The Road That Was Taken (revised)

Read part of your book. It could use a new hook at the beginning, but that is just my opinion.
It has a unique style to it that is singular.
The idea for your book is creative.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

A great story! I enjoyed this very much.

Hooray! I've read the first four chapters. What a great job you've done with the revision. You must have found someone really talented to help. It flows so comfortably. I enjoyed reading it without strain. I'm also enjoying being introduced into an otherwise unfamiliar world. If I didn't put it on my watch list before, I will now. Congratulations!

Mona (Mrs. Job)

Amit, I had time to read chapter 4-6 and I have a few suggestions for you. I wish you the best with the book. Thank you for backing The Beholder. That means so much to me.

Chapter 4
- “Excuse me, can you tell me where room number 121 is?” The security guard at the entrance was so engrossed on the phone [consider, ‘engrossed in his phone conversation’];
- “Asshole, why are you staring at me? … He got up angrily from the bed. [perhaps ‘angrily’ is not needed here];
- The room was curious [consider omitting this part, or rephrasing ‘curious’];
- “Akash, boy you have made our day.” shouted Vikas … [day,” shouted Vikas];
- “I know Prashant. [you need a comma after ‘know’, I believe – it’s better to put commas around appositions].

Chapter 5
- Every organism, however tiny, is born with its own package of ego. We the four [I’d say, ‘The four of us’];
- The canteen, it was not a place … [I think it’s better to avoid repetition of the subject] It was definitely a boring site [‘site’ or ‘sight’ – not sure];
- The canteen was managed by a waiter … at lightening speed. [lightning];
- “Oh shut up Akash. [up, Akash.];
- “Yes, it is for you that we are unable … Akash you are the topper [Akash, you];
- “Come on Rahul don’t act as if you are a saint.” [“Come on, Rahul, don’t];
- “Absolutely; Prashant I am wondering … [Prashant, I am];
- “Fuck man, Prashant you are not serious, are you?” [Prashant, you];
- “May be you are correct. [“Maybe – as one word];
- “Come on Rahul, don’t pester him [“Come on, Rahul, don’t];
- The Department of Physiology occupied the right wing … May be it was not as important [Maybe];
- “I see her long, dark and beautiful hairs [hair];
- “Welcome to the party, boy; … Cool man, lust at first site.” [Cool, man, lust at first sight.”];
- “May be you are correct. … May be it is lust … [Maybe];
- “Mr Akash what did you say? … [Mr Akash, what];
- “I don’t like to be repeated Mr Akash.” [repeated, Mr Akash.”];
- “Gentleman you too can follow [“Gentleman, you].

Chapter 6
- “You guys are such an asshole [perhaps better, ‘such assholes’];
- “Thank God, she didn’t see our face.” [faces];
- “Oh come on Akash, relax man. Sweta, her name is Sweta.” [“Oh come on, Akash. Relax, man.];
- “The Biochemistry head; madam’s voice is so soft, you need to raise your ears [‘raise your ears’ sounds a bit odd; perhaps it’s better to rephrase; consider ‘to strain your ears’].

I hope that’ll help.
Kindest regards,
Ivan

hi
just read the first 3 chapter of you book. I found the narration in the first two chapters a little strange, slightly slow and I was unsure. At chapter 3 the story starts to pick up more. Just a thought, but I wondered if you had considered perhaps starting at chapter 3 and disgarding the chapters 1 and 2 altogether, this would make the begining stronger and you could allude back to your computing aspirations occasionally if you wanted to. The book is very different from things I usually read, and I wish you success with it.
regards
Barbara
Awakening the Magic

hi
just read the first 3 chapter of you book. I found the narration in the first two chapters a little strange, slightly slow and I was unsure. At chapter 3 the story starts to pick up more. Just a thought, but I wondered if you had considered perhaps starting at chapter 3 and disgarding the chapters 1 and 2 altogether, this would make the begining stronger and you could allude back to your computing aspirations occasionally if you wanted to. The book is very different from things I usually read, and I wish you success with it.
regards
Barbara
Awakening the Magic

The first two chapters seemed a bit slow but your story really has picked up in the 3rd chapter. Also what looked like a self conversation in the form of penning down your thoughts in your diary is nowhere to be seen after 2nd chapter. Though it seemed slow that way, the reader was associating with Aakash and getting personal touch with the story. You have skipped the details that weave a picture of the scene you talk about and included more of conversation which can be improved if you like. On the whole I liked what I read specially your experience as a doctor has been utilized to the full. Good work.

I still find the writing different to my taste and a little strange, but I think there are other readers who would enjoy your style. It has its own flavor, and tone, certainly. I wish you the best with this!
God bless!

--Shieldmaiden

First, I want to say the title of Chapter 3 gripped my attention. Your writing is accurate and flows well.
On the whole, I loved this chapter and there are only a few minor suggestions for you:
- It was normal for Dr Sridhar … but could imagine the eight odd corpses laughing … [and the next paragraph – ‘…Its permanent residents were eight cadavers peacefully laid…’] – you repeat the idea with different words. I’m not sure that works; if you speak about the same 8 corpses in the second case you may say ‘The eight permanent cadavers (or ‘residents’) lay peacefully / were peacefully laid … [you seem to use ‘cadavers’ too often in this paragraph; perhaps you’ll be able to find a way to avoid it];
- “Dear Students, I am Prof. Prema [I think it’s better to write ‘Professor Prema’ – the way she pronounces it];
- “On behalf of the Mysore Medical College … Ours is one of the oldest medical colleges in India. [IMHO, ‘It is one…’ instead of ‘Ours is one…’ would work better];
- The students and the teachers welcomed her with a clap. But my mind was already clouded. The eternal smell of formalin had already engulfed my mind. [the 2nd and 3rd sentences repeat one and the same idea – I’d recommend rephrasing these two sentences, perhaps turning them into one];
- “I knew the storm was coming and I had to face it alone. … It was time to face the real world.” – that is nicely done, Amit! I really look forward to reading the continuation.
I hope my suggestions will help – they are purely my thoughts on how your ms may be improved. You are, of course, free to decide what to do with these suggestions.

Kindest regards,
Ivan

Hi Amit,

I've read the first two chapters of 'The road that was taken' and offer my comments as per below;

With regards to the pitch I found this made me want to read on. I particularly like the line 'It wants to tear him apart piece by piece'. Most intriguing. Why does life want to do that to Akash? The answer of course is to read on. I also like the premise of your story, that of Akash following a certain path in life but is it the right one? I think that's something a lot of use can relate to.

I like the aspect of the diary because of course it gives us a chance to see Akash's innermost feelings. A nice idea.

Only part I'm a little confused about is in Chapter 2, and Akash's response to Basu's school visit. To me Akash's reaction to Basu's idea of students exploring all career opportunities seems a little unrealistic. Ultimately Akash wishes to be a computer programmer and seems to resent Basu for coming out of the doctors profession and doing a job he ultimately wished to do. Whatever Basu says shouldn't change Akash's outlook on life, but then I suppose if he see's Basu as a wise figure almost, as the other children do, then maybe that's where the confusion sets in.

I don't know. I just didn't quite get his reaction but maybe that's just me. Overall I like your style of writing and will come back to 'The road that was taken' to read more.

Best of luck with your writing.

Regards

Matt

Read your first chapter. I think I'd read it before, don't remember if I commented or not. The only mistake I notice is whenever someone is being addressed, such as "Yes, father." There should be a comma before his or her name. I noticed a few missing commas here and there. The pacing is good and I think this will make for an interesting read. Best of luck.

Trista

I've read some of this just now. Wow!! It's so much better, I'm honestly very impressed! I've added your book to my WL. I'll read the rest and back you as soon as I have an open spot!!
Well done doc!
Alret
xxxx

Dr Amit

There is potential here, in the flow of a good story. The boy is self conscious exactly as we would expect him to be, though I find his dread a little laboured, at times. The dialogue is good, the scene setting is exact. Your strengths lie in the scenes you describe, and in the flow, the ease of your writing, which feels natural. You can perhaps edit down some of the introspection and let the disappointment, for example, speak for itself.

A good story. Rated.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

I read all the chapters you have posted.

The writing has significantly improved since the last time I read this. Well done.

I have a few suggestions:
I echo another commentor on here who said that an American audience won't sympathize with Akash's extreme feelings in chapter one. There just isn't that type of attitude over here. Some American students feel like Akash does, but they are extremely rare. Additionally, American students usually resent those like Akash and often feel that they are "bragging", whining, or looking for attention. However, I don't know if that's a bad thing. My initial reaction was to be annoyed with Akash. In later chapters I started to understand and accept him. Maybe it is okay if that is how American readers feel about him initially, or even the entire way through. For us, it is an interesting and novel way for someone to feel.

In chapter three, the dialogue between Akash and his father ends with an awkward "ok" that doesn't seem to fit. Also, Akash calls him Father, dad, and papa. I would pick one and stick with it. Again, if you're worried about your American audience, papa is an older term from the previous century, and is usually reserved for referencing a grandfather.

We do not use the word "medicos". We just call them doctors or docs. Also it should be "maybe", not "may be". And a person's hair is not reffered to as "hairs". You would not say "she wore her hairs curly." It is simply, "She wore her hair curly."

In chapter five, your character swears a lot. I know that he is in college and growing up, but in the previous chapter he apoligized for using the word "twat". The change is just too dramatic for me. Also, there is a lot more dialogue between numerous individuals and we have no indication of who is saying what. The only indication we have is who is not saying it, because the name of the person being spoken to is often used in the speech. This can be confusing.

I am also a little put off by the student they refer to as the model. Their admiration of his physical appearance, especially at first, borders on sexual. It seems like they are actually attracted to him rather than just admiring him. I would consider toning it down a little.

In conclusion, this story has a surprisingly exciting and interesting plot. I say surprisingly, because I didn't expect to like a story about some smarty-pants and why he's sad he went to med school. But it really grew on me. And it has improved tremendously. I will be back to read more.

PS. Some of the profiles backing your book appear to have only your book and occasionally a few others that have a high rank on their bookshelf. They also seem to have only written one or two comments to only one book - yours. The style of the comments appears to be your style of writing. This is not a good way to garner support on this site. People see it as cheating and distasteful. In fact, there have been suggestions by some that HarperCollins should investigate high-ranking books and audit their supporters to make sure that accounts have not been created simply to support one novel and push it up the ranks. I would stop this practice before it backfires on you. Just a suggestion. Good luck with your novel!

-Katy
The Promenade

A really intriguing story... good plot.. interesting way to convey the message.i.e via the diary. the book as far as i can see it will be a smashing hit, the only reason being that the story will appeal to any student either in school or college. keep up the good work. although you do need to work on the grammar here and there.. plus it would be nice if you shaped some of your lines in a better fashion, just to give it a little more punch!...

p.s. Well Done. I'm loving the story so far. When it does come out i'm gonna be one of the first people to purchase it!

Good story. Nicely written so far. Will keep reading.

Regards,
AGC.

Amit,

Your book seems to have improved ten-fold :)

I love the premise now and the beginning has improved considerably. I remember reading your book till the end of the 4th chapter. I have gone back and read it again and the language is much better. Good to see that you are benefitting a lot from this site. Good Luck1

Hey Amit, I have read the first three chapters of the book and you have struck a highly interesting novel. The concept that you have picked up, I am sure, will highly appeal to the young readers and your use of simple language just backs it further. I had a glance at your book couple of months ago, when you uploaded it on the site and it sure looks to have had a major improvement since then. As a point of caution, I would ask you to make sure that you do not have any repetition of the words in your paragraphs. For example, in your 3rd chapter, there is a para where you describe the anatomy room that is full of dead bodies. I see, you have used the word used "Cadaver" almost 4-5 times in the same paragraph. It would be better if you could have used a synonym somewhere so that it might not sound repetitive. Thats what I felt. Just have a look.

The rest of it, as I said was quite good and have added it to my watchlist. Will move it to my shelf as soon as I can.

Mithun

I had time for the opening chapter tonight and I enjoyed reading it! Akash is definitely a vivid and unforgettable character whose failures and success become very important to me as a reader. From the very beginning he appeals to me and I sympathize with him after he finds out the results of 'Best Computer Student' competition and I'm over the moon reading the end of the chapter :)

This is really well written! You've thoroughly worked on this manuscript and it can be seen with the naked eye. I'd love to keep reading your book, Amit, and wish you the best with it! Embellished the page with looooots of stars! :)

Sincerely Yours,
Ivan Amberlake

Looking back at my original comment, I said I did not think much of chapters one and two. Chapter one looks much better now. It tells the same story, but in a more interesting way. My mother is Indian, the daughter of of a headmaster, who demanded his children always came first in class, so I understand your hero.
I can't comment on chapter 2, as only 1 will load. But if as with chapter one you have taken notice of critique to improve your book, I don't think I will be disappointed.
I was right about chapter two. It is good. Some might tell you 'dressing sense ' should be' dress sense'. But as this is in speech, and it is not an English person speaking, I think it's ok to leave it. .

I can't remember your original pitch, but this looks good. It is likely to attract a variety of readers. I can imagine that doctors, students (not just medical ones) and people who like human interest stories buying your book.

Amit

I don't know how much my notes will have changed, mostly because of the simple fact that a direct translation will still not makes sense. Indian-language sentences are put together differently to English-language sentences, so it still needs either a native English speaker or someone with very strong English skills to make it read right in English. For example, you write 'See our face!' I'm sure as a direct translation that is correct, but in English it isn't. 'Our' is plural whereas 'face' is singular, so it should either be 'see my face/see his face' or 'See our faces!' However, even then it is a little off, because no native English speakers would say "See our faces' - they would say something like "Look at our faces". I don't know if that really is a problem, though, because these characters are not native English speakers. Anyway, my notes:

'This morning' not 'today morning'

'See our face(s)!'

The idea of being nervous about exam results is one anyone can relate to. However, the idea of having to be the absolute best is not wide-spread here. Although everyone would, I suppose, like to be, obviously not everyone can be. So we settle for being as good as we can be. This kind of idea of being a failure if you aren't THE best is not a western one at all. For example, I had two friends in school who were from Sudan. Their parents had this same idea. Each set of parents made each boy work as hard as they possibly could to be the best at every single class. The problem, of course, was that they were both in the same classes. So how does that work? If one is best, the other obviously can't be. So, as I say, here we acknowledge that it isn't possible for everybody to be the best, but that doesn't mean being a failure either, or settling for less than personal best. In short, I'm not sure how understanding western readers would be to this idea. Then again, I read on your profile that you are aiming this book at Indians, resident and non. So perhaps you don't care what non-Indian readers think. But in that case I don't understand why you keep askig me to read this.

"'Computer studies'." The full stop goes outside of a quote. Only in dialogue does it go inside the speech/quotation marks

'heart rate manifold' - I can't make sense of that at all. I don't know if you are using as an adjective, as in 'increased my heart rate greatly', or if you mean something else. If it is the former, then it is the wrong word.

The reference to the Australian cricket team seems to just come out of nowhere.

'mom' is American. This is fine if you are aiming more for Indians living in America. Otherwise, it should be 'mum'.

'Why drag the parents (into it)?'

'Dont be late' isn't something people usually say when they are talking about something present. They'd say it if you go out, and they want you home early, or if you're to meet them, they'd tell you not to be late. Telling you to come to dinner, they say something like 'Hurry up' or 'don't take too long' or something.

Again, you are referring to 'my failure' in the same way someone would refer to some horrific, tragic event. Western readers will not sympathise at all, and in all likelihood will think "stop whining".

Overall, the writing is much much better than it was the first time; a lot more readable. It's as though the first time, you translated it directly from your language into English, and this time you have rewritten it IN English so that it reads a lot better.

The Road that was Taken. Given the title (which I find a little cumbersome) your cover appears to be very apt. Your pitch gives a clear picture of what to expect, although perhaps you should avoid 'years later' in one of those paragraph starts.
I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.3. I dont think you need put inverted commas round Computer Studies, or any other of the subjects, and perhaps you dont need to show the actual marks. But you convey the lows and highs of students very realistically in this chapter.
The diary idea is a good one, and it portrays Akash's feelings well.

Ch.2. It is better to avoid repetition: 'we jumped from our seats to welcome him' implies they did it with gusto, so you dont need to say that.
Having the students describe Mr. Basu is a neat way to do it, and you create a feeling of pent-up emotion as the students listen to him. But editors probably wont like the use of phrases such as mind boggling, or unnecessary words like just, which if left out would make your sentences flow better.
The intensity of Akash's feelings are well described, but can events really 'heave a sigh of relief'?

Ch.3. Would it be even stronger if you just said the Dr. asked the students to take a look at the sign? What follows is vivid enough, although again, take care with identifying the subject of a sentence. Yours reads as if eyes knew how to comfort themselves.

Your work is full of emotion and intensity of feeling, and although you have a fair amount of editing to do before it can be submitted for publishing, there is definitely a lively spark which is worth preserving and building on.
We all have to edit, and re-edit and re-edit until we're sick and tired... but it is always worth it in the end.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

Amit, firstly thanks for your request to read your book and my greetings on working on such a wonderful storyline. I have managed to read the first three chapters and must say that the beginning is apt. Although the plot is wonderful, I suggest you work on the use of Indian accent in your language. Not that it matters if you target native Non-English readers but I fear it might not sit down well with those with English as their native language. Do think about it because barring that, this book is pretty much in line to become a hit with the youth.

Hi Amit,
Thanks for inviting to read your work. To be honest with you, I read 1st chapter and rest will be done in due course. Comparing to your previous version, the revised one is promising and generally meets expectation of a reader. However, I would like to express my view on jotting of the “marks with figures”.
While I was reading that portion, I had a feeling of loosing the grip from the matter, a kind of disconnection. If you can cover that area with a sentence compressed with impact of poor marks (Akash’s deteriorate mind, seeing his poor scoring, before emotional break) I believe, it would be more effective.

Please take my comment positively.

Sali Kamar.

I've read ch3, it's well written. I've given you five stars for it. Good luck with it

Amit,

I remember adding your book to my shelf after just looking at your premise. Finally, found some time to read it and the first chapter is nice. Frankly, it seems a simple read and will go on well with readers of all types. Some changes and guess it will be fine although. You might use 'This Morning' instead 'Today Morning'. And its 'Neck to Neck' and not 'Neck and Neck'. Rest of the chapter seems fine and will mark a good beginning for the rest of the plot. And since Akash is a student in the start, maybe a touch of school humour would spice things up.

Dear Amit, I am sure this book will appeal a lot to the Indian readers especially. You seem to have written the story keeping the expertise of those aged around 20 years and this can sure be a success. I wish you good luck and will support this book in its journey to the desk!

Hi Amit,

I have read till the end of the fourth chapter and can confidently say that this has been written well. Can't stop myself from asking. I have found the words "Dear Diary" striken off in a couple of chapters. Does it have to do anything with the story?

Sandesh

Your pitch is interesting, and the writting well. Backed.

Hello Amit, thanks for adding me as your friend and inviting me to read your book. At the first glance, the book looks attractive and seems to be written in simple and sweet English. I have read till the end of the second chapter and it has youthful exuberance all over it. However, it might be better if you maintain a constant font style throughout the book. Since the character Akash is talking to other characters in the story and at the same time narrating, maybe you have the conversations in italic to distinguish them from the narration. That might make the reader give a better understanding of what is going on around. I will read further when I find time and will give you my feedback.

Bye, Swapnil

Hi,
I had gone through the 1st and 2nd chapters. It reminds the readers the ebb and tide of academic life. Appreciate your eastern touch.

I invite you to have a glance on my stuff “Ash”

Regards
Sali Kamar

first thing: do the words 'dear', and 'diary' have lines through them on purpose?- lf so l think it is genius. your general writing is good and works very well...
And l shall back...
read SEASONS...

I wasn't sure if there was some uploading problems with the chaps, as some of the words were italicized when I think you didn't mean for them to be. I think the bold font for "devastated" is not necessary, just italics. The story is a bit hard to get into...nothing really grabs. You want to get in with the character, but the story is a bit rough. It doesn't really feel like the way one would talk. I think this is something that could be greatly improved into something professional and read-worthy, but it needs a lot of work. There was repetition, and repetition tends to bore. And I had no idea where I was, when reading the book! I didn't have a feeling of "place". It felt random.
Perhaps if you study other novels you will see where you can improve. Oh! One site to go to for great help (I use it myself, and it is SO helpful!) is Randy Ingermanson's writing site. He gives a free e-newsletter. Check it out!
I wish you the best with this. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask. Oh, one other thing--the slash through the dear diary was intriguing at first, but then you wonder why it appears all the time. Why is that?
Have a blessed day!

--Shieldmaiden

will update u soon

hello,
what 's new on your front?
any update about ur book

You can justify the paragraphs of the book....font is now more clear and readable than before....overall will rate the book as interesting.....some quotes, punch lines can also be added....

thanks a lot...am currenlty editing to make it more compact...will update soon

You can justify the paragraphs of the book....font is now more clear and readable than before....overall will rate the book as interesting.....some quotes, punch lines can also be added....

hello,
what 's new on your front?
any update about ur book

You have quite an attractive storyline, something I am sure a lot of people might relate themselves to. The beginning is wonderful and it makes the reader to go on and read further. For a more constructive feedback, wait till I read more.

gone thru the book...found it interesting...have some editing suggestions, will mail asap...

nice one doc amit,
i seldom finds, nowadays, a man having a diary... glad to say i a was one of them before...
about dreams... before, i used to dream of becoming a saint but everything was devastated when i got insane....
much for that, i can feel the story easily with the aid of the diary.....
great job...
please oblige to look at my book... a resolve mystery from my insanity... found merely at the 5 th to 8th anagrams....
sincerely,
sergev
the groom the bride and the wedding
sergev

Loved the plot and the build up of the story! I have read through the first three chapters and the pace has impressed me. But like some of those who commented below, I feel that you can give some more thought to the title of the book. The cover picture is as apt as it can be.

I've added you to my watch list. I will read it but I will leave one comment. Don't like to litter pages with comments when one over all will do. Please be patient and be kind enough to remind me if you do not recieve a review in a few days. My wife is in the hospital so I'm running. I've placed my latest non-fiction here for review feel free to read it. https://www.facebook.com/ReginaldLeviWalker

dear amit
the unknown path............another title.
more so.....the road "that was"........seems unneccessary........omit that was........may b the road not taken.

Hi Amit,

Good read. I checked out the first three chapters. I like the diary style of writing and you do a nice job of building the story quickly without dragging on.

I do have some comments:


"Immediately after my submitting my 'Computer Studies'..."
Delete that first 'my'

In the same sentence, "....I had realised that I had made..."
Too many 'hads'. The first one isn't needed.

Chapter 2

"So did me."
Should be "So did I."

Overall...
Honestly, the first three chapters could almost be combined into one, and I wonder if it should be. The prologue doesn't say much, the second builds this whole climactic scene where the narrator fails to reach a goal, and then at the start of chapter three we find that it didn't really matter anyway. Just a suggestion, but I think those could all be combined. After all, they're the same side story.

Otherwise, it's a good start. Hope my comments helped. They're just suggestions. If you get a chance, I'd be honored if you'd check out my pitch, and if you like it, read some of my story. I'm looking for feedback.

Thanks and all the best.
Good luck with this story.

Phil

Hi Amit,

Good read. I checked out the first three chapters. I like the diary style of writing and you do a nice job of building the story quickly without dragging on.

I do have some comments:


"Immediately after my submitting my 'Computer Studies'..."
Delete that first 'my'

In the same sentence, "....I had realised that I had made..."
Too many 'hads'. The first one isn't needed.

Chapter 2

"So did me."
Should be "So did I."

Overall...
Honestly, the first three chapters could almost be combined into one, and I wonder if it should be. The prologue doesn't say much, the second builds this whole climactic scene where the narrator fails to reach a goal, and then at the start of chapter three we find that it didn't really matter anyway. Just a suggestion, but I think those could all be combined. After all, they're the same side story.

Otherwise, it's a good start. Hope my comments helped. They're just suggestions. If you get a chance, I'd be honored if you'd check out my pitch, and if you like it, read some of my story. I'm looking for feedback.

Thanks and all the best.
Good luck with this story.

Phil

OK, I read the first 6 chapters and the last one. My first observation is the book does not get interesting until chapter 6, so perhaps you need to start with that or redo the opening. Secondly, much of the writing comes across as a list, as it lacks full description. For example, the lines about the academic awards, is a real yawner for people who don't understand the significance, which you could make more clear by stressing the competition or something. Remember this is a story first and it must be descriptive and compelling if you want us to engage. Thirdly, I would get rid of the cliche and dare-I-say, girlish "dear diary" and just start with the date and narration. I am not sure the line, which is repeated, "the accident, the incident" conveys what you intend, but I only read half the book. Even the last chapter, 14, when describing a coming-of-age situation where med students get in trouble fails to fully deploy. I think you need to work on more description and less of a time line type of narrative. Best of luck and I rated the book.
Feel free to read my book, as a medical professional I am sure you will have keen observations.
Roberta

Award ceremony is well written....chapter can be extended bit more and can be made more intresting....for other chapters will get back soon...

Dear Amit. I have read your first couple of pages. If I could give you a little bit of advice, whether you take it or not is up to you. In your prologue there is 5 lines. In those 5 lines you have, 3 accidents, 3 sheer luck,2 incidents and 2 achieved. I found this to be quite confusing and I think would stop people from reading on. I think you could use them less and draw the reader in more, leading them to your next chapter. Of course that is only my opinion and it might not count for much as I've never been published. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to tear your story apart, god forbid. It's just that I still don't know what it's about. Your second chapter is better and lets the reader get involved in the antisapation of waiting for exam results. Incidently you have a minor discrepancy here. It should read Neck and Neck. Please don't take my word as gospel but I think you would get more readers if you change the prologue. After all that could you take a look at mine,'Jonny Dark'. Please feel free to be brutal with your comments. I hope the advice I have given you is helpful. Sincerely 'H'.

nice suggestion
taken was that road

dear amit,
is this your final title?.....the road that was taken......y don't you put that in reverse order.
rest details i'm going through...will soon get back 2 u