Forgiveness Fits

Hello Audrey,
YARG Review

So I was immediately drawn to your book after you mentioned that it has a similar theme to Marita's "Grafitti Heaven" (probably my favorite book on here). And I totally agree! It's a bit more toned down though and the religious feel to it is heightened.

Anyways, I loved that the story is set in the 70's. I can pretty much picture how everyone would be dressed and how they would interact with each other. Right from the start you show what kind of person Caroline is. She's somewhat likable to the reader and an underdog to her classmates. Your dialogue was dead on although it felt a bit mature at times (it could just be me though, I grew up in a really urban neighborhood) Your descriptions were also perfectly vivid.

You took a novel labeled "Christian" and made it likable enough for it to appeal to a broader audience. I applaud you for that! It sort of reminds of "A Walk To Remember"...

Highly Starred! Best of Luck :)

This is a great book. It pulls the reader in, and reminds me of all the pain of school. All the things I hated and tried to get along with, and never could. Been there, done that! But what I like about this is the way you write with fluency, with genuine sentiment. It all fits. It is real. And already by the first few lines I wonder what is going to happen, I can feel the tension rising. Great stuff. All the best with this, highly rated and on my WL Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Forgiveness Fits is a perfect tale for our modern world. Though set in the past, it will appeal to young adult readers today searching for answers and guidance, and just trying to define who they are and where they fit into the world.

Author Audrey Bennett has done what few Christian writers have accomplished, and that is to promote an uplifting, Christian message without being preachy and turning off the very readers who could get the most out of a book like this. Most of the novels I’ve read from this genre seem to have been penned in the 1950s, with unrealistic characters who don’t act at all like real teenagers today, or probably ever did outside of Leave it to Beaver.

In Forgiveness Fits we are instead given Caroline and Paul, who act real, speak like kids and have real problems to face. The dialog is spot on. Either Bennett works with kids of this age or has several. Their interactions are all realistic, just like the seemingly insurmountable problems they face – trying to be popular, tying to be good, forging a meaningful relationship, figuring out who they are, ect. Although adults may dismiss young people’s problems as unimportant, it’s only because we forget how huge it all seemed at the time. And not all mistakes made while young magically disappear once reaching “adulthood.”

The right book at the right time can change a life. And I think that Forgiveness Fits could be that book for a lot of kids looking for answers. This should be published by Harper Collins or someone else. Not only would it prove popular in terms of sales and critical reviews, but it would help a lot of young people and, if only in small ways, make society a better place.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

YARG Review (of what I've read so far)
I'm a few chapters into this and have really enjoyed everything so far. The narrative is extremely easy to read/follow while still being very engaging. The main character is very relatable. Unlike a lot of YA Christian books I have read, your MC is very comfortable with her faith without being pious or unrealistic. I also appreciate that while it is a Christian book, the kids talk the way kids talk. You don't sugar coat or gloss over terms. I'm very anxious to get to the rest of it.

Well written, well composed and carefully edited, this is a fully formed book with so much to recommend. It's not my area of expertise - never been in High School, never been female - but I've read many examples of the genre on this site and this is self-evidently one of the very best I've come across. You know your subject, teenage relationships, with the additional benefit of having expertise in the sporting references, both areas which a YA readership will relish.

Great hook at the end of chapter five, 'I didn't think having one, or two, of his kisses would be enough. I knew I'd want many, many more' reveals so much about being a fifteen year old girl and is guaranteed to resonate with your target audience.

I've made no attempt to look for errors, far too presumptuous, but contented myself with evaluating the storyline and its effectiveness. This is a well written book that does exactly what it sets out to do. If only all books worked so well. Belatedly, on my shelf with pleasure.

Jake

Audrey, you may very well have written your book in a timely fashion due to so much attention being directed at school problems these days. We see it the news and I-Net regularly as you are most aware surely. Well I revisited the book even though I have read it earlier and must say you have done a fine job. Bringing the characters to life with many thoughts and conversations plus the drama of everything has the ability to captivate the reader. I regret I am so far removed from the "School Days" and actually came from a smaller town in West Texas where kids could just be kids back in those days. We had minor issues but for the most part it is a bit over whelming for me to relate to the bullying tactics used so frequently of late. What I like about your book is that the title actually has direct relation to the plot and ending. So kudos for a well written book and I wish you well.

Regards,
Walt

Audrey, you may very well have written your book in a timely fashion due to so much attention being directed at school problems these days. We see it the news and I-Net regularly as you are most aware surely. Well I revisited the book even though I have read it earlier and must say you have done a fine job. Bringing the characters to life with many thoughts and conversations plus the drama of everything has the ability to captivate the reader. I regret I am so far removed from the "School Days" and actually came from a smaller town in West Texas where kids could just be kids back in those days. We had minor issues but for the most part it is a bit over whelming for me to relate to the bullying tactics used so frequently of late. What I like about your book is that the title actually has direct relation to the plot and ending. So kudos for a well written book and I wish you well.

Regards,
Walt

Dear Audrey,

Just popping in for a little mini review. I am so glad 'Forgiveness Fits' is up in the CLF! I have been wanting to revisit your book, and this gives me the perfect opportunity.

I re-read your first chapter. This is so well-written, Audrey. I love your natural flow, and I love the smooth style. Each part of your story unravels easily, making this a true pleasure to read. The characterization is wonderfully done in the opening as well. We get a real sense of who Caroline is... and Lauren and even Paul. It is clear Caroline is socially isolated, and the emotional connection here is powerfully made.

I think you may have added some more 70's details since I last visited your piece. I don't remember reading about the afros and jumpsuits last time, and this time these details really helped establish the setting in my mind.

I love the universal emerging themes of this book. Regardless of time frame, some things never change. There will always be social isolation, bullying, and sadly, even assault. Your book is powerful, Audrey, and it's message is of great importance. I'm looking forward to reading more and will leave another comment when I do.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Hi Audrey,
This is one of the christian writer's reviews. I'll try to comment what I've read in the past 3 chapters.
Title and cover looks goos, but you should add something to the synopsys - more info about Caroline being new in this high school in Spokane in the 1970s, then something about her friendship with Paul, then the attack, and then how she copes with attck, i.e. forgiveness.
The intro looks right on. The first couple paragraph makes a good hook, especially about how easily it is to love something you are familiar with. I like the writing style and Caroline's viewpoint in everything. The jokes and snyde remarks that the other students make to her and how she finds refuge in her faith makes a great example for a YA christain audience. The occasional references to 1970s culture, clothes, hair styles, music and pop stars makes a great addition and adds flavor, especially to a modern YA audience - as well as to folks like me who went to jr. high and high school during this time.
my only nit-pic is that sometimes I felt like the story line was dragging on too much and I wish you could quicken up the pace here and there to make the story even more interesting - otherwise you endanger the reader from getting bored, and that's something I don't want to happen.
Wish I had more time to read more. I hope this is useful to you.
All the best.
Kirk
"The Notorious Expat Wives"

Audrey--(for CLF)--I'm re-reading from the beginning. The edit at the end of chapter 1 is very good. It is more subtle and neutral.

I like your book, I am in the fifth chapter. You have a very smooth writing style and show much talent. Caroline interests me very much.
If you junior year is 1975, how does Paul have a 2002 BMW? Also, not to be picky, in the second chapter you said that your first year at Ferrius high you tried tan un familiar role, you accidently wrote tan instead of an. I'm going to read more as soon as I catch up on my trades. God Bless, Crayton P.S. Many Stars for you book.

This is a BHCG review.

I'm going to first put a disclaimer up before I start giving you my thoughts: This is pretty far outside of the genres I normally read, but I'm going to give a shot at this anyway. I've read through the first 2 chunks of text.

You have a pretty compelling start, but it feels like you're missing a few 'and's in your descriptors. The first time, it was a little jarring but I ignored it, but you use this frequently in your style, which kind of made me feel like I was sitting a trotting horse without bothering to post. Your writing style is very smooth as a general rule, except for these few instances where it is jarring. I'm not sure if it is intentional as a part of style of they're getting missed, but they didn't give any additional impact for me and brought more attention to it that I think warrants. This might just be me, though.

The thing that bothered me the most -- and actually confused me -- is that your short pitch talks about Paul. However, the story is about Caroline. It is from her POV, while she is mentioned in the pitch, the story seems to be about Paul, so I assumed that it was Paul's POV due to how much the story was about him. If possible, could you perhaps consider your pitch because it is a little misleading on who the story is about?

To go back to the writing style, I think you have a very compelling voice; that I made it through 2 chunks before losing interest is a pretty big accomplishment for me since this isn't the type of story that normally holds my attention for more than a few pages.

However, one thing that did bother me is that the story up to this point is about bullying. I don't have a problem with the content being about bullying and a character feeling left out, but rather that there isn't a whole lot in the terms of stakes for the character. She's already in a pretty bad shape in terms of how she's treated,and while she doesn't trust those trying to help her, there aren't any real *stakes* to make me really care what happens. Right now, things are on cruise. If she fails, she isn't really going down any further than she already is. She doesn't have a suicidal edge that makes me worried that her failure would lead to dire consequences. There just wasn't anything that made me scoot to the edge of my seat.

I'm not going to make comments about the pacing, it was entertaining enough of a read, but it ties in fairly close with the lack of stakes. The story moved forward (to a point) but it didn't have the impact that I think it could otherwise have if there was something actually at stake in these first two chunks of text.

I definitely think this is a promising story, and I hope that my comments are of use to you!

~RJ

Audrey, "Forgiveness Fits" reads like a winner! It definitely describes in realistic detail the bullying tactics of students in highschool. I like the tone and language you use as it takes the reader into that insular world so well. The way you weave Christian beliefs and standards into the character's actions make it an easy read. I would suggest that in Chapter 8, you may want to consider paraphrasing the quotes as this seems preachy and a little unrealistic. Could they simply talk about what they were advised? I didn't find any grammar or punctuation errors. Very well written and highly starred.
Jane > "The Celestial Proposal"

CCRG review - Audrey, I had read some of your book before but it's been awhile so I thought I'd start at the beginning again. Read ch. 1 so far. I think you set the stage well with showing who Caroline is and the bullying that she endures. I'm curious if young adults today would understand who some of the people are from the 70's - Tony Orlando and Dawn, Cybill Shepherd, etc. Brings back great memories for me, but I wasn't sure what today's youth would think.

I'll be back to read more!

Blessings,

Patti

I've read part of this book. So far it's an interesting account of how harsh kids can be with each other. Caroline seems a determined character and not one to give up on getting what she wants. She keeps saying she knows she can get along with people. That's a good message to be sending to young people. I'm giving it lots of stars and putting it on my watch list.

YARG
CCRC
Dear Audrey: If I were Caroline or Paul, I'm afraid I wouldn't have had the ability to forgive the bullies. I would have wanted to see them in jail! Well obviously you can see how wrapped up in your story I became - even though it is a story for young adults. This time I read the whole thing and the scene in chapter 17 is brutal in it's honest portrayal of the rape. Leave it in the book as it is. Audrey, the "grammar hag" in you wrote such beautiful English that I haven't even a single nit pik to offer...darn! In fact, about the only suggestion that I can think of is that you might make Caroline a little more 15-ish in years. Although you did a marvelous job of developing the romance between Paul and Caroline, both she and Paul display the maturity of a twenty-something and I had to keep reminding myself that she was 15/16. Audrey, this is a great Christian novel for young adults! I would not worry about it being too "brutal" or explicit - because our world is just that: brutal for young folks. I do like Aiden and how you lightened up things a bit with his opinion of "kissing" in both chapter 7 and chapter 16. and I could see Chase, Nathan, and Nick doing life in a prison without any remorse - afraid my lack of forgiveness here fails to demonstate Christ's! By the way, you do a beautiful job, without being pushy or in-your-face, of bringing in Scripture, excepts from C. S. Lewis and others to elucidate a Christian approach to love and marriage. Hope this makes it to the top in Christian fiction for young folks!!! Many stars and it will go back on my bookshelf for a spell as soon as I can arrange an open spot. Prayers for success. Pat

(Based on Authonomy chapters 1-3, or 1-6 in your dog year chapters: bit confusing, that)

Hello Audrey,

I am returning your read. I should warn you that when critiquing I am often accompanied by The Warlock of Syntax. But he probably won't say anything; he's very shy. And don't worry - he doesn't have any occult affiliations. He's an Urban Wicca.

Here are my notes:

Ch1: Establishes the characters voice very quickly. Acutely observed: how even an act of kindness from an adult can mortify a teenager. When I was that age if I had to go anywhere with my mum I used to make her walk ten paces behind me because she was "bad for my image".

I didn't get this business about Message number 1 and message number 2. If No2 was the condoms what was message No1? Maybe that will be revealed later.

Oh, dear, Audrey. You misspelled "Cybill Shepherd"! Fix it quickly and, as ever, it's our secret and will go no further.

I felt that there was a bit too much going on in Chapter 1, like maybe it would have been better to just hear Caroline's backstory rather than having it jostle for attention with Laurens. Though, I do recognize that kind of exchange of information is a central tenet of conversation..

"The sun, bright and warm, in its bowl of blue" That's nice, simple.

Ch2: In consideration of her Independent Living class, Caroline reiterated her Lizard Lounge analogy from the previous chapter. That's nothing criminal, though.

Wasn't keen on this line: "The personality "invisible" chafed". Is invisible a personality? I can't see it!

Wasn't sure about this, either: "In the locker room later, she approached me, fully dressed". Were you worried the approach might be misconstrued if she wasn't fully dressed? Is this authorial intrusion or an insight into Caroline's sense of reserve? Don't ask me, I don't know.

Ch3: I might have missed it but I think this was the first time you referred to the school by its real name "Ferris" (previously it was only mentioned as"Homogenous High"). It caught me off-guard at first, I thought Ferris was a character.

I didn't make any notes on the next three chapters, they felt a bit nippier in pace and I was more absorbed. Paul emerging as the lurve interest seemed to crank the plot machinations up a bit.

I'm not going to fib and say I'll be back to read more, because I won't. It's well-written and carefully considered, but if anything I'd say that it's too thorough in it's detailing. That's probably because I'm more accustomed to seeing this kind of story told through the medium of film, rather than any failing on your part. A breakdown of all the schools varied cliques would have been achieved in such a film via a 30 second montage accompanied by a sardonic voiceover from the sassy central protagonist. In your book it takes several chapters of expositional dialogue to achieve the same effect.

In Summary: A tad too leisurely for me, but I enjoyed what I read nonetheless.

I've got to go now, the Warlock has concocted an elderberry poultice for my shingles!

Dave

Well. I came along to do a BHCG review, which usually involves me reading perhaps 3 to 4 chapters. I finished ch7 in the Authonomy system, 15 in yours. Which doesn't usually happen. Your writing is clean and polished, your characterisation of Caroline well drawn. I think what drew me on initially was actually skepticisim - I've seen bullying and the extent and length of time of Caroline's isolation, and her indifferent attitude to it struck me as false - I couldn't imagine every other kid isolating her when they knew something about the nature of the bullies, especially if she was pretty and likeable - such kids seldom get bullied and she had been one of the socialites.
Still, despite my skepticism about the basic premise, Caro was well enough realised that I cared for her and wanted to see how this was going to develop. I would have expected her to be a bit more bitter and questioning - given this is in first person it surprises me that there is no crying out to God. But despite these questions you drew an emotional response from me and you have evident skill as a writer - your dialogue is easy, natural and well timed (something I struggle with), the plot and action is well timed, I didn't get bored or feel the need to skip, which reactions happen depressingly often here in the authonomyverse.
The fact of Caro's isolation has been enough of a plot mover to satisfy thus far - of course we all know something decidedly more ugly must be coming, but for now I'd better get back to work.
From what I've seen thus far, this is eminently publishable on a Christian label, in terms of quality of characters and writing - it's very warm.

BHCG review:
Plot- opens at a key moment, events progress smoothly, narrative momentum kept up.
Pace- background information revealed gradually, sustains reader's interest about what happened 'last year'. Not boring in any places, no information overload.
Characterisation- Whilst a protagonist who has been a victim of bullying is sympathetic, I did feel like we didn't have enough of an emotional connection with Caroline, because often you describe her reactions to things but not her feelings. In general, characters are believable and well developed.
Point of View/Voice- A convincing teenage voice, but like I said before, it would be nice to know more about what Caroline feels.
Style- I like the style- first person works very well with the genre.
Sentence Level- I couldn't find any mistakes; the writing is technically flawless
Dialogue- convincing, believable teenage voices.
Originality- Deals with a common theme, but the voice is fresh and original, and the approach through forgiveness gives it an interesting twist.
Publishability- I think this is definitely good-quality enough to be published- it's just a question of establishing a better connection with the main character. Great work, and best of luck with this!

Emma

A BHCG review;

Hi Audrey,

I've read your first chapter and this really isn't a book for me. I go completely against the grain given the comments below and the ranking of the book. I had intended to read three chapters, but I couldn't go on after reading chapter one. I found it boring and tedious at times, which, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know is not a slight on your writing but a completely subjective viewpoint.

The main reason behind me losing interest with it is that at no point was I gripped with anything. For me I was listening to a moody teenager subject to bullying and wondering why she was the target. The story didn't point to anything other than this and by the time I reached the end of the chapter there was no pull to keep on reading - it felt as if I would be reading the exact same stuff in the next chapter.

Your main character felt bland and uninteresting. She didn't have a personality that made one relate with her or feel anything towards her. In fact I didn't get the feeling that she had any personality at all. There was very little internal thought for a narrative written in the first person - everything revolved around what was immediately there or surrounding her. There seemed to be no psychology at play - no jealousy for what Lauren looked like, for a pretty boy, for the general misfortune she was placed in.

A brief moment where my interest was caught was the bit where she opened the condoms in the locker. That I thought was a great moment to feel her personality - but there was nothing other than a brief reference to her lack of sexual activity. Then it came up again with the boys in Independent Studies - but there was no angst on her part and no consideration of her own lack of aptitude in that area and why she shouldn't.

The conversation with Lauren was tedious. Here I really wanted to get something out of this story, but it was very irritating that what would prove interesting, what would grip me - the origins of the bullying and the stories that spread - was just forgotten about and left me hanging in a bad way. I wanted something worthwhile from this and not answering it just left me annoyed. By the end of the chapter there was no incentive to keep reading.

And you can see my problem was with the character and the the plot of the story. The descriptions, the actual writing, and the pace were all fine. You can write, there is no denying that, but I felt I needed more from the writing.

Again, my response to it is very much a subjective one. You have more than enough positive remarks to ignore this one - and I think you should. But I thought that it would be better to leave you my honest thoughts and at least know why people may not like your book.

Yours,
Joe

This is a YARG review

Forgiveness Fits


There’s something very appealing about Caroline’s voice. The detail of the homemade skirt and the writhing strips of condoms introduce us quickly to what is difficult in her world. I like the amount of dialogue too, which is easy to follow and seems appropriate for the girls and their ages. I very much like that it’s set in the seventies and the descriptions of the clothing and that sort of thing are helpful in building up a picture of what it was like.

The description of the new boy with the milkshake is particularly good, and Caroline’s reaction to him shows what kind of girl she is.

Found one thing in the first chapter that didn’t work for me - “..the youngest sister of three wildly over-popular older girls.” It’s not clear here if there are four sisters or three. I think you mean there are four, in which case, it would be better as “the younger sister of three wildly over-popular older girls.” I know that she is the youngest (because there are more than two of them) but in this sentence, I think she is the younger.

I’m a little bit put off by the early mention of the Bible, which makes Caroline less relatable for me. I worry that some of the choices she makes later might be challenging for me to understand but this, of course, in no way influences my opinion of your rather good writing! I’m going to leave it at the first chapter for now, but I did enjoy what I read. I will star it highly!

Lucy

Hello!

I know you pointed this out to me a wee while ago when I was looking for nonn-fantasy YA reads, sorry its taken me so long to get to it!

I was a little unsure about the Christian tag, but it had much broader appeal than that. I've read tot he end of chapter 4 (7, I think, by your splits?) and I am really enjoying it. Great language that never feels cliche, and nice, smooth flow. A few American references I didn't get, or it may be that I'm a little too young for the 70s, but it didn't detract from meaning or enjoyment.

I think the thing I'm most impressed with is your main character. She comes across as intelligent, interesting and with a strong sense of self. You've nailed the whole concept of a bullied teenager trying her best to get through life, mistrusting those around her, without descending into whiney emo territory. All the allusions to things that have happened to make her this way are a great hook to keep reading. I also really like that she doesn't just roll over and start trusting Paul because he has a compelling smile - she's reacting to his advances realistically.

The only thing that jarred a little, and this is really really minor, is that she makes a point of explaining how even her car-friends only really make small talk with her on the ride home, yet Joey and Damon invite her to the dance seemingly out of the blue.

Other than that, high stars and I imagine I'll be back to read more!

Dear Audrey,
As promised I started reading Forgiveness Fits and intended doing half today,but finished the whole story. I couldn't put it down. I cannot fault your English (as can be expected of course!) and the story flowed smoothly. As an older generation scholar we of course did not have as much "making out" as you tell in your book,but the advice not to be alone all the time is sound,
as is the young couple's application of the Bible verses which no doubt sustained them to make right decisions, without forgiveness their own relationship might've suffered.
Just a minor observation on Frankl's quote. Clarify somehow that "love" as he describes here is 'agape' i.e. built on principle not "eros."Here where we live every second highschool girl gets pregnant;we hve bumperstickers:"We are children of love,love leads the way."
Your book is a must for young people so highly starred and for now on my w/l.
Thank you again for your advice last week. Was well noted and applied.
Kindest regards
Maretha/African Adventures of Flame,Family,Furry and Feathered Friends

Bullying in school and rising above that can be a dangerous topic to choose when writing, just because there are already so many books with the same theme. But your book is fresh and funny, and the voice of Caroline is strong and unique, as are the other characters. I have to admit, though, that some of the references to the 1970s were a bit confusing, but I'm sure they are accurate to the time period -and didn't seriously take away from the narrative.

I've read a couple of chapters and really like your writing style and the characters that you've created. It's on my watch list and I hope to have time to read more soon. Highly starred.
I don't have a book but am supporting a YA book The Boy From The Next Dimension if you'd like to take a look.

Im finally catching up with my reading! I love your characters and the dynamics between them - very realistic. I'm looking forward to reading more & planning on backing soon.

Lorna
Toward the Closing Door

Ive read the first chapter and thoroughly enjoyed it. The portrayal of high school life is realistic and it is a well written piece of work. I enjoyd hearing about how different Lauren and Caroline are and am interested to see how this story will progress.

BHCG comment:

First, Audrey, let me say that the prosecutor in me revolted to tears. Throw the book at them, as your prosecutor did in filing the charges. Your writing is excellent and I can see such great potential in reaching a young audience that hopefully will draw life lessons for their own benefit. It's beautiful!

PLOT - good opening so that a reader would want to read on

PACING - good pacing with backstory not at all overdone. You're establishing the environment and building the setting, so I thought it was the right amount

CHARACTER/CHARACTERIZATION - you've definitely followed through with character development. I like the way you introduced them and the relationship between them fit their particular ages

POINT OF VIEW/VOICE - well done here, as well, with consistency. I didn't have any problem following along, there were no sudden swithces to break the continuity. I think it was wise to write in the first person for intimacy with the main character, especially because of the subject your book covers.

STYLE - easy to read, enjoyable, appealing to a young adult audience

SENTENCE LEVEL - it read smooth, without annoying repetitions

DIALOGUE - excellent dialogue, it didn't seem forced or unnatural

ORIGINALITY - having known many victims, it doesn't matter how widespread, it affects each deeply and personally

PUBLISHABILITY - your audience is young adult and your book holds a tremendous message. You covered a subject that probably begins about that age, where feelings are hurt and friends offended, and your premise - from a line I found powerful - "...it won't have any strength if you forgive them." This book holds an uplifting, positive message that reinforces a truth that will accompany for a lifetime. Excellent and in my opinion it is unquestionably publishable!

TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

I've read your first few chapters and put the rest on my watchlist to read as soon as I've the chance. Having been a teacher all my life, all I can say about your story so far is, "wow" - does that resonate with my experiences! Your writing style is very clear and interesting - the reader is immediately drawn into the story. I believe you have a best seller and look forward to reading the rest of your book :-) It is now on my bookshelf. Blessings, Pat

Audrey,
Althoiugh there are a lot of lessons to learn from this book, the entertainment value stands out undiminished. The plot is strong, the narrative easy to follow and the dialogue effective conveyances of relevant information. Your characters are sympathetic for the most part, and I couldn't help but cheer Caroline and Paul on. With the kind of world we live in, not enough could be said about handling adversity without compromising one's Christian principles. Thank you so much.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hi Audrey,
I finally got back to your book. Sorry it's taken so long. It's a great story, but what I love is that you're teaching young adults principles that will benefit them for life. I haven't read very far yet, so I will comment again later.

Your grammar and spelling are impeccable, so I guess the Grammar Hag has been on your back. (lol) I've now rated your book with six stars and it's on my shelf.

Hi Audrey
I've been reading your book the last few days and find it quite extraordinary and can't seem to stop reading it. Your writing and metaphors are absolutely brilliant. I can totally relate to the school bullies and peer pressure. It is astounding that it continues today but in greater magnitude sometimes. Your prose is so tightly weaved that I find myself living your story. Bringing in Caroline s faith as she travels on her journey of forgiveness is meaningful to the story. I just love this book. I am grateful for your critique on GGG. I will certainly take them to heart. I am a member of the forum and have found many wonderful books there. I hope we can be friends. Its wonderful that there are so many Christian writers on the site. I wish you much luck and prayers for the top of the editors list. Blessings Joy.

Hello Audrey.
In reading your bio I was happy to note you do not do the ego-stroking comment thing. That is what I most dislike about my day job in the corporate world and about this site!

I picked up your book because you are a Christian writer and bullying is one of your tags. I've read three chapters.

As a willful, unpopular girl going to high school in the late 70's early 80's, I totally identify with your MC. I felt like a leader inside- but outside I was just the "sort of ugly girl." Your discriptions of the time and behavior of the students is right on. I only found a couple of a expressions I felt were more modern. For example, I don't recall anyone using the term "slackers" until the nineties, but I could be wrong.

I was wondering about your marketing plan. The cover makes me think young adult- but I'm not sure they would appreciate all of the nostalgia. I find marketing the hardest part of getting a book to fly. What is your approach if you don't mind sharing?

Best of luck. Stacy G.

Hello Audrey.
In reading your bio I was happy to note you do not do the ego-stroking comment thing. That is what I most dislike about my day job in the corporate world and about this site!

I picked up your book because you are a Christian writer and bullying is one of your tags. I've read three chapters.

As a willful, unpopular girl going to high school in the late 70's early 80's, I totally identify with your MC. I felt like a leader inside- but outside I was just the "sort of ugly girl." Your discriptions of the time and behavior of the students is right on. I only found a couple of a expressions I felt were more modern. For example, I don't recall anyone using the term "slackers" until the nineties, but I could be wrong.

I was wondering about your marketing plan. The cover makes me think young adult- but I'm not sure they would appreciate all of the nostalgia. I find marketing the hardest part of getting a book to fly. What is your approach if you don't mind sharing?

Best of luck. Stacy G.

Wow! This isn't my genre but as soon as I started reading I wanted to continue. Your writing style is such that you draw your reader into the world of Caroline and you make it very easy to relate to. Although I don't have the time right now to read the entire posting, I will be coming back to read more!

Rated highly! Best of luck.

Drew
"The Eyes of Tokorel"

Splendid piece of work!
The story is so well developed and written out.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look again at my Christian pirate adventure Driving Winds, when you have time.

Hi Audrey, thanks for accepting the friendship offer. I have put your book on my WL and will read it very soon. Please have a look at "Who, me? Dead? when you have a moment. Thanks again, Michael.

Hi, Audrey. I've finally gotten around to reading your book...all of it at once...and I can't find anything really to improve on. I really want to know the ending! This is a beautiful story. I wish you all the best with this...
~Hannah

YARG Review

This is a good story, painful at times. It takes me back to high school (and not in a good way), because it is so realistic of how the new kid gets picked on. I was the new kid a few times, so I know. I love the way you have the adult at the beginning trying to be helpful and saying the wrong things, like pointing out how she made her skirt herself and can't afford new clothes. The dialogue is genuine. My only problem with this story is that you have huge chunks of dialogue where there is almost nothing else happening, just back and forth with the talking. Editors call that 'talking heads.' I think your story would go from good to great if you had a little more going on. Interrupt the conervasations once in a while with the main character's internal thoughts or some action. It would be nice to see what is going on around the characters as they talk to each other. Anyway, I did enjoy it, and I wish you luck with it. Since I only read the first three chapters, I plan to return at a later time when I can read more. I'm going to put this on my shelf. :)

Hi, Audrey. This is a BHCG review.

Uh oh. I think I’m supposed to come up with a whole bunch of brutally honest criticisms of your book, and I think I am about to fail in this mission. I loved the book and thought it was very well done. I’ve come up with a few things, but overall, I think it’s excellent. So don't worry about it!

Plot – I was immediately pulled into the story and engaged by the very likeable main character.

Pacing –I read WAY beyond what I intended, even though I neither read nor write YA or romance.

Characters/Characterization -- mostly outstanding. In broad outlines, Paul is a bit usual for a romantic lead in that he is very tall, rich and impossible to discourage, and although he allegedly has flaws (like not cleaning his room), in fact he is near perfect. However, he turns out to be totally likeable and engaging. I fell for him! The success of his characterization for me lies in the dialogue, mostly with Caroline. Their conversations are natural, clever and fun to read.

Point of View/Voice – POV is consistent, the voice is strong.

The only stylistic crits I have are quite minor. This is set in the seventies? A character is called “hot,” and this is an anachronism. I don’t think we called people hot (with that connotation). Later a character says someone is a stud. That’s authentic for the time.

I love the coat she wears (indifference) – warm, then damp, eventually unneeded.

Another point of style is more subjective. When characters talk, I prefer that they do not grin and chuckle too much. In fact, I’d rather they didn’t chuckle at all. A chuckle is just a quiet laugh, but I think the word got overused and ruined somewhere along the line, and it makes me think of a squirrel. It’s a little hard for me to picture real people chuckling in between remarks. But maybe that’s just me.

“Skin-tight wide-legged jeans” gave me pause… does she have wide legs????

In chapter 15, did you mean to say “that’s because you like me” twice?

The only other thought I have is that I began to wonder about the motivations of the very cruel (turns out they are seriously criminal unto felonious) bullies. Why so relentlessly vicious towards Caroline, escalating to brutal rape? As an object of bullying, she is not typical, even though she was isolated in the first year (apparently just for being new). She is not the sort of timid, troubled or disadvantaged child who is usually the target of bullies. You would almost expect that she unwittingly offended or challenged one of them early on, but if this happened, I missed it. So I felt there was some shortage of motivation for the extraordinary acts of the antagonists.

I raise these few issues in the spirit of being brutally honest, but in fact, I had a hard time putting this book down even though it is not my type of book. I can’t imagine why it could not be a very successful published YA book. All the best luck with it! Great job.

Elizabeth Buhmann
The Made-Up Man
http://www.authonomy.com/books/41698/the-made-up-man/

Wonderful! I love reading ya and ya christian (that's what I write as well) Loved the feeling your book has, very well written. I am backing Forgiveness fits!

Audrey, I have been aware of your book ever since I joined the site, and have always put off reading it because of the Christian tag. The Christian element is a big turn-off for me, I’m afraid, comes from being a cynical European, and too much exposure to The Waltons when I was a kid. As a non-Christian, non-American, there was a lot about your book that I found perplexing. Some of the cultural references (the conversation between Caroline, Lauren and the boys in the Independent Living class for example) went over my head, as did the school set up (what’s homeroom?).

This isn’t the first book on autho I’ve looked at that has ostracism as a theme. The locker crops up as well – in one book it was a bucket of fish that dropped out of it. Is this common in American High schools?
Caroline I found rather an enigma. She doesn’t speak to anyone, won’t even look at her classmates because she thinks she’s ‘invisible’. Yet it turns out she has a whole bunch of friends. Terri who defends her in sports class, Joey and Damon, Emily the Asian girl. Now Lauren. How many friends does she need?
If Caroline wants to blend in with the wallpaper and doesn’t want people to comment on her clothes, why would she do something as wacky as making a skirt out of kids’ worn-out jeans?
I was very surprised when she takes a Bible out of her bag to read at lunchtime. If anything’s going to set her up for ridicule it’s going to be that. Or am I completely off culture here?
Lauren is a character I have trouble finding completely credible. At first I thought she was just being ghoulish, trying to get Caroline to spill the beans about what happened the year before. Maybe I’m just a cynic, but she seems to turn into a real goody two shoes. As Caroline points out, she had all of the previous year to be bosom pals with her if she’d wanted to.
Some of Caroline’s retorts seem rather unfriendly to me. She wants friends, but she rebuffs people, assumes they are all just waiting for an opportunity to be spiteful. Then she goes and wipes down the nerdy new kid who spills his drink all over himself, and says prayers for him. She is a girl who feels totally alone, completely ignored and unwanted; yet she manages to give some pretty sharp replies when she is approached. In her place I’d have been a helpless puddle of tears on the floor. She strikes me as a very mixed up character, which is not a criticism – a creeping Jesus would not make a very interesting MC.

I can see that by the time of the school dance, Caroline’s friends are finally getting the message through to her that they are friends, and get her to join in. You portray Caroline’s sense of insecurity very well, the imagined and real slights, the fear of the next unpleasantness. I can understand why she should be so reserved and suspicious. But having conceded her that much understanding, I’m afraid I also succumbed to morbid curiosity and wanted to know, what’s she supposed to have done? I felt a bit let down when she responded to Lauren’s probing by insisting that she was a virgin. Was that all it was? Maybe I had a very rumbustious upbringing, I did go to a convent school after all, but virgin or not was not a subject of much interest.

All of these are cultural quibbles, and bear no reflection on the quality of your writing, though they do make it harder for a non-American to get to grips with the story. I did see my pet hate word, awesome, creeping in here and there. Again that’s just my problem.
The dialogue is sharp and flows well and you have created a lot of potentially interesting characters. Paul sounds like a nice guy and I was rather annoyed with Caroline for being so rude to him at the dance. Okay, so she suspects his motives. She also finds him ‘compelling’. Why didn’t she just talk to him instead?
Although this is a story that doesn’t strike many chords with me, for cultural reasons, I can appreciate the extremely good writing. It’s a story that possibly will have more appeal in the US than elsewhere, though as they say, when America sneezes, the rest of the world catches a cold. Maybe we’ll rediscover Christianity and swap kicking the bad guys for forgiveness.
Good luck with this Audrey, though you don’t need it – Forgiveness Fits is headed for the top.

YARG Review:

Hi Audrey, I've recently read (and commented on) Stones by P.Johnson and your book was next on the list. You might say I arrived here by accident! I've only had time to read the first chapter so far, but I'll try to come back for more and leave another comment. At first I wasn't completely sure about your pitch. Stories set in (American) high-schools often suffer from one too many cliches and/or stereotypes.

I think you've been very smart to set your tale in a different era (the 70s) when cultural attitudes and tastes were entirely different. The only downside is that it may alienate younger readers. I'm 33 (born in 1979) and have no idea who Lauren Hutton, Cybill Shepherd and Ali McGraw are/were. To your credit, I don't think it affects or has any impact on the story. You do a great job of making Caroline's narration believable.

My only criticism is that a bit more description and/or expression would really add to your dialogue. Also, I didn't get Homogenous High, is that intentional? The loneliness of Caroline's plight, and the way she tries to put on a brave face, is real and authentic. As horrible as Chase and Nick are, I'm glad there's no explanation for their behaviour. Bullies are until they're not; their actions defy logic.

Your writing's fluent and very easy to read. It's uncomplicated, but compels your readers to find out more. How far will the bullies go to get at one person? You haven't shied away from the kind of details (the locker incident for example) that other Christian authors might not touch with a barge pole. It's important for any teenager to feel understood.

The idea of being an outcast and not fitting in is universal in any language. As such, I can see Forgiveness Fits having widespread appeal! Highly starred,

Ben - The Frogness of Being

Hello Audrey,
YARG Review

So I was immediately drawn to your book after you mentioned that it has a similar theme to Marita's "Grafitti Heaven" (probably my favorite book on here). And I totally agree! It's a bit more toned down though and the religious feel to it is heightened.

Anyways, I loved that the story is set in the 70's. I can pretty much picture how everyone would be dressed and how they would interact with each other. Right from the start you show what kind of person Caroline is. She's somewhat likable to the reader and an underdog to her classmates. Your dialogue was dead on although it felt a bit mature at times (it could just be me though, I grew up in a really urban neighborhood) Your descriptions were also perfectly vivid.

You took a novel labeled "Christian" and made it likable enough for it to appeal to a broader audience. I applaud you for that! It sort of reminds of "A Walk To Remember"...

Highly Starred! Best of Luck :)

Hi Audrey,
I just read the first 9 chapters of Forgiveness Fits. It is a lovely story, it hooks the reader right away, but then it seems more like a story of falling in love than a mystery about why Caroline is so unwelcome at her school.
It is very well written, I noticed only a few small typos - mainly Quotations turned the wrong way.
Very Nicely done!
Thanks!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

This chapter was good too, all three parts. I liked meeting Paul Corbin, and also hearing about the fashions of the time and the mention of certain characters dressed up or looking like some of the pop/rock stars of that era. I also liked the inclusion of The Outsiders and had to have a look at my copy to see when it was published :) I was checking that it was before the 1970s.

I have three comments:
1) When Caroline was talking to Lauren and finds out exactly what the boys have been saying about her, I would've thought she'd show more of a reaction, but it was like, okay, no surprises, I'm not upset. If it was me I'd be upset.
2) The mention of her locker pornography collection sounded strange, and it took a moment for me to realise she was talking about the condom prank.
3) The last bit after when Caroline's bra was unhitched on the dance floor there was a jump and she was suddenly flushing the toilet. I'd do a transition of maybe have her running there upset, or walking out fast, trying to hold in her upset.

That's all for now. I'll leave you a comment after the next section I read. All the best, Marita.

I Love your new cover. IT so FITS.LOL (Little pun there.)

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Hi Audrey--I don't think I've told you that I've read chapters 1 &2. It's very good--you write well and do dialog near perfectly. Five stars from me.

You really got me with the description of the boy in chapter 2--"compelling" looks. I don't think I've ever seen that description before--really effective. And the MC's reaction is perfect--restrained--"Hm."

Since I'm a 63 yr. old man, I'm probably not going to read a lot more. But I can see handing the book to my 13 yr. old granddaughter.

You are on my shelf, though I may need to rotate that position. Please call on me when you really, really need to get a boost.

Jim Workman
Christopher Hitchens At Heaven--Atheist Meets Jesus
authonomy.com/books/41994/christopher-hitchens-at-heaven-atheist-meets-jesus/

You're right, there are similarities in themes between our stories. Later on in my chapters my character Tiana gets bullied because of what she went home to do with Ash, plus she's religious, although nowhere near as much as Caroline is.

I've got the feeling that something has happened to your character Caroline along the lines of what Tiana is going through. Obviously, not exactly the same, but it's sexually related with the condoms stuffed into Caroline's locker. I'm wondering whether she turned someone down or was attacked in some way, not exactly sure, but these questions leaves me wanting to read on to find out, which is what a first chapter should do. The reason why I thought she could've turned someone down is the words of Slut, etc. and the taunting of the boys. I remember this happening to me at high school when I turned someone down. Next thing they were taunting me with the name sloppy-box, when I hadn't even gone out with a boy let alone done anything more (the good Catholic girl that I was back then:) Because of this, I think girls will be able to relate to Caroline, minus maybe the strange way she carries here bible with her :) But, even she thinks people will find that strange. She is certainly quirky: From the bible to her home-made jeans dress. But, a main character needs to have quirks to make her appear all the more real, plus she's likeable.

Structurally your first chapter was sound, and I couldn't find anything wrong with it, no noticeable typos either. Since you have a similar theme to mine I will continue reading and will leave you a comment after each chapter. Kind regards, Marita.

A very good book about forgiveness through some very trying ordeals. I had a bit of trouble with the dialogue in the sense it seemed at times the main characters Caroline and Paul seemed to be portrayed in a more adult way than their ages both through their conversations and inter actions. But that is probably just me and should not reflect on the quality of the book as whole. It is a good story and the characters are allowed to reveal details about personality and thoughts so they appear more realistic.

Audrey keeps the story moving along, and drops back into the earlier chapters to point to events or thoughts which flow natural and remind you where the plot has been and yet does not give away where it is going. She uses some good scripture references to drive home the Biblical points as well.

It deserves a good rating and expectations to rise much higher in the rankings. Younger readers should easily relate to the story and hopefully learn from the characters she has created here. All in all I must say Audrey has done a very good job.

Respectfully,
Walt

Chapter 7 and 8 are sweet chapters.
I like the way your romance is growing for your characters.
it flows very well. Also the development of the story is well paced.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Audrey, you asked me to take a look at Forgiveness Fits, and I couldn't stop reading. This is well written, polished, and relevant to our world today though it is set in the past. Caroline and Paul are well rounded characters, but so are all the supporting characters. You set a leisurely pace, allowing the reader to become emotionally invested in Caroline and what is happening to her at school. She truly deserves to have friends and find love, and Paul is everything we could ask for in a love interest for her.

You show their story beautifully, really drawing the reader in, not only to their lives but the time period as well. One of my favorite parts was the description of the Lounge Lizards, later affectionately called the Lone Wolves.

One thing I could ask for more of, earlier in the story, is Caroline's relationship with her parents. It is late in the narrative when we finally meet her mom, and I feel that we never really meet her dad. I wondered, early on, where they were going to come in, and it is late when we find out the extent of her dad's drinking problem and that part of spending her weekends and afternoons at the Monahans is an escape from the reality of his drinking, and not just because she's being paid.

That is really my only suggestion, and it may not necessarily be a good one. I wish you best of luck with this, highly starred and backed.

I really enjoyed this read. it reminded me a lot of "Prep" by Curtis Sittenfeld (which I enjoyed as well).

I felt like the characters were really well drawn. There were things I read and thought "that feels exactly like high school." You've done a great job building a believable youth culture. That being said, there were times I felt things were a bit on the cliche side. But then again, things are cliche because they happen.

I like the building suspense regarding what happened to Caroline before Paul Corbin arrived. I am desperate to know what was placed in her locker. With each horrible story, I keep wondering what could be worse than having your bra unsnapped at a dance, or being attacked by condoms as you open your locker. The pace is excellent throughout.

The love story is adorable and fun to read. It is essentially every girl's dream, but re-dressed and modern. I enjoyed it a lot.

The last thing I have to mention is small, but it is my biggest hang-up. There are too many cultural references. I don't mind them, especially since I love Bruce Springsteen and Harold and Maude, but I think it may date your novel. This is clearly publishable material, and I think it could last for many years. However, the fashion, music, celebrity, and media references may date it rather quickly into obscurity.

I wish you the best with this. It was a very enjoyable read and I hope to find time to come back and finish it.

-Katy
The Promenade.

On chapter 1. A good beginning with a real feel for students and their issues that exists yet today in our schools. Easy read, fluent writing. Each section holds the interest of the reader. Will read more.

Great opening with an intriguing hook at the end. I do wonder where the story is going, why Caroline is so mistreated, where the rumors of promiscuity come from, and based on the pitch I anticipate some horrible act--like the ending to Carrie--will befall her.

I would suggest adding a few dialogue tags (he said, she said) during the longer conversations, to make it a little easier to follow.

Overall, great start, well-paced, a lot of information delivered naturally and in a voice appropriate to a YA audience.

See the March Madness thread momentarily for results.