The White Light Dawn

Thank you for making this book available to read here.

You have a good imagination - there is a nice world opening up here. I have two things to say - one: I feel that I am being told a story rather then showed it and, two, This could be so much better with more humour on it. Apart from that, a very good read and I wish you all the best with this title.


Yours,

MarkXX...

"things in life have to be confusing for you to eventually comprehend." Someone's read my novel! Seriously though Barry, this is great, I like the voice and good luck. It's terrific to see it doing so well.

A very interesting read which makes one involved in it unless one does not finish it completely. Starred to heights and on my watch list now.

A very interesting read that makes one involved in the situation. High Stars and backing for the book with on my watch list now. Hope to see it on ED's Desk very soon.

I only needed to read the first page to realize the potential of this work. The images painted in the first paragraph are prose of the highest order, poetry in fact. The "Grunts" what wonderful character names. I must tell you, this work is really great. Backed of course. Chuck

THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN not only offers an entertaining escape, it also reveals universal truths-- wisdom we all need to hear. Its humor will make readers laugh, the characters will make them care, the story will keep them hooked, but the messages will leave them intrigued and pondering life long after they've finished the book.

THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN achieves what few books do-- it crosses over typical readership boundaries that normally narrow a book's audience. In other words, this clever book would appeal to a large audience. Throughout the entire time I was reading this book, I recognized it as one that could be successfully marketed to multiple age groups.

The author has created an original world that is larger than the sum of its parts, simply because the boundless messages resonate in remarkable ways. They are capable of evoking knowledge familiar to each human soul-- these most basic and honest aspects of life are to be cherished-- things such as having hope, following your dreams, the importance of perseverance, friendship, and believing in one's self.

THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN is an enlightening and hilarious adventure tale with well-crafted elements of unity and characterization that swell the book's momentum, encouraging an enjoyable narrative arc. It is a fast-paced read with smooth transitions and a flow most writers struggle to achieve.

In terms of writing, I like that THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN demonstrates a technique such as writing as an illusion...

Most people are familiar with a magician's illusion of linked rings. The rings seem solid, yet they're linked together, pulled apart, formed into a string which can morph into different shapes -- like pulling a stick through a mud puddle with oil glistening on the top-- or they can be stacked on top of one another--sum of the whole, yet still their own circles...it also echos of the Panopticon theory. A lot of factors fortify the circles found within THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN -- word choice, tense, imagery, starkness, and truth. This malleable method of writing allows the reader to mold and play with the story and its message. This allows an intimacy to flourish between the book and the reader.

At first, I assumed this was a simple and comedic tale. It is those things...but so much more. It didn't take long for me to realize this book had universal appeal--it could be marketed to different ages and reader groups. ...And usually tucked within these universally appealing books are Universal Truths.

"A truth is considered to be universal if it is valid in all times and places. In this case, it is seen as eternal or as absolute." - Wiki

Once, I also read someone define universal truth in one word-- love.

THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN is full of these universal truths and some of them are written in the most gorgeously understated way. The author uses delicate layers of themes to aerate the plot. It's lovely.

Ironically, before reading this book, I was listening to "The Fool On the Hill" by The Beatles.
This song describes Berk in THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN so well. Berk seems like a screw-up and a drunken louse that even gets lost in his own neighborhood.

...But he's not.

Berk is someone that would follow a moth around the world. Berk is the person who realizes that even though he's a dreamer, and he seems like the court jester, he's actually a phenomenally profound individual. Here is the chorus to "The Fool On the Hill":

"But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around
Well on his way his head in a cloud"

That's Berk! People think he's the one with his head in the clouds, but he's standing on the mountain looking down for a reason: That's the place where he can not only see everything, but he's closest to the sky there, so why wouldn't he stand on the hill? (Not to mention this is another Panopticon reference.) And you know what Berk thinks to himself-- as Berk is standing on the hill, overlooking his town, he looks at the sky and considers that if each star was a choice he could have made, he kept picking the same star. This is such a beautiful and poignant line.

The man who sees everything knows the truth.
The man with his head in the clouds learns what a dream is, and can follow it.

And another message was formed-- Berk had to have that dark place inside (his home) to return to sound the rest of the book off of. His point of origin is a planet shrouded in darkness. Who better to appreciate the beauty light encompasses than someone who's lived in the dark? For example, once, I asked a blind woman to describe the color blue to me. She said it was soft sometimes, but other times it felt like water under her fingertips. Most of all, she said she was told her mother's eyes were blue, so she knew the color looked like love.

THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN also shows how every piece of life is important and forms a puzzle that could not be understood or progressed without the smaller pieces. The way this book illustrates that sort of universality gives the reader the ability to make memories with its words.

When creative people put their work out into the universe, as the author has done with THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN, it changes the way people think and feel. The easiest example is the music of the 60's which helped to spur this global energy of love and acceptance. There are so many songs in the world that I've seen people write comments about that said something like, "I was going to kill myself, but I listened to this song over and over again and didn't. It saved my life." Books are like that too!

There is something lyrical about the truths found within THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN. It touches a universal chord that transcends all time.

Best of luck with your book.

Can I honestly tell you, out of all the books I have ever read, not just on this site. (and I'm a book junkie.) I love this book. I am hooked on it and can not see one flaw. It's the best book I have read in a long time. I look forward to reading it all! And when it does get published I would gladly buy it and read it over and over again.
This it the type of book that makes you think, and makes you go into a whole new world. Thanks for putting it on this site for all of us to enjoy your wonderful work!

Awesome work! Happy to back. Hope you get a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck!
61BBboy

"Thank you for having your work on here to be enjoyed" I think that's just about one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you. :)

I have just finished the second chapter and really enjoying it so far. I love stories that are unique and creative. The way you describe things is simple, but brilliant. So many people over complicate description, but your imagery is wonderful. I'll keep reading and give you a rating. Maybe if you have the time you can take a look at my work? Thank you for having your work on here to be enjoyed.

That's so good to hear, Laurence. Thank you for your comment and backing. It needs work on it, but that's what editors are for, right? I'm half way through the follow up. They link very well to each other now ... so hopefully people will enjoy the negative flaws in my characters like a comment from Jeremy Clarkson, LOL
Perfect, thanks again

Masterly and imaginative! The narrative is captivating from the opening paragraph. A great read ideal for long haul flights. I enjoyed the first few chapters of The White Light Dawn very much. The intriguing premise and pitch is the spring board that transported me diving into the story.
Backed with pleasure,
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

Masterly and imaginative! The narrative is captivating from the opening paragraph. A great read ideal for long haul flights. I enjoyed the first few chapters of The White Light Dawn very much. The intriguing premise and pitch is the spring board that transported me diving into the story.
Backed with pleasure,
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

I have just finished the second chapter and really enjoying it so far. I love stories that are unique and creative. The way you describe things is simple, but brilliant. So many people over complicate description, but your imagery is wonderful. I'll keep reading and give you a rating. Maybe if you have the time you can take a look at my work? Thank you for having your work on here to be enjoyed.

Hi bigmouth,

Now this is some very positive feedback. I couldn’t agree with you more about your comment. Personally, I only see these imperfections when pointed out to me. That’s what’s so great about this site. I can’t speak for other writers, but when I read my own words, I tend to read what’s not there because my mind is constantly reinventing them. I’ve had it edited once by a friend who isn’t an editor. If, or when, I’m in the position to be in contact with a professional editor, the mere thought excites me to imagine the story evolving to perfection.

I will be honest. I have been going with the ‘story is king’ mind-set. I’m so far ahead on the sequel that ‘The White Light Dawn’ has taken the back bench. I have currently been editing it, but it’s hard to keep going back when your mind is jam-packed with a following story.

Of course I will correct these repetitions you have kindly pointed out to me. Like I said, very positive feedback…and, did I just repeat myself again? Ha-ha

I think the idea of this story and found the general tone quite entertaining and appealing, but it does need quite a bit of editorial work.

Some examples:

There is a lot of repetition. You often say the same thing twice in as many sentences (which is sort of what I have done there!) In the intro you say 'For some unknown reason at the end of every ninth year...' and in the next line you say 'No one knows why these gigantic suns were attracted there or for what reason.' That is pretty much the same statement told in two different ways. The same thing happens again in the next chapter, 'four unpleasant districts' is followed by 'four unappealing quarters'. It would be a good idea to go through the whole manuscript with a red pen and delete one option every time this occurs. Your book will be more streamlined and less baggy as a result.

Personally, the similes felt wrong. They jarred somewhat. I am not sure what a 'jagged tablecloth' is, and some of the others - oil on water, compass etc. - are somewhat cliched. Again, I would tone these down a bit and consider alternatives.

The core of what you have here is pretty good but I think it is somewhat over-written and this gets in the way of the story. Bring the story to the fore and worry about linguistic prowess later.

Best of luck.

I think the idea of this story and found the general tone quite entertaining and appealing, but it does need quite a bit of editorial work.

Some examples:

There is a lot of repetition. You often say the same thing twice in as many sentences (which is sort of what I have done there!) In the intro you say 'For some unknown reason at the end of every ninth year...' and in the next line you say 'No one knows why these gigantic suns were attracted there or for what reason.' That is pretty much the same statement told in two different ways. The same thing happens again in the next chapter, 'four unpleasant districts' is followed by 'four unappealing quarters'. It would be a good idea to go through the whole manuscript with a red pen and delete one option every time this occurs. Your book will be more streamlined and less baggy as a result.

Personally, the similes felt wrong. They jarred somewhat. I am not sure what a 'jagged tablecloth' is, and some of the others - oil on water, compass etc. - are somewhat cliched. Again, I would tone these down a bit and consider alternatives.

The core of what you have here is pretty good but I think it is somewhat over-written and this gets in the way of the story. Bring the story to the fore and worry about linguistic prowess later.

Best of luck.

I really enjoyed reading this. I appreciate humor and anything that can make me laugh out loud is a good thing.

Some notes while I was reading….

Chapter 1:
Awesome introduction. I almost wonder if it would be better to start with “Let me introduce myself, and then go into that. The first and second paragraph would then be third and fourth…
Good ending to that chapter with an explanation of the title. Well done.

Chapter 2
Good chapter.
Personally, I don’t like sound effects like “squeak, squeak”. I think you should be able to incorporate the feeling you are trying to get at without them. But I have seen them used often. So, I won’t advise you to change what is likely just a personal preference on my part.

Chapter 3
Ahaha…

It was about a year to write it but I was travelling at the time. It then took another year to piece it all together like a puzzle, ha-ha I now have grey hair, :D
Thank you so much for your comment.

First of all, how long did it take you to write this/develop the story etc? I can see this book as a movie! You have such a great imagination.

When I began reading the first chapter, I was thinking; This is not a genre I usually read, but then as I carried on to chapter 2, I found myself really enjoying it.

Great descriptions, awesome characters, well done!

Holly (The Lady in White)

Sorry, my computer is stuffed and I always press my comments twice. Oh well, at least I'm getting my point across to you. Ha!

First of all, how long did it take you to write this/develop the story etc? I can see this book as a movie! You have such a great imagination.

When I began reading the first chapter, I was thinking; This is not a genre I usually read, but then as I carried on to chapter 2, I found myself really enjoying it.

Great descriptions, awesome characters, well done!

Holly (The Lady in White)

First of all, how long did it take you to write this/develop the story etc? I can see this book as a movie! You have such a great imagination.

When I began reading the first chapter, I was thinking; This is not a genre I usually read, but then as I carried on to chapter 2, I found myself really enjoying it.

Great descriptions, awesome characters, well done!

Holly (The Lady in White)

great characters,comical undertones and a good storyline, well done.

This is great!! A cross between Monty Python and The Clangers (little metallic mice-like creatures who lived in space.) It's funny and the m/cs are brilliant. Will read it all when I can. A few typos, but the story surpasses those. On bookshelf with stars, and w/l. Well done.

Kate Grimes - LIZZIE- CUPPA TALES -TALES OF WILLOW GREEN -ANNIE

Love love love the imagery of this. I am a drama teacher and I know that my upils would love this although I'm not really sure which audience you are aiming for.

Rusty

I've only read part of the beginning but it looks great. You have a great, smooth style. I found this book very engaging and easy to read. And I think the cover is great, it really drew my attention.

Good Luck,

Roy Earle "Bad Men and Bad Odds"

Very funny scene when Berk ask for another drink even though he just woke up from a drinking binge from the night before..A lot of whitty dialogue between Berk and his brother Lofty...I have to say that I love Berk's motto..if only we could all live by that instead of hoping for a different past..I like your play on character names Old Dodgy Ken, Leonard Greedy and most of all the Grunts..I'm surprised that you used every 9th year the sun comes around and you didn't use any religous symbols like 3,5 or 7..I only read until chapter seven, but Berks character and Lofty's fight with his mate will keep the reader hooked..Overall a funny story..

I am a first time author here and chose this book right off the bat. It has a great cover, really catches the eye. Loved the first person view in chapter one. Your style is smooth and a very easy read. I've only read the first few chapters so far but I can't wait to read more. Thanks!

Hi, Just read the first 3 chapters and enjoying the characters and setting very much. Will leave it up on the computer and read it over the next few days. Punctuation needs a bit of ironing out but that can come later and certainly doesn't detract from the story. I like the way you write, moving between points of view. It is not classically "correct' but I do it all the time and so did Douglas Adams so we are in good company.
If you get a moment free, would appreciate any comment you may have on my book, A Fatal Misuse of Time.

Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.

Will get back with some more inciteful comments after I have read some more.

Cheers
Andrew

Its a great book, six stars. It should be in print no doubt. The description and imagination hooked me in from the start.
Jleblanc
The Apocalypse Dawn

This isn't the sort of thing I like, usually....comedy-fantasy....urgh. The cover didn't grab and neither did the pitch. But I persevered and read the first paragraph anyway and I was HOOKED. I love this! The first chapter reads like a dream and I just can't wait to read more. So far, this is the best piece of writing I've come across on Authonomy recently - really well-written. Someone who knows how to string a sentence together.
What are you doing on a writers' website?! You should be out there, published!
Time for Terry Pratchett to hang up his hat!
xxx
SJB

Just popped into the Blurry Now for a half of slurry but you weren't in. I met Bevy instead. She sent you a message but it isn't printable. This book is too funny to read! It's already given me a hernia! I even forgot to rate it last time I was in Liver. If I knew anybody else with the same sense of humour I'd recommend they read this.
If they're passing the hat round for a new settee for Bev let me know.
Cheers
Jane

Barry, you have a unique voice as a writer and even though you deal with complex subjects with imaginary planets and creatures, I am easily able to follow the story. You write with humour and wit eg Lofty telling his brother Berk that sometimes he thinks their mother must have kept the afterbirth and thrown away the baby. An enjoyable read, which I have rated highly.
Maria (Georgina's Family)

Awwww, thanks. My personality is no different ... I just have a lot of useful nonsense in my head, Dianna. :-D

Barry,

You are one funny guy who has a comedic way with words. “as much use as an empty toilet roll holder on a bad belly day.” Way witty!

I loved how you introduced your story. The voice was really so kind and invited me along for a crazy visit with a peculiar down-and-outer and his burly brother. Colorful one-liners and metaphors brighten the otherwise dimly lit planet as Lofty’s life in Liver Nor nor gets all raveled up. Highly starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Barry,

You are one funny guy who has a comedic way with words. “as much use as an empty toilet roll holder on a bad belly day.” Way witty!

I loved how you introduced your story. The voice was really so kind and invited me along for a crazy visit with a peculiar down-and-outer and his burly brother. Colorful one-liners and metaphors brighten the otherwise dimly lit planet as Lofty’s life in Liver Nor nor gets all raveled up. Highly starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

LOL! You’re right about the Variety Club! West Yorkshire can’t be that bad? At least you can get on a train when you want. I live in The Channel Islands so trains are a no go. :D
Growing up here was all about pubs. Why else was Oliver Reed our favourite drunken local? Ha-ha
Of course, there is also a very dark side. The Islands were the only British soil the Nazi’s occupied. So really, there is a lot of negative emotions and behaviour for me to draw on living here, LOL
Great comment … I’ll get to you as soon as I can.
PS … Love the Grey Hound. My best friend rescues them from the tracks.

Barry, I’ve been reading this, ignoring commas and spelling mistakes, and having a bit of a laugh. It occurrs to me that I know this place, from dark, childhood memories, from when my parents dragged me screaming and kicking to live in West Yorkshire. You know what’s missing in Liver Nor nor? A Variety Club! You could have the Grunt equivalents of Shirley Bassey and Englebert Humperdinck (if their agents are reading this I mean of course Shirley Ramsbottom Bassey and the other Englebert Humperdinck). I can see it now, the tankards of Brown Sap swaying, the audience staggering up on the tables, the Woodbines smoke screen shimmying in the light of the twenty watt bulbs…

Barry, I’ve been reading this, ignoring commas and spelling mistakes, and having a bit of a laugh. It occurrs to me that I know this place, from dark, childhood memories, from when my parents dragged me screaming and kicking to live in West Yorkshire. You know what’s missing in Liver Nor nor? A Variety Club! You could have the Grunt equivalents of Shirley Bassey and Englebert Humperdinck (if their agents are reading this I mean of course Shirley Ramsbottom Bassey and the other Englebert Humperdinck). I can see it now, the tankards of Brown Sap swaying, the audience staggering up on the tables, the Woodbines smoke screen shimmying in the light of the twenty watt bulbs…

Thanks, Lina. I'm half through the follow up, ;)

i love it!

i'm such a sucker when it comes to stories about other planets and beings beyond our own galaxy. i really can't wait for it to be published.

i love it!

i'm such a sucker when it comes to stories about other planets and beings beyond our own galaxy. i really can't wait for it to be published.

This is kind of like Oz's Dorothy on drugs! Backed.

Nice one.
Funny, sharp, witty, dry - as an 18 yr old guy into all things geeky - this is awesome.
backed

I absolutely love the way your novel is written - its just so readable. I would back this if I had space right now! A very imaginative and enjoyable creation.

THE WHITE LIGHT DAWN
This is a crazy, crazy funny read. I started out to read just a little of it but kept reading and reading. Your writing style is great; I liked the way you made this group of unusual characters come alive and seem real. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

Fast, funny and fabulous. Six stars and on my watch list awaiting promotion. Yours Bea

BT Thanks Bill, I've never been in the forums before. Return read? I can't really remember, ha-ha
Thanks for you're comments, they are very helpful to me and I see what you're saying. I would never be sarcastic ... well, maybe a little.

You were on my WL. I'm not sure if it was because you said something sarcastic in the forums or if this is a return read. If it's a return read, sorry for the delay.

I like your writing style. The beginning reminded me of Douglas Adams. I could heap praise on you which would be deserving, but wouldn't help you improve your work.

So, here come the bits that never make me popular. Below are the places I stumbled or where something seemed off to me. Just my SFO.
___

I got the vision of him being the white part of a fried egg. It was quite nice, but the "abnormal" caused me to pause so the meataphor wasn't as clear. Is the abnormal necessary? Is it a mutated egg?

Allowing the inhabitants to have partial visibility - The way this is worded it makes it sound like the inhabitants are partially visible.

"Squeak, squeak, squeak(,)" it squeaked. -- not sure but I think you want a comma here.

http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/86237/on-dialogue-attributes-/#AnchorPostId2272279

"Suddenly, he glanced down at his feet and it occurred to him that he was bare footed." -- This isn't as clean as the rest of your writing. To many unecessary words when you could just say -- "He glanced down at his bare feet. --The next sentnece explained the rest. --"I don't remember walking . . ."


Good work.

Best,
Bill

BT

You were on my WL. I'm not sure if it was because you said something sarcastic in the forums or if this is a return read. If it's a return read, sorry for the delay.

I like your writing style. The beginning reminded me of Douglas Adams. I could heap praise on you which would be deserving, but wouldn't help you improve your work.

So, here come the bits that never make me popular. Below are the places I stumbled or where something seemed off to me. Just my SFO.
___

I got the vision of him being the white part of a fried egg. It was quite nice, but the "abnormal" caused me to pause so the meataphor wasn't as clear. Is the abnormal necessary? Is it a mutated egg?

Allowing the inhabitants to have partial visibility - The way this is worded it makes it sound like the inhabitants are partially visible.

"Squeak, squeak, squeak(,)" it squeaked. -- not sure but I think you want a comma here.

http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/86237/on-dialogue-attributes-/#AnchorPostId2272279

"Suddenly, he glanced down at his feet and it occurred to him that he was bare footed." -- This isn't as clean as the rest of your writing. To many unecessary words when you could just say -- "He glanced down at his bare feet. --The next sentnece explained the rest. --"I don't remember walking . . ."


Good work.

Best,
Bill

I highly recommend this book ,absolutely brilliant !! Can't wait to read more books by Mr.Bourgaize !!

Thanx! :)

I highly recommend this book ,absolutely brilliant !! Can't wait to read more books by Mr.Bourgaize !!

Wow, you have such a vivid imagination I feel a little jealous. Seriously, I haven't seen any writing this creative so far on authonomy. The first chapter was brilliant, instantly drew me in. I loved the fact that it seemed to be written from God's - or a Godly? - point of view. There was plenty of wit and humour to keep me interested. Chapter 2 and we are instantly transported to a detailed world you've created with ogre like creatures that sleep in alleyways and drink beer - my younger brother who's fourteen would love something like this!
You introduce us to some very interesting characters, especially Berk who seems to stumble his way through life and is quite endearing in his own, weird way.

I'll definitely read on but for now all I can say is well done, this is a gem of a story that people of all ages will love. I wish you the best of luck with it :)

Highly rated. Read it people!!!
Yasmin
- Guileless

Wow, great stuff. A huge story that has clearly come from a huge imagination. Unique, funny and well written.
Well done and good luck with it.
Ian

This is an amazing story Barry, thunderously imaginative and immensely profound.....almost religious to its core.
You get my backing all the way on this one Barry!

Phillip.D.Curwood

Thank you so much, Phil! Hey, it's nothing compared to the follow up! ha-ha

This is an amazing story Barry, thunderously imaginative and immensely profound.....almost religious to its core.
You get my backing all the way on this one Barry!

Phillip.D.Curwood

charming and engagingly written-backed

rt