Book Jacket

 

rank 4681
word count 12367
date submitted 26.08.2011
date updated 05.09.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Historic...
classification: universal
incomplete

Mystics

Elizabeth Grace

Set in the familiar world of Arabian Nights, Mystics will transport you to the exotic yet violent land of Persia and reveal its magical underground.

 

With the threat of the ever expanding empire of Alexander the Great and a new Persian King on the throne, the Persian empire is in a time of transition and fear. The old Persia, a place where mystics were once revered for their magical powers, has now become intolerant of anyone possessing unnatural abilities. It’s a difficult era to be a mystic, or a person with some type of inexplicable power. Some can move objects with their mind, others can create fire out of nothing and still others have the ability to grant wishes. Mystics were once a commonplace in Persia where they were often seen performing on street corners for coins. That is, until King Shahryar takes the Persian throne. With his new reign of power comes a new religion that requires all Persians be devoted to the deity Ahura Mazda. The Persian king believes that magic and supernatural powers come from Ahiram, the evil arch rival of Ahura Mazda, and declares all persons must renounce their devotion to Ahiram and become followers of Ahura Mazda or be executed.

 
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tags

arabian, king, love, magic, nights, powers, romance

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5 comments

 

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Elvis McPherson wrote 267 days ago

The short pitch got me interested, the long one made me want to read the book, so I'd say you got it right on both counts there. I like the ideas in the first chapter (it's a short one though, maybe rename it as a prologue) the only small thing that bothered me was the last paragraph, particularly the first two sentences. Maybe a bit of re-wording? I like the idea of a death as neither the end or the beginning though. Other than that, a great story that adds to a set of great stories! Best of luck with it. E McP.

Nightdream wrote 269 days ago

Chapter 3

When Sinbad tells Sheri (Sherizad) he loved her and for ten years I don't think it was that dramatic because you talked about it earlier. Take out the stuff you say "Sheri has been his secret love for ten years . .." We know they love each other. I picked it up the first time Sinbad helped her down to the boats. Remember the reader can easily pick up on things. By you saying it twice just makes they say "I know already." However, that was a great moment in the story.

Why I want to read on? Because I want to know what happens to Sheri and Sinbad.

Chapter 4

I think you must trim the description down here. It's just a little too much. I still think the secondchapter is the best. Which it should be to some degree. :/

Nightdream wrote 269 days ago

Chapter 1

Kind of reminds me of the movie Final Destination. I'm curious where this will go. By the end of this chapter I was really intrigued by what the story is going to be about. P.S. I don't read summaries/long pitches. It takes away from the experience.

Every paragraph is needed and is well written.

Chapter 2

After the first chapter, I knew you have descriptive talent. I love when I can really see what your character is seeing.

"Sinbad grabbed Sherizad's hand . . ." I always find it funny how a simple gesture can make you like a character more. I now like the character of Sinbad.

"It's your lucky day then . . ." I laughed at that one. Great humor can go a long way. It can make a reader read even through bad writing or a boring story (but yours is not).

Wow. great first two chapters. You definitely have a published author's talent. You know how to make likeable characters and set a scene quite nicely. It's because of Sinbad and Sherizad that I want to continue reading. Usually a story must have a strong hook, strong characters, or a driving story for me to want to read more. Those two are the driving force.

One thing I would say for you to take a look at is point of views between the two. Depending on where you want to go with them, you must choose one point of view or the other. Both characters are great so whatever you choose doesn't matter to me. But I don't like to have a narration that tells what both of them are thinking. I like to figure it out by myself. It's funner and makes me become the characters. You don't have to change it though. Just a thought.

Jesse Powell wrote 270 days ago

Sinbad can't work in a factory. It's too much of a blivot (everyone knows they didn't exist until after Da Vinci). Get rid of overtime too. Standardized shifts didn't come into play until organized labor. Just as I was thinking "vizier, will she use it?" you used the word. Excellent. "...rocky de(s)cent..." Change fried meats to spitted meats. Fried used twice in adjoining sentence. "...buy one get on(e) for..." Genie's Lamps? We know what is going to happen. If you like it, keep it. To me it hits me like a bright green sign the has a word on it rhyming with tame. "Sinbad blushed."-admired/admiring echoed. Okay, the time-shift and it being a dream ditches the audience hard. Can we be then on that day, have a page break and then start with him waking years later? No dream? Without some description I feel this mountain appears out of nowhere. Maybe I missed a brief city descriptor sense it is a plot piece. I know where you're going with this and I really do like it. You are a great writer, that is why I nitpick. Wouldn't it be cooler if she merely admired him, but it was tarnished with pity. That would really raise the stakes, yes? She would still be devastated because he is withdrawing or running from her. Oh, I am so glad the prologue is brief and gives nothing away. 1001 nights is all about slowly unfolding one thing at a time, never too much at once. Excellent writing/excellent rating!

Froggie Turtle wrote 270 days ago

Damn girl, you're hot. That's the main reason I checked your book out. It's all interesting, you know, your book and those glasses.

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