The Fantastical Adventures of Tommy Teal. The Little Boy Whose Dreams Are Real

Lisa

I have now read the first three Tommy Teal adventures and what follows is my honest opinion thus far. This crit is separate from all the banter and fun, I want you to know that whilst I like to “play” on the forums, I take my reading and writing very seriously so you can be assured that these are my genuine thoughts and not some divergent ploy to gain your approval.

Short Pitch:

Great, draws me in and hooks up to the parental tradition of reading to your children, I have read to my own two children for many a year and children’s fiction plays such an important role in moulding the minds of young children – in many ways it is the most important fictional genre simply because it precedes all the others.

Long Pitch:

Again the long pitch works really well and fleshes out the premise nicely – it reminded me of Mr Ben in that it uses a magical artefact to trigger the adventures. You also have a very clever tie in with the act of sleeping as the method of going on the adventure which in turn will give those reading it the feeling of going on an adventure themselves as they drop off to sleep.

Ok – the stories

The first one, which to me acts like a framing story as Tommy turns six is well constructed and you have the language children need, the voice also. I asked my youngest son (9) to read it and he breezed through it with a smile. Your sentence construction is good given that children need bright images and clear intentions in a tale – they need fantastic metaphors and easy to follow, action/fun dialogue. You deliver all these things Lisa and you deliver them well.

Love the big Achoo – typography is something children get into and a great way to get them to join in the story, recreating the sounds. It’s all about sparking their imagination – sparking an interest which should stay with them for life.

The Carless King:

I loved it. Honestly. It’s just right for a young child. Not too long, simple enough to follow, never boring you carry it along with cheerful and colourful desrcriptives, a great sense of actual adventure and a nice tale of the silly old king leaving his crown in a cupboard!! Its nursery rhyme style fantasy and that is a very good thing for they also carry along a child’s mind to fantastic places – with children it’s so important to give them just enough for their minds to do the rest, for them to colour in the gaps between the words and that is what you do – you give them a well delivered framework that’s breezy and fresh and full of wonderment.

The Runaway Balloon:

You really are excellent at this – again the framing intro that ties all the stories together and now we are in a runaway balloon, soaring way too high. And the wow style dialogue and fun carries it along until Tommy saves the day with the cheese sandwich on top of the balloon so that the seagull lands on it and pecks a whole in it!! Clever. But better yet and so important for children is the fact that they win the highest balloon prize and Tommy gets the cup – rewards are another trigger for children, as is the moral karma of everyone winning something and everyone being ok. Wonderful stuff, hand on heart I love these stories.

I will be back to finish the book – for now time is short. I have truly enjoyed these tales Lisa, not a word of the above is anything other than my sincerest thoughts, I steer clear of line edit style crits as they belong to a different style of reading though that said, if there were any typo’s, I couldn’t see them.

A superb collection of children’s fiction, magical and mystical and just the sort of thing for bedtime, I can’t begin to tell you how important good children’s fiction is, for it is the acorn from which mighty oak trees grow.
Six stars and when any of the books I have on my shelf make the desk, I will back you all the way.

Best Wishes and good luck

Rob

Hi Lisa,

I think I've found your number one fan! My four year old son Jake! He just loves your stories. I usually read him a book at night either in bed or infront of the fire. I asked him last night "what would like to have tonight; The Guffalo? Cat In The Hat? The Owl Who Was Afraid Of The Dark? Where The Wild Things Are? Or hows about one of your Percy The Park Keepr Ones?"

"Can you read me one of those off the Pong-uter (this is how he says computer!) again Daddy?" he said. He meant your book as I read it from the laptop to him one night. We have read five of your adventures so far and he likes The Tired Old Scarecrow best of all, he laughed at the name Patches and he said that that was him.

Like I said I read childrens books to my son everynight and we go to the libary three times a month and I must admit your story telling for that age group is amoungst the greatest. The stories are written by a highly talented writer, the words roll off the tongue perfectly and go into the ears like sweet honey and fill your insides with a warm fuzzy feeling.

They are great stories and are a nice change to the old "Once Upon A Times" each tale can be told as individule stories which I find great.

Overall; great writting, very creative stories, very readable, bang on description (I hate too much!) If this ever got published I would defo buy it and it would take pride of place on Jakes shelf.

Kind Regards,

Paul Carter Jones

Ps I've rated you 5 stars.

i really like this which is rare for me because i dont particulairly enjoy reading childrens books. i usually have to force myself through the first chapter, but with this, i didnt have to. if i had kids, i could actually imagine myself reading this to them and not being bored. your cover is fun to look at - i just wish the cover was bigger so i could see more. i like your pitches as well and i can see many children enjoying this kind of read. highly rated and good luck with this,
melissa :)
Gut Instincts

A magical picture book, this is unique and adorable Lisa. Perfect for bedtime, and guaranteed to bring pleasant dreams to any child. I read the first story of The Unhappy Astronaut and loved it. Your descriptions are vivid and they had me floating in space with Tommy. Great job Lisa, and good luck with your enchanting tales.
God Bless,
Dana P. Finding Xanadu and The Journey Home

This just received 6 stars from me! Absolutely enchanting! I am assuming that in complete form, it will be illustrated, and this series of stories is one that I would buy in its entirety and keep, telling over and over again. Well done!

Hi Lisa,
(You see, it took me two days to get to you, ye of little faith!)
I read chapter 8. Your stories are perfectly pitched for 3-5 year olds. Just the right sort of stories to read aloud at bedtime before they start reading chapter books on their own.
Tommy's thoughts and voice are very well observed, authentic and believeable. I really felt as though I was in his shoes. Some more smell/taste/sound words would help with this also. Would have liked to have more of an idea of what the garden he was in was like. Just an extra sentence or two.
Apart from that, no niggles whatsoever, your writing flows smoothly and feels like just the sort of thing I've seen in story collections for this age group and which I have read to my 3 sons. Also reminds me of the wonderful series "Mr Benn" which I watched as a child and which my kids still love.
5 stars from me.
All the best,
Sharda.
Please take a look at mine when you get the chance. No pressure.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Lisa

I have now read the first three Tommy Teal adventures and what follows is my honest opinion thus far. This crit is separate from all the banter and fun, I want you to know that whilst I like to “play” on the forums, I take my reading and writing very seriously so you can be assured that these are my genuine thoughts and not some divergent ploy to gain your approval.

Short Pitch:

Great, draws me in and hooks up to the parental tradition of reading to your children, I have read to my own two children for many a year and children’s fiction plays such an important role in moulding the minds of young children – in many ways it is the most important fictional genre simply because it precedes all the others.

Long Pitch:

Again the long pitch works really well and fleshes out the premise nicely – it reminded me of Mr Ben in that it uses a magical artefact to trigger the adventures. You also have a very clever tie in with the act of sleeping as the method of going on the adventure which in turn will give those reading it the feeling of going on an adventure themselves as they drop off to sleep.

Ok – the stories

The first one, which to me acts like a framing story as Tommy turns six is well constructed and you have the language children need, the voice also. I asked my youngest son (9) to read it and he breezed through it with a smile. Your sentence construction is good given that children need bright images and clear intentions in a tale – they need fantastic metaphors and easy to follow, action/fun dialogue. You deliver all these things Lisa and you deliver them well.

Love the big Achoo – typography is something children get into and a great way to get them to join in the story, recreating the sounds. It’s all about sparking their imagination – sparking an interest which should stay with them for life.

The Carless King:

I loved it. Honestly. It’s just right for a young child. Not too long, simple enough to follow, never boring you carry it along with cheerful and colourful desrcriptives, a great sense of actual adventure and a nice tale of the silly old king leaving his crown in a cupboard!! Its nursery rhyme style fantasy and that is a very good thing for they also carry along a child’s mind to fantastic places – with children it’s so important to give them just enough for their minds to do the rest, for them to colour in the gaps between the words and that is what you do – you give them a well delivered framework that’s breezy and fresh and full of wonderment.

The Runaway Balloon:

You really are excellent at this – again the framing intro that ties all the stories together and now we are in a runaway balloon, soaring way too high. And the wow style dialogue and fun carries it along until Tommy saves the day with the cheese sandwich on top of the balloon so that the seagull lands on it and pecks a whole in it!! Clever. But better yet and so important for children is the fact that they win the highest balloon prize and Tommy gets the cup – rewards are another trigger for children, as is the moral karma of everyone winning something and everyone being ok. Wonderful stuff, hand on heart I love these stories.

I will be back to finish the book – for now time is short. I have truly enjoyed these tales Lisa, not a word of the above is anything other than my sincerest thoughts, I steer clear of line edit style crits as they belong to a different style of reading though that said, if there were any typo’s, I couldn’t see them.

A superb collection of children’s fiction, magical and mystical and just the sort of thing for bedtime, I can’t begin to tell you how important good children’s fiction is, for it is the acorn from which mighty oak trees grow.
Six stars and when any of the books I have on my shelf make the desk, I will back you all the way.

Best Wishes and good luck

Rob

Great tales for tots,

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

I can't say I know very much about children's books, but as far as the premise and general charm of the idea I think it works very well. I imagine it would come with colourful illustrations and be a very winning package.

The beginning bit was perhaps rather long and took quite a while to get to his dreams. Since not very much happened apart from the opening presents bit, other than fairly normal stuff, it might be worth considering condensing it a bit.

I was a little confused how if he opened his presents from smallest to biggest, including a bike, why the last present was the book, unless it is a massive tome.

The line: Yes he is, but i don't think he's any good at it, though
I think 'but' and 'though' are doing the same job, so one should go. Try reading the line without one or the other and it will still make sense.

I don't know if many kids say "Cor" anymore (more's the pity). Makes it sound a bit dated. He also uses "Wow" a lot. If this is intentional, that's fine.

I thought the first look at the book maybe could have done with a little more. The rocket, sub, dinosaur thing made it seem cool, but not necessarily Wow unless you go into a little more detail. The "loads and loads and loads" line also felt a bit like you ran out of what else to put in there. If you want the child reading this to feel the way Tommy does I would suggest reallys selling the idea of this wonderful book. Maybe add the way it looks, feels, colours, or possibly have the pictures more vivid or unusual. A space rocket jumping off the page, a submarine that feels wet, a dinosaur that roars. None of those may be appropriate, but I just mean to find a way to get some of what Tommy feels across to the reader.

At the moment you rely on Tommy's reactions to convey how amazing the book is, and I think you could show a bit more of that rather than tell us through him.

The stories themselves are clever and vibrant, with nice unexpected moments. I think you've done an excellent job there.

Hello Lisa--

book--The fantastical adventures of Tommy Teal-the little boy whose dreams are real'

Magical cover - so full of brightness- brought me in to read this children's story-

Read all 10 chapters posted- and what can I say- well- they all held me spellbound-
It's a very entertaining and feel good read and will of course do the same for children when read
to them at bedtime-

They will like the way the ROAARS and HELLOOOOO 's are set out for mums and dads to say it slowly to them-
I can see this book going to the editors desk and i wish you good luck Lisa

Tom Bye
book- from hugs to kisses-
pleas glance at my childs story as he grows up between the ages of 4 to 14- It's true- really

These are great stories.
You have really hit the mark with the age range you've aimed at. I can see these stories being read to children inschools or even made into cartoons.
You have a great imagination and obviously know what sort of things children like to hear about.
Great stuff!!!! High stars!!!!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

What a fantastic children's book. It has just the right balance to keep both the youngster and the parent interested in what might happen next. This is obviously a far cry from what I usually read but I enjoyed it so much I am going to read it to my daughter tonight. I think she will love it as well. I will write again and let you know what she thought. I can't wait to see what the forgetful fireman is all about as I'm a firefighter myself. I am going to give this one six stars and I plan to keep it in my WL to share. Thanks.

Very well done Lisa. I think you will capture the imagination of children well with this. I can hardly wait till my granddaughter grows up, so that I can read this to her (she will be one-year-old next month) but I'm sure it will be in print by the time she's ready for it. It is good to read a fellow childrens author work,there's not many of us on here, and I think we need all the support we can give each other. So I have highly starred it and put on my WL until I get space to shelve it. Very well done. Wishing you all the best with it.
Brian.

Well done Lisa, you'll certainly capture childrens imagination with this one. I can hardly wait till my grand-daughter grows up a bit to read this to her ( she'll be one next month) but I'm sure it will be in print by the time she is ready for it. It is good to read a fellow childrens writers work. I have given you high stars and on my WL until I get a chance to put it on my shelf. Very well done.
Brian.

My only experience of children's books is from being a child once - a long time ago and having four children. I spent ages reading books to them when they were too young to read so most of my experience is for a younger age group than this. So, Ignore my comments if you don't agree.
The story is essentially excellent. The bringing to gether of the absent mystical uncle and the book that makes dreams true I think is a super theme. I just wondered whether a more technical and modern feel to the submarine might have made the tale have an increased depth. My children loved to play with new words. They also appreciated learning about new technology when it appeared in their stories.
That said, although it dates your story a little, the imgination you show is very creditable.
I found myself wondering which age group you are aiming at. For a six year old it seems a bit long, but for older kids, maybe the story is a bit young. Don't know about that.
Either way, the first story (which I read) is very nicely written and there are no major flaws in it.
I did wonder a little if there is enough here to stand out against all the current children's stories on the market.
On the whole, I like this very much.
Backed.

Darling tales. What a great premise.
One tiny thing...I have a seven year old niece who is quite advanced, and she still talks with a slightly different sentence structure than adults. Sometimes Tommy sounds quite grown up...
I can just imagine the crazy colorful illustrations to go with this.
Well done. Everyone wants to write a children's book but not many pull it off without sounding trite.

Hello Lisa,

"The Fantastical Adventures of Tommy Teal. The Little Boy Whose Dreams Are Real" is as perfect and simple a book can get for the children's genre. I have read the first two stories and this book will surely touch the imagination of many young readers. There are no corrections as far as the language and grammar are concerned but if there has to be any changes done to the book, I would suggest if you can end the novel by linking all the adventures of Tommy to some moral which the children can learn. Just a thought.

Venkatarama

Lisa,
My six year old loves your stories. We're on number nine and need more :)
Good work.
Raul

Dear Lisa,

I love this charming, delightful piece!

Your short pitch and long pitch are perfect, and your chapter titles are creative and fun! You have some great details (ie: "soggy cornflakes") that allow an instant connection with children. Also, I'm sure every parent will greatly appreciate the bedtime theme. The closing of each chapter is remarkably done, providing such a pleasant cohesiveness to the overall book. Love it! Starring this highly and wishing you every success.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

I read all chapters of this excellent children's book, which I am sure will be a big hit with them, they were with me, but hang on I am 72 on the 29th of this month (no that must have been a dream) 6******

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

These are really lovely read-aloud stories that children will enjoy. Adults will also enjoy reading them to their little ones. The main theme of dreams lends itself to a bedtime read. Magical work. Candy.

I am enjoying this . I have a similar but very different one (ha ha, if you know what I mean) with Princess Haggis Ears and other adventures in the land of Soss. I found myself reading on and on as you have a good pace and flow and the dialogue is believable. Hope you do well with it. 6 stars and backed

Cor!

As a twenty-five-year-old man with no children, I really didn't think your stories would be suitable for me. However, the way you described Tommy's adventures took me back to my childhood (I too dreamed of impossible adventures and loved soggy corn flakes).

I truly think your stories would be well-loved by children, and when you get published there'll be a lot of little ones hugging your books tight at night after crawling into bed early in the hopes that an amazing adventure awaits them.

I'm happy to back your book, award it six stars and wish you the best of luck finding publication. I'll be looking for your work when I have little ones of my own.

Please take a look at my own submission, The Keeper of the Sightless Eye, when you find the time. It's very different from your own work, so please keep an open mind!

Thanks
David Southam

Hi Lisa! Terrifc! I enjoyed it alot! I think my daughter would enjoy this too, I'm going to have her give it a read. Gave ya 5 stars!
Francesca, God Made Me Yummy

I never read children's books on here but was led to yours by another comment I caught sight of. You have a truly winning formula here with the idea of the dreams and the repetition of some of the words each time. I love Tommy's catchphrase of 'Trust me.' and can imagine it becoming something a lot of children say to each other in the playground after reading your books. My grandson would definitely gobble this book up and 'Trust me.' would be his latest craze. I read the first three stories. Only two suggestions. 1. That each time, he just says 'Trust me;' and smiles. 2. In the Balloon story, they know that they have gone higher than all the other balloons so maybe you could alter that a bit maybe to read 'Of course they had gone highter than all the other balloons so they won the prize.' something like that. But what a lovely book. Are you submitting it to agents?

Ms. Lisa, this is Dreamsearcher/Maradjen, this is absolutely fantastic. Other than some minor lack of punctuation in a few spots, this has got to be the best thing that I have read so far on this site...and the most charming. It almost made me feel like a child again, which, given the fact that I am *le sigh* fast approaching my fifty fourth year, was a definite bonus...and a very nice way to start my day.

I have not actual children, but if this goes to print, I would like to know where to get a copy...for the child inside my heart.

blessings and highest admiration for this wonderful book,

dreamsearcher/maradjen

author of "THE IMAYRAN CHRONICLES"

delightful change. not my target audience, but engaging stories.
j
what every woman should know

Read adventure one and two to my daughter she loved it. I love children's books and this is well written and quirky. Will read on and give it some well deserved stars.

A very nice reading which could be termed as highly remarkable and deserves 6 stars. Will put it on my book shelf soon.

This is a great story books for kids. The little hero has great adventures but gets to use his imagination and ingenuity. For example Tommy uses pepper in an imaginative way to save himself at sea. (And I've sailed in a submarine, too!)

He helps an absent-minded king, a flying policeman, a forgetful fireman, an anxious astronaut, a dentist-deprived dinosaur, and others. The best part is that in each one, Tommy (and your child) have to figure out how to solve a problem. Outstanding!

Backed with childish pleasure.

Hi Lisa,

I like what you've done here. The stories are engaging and just the right length to hold a child's attention. You've also got the language spot on I think - nothing too simple nor advanced.

Good read, from one children's author to another!

Lee Connor
"Elton: The Different Kookaburra"

Hi Lisa,
I like the idea behind these stories. I could almost see them as a graded reading series for infant school children, perhaps if the language was simplified. Obviously not what you are intending, but the idea just came to me! Anyway, back to your book. Great idea, lovely simple language. Nice idea for bedtime stories. Well done!
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Hi Lisa,
I had a look at some of your stories. I thought they were beautifully written with wonderful imagery, fun and excitement. The device of beginning each dream with the same paragraph is great. I can imagine children reciting it before each tale. And also the treasures placed on Tommy’s windowsill is a lovely idea.
Have you written a scene where Tommy gets the present from his uncle? It might help to frame the whole book.
Great title as well!
Best of luck with it.
Andrew.
The Morning Drop

Hi, Lisa,
Sorry for taking so long returning your read...I'm so far behind!
I read the first two stories and I must say, they are really cute. I can easily imagine them as a series of children's picture books. The repetition of ideas (the twirling tunnel as he enters and leaves his dream, the new treasure in hand at the end of each story) will make this appealing to young children, and perhaps make them actually want to go to bed each night, so that they can have their own dream adventures, just like Tommy.
All in all, a wonderful idea for children's stories.
Best of luck!
Emily

Lisa,

Despite not being a member of your target audience (nearly fifty years too late, sadly!) I thought I would let you know that I've taken a look at your Tommy Teal stories. I think they are perfect little gems of story telling, and I am sure children love them. Good luck with Tommy's adventures, and have a Happy New Year.

John

Hi Lisa,
A long overdue return read - apologies for the delay!

I've now read four of the stories and can easily picture them as a series of books for bedtime. They're just the length I aim for with my 4 year old daughter. I did spot at least 1 error in each story - generally a missed word, a word in the wrong tense, or typo ("Cor", not "Core") - and if I were reading these aloud, I'd lose several of the "and"s. Young children talk like that, but don't necessarily want to read something written that way (or perhaps that's just me trying to get my children to learn grammar/decent English as they read/listen).

Best of luck with these; they're charming.

This is a delightful collection of adventures made for the most active imaginations of little ones everywhere. This author had me guessing what Tommy would find in his hand each time he awoke to his mum's call to breakfast. Wonderful story lines make way to a classic children's bedtime book, and I can just picture the illustrations in each story as Tommy lays his head down to sleep. The terminology in the last story needs to be corrected. Otherwise, superb! Highly scored for the children everywhere.

Thanks, Mr Wagner, terminology fixed.

Lisa. x

This is a delightful collection of adventures made for the most active imaginations of little ones everywhere. This author had me guessing what Tommy would find in his hand each time he awoke to his mum's call to breakfast. Wonderful story lines make way to a classic children's bedtime book, and I can just picture the illustrations in each story as Tommy lays his head down to sleep. The terminology in the last story needs to be corrected. Otherwise, superb! Highly scored for the children everywhere.

Hi Lisa

I read the first three stories in your book of ten. I like them. I am amused by them, and that the concept carries forward to the next story. I am pleased that your nephew liked them. Highly rated.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

I've read quite a few of your stories and the quality is consistant. As short story writer, I can tell you that, short stories are not considered marketable by mainstream publishers unless you are already famous. What I can't tell you is if the same holds true for childrens books.

When reading, I tried to imagine I was reading them to my grandchildren and I got the feeling they would enjoy them. I may be old, but I can remember stories my dad made up, usually surrounding an object that would give the object a magical feel. I got this impression from your first story with the pepper pot. I can imaging a parent saying to a child. "That's a memory for your pepper pot." ---- Magical stardust---- well done

Quite happy to give this a spin on my shelf.

I really liked your first chapter! What age group is this? There are so many words, so I was just wondering. You write very good. I didn't find any typos or grammatical errors. You edited your work very well.

This should go over really well! Good luck with it! I gave you 5 stars!

Sincerely, D. S. Hale

I'm really enjoying reading the adventures of Tommy. The style is great. I love how all of Tommy's adventures start and end in the same way and how the middles are so very creative and yet have that very unique child's logic which they think everyone has, like OF COURSE a king would wear a saucepan on his head because OF COURSE he must wear something on his head. This is just how my own kid thinks and it's super when an adult can capture that and retain that logic. Nice!
~Laura, "Simon Song, Healer's Apprentice."

I just read your first chapter, Lisa, and LOVED it! You asked whether I thought a 4 or 5 year old would enjoy these stories and the answer is a resounding "YES!" What an imagination you have - humming whales, waving eight times back to an octopus, and of course the most ingenious use of a pepper pot ever devised. You have a keen insight into a child's mind, and into what will kindle a child's imagination too, and with the benefit of illustrations I can see this doing very well.

I've read your other comments and have to concur - this should be in the bookshops right now. 6 stars from me.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

(my eye only stuck on two things: shouldn't 'Ay, ay' be 'Aye, aye'?....and I've always spelt 'stripy' as 'stripey'. Do you live in the States?

I so like the idea that it was the child who was able to turn the situation around, i think it is a winning idea for any small listened. Length of chapters about right . For children troubled by their dreams this is a very useful antidote. Could you cast your eyes over my book 'Jasmin Garibaldi lived in a Biscuit Factory .' I really value critical judgement.

Hi Lisa,
Fantastic stories. My grandchildren will absolutely love them. They are perfect for 3-5 year olds. I am giving you 6 stars. - Carole
ps - if you have time to have a quick look, I would love your opinion on my picture book.

It's so great to see a book for this age group that contains good length stories that children can enjoy reading with their parents. This is a crucial age to instill a love of books and reading in children, and this is the sort of book that will do just that. You have a lovely melodic voice that will appeal to children and keep them interested as they follow Tommy in his adventures. These would work well as a series of stand-alone books, or as one anthology.

Be a little careful of using clichés (even though for this genre it's more acceptable than with adult fiction) such as "as fast as his little legs could carry him" and "ever so [glad/grateful/etc]". Although these expressions are familiar to children from other books, it's a good chance to be original and offer them something new.

Very well done, and I hope to see these in print some day (my daughter will love them when she's old enough, I'm sure!).

First off, I should say that I am twenty-one so obviously these books would not be books that I would regularly read. By the end of the first adventure, I thought to myself, "my four year old godchild would love these books!" This book is the sort of side present I might buy him in addition to a larger present for Christmas and his birthday.

You know your readership well, your authorial (not sure if this is a word!) voice is striking and I love how it's formatted. The beginning and the ending are essentially what knit all of the tales together. "The stripy blue pyjamas", "the twirling tunnel with its bright flashing colours", his mum waking him from his dreams and how he retains a physical reminder of his dreams.

This is merely a suggestion but maybe you should write a small introduction to the book to set up the adventures that are to follow; how Tommy comes into possession of the book from the uncle he never knew he had. Maybe you do this later but I think it would really help the reader. Having said that, I will be backing this book and it will get six stars.

There was one mistake though that bugged me but it's only a minor one. " 'This is where I [will] keep all my memories from all of my adventures.' " In the first chapter, you use "will" but in your second and third chapters, you do not.

If you haven't already, write your cover letter and a short sypnosis along with the first three adventures and send this to every children's publisher that accept unsolicited manuscripts and every literary agency that deal with Children's Literature because I truly think you're on to a winner.

Best of luck,

Chris!

I read the first story and thought it was very cute. I especially like how it ended. Kids always love a little magical touch at the end. Think I will read the next one to my six year old son. Good Job!

This is cute. So very, very cute. Are you planning on putting in an introductory story of Tommy first receiving the magical book?

Reben

Fellow children's writer...I'm taking a peek at your stories and wondered if you would have time to possibly read my book? I'm new to authonomy but was "told" I should ask for read swaps so I'm asking! My book is for older children (10-14). It's called Escape...and has a similar feel as your first story--which I've read. I have put your stories on my watchlist and will get back to the rest soon. Georgia

Dear Lisa,

It was comforting to see the cyclical nature of your stories. The use of windowsill for the safe keeping of momentos rounded-off each tale nicely. Reminiscent of Mr Ben.

TFAOTT will be propular with your intended audience. Your pitch doesn't say age range, I'm guessing 4+ ? My comment would be, as far as possible, to show rather than tell the story. For example the sentence: ...and slipped into the twirling tunnel with its bright flashing colours - this sounds as if you are telling the audience what you want them to see, rather than describing what Tommy is experiencing. The latter approach would lead the audience to their own vision. Best of luck. And don't let the cappuccino get cold.

A thought, I've asked Authonomy to establish and equivalent sight for illustrators - it would be great to bring together both authors and illustrators wouldn't it?

Best regards
Clive

This is a fantastic piece of Children's fiction. I can imagine this would do very well indeed.
I can only heap praise on this book! It has a great title, fantastic cover and the writing throughout is just wonderful.
Great stuff.
6 stars and all the best,

Simon.
Yuko Zen Is Somewhere Else.

Love this! Can hear myself reading this to a child. The voice is lovely and carefully crafted, and the details carefully chosen and infused in the narrative. For some reason that I coldn't quite put my finger on I love that he lives in Biggleswick. Highly starred and I look forward to putting this on my shelf at some stage!

hello Lisa--
book--The fantastical adventures of tommy teal; the little boy whose dreams are real---

read all ten chapters of this wonderful book of yours; and what a catching pitch you start off with.
I can see parents reading it out and i can already hear the answers--read me this or that,

it's and out and out unique childrens book that, hopefully when posted will fly off the racks.
Hard to say which chapter i enjoyed most, however i do know, that for the boys; it has to be chapter 10'
the cup final
the name ; tommy teal is catching; and easy to remember, and could develop into a series---?

good luck
i give it my six stars with pleasure'

tom bye
from hugs to kisses'.
please oblige and read some of mine; you will enjoy chapter 29; the street football match ' we wuz robbed'

"The Fantastical Adventures..." - Lisa Lawton. I read the 1st two stories and scanned several comments. Bookshelf for imagination and engaging stories. Some thoughts: I ran a Gunning Fog Index (see Wikipedia) on parts of chapter one - results 10th grade education due to length of sentences. The comments make sense since the children are being read to by an adult. If your intent is for children to read this, you may want to decrease your sentence length. Other than that, an enjoyable read.

Gideon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")