Murder. New Rules

hullo Jane. i like the way your have gone from location + kill to the next yet linking them all together with the ring of fire. will be interesting to see this evolve. very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Well, this is a good mystery. I like the ring of fire link between the victims and the way you have such a variety of killers and, seemingly, motives. Your style is short and snappy, which works for this particular story line. Character is encapsulated nicely and there is enough background description to ground the reader. In all, I liked what I have read so far. Any plans to post more?
Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

No central POV character to follow, but the story is interesting all the same. Will it be revealed why these murderers from different places over the world have the same illness?

I really liked the first chapter. I've always loved books that look at the inner workings of killers as you do in the first few sections. I think perhaps there is a lack of emotion in the voice, as I see you have already been told, sometimes it can be ok, but throughout the story it can be a little off putting. I think at first, it's all right, after all, killers aren't always emotional, but I think some are and none of yours seem to be. Any way, over all, it's quite well written and could be a good book.

Good luck
Kitten

Hi Jane,

Most of the comments I have been getting are that I am overly descriptive. With that said I would say that you could use a bit more description in your writing. I'd want to feel drawn into the surroundings, is the parking lot bright or dark? What kind of car was the first victim driving? Give me more to feel like I can see the surroundings.

Hope this helps. Good luck with it.

-Chris

Jane,

Some comments here. I looked at the first chapter you have posted here.
You start off with a serial killer, a man who, through the narrarive with short sentences that almost all start with the subject, sounds rather simplistic. That's actually quite a good way to portray a serial killer. I found the scene rather devoid of emotion, which might suit a serial killer, too. They're rather twisted people, after all.
Then we skip to another killer, and the pattern repeats.
By the time we get to the third vignette scene, I have to admit I'm getting abit antsy. I'm not getting vibes from a POV character, and I'm not feeling a flow of narrative throught these three scenes. Why are there three scenes? Why do we need to know about these revolting men?
In the last scene, I continue to feel detached from the POV character. Who are we following? We need a character to sympathise with, or at least a character to become engaged with.
I think you have a good sense of plot, but I'd really like more emotion.

good morning