Failed State

Daniel Keioskie

The Terraforming of a new Planet brings out the best and the worst in people. Here is the worst:

In 2112 the Terraforming of Tiberius is truly a political affair. Several nations vie for control of the resource rich planet and it is up to a four person Arbitration and Survey team to decide which nation wins. Dr Elke Rider is supposed to be there as an impartial observer, to record the event for history. However, it soon becomes obvious that someone or several some ones do not want the ownership of Tiberius to be decided upon just yet. When murder and sabotage is involved, it’s not just politics anymore.

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tags

science fiction, suspense

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5 comments

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sarah macklin wrote 314 days ago

I haven't read Science Fiction in ages, but your hook got me. I'll have to give this a read.

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Battle Knyght wrote 704 days ago

No comment.
BK

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Keioskie wrote 1277 days ago

Hey Dan,

I like it, you're creating a whole universe here and playing round in it. The disparate voices are good, but remember format - the more you change it 'on the page', the easier it is to read and distinguish the point you're trying to make.

I see what Patty (below) means about the legalese - you've got to make sure it adds to the story, because I will admit I got a bit lost in it at times as well. Ask yourself what's really relevant, and cut through the rest to make it more digestible. Given Authonomy's format, have you thought about reloading what you have and give each separate 'voice' it's own chapter, thereby it's own 'page'. Might help to make it flow better.

But, like I always say to you, any issues the book has can only be resolved when you get to the end and know what you were trying to say from the start. When you gonna finish it?

Luke

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Patty wrote 1282 days ago

Dan,

Some comments now. I've read the first chapter, and I'm a bit in two minds about this. On the one hand, I really like the sections with your female protagonist. There is strangeness, a slight military distance, but some emotion shining through. The other 'report' style segments became hard to read after the first two. I have to admit that I scream at any sign of legalese, and my brain just doesn't want to follow it anymore. I really like your world, and the way you deal with it, but I'd like it to be a tad more accessible for the reader. I'd like more from the protagonist and fewer official reports. The odd one interspersed with the text is great. I just think they're too heavy-on at the moment, and it stopped me from getting into this story, which would be just the thing I'd read for pleasure.

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Patty wrote 1283 days ago

Daniel,

You must be a brother of that other dude with the same last name on the site ;-)

I like this. This is SF just as I like it. There are a few minor-ish things I spotted, but I'll comment on them later. I've got this watchlisted and will be back when I have a bit more time.

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