Legacy of a Warrior Queen

Dear Maria,

This was the most amusing story I’ve read so far on this site.
My frugal knowledge of history was never called for to appreciate the charm of this wonderful tale.
Although, I must admit that you seem to have put in some rather impressive research into getting the background right.

Characterisation was brilliant. I began to sympathise with Arawn and his father from the very beginning.
And the plight of the slave boy was indeed deplorable.
The writing as far as I can tell is flawless, and the narrative bears the signature of an accomplished storyteller.
Left to my own devices, I would normally avoid historical fiction, but this one was so very different.
I’m so glad that I read it. It’s more of fantasy and less of historical details.
The plot develops at an even pace and the real flavour is in the clever imagining of alternate social dynamics and utterly engaging characters. I’ll read more as time permits.

Meanwhile, 6 bright stars for ‘Legacy of a Warrior Queen’.

Best regards,
AGC

Hi Maria,

I finally got a chance to check out your story. Below are some things I noticed. They are, of course, my humblest opinions.
I have a problem with the short pitch. I have no idea what the story is about and you don’t hook me. Is the story about her conquest to defeat the Roman invaders? If so, why should I read? You just told me the result. Is it about her reign after? Why then don’t you make the pitch about that? Seems more important and more of a draw than telling us what she already did. Just something to think about.

I really like the long pitch and the premise, though I think at times the long pitch even gets a bit wordy. Not a huge deal. It’s good stuff.

Prologue

The prologue is beautifully written. Not sure yet of the relevance, but I can imagine. I’ll have to read on.

Chapter one

I have to admit, I’m not fond of the character names. Maybe I’m just slow, but when a reader has to think hard on how to pronounce a name, it gets distracting. Again, that might just be me.

“An obvious amount of salt littered the ground still,…” This is awkward and I don’t think it reads the way you want it to read. It sounds like the amount of salt that’s on the ground is an obvious amount, not that the salt is conspicuous. Perhaps another choice of words?

“—what should he do?” I’d change the emdash into a comma. Dashes are overused and generally discouraged by publishers from what I hear. Plus, if he’s thinking it, it ought to be italicized.

“There!” Delete this. With your writing skill, there has to be a better way to express this.

Do doors slap? I think of a slap as slapping across someone’s face, not into a face. This is confusing.
“Gingerly he pulled it back…” should be a comma after “Gingerly”

Your writing is very powerful and very polished. It was enjoyable just to read your sentence structure. The only thing I can say is that, while I understand that the society is ruled by women, do you mean the men to be slaves? Because that’s what they seem to be made out to be. Just curious, because so far I gotta say, I’m not a fan of the women. They seem to be the antagonists. Maybe that’s what you’re going for, though.

The writing is strong. Very strong. It doesn’t surprise me that this is having early success. It’s easy to get behind. I’ll have to check out more if I get the chance. I’m still uncertain about where it’s going or whether or not I even like the characters. The MC is a wimp, and everyone else is a pushy tyrant in their own way, but love the premise, the originality and the writing.

Best of luck with this. I look forward to hearing your thoughts about Deshay of the Woods when you get the chance. 6 stars and I'll be recommending this to some folks I think it might be a good fit for.

All the best,

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Hi Maria! Would love to read you book, but can't! Reason is - I'm writing a screenplay about Boudicca, and I don't want to copy you. What to do? Well - I'm going to place your work on my shelf, so others can find it and read it. Hope that makes sense! Good luck and many blessings for your novel!!! (on WL for now)

Jim

Wow Maria,
This just gets better and better. I love the way you tied it all together at the end of chapter nine. With Arawen being the major playing in between the two tribes. Very clever plotting indeed.
Once again flawless writing and expert crafting of the characters. I wanted to eat at Nia's table it sounded so good!!
The whole piece reminds me of a Shakesperian plot with all the treachery and deceit. Good stuff!! Those damn druids!!
Will read on, if you post more, I'm even more intriguied now.
Cheers for posting more,
Jacoba

Hi Maria,
Don't know quite how I stumbled on this, but I'm glad I did.
I read all five chapters. Now I'm no history buff and have no knowledge of this period in history so I'm not your target audience. So, the good news is despite this I got caught up in your story. I think it doesn't matter so much where you place a story or give accurate background details etc...if you don't have authentic characters and a plot driven narrative you won't suck the reader in. And you definitely have the later two. I love hearing the story from Arawn and Rosmerta's POV. I initially got drawn by the thought of women ruling the land and men being controlled by women. ( Mind throughout history, men have always thought they are in control, but behind every man....so they say...)
Some of the scenes took my breath away. I loved the fight scene with Mother attacking to stop the bonding of the tribes. The dream Arwan has after killing his sister with the crucible full of her bubbling body, was so vivid and horrible at the same time. The gaunt telling the first stories of the one god and his son- loved how this entered the plot. Makes you realise how strange this story would have been to those who'd never heard it back in this time period. The small details you add in such as the market places. I felt like I was there.
I really enjoyed this. I can see why you are already published, you have a distinct voice for this genre and a talent for weaving a great story.
If you upload anymore, let me know. I'd like to know whether Arwan's dream comes true and he gets to work for Rosmerta. And how the tribes will merge together. If they merge together...so much more I'd love to find out.
Cheers for the read,
Jacoba.
Will watchlist and try and put up on my shelf next month. I"m surprised more people haven't read and commented!!!

Hello Maria,

I read through chapter two, and I really like this :}. As a previous author of an alternative history book, I appreciate what you are doing. I love historical novels that are mixed with fantasy elements. With this in mind, I do have some suggestions.

First off, you do a great job of creating a world and it's many cultures. Some examples in the book include the different factions in society and their religious beliefs. The only thing I noticed that was missing was the in depth historic reasons for how the world change. For example: I got the impression that the world is now ruled by women and men are a minority. That's an original concept for this type novel, but I felt a lack of explanation as to how and why the world changed:

1. Why and how did Boudica's victory turned men into a servant class?
2. What kind of a life did men live? Were they more restricted by the tribal laws?
3. How did her victory change the outside world?
4. How did this event change the leadership style of the conflicting clans?
5. How did the economy change due to the changes? Did the men become poorer?

You're a master of the fantasy aspect, but as you know, for this genre you need a more realistic version of fantasy.

As for your concern about the dialogue, I didn't see anything wrong with it. Although the chapter may be a bit long which may make it seem long-winded.

Six stars :} Good stuff.

David

I've really enjoyed reading this excellent book, Maria, and I'm glad to see its moving up the charts as I think it deserves a 'first' place. It's exciting, full of fire and action; It would make a great movie. Only one slight nit-pick, the names are hard to pronounce in my head, but since I'm only reading it, that doesn't matter a bit. (What a pity the rule of 'women being the superior race' doesn't apply for ever. Imagine Henry VIII's joy if only daughters were of value) A great story. Well done and good luck. Backed with stars and on w'l.
Great front cover by the way.
Kate Grimes - LIZZIE -CUPPA TALES -TALES OF WILLOW GREEN -ANNIE.

I have just backed your book. Perhaps you will return the favour and back mine, Penrose - Princess of Penrith. If you do, many thanks.
Regarding your question as to where to find information for that period. It really depends where you want to set the story. Roman sources for the roman period. Welsh chronicles for anywhere that was not invaded by the Anglo-Saxons and of course your imagination. Read my book and see what is fiction and what is fact, even better, read my first novel, The British Viking, published in 2008 and still availble through Amazon and any British bookshop.
Whatever you do,best wishes, John.

I know of Boudica from my Civilization 4 days! I like your cover, but the words are a little hard to read. Remember that your short pitch will be the only description showing up on the HC home page and in the book search, and to someone who is not familiar with Boudica, it may seem as if you are giving away the ending. Your story is 300 years later, but they will not be able to tell that from your short pitch.

There is an extra 'the' in the second to last line of your long pitch.

Other than that, I took a brief look inside the book and I like what I have read so far. You seem knowledgeable about the time period and your writing is smooth and easy to follow. I haven't found any other grammar/punctuation mistakes or anything I would like to see changed. I am looking forward to reading all four chapters.

I am happy to put your book on my shelf. :-)

Additional note: I was reading aloud and my son took an interest. He is also a Civ 4 fan and the medieval time period is one of his favorites.

An interesting period of English history , which seems to attract a lot of modern attention - you certainly make a good start with Tacitus.This a very convincing , realistic gritty picture of Ancient Britain , Watchlisted and starred. I wonder if you would be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes , Strachan Gordon