Now What

Just read the first part of your story and you held my interest well. I'm not really into this genre, but I liked the way the character's personalities came out.
I think you need to re-read some of your work as there were a few bits that threw me.
You seemed to keep changing from 1st to 3rd person - especially in paragraph 17 of chapter 1.
You also changed tenses a few times - "He waltzed in and asks" for example.
Sometimes I lost track who was doing the talking, which made it a little difficult to follow.
There are also a few typos - spelling / punctuation / missing words.
I hope I'm not sounding negative here!
In general, I think the book has potential.
Good luck with it.
Mike
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

Now What - Finally got round to commenting and I do really love this book. The way you craft this, set with a male POV followed by Jade's POV gives you plenty of what i like to call wiggle room. What i mean is the ability to change things up, add multiple characters and their own thoughts.

Jade continues as a strong, self sufficiant female lead, but now she is successful in life. Just when she thinks shes coasting along, in he steps. Brady, the biggest heartache of her life and the biggest love.

What you do in the first few chapters, is show us what happens when someone keeps a light burning for another and the confusion that is felt by the other party, but the planning that goes in to winning a heart back. Brady is coming across as a slightly love struck teenager, with stalker tendencies. Add in Derek, her current flame and there is a nice love triangle, with allsorts of past emotional twists.

You keep up the suspense with Brady back in her life, with the semi shrine on his wall and the fact he has their ranch, but the passion is still there between them, and boy can you write a fabulous sexy scene. We feel for Jade, she doesnt want to give in, she wants him to stop but deep down she doesnt and despite being with derek, shes missed this firey passion. Plenty of us can agree with her and feel for her as she confronts her actions. The aftermath is always a torrid time and to be honest as a cheat, our heads are telling us to say tut tut, but through your ability to convey emotion, we feel for her and the situation shes' stuck in.

Derek is a nice addition of character, and by writing as you are, it givs us a chance to get to know him, and his past, and now we understand why he reacts as he does, but also why Jade easily gives in to Brady.

This really does give us a lot to think about, will she end up with Brady, will Derek forgive her, which one does she want, or does this lead Jade on a journey of discovery away from both men. Like I aid lots of questions and posibilities.

As always its a pleasure to read, great descriptions, jam packed full of emotion and once again my time is invested in these characters and willing them to make the right choices. Cant wait to read more

xx

Wendy.. there has never ben a truer statement than your short pitch. This has a different feel to it than And when and it goes beyond the way you write it and the opening with the guys then jade.

Jades stronger, that comes through, yes ok she succombs to brady's charms and skills !! but there is a new steel in Jade, even as everthing is being thrown at her. Its great she remains true to her self and her honesty with Derek is something most would struggle with.

Really, really good follow up, love it x

Hi, Wendy. I left a critique for you on the "Agents" thread but good luck finding it. I decided to post it here for you in case you never saw it.

" I cant "reply with quote" because your submission is buried way back somewhere. So I went and read it directly out of your book.

I liked it. The flow was nice and natural and it held my interest (which is really good because I don't like the romance genre). Any romance book that doesn't make me roll my eyes gets extra stars. I would definitely read on. The only slight criticism I have is that you might want to re-read it for punctuation. There may have been some misplaced quotation marks and nitpicky stuff like that.

Otherwise, since I was already there, I starred it and as for this thread I would say this fake agent approves."

Wendy... read the first 4 chapters and i have to say it ties in with "And when" very well. The switches from Brady to Jade are done well and there is enough back story as he reminisces. He's acting a bit creepy, dont think id be as nice as Jade if i found out he was stalking me. i think id slap him and walk away...

So Derek comes across as a nice guy, but maybe there is some way you can inject him into the story more, same way you have brady, so the story is being told from 3 angles... just a thought.

So far the writing is fluid, descriptive, both Mc's are coming across well and its a pleasure to read. I see you still have the skill of a great scene lol Wow. Im not commenting on grammer, wording etc i know thats being worked on... if the paper everywhere was anything to go buy, am sure you'll be changing bits lol and obviously ur still writing this

What you have is the start of a great story and a definate great follow up to "And when"

I will read the rest mrs.

Jax x