Forsaken

No disrespect to Authonomy but this book is too good to be on here. By rights it should already be in print and we should now be using it as a standard by which we measure others. This is fantasy as it should be written, richly detailed and lavish, one for the intelligent minded reader and for the connoisseur. The atmosphere, the plot, the dialogue all just works. A superb piece of writing.

Jack Hughes

Very creative.. it seems well outside the style of many fantasy writers - outside most writers, altogether. You have a very distinctive manner of writing. There is much to praise here. It has force and shows atmosphere and your characters are interesting and thought-provoking. I would be interested myself to see where it goes. Very good use of language and style.

Very different to anything else on the site, possibly unique, and utterly fascinating. It's not my preferred genre, which makes my admiration for the stylish, inventive nature of the writing so much more profound. The device of the narrator as a central fixture of the whole entity is wonderfully successful, and hugely entertaining.
Exceptional.
Jake

Wow. I'm getting echoes of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, HP Lovecraft and possibly Hugh Cook. "The same, but different", which in commercial terms is excellent. Good stuff.

I've read the first two chapters and the short prologue and I have to say there is nothing on this site quite like this. I love that the narrator has taken up a position as an author/god who just doesn't care. It almost puts anything I ever worry about to the category of trivial. I love to think that someone is up there pulling my strings.

I also appreciate novels with footnotes. They also seem to ground the narrative to a point where it appears real. I've seen it done effectively in lamb by Christopher Moore and now yours. You need to put this book up on Amazon so I can put it on my Kindle. This is the first work that, after your cleanup, I'd agree to purchase. Six Stars and backed.

Two Chapter's in and I can't wait to read more ~ keep em' comin'

Congratulations on getting to the editors desk.
Best wishes, and good luck for the future.
Terry "Never Again" (New title of published book Someone to Love Us )

CONGRATULATIONS!

You didn't just stroll to the front. With this record: on 236 bookshelves, on 193 watch-lists and with
236 comments - you fought your way there!

Well done!

I can't see you taking a writing holiday...

Regards,
KEN BLOWERS
(The old English bloke living in Australia,
who has written six books of short stories
five books of plays. Plus QUOTE ME -
a book of 1,000 quotations, (but no novels).
http://www.authonomy.com/writing-community/profile/me

The style in which you write this book is amazing. I especially love the prologue. I don’t think anyone can read that and not want to read the rest.

I don't read fantasy books on the norm but I saw this on the front page and liked the cover. well, i guess you taught me! I'll be reading fantasy boks from now on. This was a great story. good luck on autonmy publishing your book!

The voice in the prologue is entertaining. The Bible reference makes it more interesting. The length makes me want to check out this story even more. I want to know more about this game and Logos. You did good here. Keep it up.

Smoothly written prose. Detailed and approachable descriptions of what could be difficult "abilities" to explain.
Three thumbs up for this fresh, perfectly-paced novel with the interest & chapter-endings to keep the pages turning.

~Lucas
CAPRITARE: The Cycles Begin

You are one heck of a visionary. Kudos to you! I'm not keen on fantasy books but this one works well. Best of luck and keep on writing! x

I absolutely love this. The writing is strong, the characters compelling and the concept superbly original. Happily backed and highly rated. Best of luck with it!

Oktober

Yannis, I like this a lot! You don't beat around the bush, but get right into the stuff some of the rest of us who think we have deep philosophical messages to convey take forever to elaborate. And you do it with a fine sense of humor and nonchalance. Obviously, you don't need any advice from me to get to the top of the charts here. Jim
p.s. Yannis, congratulations on reaching The Desk. I've read to the end again. Thank you for a great story. Jim

Not only is the narrative voice engaging and steeped with an attractive character, but the story itsself is original. I'm instantly hooked. It's a shame writers with so much tallent fail to find representation by traditional means. The publishing industry is a grim, dream breaking, money making machine.

Elest

This is a very interesting book and I'm enjoying what I have read so far.

I read the first few chapters. The prologue and the pitch was very well written and enticing. Though I must admit I could not get into to book. The setting is hardly ever described making the characters feel like they are floating in space. Many fantasy readers are visual people, and if you do not describe the world your characters interact in, especially early on, the story becomes very textbook. Almost every sentence besides the dialogue in part one starts the same: He did this... He did that...

Does "he" have a name?

Besides these concerns I did enjoy the side comments which added humor and depth into the work. I would like to see more people use this technique. Good plot just needs work. Best of luck

Just wanted to wish you luck this month.

I'm really enjoying this so far. I'm intrigued and will keep reading. First book I've commented on since joining Authonomy, but won't be the last. There's some good stuff on here.

Looking forward to reading the rest of it.

Good luck.

Richard.

Sadly, I did not feel this was an amazing book. It was fairly good, but had some grammatical errors that were not in the dialogue, and your story doesn't describe the setting that well. I read the story because of all the comments that said they liked this, but I never became attached to your characters. I felt like you told to much about the characters and didn't let the reader figure it out for themselves. I think your story has potential, but the joking narrator that is playing a game really got to me at points, and often "pulled" me out of the story.
It is an interesting story line so far, and I think that is what kept me reading all the way to chapter eight.

I've read the first three chapters of The Book of the Forsaken, so obviously I'll only be commenting on those chapters plus the pitch. I found this a very enjoyable read. I like your writing style, and you've got a good sense of humour too. The writing is simple yet effective, putting the scene clearly into the reader's head, and it also has character too because of the narrator's distinctive voice. I can't fault the writing at all - you've done a great job with it.

Your pitch sounds interesting and your writing makes it a very readable story. Also, your plotting seems to be good too as there aren't any really obvious things i can think of to cut. I think you've got some really cool ideas here, and I don't see any reason why the book shouldn't be a really good one.

Your characters are very good too. The character Cassidy is not the kind of person I like to hang around with, even with his wit, and if the story was completely about him I wouldn't really want to read on. But his powers are interesting - out-of-body camera-esque ability to see things from any perspective is a pretty cool power to have. I don't know if you've thought about this already, but you could also put a cost on this power by making him vulnerable when he's using it (I mean that he can't see through his own body's eyes at the same time as when he's using his out-of-body powers. This could lead to some interesting conflict situations). I think Daniel is a much more likeable character (or should I say more similar to me?) - even if he is a bit of a supernerd. I think the whole teleportation power has been done so many times that it's very difficult to come up with a new way of doing it, but you do present it in an interesting way - plus teleportation is a cool idea so who cares! Igor sounds "interesting".

Overall, I think you've got a really interesting beginning to a novel here, and I'll definitely be coming back to read the rest - I'm interested in seeing where you go with this. I can't say whether it's good enough to be published or anything (because I've only read the beginning) but it definitely looks promising.


Sophie

Fantastic book. Very glad to see it on the ED.

Hi Yannis,

I read the first four chapters and got to know each of the three puppets of your story. Daniel, Cassidy and Igor all have interesting lives. Cassidy who is in jail receives a gift, Daniel around Christmas time gets asked something from Horace and Igor, also around Christmas time, gets a new target in the business that he is in. Your character development in all three circumstances is beyond any that I have seen on Authonomy. There are some really good manuscripts on Authonomy, but I haven't read character sketches as well-rounded and complete as you have laid out for Cassidy, Daniel and Igor. I felt very comfortable getting to know all three of them, despite the rabbit and chicken killings of Igor.
Thank you for a wonderful read and congrats on making it to the Editor's Desk!

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories/Alecner

Highly-rated and backed for originality, cleverness and ability to hold the reader in its grip. I found myself quickly becoming immersed in this fascinating book. However, it is in need of a bit more editing. I found it ambiguous in places and noticed a few problems with grammer and sentence structure. Could I tell you where those were? No. Why? Because I became too engrossed in the storyline to want to stop and write them down. And though I could easily go back and re-read this again and enjoy it just as much a second time, I have too many reads to return. Then again, with 219 comments, hopefully someone will have already pointed them out - unless everyone had the same experience as me. It wouldn't be surprising.

Yannis. Different, very well-written, puzzling. Can't make up my mind whether you're barking mad, of another world, or brilliant. Maybe all three.
Not my usual fare at all but I will endeavour to be confused further.
One silly, nibble-size observation. In PART 1 a short way down: 'On these occasions Redhead would act all offended.' Unless you meant it to sound juvenile I would get rid of "all". It sounds like something you'd hear in a girl's playground.
Otherwise thought-provoking stuff. I commend you for being surprisingly different.
Would love you to get your hooter into Reasonable Force and report back. It's done well in a short time but the climb is a steep one.
Slipped you up onto my shelf - 1 cos I've got a gap: 2 cos lunacy needs support and 3 cos I'm looking for some reciprocity - (favourite word of the month).
Cheers, Sully.

Hi Yannis,
I have just starred this book... backed this book and for what it is worth I think this book should have already been published. If you cannot get a publisher for this then something is rotten at the heart of the British publishing sector.
Fantastic... loved every chapter... the characters are great... the dialog is great and so is the ideas.
This is the first time I have sat and read the whole available book in one go... and I do not regret a moment of it.
Congratulations... terrific storytelling.
Regards,
Tom Hull 'King Arthur and the Secret of the Universe'

I was so interested that I read every single chapter you put up. Also, so interested that time had flown by and before I knew it, there wasn't anymore there to read.

I agree with Jack Hughes. This book should already be published and we should all be using it as inspiration. You should be very proud of this work. VERY proud.

I didn't get to write down any mistakes on the way because I was so into reading it--though I don't remember finding any AT ALL. (apart from) On Chapter 7 there's a bit of writing that's bigger than the rest.
"That's when he decided to learn more about the draft in his hands."

I really enjoyed how all of their 'missions/favors' ended up at the same place. Cassidy(RedHead) is also my favorite character out of the three mains. (though there is something unique and enjoyable about them all).

That little bit about Karma is genius. And Daniel's dream was a bit funny. Very well done there. I was wondering what was going on until he finally woke up.

Also, I'd like to make a comment on something that does stand out to me, though. I have never read a book or manuscript that uses the [1] [2] thing. Ever. I think this is a really unique element that you add to your work and is something to really identify you by. Same as introducing the 'Puppet's'.

All of the characters are SO well done, very well written and thought out. I love how the story is told and there really needs to be more chapters added for authonomy readers to enjoy.

All in all. This work is perfection(though all of the chapters have not been added to the site yet) so far and to have it on a bookshelf(once completed and published) to read again and again, would be a fantastic.

Backed. Watch Listed. 6 Stars (if only there were more stars to give!)

This is very good. I like it. Strange use of footnotes, though, like in a non-fiction book. What is that about? Who cares. Should be in print.
Rating: 6 stars

Interesting and original. While the sentences are sometimes a little awkward and confusing, generally it's really good - both technically and as an entertaining story.

Sure thing. I apologize for not jotting them down before. They were minor and you should know that I am NOT an expert on grammar, so I will let you decide for yourself.
--You know; sales go up, money comes in. (Should be a comma)
--Counting the black inked dots (From what another Authonomy author told me, I think black inked should be hyphenated. Come to think of it, I am not sure you even have to say inked.)
I have to apologize. There were a few more I remember thinking I saw, but going back, I must have read too quickly, because they are not grammatical errors. So in the first couple chapters at least, the ones above are the only ones I see.
Well done.

Ty

Ooh, I like the premise and the way you tell the story. This is very unique. I noticed some grammatical errors here and there, but nothing major. Nicely done.

Wow and wow. That's all I can say. If I could drive and read, than I would because this book is awesome. I'm not usually a fan of fantasy but, wow. I agree, this book I should be purchasing from Barnes and Noble.

Holy Schmoly. I'm not going to lie. I'm not a huge fan of fantasy. But I started reading and if I could drive and read at the same time I would. This is a fantastic book. Your writing style is unique and wow. That's all I can say. I haven't had the chance to rank anyone's book above a four yet, you will be my first.

I've gotten through the first few chapters of The Book of The Forsaken. I love this book's attitude! I love it period! Six stars & backed!
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

Just finished chapter 2 and will definitely keep reading. I can see this being a best seller. Your writing is flawless and your characters well-rounded and visible to the reader. Redhead is fascinating and though in some respects he is a loser, he comes out besting everyone. The best part of your writing is, I think, the ability to leave the reader hanging at the end of each chapter, wondering what comes next, and wanting more. Definitely a page turner. Best of luck!

Debbie Martin
IN THE FAMILY WAY

I don't like fantasy, and I don't like clever clogs who keep talking to me when I am reading the story but your essential humour seduced me into reading on and on. I think my son would be fan if you get this published . I will try and say something constructively critical when I have read a bit more( a few more cold dark nights and boring TV offerings.) NOBODY has looked at my ghost stories which are very good please have go with FALLING THROUGH THE cRACKS by bETTY DYE ( I'm Elizabeth Dye for the children's book but I have a feeling you are too young for that)

Interesting tale you've woven. Nice, enchanting. Real.
On WL for now.
blessings!
jim

Hello Yannis,

I'm new here; I was looking for fantasy books and yours was the first one I saw that wasn't also tagged as young adult or children's, so I started reading. I've gotten through the prologue and first two chapters so far.

I like the narrative tone a lot, especially in the prologue, and I also like the way you use footnotes - it reminds me of the Third Policeman, by Flann O'Brien. I also like the characters you've introduced so far: Logos (or the Narrator, not sure if these are the same person), Redhead and Daniel. For the last two, you've done a good job of introducing the worlds they currently inhabit and how their lives seem to be progressing. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens to them.

The one big suggestion I'd make, though, is to try and flesh their settings out more. In Redhead's case, I didn't get a particular sense that he was Irish or in Ireland (apart from the use of the word "eejit" at one point). I also wasn't sure why he was in prison - does one really get six years for punching a cop in the nose? And if he was rich, why didn't he flee the country or hire the best lawyers or something? I'd suggest spending more time figuring out what brought him to the point he's at when the story starts; this will also give you a better idea of how he drives events later in the story.

Daniel's backstory holds together better in my opinion - he's a bit of a loser, not willing to take risks and so stuck in this job, but he has big ideas about his place in the world. This leads him to all manner of dishonesty and taking advantage of people around him, whether his boss or his girlfriend.

As far as your writing itself, I found the dialogue a little clumsy in places. I would suggest reading these bits out loud to yourself, as if you're saying them to someone, and changing them to reflect that. For example, some characters say "you are" instead of "you're", when the emphasis is elsewhere in the line, this makes the dialogue flow a little unnaturally. Another thing to watch out for is tenses - there was a spot in Daniel's chapter where you switched from past tense to present and back again.

I hope you find these comments useful, and good luck with writing the rest of it.

Thanks,
FR

No disrespect to Authonomy but this book is too good to be on here. By rights it should already be in print and we should now be using it as a standard by which we measure others. This is fantasy as it should be written, richly detailed and lavish, one for the intelligent minded reader and for the connoisseur. The atmosphere, the plot, the dialogue all just works. A superb piece of writing.

Jack Hughes

Hi...

Very good... I like it. It is different from works I have read before, it's not the same old - same old. You build the story well right from the start and keep it interesting. I like his sense of humor and his voice.

I have only read the prologue and Part one. Usually I would read a chapter and then come back, as that is the way I like to do things. Will definitely be back to read more and comment as I do so.

I hope you like The Storm Chronicles.

Stephen

Horsemad1 wrote 15 hours ago [edit comment]
This is a cleverly put together concept with true merit. I love the choice of names you’ve given the characters, they are so appropriate. The modern day Lucifer as Lou works really well. There are Lou’s in our times who use others like their ‘puppets’ manipulating them and those ‘puppets’ dance merrily to their every tune. You have the foundations firmly erected for potentially a good book. Good Luck and well done.

I’m not sure what happened, but I could not read Page 17 as it said ‘Sorry, and error has occurred while loading this chapter text.’ So, the story ended prematurely for me. Good easy read, I can’t wait for the final product.

And to my surprise now readying your book 15 hours later, you use the terms Puppets, bizarre!!

I know you are keen for reviews to be uploaded quickly, but I tend to take time as I want to give the book a full and thorough review. I like the concept and the outline, but I feel you need revise areas - I have picked a selection - if you want the other areas, please let me know. I have starred your work - you have the bones of a very good book. I would certainly like to read it again, after its revision.

Page 2: not sure I like “Did as told.”

Page 3: “He didn’t have any keys of the place ……” – this does not read easily for me, could the ‘any’ be removed?
“Sunday was not ………he could have” – I feel these two paragraphs need revising.

On this page, for me there is an over use of Daniel’s name where ‘he’ or ‘his’ would suffice as the reader knows you are talking about him.
“One day during the last six months…” – Could the sentence start with the removal of “One day”? And start with ‘During’?

Page 4: “…He was also his manager and assistant….and confided many things to the…” This needs revising.

Hey!
I read the first two chapters and really liked it, I love your intro, its a great hook! The poker scene was great, and I'm intrigued by whats in that little box!

Hi Yannis
As requested I had a read of your book. I like the premis of the storyteller / God like person - allows for much leeway with POV 3rd person omnipresent. I enjoyed the storyline so far and definately want to know what's going to happen next so well done on that front.
I liked the idea of the "Puppets" but didnt like the bullet pointed character descriptions - felt like too much "tell" and no "show" for me - dont tell me someone is anxious and fearful - show me and let me come to that conclusion myself - its the only way I'll empathise with them. I think your protagonists "puppets" are interesting but didnt find myself rooting for them - something I reckon is important in the opening - get people on side by giving them some redeeming quality - "obsessed with power" tells me I'm prob not going to like this guy so am I going to stick with him for a full story.
Felt the Poker section may confuse some readers - it did me anyhoo. I wasnt sure re the footnotes - felt a bit non-fiction booky for me but some may like them. Overall a good read which kept me interested an I will read more. I've starred and good luck with getting up the ladder to the desk. I'm new to this but If you get a chance I'd respect your opinion on my book The Angel Chord. cheers
Derek

Hi
I have read the first two chapters and may well read the rest - it is a interesting and different narrative style with a lot of impact and humour at the same time and is not what I would normally read but I found it very engaging and effective and well written description that help to create the setting and characters - will let you know what i think of the rest when i read it

Hi
I have read the first two chapters and may well read the rest - it is a interesting and different narrative style with a lot of impact and humour at the same time and is not what I would normally read but I found it very engaging and effective and well written description that help to create the setting and characters - will let you know what i think of the rest when i read it

Read the first three chapters.
My favourite aspects: You've thought a whole lot into the metaphysics of your characters' abilities, and I really liked that. Functional magic ftw. Also, the narrator thing works very well, with the footnotes and all, and it's refreshing to see some straight-up musing on human nature. The characters seem to be excellently constructed.

Criticisms: I'm...not sure how much I actually like the characters, well-constructed as they are. And the dialogue's very good for the most part, but in some places it seems a little bit movie-esque, like not what people would normally say.

But overall I thought it was interesting, original and well-written. I gave it many stars, and good luck with the final push to the Editor's Desk.

Hello

First the negative. Your pitch tells me of a sarcastic story teller. I didn't think he was sarcastic, something who has a high opinion of himself, or a jaundiced one of every one else, perhaps - sarcasm doesn't come into it, and it would be up to the reader to discern that.
Wasn't very comfortable with the footnotes, a sort of self applause which put me off. I wasn't drawn in, and it felt cocky and too clever and I became impatient. I get the feeling you'd be a very good chess player. Or maybe I'm wrong, not too good at getting jokes, especially when I have to.
Positive: Overall the style is clear, accomplished, well written and considered. You have your characters in the right place, being seen and not seen accordingly and their actions are deftly arrayed, and I felt reasonably happy with the continuity and technicality.
The piece has a quaintness of turn, redolent (for some reason) of Wilkie Collins in parts, but then the footnotes got in the way, as if you or the text was overflowing and the bottom of the page became a drip tray. Could you create verse with these add on bits? A kind of illustration.
You seem to have fun when you write, myriad thoughts birthing more myriad thoughts, but I am left with the tiniest suspicion that the fun is at the reader's expense - feels a wee bit superior., of talking down and trying to convince of something.
I'm afraid I didn't read that far into for the reasons mentioned.
I hope you receive your well earned review from H&C, and I will rate and star despite personal reservations.

Good luck to you.

Billie

I've given your book six stars. I'm finding it original, funny, atmospheric - great characters, really unusual idea and style and unlike anything I've ever read.

Creative indeed. The style itself makes the reader curious. And as the story gradually opens and when the plot sets in, the reading becomes easy. Well done Yannis, I will read fully and comment.
Ronald Hadrian.

Good read, starred. Thanks for sharing.

Good read, starred. Thanks for sharing.

I read the first four. Well done! I am thoroughly interested and intrigued by your writing style. You have a voice all your own, which is quite enviable. Keep up the good work! Six stars, and will back when I can. Good luck! I'm sorry it took so long to get to you.

--Shieldmaiden

this is certainly unique. a captivating style of writing with intriguing characters. Not my genre, but a book that certainly deserves to be up there and has earned a high rating from me.

Yannis, I'm not normally a reader of fantasy but was captured by your story telling. You have a strong narrative voice and I think you description of the scene/situation is well written, as are character descriptions - I really liked the way you described Igor's physical appearance. Your combination of narrative and dialogue brings your characters to life, especially with Redhead. You have created some very interesting characters in Redhead, Maladie and Igor. I did find the footnotes a little detractting from the story though, but this is just a matter of personal taste. All in all I think this is very good.
Shuhin.