Book Jacket

 

rank 1703
word count 16237
date submitted 14.08.2011
date updated 06.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Horror
classification: moderate
incomplete

Plague

Lisa Hinsley

A new strain of bubonic plague sweeps across the country, killing everyone who becomes infected. Despite enforced quarantine, there’s no stopping the plague.

 

A new strain of bubonic plague is diagnosed in London. Before it can be contained it spreads through the population, faster and more deadly than anyone could have imagined. Three weeks is all it takes to decimate the country.


Johnny tells Liz not to phone the NHS when their young son starts to show symptoms. But she ignores him and a few hours later the army arrives and boards them into their house.


Now Nathan is dying and there is nothing they can do to help him. Hours pass like weeks as their little boy grows weaker and weaker. All Liz wants is that they die with some dignity but the authorities refuse to help. Then the broadband dies and the phones stop working. Cut off from the world and boarded into their house, the family try their best to cope. But there is nothing they can do to stop the plague.

 
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tags

bubonic plague, hinsley, murder, plague, quarantine, sick

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17 comments

 

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LizX wrote 79 days ago

This was a really well constructed opening that just dragged me in to read on. Dialogue was very realistic and I felt Liz's anger and frustration straight off.

Only thing I can say.... wish there was more of it!

FrancesK wrote 79 days ago

wow! Is this published? I'm going to check it out on Amazon right now. It's exactly how I imagine it will be - in real life. I love the claustrophobic, panicky house sealing, the isolation, the sick baby who is entirely blameless, the 100% death rate... cannot imagine how it will end with anyone alive - but if it does, then, sister, please check out Dollywagglers for what happened afterwards! Six stars and a shelving this month, and I'll buy it if I can.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 81 days ago

PLAGUE
This is a scary, scary story. Because it could really happen. I thought the BBC announcement was strange, that people should stay home. Shouldn’t they add something about calling a help line or a doctor? One of the best things about this is yur writing style. It’s just right for this: crisp with brief explanations so the story is constantly moving. Great topic and a good read. Highly starred and added to my list. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

M. A. McRae. wrote 90 days ago

I bought this book, so was able to read it all. It will put you through an emotional wringer. You will feel that you lived it along with Liz and John and poor little Nathan. At the end is hope. This is an extraordinary book. Lisa is to be commended on her skill.
Lisa, I want to know what happens to Liz. Please write a sequel.
Marj.

David J Baron wrote 166 days ago

Love the idea - can't wait to read more. A good heart thumping pace - the best post-apocalyptic stories always have a very personal perspective, and The Plague captures that well.

On my watchlist until I have more room to back.

David J Baron - The List

Nick Goulding wrote 232 days ago

'Plague'
Your opening is quite poignant and chilling. There are other plague/virus books, of course, so it is important to take a different angle. You keep it very personal and domestic, which works well (I like the mother thinking about a Tesco delivery). I found Johnny a little too detached, somehow. I couldn't believe how much in denial he was and how unsupportive. Nathan's mother would detach emotionally from a clod who showed so little support.
I wondered if there might be more emotional power if we were able to build a little more empathy and understanding of the characters before the plague hits. It would be powerful if we already knew them and therefore experienced the loss of liked characters (or already anticipated the awful response of Johnny). Maybe if the plague was hitting the south so badly there would have been a run at supermarkets/pharmacies, etc. Perhaps a wave of mass panic was already affecting their lives, especially after such alarming news items? Maybe the old flashback/back story would work? I expected more gutsy, deeper emotion from a mother potentially about to lose her child.
An edit for minor typos would smooth out wrinkles - but problems are few: e.g. 'almost immediately she regretting the thought'.
Overall, this is well written, very readable and I am keen to follow it through and hope for an original ending.
Good work,
Nick
'Where She Lies'

ccb1 wrote 251 days ago

Backed Plague. Very timely with the H1N1 scare last flu season. Great beginning. Could feel the anguish of Liz and Johnny over Nathan showing symptoms of the plague. Writing is very good. Liked the phrase “slap him into action.” Noticed two minor errors in chapter 1 you might want to correct when you decide to revise.
1. Under Day One, paragraph 8: …but you never now-should be- but you never know.
2. Under Day One, paragraph 10: “The word ‘plague’.-should be-“The word “plague.”
Hope you will find time to read, star, comment, and shelf our book, Dark Side.
CC Brown

Markal wrote 251 days ago

Another cracking start to publishdom, Lisa.
Nicely done.

Mark.

Debbie wrote 278 days ago

You've done it again, Lisa. What can I say? :-)

Cariad wrote 282 days ago

Scary, gross and all too believable. I've read to chapter five so far. Wondering where its going to go from here.

Brittany Engstrand wrote 282 days ago

I've read quite a bit of this, even though I hadn't planned on it (I'm supposed to be studying haha) and I must say I'm really enjoying it! There are a lot of grammar issues, but nothing that can't be fixed with a read-through. My daughter was born Oct of 2008, so I related right away to Liz and Nathan and I think that's what drew me in even more. I knew right away what the purpose of the cat was, but I was still intrigued enough to keep going through more chapters and I plan to come back for the rest! With grammar aside, it took my by surprise. I wasn't expecting a story that has been told so many different ways to do that. Best of luck with this!

Brittany E.
Melaney and The Mirror/ My Last Notes

Bill Scott wrote 282 days ago

CHPT3

The dialogue between the mother and daughter is spot on

You might re-read the paragraph that starts, “And if she called it in maybe . . .” The first and two sentences seem to say the same thing. This may be intentional or could be left over from a previous edit. I bring it up because the rest of that paragraph is too strong to be diluted with repetition.

I got a little teary eyed with the daughter talking to the Mother on the phone. (Just to let you know I’m not dead inside)

Wow three is very emotional, the last half was intense, very real. (see if anyone else mentions the rain like teardrops from 2, sorry I know I already mentioned it, but the writing in three is so strong, the story elicits all the emotion you need, I’d hate for anyone to stop reading at 2)
BS
HAKTAW HEART

MrKarats wrote 282 days ago

I just ended chapter 6.
Lisa, this is all a very sad story. It got to me and I don't think I want to go on... Your close-up on this situation is perfect. And this is a very well written story, which makes it hard for the reader to escape the sadness.
End of chapter 4... holy crap -- I was reading the action of the father again and again (I'm not goin to spoil it for anyone)
It was all given in such a realistic way... I don't care how many movies there are about stuff like that. It was very strong, Lisa. I don't like stories like that. I don't want ever to be in their position and I can't hover over the words to find out what happens in the end.
You can tell me however in a short and consistent message :)
I am not one that comments on editing and grammar and stuff like this. We all need an editor eventually. I will note an inconsistency however : In chapter 1 Liz informs a doctor or a secretary that her son's birthday was May 15th, 2008. And at the end of chapter 4, after "the incident" it is mentioned through her thought that he was born "on a cold winter's night". (I know I am a freak when it comes to plot consistency... especially when I pay attention to what I read - which by the way you will find to be a rare case here on authonomy)

Good luck with it!

Yannis

Bill Scott wrote 282 days ago

Chpt 2 - nicely done, two nits

typo -- how the[y] hell would they know

"the rain dripped down the glass like teardrops" I think some people will like it, but for me i felt like the author was trying to illicit emotion from me.

The first two chapters are well written. I never want to watch a submarine movies because you just know it's going to end bad, a bunch of dudes trapped under water with a limited oxygen supply, I get the same feeling from this.

I wish you luck, you are obviously a skilled writer.
Best
Bill Scott
HAKTAW HEART

CarolinaAl wrote 282 days ago

I read your first chapter.

General comments: A touching start. A sympathetic main character. Excellent use of deep point of view. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) Excellent opening line. I'm hooked.
2) 'Liz felt the blood drain from her head.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the sensation as vividly as possible so the reader will experience it along with LIz. By doing this, you'll drawn the reader deeper into the scene.
3) "Can you confirm the first line of the patients address?" Patients (plural) should be patient's (possessive).
4) "Yes, tell me," she asked, suddenly angry. 'Suddenly angry' is telling. How did this 'anger' manifest in her? Consider showing its onset as realistically as possible. When you do this, the reader will become much more involved in the scene.
5) 'A chill passes over her.' 'Passes' should be 'passed' to keep the writing in the past tense.
6) 'A chill ran through her.' Five paragraphs up you also mention a 'chill.' Two mentions so close is one too many.

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and, if it's worthy, keep it in mind the next time you reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a marvelous day.

Al

Bill Scott wrote 282 days ago

Lisa,
You have a strong opening with the dead kitty (whoa that sounds funny) I liked "poorly" the first time I heard then when his Mom said it I thought 'yeh, that's OK the kid got it from his Mom, that makes sense' then the neighbor used it and at that point I wanted a different less colloquial word.
- RESISTANT to antibiotics is how it would be phrased in US and I'm imagining UK too, but don't know for sure.
-I hope you are setting me up to hate the big fingered lug on the couch because I already do.
on to 2
BS
HAKTAW HEART

Loz_d wrote 283 days ago

I've had a quick look and this up to your usual high standards. The plot does sound a little familiar. There is a movie with a very similar plot.

Anyway, the best of luck.

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