Twisted Truth

Lesa,
A I promised I re read the first three chapters. I'm a massive fan of Jane Green, Patricia Scanlan and Marian Keys, and I honestly feel that this would be as successful as them.
The opening and this is my opinion (I'm no expert) seemed slicker, more polished. It brings Twisted Truth right up there with the contemporary books I read. I loved it, it also immersed me into the plot quicker. I don't think anything was lost in the rewrite, rather the opposite the book gained, it resembles a finished product now. By that I mean something I could pick up in the bookshop.
As a reader I found I still loved Charlotte, I didn't feel I lost any of the feelings I had for her. Zara still came accross as her cheeky sidekick.
Intially I thought that dropping the thirtieth party would make getting to know the characters more difficult, but instead it seemed to make it easier. The book now has a strong pace and flows much better.
I think your rewrite was well worth the effort and if I could I would buy this! I now rate twisted truth even higher than before and will restar.

Jayne

The more I read, the more I love it. The friendship between Charlotte and Zara is completely believable and the charater development is fantastic. Granny had me laughing out loud, literally. I thought the time shifts might be a bit distracting and make it seem a bit disjointed but it is so well written and just enough time is spent in each period that it creates a wonderful rhythm.

Sorry that I cannot give you much in the way of constructive criticism but I am too enamoured!

Only up to chapter 5 at the moment but its going on my bookshelf so that I can finish it off.

Lesa,
I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book at all, didn’t read the pitch, just got stuck in…and I couldn’t put it down. Two things it seems to me make this a page-turner. First, the dialogue that you use so deftly to replace description. Our modern lifestyle is too familiar to waste space noting brands of telephones, interior designs, trips to work. It’s a trap you don’t fall into. The birthday party, for example, leaves a perfectly vivid impression using simple suggestion. I Noticed very few typos, but I was so hooked by the story I probably wouldn’t have done anyway. Just one phrase I thought could be improved at the beginning:
‘I turned around to see our friend, twisting up and down in the middle of the floor…’ You use the word floor three times in that phrase.

The other thing that kept me glued to my laptop was the nostalgia thing. Your descriptions of Charlotte and Mark and their schoolkid adventures probably bring it all back for millions of us. Though for most of us the ghost from the past doesn’t surface years later to reopen old wounds. I’ve read up to chapter 15 in one sitting and I really have to stop. I did wonder about Charlotte still wearing Mark’s pendant. It was a bit of a coincidence her wearing it at the hospital too. However, that is a very minor niggle. This has been a tremendous read so far and one that I intend to finish.
I heartily recommend Twisted Truth to just about anybody. Top stars from me and hope you make it to the desk. I’ll be pleased to back it when you get close. Just nudge me.
Jane

First I have to say, I really like the pitch.
I read four chapters which were all well written except for the odd comma and full stop here and there.
The dialogue at the beginning drew me in. It helped to describe the characters, especially Charlotte, and the close relationship she has with her friend.
I was a bit unsure about the way you went back in time in chapter two - for a whole chapter, and then back again in chapter three, and I wondered how that was going to work. When chapter four came and you continued the past, it all fell in place. I think it really works. I don't know if you continue this all the way throughout the story, but I hope you do.
Great idea for a story. I'd love to read it all the way through but I haven't the time.
A book I would buy.
6 stars.
Ruby Middleton
(Will Ryan)

Originally I was just going to give it a quick little peek before heading off to mundane things around the house but you caught me and it's only the fact that I have no choice that I stopped after ch.2. But I thought I would give you a few comments and high stars before signing off.

The novel opening is very well written and not overloaded with too much backstory, only the necessary amount to provide some intrigue to the reader and get her reading on (which she did). The words flow smoothly and contain just the right amount of description for the genre and give an adequate sense of place. Most critically the dialogue comes across authentically and there is some nice bit of banter between the two friends. I also feel the characterization is solid and we get a sense of each character, especially Charlotte. The relationship that unfolds between Mark and Charlotte is really sweet and typical of the time period (maybe mention a song title or two to solidify the time period).

I only noticed one little nit you might consider and it's really just word repetition. When Charlotte is dancing with Mark he puts his hand on her waist and she putss her hands on his neck and then hands are doing other things. Maybe subsitute arms or other words would avoid that with no problem. High stars Kristin

Lesa;
I read through chapter 8 and really enjoyed your writing style. You set your scenes very well and I liked how you switched back and forth between past and present.
Describing all the political tensions in the country and how affected the youth growing up was brilliant.
Your characters are well developed and likable and your dialogue flows easy.
Highly stared and on my shelf for a while.
Hope you will take a look at my work as well.
Best of luck;
Elke
'Ella In Between'

Hi Lesa

I have read chapters 1-14 and will come back for more of the macho Mark, Zara and Charlotte.

What a fantastic read, I enjoyed your back-stories and the descriptions of the intimate and teenage relationships they were spot on, the dialogue and dialect perfectly articulated. I am a Maeve Binchy, chick flick fan and you are definitely in that league. Your creative instincts and authentic characters create a modern and real take on the younger years.

Bravo, just loved this book... I am not an expert but I believe this is definitely a publishable story, the characters, the stories, the relationships, the dialogue, the landmarks and of course the school and career issues, all relevant and your story flows perfectly.

Maximum stars from me
Good Luck with the rest of its journey

Thanks for taking me back and introducing me to these familiar characters...
FC

Hi Lesa, just read the first four chapters and it's a great read, perfect chic-lit, flows easily with touches of humour. Particularly liked the conversation with her Grandma about coming out of the wardrobe, made me chuckle. I'm intrigued to find out what happens with Mark and why she is so anti boyfriends, so will be back to read more. It's on my watch list.

Stephanie Mortimer - Feathers

Hi Lesa,

I had a moment to read through your first chapter. The dialogue flows smoothly but at times I was confused by who was saying what. I think when there are three people talking, you need to make more mentions of who is saying what.

No other issues in my mind, this is very well written and an easy and enjoyable read. When I have some more time, I will come back and comment on the next chapter!

Ashley - The Vedeine Saga: Deception

Twisted Truth is a brilliant title.

I'm gonna have a read

I initially intended to only read a few chapters but i found myself reading more and more wanting to find out more about Mark. You keep us guessing.

I think the relationship between teenage Mark and Charlotte and the mindset of the two, is convincing and reminds me of the way 'we' would think/see things at that age. I like that you've managed to address a variety of serious/sad/tough issues using Mark's family memebers. Also the insight into the way things were in Northern Ireland that some of us are too young to remember, all the while keeping the overall story 'light'.

An enjoyable read.

Hi Lesa,
I enjoyed reading Twisted Truth - there is a light-hearted, fun feel to the dialogue, particularly between Charlotte and the slightly irritating (this is a good thing) Zara. I like the way you've contrasted Charlotte's practicality with Zara's frivolity - I really got a sense of Charlotte's amused exasperation with her friend.
In the opening paragraph you have some repitition, using 'firm' twice in the same sentence - I know they are in different contexts but it would work better if you re-worded that bit, in my opinion.
Otherwise it read well and I enjoyed it.
Melissa,
Lessons in the Dark

Ooooh Niall is a bit of a hunk!

I checked into to read the standard 3 chapters and just kinda kept going.....

You do a great job setting us up with your two main ladies right off the bat - the flaky romantic and the cynic. I really like the alternating chapters for showing us who they were and who they are now. I also think you've nailed that teenage insecurity/first romance thing. That coupled with your pitch, really makes me want to keep reading!

My only criticism is that chapter one is very dialogue heavy. Your dialogue is great, and shows the kind of in-joke, read-between-the-lines quality of a genuine friendship, but I thought that some if it could be reshuffled into description tallied with what everyone in the room is physically doing, expression etc. It can be a little disorienting reading through lines and lines of speech. Having said that, its your book not mine and it still flows well!

Hi,
Firsty thanks for your review of my work yesterday, much appreciated and perked up my confidence no end.
I've read the first 3 chapters of your book and have added it to my bookshelf so I can go back. Good work! Your dialogue feels natural and the relationship between Charlotte and Zara worked very well. It all felt very polished and I quickly became absorbed in the story.
Sarah x

This is an very enjoyable story. The friendship between Charlotte and Zara is well evoked both in the 2000 sections and back in NI in 1987. Your dialogue is really well done and you convey a lot of information through it without it seeming unnatural.
In the disco scene I lost the sense of the setting. They could have been having that conversation anywhere. I also felt there was an opportunity to show more of Charlotte's character when she went home for Christmas - that section didn't seem quite as developed as the others. I also had a small nit (hope this is okay) with the opening sentence. As Charlotte is the unnamed subject of the sentence, arguably, it reads that she is leaning like the tower of pisa, not the files. I certainly found I had to read it a couple of times.
I hope this doesn't seem overly critical. I read to the end of Chapter 5 and found it flowed well and I wanted to know what happened. That's the main thing!!
Best,
Kate

Read the first 3 chapters. I liked it and have backed your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck!
Sue50

There’s a lot to like here, Lesa. The prose is very smooth and alternates between clear and direct storytelling to move the narrative along and more involved descriptive passages to set the scene/demonstrate Charlotte’s mindset/emotional state etc. I didn’t notice too many typos or formatting errors which made for a very smooth, enjoyable read. Occasionally compound adjectives seem to be missing their hyphens (eg climbing-frame-lined, dream-filled) and some of the punctuation re dialogue may need looking at (eg only separate prose and dialogue with a comma if the prose contains a dialogue tag etc) but otherwise this feels like a very polished piece of work.

The sense of time and place (both in the 1987 and 2000/2001 sections) is subtly but persuasively evoked. Some of the incidental detail is particularly good. I was a trainee solicitor at the end of the nineties and the memories came flooding back (!!) in the opening scenes (although I did my training with a small, high street practice in rural Dorset so the tasks tended to be a little less ‘high powered’ – photocopying, colouring in conveyancing plans, talking to mad old Mrs Doo-dah who comes in every Wednesday for a Green Form chat!!)

The dialogue is particularly good. It feels natural and real and adds tremendous energy to the scenes. I especially like the way you leave much of it freestanding (without dialogue tags) which, again, helps to heighten the feeling of a very fast moving, visual, almost filmic narrative.

I did feel, however, that some of the chapters (particularly the 2000/2001 sections) seemed to rely a bit too much on dialogue. I know this is an odd criticism but, especially in the opening couple of chapters, I rather longed for a fuller exploration of Charlotte’s character. At the moment, although she’s clearly a dynamic, driven, complex character, she doesn't come across as particularly sympathetic. Although I’m sure it’s your intention to portray her as a rather ruthless, career-driven woman, I don’t feel as if I know enough about her to look past these slightly unappealing surface characteristics and empathise with the flesh and blood person within. Maybe think about weaving in a little more character introspection into the early chapters so the reader understands more readily where Charlotte is coming from and can distinguish more clearly between her rather hard, cynical exterior and the deeper, more rounded individual she really is. Just a thought.

Structurally, I’m not sure what to make of ‘Part One’. Apart from chapters eight and nine, the chapters seem to alternate between 1987 and 2000/2001. While I like the idea of weaving Charlotte’s back story into the narrative, this rather rigid format does feel slightly cold and distancing. For me, it would feel much more involving if you set everything in 2000/2001 and simply had Charlotte thinking back to her teenage years. As well as creating a more seamless narrative flow, such a construct would, for me, allow you to subtly flesh out Charlotte’s character, making her more appealing to the reader.

I don’t read a lot of chick-lit or romance so I’m probably not best placed to comment but, in terms of plot, the novel feels very well thought out and multi-layered and, with its blend of drama, pathos, intrigue etc, feels like it should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

Highly starred and on my watchlist for further reading. Thanks and best of luck. P

Hi Lesa,
It’s taken me a while to work out what I wanted to say about this, because I thought there were many, many good things about it but also something missing. I liked your MC a lot. She comes across as capable, intelligent and humorous – a real modern woman and someone with whom many readers would identify. What I didn’t find out was how she really felt about her life. For instance, in your opening paragraphs I’d have liked a hint as to whether she’s tired and overburdened or relishing the challenge of her job. Is Carl a bit of a shirker or does she enjoy putting one over on him? If everything is rosy in her life (and even if she’s in denial we need to see that) then there’s no reason for it to change as the story goes on. That said, I loved the contrasting characters of the two friends and there’s some great dialogue between them. The teenage chapters add depth too.
Best wishes,
Lucy

Lesa,
A I promised I re read the first three chapters. I'm a massive fan of Jane Green, Patricia Scanlan and Marian Keys, and I honestly feel that this would be as successful as them.
The opening and this is my opinion (I'm no expert) seemed slicker, more polished. It brings Twisted Truth right up there with the contemporary books I read. I loved it, it also immersed me into the plot quicker. I don't think anything was lost in the rewrite, rather the opposite the book gained, it resembles a finished product now. By that I mean something I could pick up in the bookshop.
As a reader I found I still loved Charlotte, I didn't feel I lost any of the feelings I had for her. Zara still came accross as her cheeky sidekick.
Intially I thought that dropping the thirtieth party would make getting to know the characters more difficult, but instead it seemed to make it easier. The book now has a strong pace and flows much better.
I think your rewrite was well worth the effort and if I could I would buy this! I now rate twisted truth even higher than before and will restar.

Jayne

I reread the first couple of chapters and although you get us into the story quicker, it's still a lot of exposition.

That’s not to say you should keep cutting scenes out until you start the story in the middle of some calamitous event. Introductory scenes are important so we get a sense of who we’re dealing with.

Take her assigning work to her colleague. You use a lot of office-speak, but that isn’t very interesting and doesn’t tell us very much. Why is she giving him all this work? What happens if it doesn’t get done? What’s at stake? Those are the sorts of things that will bring it to life. But there’s no point just stating these things.

Say she tells the guy, Do all this work over the weekend. And he says, But it’s my sister’s wedding tomorrow. How would she respond? That's how we learn the kind of person she is (a softie, a hard case, etc.). Because that’s the real reason for any scene, to show us who the characters are through their actions.

Or take the phone call. She says where have you been and then we go into the stuff about holidaying with Toby. But why has she been trying to get hold of her for a week? If it’s just to say hello, that is neither interesting nor revealing. Give her a specific reason for trying to get hold of Zara, and then you have something to talk about, rather than a ‘where I went on holiday’ speech from her mate.

It feels like you have a strong idea of what you want to achieve with each scene/chapter, but it also feels a bit perfunctory at times, like you're rushing to achieve your goal as quickly and efficiently as possible. The emphasis on dialogue adds to that, I think. It does make it a very fast and pacy read, but it also makes it harder to feel engaged in this world, like skimming over the surface.

Not that you can't have a novel heavily reliant on dialgoue, there are certainly plenty of successful examples of that, but this one felt almost like a screenplay at times and I often wasn't sure of where I was or what the geography was (who was where). Zara says she's brought her a dress to wear but we never see it, don't know if she changed into it. Names are thrown at us, then disappear. It's a bit disorienting.

I also noticed that the narrative (at least in the first few chapters) was very flat. By this I mean there's no conflict. Not just fights and arguments, I mean any kind of obstruction/solution type of dynamic. So what you end up is a description of action. We see what people are doing and saying, but it doesn't have a dramatic arc. If John is hungry and goes to the shop and buys an apple and eats it, and is no longer hungry, that isn't a story, even though it might be written very entertainingly. It's just a bunch of stuff that someone did. You need something acting as an opposing force to create dramatic tension.

You're opening chapter tells me very clearly what's happening, but it reads like exposition, reporting events. A lot of the dialogue is filling me in on what happend before, what's going to happen later. When her boss stops by he gives her a gift and information on Eva. He'll tell her about it tomorrow. Next time we see her in the office is two weeks later. So while that conversation felt realistic and introduced her boss, it didn't seem to have any relevance.

The same with the flashback to school. You paint a very clear picture of Mark's arrival, but there's no conflict, no drama, just an indication he was handsome with nice hair. it's the sort of thing that could be quite arresting on screen, but here it's a short scene of hellos and how are yous. You indicate that Ben's the class clown, why not show us that in his behaviour? The point is to introduce Mark, but more could be going on in class than just that.

The writing is generally good although there are quite a lot of punctuation issues, commas and full stops that are missing or misplaced. It's minor thing but makes some of the longer sentences hard to read first time.

The dialogue is bright and breezy, but a lot of it is chit-chat that while it lends the piece a natural sounding voice, does give it a slight meandering feel. You're introducing us to these characters and this is what they're like, but I think you can do that and have them be engaged in entertaining events at the same time.

When she goes to zara and toby's for dinner you tell us she sees they're genuinely close, and then you have her leave. Show us them interacting, let us see it for ourselves. That constant telling us second hand gives the impression you don't feel confident showing the scene, you'd rather just tell us what conclusion to draw. I'm not saying that's the case here, just that that's impression it gives if you don't take time to show these things in a visual way, through what people do and how they act, and show what choices they make as they make them.

I think you have the point of each scene down fine - in this scene she sees Zara and Toby are in love - but then you have to realise that scene, find a way to impress that idea on the reader. You can't just have her think: I could see by the way they looked at each other that they were really in love. i don't think that makes enough of an impression.

Let me know if you have any questions.

regards,
mood

RCP Critique: private communication with author.

There are the usual punctuation challenges.
Primary fault: far too much dialog, too little conflict. There's no segue into chapter 2 and it isn't until that chapter that we find out the speaker's name.
On the watch list for now.

I've read through chapter 4, and I love it so far! The romance with Mark is so great. I can totally feel the chemistry between them. I like the back and forth between Charlotte as an adult in London and Charlotte as a teenager in Northern Ireland; seeing the stories side by side gives more weight to both. For a little constructive criticism, I think the dialogue scenes could benefit with some descriptors of signficant body movements and a peppering Charlotte's interpretations. Also, I think it might just be a formatting issue, but the double line breaks make it look as if there are more scenes in each chapter than would be necessary. For instance, in chapter 4, there could just be about two double line breaks, before Zara leaves her and she sits on the bench with Mark, and before she and Mark head to the dance floor. Anyway, that's just little stuff. The story, characters, and writing is great!

Hi Lesa,
Your book put me in the scene and introduced me to the characters and situation very well. It made me remember turning thirty, and that was a long time ago. I've given it a high rating and will add it to my watch list.
I hope you can get over to read Stopped Cold and that you'll want to support it.

A very cinematic first chapter. A consistent use of jump cuts, though maybe some more visual descriptors wouldn’t go amiss. Also, whilst pacey and cinematic, I did start to wonder if the jump cuts made for a lightly jerky opening written chapter. The chapter ends on a nice hook and has me reading on.

A jump back in time to chapter two works and there is some clear visual description of Mark.

A jump forward in time for Chapter three adds to the slightly jerky feeling I had in chapter one, I was also left wanting more of Northern Ireland before coming back to the present. This is also exacerbated by the leap from the party to two weeks forward after only a very short while.

I liked the cheeky cross reference to Bridget Jones' Diary.

All in all, based on what I have read, a light and page-turning read with some good characterization and dialogue. It seems well suited to its target audience.

J.S.Watts
Witchlight

Great Synopsis! Great dialogue! Great Character development! I will definately be back to read more.

The first chapter sets up the friendships in the way that I’d expect a chick-lit novel to, and you do that in an economic way, mainly through dialogue. It brought back memories of living the single life in London.

But for this reader, what makes your book stand out amongst many of the offerings on this site is the opportunity it presents to see what it might have been like to be a teenager growing up in Northern Ireland. You do that in Chapter 10 when you describe the everyday inconveniences of living in the Belfast of the mid 80s– the bag searches, soldiers on the streets and even schools needing to be evacuated because of bomb scares.

I wonder if you could set this up a little earlier? For example, in the earlier N.I. chapters could you drop some little hints about where the town might be, whether on the coast or inland and perhaps add a little more local idiom? It would just help to enhance the sense of place in this well-written story. I really liked Granny in Chapter 5 – she really did bring some local colour to your story.

I hope to come back and read more.
Alison (Lambert Nagle)
Revolution Earth

Lesa, I completed the entire book. It grabbed me straight away and took me back into my teenage years. There are a few spelling errors here and there that can be easily fixed.

I wasn't so sure about "Marks" explanation of his departure for 12 years, I think you may need to spice that up a bit and make it a maybe more dramatic, it just didn't seem enough of a reason to have lost contact. Just a thought on my part. The ending was quite abrupt and I was wanting for more.

You've got an excellent book here, I think with a touch up of a few areas it will be well received and enjoyed by all readers. I do wish you all the best. Salwa.

Gee, I thought Charlotte and Mark would never get down to business!!! (Stopped at Chap 12). Am having fun reading Twisted Truth. Just a couple of things I came across:
Chap 9: the same two lines twice in a row (I don't think you've done that on purpose...)
Chap 11: there are two "we" in a row in one of your sentences, I think it's "Once we (we) found Zara". Also "somehow" is all one word, right?
Your writing style is pleasant, easy to read, real.
Oh and blue Peugeot 205... Aaaaaaaah... My very first car :)
Will keep on reading.

Hi Lesa, I'm here returning a read. I've read through Chapter 5.

I really like the alternating chapters between 2000 and 1987. The '87 chapters really give us a good picture about who Charlotte was before she became jaded toward men. Her friendship with Zara is very believable. The dialogue is strong throughout. Charlotte's grandmother is very funny and jumps off the page with her unique voice.

One thing I'd like to see a little more of is description. Not to bog it down, but enough to give us a sense of place, and also a little better sense of the characters. In the dinner scene with Charlotte, Zara, and Zara's new beau, you let Charlotte tell how Zara reacts her boyfriend rather than showing through the dialogue at the dinner table or the couple's body language, etc.

In the first chapter, it is mostly dialogue, and the few paragraphs that are not dialogue are kind of an info dump about Charlotte and Zara, how good of friends they are and what their occupations are, etc. My suggestion would be to weave that information throughout the story, give us what we need as we need it to see the relationship between Charlotte and Zara. If Zara is in fashion, she probably would wear something extravagant of her own design to a party. Can you show that through maybe a quick description of her clothing followed by Charlotte asking if it is one of her new creations, if it is part of her fall line or something of that sort?Just brainstorming here and throwing out ideas, they are just suggestions.

Though your description is sparse, you do a good job with giving each character a distinct voice through their dialogue. I really don't have any other suggestions until I read a little further. Hopefully this is helpful.

I only intended to read a couple of chapters but I read up to Chapter 4. I like your style of writing. It is easy to read and the dialogue flows very well. I like the way you have given Charlotte an interesting career as a partner in a law firm which gives her more depth as a character. I would love to learn a bit more about that side of things but maybe that comes later in the book. The relationship between Charlotte and Zara is obviously very close and I got the impression that they are the kind of friends who would do anything to protect each other. This is such a good angle for when someone comes along and tries to break up that bond. The time switches are excellent and provide good background information on how the girls tick and introduces Mark in a subtle way ready for when he makes an appearance later on. I really can't fault what I have read. Well done and six stars.

Kim (Pain)

Well I sat down tonight and gave this a good attempt, I got to chapter 3 and I really, really enjoyed it. Being from NI I felt I could relate to the parts in the past and I loved how you linked 1987 with the present. That worked really well and shows your skill. It reminded me of a book I had read by Louise Bagshaw, as like you she achieved a past present mix that worked perfectly.
The 'norn iron' dialect was excellent, it accurately portrayed the accents but wasn't an embarrassement to the people of Northen Ireland! So many books make us sound ridiculous.
I also felt I could relate to the character of Charlotte and I like that in a book. Zara was lovely too, but I loved Charlotte! I feel that to really grasp a book you need to feel a connection with a character. I turned 30 a few years ago and hated the party thing!! I'm also dabbling with the idea of a Law conversion, though I doubt my career will be as successful as her.
I would have liked to have had a little more of the 30th party, but that's just me.That said the party gave me a good chance to meet the characters, so I guess it achieved what you needed it to.
I thought the granny was hilarious she made me chuckle (not easily done) and the romance or it's beginnings were beautiful, natural and realistic.
I just wish this was a book (as I'm sure you do) as I could only print out a few chapters. I would buy this as would many of my friends. Based on what I have read I think you have written an excellent book and for me is up there with some of my fav. authors. I intend to top up my ink so I can read the rest asap!
It's nice to find a book that pulls you in and you have achieved this well done.
I will add this book to my shelf very soon and route for it all the way. Well done x

Well I sat down tonight and gave this a good attempt, I got to chapter 3 and I really, really enjoyed it. Being from NI I felt I could relate to the parts in the past and I loved how you linked 1987 with the present. That worked really well and shows your skill. It reminded me of a book I had read by Louise Bagshaw, as like you she achieved a past present mix that worked perfectly.
The 'norn iron' dialect was excellent, it accurately portrayed the accents but wasn't an embarrassement to the people of Northen Ireland! So many books make us sound ridiculous.
I also felt I could relate to the character of Charlotte and I like that in a book. Zara was lovely too, but I loved Charlotte! I feel that to really grasp a book you need to feel a connection with a character. I turned 30 a few years ago and hated the party thing!! I'm also dabbling with the idea of a Law conversion, though I doubt my career will be as successful as her.
I would have liked to have had a little more of the 30th party, but that's just me.That said the party gave me a good chance to meet the characters, so I guess it achieved what you needed it to.
I thought the granny was hilarious she made me chuckle (not easily done) and the romance or it's beginnings were beautiful, natural and realistic.
I just wish this was a book (as I'm sure you do) as I could only print out a few chapters. I would buy this as would many of my friends. Based on what I have read I think you have written an excellent book and for me is up there with some of my fav. authors. I intend to top up my ink so I can read the rest asap!
It's nice to find a book that pulls you in and you have achieved this well done.
I will add this book to my shelf very soon and route for it all the way. Well done x

Hi Lesa

I think your book has a good, strong approach, and it is interesting to read. The dialogue is down-to-earth. In this sense, with the topics of conversation and certain characters we can all relate to, it is easy to connect and read on.

All the best

lee

Lesa,

Very well written! Thank you for the enjoyable Sunday spent reading it.

Madison A.

I enjoy most of all the going back in time and coming to the present. Zara and Charlotte are very good friends and I envy them. A beatiful story to begin with. The time shifts are eautiful, you get to understand how things started in a kind of twist.
Josphine
Notime goes bye

HI
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the first three chapters of this. You have a very easy to read style which is perfect for Chick Lit/Romance. I like the way you go back to the past and gave us a bit of history in an interesting and lively way. Your main characters are totally believable and engaging and I am looking forward to reading more! This would make a great holiday read. Highly rated and a place on my WL.
All the best.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

You have quite a talent for bringing the characters alive through dialogue. Great Chapters endings draw the reader along to the next one. Well Done.

Hi,

I've read the first three chapters of this, and though I'm not a chick lit reader, I'd say it works pretty well. You get straight into the action, which is immediately engaging, and I really like the fact that you use lots and lots of dialogue - this involves the reader straight away. I like the end of the first chapter, though the second chapter peters out a little.

I'd say that it might benefit from a little bit of line-editing by a fresh pair of eyes: there are a few minor grammatical errors creeping in (mostly to do with punctuation, and not too many in the first chapter, but increasing after that) and also a few bits where the words don't fit together (Kate's ass hitting the floor with a [firm] bump - get rid of the word 'firm'! It doesn't fit, and it's superfluous!) or you've repeated an idea (like the business of October being a busy time for Zara in chapter 3, repeated four times in one paragraph).

But I'd say this shows plenty of promise.

Julia
Time Was Away

Nice first chapter. The pace was good, flowing quick and driven by dialogue. I do think some of the dialogue could be tweaked to add a little more originality, but overall this was a strong opening, with a great pace that moves the story along.

Although this is not normally my type of read I am rather enjoying it. I haven't read much yet, but I am going to sit down and read the rest of it soon. The relationships are very believable, as is the plot. There's a few grammar and punctuation mistakes (but that can be fixed by a quick editing run through). But. I really like it so far; you are very talented.

Ok, I've reached chapter 5 and enjoyed the journey. Just a couple of observations, Charlotte and Zara are the very best of friends as close as sisters. I felt that Zara would have told Charlotte she was being whisked off to Mauritius (I felt that was unnecessarily rushed).

Secondly, the conversation with Philip re work, didn't go anywhere although (unless it was me) you appeared to give it importance, or perhaps they come back to it later in the book; Eva getting dismissed and the case Charlotte and her team is working on?

Will definitely continue tomorrow. Susan

Lesa,
I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book at all, didn’t read the pitch, just got stuck in…and I couldn’t put it down. Two things it seems to me make this a page-turner. First, the dialogue that you use so deftly to replace description. Our modern lifestyle is too familiar to waste space noting brands of telephones, interior designs, trips to work. It’s a trap you don’t fall into. The birthday party, for example, leaves a perfectly vivid impression using simple suggestion. I Noticed very few typos, but I was so hooked by the story I probably wouldn’t have done anyway. Just one phrase I thought could be improved at the beginning:
‘I turned around to see our friend, twisting up and down in the middle of the floor…’ You use the word floor three times in that phrase.

The other thing that kept me glued to my laptop was the nostalgia thing. Your descriptions of Charlotte and Mark and their schoolkid adventures probably bring it all back for millions of us. Though for most of us the ghost from the past doesn’t surface years later to reopen old wounds. I’ve read up to chapter 15 in one sitting and I really have to stop. I did wonder about Charlotte still wearing Mark’s pendant. It was a bit of a coincidence her wearing it at the hospital too. However, that is a very minor niggle. This has been a tremendous read so far and one that I intend to finish.
I heartily recommend Twisted Truth to just about anybody. Top stars from me and hope you make it to the desk. I’ll be pleased to back it when you get close. Just nudge me.
Jane

The more I read, the more I love it. The friendship between Charlotte and Zara is completely believable and the charater development is fantastic. Granny had me laughing out loud, literally. I thought the time shifts might be a bit distracting and make it seem a bit disjointed but it is so well written and just enough time is spent in each period that it creates a wonderful rhythm.

Sorry that I cannot give you much in the way of constructive criticism but I am too enamoured!

Only up to chapter 5 at the moment but its going on my bookshelf so that I can finish it off.

I read the first couple of chapters (written in first person) and I was hooked. The writing flows smoothly and i love the line a smile that came from every nerve cell...
Well done. Hope to get back to it for more reading!
Regards, Red
Illusions of Comfort

First I have to say, I really like the pitch.
I read four chapters which were all well written except for the odd comma and full stop here and there.
The dialogue at the beginning drew me in. It helped to describe the characters, especially Charlotte, and the close relationship she has with her friend.
I was a bit unsure about the way you went back in time in chapter two - for a whole chapter, and then back again in chapter three, and I wondered how that was going to work. When chapter four came and you continued the past, it all fell in place. I think it really works. I don't know if you continue this all the way throughout the story, but I hope you do.
Great idea for a story. I'd love to read it all the way through but I haven't the time.
A book I would buy.
6 stars.
Ruby Middleton
(Will Ryan)

Hi Lesa,
I have already warned you of my lack of knowledge for chick-lit. Please feel free to ignore everything I say. I can only tell you the things I did enjoy when I read a few and try to point out some things that I think would make the book stronger (IMO)
Here goes...

First of all, I think you need a stronger opening. As it stands, it’s a bit wordy. ***I uttered in horror, my eyes closing, my hands spread over my mouth***
Might be a good idea to start with some of the usual inner monologue. Just when I thought the day couldn’t possibly get any worse... sort of stuff.
Although this is set in N.Ireland I’m not quite feeling it.
NI has a strong dialect and I think it would do you the world of good to use some mild colloquialisms. I’m finding it hard to differentiate between the characters, Zara and Charlotte... BTW I’m not keen on the names, not for an Irish setting, they sound a bit posh to me. Good strong characters that have their own way of behaving and chatting will be the only things that’ll make me read a chick-lit book. Another plus point about a good chick-lit for me is the nicknaming of people and things and how they kind of take the piss out of everyone.
I’m not suggesting you start typing with an accent, just use some sayings here and there within the dialogue to give us a sense of place.
Away in the Head...
Eejit
Fecking
So I do / so it is
Shite
Friggin
Seven Shades of Shite
Just a few words off the top of my head that bring characters to life.
Hope I’m not being too harsh. I like the narrative, just think you could breathe some life into the characters through dialogue.
Best wishes
Sue

RCG Review for 'Twisted Truth'

Hi Lesa, I know I commented on Twisted Truth a while ago but this is my RCG review.

Pitch: Short pitch is good and gives just enough information to make me want to read more. Long pitch read slightly awkwardly at the end 'neither woman could predict who the pregnancy would bring back into their lives'. Maybe neither woman could have predicted that the pregancy would bring back the one person......... and test their friendship to the limit

Plot: Great plot and I love the juxtaposition between 1987 and 2001. It's not easy to do and you've done it very well. I felt that the 1987 story was stronger than the 2001 at the beginning but that evened out by about Chapter 10. I didn't get much sense of place though, maybe a little bit more description of where the action is taking place but this is just a personal opinion

Pace: Good, really comes into it's own around chapter 13/14 when we learn that his family has upped and left with no explanation then they run into him again at the hospital. That's when the story really gripped me. Where had they gone? What had happened? Lots of questions to keep me reading.

Spelling/Grammar: I didn't notice any typos but did feel that the writing was lacking in punctuation in places. I felt that it needed more commas to break up the sentences or maybe some sentences shortened. I know it's 1st person POV but there are some paragraphs where nearly ever sentence begins with 'I' eg Chapter 16, the para beginning 'I must have slept well because I didn't hear the alarm going off. I got to the office late... I spent most of the day....I had to work late.... how about something like
'I must have slept well because the following morning I didn't hear my alarm go off (I don't think you need to say 'and overslept' because that's obvious. Arriving at the office late, I had a long list of messages from clients colleagues and spent the day on the phone playing catch up....'

Dialogue: I thought the dialogue was authentic and flowed well. There were a couple of places where you said 'I will...' when I'll would read better but that's such a tiny thing it's barely worth mentioning.

Voice/style: Your style is perfect for this genre of novel. It's very easy to read and engaging. You handle Charlotte's sexual awakening well and I get a real sense of the teenage angst involved in their budding relationship. Takes me right back! Adult Charlotte comes across as self-assured and happy in her skin but then the cracks show when Mark comes back into her life. Very well written.

Characterisation: Very good, I get a great sense of each of the main characters. Charlotte's voice is strong and carries the story really well.

Overall, I think you've got a great story, very commercial and I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

I really like the tone here, and the friendship is so real and appealing--it's lovely to be a fly on the wall around these two. Great dialogue too! I love the line, "stop trying to pair everyone up, you're not Noah..." The second chapter brought me right back to middle school and the sweet moments when pre-teen love blooms. I liked the opening line of chapter 3, let's stay in the present--perfect segway. I don't typically read chick lit, but I will come back for more. The short chapters flow really well, and make it an easy and teasing read. Cheers! Highly starred, thus far...
Caitlin Avery, Lightning in my Wires

I really like the tone here, and the friendship is so real and appealing--it's lovely to be a fly on the wall around these two. Great dialogue too! I love the line, "stop trying to pair everyone up, you're not Noah..." The second chapter brought me right back to middle school and the sweet moments when pre-teen love blooms. I liked the opening line of chapter 3, let's stay in the present--perfect segway. I don't typically read chick lit, but I will come back for more. The short chapters flow really well, and make it an easy and teasing read. Cheers! Highly starred, thus far...
Caitlin Avery, Lightning in my Wires

Hi Lesa

I'e only read the first chapter but thought I would leave some feedback. I enjoyed the dialogue between the MC and other characters - very believable and a few good lines in there too - 'Stop trying to pair the world up...' for example. I felt the dialogue could have been broken up with more narrative though - the first half of chapter 1 is all dialogue and then you go into the back story in the second half. I imagine you have already thought about this though and as iv'e only read one chapter I might not be seeing it in context. Anyway, what i've read so far is great and judging from the comments below it's a good read throughout (wish I had more time to read!)
Best of luck with this. Backed for now.

David

RCG Review

Hi Lesa,

I was planning to read your first few chapters and comment, but I once I started I couldn't stop! I am up to chapter 19 and the Twisted Truth is now responsible for tea being very late and my ironing pile being woefully neglected!


Pitch

I loved your short pitch – great hook and definitely made me want to find out more. Your long pitch was also very good, giving away enough detail to make me want to read on but not enough to spoil the story. My only slight niggle would be punctuation; I felt that some of the sentences would have benefited from more of it. As an example, in the line 'over a decade later Charlotte is a successful litigator living and working in London', I personally would have liked there to be a comma after the word 'later'.


Plot

So far, excellent. I love it and wouldn't change a thing. I may be a little biased as the whole 'one that got away' coming back into your life years later is pretty much my favourite story line of all time, so this really appealed to me!


Pace

Again, excellent. I love the opening – straight into the action with just enough back story to make me care about the main characters and want to read on, but not bogged down with it. The early chapters flicking between 1987 / 2001 worked really well; I kept wanting to know more about Charlie and Mark's early relationship, and waiting to see how it went wrong kept me reading – as did the promise of them meeting again!


Spelling / grammar

OK, these are my only two niggles with the whole thing. 1) Punctuation. I would apply my comments above about the pitch to the whole manuscript. I am far from a punctuation expert, so please feel free to ignore, but as I reader I wanted the sentences broken up far more – either by commas, semi-colons etc, or by just using shorter sentences. 2) Some of the sentences have too many words in them that I didn't feel necessary and interrupted the flow slightly; as an example, the line 'I was in the middle of making notes on a witness statement when I heard my mobile ring'. Personally, I think this would scan better by saying 'when my mobile rang'. The 'heard' is implied anyway, therefore the word is not needed. Again, personal opinion, but this could also apply to the majority of lines that have the words heard, saw, knew, very or had in them.


Dialogue

Excellent. I love the way you use dialogue throughout. You use it to show the reader what is happening rather than tell, all your characters sound natural and their individual characters are very apparent – I know who is talking from what they are saying without needing to be told, which is about as good as it gets!


Voice / style

Your style is incredibly easy to read and Charlotte's voice is very strong. I instantly engaged with her and cared about what happened to her.

Characterization

As per my comments about dialogue, your three main characters in particular are very strong. They are all well developed, I want to know and care about what happens to all of them and I can see a mental image of them all in my head as I read – always the mark of a well developed character in my opinion!

Overall, I think the Twisted Truth is absolutely excellent. I understand your chick-lit classification, but I think this is smarter than the connotations the genre sometimes implies. 6 stars from me and very happy to put this on my shelf – I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Best of luck with it.

Oktober.

TWISTED TRUTH
This is an interesting story. I like the way you begin this with a surprise birthday party: a clever way to introduce your main character and give a lot of details about her: her age, what kind of friends she has, where she works . . . I liked Charlette from the beginning: she’s vivacious and friendly yet responsible about work. I think you’ll find a wide audience for this; a lot of people know someone like Charlette (or are like her) so will want to follow her adventures. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Because of this book i now know something called a 'school disco' existed. And I'm scared.

other then that great read! Starred.

Wow. Great read.
The first few chapters were initially kind of jarring flipping back and forth from past to present. But then I settled into the rhythm and became very wrapped up in the developing romance of Mark and Charlie. Actually, I couldn't stop reading. Who hasn't had that high school sweetheart that you never truly gotten over? Anyone can relate to these characters on one level or another. I really enjoyed this.

Eden Ashley-THE SIREN'S HEART