Fantastica - short stories and poems

Your writing is passionate, romantic and emotional. Really good descriptions.
I think short stories do well on the net. You should enter some competitions. Some of them have terrific prizes.
Myself, I find it hard to write short stories!
Two little nitpicks, you don't need a comma before the word and.
Is there a word such as 'relaxedness'? I've never heard of it! But maybe I'm wrong, have to look that up!
Anyway, all the best in your short story compelation, you have a poetic soul!

Hi Andrea,

Your poems and stories are very vivid and have a lot of symbolic meaning. They're wonderful to read and sometimes remind me of my own short stories. You have excellent 'framing' techniques in your writing where symbols are contained within an outer context of images which also (sometimes) are contained by even more meaningful imagery. I'm actually very jealous!

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories/Alecner

What a fantastic book. This is a far cry from what I usually read but I definitely enjoyed it. Your imagery and rhythm are fantastic. I read through the first few and I especially liked “Mysterious Dream” and “Back in Time”. They were both great. Thanks for the read and for opening my eyes to a new experience.

Went through your script and must say how colorful the poems are. The short stories still need a bit of work. I don't want to be told the story, I want to be guided through and experience what the character sees, feels, etc. That will bring our your creation into more of a masterpiece.

Greetings,

I have read through 8 of your stories and poems. I like how you tie most of the poems and stories together with the theme of magic, but I felt that your poetry feel a lot more polished than your short stories. The stories had a tendency to _tell_ me what is happening rather than showing it to me, which resulted in me getting bored with them quicker than I should have. I liked the Gym story the best, since it often had a bit of more active voice. That said, I do feel that this has quite a bit of potential and I hope that you keep working at this.

Good luck!

I love the consistent themes of magic and discovering oneself that seem o pop up with each story and poem. It's given me some personal inspiration on how to go about the flow of the next book I'm writing. Can't see why this won't soon be sitting upon my bookshelf.

Brian
Páistí Avalon (which I hope you can spend a wee bit of time to read)

Hi - your poetry is lovely and fresh - I really enjoyed reading them! Would you in turn like to read my novel, Commences? I'd be interested to know what you think.

SJB

I'm in awe over how descriptive and detailed your stories are. Each one of them captivating in their own way. I really don't have any suggestions other than to keep up the good work.
Highly starred!

Christine Rees
Spark

Mysterious Dream is full of beautiful imagery. There is a surreal feel to this that is evocative of a dream, so the ending fits well. I would suggest giving the main character a name so the reader’s bond is tighter, especially as there is no real threat to the character in the story. Taking a guess at the word length, I would say this is Flash Fiction.

I’d Love to go to a Place is a crystal sharp poem with clear imagery. There is a sense of yearning and the counterpoint is created by the reader wondering what the alternative reality is.

As a Child instantly creates a child’s eye view of the world. There is a sense of wonder in this piece.
Back in Time is another glimpse into the world of a child, but through the eyes of an adult looking back. The wonder of childhood is still there. Nice one.

Bedroom window is a positive piece, but I get the sense of the narrator being trapped in the bedroom, although not resenting this. Vivid imagery and the wonder comes through.

In My Dreams. I wish my dreams were like that. I like being taken out of the mundane into the fantastical. Nicely done.

Gym Day. I am noticing hot tight the point of view is and how we look out of the character’s eyes and not ten feet over their heads. This story might do well in a Young Adult market.

Paper Round. Plausibility issue with this one. I did a paper route as a kid and I remember all the papers for a route had to be delivered that day. Seeing any owners/residents was also very rare. Love the imagination, though.

The Cottage. This one is more of a child’s tale and I could see it doing well in such a market. I’d like to see more of what Coral looked like, though. A better visual of the aunt and the wizard, too.

The Waterfall. I’d like to see this expanded a tad more. Why was Megan escaping into the picture? What was the reaction of her mom and her friend when they saw her there?

Travelling on a Bus. I am tempted to say another children’s story as they accept things better than adults. This has more of a dream sequence than a real slice of life, but there again, that is the anthology’s theme.

Vinegar Bottle. I will say right now that I am not a fan of the second person usage. It is distancing. I’d be more inclined to make this first person. Lovely imagery.

New House. There is a missing comma between lovely and unusual on the last but one line. I am sort of missing seeing the persons talking in this story. I can see what is happening around them, but not the persons themselves.

New Neighbours. A nice letter, but it doesn’t bring the people to life, as in their appearances. However, this could do well in a children’s magazine.

The Willow. I rather think this is people seeing things that they always wanted to see as children and never did. Love the voice in this. The news snippets work well.

Rainbow Bubbles. A poem of wonder and delight. Very well crafted.

Down Steps. Lovely imagery, but the second person view point is a very tough sell. It is distancing.

Ok, generally, there are some very nice pieces here. Have you tried marketing them on their own? I would suggest going to Ralan.com, or Duotrope and taking a look at the magazines and anthologies accepting shorts and poems. I believe all your shorts come under the heading of Flash Fiction, for which there is a growing and paying number of markets. Getting shorts and poems published by paying markets is a great step up in the route to finding an agent for books. Just a thought.

I’ll put this on my watch list for when I have room to shelve it. Seems sad that we only get five slots. Sigh. Rated highly.

Andrea,
Your delightful short stories and alluring poems are brilliant products of the imagination. Authonomy has further reminded me that there are still some remarkable poets in this world.

Verlandieu

The poems are interesting. Fresh from what I am used to, but since I don't know a whole lot poetry I focused more on the short stories. You have some great ideas throughout. They are intriguing, fascinating, and really create a nice place for the reader's mind to go to. I do feel like the descriptions are a bit rough. You aren't showing the images you are merely telling them and as a reader it is hard to stay within the story. I think with a little fine tuning, this could be great. Best of luck on reaching the Editor's Desk.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

Hello my new writer friend Andrea, I'd ask you for your autograph but since we are cyber I'll wait until the book signing that in your near future. You definitely have a vivid imagination which is a blessing as a writer. You actually have a way of bringing words into vision if you can understand what I mean. I love your uniqueness in putting poem into a storyline. You will most definitely be going on my bookshelve as room permits
.

Andrea,

I really didn't know what to expect when I first started reading through your collection. I'll admit, it's a bit out of my comfort zone, but I found myself really enjoying the feelings your writing envokes. There's something ethereal and whimsical about your descriptions and, like one of your other reviewers said, it’s almost childlike in its innocence and vivacity. Overall, I really enjoyed this and I would love to read more from you.

Jennifer Nichols
Age of Eden

Hi Andrea,
this is an unusual collection of thoughts, dreams, impressions, feelings and realisations, which you either vocalise in poetic form or as prose. On first glance the writing seems simple and childlike in its expression, but as I followed through the chapters I received images which were very deep and moving.

Light, nature, the skies, care-free bubbles as well as worry-free thoughts and wishes were placed side by side with the other aspects of life, dark, unhappy, threatening, unsafe and overwhelming. You present both and put them into contrast with each other by intertwining and weaving dream and fantasy into ordinary household items, be they walking machines, paper-rounds or garden scenes. People change and transform, adults come and go and so do friends and situations.

I found this an interesting and highly unusual read and am glad you drew my attention to your book. It will soon be on my shelf.

Ame
Wolfmother and Normsville Trilogy

Your poetry is precious and so evocative of childhood. I love how you have a silken thread that runs through the poems, like a string of different buttons that are all connected. I also like the underlying feeling of cheerfulness and safety, almost a promise of a happy ending. Some of your poems, such as Back In Time, are like cotton candy that just dissolve with sweetness. My favorite by far, though, is the paper route story, especially the girl with the bonfire. It made me feel as if I should be remembering something wonderful that I've forgotten over the years.

I define good poetry as this: it gives me feelings, and this makes me feel peaceful and pink. Thanks for writing me, I'm so glad you did.

I rate it 5 stars.

Hana Bathir
Sea of Jasmine

I'm really not qualified to comment on poetry, but your writing style seems good and the flow reads comfortably.
Sorry I can't be more hopeful, but I hope you do well.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

I read several pieces from this anthology and am only commenting on the short stories. I did enjoy simplicity of the poetry, I find it difficult to comment on it.
Mysterious Dream (8): I enjoy dream sequences and this group of dreams evokes memories of places I've been and things I have seen. I very much like the simplicity and the ending line; "Take heed. these dreams tell us the future, says the wise man." This pulls the whole piece together and gives greater meaning to the sequence.
what attracted me to each piece was the imagery of dreaming and the childlike quality of each subject. I also felt that the short stories read like poetry, although each contained a little more narrative, but not what I might call a short story. This is an interesting series of pieces that might be developed further, and the entire compilation might be better with something added to pull all the pieces together.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

Firstly I'd like to say that for compilation work, an index is really useful! Anyway I've only read chapters one and eight so far. Skipped the poem chapters because...well I'm useless when it comes to poetry lol. Some editing comments firstly:

First chap - The hole is dark, but (there is) a man playing a haunting tune on a cello.

Chap 8 - grabbed me and said that "I won't ask you again" (not sure "that" is needed here).

General comments:

Chap 1 - Good writing, some nice use of language. I was intrigued, but then the ending disappointed me a bit. I was expecting more of an explanation, maybe some link between all these visions. I was thinking towards the end that maybe this girl was in a coma to be honest. That would have given it some emotional depth too.

Chap 8 - I liked the conversational tone of this, the feel of innocent mystery and nostalgia. It's very sweet. One issue I had was the mention of the sister at the beginning. She is not mentioned again so it seems a little irrelevant, the same with their high unusual names.

Will consider backing this for next month. Good luck!

Your poetry is whimsical and enchanting. It takes me back to the magic of childhood, but also far and away to another world. Your short story in chapter one reminds me of Fantasia.

Crit It Forward:

I have to say, that short stories and poetry aren't my thing, but I can appreciate both and, tbh, your pitch sucked me right in. Houses that can be bought with a couple of semi-precious stones, girls with odd paperrounds - love it.

Ch1 - love the intrigue, the different visions. I'm looking forward to the rest of the chs to visit these places - I'm expecting these visions to be the thread that connects the stories and poems. A nit - "The hole is dark, but a man playing a haunting tune..." - is playing? After Ch1, I'm intrigued, excited at the promise of all the things the pitch promises.

Ch2 - the pattern of "I've love to go to a place..." is nice to start with, but I wanted it to build to something - for the rhythm to change, perhaps some discordance. Although there is a simplicity to the structure, the imagery is lovely. I'd like to go to those places too.
Ch3 - again, love images.
There are some lovely images, many sparking memories of my own childhood. I found the structure simplistic, but then I wondered if this reflected the MC looking back at her childhood.

Sorry, this isn't a terribly helpful crit. I find it impossible to crit poetry - it's so personal. I can only appreciate it. And on the whole I enjoyed it. It's not difficult to get in to. The prose about Eliza at the gym was my least favourite Ch- as a short story it lacked a rounded plot, and as a part of something else, I'm not sure where it belongs (and with what).
The Dream sequence I really liked - it had feeling, imagery, and the potenital to take me to all those places. I just want to go to those places.

The seven chapters I read, feel like a bunch of separate poems etc, (I read up to and including ch7) and that's what I expected from your pitch. But after Ch1, I expected it to tie together more - I wanted it to tie together more.

Overall, it was an enjoyable read - I just want those opening Chs to deliver some of what the pitch offers. Then, I'd be hooked. Clearly, you can write - you have the language, the imagination, the words. So keep at it, anyone who uses Lego in poety, is doing something good in my book.

Cx

Hi Andrea,

I just read through your opening piece and first three poems, a few pieces in the middle, and your last piece. I think your biggest strength here is a lot of great imagery that's beautifully expressed.

In your opening piece, I do agree with your other commenters that it would be helpful if you broke up the long paragraph into smaller paragraphs, for the sake of readability. You seem to have done this well in your last piece (Chapter 16).

I think the biggest thing this work would benefit from is a preface or more detailed pitch that explains to the reader what to expect from the work. If a reader comes to this expecting a narrative arc or even a collection of short stories, I think they would be confused. What you've written seems more experimental than those more familiar forms. But if you explain up front your intent--is it perhaps to be a set of poetic visualization exercises? some writing experiment to induce some dreamlike state in the reader?--their expectations will be a little more open.

Best,

Maudie

Dear Andrea,

Your concept of a journey through a dreamscape is fascinating and filled with potential. There is so much excitement in the ideas you are trying to get across.

Even dreams need a little calculated assistance, sometimes. For example, can you break up your first long sequence into smaller paragraphs without losing its dream like quality? This would help to give the reader a gentler introduction to your writing.

All the best

Fran Macilvey :-)

Hello Andrea!
I read Mysterious Dream you did a good job in my opinion of describing the dreams it was fluid almost like watching a movie. I used to write like this when I did poetry and prose so I see your visions and can relate. I enjoyed reading the first piece and am intrigued and will keep reading.

~Ro

I find the subject of dreams fascinating. The content is vivid and well written. Stylistically, it might read more fluidly with longer sentences and shorter paragraphs.

She's walking along a passageway, the floor a glittery white and the tiled walls a polished pink and silver. Along these walls are mirrors, showing not her reflection as would be expected, but beautiful landscapes found all over the world. She approaches a door at the end of the passageway, which opens, showing rolling sky blue mist and blue lights that flicker like candle flames.

The dream changes, and she can't see herself now, but observes the ghost . . .

Hope this has been of some help.

Laith

I enjoyed your poetry more than the prose. Your free verse is sparse but tight. The dream sequences where ok as far as dreams go but I had a hard time getting into them. I know you were hoping to achieve a wow response from the reader with your "twist" endings but for the most part I could see it coming.
Keep writing. You diffentely have a knack for it.
I put you on my watch list. Check out my book when you can.

Hi Andrea,

Thanks again for backing Shining Dawn. I've read the first four pieces of Fantastica and will read more later. I'm not a poetry person, so I won't be able to offer any advice there. But I took the liberty to do a short review of the prose piece.

Mysterious dream. The fragmented and often incoherent nature of dreams has come through nicely. It would have been so even without your explanations, which have only served to somewhat break the flow. Suggest you rephrase some sentences so that they don’t sound explanatory. Better let the reader dream along with you and draw his/her own inference. You need to smoothen out the creases a bit.

I’d love to go to a place. Me too.

As a child. Nice and subtle. Growing up and watching childhood dreams wither away only to be replaced by newer older ones. Some good. Some not so good.

Back in time. I wish I could.

Regards,
AGC.

Andrea,

Popped into this book when it made the Weekly top rated list. This seems highly unique and different when compared to the other novels on this site. Read the first short story and the first 2 poems and loved them. Great Work.

There's not a lot of poetry on here, so it's nice to see some. I'm working through them and will comment again.

Hi Andrea,

Loved your pitch, so I thought I’d stop by.

“sky blue” should be hyphenated there in that dream.

I love the dream and beginning with it makes sense. I’m not one to critique poetry (or rather I won’t critique it), but I will say I enjoyed it. It’s pleasant and soothing and I could see picking up your book to capture an emotion in the moment.

My favorite is Back in Time.

Good stuff! Best of luck with it.

If you get the chance, I’d invite you to check out my pitch and read on if it interests you. I’d love to know your thoughts. It’s a bit darker than your stuff, but it’s fantasy, so it might be a good fit.

All the best,

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

I like the dream at the beginning, the vinegar bottle and rainbow bubbles.

You have a dreamy and playful imagination :)
I liked what I read, though not my genre.
I was wondering as I was reading whether you have thought about making one of your short ones.. a longer one. You could definitely write for MG... Just a thought. If there is a plot on your mind... give it a shot :)
Your poems and your short ones made me feel at ease and a bit lighter. Thanks.
5 stars from me to help you get noticed.

Yannis

Andrea, I've taken a little time to have a look at your book. I should say right off the bat - I am not generally a poetry person. However you do have a couple of short stories in there too I see, and those I can get on with.

I think you have a good imagination, and a lot of power when it comes to description. I think your first chapter might not be the best one to be first, purely because it should set the tone for the rest of the book and it seems like a piece that would be better suited to the middle of the book, when the reader has relaxed into your style.

I'd also agree with the previous reviewer who mentioned a need for more structure. At the moment it feels like there's no connection between the different poems and stories - some feel autobiographical, others feel spiritual. Definitely consider what sort of focus you want.

Good luck with this, thank you for backing me briefly and I hope this goes well for you :)

Thanks Leelah

Basically, they're just products of my imagination
although there are probably things based on real life.
But then, that always happens doesn't it? lol

Dear Andrea, there is such an innocent feel to this book. You are describing visualisations that we all are able to have, and you do it in a way that takes us into your images.
This could also very well be a spiritual book: your own spiritual journey, described by your stories. In that way, It may bring a sense of structure to the book that it maybe would benefit from having. Lovely stories - but i am feeling a sense of, "what is it for?" which tells me that you maybe in contemplating what your purpose is in writing this book is, you would find the book become even richer.
In your own way of using fantasy and visualisation, you might ask your book what it needs to fill fullfilled? I am certain it would tell you.
I would be happy if you looked at my pitch, and maybe read something from it: "When fear comes back to love."
Best of luck to your book here - and get a new cover :-)
Leelah saachi