The Unholy Ghostwriter

Hello Rob,

Tinged with sadness here, as this will be my last such missive:

Ch65: Some slight repetition here (it's the only thing I can get you on, I haven't even seen a single typo in this manuscript) but, again, nothing worth putting you in the stocks over:

"...feeding me a healthy Mediterranean cuisine that would make any heart-healthy dietician beam"

A well-handled sea change in this chapter - starting on a breezy travelogue style note and ending with something much darker.

Ch66: The insights into Paul's career trajectory as a teacher are most insightful: speaking of large themes in his life and psyche that lead up to his quasi-rebirth in Italy. The dream at the end of the chapter is particularly telling. looks like Paul's heading home...

Ch67: "If I catch you, I chew you up!". I loved this line, both the greater significance and the relish with which Stefania delivered it. i wouldn't mind being chewed up by Stefania, what a sweet fate that would be. Seems like she might be on the market soon too, the way this chapter pans out.

Ch68: I thought for a second I'd found a typo here, until I looked up the word "grueling" and found the spelling was in fact correct.
It's a strength of your investiture in creating characters a reader can care about when I feel sad that Paul and Stefania have split up, even in spite of my impure intentions towards her in chapter 67.

Robert Riley....hmm. With the details of the film discussed it's all getting a bit intriguingly postmodern now. For some reason I'm reminded of "Synechdoche, New York".

A touching end to this chapter.

Ch69: I very much enjoyed the "la ronde" notion of this chapter as Paul stops off for a burger on his way home, just like he did in the opening chapters when he was first setting out. It's a skilfully rendered technique that, to my mind, makes the transition more tolerable. Because I really didn't want Paul to go home, certainly not alone. At least he's got McDonalds (and the notion of home comforts it evokes to the reader) though, that's something.

Ch70: I really liked this chapter: the fascinating notion of Paul watching his own life play out on screen like an out of body experience.

Ch71: I felt that the movie review was a bit too all-encompassing, but maybe that's because I usually only read them in tabloids! After a while I did that willing suspension of disbelief thing and settled into it, thought it was quite a nifty narrative device once I'd done that. In fact, I even clicked on the underlined actor's names to see if they'd lead to a link!


Ch72: As sad as the news of Decios death was, I accepted it benignly, just as I knew he had. It instilled a feeling of everything settling into its rightful place finally, which was reiterated by....

Okay, regarding the ending. Maybe Stefania turning up with a heart in her hand isn't the most subtle allusion. Maybe I would have preferred it if their reconciliation had been a little more tentative, rather than her wanting to move straight into Pauls house. But, ultimately, both of those points are moot: because I fell headlong into the end of this story. It thrilled and delighted me. And made all the hairs stand up on the back of my arm.

Really well done with this, Rob. When I first started reading I found the pace a tad stately (I'd still argue that the first ten or so chapters could be whittled down somewhat) but I soon became engrossed through the strength of the writing, characterization and plot. If anything, I'd say its a book that would pay dividends to a reader returning for the second time, to pick up on all the subtle harbingers contained in the flashbacks, and uncover all the little hooks and traps you lay in the plot.

It's an excellent book. I wish you every success with it. It's been a privilege to read it and a joy get to know you better in the process.

Dave

Hi Rob,
I've enjoyed reading the first dozen chapters. I like your style, very breezy and accessible. It feels like letters home from a friend on a good adventure. Very promising! Good luck with this!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Hello Rob,

It's time for your check-up:

Ch54: Off to a bad start (me, not you), because I got a bit caught up in this chapter and forgot to make notes. Enthralling plot developments here. The meeting with the father actually feels anti-climactic but, in a way, that's the point. A lovely authorial touch to have the Perry Como track serve as a trigger for Paul's realization.

Ch55: The only bit I was unsure about here was Angelos recap of events in the previous chapter. Though his words were entirely in character it felt like over-exposition, rendering explicit all the muted themes in 54.

Ch56: The incident with the witch is appropriately spooky. Given the harbingers permeating the text I am fearful.

Ch57: Some startling plot machinations here. I applaud your grasp on character throughout: the way Paul thanks the lady who shaves his crotch and the way Stefania gets maybe a teensy bit jealous over it. I loved the way Paul found himself laughing at his predicament at the end of the chapter. That felt odd and true.

Ch58: Same as above regarding the characterization: how Angelo views Paul's experience as raw footage. Pauls musing over Angelo casting the doctor was funny.

Ch59: A very well handled chapter. The matter-of-fact details of the post-op recovery lure the reader into the dream ending unsuspectingly. I was a bit scared.

Ch60: Five stars for the chapter title alone, although I have no idea what it means! This is a well written and illuminating chapter. I was wondering why Paul, a man who previously got nervous even talking to attractive women, was displaying such a benign acceptance of his fate. Now I need wonder no more. Job done!

Ch61: The discussion between the two brothers is touching, yet understated.

Ch62: I am deeply concerned about this witch.

Ch63: A very powerful chapter. I like Pauls ruminations on the melancholia of being in love and the new responsibilities that accompany it. The confrontation with the witch is brilliantly executed and surprisingly...erm...heartening.

Ch64: I love how Paul needles Maddy and shows off about Stefania and the film during their phone conversation.
The line: "What kind of painkillers do they have you on, Paul?" really made me laugh.
I could have done without the bit where Paul crumbles and articulates his "deep-seated resentment" of Maddy. I think the reader can figure that out for themselves. Just a simple "sorry" would have sufficed for me here.

I don't really feel like I'm offering constructive criticism any more as I'm a bit too caught up in the storyline to view it clinically. Its excellent and beguiling work. I'll regroup and come back for the last segment in a day or two.

Dave

I finished this last night, too late to comment. I still don't know what to say. This book is really wonderful. I feel silly even saying anything.

I think you could add romance to your list; this was comedic, but very romantic as well. The little side stories you've thrown in work like palette-cleansers along the way, helping to intensify the flavor of the main story when you dig in again. (See, you made me so hungry I'm still thinking of food.)

Beautiful writing all the way through. I have three or four tiny comments I'll send in a message if you'd like them.

Hello Rob,

Ch43; I almost got a bit lost with all the different peoples names at the dinner table here. But not quite. Beyond that it's quite a sad little vignette concerning the two brothers. As Stefania is tapping her temple I'm guessing that "pazz" means "crazy" but a literal translation might be helpful here.

Ch44, This is embarrassing but I can't read the beginning part of the comments I scribbled down here! I'm a bit worried that if I tab back to the chapter for reference everything I've just typed will be lost. It looks like I wrote something about travel, about how seeing new things can make a person can recollect upon older...something or other. Another correlation in our respective works, I feel.
I can read the last part, though. The chapter closes with one of Stefanias summations once again. As she doesn't bandy her words everything she now says assumes a greater redolence for me.

Ch45: Some repetition here, but nothing criminal: "knocking her off the shovel and knocking her out briefly".
A wonderfully evocative chapter that ends on a dark note. Paul's memories of his childhood seem to be assuming a greater significance now, informing and previsaging events in the present day.

Ch46: I love the irony of Pauls' poem being published in the Vindicator and am saddened by his fathers final acerbic comment. These chunks of family history are becoming increasingly personal - like rifling through someones photo album without invitation.

Ch47: Nice to be back in the present day for a bit of a breather after the heavy content of the previous chapters. A pleasant traveloguey bit and a picnic!
When Domenica outlined the plot of the film I actually jumped, just as stunned as Paul.

Ch48: Feels a bit far-fetched with the producer saying he'll be bringing a crew down in a few weeks to start filming even though he doesn't have a script or anything rudimentary like that. A saving grace is that Paul seems to find it all equally ludicrous and functions herein as a conduit for reader skepticism. And I'm along for the ride whatever transpires.

Ch49: Another shocker! No, wait, two! Blimey, it's all happening now, isn't it? The last line of this chapter is completely brilliant.

Ch50: This chapter neatly encapsulates all the "what if?" tenets that permeate the text.

Ch51: This is nifty. Paul goes away to process recent events, but it also affords the reader a little period of grace to get their heads around it.

Ch52: You mentioned "The Twilight Zone" again! And "The Outer Limits"! Did Tobias Wolff teach you nothing?!?
It made me laugh how Paul only has the epiphanic realization that he is a full blooded Italian after a woman accuses him of lechery.

Ch53; You like that word "inchoate" as well, don't you? It feels wonderfully human that Paul is worried about Stefania being his sister and still has sex with her anyway. Someone once told me that Catholics are the worlds best at sex because they throw themselves into it with abandon - so they can extract yet more milage from feeling bad about it afterwards.
The Prince of Pasta and the Duke of Al Dente - hilarious!

Ch54: Chapter 54 won't load. Chapter 55 will, but I won't skip. I daren't, there's just too much happening now. Back to read more when Authonomy and life allows me. Looking forward to it already.

Dave

Hello Rob,

It's always a pleasure to return to this book, i get grumpy when real life intercedes and prohibits me. Right, where was I?

Ch34: Grandmas death. Our plotlines are converging spookily, like how the menstrual cycles of nuns synchronise. A well handled and moving chapter, with skilful segues into other anecdotes about death.

Ch35: I like that Stefanias' house is modernistic. It marks her out as different and distinct amidst all the old oak tables and earthenware jugs, provides contrast. As for the end of the chapter - get in there, Paul! Although maybe the see-through baby doll nightie reads as too much like male wish fulfillment fantasy. Which, now that I think about it, is precisely why a woman like Stefania might wear one.

Ch36: What! You can't do this to me, Rob! What happened to Stefania in the baby doll nightie?

Once my ardour has quelled I like the digression into the teacher in Pauls past (although you already used the word "orbs" to describe Stefanias breasts just a few chapters ago). Its like antipasto before the main course.

Ch37: I half-knew there wouldn't be a sex scene. It's entirely in character. Paul is too much of a gentleman to discuss such intimacies. Some very honest meditations upon male sexuality in this chapter, though. Yes, we are brutes. Over here we have an expression: "like a dog with two dicks."

Ch38: I was just wondering the other day if the Burgendorfs were ever going to reappear. More intriguing serendipity as Pino and Nancy know each other.

Ch39: This chapter feels like a shift. Now it feels like it might be turning into one of those European bed-hopping comedy of manners films. Not that that's a bad thing.

Ch40: I have to take issue with "lopsided smile" as its a bete noire for me, almost as annoying as those people who use French words when critiquing. In almost every book ever written there's a character with a lopsided smile.

Beyond that, this is a sad little chapter and I have a feeling the wistful "East is East and West is West..." refrain might prove to be a harbinger of future plot developments.

Ch41: I like Stefania, she's smart and crazy and she looks like Monica Bellucci. I have Silvana Mangano playing Domenica now too, in the movie in my head. I also like the word "roiling" which I've never heard before. I dearly hope its not a typo.

Ch42: Again, what rings through here is the honesty. In considering Domenicas retirement Pauls first thought is of his own "ass". Yet by now I like him so much I can let it slide. So many people write books in which the central character is a fantastical projection of their own ego - taller, better looking, more socially adept, with smarter one liners, etc. Yet, paradoxically, Paul's fallibilities and occasional awkwardness make him far more of a compelling and interesting figure to follow.

The notion of him attempting to discover the etymology of the world "asshat" is so typically him (and hilarious). The rest of the dream gets pretty wild - never a good idea to eat Margherita pizza before bed.

Authonomy has gone a bit mental and won't let me load the next chapter. So I'll pause for reflection at this point:


I'm was liking this story before, but I'm loving it now. As a brutish man, the introduction of sex into the plotline has cranked it up a gear for me. And I'm still reminded of "Travels With Charley" throughout, although admittedly that doesn't feature any sex (happily, seeing as Charley is a large poodle). Obviously that book was non-fiction and covered a vastly different terrain, but the main thing that always shone through about that tome for me was how Steinbeck was always just as interested in the people he met along the way as in the sights he saw.

I dug out my copy today and found this on the very first page:

"...all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us."

Sounds about right, eh?

Dave

Hello Rob.

I'm going to go chapter to chapter now, like you do. Chapter to chapter, mano a mano!

Ch23: The first paragraph begins "Matera is like no city I've ever seen" and ends "maybe the most interesting city I've ever seen".
I like the detail about the bloke's auntie having a voice like a cartoon mouse.

Ch24: "Zuhfriggitydiggity" made me laugh.

Ch25: We both used candle imagery to describe Grandmothers!
This is a quite a moving chapter, made all the more so by your now signature simple style.

Ch26: Sometimes I consider that other readers might be turned off by some of the more traveloguey sections of your book. But I like to travel and find them interesting and informative. So: bananas to the other readers.

Ch27: I felt this chapter was very skilfully rendered, how the ritual of the evening meal segued into Paul's recollections of similar ones from his childhood.

I don't speak Italian, but I gathered that in the conversation about the manila envelope there was a decision made to leave the matter until tomorrow. Might be an idea to offer some translation there, though. Not everyone's as clever as me!

Ch28: Penelope Addio is in Da House! She seems nice, I was expecting her to be a bit of a cow.

Ch29: Gone a bit philosphical here. I liked that the notion of randomness is broached explicitly, as that seems to be a leitmotif of the book. I felt towards the end that the conversation got a bit bogged down in name-dropping and quotes. A redeeming factor was Paul forgetting the verse of the poem he was attempting to recall - that felt very human and humorous and pulled me back into the real (imagined) world.

Ch30: I can't think of anything to say about this chapter.

Ch31: Again, another deft segue from the present back into Paul's family history, which is becoming increasingly colourful and interesting.

Ch32: Stefania - oh my stars, I'm half in love already. I'm thinking of Monica Bellucci, although I do that quite a lot anyway. I enjoyed the image of Paul feeling his face was being steamed and found her comment about him being "well preserved" strangely hilarious.

Ch33: This chapter just made me feel really hungry. I'm off to eat now.

Dave

The Unholy Ghostwriter
Ch’s 1-11:
I actually read this a while ago, but was enjoying it too much to take notes, so then I never commented because I didn’t want to be one of those silly little “love your book” comments.
Things I enjoyed: The chapter titles – they really cracked me up, and set the tone of the chapters nicely. I’ve traveled to Italy a few times – I felt like I was back there. Your descriptions are short and to the point (no flowery for you!). His nervous condition (or something!). I mean, I know traveling is stressful, but Paul could use a drink or seven. Keep your pecker up was possibly the funniest line I’ve read in a long time. What could that possibly mean, besides the obvious, but coming from old ladies?!? I even googled it to find out if it meant something other than what I thought…I got an interesting hit list.
Things I struggled with: not much actually, I flew through the chapters. The pace is great – even though there isn’t a ton of action and very little dialogue which speaks volumes for your skill as a narrator. I really thought the point of the book was that he would meet up with Penelope at some point – I knew he met someone else, but I kept waiting and waiting. Then I skipped to Ch’s 40, 50, 60… it doesn’t seem like he ever actually meets her. I have no idea if this is a crit or not, I just know I was distracted by waiting to meet her. Chapter 9 – dishwater blonde hair, I thought that was an odd description, particularly since you described her as “nice looking” (should be hyphenated?).
Overall: I thought it was a very easy, captivating read. Not heavy, not overly literary. Just a natural evolution of a good story. One I’d like for my kindle to read comfortably on the couch on a rainy day. Nice job, highly starred!
Kate M.

Hello Rob,

I read up to Chapter 22. Not quite sure why I've plumped for reading your book in 11 chapter blocks, but then I don't know why I do a lot of the things I do.

I believe last time I broke off because I was betting a bit mithered waiting for Penelope Addio to arrive on the scene. This is mostly my fault as I never read the pitches of books (I like to approach the text without preconceptions) and assumed that the focal point of the story would be the unfolding relationship between her and Paul.

Now I'm thinking differently. I'm thinking maybe Penelope is a McGuffin, a catalyst to set Paul along his serendipitous trail. With that thought in mind, I relaxed more into the text. As such, I don't have so many nitpicks this time around. But I'll list them anyway:

ch15: "Limboans (Limboites?)". I felt that this slight and jokey aside diluted the power of an otherwise dark and powerful chapter.

Ch17: I only just noticed in this chapter that none of the Italian is in italics. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, merely that I only just noticed!

P.S. Hal is an arsehole.

Erm, that's it. Beyond that I'm nuzzling up to the story more now. I'd still like to meet Penelope, but I can wait. I feel like I'm in safe hands and I'm liking the leisurely travelogue vibe. It puts me in mind of "Travels With Charley" by Steinbeck (my favourite travel book in the world) with its simply stated, yet vivid descriptions. Even something as everyday as the hotel balcony breakfast in Ch13 is rendered colourful and interesting by your hand.

I'm enjoying the way Paul's character is being shaded in by his recollections of his upbringing, wondering if there'll be anything coming up that explains his nervous condition. I'm also wondering what's up with Francesca and whether the burgeoning romance with Nancy is all in Paul's head...

So, with all that in mind, I'll be back for the next 11 before too long. I'm putting in on my shelf, where its closer to my furtive grasp. I wasn't sure the first time but this is great work, Rob.

Hello Rob,

I read your first eleven chapters. I'll get all the pedantic stuff out of the way first:

Chapter 3; "and, not surprisingly, discover she's not there" You used the word "not" twice on the bounce. You could maybe use "unsurprisingly" instead. Or even "surprisingly", if you wanted to convey irony.

Ch4: You didn't explicitly declare that the old ladies on the plane were English, although you did say that London was their home. If they are English and of a certain age I don't think they would use a phrase like "keep your pecker up". "Keep your chin up" might be more appropriate.

Ch5: I didn't like The Twilight Zone reference at the end of this, but I'm not really sure why. Maybe because it's a bit passe and overfamiliar. Also, you end Ch 9 with a similar, but (to my mind) more effective, notion of a descent into hell.

Ch8: "twenty-minute stress-induced bowel movement". Probably don't need the hyphen between the first two words, but I'm actually only mentioning this because it made me laugh. I like references to pooping.

Ch11: "If driving through Naples was hell, driving through Sorrento is a nightmare of hell." Okay, we get it with the hell thing. This sentence didn't seem to scan right to me: even "hell's nightmare" might make it sound a bit better.

There, all done. Overall, I liked it and it's rare to read a book on here with such a sure and unfussy style. The word that comes to mind is workmanlike, which doesn't sound like much of a compliment. But if it's work done well then I guess it is.

I'm not much good at reading off the screen and by the end of Chapter 11 I was starting to get a bit twitchy, thinking when is Paul ever going to meet Penelope? But I'll come back and find out at some point in the future, because I want to meet her too.

Dave

A nice, entertaining and well written book. Your writing style is hooking and you know that how to amuse people and how to create fun. Highly rated.

Hi Rob,
here for our reading swap and very glad I came!
I love this. It's funny, pacy and intriguing. I read chps 1-9, the short chapters keep the momentum going nicely despite the fact that not much happens. I felt you could do with a good edit in places, (can't we all) but I kept on reading because the tension was brilliantly built. It has the atmosphere of travel writing in places, but the well-observed details and events (however small) are what drives the reader on. We like being in the ghostwriter's shoes!
Best of luck with this.
I'm giving you 6 stars and will certainly bear it in mind for shelf space in the future. Will keep it on my watchlist for the next reshuffle!
Sharda.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

truly an entertaining premise, written with strong craft and command. good read.
j
what every woman should know

Dear Rob

I have read the first ten chapters of your wonderful book, "The Unholy Chostwriter" alternatively giggling and sitting on the edge of my seat. Your style blends tension with humour and you have great hooks which keep me reading. You write confidently and your style is light and refreshing.

Your storyline has enough complexity to be interesting and to demonstrate that you must have done your researches. This puts me at my ease. Paul is a great guy being led up the garden path.....with a few twists and turns on the way. To add a further hint of menace and uncertainty, in chapter ten your might like to mention that a thin plume of smoke from Vesuvius is clearly visible at all times...

I just want to read and read. The best recommendation there is, in my vho.

All the best. Top marks and a place on my WL for now.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :)

Great crafting here, Rob. I've been popping in and out for 10 chapters and I really like the voice and the style of this story. The plotline itself is just the kind of book I enjoy, You have rich, textured settings, and fascinating characters. First person present is not an easy style to make work, but the quick pace of the book makes it ideal for the story. I like Paul. If I met him in person, I know I'd like him. He's ready to spin on a dime and I'm never sure what he'll do next. High Stars -
Lizzi
God of Wine

Hi,

I started this yesterday, and I really enjoyed it. I love books set in different countries, when I saw this was set in Italy I couldn't resist. I am not one for critiquing, I really don't feel qualified to do so I am very new to writing. I do read a lot though, so base my comments on if I would buy the book, really I give a readers perspectivive. You are obviously a talented writer, the plot already is filled with little twists. The book is easy to read, the chapters are just the right lengh and the the narrative flows, made me feel like I was watching it rather than reading it.
I loved the idea of a book being written within the book.
The characters Paul, Penople are full and very realistic, dialogue is well written and the descriptions of people and places are beautifully written.
In my humble opinion I think this is a great read and I have highly rated this and would buy if I could.

Good luck
Jayne

Hi Robert, having just read the first ten chapters of your book, I find myself intrigued by the plot and guess that there are going to be unexpected twists and turns. It has the feeling that the trip Paul is undertaking is predestined and I want to read more. Good luck with it - you have the knack of drawing the reader in to the mystery and making them identify with the nightmare Paul is experiencing. I have put the book on my shelf. Perhaps at some time you would return the favour by reading my book 'Santuary'. I would appreciate any comments and backing. thank you - Tina Cox

Hi Rob,

I've read the first four chapters of The Unholy Ghostwriter. This sounds like a true story. Very well-written. In such a short space, I really feel like I know Paul. I like how all-American he is. I'll be back to read more. When I saw that you have 72 chapters, I was worried until I started reading. The chapters are short and fast-paced. It will be a joy to read them. P.S.-Good luck with your next batch of queries. I think this is publishable.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

HI Rob,
Just finished reading your intriguing story. It certainly has a lot of surprising twists. I found the story within the story a very interesting concept...especially the part where you wrote the review of the movie; that must have been challenging to detach yourself emotionally from your own work, but you handled it with admirable honesty. Although I must admit I was rooting for Nancy, I was grateful for Paul's happy ending.:) Nicely done and highly starred! Ruby

Hello Robert -
Book- The unholy Ghostwriter-

read the first four chapters and was looking forward to the chase after the actress to write her story-
however an note appeared ' sorry error- on loading next chapter-
however on what i read- i feel the premise is here for a very good romp of a read; and you try to track her down-
I will return to read more of the 72 chapters posted- enjoyed the first person narrative-

good luck. on the premise of great potential here i give it five stars and hopefully six on return
tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses-

Yatta! You've been ambushed by the crit ninja! http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/88310/crit-ninja-/

Well, the crit ninja and me… I've had this on my WL for an age, and today I finally got around to reading it! Shame on me for taking so long. I really enjoyed it.

I read the first 7 chapters (lovely and short, which is a relief when reading on screen) and was interested to read more. I can really feel Paul's frustration and panic. Maybe I've been in too many airports and on too many shuttles, but I related very well to these scenes.

My only real concern is that I felt the opening could have been much stronger. I'm not sure it's enough to really draw the reader in and make them read on to the good stuff to come. If you must start with a block of exposition, I would have liked to hear more of Paul's voice and his thoughts, quips, etc.

Also I would have saved the little info dump about his sick mother and put it in Chapter 6 where he's talking about his home town.

For the beginning, my suggestion would be to put us right in the action with Paul. I wanted to smell the greasy burgers, choke on the dust and smog of the freeway and feel the desert heat. I think that might have drawn me in a bit more.

It's a risk to leave the first bit of dialogue until so far in, but I think that works here. Paul's inner dialogue is doing enough to keep up the pace and move things forward.

This is quite a different book than the others I have read on Authonomy, and that was refreshing. Although I wouldn't have called it "comedy" as such, at least not from what I read so far, but it is certainly amusing and I can see scope for more of the same to come. I liked Paul, and immediately felt his annoyance with the actress he can't find. I hope she's as horrible as my expectations are of her when he finally does catch up with her.

I'm giving this 5 stars. Really good work.

Hi, Rob.
I read up to and including chapter 10. I must say, I find your writing style extremely smooth and very easy to slip into. From the start I was totally inside Paul's head, could feel every bit of tension and his anxiety as one thing after another went wrong for him. It had me saying to myself, where the bloody hell is this stupid woman. Discovering then that she was from the town his family came from really added an element of intrigue to the story. I really enjoyed what I read.
Incidentally I've been to Napoli and Sorrento and they are mental drivers, there. Trust me, I had every sympathy for him getting behind the wheel of that car.

Paul.

Robert,

I found your book intriguing, so I backed it. It is now sitting on my shelf. If you could, please take a look at my novel, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. If you find it worthy of your backing, your help will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

Robert,

I found your book intriguing, so I backed it. It is now sitting on my shelf. If you could, please take a look at my novel, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. If you find it worthy of your backing, your help will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

What. a. hoot. Rollicking all the way. Good luck with this, Rob!

I love the premise of this novel - as a writer and also as someone who is interested in the intersection of cultures and in roots. 
I'm not as drawn in by the start as I could be, though, and that's what I look at when I decide whether to pick up a book from the 3 for 2 table. A suggestion - and take it with a pinch of salt, I am after all an unpublished novelist - would be to start with "So here's the thing I'm worried about." Straight away it gets us hooked and wodering, what's happening here? If you want the detail that you give in the first couple of sentences, either have it as a second paragraph or weave it in later.  Also I'm wondering if you could find a different way to structure it rather than starting at the chronological beginning of the story. 
I hope those are helpful things to think about, but if not, as I said - ditch them!

a real literary masterpiece- great flow, narrative and voice. l like the plain speaking style, it can be difficult to read, but l think it works here...
backed...
read SEASONS...

OK, funny man, I’m here to read your real writing.

I have to tell you, your pitches are not interesting. Both of them read like book reports. Where is your personality? The clever play on words? The merry prankster? You can do much better.

I like first person present, I don’t care what anyone else says. It pulls me right into the action. I am in that car scarfing Mickey D’s along with our hero in dangerously deranged fashion. That sounds very cool when read aloud, but you knew that.

I have this idea that first lines mean much more than they say. As I know from your boring book report that the novel is about this article on Penelope, I think this is a good opening line. Meeting this woman is the catalyst for your story.

Love the images of where you and Penelope will sit on the plane.

This reverie is mighty complicated. Can it be simplified, pared down to its most basic essence, for now? We can get some of the details later. Like the pulling of gas tanks. I doubt we need to know that right this second. Maybe later. Because it's interesting. Just not relevant.

The last paragraph of Ch 1 is brilliant. I know I’m going to enjoy reading this.

Second chapter, first para…don’t you want whom there? And because you want whom, you’d rather revise the sentence, right?

So now I know our hero is a bit of a recluse. Because Tempe traffic ain’t that bad. And a bit of a dick (yes, I said that), for driving in the left lane when he knows he’s going to have to exit.

OK, second round of fast food burgers. You know what mom here is thinking. Mom is thinking you’re going to have gas. At the worst possible moment. Oh, and some truly disgusting breath.

Oh, man. Paul calls the flight rep “ma’am.” I grew up in the south. I am now officially a big fan of Paul Meadows despite his left lane banditry.

Well, I’m relieved Paul won’t be burping and farting at his actress quarry. Whew.

How does a Pilgrim pull her blanket up? I don’t have an image on file for this.

Well, here’s as good a place to stop as any. Keep your pecker up, indeed.

This is a wonderful story. I’d read it.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Hi,
Read alternate chapters up to ten.
The American fascination for 'La Bella Italia' clearly continues - from Hemingway to Puzo to Rowley!
This is a very readable and enjoyable piece. The writing flows well and the pace is excellent, though a little more description might add flavour better.(See 'A Farewell to Arms).
The tension is there even though there is little physical action. There is plenty of stress and conflict though and frustration in capital letters. If you take out some of the adverbs and adjectives (Stein - 'How to grow a Novel') it will strengthen the already excellent writing.
For once, the present tense didn't grate. You do that well.
Backed with pleasure.

This is really good. The present tense narrative really works. You've got a strong voice, a great protagonist and a pacy plot. I lived in southern Italy in my misspent youth and it's great to revisit the area in this story. Shelved.
Sheila

The Unholy Ghostwriter

I've read a lot of this now and feel able to comment. You have a very clear style and a very strong voice, your character mask never slips. The short, blog-like chapters are a great way of careering deep into this story and there is a strong forward momentum throughout which delivers enough back story without ever slowing the front story down. The story he is about to write is interesting enough, but his inadvertent story, the one you tell here, creates some great hall of mirrors effect, a story within a story.

My only suggestions are around a careful further editorial look at what is generally a very well edited piece. You will want to look at whether the menus eaten at certain burger joints need detailing, not sure they do and his reference to his mother seemed unnecessarily and uncharacteristically off-key in terms of your otherwise stupendously seamless voice. My elderly mother; surely not Rob, my dear old mom, or some such, unless their is a chilliness in that relationship which I haven't wheedled out of the depths of your story yet.

But I like this very much indeed, you are a great writer and you have a lovely, world-embracing, warm-hearted story here that takes us into his present and past with a gentle, story-telling ease that seems so natural. A great internal monologue, plagued with self-doubt, the reflections on the effect of very attractive women on his ability to construct coherent sentences and his embarrassment about this as a 50 year old man is just one example of your excellent observational eye.

Best wishes, promoting this little gem in the forums.
Andrew W
(Benevolence)

Well-written and insightful story. You convey the different settings with a delicate touch. Dialogue is a strength and the Italian doesn't jar. On occasion I found the chapters ended a bit abruptly but I blame Autho's set up for that, not you. Line drawings would be great with this!

I read to c.17 so far. This is a people-watching book and the observations are witty. The thing about assigned seats - I do that. What started as an easy, amusing read has now become a compelling story tinged with sadness. This transition is well done. I am rather cross with Francesca, but part of me thinks Paul deserved to be scuppered. The Lucia bit was really sad. I'm hoping you might be kind to Nancy and Paul. I will be reading on.

Maisie

Robert,

The Unholy Ghostwriter is easy reading... few if any errors to trip up the reader, and an interesting voice.

I have only a few minor comments for you to consider.
You might want to define UTEP for your readers.
The description of Paul rushing down the interstate is well-done. My only quibble was the description of the albino boy on the Greyhound. Nice writing, but I would contend that it would be impossible for someone to look up from a car and see a passenger sitting in another passenger's lap, especially from the driver's side of the car.

Since Paul was in the Navy, I would have expected him to learn tight packing tips from that experience rather than a book.

You mention that the bus ride to Gatwick is 75 minutes long twice... only need one.

Are you saying Youngstown Ohio has a Lake Glacier? That paragraph was enough to make me consider a visit.. if I interpreted it correctly.

You do a good job of ratcheting up the tension as Penelope continues to elude Paul... but don't overdo the repetition of Paul's self doubting in the first couple of chapters. It was the only thing that kept me from rooting for him 100%.

Nice job on this.

Ann - Absence of Grace

Interesting narrative. It reads like a travelogue which really makes it stand out from other books here.
The story itself is engaging and from what I've seen, this has a good pace and pleasant flow.

I haven't read as much as I'd like - I'll try to come back for more soon.
For now, I'm starring this and will pop it on my shelf as soon as there's space.

Good luck.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

And backed with delight. xx

My sister recommended this and I can see why. I love this relaxed narrative style - it's as if the auther is speaking to me, telling me his story as we sit late at night, relaxed over a few drinks, cosy before a crackling fire perhaps. I hope to finish it when you do, Mr Rowley.

I'm really enjoying this.
It's got a lovely pace and style to it, both readable and intriguing. The present tense keeps the reader right in the thick of the action which works perfectly.
Being an English person who has actually been to Arizona it was lovely to ride that road again (even though our hero wasn't enjoying it) and I've even been to Tempe!
I was a bit concerned about Ohio looking like the countryside around the M25 - it's such a horrid motorway, personally I find it hard to believe how it could induce nostalgia about anything in anyone...
Not convinced either by Gladys and Hyacinth who seem to be thinly drawn (I know they're only cameos) stereotypes and seriously no one is called Gladys or Hyacinth!
In chapter 4 I don't think you need 'I remember that in 1910..' and just go straight to 'In 1910' ( a minor edit but one that will help the pace, I thnk.
But a good read and I will read on (got to Chapter 8) and will give stars :)

Hi Rob,
We've met on the forums but when I read the first 7 chapters of your book I had not checked out your profile and hadn't connected the book with you. I had your MC as medium height, olive complexion, Male pattern baldness, a little overweight.(Not you, phew.) So what am I reading? At first I thought a novel, then a travelogue, then a collection of diary entries, perhaps a blog as the MC intimates. Is it life imitating art? I really do not know. I do like the relaxed style and the first person is in keeping with a Bill Bryson style of travelogue. I found myself admiring the writing but craving some plot, though I admit I am only at Ch7. I am not a literary type so I might be missing your intention but I felt it was stuck equidistant between a novel, scenes from screenplay, and a non-fiction travelogue/Diary. I imagine Addio is the destination and the point of it all is the Paul's journey, but for me Addio needed some fleshing out somewhere in the chapters I read and her elusiveness became a bit of a tease for me and a too obvious device to get Paul into the next chapter.

Good writing. Keep going. On my watchlist.

A well-written novel with a quiet magnetism that makes you want to read on.

I originally contracted to read four or five chapters, but read twelve, and will return to this attractive and interesting story to find out what happens next. Paul, the MC, is very likeable in his self-deprecation, and this is particularly well-presented in ch. 3. We quickly empathise with him in his nervousness as he rushes to meet actress, Penelope Addio, to ghost write her life story.

The pressure of driving to meet a time deadline is well-conveyed, as is all the frustrations of constantly missing her at airports. However, there are calmer moments in his journey, and I particularly liked his reflections when journeying along the M25 on a bus bound for Gatwick airport. In stylistic terms, this offered a change of writing pace and a chance for the reader to get to know the MC a litle better.

We are then transported to Italy, and the full horror and stress of driving in a foreign country are vividly described. Having driven for the first time abroad in Athens, the panic I felt then returned to me as I read this section of the book. Paul's meeting with the Burgendorf family, ch. 9, signals a new, and interesting dimension to the story.

The book is well-written in a clear and unpretentious way; the gradually unfolding plot easy to follow.

My only criticism relates to ch. 2, when Paul is thinking back to his marriage with Cathy. Clearly there is a need to tell us about this, but I thought it might have been better to have used this information at the start of ch. 12, when Paul is thinking sexually about his new travelling companion, Nancy Burgendorf. The section re. Cathy in ch. 2, seemed to intrude into the plot at this point, and it might have been better to have just focused on Paul's nervousness and the stress of the car journey.

Overall though, I liked this book enormously and it deserves to have more recognition on this site. Starred, and will back it when I can.

We warm quickly to the narrator whose wry intimate tone has bags of charm. First chapter is immensely successful in every regard. The second chapter I reckon you ought to sow in later in the book, perhaps as dialogue. It feels a bit like we’ve stopped in a car park. Chapter three is back on track again. And chapter four, though I reckon you could come up with something better than the sardine in a can metaphor. I’m looking forward to Italy now….

Rob

I'm so glad you've written more of this. I was fretting about it when I read the first part of it on your blog, months ago it seems, and it ended in mid air, leaving me wanting more. It's a wonderful journey you've taken me on and while I'm rarely a fan of first person narratives I simply cannot conceive of any other way you would write this. Please let me know when you've added more. Rated & WL'd

Tonia
BD

Robert, I loved your first chapter. When I got to chapter 2, I was a little startled by the change--all of a sudden you're talking about your father and what religion you are. It seemed out of place and took me out of the mood of the first chapter. I will read on, however. From your blurb, this is the type of book I'd like to read--especially since it is set in Italy!

[A short time later: Ha! I see you are RobRow! Didn't realize that when I WL'd the book, or read it!]

I'm reading along and very much feel like I'm sitting sipping a nice drink while someone tells me about their interesting real-life experience.
This is a great story, if unfolds nicely. It's the sort of story and writing where, when you take abreak and walk away, you think up questions you want to ask when you go back..and then remember that it's a book you're reading.

I will be reading on..but wanted to tell you I'm enjoying 'your' story. When I re-shuffle..I shall put it on my shelf.
Barbara

I've read everthing you posted. I kept wondering if Pino was up to no good and at some point might do something shady. Especially when Paul decides to go back to the car for his briefcase. I had visions of money gone missing. You lead us on a merry chase and I'm still not sure how it's going to turn out but I'm interested to find out. If you tagged this as Harper true life or a biographical journey it might fit the latest craze in publishing. They like the 'real deal', so to speak. If you post more then let me know and I'll read on. I love the title but as yet it doesn't quite fit the story. It would make more sense to me if it was his father's side he was tracking? I understand the religious connotation but did I miss something along the way?
As usual your humour is nicely understated and I'm rooting for Paul to come out on top. (in some ways he has already - no?).
Starred and on the shelf for the long haul.
Christine

Great idea and pacing (short chapters are a big plus), urbane, entertaining. I think your title would be punchier (to use an American word) as just 'Father Son & Ghostwriter'. All the best for this one. Wish I had a copy of this on a long plane flight. Backed.

Chasing an elusive actress across Europe, while the ensuing adventure unfolds, is a great vehicle (pardon the pun) for delivering comedy, sexual tension, and the opportunity to explore one’s heritage.

I recognized your work when three burgers and a drink showed up, combined with deranged eating. Seriously though, I thoroughly enjoyed this. A number of things made me laugh out loud.
“Palmettos” – yes that kind of phonic confusion has happened to people I know.
The kid on the bus with fries and flipping the bird – nice imagery.
When he’s thinking of his ambition (killed years ago) - but being a man drifted to other thoughts…. ha ha.
You create likeable, hapless main characters, and the need to know the rest of the story. Tell me if you post more.
Christine
(I'm hungry - time to raid the fridge!)