After the Ruin

After the Ruin.
Chapter 1 - Atmospheric opening - the description of the sardonic violence done by the man to the woman has, for me, the rhythm of an old folk song. Very beautiful.
Chapter 2 - Again, beautifully written. The reader is pulled into the mystery of two stories running side by side, if I've read it right. The characters introduced slowly, their personalities revealed, but holding facets back as you have done with age ago acts that have relevance in the present time your book is set in. The description of the hall and the feasting. All wonderfully done.
Only one nitpick - 'sucked his teeth but opened' comma before 'but'? I noticed you have done this a few times. Perhaps it's deliberate. I also like the language and how you've used it.
Going on my waiting list so I can read some more and will comment then. Highly starred.

Nanty - Chrys!

My favourite to win Mayhem. reckon you'll pip paint or the lost wink in the final.

Beautiful, lyrical writing. This feels as though it needs to be read aloud, like a saga related in a Meadhall in days of old! Great atmosphere and enchanting images. On my watchlist.

this is breathtaking. your craftsmanship is immaculate

Hello Harriet,
Just read the first four chapters of your beautifully crafted work. This is a deeply researched work set in an indeterminate age but nevertheless, the dialogue is absolutely authentic- that is a clever trick to pull off. The story style is pitched just right and I enjoyed your use of colloquialisms and unusual, almost medieval words such as 'mercator'.
One small error in chapter 2 was all I could find - when Marwy Ninek is talking to Assiolo, she opens with 'An it please you.' I could not make sense of that , is it a typo?

Otherwise, an excellent read for anyone interested in authentic historical fiction. I will place you on my watch list and reserve a place on my bookshelf . As a rule I will keep a book on my shelf for a minimum of one month.

Well done - may i tempt you to have a look at Hellion 2 (book 2 of the series but it can be read as a stand alone work)

many thanks

Cyrus

Hi HarrietG,

I really enjoyed chapter 2. You have a way with words. I think that the rhythm and tone of the story so far is very midevil, and it is lyrical, pretty and beautiful. So far the plot is shrouded in mystery like where is Assiolo is from, what is his purpose for being in Felluria. What connects the italicized parts to the regular body of the plot. I think it is a neat trick and if it works highly original, at least from what I have read. Some things that I think could be worked on maybe is that some of the chapters could be a a little smaller. I think the your writing is excellent I will let you know about chapter 3. If you would like to take a look at my book Light! we could help eachother. Good read so far thanks.

Hi my name is Raj and i am impressed by your writing. I put your book on my watchlist. What I am really interested in is a critique of my chapters from a good writer so if you'll look mine over it would be greatly appreciated. So far I like the pitch and your voice is natural in the actual reading so if you want to trade critiques let me know. My pen name is R. J. Davis...thanks.

amazing pitch and story. my eyes were glued to the screen from the opening paragraph
you're a fantastic writer

This is beautifully, beautifully written. There is a lyrical rhythm to your writing that pulls me in; once I started reading it was almost impossible to stop. It reminds me of poetry in that the meaning is sometimes a little shadowy. Very unique book! Highly starred.

H.M. PLC review

I loved the rhythm of your This Is What Happened Chapter and the sense of mystery you created. Who was the woman? Who was the man? Was his intent for evil or for love?

Chapter one -

I found this chapter very complex. I’m trying to understand the stories when taken as separate pieces, but as a whole I have yet to decipher their relationship.

You are obviously a deep thinker and definitely have an artistic flair that I lack. Your way of writing is beautiful like that of a song or of poetry. And sometimes only the artist knows the meaning or intent.

So there is Ossiolo a piper from the east, seemingly running away from his past. He has memories of his mother, his father’s stories and another piper’s songs. And there Marwy Ninek who I get the feeling they have met or loved before. But perhaps not.

The italicized portion is this two gay lovers? Is one the son of Thoduhah?

And then there is a Norseman making a deal for a bride. I’m doing my best to try and understand. And I’m hoping that all the stories will come together in the end.

Chapter Three - Oh, so Marwy is the piper’s father’s lover or Torukotu‘s but the piper loves her too? And the book belongs to the piper‘s mother?

Well, this is all quite intriguing - a puzzle to put together. I’ll be back to read more.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

I was browsing for modern fiction and it is a testament to your writing that I stayed and read on.

I liked the repetitive style of the prologue. But like some, wonder if perhaps there is more than necessary. Since I am a sparse writer that my just reflect my own style.

Despite the complex nature of the tale I didn't feel lost or confused. Or rather where I was confused I was sufficiently drawn into the story and the balladic nature of the writing for that not to matter for me. I was happy to be carried along.

Backed
Gillian

After the Ruin, A Phoenix Literary Club Review

I put "After the Ruin" on my bookshelf around Christmas (I think), and it is still there whilst many other books have come and gone, so you can deduce that I like it. I don't necessarily understand it (yet), but I do rather like it. This is the first time that I have re-read any part of the book since originally backing it, and I was a little concerned that my feelings might have changed - they haven't, if anything I like it even more now than when I first backed it.

Like some of the other commenters, I do struggle a bit with the italicised sections. I "got" that they represented a counterpoint story eventually, but at first (perhaps because they were so dreamlike in style) I thought that they represented Assiolo's memories or dreams (perhaps recalling some wilder, more impetuous youth in contrast to his more introspective mature self) This is what I initially thought, anyway, though I realise now that I was wrong.

I'm all in favour of a novel that causes mystery and obfuscation: in fact, I consider that to be one of the principal functions of any novel, to bring order out of what initially looks like chaos. However, if a reader is allowed to make assumptions about what they think is happening which are then contradicted by later developments, it might make them lose faith in the story. I'm not suggesting simplifying the story to make it more palatable, at all; just be aware that some readers might get mislead by their own preconceptions and then confuse themselves in ways that you never intended. Perhaps some typographical trick other than italics is needed to indicate that these sections are a contrapunctual stream rather than flashbacks or some sort of "story within a story", which I think is how people might interpret them.

(Incidentally, in my head I imagine the landscape of Felluria as resembling the west coast of Scotland. I don't know whether this is just fancy on my part or if clues have been subtly inserted in the text to invoke this impression, but that's how I imagine it.)

PLC (initial) review

Oh - Harriet - this is a hell of a book. WHERE HAS IT BEEN HIDING!!!!!!!!! The ballad-style opening manages to do what so many story-tellers try but fail to do - set the scene - evoke a kind of legendary tragedy - sorrow in the form of an ancient fable. I can't even describe it properly. This is really masterful writing imho. I hope to have more to say later.
starred and will shelve

PLC Review

Chapter 4

The writing still works for me. – Just nitpicks

----But this was not his time, this was not his place: today his song was silenced COMMA? and he could make no music on his wooden pipe.

----Around and around him were many songs, and many voices singing them, but this SONG? SINGER? called to him as those did not.

----And the web she wove of song and light and golden hair caught him and held him fast. ---- LOVE IT

----I will not press you anD? I am unwelcome.’ ---- I did notice some of the an later so I gather they are allright?

Chapter 5

I think you truly have skill of being able to maintain the beauty of your prose. You prose continues to be evocative and very tantalizing.

Chapter 6

Again the first bit of Italic threw me off – I am lost LOL – Assilo is looking at the wounded boy then we have ‘HE knows Imacah’s face – I guess the issue I am having is that I am not sure who ‘He’ is.

----- ‘For one man, and a stranger?’ The old man sucked his teeth

I think Harriet yours is a really hard book to crit, at least the way I am reading it off the screen. It is a story that needs to be read slowly and each word consumed. I think because we have a great deal of depth in the story, it is densly written, and the story line complex, that combined with unfamiliar names and locations – at least too me, a reader really needs to stay focused to follow the different threads. There is obvious repetition and I think scenes but I am not sure still of what is really going on. I am thinking that this format (reading on the screen) might be one reason why some of your readers have not continued – it is a book that a reader really needs to sit back and relax to fully take it in.

Yours is the first story that I’ve read here where I felt a very good writer might be disadvantaged by the digital format presented – some of your chapters are long, not that I find that an issue, but if someone is sitting at a computer screen those long chapters feel very long because of the complexity of your story.

I hope when your story gets to the editors desk, which it surely must, that the editor charged with reviewing this story takes the time to print it out and read the opening chapters. I do think if I were reading it in book format, I wouldn’t necessarily be having the same issues I am having with some of the italic and following some of the story line.

PLC Review:

Hi Harriet,

I have just read the first two chapters of your enchanting story. Your first chapter was certainly an effective hook - very much so! The repetiveness in it - which I know was clearly intentional - was interesting, but I wonder how much is too much?

I loved your first chapter, although I felt it was a bit long. (Of course most of mine are way too short:) )

I really enjoyed the conversations between the MC and the old woman. I particularly adored the line he repeated that his mother had said about not closing his eyes...

The words in itallics confused me - I got lost. Then I became further confused about the king and his daughter. I clearly missed something that I highly suspect is due to my problem of being easily overwhelmed by a lot of info. I hope I am not coming across as too negative, because you clearly have enormous talent that draws the reader in. Your MC is quite captivating, as well as your storyline. I need to revisit chapter 1 again and perhaps a second look will aid me in comprehending why I became so confused. Looking forward to continuing...Ruby

After the ruin. A Phoenix read-on.

Ch.4. Beautiful prose. My mind jarred a moment at the word witch. Surely a witch is black, and evil - not sitting in sunlight, combing out her golden hair?
The word suddenly also jars. Is it necessary?
There is a pathos to your writing, rich with innuenda and dreamy visions. And a Shakesperian touch, here and there, or is it Shellwy - or Keats? My school day poetry classes are so long ago.
It is refreshing staying with a mere couple of characters - and some dreams - in this chapter. I can get to know them better.

Ch.5. Another change. It's your story, but perhaps if you kept with one thread over several chapters, your readers would be able better to identify with the characters - and sort them out?
All it might need is a simple rearrangement...

'There are many kinds of love...' a truth, indeed.

Somehow, you make me want to click onwards, for there is magic in your words, but I must leave you for now.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

Hello,

Wow, this is clearly the result of a labour of love!

The intensity is huge and this is only some of the complete manuscript?!

The imagery you use conjures up a medieval world with all its grime and stench, and your narrator seems realistically of your time.

I feel that the excerpts in italics kinda interrupt the flow of the narrative though, and I suppose they are internal thoughts, asides in your persona as chronicler, but I feel that they could do what they do for the story in a more subtle way.

For example, I think in the opening chapter you character thinks "all Felluria is mine and I will take it," he could act this out with a peak out the window and a covetous glance.

I don't know if this is the answer, or the aura you want to create around your character but just maybe something to think about.

The more that happens externally rather than internally to your characters the more suspense you create.

I liked your pitch very much, and the opening few lines really converse with your reader about the nature of story telling, I love this.

Perhaps take the time to develop this theme periodically to give your reader another "hook" as it were.

Congratulations on an accomplished piece of writing and a narrative of real promise!

Sincerely and with regards

Kit

PLC Review

I read the first chapter aloud and was captivated by its rhythm, musicality and poetry. And then I carried on reading. By the end of Chapter 2 I hadn’t yet understood the story within the story or why all these other characters with their exotic names mentioned in Assiolo’s book are important to the narrative. But I’m still intrigued.
Yours is but one of two fantasy books I’ve read here and I am hardly the right person to review this genre. But it was your prose and historical detail, worn lightly, that brings the main story to life. It never stands out and shouts, look at all this research…..
The last fantasy novel I read in full was probably LOTR – and I skipped chunks of that so that’s how little I know about the genre. Maybe I’m a sucker for Celtic storytelling but there’s something about Celtic mythology, or at least your version of it, that seems to me to be so much earthier than other fantasy tales. Give me a jig, a reel, peat fires and a lute and that is enough to hold my attention. I look forward to more….

Alison (Lambert Nagle)
Revolution Earth

PLC review: After The Ruin
Title: Very good
Cover: Good
Pitch: I found this rather vague and waffly. It did not give me any idea of what to expect.
Opening:
The opening is mysterious and intriguing. I did think you overdid the “and on the x there was a y” bit somewhat and it reminded me of a song from the film ‘the wicker man’! The actual story being told though was extremely interesting. It remains to be seen whether it is allegorical or will have a great bearing on the coming novel.
1:
The mysterious atmosphere continues in this chapter. I must confess to not being a reader of this type of fantasy fiction usually but this is shaping up to be (at least to my inexperienced eyes) an excellent example of the genre, well written and with a strong atmospheric plot.
The italicised parts confused rather than enlightened me. There is so much to take in anyway, the unfamiliar settings and names, that this merely added to my bewilderment, but a more seasoned fantasy reader would probably take it in their stride.
Chapter 1 is huge, an epic in itself, but I did not get any sense of self indulgence from the writing, indeed it is well written throughout. My only problem is that I am not a natural reader of epic fantasy and I find the slowly unfolding timescale rather daunting. But I felt the same about Lord Of The Rings, so I am sure that there is a huge readership for this.
Good luck.

After the Ruin. A Phoenix LC read. Unfinished at 144,000 words? That is a tome indeed. Have you considered dividing it inot two, I wonder.
Your long pitch is quite negative in tone, which is not the best way to attract readers, even though this appears to be a tale which has to be told.
Those unanswered questions in the short pitch leave the reader hanging in the air. Maybe some explanation of the story-line, and a feel of the characters, with a bit of emotion added, would serve you better as an introduction.
With hindsight, and after reading to Ch.3., the pitches appear to have no link whatsoever to the story!

Ch.1. Your opening sililoquy is unusual and effective. It reads as poetic prose, and comes back on itself, full circle. And I am intrigued.

Ch.2. I wonder where is Felluria, with its shingles and oyster catchers; does the peat give it away? Assiolo has ivory and silver - so the middle east / Africa?

You have lost me, after the second bit in italics about Imacah. Is Assiolo the King? Who is Thodulah? and Te-meriku? Thodulah's daughter? I'm having to look back, and that spoils the flow of your hitherto faultless story.

Ch.3. (Auth). This is an enchanting tale, but I havent unravelled the mysteries yet. Readers may abandon you in frustration if you dont make relationships and memories clearer from the outset. I dont think you need to make us feel obtuse. Your writing is beautiful and faultless, although I havent picked any outstanding passages. I feel you could carry your reader with you on quality alone, without trying to obscure the threads which hang your characters together.

But I am becoming mesmerised, and I dont give up easily. I will read on later!

Jane (Breath of Africa).

Harriet,
I have finished all you have uploaded. These are the thoughts I’m throwing down while my head is still full of Te-Meriku, Assiolo and Marwy Ninek.

Let me just say first of all that I enjoyed this story more, and found the understanding of it easier as I went along, to the extent that from around chapter ten it became a page turner as compelling as any thriller. I still maintain that there isn’t a book on authonomy to match this and you can quote me on that.

I would say that chapter ten, possibly nine is a turning point. I’m not certain it’s just me, though that’s a possibility of course, but I think that as you get into your stride, your style is clearer. Things fall into place and the intentional mystery is clearer to see as mystery not obscurity. That might be simply that I got under the skin of the characters more, or that there being fewer false trails to sow, there was less occasion to go astray. Looking back on my initial confusions, guessings and conjectures, I’ll pull out the ones that led me off on the wrong tack and why.

Mainly family relationships and chronology.
That Liuthwy is both the old king’s granddaughter and Thoduhah’s, because she is also the daughter of the king’s daughter. Took me a while to work that out.

There are three Imacahs, Assiolo’s son, Te-Meriku’s Imacah, and a legendary Imacah who Assiolo’s son is named for. The legendary Imacah is still fuzzy for me.

That Te-Meriku was a foundling brought up with Imacah wasn’t clear to me until half-way through.

The red king, Torokutu, and Te-Meriku I suspected were one and the same person to begin with. Then there was the baby and I’m proud to say I guessed that the woman who whisked him away didn’t kill him, that she was Marwy Ninek and the baby was Te-Meriku.
In the passages where the woman raped by the red king is helped by another woman, you maintain the mystery that they are mother and daughter. I see now why, but at the time the lack of naming names was confusing and I wasn’t sure if it was intentionally so.

The reorganisation of chapter four is successful I think, because it goes some way to explaining why Assiolo leaves for a while and what he kills. Though the link between the Red King, Te-Meriku, Torokutu is still rather fuzzy at this stage. It establishes that Marwy Ninek’s red king is not dead and could still reappear. Assiolo puts and end to her nightmare. It also makes Marwy’s relationship with the piper appear less loving, which I must admit, being very conventional about these things, I found a bit distasteful in the earlier version. I was much happier her being with Assiolo.

The Averla character reminds me of Morgaine. I wondered what she was exactly since the Tions can’t have children. Was the child she evidently wanted to use, like Mordred, as a weapon, a real child?
Another point I never fathomed out was Liuthanwy’s relationship with Te-Meriku. I know she heard the story of his history when she was nine years old and remembered it, but I never understand the significance of the knife she sent to Marwy Ninek, nor the point of her being sent by her grandfather to give Te-Meriku an apple. A detail perhaps, but where apples and kings are concerned possibly not.

Why did Imacah try to steal an apple, and who did the old king detail to kill him?

One last question. When Assiolo arrives at Faranon, Alcedo is a small child. Five years later when he leaves he is still only five. Is there something I missed there? The idea of time moving at a different speed in different places? Little Imacah becomes very attached to Assiolo, enough to want to follow him when he leaves. Another child asking to be taken along, this time being granted his wish. Averla wanted Assiolo to become chained through his son, but was it her intention that the affection would be mutual?

One of the things I love in this story is the repetition. As in all good stories, the same phrases, the same scenes crop up over and over. The apples, the blackbird’s song, the rose, the dancers, the stars tangled in the hair. And they are all beautiful images. The red hair I can see now is not meant to confuse but as a marker. Red hair is handed down, passed on. It’s mention should be taken at face value, not regarded with suspicion.

All through the second half I found myself liking Te-Meriku more and Assiolo a little less. Normal, you say, he has changed. Marwy Ninek annoyed me for not telling Assiolo the truth about the deal she made with Averla, but she went up again in my estimation when she managed to knife her attacker without hyper-ventilating first. That she is also drawn to Te-Meriku is a point in her favour. Assiolo, I’m afraid could possibly have worked out when he was free to leave a bit sooner.

Please don’t tell me that you haven’t finished this. Not now that I have got into the rhythm of the story, and have got so good at working out who’s who and what they’re about.
I can’t give this book more than one place on my shelf, can’t give it more than six stars. I suggest it to whoever will listen. As far as I’m concerned this is a beautiful, publishable, jewel of a book. You should be very proud of it.
Jane

Not an easy read but very, very beautiful. You tap deep into a variety of mythologies, from folk songs of the Tam Lyn kind, to sacrifcial kings and fisher kings. I tried writing a book like this once, influenced by Robert Graves White Goddess but I couldn't pull it off. You can. The first ch. (here) is amazing, a song in itself. Your style reminds me of several writers, Guy Gavriel Kay certainly, also Ursula le Guin and Tolkien in the way the style has to wash over you.
I noticed one thing that jarred. When Assiola asks what he should play Marwy Ninek says 'An it please you.' shouldn't that be 'As it please you' ?
Impressed!

I read your first chapter here.
It is very creatively written. It starts right off into things to set your plot/story.
The pace is faster and right to things. Your descriptions leave a bit of mystery into things, which make it interesting.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds, when you have time.

Dear H.M,
his is a WELL written creative work. I read to chapter two and I enjoyed it very much! Well done
Josphine

Hello Harriet,
On this site one can fly through the first three chapters of many an offering but this is one of those stories that bring you to an abrupt stop, a neck-lock and near total submission. I'm sure the word entranced has been used by other reviewers, that and mesmerising.
I'm a big fan of interweaving narratives, 'demanding' reads that withhold as much as they tickle and twist. There are no easy escapes in the narrative-not even a traditional, hetrosexual love interest for the MC-and it maybe an uncomfortable feeling for some readers to be so submissive before such powerful prose.
Suits me though.
6 stars, WL and candidate for backing at next rotation.
Thank you for a great read.
John
Dropping Babies-would appreciate a return read.

The book recalled me of old days when as a child i used to hear stories by sitting in a circle around bonefire. I feel words wraping around myself. A very promising book with a lucid style. Highly starred on my WL for future backing.

Read chapter 3

In the weeks that followed, ---In the weeks following?---

‘Well, lad,’ Yatta Tala caught at his sleeve to make him sit down beside her, ----- you don’t need that ‘down’

I realize why I like this so much. The dialogue exchanges remind of Shakespeare

I still get the same feeling with the italic and really don’t know – I find myself engrossed in Assiolo’s story and am not liking being taken out of it.

Back soon to read a more.

Harriet, there is really very little to pick apart with your writing in a technical sense. The overall narrative is clear to me and is musical and like so many others have said, poetic. Lovely. And I found myself just drawn into the tale because of the way you place words.

prologue

I might be wrong, and maybe I have imagined it, because it has been a while since I first read your opening, but I think you have rewritten your opening? I do like the opening just as much as last time, but I think last time it ended with us not knowing that the woman had survived, if my memory is correct and that is how it originally ended, I don’t know, but I think I liked not knowing whether she was dead or alive…but anyways, that is all part and parcel…I still very much like your opening.

Ch1

The steward paused, his hand upon the door. ------little thing…called a porter before? For a moment I wondered if we had another character.

You write very vividly and capture the opening scene with the porter very well.

With the first bit of italic in you first chapter I am instantly not sure of its intent. I wonder if Assoilo is singing or thinking and playing his lute, and I wonder what Imacah has to do with anything, and part of me wondered if that is actually Assoilo – I read on – hoping I’m not lost by the end of the chapter despite brilliant writing – and I tell myself, trust the writer.

I wonder if the issue I have with the first lot of italics is because it is sort of implied that it must be Assoilo, but we are not clear of the authors intent as to who the italic is coming from, that might be the issue. If it Assoilo I think we need a fraction, not sure of what, but to lead us into that italic, and if it isn’t, I am not sure how that can be managed and can’t think of any suggestion – at least not yet.

I think if it is Assoilo – the it is simple to fix by removing some of the words that lead into it –

For example you say. ‘Then he took up the lute to tune it, and after played a while and so the afternoon slipped slowly away.’

If you take away the last part of the sentence it will be clearer….eg Then he took up the lute to tune it, and after played…

Assiolo turned himself slowly around, a hint of laughter twitching his lip, showing her the walls, the bed, the fire. ‘Anywhere’s good for a beggar, so they say, but I’d say here’s better than most for a man who wishes to sleep warm and dry.’

The old woman sucked her teeth whilst she considered him. ---- I might be wrong but if you mentioned sucking teeth earlier - I'd remove one or the other....once is plenty of sucking teeth.

His hair was red, his arm was strong, no man could stand in fight against him, but he was not...’ ---- why only one arm? Not arms?

He obeyed, and shut up the book. ---- I love ‘shut up the book’ as apposed to ‘shut the book’

Again with the second lot of italics it is a little lost on me. I think this is because we have had no introduction to who Imacah is – it is disjointed, and logically it must be Assiolo thinking this because it's in his narrative, but I’m not sure a reader is sure this is the case, and something tells me it might not be Assiolo – but whereas that uncertainty and the questions the italic raise should make me inclined to want to find out – I am finding it takes too much time to ponder the intention of the author.

I have read other books with a similar structure and when it wasn’t part of the narrative from the pov character it was broken by ******* or something similar like ____________ to make it clear what’s happening….at the moment, at least to me, we are involved with the story and being ripped away from it when those italics in a big block arrive and are unclear what’s going on – because the italic stands out more than the writing and the intent is unclear from the narrator.

If it is Assiolo remembering this italic – I do think being lead into and keeping the case normal won’t be distracting….

He looked up, their eyes met and in that meeting his world was changed forever. --- you don’t need that ‘was’ and probably a full stop after ‘up’ and do need a comma after met.

‘What would you have me play?’ ---- love this after the paragraphs that came before

I’ll come back, by the next lot italic I was expecting it but then got thrown off by the narrative after the italic….so I’ll come back when I am not so tired.

Harriet - just read three chapters. I don't know the story of Tam Lin, but your opening, with the ballad, set up an expectation in me that this story would be ballad-like in its unfolding, possibly a tragic love story. The mediaeval setting, the language and the society you describe in such richly illustrated detail had me enchanted until I began to realise that I did not understand what was going on at all [around the middle of chapter 2]. If Assiolo has come back to Felluria, how is it that no one recognises him except Marwy? Was he really here before? What is going on in italics? As we've been fellow travellers on the 'structuring a novel' thread, I feel really stupid saying that I have totally lost the plot here. Partly [she says in her own defence] it is because we have also to learn and understand the rules and names of this imagined world, that nothing can be taken for granted - but that isn't the problem for me. The problem is that the story thread is too elusive, which means that your crafting of the landscape and the characters is wasted [on me. But clearly, from other comments below, not on more quick-witted readers]. I don't see how this can be helpful, but I truly hope it is - Frances.

H.M. Goodchild,

Congrats on getting this Wednesday's "One to Watch" vote! This is a truly fantastic read and I've rated it six stars! Best of luck to you! Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

I've read the first two chapters of this tonight and am full of admiration. It's so beautifully and vividly imagined. The prose has a magical early morning quality, the sentences seeming to have a kind of glistening dew on them. The world you create pulses with life. And there's architecture and archaeology in the narrative – a solid elegant quality with the promise of buried marvels. Piece of cake awarding this six stars.

The words are like poetry. The prologue gives the reader a crystal clear picture of the terror and despair. This is obviously one of those books that will hold back information unwind slowly to keep the reader interested. Unfortunately, here on Authonomy there are so many stories and thus never enough time to get deep enough into some stories. Job well done. Highly rated.

Harriet,

Hit your link from the IPT and couldn't ignore your fantastic passages here. I like Wuthering Heights, Rebecca, and just about anything Edgar Poe. I felt right at home in your writing...it drove my eyes forward. Outstanding! Ted

I don't read a lot of fantasy, HM but I have to say I really enjoyed your opening chapters. The prose feels very polished and is full of lots of wonderfully evocative, subtly lyrical phrasing and descriptive passages (I particularly liked 'The man watched her dance upon the empty air' - dark and disturbing but oddly beautiful). Convincing but not overblown sense of this strange, fantastical world. Clear and purposeful dialogue that, as well as adding good energy to the scenes, helps to flesh out the various characters. The plot feels complex and multi-layered and, with its blend of adventure, intrigue, fantasy, romance etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers. For me, though, it's the quality of writing that particularly stands out. This really is an impressive piece of work. On my shelf and six stars. Thanks and best of luck. P

The first chapter of this read as if I knew it already; I loved the repetition and the imagery. It is a real talent to be able to create such an image with simple repetition. I found the second chapter harder to get into, but once I was there, I enjoyed the book thoroughly!
144k and incomplete? This is going to be an epic!

Johanna

Dear H.M. (Harriet?),
Other reviewers seem to have some background information that I don't have, and probably need. I see this is an ambitious work, with 144K uploaded, and that's not even the whole thing! I'm surprised and impressed at the poetry in the prose, which can be beautiful. Assiolo is an intriguing and mysterious character, as he arrives in some possibly medieval (?) place. But just as I am getting into the rhythm of the prose and the exotic location--Felluria--the italicized sections begin, and I have no idea what's going on. I think possibly you place too many demands on the reader, especially at the beginning. It might help the reader if the chapters, especially the first few, were shorter, so one eases into this surprising and beautiful world.

Partly this is about the strain of reading on a computer; it might feel much different in print format.

At any rate, clearly there is a lovely work of literature developing here. I'll put it on my watch list and move it to my bookshelf as a space opens up.

Good luck with this,

Carolyn Brown Heinz
Mage at Midnight

Harriet -

I have now read through the end of everything you have posted here. I have to say that the background that you gave me on your story helped me tremendously. Not only did I enjoy the story more - but I understood what you were trying to do and where the narrative was going. There is a ballad sort of rhythm to your novel - which I would not have understood or properly grasped had I not know and read the Tam Lim story that it is based on. The combination of audio/visual as well gave me a truly multimedia experience of your novel (or at least the ideas behind it) which in turn impacted significantly on my enjoyment and understand of your novel. In addition - "knowing" where the story was going and what it was based on - kept me reading because I wanted to find out more - to see how you incorporated poetry and prose, myth and legend, past and present, reality and dream. Your writing carries the reader along - there is no doubt about that - but without the rich background (and visual and auditory aids!!) I think that many of your readers are not getting the "full" After the Ruin experience. I think that your readers would not only enjoy your novel more if they had some more background on the story and the character it's based on, but also, the ideas set forth in the novel, and the desire on the part of the reader to find out how you told Tam Lin's story - what your "version" is - would cause many to not only be drawn into this novel - but to appreciate it on a whole new level. That is certainly what happened to me. Instead of struggling a bit to understand the italicized parts and what connection they have to the main narrative stream, I was able to suspend disbelief because I knew the basic plot - and just enjoy the paintbrush (or should be word-brush?) of a true literary artist work.

I still think that there is a better way perhaps to structure this. I often found that just as I was getting into an interesting chapter - just when I thought I really understood what was going on - you would skip into itals and I would sort of lose you...Perhaps experiment with this a bit??

All in all a brilliantly written, satisfying read.

Thank you.

- Rena

I appreciated the varying styles within this novel. The lyrical first section could become slightly repetitious for some but I liked the repeating phrasing. There was a feeling of ancient tales told around the fire. I have backed and will read on before commenting further.

It took me a while to get into this, but then I learned to relax and let it flow. Backed!

Harriet -

I've read through the first 10 chapters or so. I love your writing style and I like the characters, the time and place etc. but I will be honest and say that I think this may work better if the italicized bits and the regular text were alternating chapters rather than interspersed within the text. I also found myself connecting more with the voice and writing style of the italicized bits more than the regular narrative. I liked the ballads at the beginning of each chapter - I wasn't completely sure what connection each one had to the chapter that followed - perhaps a second read through would help establish that connection, right now I am just trying to absorb your beautiful language, all the characters, the plot etc.

I wanted a bit more of a sense of time-period here - even if imagined. I also wanted more of a "setting" - Jacqueline Carey makes up her entire world but bases it loosely on European countries. I was wondering where this was set - an imagined country and world perhaps, but some signposts along the way would have helped me "set" this more properly in my head and in my mind's eye. (Perhaps the signposts are there and I was just too dense to see and understand them, of course I am trying to read this straight through and get an overall impression and feel - so I am not reading each and every word and line all that carefully so excuse me if I missed things...)

I love the lyricism of the first chapter and was eager to see elements of that "voice" return almost like a refrain in later chapters and so far it is sadly absent...

But I am reading on in the hope of having more constructive things to say about character and plot etc. I fear everything I've said so far relates more to "voice" and "structure" and some nitpicky details about "time" and "place" which may or may not be relevant...

Please don't take these opinions I'm expressing as negative. I am enjoying your book very much and I am pretty well-read in the genre. These are just my reactions so far as I go. I will write more later when I've read everything you've posted. But at least here is something to go on - my reactions from the trenches as I read....

- Rena

Harriet, I read two chapters and agree with John Bayliss' comments here - I love the ballads, but I feel they are familiar to me because traditional. The story is yours, it is new, and I struggle with the references and feel unsure of the story thread - but some ballads are like that too. There is music here, and a tapestry of images and resonances. To create this world so wholly is a fine achievement. I hope to pick up with the third chapter soon - got so much reading to do. But the music of this [even the title sings] makes me want to return. Frances.

Harriet, I read two chapters and agree with John Bayliss' comments here - I love the ballads, but I feel they are familiar to me because traditional. The story is yours, it is new, and I struggle with the references and feel unsure of the story thread - but some ballads are like that too. There is music here, and a tapestry of images and resonances. To create this world so wholly is a fine achievement. I hope to pick up with the third chapter soon - got so much reading to do. But the music of this [even the title sings] makes me want to return. Frances.

I'm always jealous of people who can write as though they're from another era ... in another far away place. I guess it's a little like acting and wrapping yourself in a new character that, for some anyway, seems to be as easy as changing your clothes.

Some really beautiful stuff here ... although there are moments where I fear it suffers from being overly affected - probably just because I don't come across this kind of style very often.

H M Goodchild/ After the Ruin

I read the first chapter and about half of the second, feeling the words wrap themselves around me. I re-read them and appreciated their hold on me, a reluctant but caught reader who wanted to read more. Interesting, well written and dense, this writing needs to be taken slowly. Apart from a riot of commas in one particular passage of long narrative, the line is clean, careful and has clearly been invested with a lot of thought.

Not my usual field of interest, the various names feel unwieldy, yet I understand the power of writing such as this to hold onto the reader.

It will work well as a book that can be read and re-read before we capture all its meaning.

The very best with this.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

I'm afraid the style did not grab me. The opening (after the poem and two paragraphs - that in itself somewhat distracting) was just too slow moving - a bit like a bad shaggy dog story. Others may like it, and the underlying idea sounds good. A dramatic scenario, but, for me at least, rather undramatically presented.
Peter

Harriet
Your style is reminiscent of Ursula le Guin. In places the story is difficult to follow, where the characters are from a different time, and their place in the story of Assiolo is not immediately obvious. That, of course is true of the best of stories.
I love this book. There’s nothing else to say, no critical comment – it is what it is. If anything deserves to be published, it’s After the Ruin. All I can offer is my admiration, six stars and a place on my shelf.
Jane

Very intriguing! I've read the first chapter and plan to keep reading. Starring high and putting on my watch list for later. Good job ~Kady Colter, Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

This is great stuff! I'm putting it on my watchlist for later - haven't time for more than the first chapter at the moment.

AFTER THE RUIN
This is a book with a dramatic beginning: a woman hanging herself. Your writing style is unique. Makes this an unusual story. But an interesting one. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hello H. M

book- All the Ruin-

Read the first four chapters and then four more further down-
Enjoying every moment of this read-
Prose flows along like poetry in motion, a joy to read, a book to forget about your cares and wows
for savouring alongside a nice fire;
With lines similar to ' there was a little man who had a little gun--your lines are as i said similar and a pleasure to read. In fact they captured me and i got totally involved. real literary stuff here indeed.
And not to mention the dialogue ' Twig my lord' It's just one feel good read- get out the glass of wine and read by that fire- i recommend this to others to enjoy-
It gets my six stars and i wish you success with it H M

tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses'
i don't give crits, in fact i don't fell qualified to do so-
please read some of mine and hopefully enjoy the tale -
thanks