Beastia

I don't think I ever read a book, that is so awe-inspiring as Beastia. It is a song of brilliance, a timeless tale, a truly beautiful piece of work.

Sovannah
Conqueror

p.s. Six stars!

Christian, what the heck r u doing on this site? this book is so cool! Beastia should be in theaters!

I've already backed and starred this, but I've come back for more and have read through chapter six so far. Here are my comments:

This story is intriguing, and definitely original. She's the perfect bitch, and she turns into an ugly, insecure victim who's become what the monster shaped her to be because she doesn't know who she is anymore. She has a Lieutenant at her back along with a Chinese family, as well as the girl she kicked the shit out of back in High School. Now she's met this hot guy who's down on his luck, and is put in a position where she has to confront her general fear of men with him.

The writing is fantastic, and it's easy to fly through the chapters without realizing the time, or having any inclination to stop. Personally, I would keep reading now but I am so hungry that I'll probably drop dead at the keyboard if I don't eat, so there you have it. One thing I will say is that the first two chapters didn't quite hook me-- it was the third where I really strapped in and sat down for the ride. I feel that's where your story begins, and I know those first two chapters are needed, but I don't know. If I hadn't decided to come back and read the third chapter I might not have continued at all.

A few nits regarding commas:

1) you tend to forget to use commas with your speech tags. Like, instead of writing,' "Hi, I'm Mary," she said.', you write ' "Hi, I'm Mary." She said.'

2) you sometimes drop commas where they should be, such as in this sentence, ' "You lost weight," she said worried.' There needs to be a pause after 'said' or else it reads funny.

Really though, this is kickass, and I hope this is a complete novel because I'm sure I'll get to the end of what you have in short order and I'll want more! :D

Best of luck,

Jasmine

Chistian!

I entered chapter 7 of your upload today... what an engaging story! I will be finishing it in a couple of days probably, but I thought I should say a thing or two before.

You are nailing the psychological aspect of Bek. It all has a great pace and all aspects of Bek's life after the "event" are so prolific! I never thought I'd like a story such as this. 6 stars for now, and if it keeps going this way I'll have to find you a spot on my shelf :)

I'll comment again in a couple of days offering suggestions for certain parts that could use minor changes-in my opinion.

Yannis

Review: BEASTIA

I've read all you have posted, most of it in a single day, and I must say that this is the first YA book on authonomy that I have desperately wanted to see published in order to put it in the hands of my pre-teen daughter. From the content to the unusual characters to the quirky narrative voice, this is a fresh and brutally honest piece of art. Ignoring the occasional grammatical errors or word substitutions, I found myself crying one moment and laughing aloud the next. The driving moral message behind this story is EXACTLY what every girl should hear and understand.

I will admit that I was put off by chapter one and almost missed the opportunity to read Beastia. I don't know how to fix that since the very thing that put me off is the same catalyst from which the plot launches. In summary, this manuscript feels too real to be fiction and I hope against hope that this has not been based in your life experiences. It isn't a fairy tale. Thank you for being authentic.

6 stars & backed,
SW
Devil Went Down

I was put on to this by Kara (Sammy); I am impressed, and like the readiness to go to extremes unflinchingly. I felkt that some of the details (the phone call, for example) and the pacing might need to be looked at carefully, but these are minor issues.

I am putting this on my watchlist, and will back when I can. Five stars.

This is great, I mean, seriously good. I finally had a spare hour and read the book I've been backing for a few weeks ... wow, I'm glad I did.
I love it.

I'll be back on later to leave a proper comment with my full thoughts - but just wanted to add something before I forgot.

Already backed, because not only is this book awesome - but you are too xx

Sam

I read chapters 9 and 10.

This is very well written. Though I was never bullied, I always feel a sense of here's-a-dagger-in-your-side when I read or see the internal ugliness of another literally exposed.

I don't know if it's because I'm sleepy, but I did get confused at times because I think Beastia speaks of Bek (herself) in 3rd person, but it's random and she constantly refers to her as "she". Sometimes I didn't know who she was talking about and thought maybe, once in a while, you could tell us it's Bek.

Other than that, I thought this was nicely written and you are good with dialog.

-Aliah
Her Demise

Just read the first chapter. Great job creating the girl we love to hate! Perfect voice and tone. I think you nailed it. I would think this would really grab teen girls.
I hope you're open to minor, petty nitpicking (and please, feel free to return the favor!), I'd suggest breaking some of your longer sentences in half. Examples: I may have looked nice on the outside....corpse on the inside(.)
Her eyes welled up in horror (.) Her mouth...
My back stiffened(.) I grabbed the chipped green...
You injured someone (.) That's serious.
You might want to be specific about what "stuff" is, when it flies out of Jo-ann's hands. Books? A flurry of papers? A slushie?
typo: "in her hand" is missing it's N.
When you say "I buried my face in my hands" you then say "the cop nodded." Seems like you wouldn't be able to see the nod in that case.
Best of luck!
-- Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink

Okay. Read through chapter 27. What a good story! I have very little to comment on, except how well written it is. This has been Beastia day at my house.
I do think that some of your chapters are a little repetitive. I know it takes time in real life for a person to process the horrid tragedy that it Beastia's life, but it seemed a little drawn out to me to keep the reader's interest. Maybe Tom really was standing on the stairs the night of Beastia's nightmare...and maybe no one believes her but he was there.
I love the police officers assigned to her case and the therapist, lovely story you are telling, my dear!
I loved the characters of Jo-Ann and Will. I feel like your MC reaped what she sewed a little, although that is so blatantly unfair. No one reaps what your MC reaps fairly.
Highly starred!
Keep on keeping the faith on this one! Beautifully written, meaningful, deep, real, and alive read.
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

I have to admit, I was drawn in by your description of your book. Tattoos? In. Piercings? Double in. And a female lead who had gone through hell and back not backing down? I'm there.

Beastia is an interesting tale that you have woven, one that I winced at in the opening chapters, though in a positive way. I winced at the fattie nicknames, just like I winced when I found out what happened to her. Admittedly, I'm only a few chapters in, but I plan on reading the rest soon. Oh, and you get a backing.

Cheers,
Marisa
Tower of Paradise

Loved this. I read through chapter two this evening, and will read on....Highly starred and watchlisted. Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

A brilliantly well thought out and conceived as well as masterfully written, Beastia! I tip my hat to you my lady, bravo! I foresee not only a book contract but a movie deal as well. Pure Exquisiteness!

Pavin

Wow, this is a really amazing, sad book. The details of Beastia are good, and the story flows very nicely! Good work!

This book is theaters worthy and sounds very good from what I read so far and I can't wait to read more.

I have read the first eight chapters of Beastia and enjoyed them immensely. The writing is very professional and the characterisation is totally convincing, especially Bek/Beastia herself, who comes over as a fully formed, three-dimensional person with all her self-doubt and prickliness.

I do have one observation, though I do feel a bit mean to have to mention it, considering how highly I rate your writing. For me, the story only really took off after Bek became Beastia. When I initially read the first two chapters, the series of disasters that Bek suffered did seem rather excessive. As I read on (chapter three onwards), only then I started to understand that pretty much everything that happened in those two chapters is essential to the plot (especially setting up her relationship to Jo-Ann), but at the time I was a bit bewildered as to what the story was going to be about. Anyway, this just one observation from one reader; I'm sure other readers will have a totally different opinion.

I want to wish you the best of luck with "Beastia". Not only should it be published, it should be on every high school student's book shelf. I believe it's the sort of story that can change people's outlook on life.

I've given Beastia a constellation of stars.

best wishes and good writing
John Bayliss

Great stuff! Yours is the first book I read when I signed up here. Cuz it was so good I trusted your "shelf" instincts too. "My" instincts were right; THIS is right on. Starred and shelved.

I don't think I ever read a book, that is so awe-inspiring as Beastia. It is a song of brilliance, a timeless tale, a truly beautiful piece of work.

Sovannah
Conqueror

p.s. Six stars!

Christian, what the heck r u doing on this site? this book is so cool! Beastia should be in theaters!

Wow, I've never read a book before where the meanest girl in school was the main character, very original! It's like you want the reader to hate her and kick some into sense to her but then again try to see things through her perspective and see if you have a change of heart. Your writing is flawless as you might already know and your settings and characters are brought to life with sufficient details.

Love this!
Highly starred :)

Hey, this is an awesome book! Skillfully woven together to inspire the reader intensely. Love the quotes in the beginning of each chapter, and love the message! I really hope you publish!
God Bless
Tanya

Christian! This is great. I've read the first four chapters in a blink, your writing flows really smoothiy, Jesus, talk about life changing moments I really enjoyed the read so far.

Paul.

Hi Christian

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Christian Rogue,

I love the premise of Beastia and just finished the first chapter! To start, Bek is a fantastic main character and it is great getting into your book through her mindset in the first chapter! We see her through this stuck-up light and then watch her begin to shatter when she gets the call about her dad and Jo-Ann breaks the news to her about what happened with the train. My heart wrenched when I read this and suddenly I realized that this would be the thing that sent her downward. I love the idea that she will become a beast and that we will see if a guy could love her!

Great twist on a classic tale! I can't wait to return for more and I've starred Beastia highly and have added it to me wl. Thank you so much for the enjoyable read and for your time with The Ark of Humanity!

Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

The pitch did nothing for me- my first impression was, that it was a knock-off of the recent young adult fiction "Beastly", but after reading some of the other comments on here, I am interested and will add this to my watchlist. Will come back again and read when I have some time to relax.

I started reading this before Christmas, but didn't get far enough to make a comment. I've now read four chapters and feel I can offer my thoughts.

This is a unique story idea, and from the beginning is gritty and harsh, which I think older YA readers will appreciate.

Like some others have already commented, I felt the first two chapters don't reflect the quality of your later writing. I had some issues with Bek's reaction to her father's death, for example, in that she didn't seem to react much to it. Even if she didn't believe it, she should have been more worried on some level (even if it was just a shallow level, such as that this sort of thing just didn't happen to someone like her).

I also didn't really understand why doctors would leave the piercings in. If it was that they believed she'd done it to herself, this needed to be a little clearer for me.

In many places, I felt that perhaps you are holding back a bit too much. There often seemed more that could be said or revealed in many of the scenes. This could be something you're doing on purpose to create mystery, but I felt that it was perhaps a bit too exaggerated. I wanted just enough to round out the characters and lead me to read on.

There are some issues with punctuation which, when fixed, will add clarity and smoothness to your prose. But these can be worked out with an editor.

As I said, your writing gets stronger as you progress, so probably by the time you come back to the early chapters to do some editing, you will make the changes required to make it really shine. Very well done. Highly starred.

Wow, this left me dry mouthed, wide eyed as I read the first two chapters. No one deserved what happened to her, no matter how bad she was. It was interesting how, when she was looking at herself in the mirror, it went to 3rd person, because she couldn't believe it was her. Well done. I was too into the story to find any errors. That is a huge compliment! you are a story teller. Great job! Highly starred. I will be watching you rise to the ranks. You will remain in my WL as support for your work.
I'll be back to read more!
Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

Hi there

Enjoyable reading. It's easier to paint in black and white, but a whole lot more meaningful in shades of grey. Your writing of the main character successfully challenges the reader's early judgements. A novel you may like that plays on the same principle is "And the Ass Saw the Angel" by Nick Cave. It's pretty hardcore but challenges the reader in a similar way to your book.

Review: BEASTIA

I've read all you have posted, most of it in a single day, and I must say that this is the first YA book on authonomy that I have desperately wanted to see published in order to put it in the hands of my pre-teen daughter. From the content to the unusual characters to the quirky narrative voice, this is a fresh and brutally honest piece of art. Ignoring the occasional grammatical errors or word substitutions, I found myself crying one moment and laughing aloud the next. The driving moral message behind this story is EXACTLY what every girl should hear and understand.

I will admit that I was put off by chapter one and almost missed the opportunity to read Beastia. I don't know how to fix that since the very thing that put me off is the same catalyst from which the plot launches. In summary, this manuscript feels too real to be fiction and I hope against hope that this has not been based in your life experiences. It isn't a fairy tale. Thank you for being authentic.

6 stars & backed,
SW
Devil Went Down

What? You been watching me? I have a boyfriend named Brett, drive a pink Mercedes, have a black belt, and was validectorian, but I wear size 3 and my hair is naturally blonde. Just kidding, my boyfriends name is Brad not Brett. Anyway, great book, I'm assuming I'm getting a cut since it's about me. :)

Please finish it! This is an amazing tale.

A very good and very engaging story. Interesting idea how this horrid preppy girl transforms into this dark creature.

The only thing I have a problem with is the few small grammar errors that dotted about the place. Missing words and punctuation, or extra punctuation where it doesn't need to be. Easily fixed with an editor. As mentioned in other comments, the first chapter seems a little bit strange, as though it was written by someone else. This might be what you're going for, if so then it's perfectly done.

Also, very first paragraph, the words "reeled off" sounded a little... out of place. To me, "reeled off" is when someone recites something, as in "She reeled the list off perfectly" not a way to push someone out of the way. Just my opinion though, take it with a pinch of salt :)
Very enjoyable, highly starred.

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

I love this! I bet you saw Beastly. That movie was SWEEEEEEEEEEET! Anyways, shouldn't someone be there to tell her how to break the curse?

Christian,

As I read the first chapter, I was intrigued and completely disliked your Bec...this hooked me as I couldn't imagine why you wanted to turn your readers against her.

I loved the way you switched my feelings around and by the third chapter I wanted to find out what happened to her...that to me is good writing.

Thoroughly nasty but I think that will completely appeal to your audience. Rated and on watchlist until I have room on my shelf.

Tracey The Crossings

BEASTIA

Hi Christian,
Nice twists and unexpected surprises. Love the beginning of the transformation in the first chapter. Engaging. On my shelf.

Jan
Fringe of Darkness

Immediately I was drawn to the story and taken in by the horrible main character whose life changes so abruptly. I love how you write all of this and keep me wanting more. I want to keep reading like a bad car accident on the road that you slow down to stare at. I love in chapter 2 where you shift the voice to "her" and represent the creature she's become. Nicely done.

I would argue, though, that perhaps the first chapter is a bit too abrupt. I am a little at odds with her character going in feeling some sort of concern for this crying girl and then the train wreck phone call happens and I get a bit thrown.

I also noticed when her kidnapper says "I'll take care you..." maybe it should say "I'll take care of you"
and when it says "Beastia was marked her neck" maybe should read "Beastia was marked on her neck"

These are minor- I really love the way you write. Got through to chapter 3 and I will be reading more for sure. If you feel like it, or have the time, you could check out War of the Wastelands. I would appreciate any comments you may have.

Sara

Christian, I read the first ten chapters of Beastia today on my mobile phone during a long train journey - I only put it away when the battery started to fail.

I love the cover art, says it all really. The short pitch is to the point and the long pitch intrigues. I don't have a lot of specific commentary to make in terms of grammar etc - your writing is very good and well polished. However, the one thing that didn't ring quite true was the speech of the grown up characters/ characters in a position of responsibility. You have clearly tried to differentiate between youth speak and adult speak however sometimes the adult parts can sound a bit clunky and unrealistic.

Bek/ Beastia's voice is strong and your sympathy is immediately gained when nobody visits her in hospital. However, I do have a couple of issues with the first few chapters. As somebody else pointed out, piercings and tattoos and hair dyeing all take time, suggesting that she was held captive for a period. Perhaps a plot device such as her drifting in and out of consciousness would help to signpost the time passing and hint at the horrors to emerge later. Also, I know she has tattoos on her face etc but would Jo-Ann really not recognise the most popular girl from school who bullied her? I find that a stretch - surely her voice would be the same if nothing else - but not so much that I wouldn't want to read on!

Overall I think that this is a great take on a classic story. I desperately hope that Beastia gets her man!

Best of luck, shelved and highly starred, Marns

Beastia.
By Christian Rogue.

The expressions from the girls, together with their small talk and bitchiness is great.
They fit in with the characters and youth of today.
I also like some of the phrases used such as :- …so I slid next to her on the bench…
Very nice.
Bek’s p.o.v comes over nicely, in fact this is well written and interesting.
Just a couple of small things below, nothing much.

…”Move it, fattie!”… capital F required.
…”Don’t. Ever. Talk. About. My. Father. Again.”
It may read better with :- “Don’t…ever…talk…about…my…father…again.” (just a thought).

Your punctuation seems to be at the top end of the scale…I wish mine was.
I find your book to be a very good storyline, plenty of effort to get things right on your part.
I honestly like the writing style and the story itself . I wish you the best with it.
Lots of stars and will shelve when I can.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

ummm I don't know if it's just me and my internet acting up today, but I think chapter six and seven are the same.
Love the book so far, caught my interest right away! Very well written.

Dear Christian,

Wow, I did not expect that! Of course, I expected the typical accident after her drunken splurge, rendering a disfigured teen as the result. I certainly did not anticipate an attacker who not only cut her up, but who also cut and dyed her hair, pierced her and tattooed her. Now that is an imaginative tale of horror! I only read the first two chapters but you bet I am keeping this on my WL and will be reading more later. I also want to shelve this one and will do so when I shuffle the bookshelf around, because I really love it. Six stars, and thanks for the wonderful read. Six stars.

This should be required reading for all teens.

Rebecca
~Askival
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38264/askival/
Over eleven thousand teens vanish in one day. This is the story of where they went.

Wow! Kick butt! Excellent dialogue, character development, and pacing...
I Just finished reading the first chapter. It's a whirlwind from start to finish!
This is headed to my WL for further attention... and then my shelf, I'm sure.

I read two chapters, but up until now, I really love it. The writing gets to me and makes it easy to flow through. I am definitely going to keep reading! :)

This is great stuff. I have made it to chapter 9 and I will read more later, but I wanted to give you some comments before I forget. When I read the first chapter I thought this book was going in a totally different direction. Like in an ABC afterschool special type of direction. However, when I made past this the book went in a totally different direction, a way cooler direction. I like how you have built her little network of friends and 'family'. I have a few comments though.

* I know I am only on chapter 9, but I would have kind of liked a just a little blurb on how she and Jo-Ann became friends.

* Several places in the book you use the phrase "I go back to the back" can't you just say "I go to the back". I this flows a little better

* When Bestia goes into the therapist (Ch 5?) she faces away from the doctor, but she says that she sees the therapist smile or smirk. If she is facing away from her how can she see this. Maybe I didn't understand the seating arrangement.

I think this is great I usually don't make it this far into people's books. I have some other return reads to do, but I will be back. I am sending a bunch o' stars your way.

Hi Christian,
You writing style is easy to read and dialogue seems to be your strong area. I liked the strength of the opening chapter. It shows the MCs personality right off the bat through her thoughts, dialogue and interactions. The one thing I had a lot of trouble with: I feel the train incident was played down though. Mourning the death of a parent would take priority, in my mind, over getting in trouble for being suspended. I would not be punishing my teenager when her dad just got killed even if she did something worth suspending her over (I have three teens). But perhaps that is just me.

Other than that I love the ruthlessness of your MC and the story line. Your writing definitely conjured up visuals in my head. Love the title!

Marla
AFTER

Hi Christian,

I’m here for our read swap. I love the originality of the pitches, but I wonder if it tells enough. For instance, “A tale is old as time” is a bit cliché and doesn’t say a thing to me. I’m guessing you’re referencing Disney’s version of Beauty and the Beast, but that wasn’t part of the original story. But, overall, it works, because it drew me :). I love that it’s minimal and impactful, though I’m not a fan of the ellipses.

Chapter 1
“Everything was mine,” is different than saying “I had it all.” Was everything actually hers? Because now I’m thinking she’s the female version of Bill Gates.

Otherwise, I really don’t have much to add. This is very well written, and while I’m not a huge expert on YA, I love the fast-paced nature of it and the storyline. Plus, you build the main character very well. This is unique and a pleasure to read. I have a list of books I intend to back and I’ll add this to that list. Might be a bit, but I’ll give it some shelf time at some point.

Best of luck with this! I look forward to hearing your thoughts on my story.

All the best,
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

I definetly like your style of writing. I mean at times it just seems a little too overboard, but that catches with me.

Maybe it is because you can tell the power within the charecter, I am not to sure. At first I thought she was just a total and honest complete bitch, and you captured that so, so well.

I think the time she is the hospital might need to be drawn out, and maybe she find out who did what they did to her.

It kind of makes me wonder, how did they tattoo her, and dye her hair, and cut it. I mean it takes awhile just to do all that alone. I imagine the tattoos alone would take forever if they are all over. That is what makes it seem a little over dramatic and strong. Some where you might want to make a basis to how much pain she is, or how long it took them to scar her so badly for her to be the monster she is. To transform and step into character. With so many stiches, tattoos, piercings, etc. it might make her pain come off more believable to the reader.

But it depends on what you want to do. This is my basis on just reading the first two chapters though, and you may have incorporated that all into the next thirteen chapters. I apologize if you have.

I must read on then.

Eloravelle

This is awesome. I really don't know what else to say. I've seen this done in the sense of the guy being the 'beast' but I love how you've flipped it! I'd have bought this in the store without blinking an eye. The writing is strong as well, very descriptive and I quickly felt like I knew the characters. I honestly don't know what to say other than I loved it and this is extremely marketable right now so good luck and get to selling it! haha Starred for now and shelved soon!!

Missy

I read your first chapter and I loved it. Your dialogue is excelllent and descriptions even better. I am putting this on my watchlist until I have more time to read more. Very much enjoyed what I read so far.

Helen

Comment #2

I've had a throng of incoming reading calls the last two days and decided to comment here on the 10 chapter basis. I 'll finish the excerpt at some point but in my own time.

Here it goes.
Excellent premise. As I said earlier I didn't expect to like it so much. Your MC is extra-dimensional and clear cut. The way -and the pace more importantly- you bring Bek to the new state of being was very well given. It was creative, realistic and inventive.

The characters you introduce in the "three years later" chapters and on, are colorful and well-thought of. The reactions of Beastia to the "personal space invasion" of ...well, everyone, made me feel right next to her. You also take the time to set an environment very close to how it would-have-been with the two police officers. Every concern of the new Bek is spot on, in my opinion. The weight discussions, the cynical approach, the relationship advice of the psychotherapist.

A few points I want to address, out of which you may discard the ones you find useless.

- (in the beginning) “Her spike could probably kill someone or at the very least knock them unconscious.” Probably a bit over the top as a description. A football player's kick could do this... a sixteen year old girl's spike..eeh. Not important, just a phrase that put me off in the beginning and it's not even about the MC, it's about her then best friend. Cant recall her name, I move on.

-The first time she looks at her self in the hospital is where you should give the description of the stitches and all… It didn't work well by leaving me wonder what had happened. And it would be better to give the description along with the numbers PLUS a reaction in the hospital. I strongly suggest this.

- After I read well into the story where Will enters and they get to know each other I felt it began to slow down a bit. You have a great pace till then and you change into discussions over discussions showing how tough it is over and over again. I don't know what to suggest here , cause I didn't keep any notes being too hooked in. But from chapter 7 to 10, it felt different.

-Chapters 7 to 10 again. I was dumbfounded when you said that Jo-Ann worked in the chinese place too. I said "Wow! Brilliant!" In chapter 7 she meets Will and in there somewhere you say that it was Beastia that found Jo-Ann the job (right?). I didn't get the premise of them not knowing each other. You present the case later that they have a private talk and there Beastia lets out the secret. I didn't get it. There are things that two persons cannot forget for one another. The sense of one being around you, the style, even the tone of the voice or a specific gesture. These things are part of an image in ones mind and one cannot get rid of them even if the other gets to have a new face. I wouldn't take it for granted.
Even if you choose to keep their meeting the way it is, consider confirming earlier the fact that Jo-Ann has no clue about Beastia being Bek. Say it if you haven't (have you said it? Have I missed it? I really felt lost there).

That's all from me... :) 6 stars and in line for the shelf.

Yannis

Christian

As a norm I find it very hard to get into a book if it starts with teenagers, or high school settings etc. Beastia was a wonderful exception. The charachters are well formed from the start. The strength of emotions felt by teens is beautifully captured. Your narrative gently leads the reader onto exporing more, without being forceful or stylised. I have thoroughly enjoyed this, and given it a high star rating. Its on my watchlist to hopefully go on my bookshelf in the next few days.

I have just finished uploading new chapters of my book - Malford - I would love it if you could have a read and tell me what you think.

Good luck with Beastia, your book is going to do very well.
Samragi

Did I ever tell you that you have THE BEST, draw-me-in, so-I can't-look-away , PITCH? :)

Your opening paragraphs are a great read. Nice and to the point, but keeps the reader wanting more. I really like the part in the gym with the quick volleyball scene. "Her spike could probably kill someone or at the very least knock them unconscious." I know from experience what that is like. The dialogue seems realistic which is good, it keeps the pace moving well. I like how you show the other side of her perfect world. "Their eyes bugged out the moment they realized the most popular girl in school was handcuffed and being walked down the hall by the security guards." I think you could add just a little bit more description on the principal, hair color, eye color maybe. Interesting transition into chapter two. "I thrust myself up and began pacing the room like a caged lion." good imagery. I do note that when her mother tells her her father is dead, maybe a bit more emotion, just because I know that is my father had just been killed I probably would have been a little more upset then just struggling to breathe and stepping back. I might use began to hyperventilate. It would help the reader out a little better with the character emotions. "A shiver convulsed through my body." Another great image for the reader. Your writing style is great and this is well written. Interesting how she turns into Beastia, it sounds painful, really painful. Overall I really enjoyed your writing and look forward to continuing on when I have more time. Best of luck.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

So I read the first chapter. I have to admit that at first I was like, "Oh great, another teen angst book" but then as I read I I got super into it and found I was wayyy off. This book is dark and deep. I'm going to add it to my watch list so I can read it all later.

Dialogue was smooth and characters were well rounded. A very enjoyable read and I'd say I'd wish you luck on getting to the editors desk, but I don't think you need luck, you are on your way for sure. Keep up the good work!

Missing here is a sense of place, of knowing where we are going
Second some connective tissue between the dialogue helps also
The reader needs images to visualize dialogue

Chistian!

I entered chapter 7 of your upload today... what an engaging story! I will be finishing it in a couple of days probably, but I thought I should say a thing or two before.

You are nailing the psychological aspect of Bek. It all has a great pace and all aspects of Bek's life after the "event" are so prolific! I never thought I'd like a story such as this. 6 stars for now, and if it keeps going this way I'll have to find you a spot on my shelf :)

I'll comment again in a couple of days offering suggestions for certain parts that could use minor changes-in my opinion.

Yannis