Fifth Season

Comedy is a blessing,

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

Greetings, Barina-- I've just read Chapter 1 of "Fifth Season" with pleasure and admiration. I like the way it cruises through several fine characterizations to arrive back at Rob, leaving several threads that could mesh into an exciting plot. I suggest, though, that a few lines be added to nudge the reader into Chapter 2--a "cliffhanger," if you will.

Your support of "Burnt Umber" and "Fifth Season's" own style indicate a preference for literary fiction. Which leads me to the main purpose of this note: to introduce my quite-different literary novel "The Doctor of Summitville." Essentially a realistic love story, it could be called literary in that medicine as practiced long ago (c. 1930) is intrinsic to the theme. The book, complete here, concerns a young country doctor's fateful efforts to free an orphan girl from bondage to her abusive uncle. Over 400 authors have been highly complimentary. I hope you'll read it, like it, and give it a turn on your shelf while I continue the very compelling "Fifth Season." --Best wishes, Bill

Wonderful Job! Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Backed the Fifth Season. Great idea for the title. Well written. Only suggestion: the first five paragrpahs of chapter 2 all start with the name Toni. Might want to vary your sentences. Hope you will take a look at our book, Dark side.
CC Brown

Literary fiction is not my genre, but I really enjoyed (The) Fifth Season. It's beautifully written - a virtual tapestry of finely-woven words and phrases which, quite honestly, made me feel inadequate to comment. What IS such a polished piece of work doing on this site anyway - am I missing something? I read 4 chapters, and then went over to see what other people have said. Yes, I agree, the characters are introduced a little too hurriedly (give them more time to breathe?) and yes, this would most definitely (with a capital D!) work better in the third person, but by chap 3, where the (excellent) dialogue between Andy and Sam kicks in, I was genuinely hooked. And Oggi the cat is delicious - a real scene-stealer. My favourite line? "Fancy some fish, my furry former-fucker?' I just tried that on my white cat Frou-Frou, and she ran away.

Pleeeeeese go for the third person - this is such a great book.

6 stars for now, will be giving you some shelf time after your next edit (*pls remind me!)

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

Chapter 1 is really enjoyable, beautifully written and entertaining.
Backed and highly starred with pleasure, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

What a delightful concept Fifth Season puts forward: a time when things don’t quite fit.

Author Jonathan M Barrett weaves an amusing tale that very subtly pokes fun at everything from the way businesses run to how people sometimes accidentally build relationships that would seem out of place otherwise. This is not a drop off your chair laughing type of stroy, but more of a chuckle a minute type where you have to think for a moment before getting the joke. In that way, I found the writing quite refreshing, like a fruity rose wine instead of a hard red or white.

The details are well fleshed out. Readers will get a real sense of place of small town New Zealand where most of the story takes place. There are a lot of sensory descriptions as well to keep things interesting, and good dialog between characters.

I think Fifth Season will appeal to people who are serious readers and don’t want to stray too far from hardcore literary fiction, but who are looking for a bit of a change of pace. Fifth Season is lighter fare without getting anywhere close to campy. It should prove especially popular with the book club circuits when published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

love this book, thankyou!

love this book, thankyou!

Hi Jonathan,
There are lots of things I like about your writing and this book. I like the present tense, which I've used in my second book. It's harder to write, but is good for keeping up pace.
There are few criticisms to be found because the book is so well edited.
I was a little confused at Andy and Samantha taking up a more prominent part than expected in the pitch.
I also felt maybe Rob and Toni could get to Exmouth a little quicker, and spend more time discovering the Fifth Season (which is an intriguing concept on several levels).
I thought your dialogue and ability to make corporate life descriptions interesting are real skills and something I try to avoid.
There might be more scope to add humour by more over the top behaviour by some characters, maybe?
Short pitch: Describes the book, not sure if there is enough of a hook?
Long pitch: Like it.
Wonderful description, lots of metaphors/similes and great adjectives. Maybe sometimes I felt that there are too many adjectives in a sentence, but this is literary fiction so… go right ahead!
Had to look up “bonobo” which apparently is a rare chimpanzee. Not sure what the reference is to “touching base”.
Great writing. Best wishes for the story.
Ian

Reading as requested.
Your writing is very smoothe, flows well, without any grammatical errors. Which is unusual to find here!
There are a lot of characters, but they are all descriptively different. Very well done.
As for the comedy aspect, I didn't always get the joke, so to speak. But then, I'm really not a comedy reader.
Prefer angst and agony, don't know what that says about me!
But, over all, this is a well crafted story.
I can't really find anything to criticise.
All the best, Orma.

Jonathan-

The premise for this book is perfect. It's a simple and elegant idea but definetly had me thinking. What a perfect back drop for the story of all these flawed characters!

As mentioned in other comments, this story is extremely well-polished and has little error as far as grammar and style. So I will just touch on a few overall concepts and how the book made me feel.

At the start, you introduced a lot of information to us very quickly. And while this all fit together and read seamlessly, it was still overwhelming and left me a little confused as to who exactly the characters were until later chapters. You would mention Tina or Owen and I would think, "Ok, who is this person again?" Because your novel is relatviely short at 63K, I think you could add some longer characterization to the begining and give us more of an idea of who people are before we jump right into the lightning-speed of their individual plots. I love the fast pace, but we need a foundation to start with. Later on, swithcing between characters can occur more quickly because we have a grasp on them, but in the begining it is jarring and almost turned me away.

The other issue I have is that there is a slight desire in me for more catharsis. I know it is stylistically trendy and relevant right now to leave some open ends but for this story with so much detail, I think we need a little more meat. Maybe an epilogue would work nice here? I know there are some subtle hints to where the lawsuit may go, but as to what actually happened to Artemis - I'm not 100% sold either way. I realize this may be the piont, but I'm extremely invested in her, and I want to know who to blame and why. And I want to know exactly! :)

The last thing is a tiny nitpick - but what happened in the wine cellar? I swear I thought there was something in the drinks? If not, I'm not really sold on that scene and I don't get it. It may be that I just didn't understand or am not catching something that others are or will.

Also, I think it would work better as The Fifth Season. Just a nitpick.

I mention those few things, because everything else about this novel is perfect. I was impressed by the authentic feel of the intricacies of modern business. The plot is contemporary and gripping, the characters are extremely well-developed and I sympathized and/or empathized with every one of them while reading. I read the entire eight chapters and enjoyed every single one. I would buy this book. It was a fun read.

-Katy
The Promenade

So I'm checking out the books just ahead of mine on the ED rankings. How will my book fare against others near the same level? But I'm stumped. I have no idea what YOUR book is doing down here, lurking in the back alley with my rather pedestrian offering. The cat pads, arrives, and insinuates. You have a way with the sentence, with characterization, with pretty much every aspect of writing. Your writing is mannequin svelte, with an audacious bob.

Sheesh.
~AudreyB

This is of a quality that I have rarely seen on Authonomy. Whereas many of our books are works in progress, I find this one to be highly polished and complete in most respects.

This is not my normal choice of subject matter, but the subtle characterization and style made it difficult for me to stop reading. Dangerous stuff, because I started reading this during my lunch break at work, and the next thing I knew...well...let's just say, I'm glad my boss didn't walk by.

I enjoy your style of writing. It's easy to get ham fisted when we wan't our readers to identify with, or dislike characters. You resist the urge of being gross, shmaltzy, or one dimensional, by allowing your characters to grow organically, revealing their insecurities and flaws through their actions and thoughts as the story progresses.

There is a gentle self depreciating humor through all of this, something unexpected in a novel that deals with such strong subject matter.

But what I really enjoyed was the dialogue.

The one thing that grated on me at first, was the perspective you used to write the story. I think it could be described as third person omniscient present tense. It's very difficult to pull off without sounding pretentious.
By the end of the first chapter, it was no linger an issue for me, I was enjoying the story.

If others have an unreasonable prejudice against that particular point of view (A subject that has been discussed to DEATH on the forums here :-), Then I hope they get over it and continue reading. I'm very glad I did.

Thank you for sharing this with us here on Authonomy. I tend to put books on my shelf and only remove them when they make the desk, or I find something I think is better.

Yours is there for the long haul.

Bob

Hi Catherine
We are very grateful for your considered and insightful feedback on Jonathan's Fifth Season. We replied a couple of days ago but I can't see it here so will respond again.

I was very impressed by your review of Voilet Wells' Burnt Ochre and then started to read, enjoy and recommend Cadmium Yellow, so really appreciate your comprehensive comments.

Thank you for your feedback about the pitch - we have changed it a couple of times following comment from authonomy members.

We've had mixed reaction to using the present tense. Some, like you, have found it difficult to read, others like the immediacy and pace it brings. We are debating rewriting it.

Thank you for your comment about the numbering of episodes - we will think hard about the value it adds.

Cadmium Yellow is my favourite book at the moment. I think I actually know Emma and Victoria and will look them up to give some advice. I will feedback separately from this reply.

Barina Barrett

Hi Tom
Nice review! Thank you very much for taking the time to read and feedback on Jonathan's Fifth Season - certainly much appreciated. We have added From Hugs to Kisses to our watch list and very much look forward to reading it.
Barina Barrett

Hi Rena
Thanks for this great review. Thank you for those kind words - we are so pleased you enjoyed Jonathan's Fifth Season so much! We have added Master of the Miracles to our watchlist and look forward to reading it
Barina Barrett

I didn't read this book for typos or anything like that because that isn't my specialty - I read it like I would read a novel - sat down and tried to see if the story would keep my attention and take me away.

And it did. And how.

I could picture all of the people - the scenes. I like the idea of the novel and the structure is neat.

Nothing jarred me or stopped me as I read. I found the characters interesting and the dialogue realistic and there were many witty lines and even very well written descriptions that gave me pause to savor the language used.

Very well done. I think I would enjoy picking this one up and bringing it home with me.

- Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

hello Jonathan--
Book--
-Fifth Season-

After reading the first five chapters, i can see that this book is full of delightful tongue in cheek humour;
Every line so gritty, and snappy; it certainly is a read for the young adult to relate to'; in particular, those working in the Insurance business.
Dialogue flies along at ten to the minute, with so many characters appearing on the scene that one has to keep focused. All in all and enjoyable romp moving as it moves along a brisk pace

tom bye
from hugs to kisses'
although mine is a different genre, perhaps you would take a glance and rate as you see fit, thanks

Intriguing title, and an attractive cover.

Short pitch: this works. Makes me want to read on.

Long pitch: excellent. One of the best I've read.

Thursday

1. I'm disappointed to see this is written in present tense. Easier to write, yes, but much harder to read. Having said that, the opening is still gripping. Complex, and requires slow reading to catch every nuance, but I'm enjoying myself. The works party is great fun and full of very witty observations.

2. Short and to the point. Gives the reader all some nicely organised points regarding Artemis, along with good background on Toni.

3. Nice little twist regarding Samantha's identity and Rob's ignorance of who he was talking to. Interesting exploration of Andy and Samantha's relationship. Maybe a bit too much at this point? I'm more interested in Rob than Andy. On the other hand, it makes for a good change of pace.

4. Great descriptive writing.

Friday

5. More twists. Owen is clearly not going to be the stereotype he appeared to be at first. Or if he is a stereotype, he's one with a role to play other than the obvious.

6. A very short episode. I'm not entirely convinced by this numbering of episodes. Is it necessary? I'm also still unconvinced by the tense, as if you're going to write in present tense you need to be absolutely consistent, and you're not. For example, the end of this section goes into past, presumably because Andy's thinking about the people who have just gone past him ('One was Sir Gerald...), but it would be easier on the reader to keep it in present ('One is Sir Gerald...) or, ideally, put everything into the past.

7. Good section. Moves the plot along effectively.

That'll do for now. I expect I'll return to this, as I'm interested in the characters and the plot and am keen to know how it'll all work out. The writing is immaculate apart from the tense business. You're such a good writer, I'm at a loss to know why you did that. But never mind. It's a great book. Going on my watch list so that I don't forget to come back and read some more.

Wow, what a great review - thank you very much. We will take another look at the car scene. Really appreaciate your taking the time to read and give such useful and comprensive feedback
Barina

Lots to catch the attention in the pitches to this. The concept of a ‘fifth season’ is new to me. ‘Gently comic but moving’, ‘bitter sweet romance’, ‘love stories of ambition and folly’. This sounds like the sort of tale I’d like.
Present tense immediately catches the attention and raises queries in my mind - difficult to sustain but you do it pretty well excepting Samantha’s thoughts on who she met at the corporate do when she is in the car with Andy. Moving into these and then back to the present, still in the car felt awkward to me.
I loved ‘conversations that coil back on themselves like mobius strips’ and that
‘going forward’ quip.
The case of Artemis Washburn and the ‘fifth season’ are dropped seamlessly into the fabulous opening corporate get together where Rob’s character is firmly established and already I have warmed to him
Less of an introduction, but still a telling one to Toni Haast and the link of the insurance claim of Artemis is to the forefront. That link will clearly lead her shortly to Rob.
In ch3 I was pleased to have it confirmed that the beauty at the bar was the CEO’s wife. The Andy/ Samantha relationship is not mentioned in the pitch so worried that this is of little relevance to the main plotline. Glad to get back to Rob with whom we started.I will be rooting for him as this moves on. One of the best reads I’ve come across on this site recently.

Lots to catch the attention in the pitches to this. The concept of a ‘fifth season’ is new to me. ‘Gently comic but moving’, ‘bitter sweet romance’, ‘love stories of ambition and folly’. This sounds like the sort of tale I’d like.
Present tense immediately catches the attention and raises queries in my mind - difficult to sustain but you do it pretty well excepting Samantha’s thoughts on who she met at the corporate do when she is in the car with Andy. Moving into these and then back to the present, still in the car felt awkward to me.
I loved ‘conversations that coil back on themselves like mobius strips’ and that
‘going forward’ quip.
The case of Artemis Washburn and the ‘fifth season’ are dropped seamlessly into the fabulous opening corporate get together where Rob’s character is firmly established and already I have warmed to him
Less of an introduction, but still a telling one to Toni Haast and the link of the insurance claim of Artemis is to the forefront. That link will clearly lead her shortly to Rob.
In ch3 I was pleased to have it confirmed that the beauty at the bar was the CEO’s wife. The Andy/ Samantha relationship is not mentioned in the pitch so worried that this is of little relevance to the main plotline. Glad to get back to Rob with whom we started.I will be rooting for him as this moves on. One of the best reads I’ve come across on this site recently.

Hi Jonathan

I haven't got a clue how this book got on my watchlist, but there it was, so I read :) I found very little wrong with it, although I dislike present tense usually. I'd also suggest putting each chapter in a separate Authonomy chapter - its quite long this way, and people are more likely to find themselves turning to the next chapter if they are shorter.
As for notes, I only made 2:

'super-salesman'
and
'shovel of a fist' doesn't make sense. Shovel of a hand, yes, but for fist, I think you need something else - something first-shaped (boulder, even?)

That's it. Nothing else stood out to me. It's well written with good pacing. Good luck with it :)

I'd appreciate it if have time to have a read of mine too, but I can't expect more than a brief comment, since I can't think of much to say about yours :s

Thanks very much Cass - so glad you enjoyed it - that's what it's all about. Jonathan's novel, Fifth Season, has eight sections over eight days. And each of those days have several chapters. I think Ross based his review on the first two days. We've changed the pitch a bit, based on your comments - see what you think. And yikes, please send the typos through! I want this to be perfect!
Sunflower is on our list to read - looking forward to engaing with your work
Thanks again for your valuable comments.
Barina Barrett

Hmm. I read this, all 8 chapters posted. I'm puzzled, because I notice Ross has reviewed you based on 12 chapters, so I'm wondering if you took some away.

Regardless, this was two fine evenings of entertainment. At the end, I feel bad for almost everyone in the book - the good guys and bad guys alike. It's been classed as a comedy, and you mention comedy in the pitch, so perhaps there's something wrong with me. I feel like I should have laughed more, but I was just worrying about them all so much.

The whole three typos I found don't merit mentioning. I'll try to back you for a bit when I get a free slot to work with.

Just read a few chapters of Fifth Season and Jonathan, you're a genius. This is so well written. Witty, sarcastic, brillantly observed. Couple of things:
Byron and Kyron....really? Who would be so cruel!
There's a line (Was it definitely was non-malignant?) the word 'was' used twice
Tui – made me smile, a kiwi book for sure :-)
Bonobos - I have no idea what that means?
This is going on my shelf. I'm so glad Ross recommended this. Have you tried submitting this to publishers in NZ? I will read the rest when I have time (hopefully soon) because I'm really enjoying it.
Tammy

Hmm. I read this, all 8 chapters posted. I'm puzzled, because I notice Ross has reviewed you based on 12 chapters, so I'm wondering if you took some away.

Regardless, this was two fine evenings of entertainment. At the end, I feel bad for almost everyone in the book - the good guys and bad guys alike. It's been classed as a comedy, and you mention comedy in the pitch, so perhaps there's something wrong with me. I feel like I should have laughed more, but I was just worrying about them all so much.

The whole three typos I found don't merit mentioning. I'll try to back you for a bit when I get a free slot to work with.

Will follow of the progress of this with interest. The other half used to live in Christchurch, now in the UK.

- Fifth Season -

(Based on chapters 1-12)

This is very, very good. I don't think I'm going to have anything in the way of constructive criticism to offer - and I almost always do. The characters are superbly shaped and, even when they are way over the top like Owen, completely believable. The dialogue is fantastic, I especially liked the bullshit bingo set piece at the start. And the story develops extremely well. The mini, micro in some cases, chapters and the present tense narrative keep things firing along at pace and the switching of points of view between characters in each chapter gives the story depth. There is some wicked, clever humour and wonderful satire on a superficial business world. I really, really enjoyed this. Is that coming across?

Is it publishable? I hope so. This is the very first new manuscript on the site that feels absolutely ready from the off. I wonder if publishers would rather it not be in the present tense, to make it more comfortale to a wider audience, but I have zero expertise in this area so it's just a general musing rather than something I'm sure of.

A truly excellent read. Bloody brilliant!