The Abyss Wars Saga: The One Council

A fascinating, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Just read your opening chapter, and you have succeeded in drawing me into the story! I really like the imagery as Shantor Jahl glides over the sea, and you create a nice calm atmosphere. A calm atmosphere, which you know sooner or later is going to be pierced by something….

A great beginning, I’ll definitely read more and this is going on my watchlist.

Hope you will take a quick look at my first fantasy novel in a series of nine – The Awakening: Dawn of Destruction. Let me know if you’d like to do an exchange of some detailed comments.
All the best, Cara

To be honest, i have never read a novel on this high of the fantasy section and normally stick to the fantasy area that hits closer to home.
That being said, im quite fasinated with the world you have created in this novel. The idea of travelling in dreams to a world completely different then the world you live in is amazing. As im reading it im bothing thinking about the individuals in the dream world as well as what their lives are like when they are awake in reality.
Your writing style is very vivid and fast paced, which is something i enjoy. Your characters are intriguing as well give off an exotic feel (maybe its more the dream state then the characters) and although challenging, it is still easy to follow along and get lost in this mystical realm.
Ive highly rated you and will keep you on my WL to keep reading.
Amanda

I love traditional fantasy, and so I had to read this.
You have obviously created a very detailed world. I love the place names you’ve come up with, and the character names, too.
The dialogue is very formal—brings to mind Tolkien and other masters of this style.
I only read the first few chapters but I felt that I was getting slightly bogged down in all the characters—I’m not sure who the main character is, who I’m supposed to relate to. They all seem fairly distant. I felt like I knew more about the world you’ve created than the characters in it—what they want, what they feel, why they’re doing what they’re doing. I didn’t get a sense of personal connection with any of the characters that would compel me to find out what happens to them. It left me feeling a little detached.
Just my opinion, and I wish you luck with this book.

I did notice a few grammatical errors.
In the first chapter:
You have: “The first two struck at its feet, but swallowed the rest smothering them in darkness.” Shouldn’t it be: “The first two struck at its feet, but it swallowed the rest, smothering them in darkness.”
“looked at the source of the fire balls, Koyran’s flying ship.” I think you need “looked at the source of the fire balls: Koyran’s flying ship.”

In chapter two
“He welcomed them smiling, sat on the seat at the head” I think you need another comma: “He welcomed them, smiling, sat on the seat at the head”

Hello Yannis,
As requsted, I've looked at the first two chapters of this book instead of the one currently on the Editor's desk.

I really liked your opening chapter and was totally captivated by the concepts of travelling into other people's dreams and meeting other travellers there. Your language is superb, flowing melliflously and really adding to the picture you're building of this world in your story. You reminded me of Ursula Le Guin - not sure if that's a compliment for you or not(!).

This book is at the highest Fantasy end of the genre and not usually what I pick up because there's so much knowledge you have to allow the author to lead you into which in the past i've found overwhelming and so i tend to stick to fantasy which has some 'logic' or known facts from our world so i've some ground on which to stand as i'm pulled into a new world. However, i kept pace with the many concepts of your story and didn't feel like I was floundering at all. The annotations at the end of the chapter I found certainly helped to that end.

So what I'm actually saying is that high Fantasy can be really hard work for me but you're work isn't. Your words travel on the page easily; almost fatefully, which is why I think this book is worth the 6 stars i've given it and to be on my watchlist.

I don't doubt this book will also find itself on the Editor's desk soon enough.

Kind Regards

Maria :-)

I've been reading through deeper into the story and find myself really connecting and enjoying myself. The descriptive issues I stated previously are not an issue at all. You provide enough detail for me to see what's happening and then imagine the rest. In fact it's quite refreshing not to be overly descriptive which I believe is a problem I suffer from. So I apologise for that previous statement.

The characters are well developed, and as a previous reader has stated they have excellent original names!

Really enjoying this, I'll have to check out your other book as well. Added to my shelf!

Super Harsh Critique Service!

I'll update my thoughts as I read. Remember, this is as unforgiving as a Spanish Inquisition at a Wiccan festival.

First near miss, 'Circling over the sea, diving and ascending again...' I hate 'and'! I try to like it, I really do. Wouldn't 'diving then ascending again' be better? To me this is minor enough to keep reading. I could just be overly sensitive... in fact there's a good chance of that.

Okay, second 'and' just bit me. 'There was nowhere to rest on that sea, and Shantor Jahl willed for a rock with a tree...' In my mind, he willed for it because there was nowhere to rest. The word 'and' makes me think his willing is just circumstantial. Shouldn't there be cause and effect? Or maybe make a second sentence? e.g. 'There was nowhere to rest on that sea. Shantor Jahl willed for a rock with a tree...' or, 'There was nowhere to rest on that sea, so Shantor Jahl willed for a rock with a tree...'

Okay, two 'and' strikes so I'm out. Because it's a minor thing and I'm so sensitive I'll go 3 stars. lol

Now the positives. I think the wording is beautiful, very descriptive. To me it is crystal clear, so I do not have to reread to discern what is happening. If I wasn't so precious about the use of 'and', I would certainly keep reading.

If you disagree with me I totally understand. Perhaps you can change my mind about 'and'. I will of course read again and change my rating if given a reason to. There, I even used the word 'and' for you in a moment of weakness...

Paul.

Just read chapter one. It's a lot to take in, thrust into the dream world where a lot can change and obviously can be almost anything it wants to be.

I like the setting, I like the idea and the story is intriguing, I want to see what happens next.

The only negative I have is that I feel there's more that could be explained in regards to settings and details. You explain where they are, who they are, but not specifically what they're wearing, or the settings in great detail. This makes the story very fast paced, which is not a bad thing, but its pace stops me from taking a moment to imagine what I'm seeing.

I want to know how the light plays off the silver hawks feathers. What the mages wands look like, be them solid and clinical, or natural and twisted like parts of a tree. What does the dream city look like from afar, or up close. The people, the smells the sounds.

I'm probably asking for too much, but some extra detail would help maintain the pace for me.

That said, this is a fine and fantastical piece which has intrigued me and left me wanting to read more. Which I probably shall :)

I hope this helps.

Yannis,

Sorry if it took long. I wanted to read all of your chapters before I commented on your book.
I'm not going to hide sharp iron beneath soft feathers. From what I've read, it is clear that you do not lack
creativity for the building of Anarth. The political and background settings are well enough detailed, if not too eagerly written, especially in chapter 2.

Yet there's the main point I wanted to get with you, and it's probably you've noticed and improved yourself in 'Book of the Forsaken'. Your story is fine. We understand the intrigue between the Layle Ren necromancers and the One Council's traditions. But for most part, you've contended to write out too much of the back story instead of showing it in the character developments--in their personal struggles, thoughts, interactions.

Characterization. It's too much gray without. I have the feeling that I'm looking at a complex house from above, seeing all the windows and shutters, yet not from inside. It's hazy. You've a lot of characters without much flesh, names without souls. The best example is in chapter III. The narrative is shown in a further objective way; you overview the town of Kraes, specifically in an inn. It's a mess. We have thoughts of the innkeeper then some of the 'old man', which is completely confusing. Again, there's no reason we should feel anything toward any of the characters in the chapter but you do not seem to focus on that. Perhaps you intended to keep their identity blurred, as agents of the Council? If so, you can work to make it much more believable and clear.

The reader in my opinion, should feel compelled toward a character because of her personal story and the genuine connection she/he has with the plot. Even in fantasy, a character should be believable when we see their motives are reason enough to fuel the story. Get personal, like in Book of the Forsaken. Perhaps you've done this further after chapter 10 (and if you did, just tell me!) For example, in chapter IV when you first introduce Mard... what? Who the hell is that? Why should she care about the council? What's her personal drive toward the plot? Is it only a work, business attitude?

I'm going to stop there but If you want more feedback, just ask. Overall, your story is creative and I admire your need and talent to stand out originally--something that few writers can boast for. Descriptions start off as cutting and vivid. My point from this comment is that you've framed the story well, only it is not fleshed enough for what I've read this far in my opinion. Get personal. The characters need more history, more thoughts about their emotions. This I know you improved already in The Book of the Forsaken, and that's probably why it's currently no. 2 in the website. I backed it because I liked the story anyway.

My best wishes,
Michael

i have read the first chapters, i like this, i like it for its feel and its courage, the fantastical and the psychology of the dream intertwine, we have what good fantasy and sci fi does, explain our world, though i think there are some jokes here on the reader, the levels upon levels creates thick stuff and it challenges the reader like a chess game, most likely making this well worth the read for the serious reader, i am not sure why, perhaps something in my polish american heritage, tells me there is slavic myth here, needless to say i am staring it well, best wishes

Hey Yannis, I read chapter 4. It is really good, the pace seems to be consistent with that of chapter 3. Lots of new information, but you explain it all fairly well.

I don't read a lot of fantasy - I've read Tolkien and CS Lewis and I don't know if Harry Potter even qualifies...haha. It was a little tough to keep track of the different roles that the characters are cast into: sentient beings, mist walkers, cabals, necromancers, etc. But I assume your readers will be heavy fantasy fans, so others may not have this same issue.

The name Andrei kind of has the same issue as Adam in the last chapter...almost makes the combination of Voevod and Andrei sound like a couple of Russian thugs lol.

Two minor things: when you describe the old man sitting down in the bar, you mention the "cloak that covered his entire body". I think you don't need to mention how covering it is, because generally cloaks are supposed to cover the whole body, no? it sounds redundant.

Also as he is going up the stairs, and he points out the money pouch, he "smiles at the bartender as if he knew something the other man didn't". But you've told us that the hood covers his face entirely, so it is confusing to mention the details about his smile when I've already assumed I can't see his face...you know?

Either way, these are minor things. The story is well crafted and carefully put together. I'm backing it! Good luck. :)

Right up front, I already enjoy this even more than your previous book. Fantasy is much more my passion, and you do a fantastic job capturing my attention. The opening scene is intriguing and beautifully constructed. The prose matches the setting, creating a dreamy sort-of-feel. It’s a subtle start, but you pique your reader’s curiosity well. The chapter continues well and hits its peak once they reach Prince Adam, which left me eager to continue to the next chapter.

As a whole, your writing has truly blossomed. I enjoyed The Book of the Forsaken, but this was much more accessible. I would definitely buy this at the book store. If I were to leave you with any advice, it would be to take the strength from your previous work and bring it into this one. The character development was far and away the strength of The Book of the Forsaken, yet it’s lacking here. By the end of the first chapter, I want to know your characters better.

Other than that, I found no fault. This is writing at its best. Well done.

Hey, so this time around, chapter 2 made more sense. I also re-read the synopsis to gain a general understanding and then used my imagination to fill in the blanks if I didn't understand something specific. The questions that come up areL 1.) what exactly is an arcane tradition? 2.) who are these sentient beings? is this still part of the dreamscape that we saw in chapter 1?

I read til the end of the chapter and got that these are some mystical beings, responsible for the well being of that world and they are being called to war. The reading does get much easier after the first section of this chapter. Again, your style of writing creates some very compelling imagery.

I found some misspelled words and awkward sentences towards the end: when you describe the dining room, you misspelled as "dinning". Also you wrote Aurem "entered the room in a lively pace": this sounds awkward. "with a lively pace" or "in a lively manner" would sound better.

Also, someone else mentioned this...when you use old world language, it has to be spot on...like every word, every phrase has to be olden style and not something that the reader would recognize from our current style of speaking. Inconsistencies between old and new style language make the writing look shaky, even though your skills are very strong. But they cause the reader to do a double take, and you don't want that. On this issue, some examples are:

-1.) all the names of these beings sound very exotic and old fashioned, except for prince Adam. While yes, Adam is literally the oldest name in the book, it sounds out of place amongst all these other names for some reason. Like I can imagine a conversation between two people named Adam and Holly, not Adam and Shaantor Jahl. You know what I mean? It's a name that is still current, and you should limit the associations the reader will draw between your story world and the real one out there. Unless Adam is supposed to be some link between the two worlds, in which case disregard what I just said.

2.) why is Aurem, a highly regarded leader, drinking grape juice and not wine or mead? I think you should change this...again grape juice is synonymous with our present day stuff and worse: children. You don't want this to be devalued by associations with children/ childish things.

3.) when Aurem speaks, I definitely expected old world language in his speech. That's how the story is being narrated, so when the reader comes across a king or someone in high power, they definitely have to "talk the talk". But he talks in a plain manner, and said something like "executive"...decision, or something, and I don't think the word executive fits with olden language.

4.) Also in your narration, in the last chapter or so, you say "call it a night", which is like slang. You can't mix phrases like this with the olden, fantasy type of language.

I'll read chapter 3 tomorrow and leave you my thoughts on that.

Sharon

Hey Yannis, I read the first couple of chapters and here are my comments:

The first chapter is incredible. I love the way you set the scene; as the reader I felt slowly drawn in to a world that is completely different than the ordinary. The dreams, traveling in and out of them, the Sleepers and the beast tearing at the sky, which got smoky and black...I felt like I was IN the scene. I could picture it very clearly and the imagery was very compelling. There are a few sentences that sounded awkwardly phrased, but they were minor things an editor would catch.

Really beautiful way of describing what is going on in chapter one.

In chapter two, you lost me. There seemed to be a million different things, people and concepts being described in The One Council, without much help for the reader to visualize what those concepts are all about. The sentences feel very heavy with description, but there is almost too much information and it feels overwhelming. I found myself reading and re-reading full paragraphs of chunky wording and still had no clue what was being talked about.

Also the footnotes are a little difficult to deal with. It feels too textbook-like to have to skip down the page to see what something means and then back up. Maybe it would work better to weave the descriptions into the narrative.

I think the simplicity and carefully paced narration in chapter one should be retained through the rest of the chapters. Slow the descriptions down and explain a little more clearly.

This is a really great story with a lot of potential! High stars from me.

Yannis,

I just wanted to let you know that a friend of mine, Scott Toney, sent me your way and I'm really enjoying The Abyss Wars Saga! This is a fantastic read and I've gladly rated it 6 stars and am backing it until it reaches the desk!

Have a fantastic New Years!

- Julieth

I really like the use of the dream-world itself as the Fantasy setting; dream-logic as the basic physics of the world is marvelously handled.

I'll withold what few criticisms I might make and just focus on the strengths here.

What really strikes me is the way the setting enables characters who are both empathic with the reader and yet able to exhibit god-like powers; that's hard to handle in Fantasy, and I've not seen it tackled this way before.

It's an approach that could go horribly wrong and become incomprehensible if not done well, but the dream-images here are woven with a very clean storytelling style that works well. The whole feel of the piece reminds me of Lovecraft, not for the horror sub-genre he's usually associated with, but in the use of dreams as Fantasy settings; a fascinating way to do it that I'm not sure I could employ nearly so well.

Comment II

Back for a little bit more. I've read on into Chapter 5 and 6 now, the story heats up certainly, but I am still not convinced by the distance of the narration from the action. For example, at the beginning of chapter 5 we have some wonderful special effects, the cabals teleporting in, wow, but this amazing event is glossed over within half a beat of sentence. I don't think it is just a preference thing, I think you really need to look at the place you are telling your narrative from, such a rich imaginative world but at the moment you still haven't woven the narrative around me in a way that will propel me forward. This almost feels like a draft where you flesh out the hinterland and back story so that when you come to write the polished draft you so know what is going to happen you can tell the story from the right angle, through the right characters. You do not pile up the tension, offering lots of intricate detail up front but not exploiting those dramatic moments to the greatest effect. Having said all that, you have a great story to tell here but I don't yet think you are maximising the intrigue and the tension, chapters need clear beginnings, middles and ends to keep you turning those pages.

Sorry it feels like I've been so hard on you, but Yannis, I love your ideas
Andrew W
(Benevolence)

It's quite difficult to write about this...this feels it's come from anime/manga mixed with dream theory. I like it, it has a strangeness about it, it's going on my WL, definitely. I can imagine it being turned into the next anime movie, it has a certain 'foreignness' about it.

The Abyss Wars Saga: The One Council

I have read quite deeply into this and have some comments. I hope they are useful. The depth, breadth and power of your imagination is absolutely not in doubt, what an epic adventure, what an epic imagination. My main suggestion is around story however and the plethora of complex characters and geography and lore that hits us in the first three chapters. I am sorry to say that I lost interest in the intricacies because I was experiencing buckets of back story and could not find the narrative thread that strung it all together. I was in awe of the imaginative detail of your construct and I love fantasy, but I really, really wanted a simple narrative pathway to guide me through. Complexity is great but it, in my view, needs to be weaved in and around the central narrative. The opening in the dream-land was well done but still too distant from the action to really make me feel like I was in the driving seat of the narrative and this was going to be an intimate showing experience rather than one where I am told lots of stuff. I was told lots of stuff until chapter 4 where I discerned the stirrings of an interesting and engaging narrative.

I think you write beautifully and I think you imagination is second to none but the storying really, in my humble opinion needs work, you need to grip us with a single, shining narrative thread that then propels us through the wonderful detail you have created here. I didn't find I cared for any of the plethora of characters until chapter 4's stirrings and narrative intrigue and this will be a big problem if it is not just something that is simply my view. I wish you well with these works, I have no doubt that you have the depth of intelligence and imagination to pull it off, but for me I wanted more narrative bang for my buck. Would be happy to read any revisions.

Best wishes and best of luck
Andrew W
(Benevolence)

I've read the first couple of chapters and intend to read to the end. I just wanted to leave my thoughts on this so far. I love fantasy. It is one of my favorite genres and I have a fantasy project on the backburner at the moment myself, so I know the difficulty it can be to express the world you so clearly envision to others who have never seen it.
I'm very intrigued by your world of 'Sleepers' and 'Dream Worlds'. It's an interesting idea. And I can't wait to get to know your characters better and discover exactly what's going to happen.
My main opinion would be that footnotes on a story of this length aren't really necessary. Why not try perhaps working it into the story? Just a thought.
I am enjoying this and will be reading more soon.

Melinda

One word describes this better than any...fantastic. I found the story great, the battles were well written and the characters were well done. Can't wait for the complete version.

Daniel

What an incredible journey! Brilliant storyline, a fantastic narrative voice, and great character interaction, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this amazing piece. Well done!

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

incredible. lewis caroll and darren shan would be proud.

Hi, Thank you for the opportunity to read your work. Fantasy is not my genre, except for J.R.R, and his I only like in movie form. As I read through chapter one here are some things that I noticed. 1) it seems as though the story line is a bit forced. I am not sure if you intended for it to be this way. 2) 3rd paragraph. "come" should be "came" and "bows" should be "bow" 3) 13th stanza: comma after ship. After the three ***
1) 1 Paragraph: rework 1st sentence, flow is not good. 2) need period after shoulder 3) 2nd paragraph: I am a little confused by this. I thought that Shantor was the hawk.... 3) comma after dispersed. 4) remove comma after "while" 5) "They left the ship..." consider reworking that sentence. Idea: They left the ship and emerged onto a rocky mountain slope.
That is all I have for now. Will visit again soon. going to put you on my watch list
have a great day
Trish

Just getting into it I found the undertone lurking, waiting to be found out. Epic fantasy is a good description. Good luck with it.

I'm here for your second upload... well, I liked the other one better. I think it's the secondary world thingy that doesn't do it for me... just a matter of taste I suppose. Your words flow well -better even- in this one too. You are on my shelf from this moment :) Good luck with it too!

sofia

Wow! that's all I can say! And it's not even my genre!! on my shelf!

Can't think of anything better than the epic fantasy genre. The story -I'm in chapter 12- is great! There is this darkness under it all waiting to make itself known. Can't wait to read more. Well done!
6 stars and on my shelf.

Vivid imagery, with an editor's help, it could do well. I will read on and will let you know if I find anything out of place. Good job overall so far. 6 stars and on my shelf for some time.

Omikron81

Great work Yannis, loved both your books

This is not really my genre so it's difficult to comment - but all I can say is that you have the makings of a very good writer! Writing really takes years of practice to become fluid and fluent - keep writing. This is really amazing work - sweeping imagination and beautiful descriptions. I like it very much and will read more. The only thing I feel you should be careful of - is using the word 'The' to start so many sentences. Try and avoid. It immediately slows down your pace. When you find other ways of putting the beginning of your sentences across, you will find a better flow to the work. But otherwise, well done!

You write well, but this is absolutely not something I would read for pleasure and there seems to be an awful lot of fantasy around at the moment. That could be a good thing or not. I've had 'Who's The Fool?' turned down once because 'it's not what people are reading at the moment' and once because 'there's too much of this sort of thing about...' Hence my confusion! Sorry not to be more use, and good luck anyway.

Quick notes for chapter one:

1. The worldbuilding was pretty decent, so that drew me in. There's enough mystery left to make me want to continue, but it's detailed enough to still set the scene (something a lot of fantasy worldbuilding fails at). Good job on that!


2. The dialogue was less admirable. Like John recently said, there's this tendency for fantasy authors to use archaic language when they're writing, and it looks pretty poor when they aren't studied linguists. The speech felt stunted and unnatural at times; you'll have to work on that a bit, because it really broke whatever sense of mysticism the world provided me with.


3. The prose didn't feel as odd as the dialogue, but you could definitely touch it up. The long periods of description especially need looked at; in an attempt to make it sound poetic, you've made those blocks of prose poorly-worded and occasionally tautological. I understand that it's a first draft, but that's what these critiques are for!


4. This is a common error among anyone who gets fantasy inspiration from tabletop/video games, but bards do NOT traditionally play instruments. Historical bards were a particular class of Irish poets, not musicians; while the term became conflated with other ideas later on, there are better words to use. For instance, a minstrel is specifically a bard who plays music along with their poetry, so use that word instead. Otherwise you risk the chance of "D&D Syndrome".


5. Watch yourself when you introduce fantasy terminology. There's this tendency for people to try and set their world apart from Earth by throwing in five or ten completely new words or capitalized nouns (e.g. Sleepers) in one block of dialogue. It's more economical to slowly introduce a reader to these things so that they aren't completely broadsided by large passages of dialogue that they can't remotely understand. The thought process behind using so much fantasy terminology, I think, is that the reader will later feel like it was written as foreshadowing and they'll be able to fully understand it on a second reading.

This process assumes, however, that a reader will actually look at a book twice; there are very few books so popular that average readers will look at them multiple times. And if a reader DOESN'T have a chance to reinterpret the words, then they were essentially completely wasted, because there are better ways to build words than through enigmatic proper nouns. You haven't done this TOO much in this first chapter; it's just a warning for later chapters--and later books--to not get bogged down with made-up words.

6. This is hardly something that you can change easily, but 70k words is quite short for an adult fantasy work. Try to aim for the 90-110k range for later books, or it will be more difficult to sell/market them.


I'll get around to reading more later on. You've done a decent job; frankly, I like the other manuscript you've uploaded because it feels less trite than this one, but I'll reserve my full judgement for later.

When I reviewi fantasy I always ask myself the question "Is this a world in which I can lose myself?" and in the case of "The One Council" that is most definitely yes. You have a strong clear voice and engaging characters. I haven't read enough to comment on the plot, but there is a very clear sense of the pieces being put in place for a story of epic proportions to unfold.

I have one small quibble. Fantasy writers sometimes cannot resist the temptation to slip into pseudo-archaic language, especially in dialogue. You're nowhere near as bad at this as some, but one that really got my hackles rising was "It is well sounding" in Chapter 1. Why not just say "It is a good name" -- language that is strong, direct and timeless?

That one quibble aside, I am happy to back "The One Council" and give it five stars.

Best wishes and good writing,
John Bayliss

Five and a Half Tons.

Looks interesting, added to WL for now and will take a look when I get the chance

I am very impressed by this book. Your voice flows steadily. You have created some interesting characters as well as a plot. I only managed to read first two chapters but you captured my imagination straight from the beginning. I enjoyed the descriptions of your main character floating in this dream that relaxed him. That part was just brilliant. I see some ppl suggested corrections that need to be arrested. Well, I am glad you have a second book out. Bravo. ;) I gave you 6 stars foe now.

Read random chapters. The consistency of the language is apparent throughout and the author 'voice' is strong. I am guessing that this is aimed at readers aged about ten onwards as it has the 'feel' of books like Elidor. An older reader, however, would still get a lot out of it. I can see illustrations with this. Only minor crit would be the name Vulcan. For me it has too many images already attached - god of fire - star trek etc - which get in the way of forming fresh images. Your writing also has an Arthur C clarke feel about it too. There are a few idiosyncracies of language but that adds to the unique flavour of the book. :)

I am loving this book. The first chapter was a little rough, but only in the very beginning. Once Shantor Jahl meets Vulcan, it seems to go a lot smoother. Chapter two was incredible. It got me hooked. This is reminding me of old school fantasy, like an Ursula K. Le Guin writing style. I am seriously impressed that book number two is already finished. The unfortunate news is that someone is going to have to be bumped from my bookshelf to make room for you because I have to finish this one. Five stars!

(edit) And I just realized I have both of your books on my books shelf. This was not purposefully done. Admittedly, I wasn't looking at the author's name. I guess I really must like your writing style.

Wow, I read some of this, and you really have a talent for creating new and interesting worlds! I have to admit though, it took me a little while to get into the story, I really had to concentrate to keep up with all of it, but after a few chapters I really got into it! I did see a few typos, not many, but I'm guessing you're still editing and polishing, of course you are :-) You have such a wild imagination, just like your first book, I found myself going "Wow!!!" I know the book still needs some work, but this is really a great premise, I love the idea of traveling through dreaming! Your writing is really descriptive, maybe a little too much some times, and apparently that's a bad thing, I don't know, cause it's exactly the same way I write, but I've had some comments suggesting to tone down on the descriptive parts. There were one or two sentences where I had to read it again, just to make sure I understood it correctly.
All and all, I really think this book is going to be just as popular as The book of the forsaken! You are a very talented writer! And you already know that this is not my kind of thing, but I absolutely love the way you think and write! I read up to chapter 7 and I will definitely read more!
Well done my friend! Finishing a novel is a great accomplishment! And you have two up here!
Good luck with the editing and re-writing!
Alret
xxxxx

Your world is fully realized and I can respect that, but already in the first two pages that I went through it seems to be suffering from the usual pitfalls of its genre. The descriptions and names of things: the thing--the unknown face…it all just seemed like a little much. There is also a lot of "over describing" going on. But, that being said, I think with a heavy bowl of polish, this can shape into a great fantasy story. It has the pacing and setup of some of the greats in fantasy and I can easily imagine opening this book and seeing a great map of the world you've created.

These aren't grammar critiques as much as they are examples to emphasis my point.

-"The boat was black and so were the clothes of the one rowing."
-This sentence seems to be more about style than actually fitting in with the story. You can be creative without being incredibly cage about something as simple as just explaining that there is a guy in there dressed in black. I had to reread the sentence a few times.
-"Men! Drop the anchor!" yelled someone. Try "someone yelled" or "a man yelled"
-"insubstantial anchor" There is a lot of over describing going on in this opening chapter.
-"the unknown face" I think all of the faces on this ship are unknown. I'd find another way to describe this.

I'm not going to mimic the line of "you can do better" because I don't feel this is a finished product and it has a wonderful amount of room for improvement. It'd be worse if there was nothing you could do to fix it. Keep writing, my friend.

First impressions after an admittedly brief look at chapter one:

You can write a better blurb, Yannis, I know you can. About half of the current one is good, it needs a clean-up to bring the rest of it up to your usual standard.

Into the first chapter: too many words. I know that sounds a weird, coming from Mr 300k-mss, but the concepts and images at work in the opening paragraphs would benefit from being more firmly and tersely delivered. How firmly and how tersely is your bag, but some editing is certainly needed; the ethereality of the dreamscape should be balanced with definite concepts so that the reader has something to anchor on while they drift through Shantor Jahl's perceptions.

Great name, btw: Shantor Jahl. Love it, wish I'd thought of it. Difficult to kick off a Fantasy with a name like that, but you do it well. Difficult also to introduce the concept of shapeshifting so early in the narrative, but that too you do very well.

Congratulations on getting another book public in authonomy! You are a very talented person, Yannis!

Sincerely Yours,
Ivan

I really liked chapter one of this book. I feel overwhelmed in chapter two (The Chapter 3 link), as though there is too much to keep track of all at once.

I stopped reading at the *** about half-way down the page.

[EDIT]
I re-read this page and got a slightly better understanding as to what is going on here. I think I was just suddenly overwhelmed trying to keep up with the names of the places and characters entering the story. It's like they are being announced instead of introduced, if that makes any sense.