The Sword. What Sword?

Hi there, thanks for your comments on 'From Magic to Memphis'

I like your opening premise, its fresh and unexpected (even after I read the blurb), the oddness of it really works. I do think you need to shorten the whole set up piece though, i.e. the first few paragraphs and get to the real event more quickly, e.g. the assignment. In particular, that first couple of sentences (which are critical to get as near to perfection as possible) are slightly confusing. Its the 'getting something 'x' length' down to something 'y length' that is distracting. I had to read it a couple of times before I understood the context. Maybe your could simplify what he's doing at that point?

And I'm watchlisting - good luck with it

Julie

Leprechauns and Duffs! What a great opening chapter! Straight into the story and we just know that there will be problems head! A six foot leprechaun compared to my short fat Hoppin! fantastic!! I like the POV..works really well and the pace was great...Will try and red on but onto my shelf anyway!

sorry!!! Lost this somehow...found again and will read this week! Apologies...

Will be adding this to my watch list so I can read more later.. I love the concept..
Yvonne

Wow - this is different. A very original idea. I must admit when I read the first few paras, I couldn't match it up to the pitch until he casually dropped in the leprechaun bit. I did feel that you were explaining too much though - a bit to much tell. I'd rather you showed us all of this in Sean's interactions with other characters. Good dialogue, good sense of place though. And it holds my interest enough to read on.

This looks great, totally up my alley... putting it on my watchlist. Would love it if you would take a look at Sydney Wakefield -- it's for kids but you might like it. Thanks!
Kim

Richard,
I have read the beginning of your book. It's an interesting idea - that leprechauns might not actually be little and green, but physically indistinguishable from us. I thought that Hughes has an interesting slant on life, and an engaging chatty tone. The problem for me is the amount of straight explanation of the backstory. This is perhaps a cliche, but I think it would really help you - start your story at chapter two - work into the conversation where he meets the girl some backstory thoughts - but I'm a lep. I couldn't get involved, could I? etc. Their meeting is reported, after the first chapter which is mostly explanation, before you get into direct action and dialogue. I think people appreciate this as a hook - everyone (well me anyway!) is so visual nowadays - you want to be closer to the action, involved and wrapped up in a dilemma for the main character pretty quickly. God, now I sound like I'm lecturing. Sorry. I liked the newspaper office, and thought you had a good clear style, and brought in interesting detail about the social dynamics - perhaps start there, witha little less explanation of who he really is in this first chapter. I hope this is helpful.
Tricia.

Richard,

thanks for putting my book on your shelf - had to come and have a look. You know, I do have to agree with the comment re:your start point. There seems like too much narrative up front. I've struggled with this myslef (I've just changed my start point yet again, it won't be the flashback to the concert afterall). What I'm learning is that the first few paragraphs are ABSOLUTELY critical, both in getting a deal and having the book be bought and read. I think your style is sassy, and your current start point doesn't do you justice. hope that helps, good luck with it, Julie (will watchlist you of course!) xx

I have heard that a lot so I chopped about 5 pages out of the first two chapters and combined them. Things get moving quite a bit more quickly now. Thanks for the advice.

Richard,

thanks for putting my book on your shelf - had to come and have a look. You know, I do have to agree with the comment re:your start point. There seems like too much narrative up front. I've struggled with this myslef (I've just changed my start point yet again, it won't be the flashback to the concert afterall). What I'm learning is that the first few paragraphs are ABSOLUTELY critical, both in getting a deal and having the book be bought and read. I think your style is sassy, and your current start point doesn't do you justice. hope that helps, good luck with it, Julie (will watchlist you of course!) xx

Once I started I had to finish. Can't wait for the sequel.

Richard,

I think your story starts at 'I'm a leprechaun'. Before that, there is no indication that the character isn't human. He's in a boring job in a boring time of the year. There is a mention of software but I don't get why he finds it interesting.

After the leprechaun statement, the chapter launches into a huge infodump. I'm not saying the information is bad, but I really think that having it right here stops the story in its tracks. I'm interested in what interests him in the job. The backstory and history of leprechauns can be spread out and covered later.

Richard,
You are on my watchlist. I will get back to you when I have a chance to read.
Thanks,
Charity

Reminds me a lot of Jim Butcher's Dresden Files. Sarcastic, humorous, solid storyline. A definite buy.

I love the way the book jumps right in. Nothing turns me off quicker than having to wade through half a book just to get to a point where the actual story finally starts. Many, many fantasy books I've picked up spend 100 pages on setting the stage. Glad you decided to step outside of that particular box.

Two particular thumbs up I want to mention- you maintained good control over the humor. It was well placed and enhanced the story and never detracted from scenes of suspense. Secondly I appreciate the way you assume your reader to be an individual of intelligence and education. Not sure how many spotted the character created by Bram Stoker.

Now there is obviously a set up for a sequel. Can you hurry up and post it please (has it been written yet?). I'm eager to keep going.

This story is really good and it works well in first person. Good work and I can see this going up the charts quickly.

I've pushed this story up in my watchlist to read so have only had time to read two chapters but I love that he's a leprechaun, and a journalist, now that's a neat idea.

You have to let people know it's here so they have the chance to read it.