Rain In My Shoes

As others have mentioned here, your dialogue is excellent. It builds character, tells a back story and gives a sense of time and place.
I haven't read as much as I'd like, but you seem to have the start of a very good novel here.
I'll put it on my shelf as soon as there's room.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Thanks for reading and commenting

{Sandra-Jane Goddard~

Hi Steve,

I am a fan of novels in historical settings and as I know southern Hampshire well, I was drawn to read 'Rain In My Shoes'.

For what they're worth, here are a few of my observations:

- when I read the title, I was under the impression that this was a story that was going to be told in the first person, so I was surprised when it wasn't. Once I started reading I could see your approach, although I'm still unsure whose point of view I am actually reading this from. In whose shoes is the rain?! Maybe that's just me. But then I wondered whether the title could be 'Rain In Her Shoes'?

- you have one or two typos, which I'm sure had already been mentioned but for instance, when the Pegasus is returning, the girl says, 'I can she her spars'.

- again in the first chapter, it felt to me as though the change in the weather was rather abrupt; one moment you are describing that the sun is at its zenith and the sparkling water and in the next paragraph it's raining. I do appreciate that the Solent can experience some sudden squalls but I wondered whether you could build the change in the weather more slowly, with the skies darkening and the wind getting up?

- in chapter two, there are one or more occasions where you dialogue feels too modern. One of your characters answers, 'Yep.' I'm not sure when that came about as a popular expression but it feels too modern, as does his expression about 'changing' his boots and when the teacher says, 'How can I possibly refuse!' You may disagree, of course but I have been picked-up by an editor for allowing expressions that are too modern to creep in and so I suppose I am particularly sensitive.

Niggles out of the way, I like the basis of your story and the strength of your characters. You have a strong understanding of the shipbuilding industry of the time and so some of your descriptions are very engaging. I did feel though that your fight scene in the ale house and subsequent treatment of your main character's fate was a little rushed. I suspect that you could paint a colourful picture of conditions in the gaol and really build the tension in the Court scene.

The plus point for me though, is that I have no idea of where the story is heading, so I will return and watch with interest.

Sandra-Jane Goddard
The Worst Of Lies

.... A very good read with real characters.

Hi Martin,

Thankyou for reading 'Rain In My Shoes', and for commenting - thanks

best regards
Steve

.... A very good read with real characters.

thanks
MT

...Thanks JC...

fine effort

Steve,
Chapter 1
The world of the story is convincing and believable, and the period detail is not merely visual but you describe to the reader what we can hear. And that really creates the atmosphere of time and place. You’ve clearly done your research but you don’t get carried away and allow that to take over the story. I couldn’t identify what sort of regional accent it is from the speech patterns and dialect. But it does sound right for the period and sometimes a local Hampshire accent can sound a bit like the broader accents of Dorset and Devon. In the end I had to Google Lenten Hard and was thrilled to find out that it is in fact Lymington, somewhere I know quite well.

It’s visual storytelling and you captured emotion of Jane’s sense of wonder and excitement as she waits in anticipation to greet her father after his long time away at sea. And then she has her hopes dashed as she can’t find him. The reunion between the two at the end of the chapter moves us onto the next.

Chapter 2
The comparison between the thunderous sermon and a storm at sea is an apt one. And there is nowhere more uncomfortable a seat than a hard church pew. Once again, you stimulate the senses – the noise of the shipbuilding and the rhythmic clang of the Chapel bell as the seagulls cry. By the end of Chapter two I was expecting the story to go in one direction, yet you were able to surprise me by that strong, dramatic scene in Chapter 3.

Well done - highly starred and on the W/L.
(Alison) Lambert Nagle
Revolution Earth

Hi Kathryn

Your observations and comments are so helpful....

best regards
Steve

I am so pleased you have put the old cover back. If you had had the ship on it in the first place I don't think I would have read it. Shows you how important a cover is. Great books. Keep it up. Kathryn

I am so pleased you have put the old cover back. If you had had the ship on it in the first place I don't think I would have read it. Shows you how important a cover is. Great books. Keep it up. Kathryn

I love this book and have put it on my shelf...

Thanks Kathryn

I liked the other picture on the cover better, but then I'm always different from everyone else.
I love this book and have put it on my shelf. All the very best with it. Kathryn

Sounds like a very dramatic book. From what I read it sounds very well written and I love the simplicity of your book cover.

Thanks Claire...

Rain In My Shoes
This book is definitely a page-turner, with flavors of Dickens, Hardy, Shakespeare and E. Nesbit. The reader is easily transported to the time. The research alone has enabled it to arrive at such a superior level.


Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Beautifully written, touching and highly entertaining. Six stars and on my watchlist awaiting promotion. Regards Bea

I love the descriptions, the language is wonderfully constructed...and very well written. ...

Alison Butler

-Thank you so much for reading and for your comments Alison,
best regards,
Steve

I love the descriptions, the language is wonderfully constructed in order to visualise the plot, characters etc. The whole beginning of novel draws the reader in and is nostalgic and warm...and very well written. I would try to avoid too much dialogue but other than that this is a fine piece of writing. Well done.
Alison Butler

Great read that transported me back in time. Your characters are strong and realistic, with a depth of colour that you use well in each scene.
Your writing has a lyrical turn of phrase, which adds to the overall plot.
Well done, I liked it a lot this is a very interesting book, which seems to have had a lot of research done to write it.
You writing is solid and staccato.
The information is understandable and easy to comprehend.
You put your writing down in a fluent and crisp way.
Well done.

This is well written. It doesn't have any boring parts and that's saying a lot.
I always wondered how a writer can come up with ideas for historical fiction. It can't be easy.

You obviously have a love for all thing nautical - I enjoyed the olde language dialogue although I had to over a couple of lines twice to get the full meaning (it's early in the morning and i haven't had coffee yet so probably just me). Only read a chapter but enjoyed what I read so far.

David J Baron

I chose this over your other book because of the time within which it is set and was not disappointed. Accented dialogue does not always work it is a tricky thing to get right without sounding like an old black and white film soundtrack. However you have pitched this dialogue just right, particularly the old woman. This tale is evocative and tense from the start - I could taste the sea salt by the second paragraph. I believe you have an intelligent style that draws the reader in right away and I think this book will do well. On my WL and five stars right off - I will review some more chapters shortly.

One tiny niggle - first line - I have lived in a thatched cottage, I can't recall hearing rain beating on the roof - but I accept that I may be mistaken.

Also, is there a typo 'Why yes sir - do know where he is?' or is that a colloquialism?

Overall well done

regards

Cyrus - 'Hellion 1'

Hi Steve

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Thanks for reading and commenting Tracy

... Although this is not my usual genre, I enjoyed reading it.

Tracey

Steve,
You have a convincing style that immediately transported me back in time. The dialogue is wonderfully written. I read the first four chapters and found that I could picture the characters and settings well.
The title is intriguing.
You have clearly done a lot of research before writing this and I felt that it was historically accurate. Although this is not my usual genre, I enjoyed reading it.

Tracey

Thanks Connie..

... Delightful. High stars.

Connie King
Sinners and Shadows. ...

Steve, I knew I'd like Rain in My Shoes - a great title by the way! - after taking a peek at the short pitch. Now although I like historical fiction, I don't usually read back as far as the seventeen hundreds (usually early 1900's).
. But surprisingly, you've managed to change my mind. You portray the era, with its hardships and poverty, excellently, with a lot of empathy. I've read up to chapter four and this is one book I'll definitely be coming back to in a day or two to finish.

Lovely chatty dialogue

Descriptions: ( I always take a mental note and you didn't disappoint) You paint a lovely picture .

Narrative - was very good. plenty of show and not tell.

Characters were believable and each had their own voice.

All in all I found Rain in my Shoes a touching, heart-warming, poignant story - full of spirit.

Delightful. High stars.

Connie King
Sinners and Shadows. .

Thank you...

Diana
Thank you for reading and commenting on 'Rain In My Shoes'...

Good sense of history, time and place, some believable characters and the scene set well in the opening couple of chapters. I think you have drawn in your readers so that they will want to carry on reading and follow your characters through the story. Like the use of language and the identifiable way each person talks.
Cariad.

"I would have liked to read on to find out more…I will buy this book…It’s one of the best and my kind of reading…It lacks for nothing.

Six stars and on my shelf!"

Neville Kent. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE

Hi Fran,

Thank you so much for reading and rating 'Rain In My Shoes'

best regards

Dear Steve

I have just finished reading chapter one of your book.

Reading your story is a bit like taking a trip into a Catherine Cookson. Your voice is clear and firm, the setting is well depicted, your characters are well drawn and their lives tug at my heartstrings whether I want them to or not.

Your writing has an irresistible quality about it, that keeps us reading. You should have no problem attracting more support if you decide to upload more of your story. Rated.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Hi Diana
Pleased that you read and liked 'Rain In My Shoes'

best regards

As others have mentioned here, your dialogue is excellent. It builds character, tells a back story and gives a sense of time and place.
I haven't read as much as I'd like, but you seem to have the start of a very good novel here.
I'll put it on my shelf as soon as there's room.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Hi Shelby

It's always pleasing to hear positive comments and remarks, so thank for reading .... 'Rain In My Shoes'

Very well written and very descriptive!
Good ideas that are written clearly and vividly.
Good work!

Shelby Z.

P.S. Check out my book Driving Winds, which is an adventures on the high Seas with Pirates and privateers!!!!!!

Hi Iva

Thank you so much for reading and backing 'Rain In My Shoes'...

best regards
Steve

Hi Jo
Thank you for your warm comments and for backing 'Rain In My Shoes'...

best regards
Steve

RAIN IN MY SHOES
This is an interesting period story. Your descriptions of the cottage, the wharf, the ship arriving – all well done. I like the way you introduce characters one by one and spend enough time with each before you go on to the next, a reader has a good idea of what each character is like. Dialogue is a strength; always brief and to the point. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

Hi Elina

Thank you for reading and backing 'Rain In My Shoes'...

best regards
Steve

Hi Susanna

Thank you for reading and backing 'Rain In My Shoes', and I am pleased that you liked the story. Thanks also for your observations and comments which are very helpful.

best regards
Steve

Hi Steve

I was really impressed with this and I love your style. Your dialogue is almost poetic in places and is steeped in the idioms and dialect of an18th century fishing village. Having said that, I thought your opening scene was a trifle top heavy with back story and a little repetitive at times. Once you gain more confidence you could easily trim/edit it. You paint a wonderful picture of the quayside and Jane's independence and spirited character shine through.

A couple of nitpicks: I wasn't happy about the cat 'hopping' into the room, I think sloped would be a better word. I also thought that the phrase were you describe the air 'fresh with mist' but 'bright and clear' was a bit contradictory and on top of that I found it a bit unnecessary the way you kept using her surname. That was established in the first two paragraphs and reiterated by the ship's mate. There is no need to keep using it.

I intend to back this Steve - because I think it shows real promise. However, I do have a couple of concerns. One is the picture of shoes in your cover. I think you should have a tall masted sailing ship on your book cover to show the readers what it is about.

I also think that you should consider reclassifying the novel as Young Adult fiction. As a reader of Historical fiction I would never pick up this book because your protagonist is a very young girl, without a job and who is missing her daddy. I only read/buy books about adults. However, I think as fiction for a young adult, this would go down a storm. I work with young people. It is highly unusual and original. Anyway, that is my two penneth worth. Please remember that this is just my opinion.

Best wishes

Susanna
'The Missing Heiress'

Hi LR
Thanks for reading and backing...

best regards

Steve

Hi Lana

Thanks for reading and commenting positively

best regards
Steve

Hi Dee

Thanks for reading and backing 'Rain In My Shoes'...

best regards
Steve

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for commenting on 'Rain In My Shoes', and for your positive remarks...

Steve

Steve,
I was more than happy to back this and echo earlier comments that this is a promising project. I'll definitely return to see how the edits go.
I agree with the need to vary things. When you move from dialogue to prose you nearly awlays start with a name or a pronoun. Similarly you sometimes have an 'and' too many in sentences.
Thinking about an agent's recaction It might be worth looking at the repetition of 'night' in the second line of the opening paragraph. It might make an agent think you're going to keep doing that and, as a result, they'll hold back from reading more.
Good luck with this.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

Hi Patricia,

Thank you for backing 'Rain In My Shoes', and for your welcome observations and support.

Best wishes
Steve

Your writing is strong, your images vivid and your characters come alive. However, you might vary your sentences since most of them start with a pronoun or noun.

Hi Kay,
Thank you for reading and commenting so generously on 'Rain In My Shoes', and so pleased that you were drawn into this family tale...

best regards
Steve

You have a wonderful tale here, Steve, with so many elements to lead readers on, find out what happens to whom, as well as the fully-rounded picture of life in those times, of the seafaring wars in those times. Bravo.

Highly starred, and backed as soon as I possibly can for you - with a whistle aboard if I could muster it.

From Kay-Christina
(*Annacara*)

Steve, I am transported to the world of my ancestors... (a Master Shipwright et al)! It's also worthy of comparison to the Doones and Ridds of yore, not to mention Hornblower. Steeped in the history of the French wars for the Carib, as well as life as it was in an English seafaring town.

Jane is lovely, and I can see her delight in that pendant, and her rain-sodden shoes. (Ah, perhaps, methinks, one too many a mention of those shoes in ch.1... ). The wonderfully named Cat is on my lap as we speak. Granma is a dear, and I think she has plans for our Miss Trickett... The introduction of her perfect. If only Joshua can ever replace his beloved Lydia.

Joshua Bubb is such a well-rounded character, a bear of a man. No wonder his ship-mates look up to him - and what a living, breathing *contest* with a whip-saw we have in ch.5, down to the ever-grinning man, Dean.

What the Captain bids the bonded Joshua to do is fascinating. Shades of WW2 trickery for 1791, and I so hope it really happened! And if it did not, then it should.

Oh, forgive me, but *Leftenant*??? An error or is that how it was spelt then? Ha.

It's so interesting, too, what happened in the Court. I'm also intrigued as to why the miserable little clerk said such things about the Bubbs and Lydia.

You have a wonderful tale here, Steve, with so many elements to lead readers on, find out what happens to whom, as well as the fully-rounded picture of life in those times, of the seafaring wars in those times. Bravo.

Highly starred, and backed as soon as I possibly can for you - with a whistle aboard if I could muster it.

From Kay-Christina
(*Annacara*)