The Bohemian Pirate

I've read the whole story and I'm glad I did. The different stories told to Swithin shows how unique everyone is and how everyone has a story to tell. Beaufort's story shows how people can be misjudged simply because they are different. The writer included herself in the story in a marvellous way, giving us insights into the characters' futures. Although I'm not elderly, the story I identified with the most was the one of the old woman who got lost intentionally because she didn't want the man who gave up his bus-seat for her to feel bad. Life is truly an oyster, and sometimes there's more to a person than meets the eye. Beautifully-told!

Great short pitch, it got my attention. The first half of the long pitch is good, but from "Finally the mystery..." it seemed more like a sales pitch rather than a book pitch, and for me was a little off putting. The book itself is a nice gentle read, with enough to keep me interested. I could imagine reading this on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Best of luck with it. E McP

short pitch: i'm not a fan of the rhetorical question in pitches. i'd rather you make a direct statement.

long pitch: i think it should be broken into paragraphs with a double space after "change in his life". it just makes it more visually appealing. i also wonder if you need to include information on how the story will be told. i'd cut 'much of the interest in this story' and what follows. instead of telling me the story is interesting and whimsical, let the pitch speak for itself.

chapter one: i like the opening but i think your first line needs a slight tweak. something more like: "some things can only be found when you're not looking for them." i loved the rest of this description.

some commas are missing- an easy fix.

this is an interesting perspective and the last paragraph creates a degree of suspense. thanks for the read.

good book, great idea, told very well with effective narrative and dialogue...
on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

I read the first three chapters.

General comments: An engaging start. An interesting main character. Clever wit. Good descriptions. Not much tension. Good pacing.

Specific comment on the first chapter:
1) No nits.

Specific comment on the second chapter:
1) "I wish you the best of luck. Burt what exactly ... " Should 'Burt' be 'but'? Also, consider replacing the ellipsis with an em-dash. Use an ellipsis for hesitation. Use an em-dash for interruption. Swithin seems to have been interrupted by Windley, so an em-dash seems appropriate. There are more cases where an em-dash is appropriate.

Spcific comments on the third chapter:
1) 'She was in her early 50's and was dressed smartly, ... ' Spell out numbers 1-99. There are more cases where numbers should be spelled out.
2) "That's it!" she said. That's from "Maud Muller" by John Greenleaf Whittier." Put an opening quote mark before 'That's.'

I hope this critique helps you further polish your splendid opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for reading and commenting on "Savannah Fire."

Have a wonderful day.

Al

This is such an unusual book. It is a cleverly woven collection of short stories with the cafe providing the common thread. Beautifully written and insightful. I loved it.

I found your writing refreshing and easy to follow, having read Chapters 1 to 3. At first I thought the pace was a bit too slow but then the American woman was introduced in chapter 3 and her story about the British Museum added some colour and made me sit up. I wish all the best with it.