Six Weeks in Summer

a book that most of the female persuasion would love to read.

Hi, Helen. This is a BHCG review.

I’m really enjoying your book. The characters are engaging, the narrative flows well. I’m going to raise a few issues, but only in the spirit of the BHCG, to suggest possible improvements. To be brutally honest, the book is already good. : )

The opening scene, in which Paul dies and Meg grieves, is beautifully done, and the measured pace is appropriate to the subject and situation. One small point of confusion: When the sister said, You’re such a good person… I wasn’t sure at first who was speaking. I would suggest clarifying with a dialogue tag. Also, where is says, “…finally wept. [next para:] It was almost summer… ” I was startled by the sudden passage of so much time. A couple of extra returns would prepare the reader for the leap forward. Both these sticking points are minor and very easily corrected.

The part about how Joey got her name is amusing, and Joey is a very engaging character. One small thing here: when Joey says she asked her mother about her name, at first I thought she meant she’d asked her recently, roughly in present story time. Then she asked her father “the next Saturday.” Then suddenly I realized we had flashed back to age seven! This again is a small thing: just tip us off. When you say she’d wailed to her mother, tell us she did it as a child.

The POV changes pretty freely as the characters’ paths cross. First we’re in Angelique’s head, then Joey shows up, and when she walks away, we walk away in her head. Same thing happens with Meg. I thought this was cleverly done, not at all confusing or jarring, and kind of a cool way of weaving these stories together. Some purists might object and say you need a couple of returns to signal the change of POV, but as you do it clearly, gracefully, consistently and with purpose, I find it an asset.

The Angelique story line is definitely intriguing. I want to know what her secret is. It’s a good hook. I think you could use more hooking fromone chapter to the next in the other story lines. It would impel us forward. For example, we learn in chapter two that there is someone named Liam and that Joey might like to go out with him if it weren’t for her flaky mother. How about, in chapter one, when Theo kids her about not dating, have her (since we’re in her head) think of Liam with some excitement, hoping he’ll call. That would make us interested to find out who Liam is and whether he will call. Then, in chapter two, when he does, we’d feel her disappointment (when she can’t go) more keenly, and we’d have a deeper grasp of how unfair her mother’s behavior is.

The characters are sympathetic and well developed, and they are all very different from one another, which is interesting, and promises a rich development. The voice is comfortable to read and flows nicely. I think we could use some clues early on as to how the very different plot lines will relate to make a whole. Right now, even though the characters cross paths some, I feel a bit like I am reading three stories at once. A lot of books have different threads from the start, but usually you have some sense of a collision course.

In all, it’s a lovely, complex, emotionally compelling story about believable and engaging characters. Excellent! I will read more.

Hello, Helen. I just started reading your book, and I am loving it. I like the range -- the first part is so sad and beautiful. Then it lightens up with humor over how Joey got her name. I look forward to reading on about Angelique. I am wondering how the stories are related. For now, it's on my watchlist. I'll do a BHCG review as soon as I can get to it.

Elizabeth (The Made-Up Man)

Simply loved your easy flowing way of writing it lets you get carried along but you don't reveal everything at once so you drip feed it into your narrative. Excellently done high stars Karen Faking it in France.

G’day, dear friend.

On 27/APR/12, I opened a new Forum top: DOWN-UNDER WRITERS OF DISTINCTION.

I said in the very first posting:

“I've so far found one other Australian writer here in Anthonomy (and living in Brisbane like me too).
No doubt there a lot more of them; and if they would like to say: "G'day! Howyergoin.." They will be most welcome here.

I am pleased to say that this topic was very well received from Day 1. Since then, with the help of some keen members, we have been able to produce a list (Including Aussies and Kiwis) of 25 DOWN UNDER writers. And to date we have clocked 6,366 views and 350 replies.

Now that’s an excellent start. But just getting to know one-another is but the beginning.

What I’m really aiming for, is for all us DOWN-UNDER members to do what we can to help each other – knowing, that from beginners to existing successful authors, we all need a bit of support, a bit help, a bit of encouragement, now-and-again.

May I ask you please to do something for me?

First, I’d like you to confirm that you are happy (or not – shudder...)to be listed in DOWN-UNDER MEMBERS OF DISTINCTION.

Second, I’d like you to tell us if you think we are moving in the right direction?

Third: Should you happen to have a space on your book shelf, to take at look at our DOWN-UNDER writers first, before going elsewhere.

Thank you, mate!

I shall be most pleased to see your reply.

Cheers!

KEN BLOWERS

Oh... And may I invite you, and your readers
and supporters, to take a look at my books:
6 books of short stories, and 5 books of one-act plays.
Plus QUOTE ME - a book of 1,000 daily quotations
ttp://www.authonomy.com/writing-community/profile/me/
Plus my hot topic: DOWN-UNDER WRITERS OF DISTINCTION
http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/92659/downunder-writers-of-distinction-/
PS
The difference between a writer and a successful writer
is an ample tonic of support plus a good dose of publicity...

Helen - It is always cause for celebration when an author bursts on the scene with an original and hard to put down novel that is bound to capture attention. I am a picky reader when it comes to writing style and I particularly like the way that you handle prose and dialogue. You have used similies and other literary techniques judiciously--just enough but not too much.
This is not an everyday "chick lit." It is a charming story of human beings - some of them family members and the tensions between them. It is beautifully written and the character development is spot on taking the reader into the hearts and lives of your characters. I couldn't help but stand by the sidelines rooting for Meg and Caitlin and Joey… The story is an ode for anyone who refuses to give up on life or love at any stage of life. Highly recommended – your readers are in for a treat.
Definitely one for my shelf when I next shuffle my books. In the meantime I've given it a high rating of 6 stars.

i like this, read the first three chapters and scanned some ahead, i thought it well written, good character developement, nice start to the story, we are looking to Meg to see how she will handle her freedom, though i think pointing out Joey's mother irresponsiblity an important part of the plot, I wonder if the writer doesn't risk losing some readers by assoiciating her with "green" cuases, she does not have to be particularly political to be irresponsible, but that is just a thought, every now and then I think i ran into a phrase that could be cleaned up, but for the most part I think this is ready for publishing, i like the story and wanted to see where it went and that is always the best indicator of good work, having the reader want to read on

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Helen,

I gave up waiting for you to send me a copy and went ahead and read Six Weeks of Summer on the site... sometimes having those nasty little chapter loading problems.

This is one of a very few books on Authonomy that I've felt compelled to read the entire thing. You have created a wonderful, wonderful cast of characters, all of them written with sensitivity and insight. This could be the start of a series, as I would love to know what happens next in all their lives. Your writing is lovely, by the way.

Since I was reading mostly for enjoyment, I didn't stop to make comments along the way, but I'll try to give you a few specifics that I made a mental note of. You handle point of view skillfully, but you sometimes seemed to change in the middle of a paragraph. I don't think there was a time when I didn't know whose head I was in, but that's just something to be aware of as you polish. Some editors are allergic to head hopping.

There was one place at the beginning of chapter 9 when you had two people speaking. One was Meg, but you didn't identify her until several exchanges in. Help your reader out, and put a tag on that first line!

Nerida and Adam did seem to have few redeeming qualities. They were both delightful bores, although Adam has to have some good points to have gotten Caitlin to agree to marry him. You do a good job of showing her motivations in agreeing to that, but if I have a niggle it might be that she hangs on a little too long? Not entirely sure, because, generally, I think this is a very accomplished piece of work that with only minimal editing is ready for prime time. There were very few typos, but there were a few. .. sorry didn't stop to write them down.

I'm so pleased to see you have the amount of backing you have (hope to see it increase), as I've found some wonderful stories on this site that are largely ignored.

I hope my comments are helpful to you . Thank you for such an entertaining story. And thank you as well for your backing of Absence of Grace!

Ann

Six Weeks In Summer
First, your writing is so lovely. There’s no other word for it. I have tried to call out the sentences that WOW’d me. Most of this “crit” is just excessive gushing – I genuinely wanted to be as helpful as you’d been to me. I’m sorry but I really just loved your book. If I ever move my shelf around (I’ve only moved books once since I’ve joined!), you’re on the short list to be added.
The house was just as she’d left it. How could it not be? I loved this, really captured coming back to your home after tragedy – when your house is so familiar yet everything looks drastically different. Like you can’t remember your life before…
You talk about sunlight through the blinds twice in the first chapter. They are slightly different – probably not caught on autocrit or writingpro or any auto editing software. I’m not even sure it matters if the wording is different, I just picked up on it, so do with it what you want.
Meg’s grief for Paul is so sad because its barely there. You capture that beautifully.
The first paragraph of Joey McBride – I had to read it twice to really understand it. The long black threw me at first. Now, it could be because it’s 9 at night and I’ve got two kids under 3 and I worked all day and now I’m exhausted. True. But if more than one person brings it up, something to think about. Maybe just a little clarification, is all. Also possible that it’s cultural – being American, I’ve never heard the phrase “long black”. So I had no idea if it was her hair or her coffee – figured it was one or the other.
Wombat. Oh, that’s funny. I love how you reveal the back story. So completely weaved in and effortless.
Interesting how you bounce back and forth with POV. I did not find it confusing or jarring at all. I’ll read the other comments when I’m done (I refuse to look at them before I do a read/comment)– seems like something people around here would be all over. But I thought it worked well actually!
“…seemed to watch her every move (comma?) waiting to pounce..” very good line!
Year 9 should be year nine, I think. May be a British/American difference so maybe there’s a reason why you didn’t spell it out…
“Only the clock watched…like a parent keeping watch.” Oh, well now that almost brought tears to my eyes.
Completely useless crit – there are sooo many people. It’s hard to keep it all straight. It’s useless because it’s obviously very well thought out and you are clearly not going to change it (and nor should you). It’s more just an observation of fact – as a reader, I keep going back to the beginning to remind myself who so and so is.
Oh, I love Meg. I want to invite her over for coffee. Or maybe vodka. And what a bitch her sister in law! Good for Meg!
Chapter 3 – Adam, he’s a jerk, eh? My only crit is he’s borderline caricature. Possibly reel it back a bit?
Well (comma) who did?
Mr(period) Investment Banker
“…and I’ll get it if it’s the last thing I do!” Something about the end of this line seems manufactured to me. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in the basement or something – cartoonish maybe? Possibly not explaining it well, but I think it would work just as well if you just ended it after “I fucking want it!”
Everything is just starting to tie together, I’m at the end of chapter 3.
Highly starred. Will be on my shelf at some point in the near future. Really, very lovely.

Helen,

What a wonderful piece of accomplished writing. So far, I've read the first 2 chapters, and I'm finding all of the characters appealing... Meg and Joey the most. And I love the way you've revealed information without just telling me directly. Highly starred, and it's going on my shelf as soon as I have space.

The only technical comment I have is in Chapter 2 - the paragraph beginning: “Oh you know...” Nerida waved

Seems like there's a point of view switch in the middle - and I think you need some paragraph returns to separate Meg’s thoughts from Nerida’s statements.

Ann - Absence of Grace

This is brilliantly written, Helen. Great opening sentence. The shifting POV weren't confusing at all; you've done a great job there. Such a wide range of characters and each one believable, different and well described. I felt empathy with Meg from the start and that shows that you've done a good job; the reader can relate to her instantly. The pace moves along at a steady speed and you have cleverly detailed the lives of the four characters without bogging us down with unnecessary details.

I noticed a few errors and hope they can be of help:

... the sunlight slipping without a sound through the slats in the blinds.
Would sunlight usually make a sound anyway?

You want I should introduce you to my brother Nicky?
This line doesn't sound right.

...even though hers had ground to halt months ago
Needs an 'a' before halt.

No other problems here. You've done a great job with this and I'll be back to read more as I need to know now how this story develops and what becomes of the characters!

Highly rated and waiting for a space on my shelf. Well done.

Helen, I have read and enjoyed all the chapters here, and I want to do a proper BHCG review. Right now I am travelllng so it's not possible, but just to let you know I think you have a superb character in Meg - I feel I know her so well, with all her weaknesses and strengths, and her gradual self-discovery and flowering is beautifully done. If I have one general criticism, it is that your villains are so evidently villainous! I think Adam and Nerida and Vivienne need some work - especially Adam. It's way too easy to see through him. In the first scene, we should be as captivated by his charm [even if it's fake] as Cailtlin is. After all, she is not stupid. That's my only criticism, really. Will come back with more detailed comments as soon as I can - five stars - Frances.

This is a very enjoyable read. Very striking beginning, wham straight in there with a death. I like the multiple view points in the first chapter though they are a bit confusing. On the plus side you subtley show how each thinks the other is confident but each has her own problems and anxieties. I think the book really gets going once we have longer to get to know the people. I got very involved with each character's problems. I am glad Meg and Rupert met up and hated the sister in law and Adam and his foul friends. We've all met people like that! Loved the expression 'the cat leapt yowling out of the bag'. Angelique seems to have vanished for a long time but I'll get to her. On my watch list and highly starred.

A lesser writer would have been tempted to lay it on thick with the scene of Paul’s death but the dignity and restraint you convey here reminded me of an Alice Munroe short story. ‘Her hand was trembling, as if he still expected him to turn away from it.’ And as if that wasn’t sad enough, there’s Meg’s realisation that what died with Paul was their failed marriage and she will have to live with that for the rest of her life.

And then there’s the indignity that all that’s left of us when we pass on can be contained in one brown paper bag - an ordinary death captured in unflinching detail. Meg keeps it together for the sake of the nurse, as you do, in these situations – it’s only at home that she allows herself the luxury of giving vent to her grief. ‘There were dust motes dancing in the sun that slanted through the window and lay gently across her shoulders as she put her head down and finally wept.’

Perhaps it’s the nature of reading on screen but I wondered whether other Authonomy readers might prefer shorter chapters. I felt that a more powerful ending for Chapter 1 came slightly earlier and at the end of the second Joey section, at the end of this sentence: ‘Only the clock ticked, familiar and comforting, like a parent keeping watch.’

On a specific point, earlier on in the chapter, I don’t think you need the ‘for so many years’ added on to the sentence about possibilities unrealised now. ‘Finished. Over, with no hope of fulfilment.’ That says it all.

This is an extremely well-written and engaging story and I really look forward to reading more. Very highly rated and starred.

Alison (Lambert Nagle)
Revolution Earth

Hi Helen,

I've read the first four chapters so far. I like this book a lot. I see a lot of similarity in our writing styles. I found no grammar or punctuation errors. The pacing is good, dialogue is natural sounding. I like your handling of thoughts/interior monologue. You have created a big cast of characters and they are well-rounded. I especially like Meg. I can feel her pain and loneliness. I look forward to reading more. Great job! Highly starred.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Hi Helen, having just finished the first few chapters of your book, I am writing to say that I enjoyed it and would be interested to see how all the strands are going to tie together. I must admit though that I found the way you juumped from character to charater in the chapters a little off-putting and wondered if you might give each one their own chapter at least in the initial stages while we are getting to know them. Just a thought and obviously up to you to act on or ignore as you wish. I was also wondering if you would take a look at my own book 'Sanctuary' and give it support as I am rising through the listings and do not want to fall back. Many thanks - Tina Cox

Firstly, I like your opening scene and the premise behind the story, and don’t want you to think I have gotten caught up in negatives in this crit. There is much to be admired in your narrative and I think the story would fit the women's market well. Merely, the things I am mentioning are things where I was slightly thrown off and thought some things could use a little bit more work. My thoughts are clearly subjective, and I am no expert so fee free to use what you can and ignore the rest.

I think you have a good handle of grammar and the pace is good. For a long first chapter I didn’t really feel bogged down. I did wonder though if some things really advanced the story and sometimes I felt some things were rushed. When we start in the first chapter Meg’s husband has just died, and we appear to go days or weeks before we start the next section with Joey.

With the section about Joey – I got thrown off and think it might be best to clearly break to a new chapter. I also wondered if using an omniscient narrator was the best way to go with the scenes after the initial scene with Meg.

For example we start with Angelica, then move onto Meg and throughout that section constantly change pov between Meg and Joey – I also wondered the relevance of all the explanations about Joey and her brother’s names – I also wondered why we are introduced to Angelica in the coffee shop, but then hear no more of her, until the final scene when she is in bed crying. I also got thrown off a great deal with all the different names mentioned when we were in one of the scenes with Joey – eg Rupert, Theo ect – and did wonder if it might be best to introduce each character from their own pov and as your pitch seems to give equal importance to all four characters it might provide more of a balance - where’s currently I wasn’t sure who I should be focusing on after the opening scene with Meg, and felt a little distance by the pov choice – but these are minor things and can be easily fixed or for that matter as I am just one opinion, ignored.

Some nits below.

Paul Cornwall died just as the sun was rising on the first day of winter. When his breathing stopped, the silence in the room was absolute, the sunlight slipping without a sound through the slats in the blinds. Even the woman in the chair beside the bed was silent, immobile, until her own breath released on a long sigh, the world turned again, and the moment was gone. ---- don’t need that ‘on’ in the last sentence….you also have sentences that are not complete – need to look at the punctuation ---- you need a fullstop after ‘sigh’ or something – and the last two clauses don’t really make sense…for example – the world turned again, and the moment was gone. ---- it isn’t clear which moment you are referring to being gone…the moment Paul died, or the silence, or sun slipping through the window, or the woman sighing….that said, I like the intent of the opening. It made me wonder who this Paul is, and what has he died from, and who is the woman.

If only he’d waited, Meg thought. -----it isn’t clear if meg is the woman in the opening paragraph – if it is, there is no reason not to give her name in that first paragraph instead of ‘the woman’ If only he’d seen what a beautiful day it was, he might have stayed. But she knew it wasn’t true. ----- I don’t think she can know that, but perhaps – what she is thinking is wishful thinking? Especially as the next sentence says he hated winter.

She hurried forward to lay a hand on Meg’s arm and draw her away. ----and draw her away does not makes sense, do you mean ‘to draw her away’?

‘But still,’ the girl said. -----who is the ‘girl’? – if you introduce someone as the nurse, stay with it – so we stay close in pov

She was so young, Meg thought sadly, so innocent, despite the things she saw. ----it isn’t clear who that ‘she’ refers to….Try The nurse was so young, Meg thought sadly, ect

‘Can we call someone for you?’ The sister’s eyes were anxious. ----- it isn’t clear if you mean Paul’s sister or a nursing sister

The woman looked at her in silence for a moment, -----who is the woman? A nurse or the

I hope you find something useful. I will try to come back and read more. Good luck with it.

A BHCG review. If I come across as overly harsh at any point, please blame my BPD-driven inner perfectionistic editor. She’s mean but she means well.

Pitches: SP - because I’ve been researching queries/pitches/synopses ‘til my brain bleeds, I’m going to point out that rhetorical questions aren’t always a good way to pitch your book. Saying that, I like your pitches. I don’t think it’s necessary in the pitch to say that Adam is Meg’s nephew, and I wonder if you can find a way to not mention his name at all (you’re running into Name Soup, as the QueryShark calls it). But it would entice me to read on, and that’s the main point of a pitch.

Plot/Opening: I read 3 chapters without any major problems. I love this kind of story - multiple POV tales all interweaving. There were times when I felt there was a little sliding from one POV to another, when two characters were talking, for instance. And reading some of your previous comments, I notice AudreyB has picked up on this point too. I know from my own work, that it's tough; made tougher by having several different focal characters within a single chapter. I've found it helps to separate the document into the different viewpoint characters, then read through each one to make sure the right person is talking in the right voice. If you come across a paragraph where you find 2 people with views, revise it.

Characters/characterisation: What I like is the fact that you don’t spoon-feed me irrelevant details about the characters. You give the bare minimum and let me build them in my own imagination, which is great. I have an idea about all the characters I’ve met so far, and can understand their motivations and so on (apart from Angelique, but that’s part of the mystery).

Pace: Fine with me. Not too much extraneous detail to slow things down. You could maybe run your sections through some editing software (or an old-fashioned person with a red pen) to weed out some “that”s and “seemed”s and “felt”s, but they don’t slow things down badly.

Dialogue: I’ve not noticed any issues with your dialogue, so it’s reading fluently and you don’t appear to hate contractions in conversation (which so many people do!)

Sentence structure/grammar etc: Some of your sentences run on a bit. Some of your sentences could do with a semi-colon. Some of your sentences start with But or And where they don’t need to. But we all do that, don’t we? LOL. There aren't any major issues though, so I can see an agent liking this because you've got a good grasp of punctuation.

Originality/Publishability: This is always my weak point with a BHCG because I just don’t know what’s an original idea any more, or what’s publishable. I will say that I’d pick this up and read it, based on the 3 chapters I’ve read, and with a bit of editing to clear up the POV minor issues, and some of the sentence structure..

Specific points: There’s so little for me to comment on, that I’m going to point out the very rare typo I spot…C1: Angelique is in bed, reflecting on her lack of social life and “even though hers had ground to halt months ago”.

C2: Meg contemplating her widowhood: “Yes she had, the thought fiercely, she really had”. And later in the same chapter “Monica’s Cornwall’s” In the same chapter, I doubt Paul’s sister would think of him as “Paul Cornwall” in her mind. And at the end of that paragraph: “they’d treated each other with mutual ignore”.

C3: When Joey has arrived to waitress for Meg’s dinner party: “She was fabulous cook, though” When Adam is driving away: “he slammed the car into gear pulled out with a scream of rubber”. And later on in that same section: “this nightmare drive might be last thing either of them did, but it would suicide to say so” (2 errors).

I’m seeing more errors creeping in at this point, so I think this is where you need to start giving it a thorough proof. Good luck with this - I think it’s a charming read and I’d have read more if I had the time (but I’m backed up on my reviews for this week). 5 stars and one I’ll keep my eye on, hoping to see it rising up the chart.

Hi Helen,
I sent you a BHCG feedback some time ago. As you haven't acknowledged receipt I wondered whether it had 'arrived.' If not I will re-send. If so, any chance of a return read?
Chris

BHCG.
Hi Helen, just read through the whole story. Also read existing feedback and therefore will attempt to cut duplication. I really enjoyed the first 6/7 chapters and thought that, if you take a look at the first few paras in Chapter 1, then you are on to a winner. However, I did feel that somewhere around Chapter 7 the story seems to lose some of its momentum, eventually sliding into domesticity and to a happy ending for the goodies. It may be that you could use Chapter 8 for a 'jumping off point' and develop each major character through something important to them in their own lives then all come together for the climax of the story. One major suggestion is to go into your word processor, click on find, type in 'WAS' and do a word count. Working out alternatives to WAS will result in giving more opportunity for the reader regarding descriptors, movement, use of five senses. It will also increase the word count. However, lots of work is involved. maybe go for 75000 words. The premise is great, the opening is great but it feels as if you just wanted to get it finished. Maybe you could get the impetus by re-reading the first 6 chapters and making notes for development.
Chapter 1.
Para 1. Sunlight slipping without a sound? seeing or hearing?
Para 2. He'd hated. He'd have seen. Both are spelt the same but have different meanings. However, I'm not a grammar expert. maybe you are correct.
lots of WAS words: She was so young. (maybe; she looked/appeared so young).
Maybe: 'Suddenly the room filled with people.'
Maybe: 'The anxious eyes of the nurse peered at her.'
You are such a good person. What does good imply?
From breakfast the day before - allows the use of 'yesterday' in the next sentence.
Bamboozle his shade? Meaning
Long black? Meaning
Friends since year nine. What age?

Chapter 2.
Vegemite sandwiches. Here in the UK we also have Guinness marmite!
Greens mission statement? Meaning.
Too hot soon. Too busy soon. Perfectly aligned. Perfect distance. Is this your style - to make repeats?
Sliding across the dust. Are you really implying movement?

Chapter 3.
The fact. In fact.I thought he had driven to Meg's.
He might word his mother?
bit of a contradiction here. Adam had assumed that Caitlin would use her savings to re-vamp the house. But, he knows that they would be depleted if she doesn't move somewhere.
At this point I like Joey, Rupert and Meg.

Chapter 4.
like the start of this chapter. Prose and pace.
Vinnies? Meaning.
Maybe less referral to the Queen-sized bed - just bed.
had to backtrack as to who is Monica.
OK or okay?
Ladie's or Lady's?

Chapter 5.
Shock, bewilderment, outrage. maybe add sympathy.

Chapter 6.
She was probably better not knowing. A little clumsy?
The writing is still okay here.
Do people in their early fifties live in Senior Villages in Oz? Bit young for that?

Chapter 7.
Worried about exam results. Really most twelve year olds. (The subject is Joey and she is 17).
He'd always known (Hugh or Rupert) Joey was different.
I found Chapters 11-Joey's different to Chapter 'Meg's hand flew,' confusing.
I wasn't aware that Caitlin had returned and joined in the conversation.
Good to see him looking so healthy. Maybe, good that their friendship had gelled.
Check the number of GOOD words.
Sweaty hands shoving tips down your front. Out of character for Hugh.
Stick with the broken collar bone. Have you ever seen someone with one? You can tell immediately.
I thought that Adam had attacked Angel. Then we heard no more.

Chapter 8.
When Angel first awoke. Omit first.
Marcus hit her in the club. I thought it was Adam.
Now we can get your things. Maybe collect.
Need a para space here.

Children at Risk. How does Adam, who cares for no-onework this out?
Buttermilk Plum cake. maybe just cake.
Stake our. maybe Stake out.
last night's strange man. maybe unknown/unnamed.
Come done and tell us about. Maybe down.
Mr Average. Mr Average. average job.
Too big a change for Hugh to dismiss himself from chances with caitlin. They have only met a few times.
The momentum is definitely sliding away.

Chapter 9.
Can't just do nothing. Good education -would probably not use double negatives.
Story sliding into Christmas and not plot.
Caitlin rang and asked if she(Joey) and Angel could come round. I thought Angel was living with Meg.
Para beginning: Rupert was feeling quite pleased. You need to sort out the different changes in pov.
Lunch 3 times a week is a habit.
Tom. You mentioned him earlier but not by name (I think).

Chapter 10.
Not if nobody. Clumsy language if a school teacher.
Mea Culpe? Meaning.
And neither I do? Meaning.
The story is now rapidly descending into a domestic situation and not the promised build up. It should be working up to the climax.

Chapter 11.
Seems as if all your earlier hard, polished work has resulted ina magic Christmas for all, except the 'baddies.'
A bit late to introduce new characters.
Tom opened a new bottle of wine. Another bottle of wine maybe.

I think you have a great story here. Your earlier writing is the best I have read on Authonomy so far and I'm certain that, with a bit of hard work, you can develop the characters/situations more to reach the magic 75000.
Hope this is useful.

Chris

This is a beautiful story beautifully written. I love the individuality of the characters and the variety of their crises. Joey's missing mother, Agelique's mysterious secret, and Meg's crushing loneliness all come through wonderfully and make me want to continue reading. Some of your descriptions give the text a lovely flavor--I especially liked the leaf shadows on Joey's bedroom ceiling.

Multiple POV is a difficult trick to get right and I think you're hitting spot on about 90% of the time. The only place where it falls down is when you switch without an extra blank line in a couple of places and I am momentarily confused as to who is doing the thinking.

I love the way even in the beginning of this story the character's lives are beginning to weave together. A well-told story and thanks for the read.

BHCG review:

Character development is strong in this manuscript. The opening is strong enough to capture one's attention, but I believe you started to lose my attention about halfway through the first chapter. The chapter is too long. There needs to be a break somewhere. It is harder for me to read longer chapters.

I enjoyed the way you showed the point of view of each character. Some people have an issue with multiple pov's in the same chapter, but I don't think it hurt your ability to tell a good story. There is a clear defining line from one pov to another which i am learning is essential.

I especially liked the part where the characters complain about their names. It adds an element to spice to your story. I like characters with a little bit of attitude because it shows that no one is perfect. It makes them seem real. This section also gave you an opportunity to introduce aspect of the mother's character which I thought was useful to your story line.

The dialoge you presented when the character is in the coffeehouse was powerful. I also enjoyed the aspects of the scene in which her pov was clearly comparing herself to the waitress. That is something we all do--compare ourslelves to others. That bit of judgement made the scene stronger.

I did notice that it needs a bit of editing for grammar and sentence structure, but I will not go into specifics. I think we all are aware of this need in our own works.

If I have a complaint, it would be the legnth of the chapters. I believe it would benefit you to divide them into smaller chapters to allow the reader a break.

Overall I believe this is a well thought out manuscript. I believe that with careful editing it would be a great find for any publisher.

Tina Burton

Hi Helen, I've just read the first few chapters of your book and REALLY loved it. The beginning of the first chapter is written beautifully and, whatever people's feelings on multiple POVs, I thought you made it work really well - and it's never done Jodie Picoult any harm! It was so interesting to read how each one thought the other had the perfect life. The way you draw the reader into the story of each of the characters is very good and makes me want to read on, which I will do when I have time. I'm itching to know how the story will pan out from the first few excellent chapters. If it was published, I'd buy it. I've rated it highly, watchlisted it and will put it on my bookshelf in my next reshuffle. Good luck with it, and if you have a moment to check out my book, I'd be very grateful.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé
http://authonomy.com/books/31912/la-vie-en-ros-/

I am not qualified to give a real critique. But I can share with you what an average reader may think.
Brilliant first line.
What a wonderful awful way to begin a story! Your dialogue is quite realistic and you paint the story vividly in my mind. Your style flows easily and there is no confusion in your characters or situations. It was one of my more enjoyable reads. Excellent and five stars.
Roy Belletete -In Search of a Memory-

Hi Helen, I really enjoyed this. I guess my main comments would be from a publisher's perspective - I have been told that anything under 70,000 words is considered too short. So I don't know if you could add to some of the sections.
I love the opening - I think it's beautifully written. The many different POVs worked for me, but again, I'm led to believe that publishers don't like them. I don't know if this is true.
All the characters are believable. I'm not sure that we totally understand why Caitlin fell for Adam - I get the idea that she has no family so is in a needy situation - but he seems so horrid I'm not sure that someone so nice could be attracted to him!
My only other comment would be that maybe we need to have Joey and Rupert on a bit more of a knife-edge before Meg steps in to rescue them... I think that we really need to feel that everything is at stake for them before the angel turns up at the last minute.
But I really enjoyed it. Well done!

Wow, a death just as the book begins. That’s unusual and very nice.

I didn’t really know what to expect from Six Weeks in Summer and even after reading the eleven chapters posted here, don’t know exactly how to classify the book. I will say that it offers a really good story with strong characterization, so I would probably say literary fiction, though there are elements of other genres as well that are well-used and should provide enjoyment to readers of different stripes.

One of the best things that author Helen Meikle does is build up the characters to be believable and realistic. They all seem like real people, and the supporting characters are similarly well constructed. This is backed with perfect dialog with each character speaking based on their social status, motivations and relationship with others in the scene. In fact, I would like to see more conversations as they really shine.

I think that Six Weeks in Summer would appeal to a wide audience, probably more to women. I almost want to say it’s chick-lit, but those tales are 99 percent shallow gloss-overs, and there is so much more here to love. The book will make you think about your own choices in love and life as you contemplate the characters and the paths they took. Not a lot of books can accomplish this, and for that, I believe that Six Weeks in Summer has a bright future ahead.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

A BHCG Review

Your short pitch grabbed me straight away. Your long pitch could do with being a bit more fluid but certainly sparks up an interest.

I loved your first line. And your opening was so filled with emotion it was positively moving. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I thought it was beautifully written, very deep and real.

I like the contrast of Joey’s world, although I did have to google what an “HSC exam” was! Maybe put in full the first time, just for your international readership who might not know what it is off hand.

You’ve managed to give each character an individual voice, as you switch between Angelique, Joey and Meg, the voices switch as well and they bring with them the history of the character, the emotions the personality. And this switching definitely keeps the narrative fresh and gives it a good pace. I love that all your characters have almost secret lives, which the reader relishes with expectancy, little mysteries waiting to be discovered later on.

This is a brilliantly brought to life piece of prose, the individual pieces maybe not the most original situations but the way you bring them together, have each character brushing against the next is compelling. It would probably appeal more to a female readership, but not in a chick-lit way, sort of a modern day Little Women.

Overall I’ve really enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more. Six stars from me and I hope to see you go all the way to the top.

Faina

Hi, Helen – this is your BHCG review from AudreyB. As you may know, I am accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. Whatever you don’t agree with was likely her doing. Think of her as a Nerida who spells well.

SP—what would you think of re-stating the question as a statement? The use of second person (you) is always dangerous. I recommend avoiding it completely…unless you are one of the rare writers who can pull it off.

LP—There’s some second person and some third person going on here. Stick with just one of them. These sentences also have a bit of a sameness that may need to be mussed.

Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum
What a wonderful opening line. I’ll keep reading. I like getting a bracing welcome into the first chapter. And as I read on, I love your writing and am caught up in the mystery of Paul and his relationship with Meg. Coming back to this now that I’ve read three chapters, I hope Paul’s death will be the catalyst for the resolutions these four women will reach. It certainly seems so with Meg and Caitlin. Will it factor in for Angel and Joey as well?

Well, I’m filled with a wonderful sense of ‘not knowing’ now that I’m at the end of chapter 1. What is Angels big secret? Why does she feel she’s living a fraudulent life? What will happen with Meg? And what about Joey, who is so much more admired—and admirable—than she realizes?

I’m just halfway through chapter 2, and I can’t help thinking how great it could be if these folks would reach out to one another more. If that’s your intent, I’m hooked. (And I like how Caitlin is connected with Joey in Chapter 3.)

At the end of chapter 2, we still haven’t met the Caitlin of the LP. I suppose we don’t have to have met her, but if she’s going to be given equal weight among the four women, it seems we’d have met her by now. But I see the dilemma. Her life wouldn’t intersect neatly with the scenario you created for the other three. Could Meg see her during the funeral arrangements, perhaps give us a tiny glimpse of her? Or maybe it doesn’t matter. I don’t know.

And of course she appears just as I’ve said so.

I don’t know the expression, “She was biddable…” What does that mean? Does it mean he can boss her around? Given that he can’t be bothered to go to her door I suspect it’s not something I want my daughter to be.

As an American, this idea that Adam should own the house is hilarious to me. Even Meg saying he will surely inherit the house after her death seems off because the house is now Meg’s security. She may need to sell it to pay for her own care. Nerida and Adam therefore come across as a bit offensive. But I understand things might be different in Australia.

Characters/Characterization
I don’t know if we have enough information about why Joey feels so inferior to the tall, pretty girls. I mean, yes, we all feel inferior around them, but from the way she talks to herself I’d guess she had lots of friends who are funny as hell. I don’t envy her family situation, but it’s not uncommon either.

And then you give us a wonderfully complex image of Angelique in just a few sentences. In just a few words, really. So I think you could convey more about Joey.

Now that Joey is on her way home, I am getting a much deeper and more nuanced picture of her. Nicely done.

I suspect Nerida is a carbon copy of her mother. I can picture an actress having great fun with this part.

Wow. Adam is a dick. It may be that we need to know more about why Caitlin is willing to put up with such a clearly awful man. Perhaps we’ll find out as we grow to know Caitlin. But in the middle of Chapter 2, when they return to Meg’s house, I just pity her for having ever met this horrible guy. OK, so once again you provide just the information I’m seeking as I begin to seek it. Quite a gift for timing, I’d say.

I’m in Chapter 4 now and wonder if Adam isn’t a bit too evil? I was unhappy enough when I thought he just had a bad personality. Now I know he’s unfaithful. He’s scum. (Can you tell I have a 24-year old daughter?)

Angelique’s mother also make an immediate impression as evil. I got great feedback from Harriet G when my characters were all too sunshiny and sweet. She suggested adding a little salt. So I am suggesting adding a little cream to these black-hearted folk. Make them taste a bit softer on the tongue.

Point of View/Voice
Third person omniscient is very well done. I lost you once when we were inside the shop; you stayed with Joey after she took Angel’s order. But I quickly recovered.

In the sentence beginning with Nerida saying “Oh, you know…” you visit the heads of both Nerida and Meg. I really don’t know the best approach to this. Can you visit more than one head per paragraph?

Style – very subjective but good to know if it works or not for the reader
I’m not quite clear on what Bradley means by ‘style.’ Your book reads like current fiction. It seems to have a bit more gravitas than ‘chick lit’ and not as much as “Literary Fiction.” I think I’d call it friendly.

Sentence level – grammar, repetitive structure, wordiness, unneeded phrases etc
Punctuation tip I had forgotten about myself until another eagle-eyed reader pointed it out: The em-dash should be typed with two hyphens and no spaces between the em-dash and the words. So your sentence would look like this: “She’d been hesitant—wary—expecting...”

I don’t know what an HSC is. It’s probably a Oz/US thing but best to spell it out either in the LP or on first mention.

Spell out DOC on first mention, too.

The Hag is getting quite grumpy. She’s very little to do here. Ooooh, finally. A typo: Meg asks Nerida “Would like tea?”

There’s a word missing in the paragraph that starts, “Joey’s eyes widened.”

Vinnie’s? Is that St. Vincent de Paul?

When Rupert contemplates taking off his clothes and jumping into the fountain, I believe there’s a word missing.
“That would make the old ladies’ eyes pop.” I though we were talking only about Meg? Then it should be “…old lady’s eyes pop.” But if other old ladies are present, carry on.

Dialogue
There’s less dialog than I would like to read. You are a gifted narrator so it’s not immediately obvious. But I think more of Nerida’s personality could be conveyed to us via her words rather than narration. Another conversation between Joey and Angel could give both women more depth. And Caitlin needs to say a few things during the dinner so we see how Mr. Dickhead treats her.

Originality
I’ve not read anything like this, so I think it’s fairly original.
Publishability
I seldom say this but I think your story is quite close to submission-ready. Once you incorporate some Autho critiques, you'll be off to the races.

All the best to you,
~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

SIX WEEKS IN SUMMER
This is a well written story. The beginning is dramatic. I loved the line “a husband in a bag”; really reveals her grief and loss. Joey and Angelique are also good characters. Liked the way Joey was named; made me laugh. Overall, an interesting read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President.

Really good Helen. Love mutiple viewpoints.
Your writing is very emotional and sensitive.
A character driven story well suited to the rank of Lit-fic.
I wish you good luck with it.
All the best, Orma

Helen, I believe this is a return read. Sorry for the delay.
The writing is very refined and the opening is is one of the most beautiful descriptions of someone dying I've ever read. (as weird as that sounds). There were great descriptions throughout chapter one.

I laughed out loud at "wombat."

The multiple point of views was a wee bit jarring only because I'd barely settled into one character and I was onto the next, but I'm sure once the reader is well in to the book it's not a problem.

I don't have a problem with the F-word. I use it quite frequently, but it shocked me a bit because everything was so lovely and the there it was. I realize that was probably your intention (if she truly has that much malice for the threesome.)

Very Nicely Done

BILL
HAKTAW HEART

Thanks for your backing! Un abrazo, Pedro

Hi Helen - thanks! I like our book - it reminds, strangely, of 'Thirty-Something' and that was unmissable! Hope you have space for a little chaos soon. Pedro

Good flowing, natural prose, easy to read. Well done love it. Highly starred and watch listed awaiting promotion.
Yours Bea

Hi. This is a BHG crit.

Short Pitch and long pitch: Short was ok, and the long pitch gave a good, neat introduction to what the book was going to be about. I'd break it up a little, perhaps, give it a couple of paragraphs, but it works.

I liked the start of the book - it was thoughtful, and introduced Meg very well. It was good to start with her, as she and her house are so central to things. The description of her grief and the actual death and its aftermath were very well done 'Her husband in a brown paper bag.' You also foreshadow Adam and Caitlin by referring to Meg's own relationship with Paul, and I am expecting that both mice will roar before the end?

Characters: Individual. I liked Meg and Joey best to begin with, but when Caitlin came in, Joey faded a little and I decided that Meg and Caitlin were most compelling. Adam is a total git - be careful not to overdo him or he might come over a little moustache twirling. He's such an idiot that whenever anything bad happens to him the reaer is really pleased! I hoped his blisters lasted.

There was a line in chapter one that I read over and over - I didn't get what it meant. I don't know if it's just me - probably. It was: 'Joey gave a quick nod and turned away. She was nice, the long black - Angelique - when you got her on her own.' - what does that mean - she was nice, the long black - ?

I did wonder why you were writing about the people - why you were telling these individual stories, but you've linked many of them together in a very satisfactory way. Angelique is the only one I don't feel is totally involved. I'm looking forward to finding out exactly what is going on with her though.

Your families are all a bit unsatisfactory - an absent mother, a nasty mother and an uncaring woman (adam's mother.) did you realise? But where would we be if everyone was 'lovely' You have a great cast of nasties and mice that we look forward to seeing come out of their cages and get their come-uppance. Chapter six ended with Adam contemplating exactly what? Oooh.

Pov - you have several of course, jumping from person to person. I wondered whether each section should be a little longer, to fully establish each person, and prevent a certain giddiness as we switch about. Having said that, multiple pov books always have a less popular character that I can't wait to skip if it goes on too long. I think you've handled it well.

Sentence level - It's good. You don't have loads of typos or errors and it flows along nicely creating lots of mental pictures.

Dialogue - I thought this was done well. It was very believable and not ever clunky. You use it to show character and move the plot along, but it is never artificial. The exchange on the boat between Caitlin and Adam was really good, very smooth and realistic.

Pace - I liked the changes. The beginning was slower, with all that excellent expressing of grief and setting up. Then there are swifter sections with Adam and Caitlin. You manage to ring some changes so that it doesn't all roll along at the same rate.

It would be interesting to read more and see if you can sustain the complicated pov juggling and spark interest through a whole book, but it certainly kept my interest thus far. I think the sort of audience that you;re aiming at would like this, as long as you bring all the elements together and keep pulling rabbits out of the hat.

Sorry it's a bit shorter than my normal crit. Doing Nanowrimo and a bit pushed

Cariad.

A BHCG review

Plot/Pitch/Pacing: I already read the first three chapters before joining the BHCG so your pitch alone had been enough to draw me in. I like books that have several characters and draw them together. It can be difficult to achieve, but when done well the weaving of lives can be interesting and effective. Your opening chapters left me intrigued about your characters and I enjoyed seeing their paths begin to cross. As I said in my previous comment I particularly like the theme I see, no matter how strong your own will may be there are always factors and others pushing against it.

Characters/Characterization: When I commented on the first three chapters I mentioned that Angelique was the only character whom I felt was a little weak at that stage. She seemed more disconnected from the others and I'm still not sure she is being as well fleshed out at as the other characters. Meg, Caitlin and Joey feel like the strongest and main characters.

Point of View/Voice/Style: written in third person and the POV switches depending on the which of the characters is telling their part of the story. The switches can be quite frequent, although each character has their own voice, but the frequency of the changes in POV can create moments where the reader has to settle into each character. Chapter five sees the introduction of a new character, Hugh so the number of characters who you have to switch between is growing. Your writing and story telling are strong but I'm beginning to feel that the number of characters that you tell the story through is weakening the flow of it. Meg, Joey and Caitlin feel like the main characters and I think you could keep to the POV of those three characters and reveal their interactions with Angelique, Hugh, Rupert and Adam without switching to the POV of those other characters.

Sentence level – as far as I can tell this seems excellent. You have a thorough grasp of language, your sentences are easy to read, I wasn't stumbling with punctuation or spelling and all flowed well. There are some minor typos but they are few and far between.

Dialogue: As with sentence level and the dialogue flowed naturally and felt real.

Originality/Publishability: there are other stories about difficult families and weaving the lives of strangers together but the success of these books can be dependant on the characters and you have created a variety of nice and nasty that pull the reader in and keep them interested. From the chapters posted I think this story has a lot of appeal although I wonder if it will appeal more to women than men. To me it has a women's fiction feel. This is a book I would pick up in a book shop and would be tempted to buy.

Hi Helen,

My part of the deal as promised. I've read your first two long chapters, and my God you can write. The opening was superb - one of the best I've read on here. The premise is interesting and it continues on into the second chapter. Each of your characters has a fresh, individual voice and not many people who have attempted to do what you have done pull it off so well. The plot is intriguing and is well structured.

Your characters are a big aspect to the pro's of this novel and I very much enjoyed them - especially the Angelique-Joey views of each other. They were quite deep and introspective and felt like real people right from the start.

The only problem I've found with this, and it is quite a major problem, was the sudden and unexpected shifts of POV. And thats not where you break up into segments, because that works very well, but within the segments. The most prominent example was with Angelique and Joey - and I expected this section to be only dealing with Angelique, from how the first two worked and because of the opening of it - yet we are suddenly thrown from Angelique's thoughts to Joeys, and even within the same paragraph.

Despite that, this novel has a lot of merits and is extremely well written.

Yours,
Joe

I've just read the first 2 chapters of your book and I'm totally hooked. I'm completely in love with your characters and can't wait to find out more. I'd better cook dinner first though! I'm giving this a high star-rating and backing it.
Back soon to read more
Gill

Hi Helen,

Returning a read! I read through the first three chapters and I very much enjoyed them. There's a good pace and quite a lot happens without seeming rushed. Your first paragraphs, about Meg and Paul, really drew me in to the story and kept me reading more.

I like the multiple view points, but I wonder if you need so many of them. For me, Meg and Caitlin and Joey seem like more than enough at the moment - I can't imagine bringing Angelique into it as well, especially as she seems unconnected to the other characters at the moment.

This is definitely a great read, as I said the pace is brisk without feeling rushed and the characters are likable and realistic. Meg especially feels very real to me, and her whole situation and her feelings about her husband would be enough to keep me reading, without all the other complications even!

Good luck with this :)

KT

Hi Helen,

I was rather disappointed there was only 6 chapters of your book. It was very interesting. Not your usual type of story. This one I felt was different and entertaining. You handled the multiple characters well. Sometimes dealing with multiple characters can be tricky as the reader tends to get confused with the scenes moving constantly but in this instance it worked well. You gave each character enough space to stand out as characters from the moment the reader encounters them. I thought this was very skillfully done. The characters too were well rounded and real. I never got the feeling that they were just there to fill in a space. They demanded their space and time to be heard.

There are a few typos here and there which I'm sure you'll be able to correct - several "a' and an "of" were missing but I was too engrossed in the story to note where they were. Also in the first chapter, you hadn't left a long break between the first sequence of Paul's death and Meg starting her new life. It would have been good if the break was more obvious.

I'm giving you 5 stars and will back you soon.

All the best for the rest,

Shirani

Chocolate Cake Dreams

Hi Helen, I'm half way through the uploaded chapters and wanted to give you some feedback.

I'm a fan of stories told through multiple characters and I do think you have dealt with it very well. I never felt confused about who was talking or stumbling over the switch in character. The personalities of each person is coming through very well. Meg seems to have lower self-esteem and been buoyed down by the family she married into - there are little glimmers of why she stayed with Paul but on the whole you feel the marriage has had a degree of coldness. Nerida and Adam are perfectly horrible. I had a good impression of Caitlin but kept wondering what on earth she was doing marrying into this family, until I read the end of Ch 3.

I'm not as sure of Angelique yet, I think so far she is the weakest picture and she feels somewhat left out. I can see how you are drawing Meg, Caitlin and Joey together but not as certain yet on how Angelique will be pulled into their lives. That's not a criticism, just an observation.

A couple of notes I made whilst reading:
Ch 1 - 'Even the woman in chair beside the bed' - missing a word
'Thank god' - capital G
'Even the thought of the courage needed...And even sitting here on a Friday evening' - repetition of even, combined with evening
Ch 2 - It is clear to see that Joey has matured quickly as a result of her flaky mother. So, I'm undecided about the line where she refers to Angelique suffering teenage angst. It doesn't feel like something one teenager would say about another but Joey isn't your average teenager.

Your narrative and dialogue are well written and I really like the theme of choices and how they can be limited by the will of others.

OK, excellent and concise pair of pitches there, Helen, and nice opening so, good job, this is now on my list/s. (You need to add a few search tags pronto. Nothing too obscure and just enough of them to give potential readers a better gist of what to expect from your novel. That'll also help to hook more of them faster, by the way.)

CHEERS to you and very best of luck with Six Weeks in Summer. (That title's pretty sweet, too!)

E.R.

LF40 Review - Chpts 1 -3

Your writing flows beautifully, it is full of good description and yet has an urgency about it. The dialogue is believable and the switch from dialogue to narration is done seamlessly. You draw your characters exceptionally well and give them their own 'voices'.

In very few words you manage to convey to the reader the emotional situation. Thus we learn the imbalance in the Meg/Paul marriage and the 'elephant' in the room of his mother. We quickly sympathise with Angelique, empathise with Joey, and want to throttle the insufferable Adam. This all seem so effortless to the reader that it disguises the hard work and talent that has gone into the writing.

I only noted a few 'nit picks' - mainly because I was enjoying the writing so much:
Chpt 1
Suggest changing the para break to one line later in "it was a house for heavens sake, what did it know?
Eliminate occasional doubling of words " . and mostly it was still. Even the crickets had stopped. And Mum still wasn't home." Do you read your book out loud? It helps me eliminate this sort of thing.

Chpt 2
You had Meg "sit down with a bump" in Chpt 1, I am not sure that she should "Sit down with a thump" in Ch 2?
I think you have missed out an 'of' at "Her mothers face leapt out .. in front (of) a building"

Just a couple of brilliant bits of description - I love " There were dust motes . . .", and in Ch 2 " They treated each other with mutual ignore."

Now that the structure of the story is developing (end of Chpt 3) I am really keen to read on. I have WL and will back as soon as I have space on my shelf. Excellent writing, it deserves to do well.

I have so far only read the first section of chapter one, Meg's story, and although I don't spend a great deal of my time on or off this website reading literary fiction I was captivated. Your writing style is excellent, from the description to the narration I cared about Meg's story and could feel how lost she was in the wake of her husband's death. I will definatly keep reading.

Good work!

I enjoyed the uniqueness of each character, they all stand on their own. Their voices are individual too. I found myself touched by your writing, especially with Meg. I'm beginning to feel for these characters which is rare treat when reading the small amounts we do on this site. It's the kind of book I'd read then pass along to my mom and my friends. I feel that it's celebrating the bonds women have in all stages of their lives. I didn't find anything to mention that didn't work.

Good luck with this, I see it doing well. I'll star for now and shelve in about a week! Thanks for this, it really gave me that warm fuzzy of a special book.

Missy

I like your style and voice - can't wait to read more. Welcome.

I have read all of this and am happy to recommend it to everyone. It is a delight.

I love your writing - it's elegant and polished, with a distinctive voice. I love for example how the coffee shop owner refers to the "long black". Hope I'll get the chance to read more.

The themes of facing the truth and finding a 'voice', emerge early in this attractive and well-observed story.

The introduction to the book is impressive, with Meg at her husband's deathbed. His passing is beautifully observed, with the finality of death and continuation of life blended simply and quietly in this first opening paragraph. Meg slowly begins to recognise the strength of her own values and identify - kept below the surface whilst her husband was alive, but now released.

The story has a gradual convergence of characters, each with their own pain and loss to cope with, and the author draws us slowly into their lives. Managing a range of characters, all integral to the story, is never easy, but the author manages this well, tantalizingly & effectively so sometimes, as a particular thread reaches a plot crossroads The story slowly builds momentum, and by ch. 3 Meg is faced with the odious Adam, her nephew, who tries to possess her home for himself and his wife to be, Caitlin. He believes it should come to him by family right, rather than Meg.

There is a gentle humour in the writing and the way truth is revealed in subtle, telling ways: "But Paul hadn't wanted children and she hadn't fought him hard enough to win'. The loneliness of the teenage Joey is highlighted by her Friday night spent playing Monopoly with her step-brother, whilst coping with the sudden loss from the household of her mother - who it is revealed has abandoned them for her latest righteous environmental crusade.

The dialogue is natural and completely believeable. I liked the easy relationship between Joey and Theo, and the tension between Meg and her imperious sister-in-law, Nerida, is quite palpable; largely conveyed through dialogue. The thwarting of Adam's plans over the meal was a delight, and I almost cheered when Meg stood up to him! He is not finished though... and thereby hangs the tale.

This is a gem of a book. I loved the detail and the way the plot builds momentum without fuss or undue haste .
I found myself genuinely interested in all the characters; all were recognisable, and very human in their self-deceptions, strengths and frailties.