Mrs. Maginnes is Dead

I rarely give six stars, but wow, this is an exception. A fun, witty, hilarious, and remarkably polished and detailed work is what can be found in "Mrs. Maginnes is Dead." I absolutely ADORED it (and I can't, quite frankly, remember the last time I used the word "adore.")

The characters are well-drawn and interesting, particularly Socorro. In a less masterful work, she might have seemed like too much to handle. In Maeve Sleibhin's hands, however, she is thoroughly believable and her background even creates some comedy gold and helps set up some nice atmosphere and contrast that makes the Scottish setting even more drab and sad. Nice! The little section headings are funny and effective; once again, if the story and writing weren't up to par, they would have fallen flat, but here they are perfect. The tension is created solely around whether the neighbors will tell the lodger that her landlady is dead--and because this is a comedy of manners, this is a thoroughly engrossing tension.

The only minor nitpicks I have are A) there are too many characters introduced too fast when Grace, Hope, and Joy show up (although this is a comedy of manners and I think it works; I wouldn't mind seeing all these characters and the first chapter on the stage--they would be over-the-top awesome), and B) the last sentence of Section III throws me off somehow (wouldn't the wind be pushing the rain, not pulling? Is the comma after "rising" the right placement?) I get the idea, but it somehow doesn't work for me.

I will be reading on to see how everything develops, but for now, "Mrs. Maginnes" has a well-earned place in my backings.

Daniel Rider
"Indian Summer"

I was longing to put this on my shelf and I finally had to have it. (Sorry Dave.) A modern old-fashioned comedy classic! If that sounds confused or contradictory - well it was meant to, but in the nicest possible way. This is simply superb and should shoot up the ladder of success. Thank you for the pleasure you have given me, Maeve.

Tonia

This was one of the most charming things I've read in a long time.

Dear HarperCollins, 'Mrs Maginnes is Dead' will probably be arriving on your Editor's Desk in due course; but just in case it fails, due to some hideous natural injustice and/or quirk of the authonomy system, please read it now and publish it. It really must become a proper book, and preferably a film too...

Mrs Maginnes Is Dead By Maeve Sleibhin ComLit review

Maeve, your pitch entices me. Its tough to beat the combination of hooks in that pitch.
Oh, lordy! You begin with a classy intro. I know this was used in days of yore, and my favorite book also utilizes this format, ie: Chapter 2 “In which Pooh goes visiting and gets into at tight place.”
I'm not comparing this with children's writing, it simply got me started on the right foot.
Oh my, dialect! I must admit, I cannot understand Glaswegian when it is spoken, but the old lady's “Doone thire anroit” made me feel perhaps I am finally mastering the language.
I like the little introductions to the sections. So far, this is what I would call classy writing. This word might mean differently in Scotland. I mean superior, well done writing. Like a magician with words, very skillful, very carefully placed. “Socorro put her lonely chin in her equally lonely hand.”
“In which the narrator alludes to Celtic poesy” Maeve, your words are like poetry, deliciously arranged.
And the suspense is building simply because Socorro doesn't know where Mrs. Maginnes is. Of course, “She's in church.”

V: In which Socorro is astounded. For some reason, this title made me laugh aloud. Here we go: “That's me. I've been living in Portugal.” “Whatever for?' Hope asked. Marvelous!
Good Lord! Now I know why you use a goat as your picture on Authonomy! “Your bloody goat defecated on my dance floor!” Chapter one ends with a feeling that the author is a genuine genius at writing!

Chapter 2:Thith ith marveloth! I do not feel literate enough to know what great humorist to compare this with. Thurber? I can't remember how he wrote, but Maeve writes like someone great, for certain. I can see this book with a few pen and ink sketch illustrations.

Chapter 3: “A feeling of freedom and wide open spaces” Goat cheese? I have a feeling I am reading something written around 1928 which has survived until this day as a classic of humor. As I hope this book does survive. Now, the thoughts, longings, and sensitive feelings of a goat. The wonders never cease!
The goat, and next an entire long paragraph describing a scream. A paragraph of marvels.
This book is so good I am unable to comment further, as unending superlatives would not, could not be believed. This is book which must be read, and must be published.
Maeve, I doff my hat to you! Jed Oliver (French Roast and Lingerie)

Really nice read!
Highly starred again and is being backed to the final.

Valentine But

Hi Maeve,

And now for Chapter 7…

1) ‘as a warning for better behaviour – a divine sign, portent…’
the insert inside the hyphens actually gives analogies for ‘warning’, so I think it would read better if it came immediately after that word. As it was, I had to go back and reread what the ‘divine sign’ etc was referring to (ie better behaviour) so the story lost its flow.

2) ‘nothing worth prosecuting’
I thought they prosecuted people rather than things. Maybe you could say, ‘nothing worth prosecuting anyone for’ or ‘no-one worthy of prosecution’

3) ‘about 50 metres away’
numbers should be written. Thus, this should be, ‘about fifty metres away’

4) ‘see the detectives, and’
remove comma

5) ‘more or less’
hyphenate

6) ‘pure, clean, anorexic blade’
I love this. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard of a nose being described as anorexic!

7) ‘well tailored’
hyphen

8) ‘a observation’
‘a’ should be ‘an’

9) ‘From the start’
comma after ‘start’

10) ‘The death knell…’
You change tenses in this chapter and I don’t think it reads as well as it otherwise would. It’s still the saleswoman making up a story, after all. So it should still be;
‘The death knell of their idyll would, however, have been sounded even before it had begun. From the start their relationship would have been hounded by a veritable multitude of paparazzi. And, one fateful day eight months after they arrived in Tahiti, a photographer from The News of the Galaxy (and Other Alternate Planes), flying out in a helicopter, would snap shots of a topless…’ etc.

11) ‘One moment please’
comma after ‘moment’

12) ‘do Pasty Kline’
I could be showing my ignorance, but I thought it was ‘Patsy Kline’ (Just googled it. I actually ended up with ‘Patsy Cline’. Is that who you meant?)

13) ‘against the five sets of finger’
Is this meant to be ‘fingers’?

14) ‘Socorro took her fingers off the cup’
If the above is meant to be ‘finger’, then so is this; and vice versa.

15) ‘those damned Americans’
remove comma after ‘Americans’ or remove ‘damned’

16) ‘the English language for crying out loud and’
commas after ‘language’ and ‘loud’

17) ‘a shrine too’
comma after ‘shrine’

18) ‘whispered, “ready?” in a’
capital ‘r’ for ‘ready’

19) ‘looking carefully over Prudence’s shoulders’
How does he look over both shoulders? Wouldn’t her head be in the way? Should be ‘looking carefully over Prudence’s shoulder’

20) ‘munificent mustachio’s’
remove apostrophe

21) ‘these mustachio’s’
as above

22) ‘come in’
capital ‘c’ for ‘come’

23) ‘did it too and look’
commas after ‘it’ and ‘too’

24) ‘full grown’
hyphen

25) ‘foot high’
hyphen

26) ‘light colored’
hyphen

27) ‘Professor Iskander looked at Peter’
New paragraph

28) ‘ “He’s an architect’
New paragraph

29) ‘did you study.’
Question mark after ‘study’

30) ‘What for’
question mark after ‘for’

31) ‘heavy face taunt’
‘taunt’ should be ‘taut’

32) ‘self control’
hyphen

33) ‘is a actually’
remove ‘a’

34) ‘definite assent in the world’
‘assent’ should be ‘asset’

35) ‘but the it’
remove ‘the’

36) ‘what has troubled’
‘has’ should be ‘had’

37) ‘head over heels’
hyphenate

38) ‘six year old’
hyphenate

39) ‘obtain the control and perhaps even a part of it’
‘and perhaps even a part of it’, is a bit confusing. Maybe use ‘or’ instead of ‘and’. Alternatively, remove it altogether, as it isn’t really necessary.

40) ‘ill will’
hyphen

41) ‘hard earned’
hyphen

42) ‘twice yearly’
hyphen

43) ‘her sisters Faith and Hope in’
commas after ‘sisters’ and ‘Hope’

44) ‘lamentable but not sorely missed early’
commas after ‘lamentable’ and ‘missed’

45) ‘Professor Iskander stared’
New paragraph

46) ‘ “Sir,” Prudence continued’
New paragraph

47) ‘eight miracle mix cigarettes’
I think ‘miracle mix’ has always been ‘Miracle Mix’ before this? Maybe do a word-search on this and make sure they are consistent.

48) “Yes sir?’
comma after ‘Yes’

49) ‘finds it, yes.’
Question mark after ‘yes’

50) ‘Yes sir.’
Comma after ‘Yes’

51) ‘you found anything’
question mark after ‘anything’

52) ‘Not yet sir’
comma after ‘yet’

53) ‘hope so sir’
comma after ‘so’

54) ‘to aid it. Yes.’
Question mark after ‘Yes’

55) ‘Yes sir’ (twice)
comma after ‘Yes’

56) ‘enjoying Scotland’
question mark after ‘Scotland’

57) ‘high pitched’
hyphenate

58) ‘and added, “you will come’
should be ‘and added, “You will come’

59) ‘ “Yes sir, I will sir, thank you sir’
should be ‘ “Yes, sir. I will, sir. Thank you, sir’

60) ‘Yes sir’
comma after ‘Yes’

61) ‘ “Any luck’
New paragraph

62) ‘Joy (said), reading’
remove brackets?

63) ‘blond bimbo’
should be ‘blonde bimbo’

64) ‘Whose, you Father’s’
should be ‘Whose? Your Father’s’

65) Yay! New Zealand!

66) ‘did you get the hair dye at least’
should be ‘Did you get the hair dye, at least’

67) ‘brother Jerry fought’
should be ‘brother, Jerry, fought’

68) ‘her cousin Bob’
should be ‘her cousin, Bob’

69) ‘cross country’
hyphen

70) ‘Faith told Guerric’
full-stop after ‘Guerric’

71) ‘do tell’
should be ‘Do tell’

72) ‘force feed’
hyphen

73) ‘I was only saying it was like peanut butter in its cultural specificity’
This, by now, was a little confusing. Maybe say ‘Marmite’ instead of ‘it’.

74) Just an aside. All Marmite in NZ was (is?) manufactured in Christchurch. After the February earthquake last year, the factory was damaged to such an extent that production stopped – but they didn’t tell anyone. They had a lot of stock and sold that to the retailers, intending to get their factory repaired and production back up again. Only the earthquakes have kept coming, making rebuilding (of anything) exceedingly difficult in Christchurch. And the stock ran dry. They finally had to admit that there was no more Marmite being produced and the factory would not be operational until this coming July… You can guess the rest. There was a run on Marmite in the shops and within twenty-four hours there was no Marmite to be had anywhere in NZ. Now the stuff is selling for $80 a bottle on the internet.

75) ‘Joy (said)’
remove brackets?

76) ‘aji’
I looked this up in the dictionary (on Word). It said ‘paternal grandmother’. I don’t understand the association.
Okay, then I googled it. I prefer this definition. ‘Spicy sauce’. Much better association – now I understand.

77) ‘did she give you’
should be ‘Did she give you’

78) ‘the Pearly Gates’ speech too’
comma after ‘speech’

79) ‘ “Oh, for God’s sake’
New paragraph

80) ‘Really, think about it’
This should either be ‘Really think about it’ or ‘Really. Think about it’

81) ‘grave robbing’
hyphen

82) ‘Stricken beyond the scope’
New paragraph

83) ‘you have a point’
should be ‘You have a point’

84) ‘nay sayer’
hyphen

85) ‘ “I don’t like this’
This paragraph is indented.

Et voila! Here endeth Chapter 7. Get set for the next exciting instalment, coming soon at a theatre near you…

I’m a bit busy tomorrow, but I should have Chapter 8 to you by Thursday.

Sue

Hi Maeve,

Here’s Ch 6 at last! Sorry it’s taken a while.

Ch 6

1) ‘on it either’
comma after ‘it’

2) ‘beret clad’
hyphen

3) ‘IV. Moving on…’
‘IV’ is in bold. Is this meant to be this sized font? I’d make it the same size as the others. (Actually, I’ve just realised it only does this when I increase the font size so that I can read it (as I’m blind as a bat). But the IV is in bold no matter what font size).

4) ‘You say either’
It could just be me, but I don’t follow this comment.

5) ‘white tiled’
hyphen

6) ‘fully functional’
hyphen

7) ‘god given’
hyphen

8) ‘peaceful tone, said: “you’ll do’
should be ‘peaceful tone, said, “You’ll do’

9) ‘I feel -” she waved her’
should be ‘I feel - ” She waved her’

10) ‘Guerric (concurred).’
Remove parentheses. I think it will have just as much impact without.

11) ‘police station that morning’
full-stop after ‘morning’

12) ‘reflected in hallway mirror’
should be ‘reflected in the hallway mirror’

13) ‘Hope said sitting’
comma after ‘said’

14) ‘and fifty if we don’t’
It could just be me, but I can’t quite follow this. By ‘direct response’, does she mean that the spirits will respond directly? If this is the case it might be better as, ‘A hundred pounds if they respond directly,” Faith said meekly, “and fifty if they don’t.” ’

15) ‘everyone say , “oh, what’
I think there’s a gap between the ‘say’ and the comma that shouldn’t be there.
‘oh’ should be ‘Oh’
The same for ‘ooh’ in the following sentence.

16) ‘oh why did Prudence’
comma after ‘oh’

17) ‘had a multiplicity’
as you are in the present tense (she is merely aware) this also has to be present tense. Thus ‘had’ should be ‘has’ and later in the sentence, ‘deserved’ should be ‘deserve’
However, as the rest of the paragraph seems to be in the past, it might pay to change these (and the ‘consider’ in the sentence prior) back to the past tense.

18) ‘good one, Pru’
capital ‘g’ for ‘good’

19) ‘fresh water’
hyphen

20) ‘once loose’
hyphen

21) ‘utterly innocent is some’
‘is’ should be ‘in’

22) ‘three inch’
hyphen

23) ‘handfuls of being’
comma after ‘being’

24) ‘oh-so-well-bred’
comma after ‘bred’

25) ‘grasping ciV’
there’s a gap after this that shouldn’t be there, I suspect – and the spaces between the lines is wrong at this point. (Again, this may be because I enlarged the font size).

26) ‘said interestedly, “how many of’
full-stop after ‘interestedly’. Otherwise, you would need to remove the first ‘do’ from the sentence.

27) ‘oh, eight or nine’
‘oh’ should be ‘Oh’

28) ‘the goat is the poor’
capital ‘t’ for the first ‘the’

29) ‘ “Come on now’
Should be a new paragraph.
Comma after ‘on’

30) ‘And they’re no chips’
‘they’re’ should be ‘there’re’

31) ‘as most days did’
remove comma

32) ‘rip roaring’
hyphen

33) ‘Good one Pru’
comma after ‘one’

34) ‘and she by calling a herald’
should ‘by’ be ‘be’ ? I can’t follow this sentence otherwise.

35) ‘horse riding’
hyphen

36) ‘into the once and sadly no longer immaculate’
commas after ‘once’ and ‘longer’

37) ‘Someone rang the doorbell.’
New paragraph

38) ‘studied the houses’
you use ‘house’ again later in this sentence. Maybe change one. Or say, ‘stepped quickly into theirs’

39) ‘great dark shining eyes’
commas after ‘great’ and ‘dark’

40) ‘what it was, “let’s get’
I would make this ‘what it was. “Let’s get’

41) ‘executed them, sullen but’
change the comma to a semi-colon

42) ‘rose pitch by pitch to form’
commas after ‘rose’ and ‘pitch’

43) ‘candle light’
one word

44) ‘Perhaps ever a casual’
Should ‘ever’ be ‘even’

45) ‘Faith placed a restraining’
New paragraph

46) ‘Madame Zorba shrugged unhappily’
New paragraph

47) ‘to say ‘ah well! next year’
should be ‘to say, “Ah, well! Next year’

48) ‘Peter slumped in his’
New paragraph

49) ‘Peter nodded vehemently’
New paragraph (At the moment it sounds as though Peter said the previous sentence).

50) ‘ “Turn those lights’
New paragraph

51) ‘light switch’
hyphen

52) ‘carrot holding’
hyphen

53) ‘to crash resounding’
this should either be ‘to crash, resounding’
or ‘to crash resoundingly’

54) ‘Why thank you’
should be ‘Why, thank you’

55) ‘doomed! I am’
capital ‘d’ for ‘doomed’

56) ‘it’s a long story’
capital ‘i’ for ‘it’s’

57) ‘Mrth McInneth goat’
‘McInneth’ should be Maginneth
should be ‘Mrth Maginneth’ goat’ (as it is the goat of Mrth Maginneth)

58) ‘quite well Father’
comma after ‘well’

59) ‘my ladeith’
should be ‘ladieth’

60) ‘her tholath’
I would be inclined to put ‘tholathe’, otherwise the reader is inclined to read the ‘a’ as a short vowel.

61) ‘What the-” she began’
should be ‘What the - ?” she began’

62) ‘figure out that whatever was going on in this house it was far from Catholic and quite possibly not even Christian, the goat, after due deliberation, came to the conclusion she had been seeking and shot like a bat out of hell after Snowy.’
Should be either, ‘figure out that, whatever was going on in this house, it was far from Catholic, and quite possibly not even Christian, the goat, after due deliberation, came to the conclusion she had been seeking and shot, like a bat out of hell, after Snowy.’
Or, ‘Figure out that whatever was going on in this house was far from Catholic, and quite possibly not even …’ (with the same additional commas within the rest of the sentence).

63) ‘not quite white’
should be ‘not-quite-white’

64) ‘where is it’
capital ‘w’ for ‘where’

65) ‘horns and screamed’
comma after ‘screamed’

66) ‘still giggling’
hyphen

67) ‘then entirety’
‘then’ should be ‘the’

68) ‘a goat with feline grace)’
comma after ‘grace)’

69) ‘first class cricketeer’
should be ‘first-class cricketer’ (two changes)

70) ‘good shot Hope’
comma after ‘shot’

71) ‘pistols is evidence’
‘is’ should be ‘in’

I love this chapter, Maeve – especially the end. Sorry it’s been a while getting to you. Back soon, with the next enthralling instalment (ie Ch 7 edits).

Sue

I did not care much for the very first paragraph. I found it to be kind of a blah start to the story. But the rest is really great. You were able to hook me on the second paragraph.

Starred and backed.

You've clearly got a cast-iron grip of English and a real knack for playing about with it. I think the abundance of words here is what made it difficult for me to read too much. It's all very clever, amusing and beautifully observed but I think there are parts that could do with paring down a little. Not in terms of pace, which I think is good, rather to give the reader a chance to breathe. It's a bit like trying to scoff a whole box of chocolates in five minutes. You don't really get a chance to savour much.

Has Socorro spent much time in the UK? I really enjoyed the chilly future she envisaged as she trudged down the street towards her lodgings, but I wondered how she could predict it with such accuracy given that she;s never been to Scotland? I also wondered why Prudence hadn't noticed her hair when she answered the door to her?

Highly starred for originality, energy and of course, the goat. Will add to my WL.

I realized that you invited me to look at this ages ago, and I'm sorry I didn't come read it sooner! Your writing style is light and witty, and I love the humor, especially in the presentation of the section headings and how your "heroine" is progressing in mood (and plot too). This was fun and light-hearted to read. It kept a smile on my face the whole time. I just finished the first chapter and think this is absolutely great. I'm going to give it some shelf time.

Highly-starred. Keep up the good work. :-)

-Sarah E.S.
(Destiny of Species)

This is a good book. You give the reader a good idea of what is going on in her mind. I like how the first meeting with a scottish person goes, you wrote it in such a way even people not knowing of the accent get a idea of what it would sound like. Fantastic so far, i see why it is so highly ranked now

The pitch is strong and makes you think about what could happen and so draws you in.

Dear Maeve
Thank you for Mrs Maginnes. I found it difficult to settle into the first chapter because there is a lot to take in,but by ch 3 I was truly hooked! I feel as if I'm reading a very modern and up to date version of one of Jane Austin's novels. Adjectives such as "a mellifluos voice" and "souciant" describing that attitude of the goat confirms my feelings. As in days gone by,this is not a story to read in haste. Many of the passages grow on one and must be read over-and-over.
I love the way you expertly tell the reader more about the characters. Socorro is a dream and describe her red hair and beauty in such a way that I cannot help remembering secret dreams of being a dashing red head just like her in my younger days...
Mrs Maginnes go beyond the Editor's Desk.
All the best
Kind regards
Maretha African Adventures of Flame Family Furry and Feathered Friends

Since so many have given you corrections below, I would just like to say that I find your story and characters delightful. Each has their own special quirks and build definite images within the readers mind. You have good pulls in the storyline, leading the reader to want to continue to find out about the goat and the gold, how each of the neighbors play into this, will Socorro find success and pleasure eventually living in Scotland, and what adventures she will find in her journeys. Nicely written.

I liked how your characters seemed to be acting the opposite of what their names were.
I was a bit suspicious of them at first, it came across like they had something to hide from Socorro, but then I think if there is gold involved, they won't want to shout about it.
You're a talented writer.

Hi Maeve,

And so it continues:

Ch 5

1) ‘smash up’
hyphen

2) ‘…the drizzling rain, the darkness of the overcast sky.’
This isn’t a sentence, written like this. You could either change all your commas to semi-colons, or say, ‘…the drizzling rain or the darkness of the overcast sky.’ Either one would work.

3) ‘He has been’
should be ‘He had been’ as you’re writing in the past tense.

4) ‘else to go with’
‘with’ should be ‘on’

5) ‘I just finished a batch’
I thought he meant that he’d just consumed a batch, so I couldn’t work out why he was happy. Maybe he could say, ‘I’ve just put together a batch’ or something like that.

6) ‘ “Like to hear it?” he asked.’
You’ve just used ‘he replied’ so I would remove ‘he asked’. It makes everything weak.

7) ‘Guerric and the Aspenall sisters nodded avidly.’
This should be a new paragraph, as should the sentence after.

8) ‘apprenticeship there. But when I’
should be ‘apprenticeship there, but when I’

9) ‘It made me feel a little strange, because I don’t smoke.’
Yes he does. He just smoked a couple of cigarettes out at the goat’s pen. Okay, I’ve read on a bit. This should be ‘It made me feel a little strange, because I didn’t smoke.’

10) ‘Father Matteo and I had made’
If Father Mateo was on his deathbed, he was in no state to make anything. What about ‘I had made under Father Matteo’s supervision.’ ?

11) ‘cigarette making’
hyphen

12) ‘cappucino’s’
remove apostrophe

13) ‘Capuchin’s’
remove apostrophe

14) ‘you feel as if you had betrayed that’
the tenses are mixed here. Should be ‘you feel as if you have betrayed that’, or you could just say, ‘you feel as if you betrayed that’

15) ‘even if you were not a monk’
sounds clumsy somehow. Wrong tense (as he still isn’t a monk) and ‘if’ isn’t right. Maybe try, ‘even though you are not a monk’

16) ‘I thought so too.’
Comma after ‘so’

17) ‘I remembered too’
comma after ‘remembered’

18) ‘stopped his tracks’
should be ‘stopped in his tracks’

19) ‘with a such remarkable’
should be ‘with such a remarkable’

20) ‘Chilly, she glanced’
Grammatically, this should be ‘Chillily, she glanced’, which just looks really weird (even though it is correct). What about, ‘Frostily, she glanced over a chilly shoulder…’? Unfortunately, ‘Chilly’ just isn’t correct as it needs to be an adverb to describe how she glances. As it is, it just reads as though she’s feeling cold.

21) ‘James asked wearily.’ … ‘James said in a weary voice’
These come one after the other. I’d change one of them.

22) ‘think of the re-enact’
should be ‘think of to re-enact’

23) ‘good looking’
hyphen

24) ‘each others company’
should be ‘each other’s company’

25) ‘why bother with tactics?)’
full-stop after the close parenthesis.

26) ‘Sculpture helps me think’
should this be ‘Sculpting helps me think’? I’m assuming it’s the act of making the sculptures that helps her think, rather than the sculpture itself? If it’s the physical item, I’d say ‘Sculptures help me think’

27) ‘three dimensionally’
hyphen

28) ‘massively – if not colossally intrigued’
should be ‘massively – if not colossally – intrigued’

29) ‘the questions please’
comma after ‘questions’

30) ‘when you say you’re bringing a dog into the country they don’t assume it must necessarily’
Don’t you mean ‘when you say you’re bringing a dog into the country they assume it must necessarily’ ?

31) ‘saucer sized’
hyphen

32) ‘something other art form’
should be ‘some other art form’

33) ‘No we wouldn’t’
comma after ‘No’

34) ‘five foot ten’
hyphenate

35) ‘James paused for a moment’
This should be a new paragraph, as should the next line as they are different people.

36) ‘black hafted’
hyphen

That’s all for Ch 5. I’ll try to do Ch 6 tomorrow.

Sue

I rarely give six stars, but wow, this is an exception. A fun, witty, hilarious, and remarkably polished and detailed work is what can be found in "Mrs. Maginnes is Dead." I absolutely ADORED it (and I can't, quite frankly, remember the last time I used the word "adore.")

The characters are well-drawn and interesting, particularly Socorro. In a less masterful work, she might have seemed like too much to handle. In Maeve Sleibhin's hands, however, she is thoroughly believable and her background even creates some comedy gold and helps set up some nice atmosphere and contrast that makes the Scottish setting even more drab and sad. Nice! The little section headings are funny and effective; once again, if the story and writing weren't up to par, they would have fallen flat, but here they are perfect. The tension is created solely around whether the neighbors will tell the lodger that her landlady is dead--and because this is a comedy of manners, this is a thoroughly engrossing tension.

The only minor nitpicks I have are A) there are too many characters introduced too fast when Grace, Hope, and Joy show up (although this is a comedy of manners and I think it works; I wouldn't mind seeing all these characters and the first chapter on the stage--they would be over-the-top awesome), and B) the last sentence of Section III throws me off somehow (wouldn't the wind be pushing the rain, not pulling? Is the comma after "rising" the right placement?) I get the idea, but it somehow doesn't work for me.

I will be reading on to see how everything develops, but for now, "Mrs. Maginnes" has a well-earned place in my backings.

Daniel Rider
"Indian Summer"

Hello Maeve Sleibin,

I just read Ch.1 of " Mrs. Maginnes is dead."
The florid style coupled with the effortless way of writing indeed stands testimony to your mastery of the language.
Dog refuse,goat shit...the awesome sisters,the tactful male character....The descriptions are hilariously evocative of an asylum of eccentric people.

Despite the graceful Socorro ,( the red hair with a body attached to it) being the protagonist of the story , It is the Aspenall sisters who actually hog the lime light,with Guerric delightfully doing role a moderator of sorts.
It is a menagerie(I mean ,menage -eerie )there in Mrs.Maginnes' .

I hold myself not qualified enough to point out mistakes in a book of this standard and scope.
The line '......nightly aural spectacle ' looks oxy-moronish,(but yes,the writer has the so-called poetic licence.)
In OED, It is Savoir Faire (may be the french spelling is different - Savoir with 'e').
I give you 5 star rating.Will be considering your book during the next reshuffle of my shelf.

Meanwhile,I request you to have alook at my book "CATACOMBS" and revert with a comment,time permitting.

Thx & Rgds
SWORDMUZIC

Maeve, I found 'Mrs Maginnes is Dead' instantly engaging. Wonderful writing, a hint of humour mixed with an aged style such as the foretelling of each scene change. Very effective and endearing. Thank God you didn't disappear into the land of Irvine Welsh (I know you were tempted!) with dialogue that, I would think, is gobbly gook to most readers (go see the movie, if you have to, is my advice). Your off beat plot is commendable, a breath of fresh air. I'm backing it with high stars! best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killing Paradise

Hi Maeve,

So, this continues where I left off… Again, just my views. Take what works, etc.

Ch 4

1) I love the references to Poirot and Miss Marple.

2) ‘stopped being friends’
semi-colon after ‘friends’

3) ‘bound to be followed’
semi-colon after ‘followed’

4) ‘The Mezzo’s
remove apostrophe

5) ‘a large red bow,) she threw the’
should be ‘a large red bow), she threw the’

6) ‘ “Oh, for Christ’s sake’
I’d start this on a new line (as the last sentence was general, but this is Faith, specifically, and therefore a new context).

7) Why are the Aspenall sisters in the Maginnes house? I thought they lived next door? And weren’t Michael and Maude bequeathed the house? So why are they letting the Aspenalls in?

8) ‘Hope grunted an assent’
New paragraph. Different person.

9) ‘a nude yet thankfully out of focus Prince’
should be ‘a nude, yet thankfully out-of-focus, Prince’

10) ‘ill will’
hyphen

11) ‘as Hope began belligerently.

“What the’

should be ‘as Hope began belligerently, “What the’

12) ‘several lustful step nearer’
‘step’ should be ‘steps’

13) ‘Faith rolled eyes and’
should be ‘Faith rolled her eyes and’

14) ‘ “Come here’
New paragraph

15) ‘Prudence wiped her hands’
New paragraph

16) ‘carefully cocked’
I’d hyphenate this

17) ‘had quite simply forgotten to do so’
This could be misread to mean that he had quite simply forgotten to drill into another man’s face. It might be better putting something like ‘had quite simply forgotten to cauterize it at all’

18) ‘ “Ah now’
should ‘now’ be ‘noo’?

19) ‘large popping eyes’
comma after ‘large’

20) ‘Mr. Macdonald, still smiling’
New paragraph

21) ‘true born’
hyphen

22) ‘an arm around either one of them’
possibly ‘an arm around each of them’ might be better. ‘either one’ makes it sound as though she’s choosing just one of them, as in ‘either one or the other’

23) ‘said philosophically, “if we coom’
should be ‘said philosophically. “If we coom’

24) ‘Mrs Mcloud said watching’
comma after ‘said’

25) ‘replied, “foor th’Anglish’
should be ‘replied. “Foor th’Anglish’

26) ‘Mrs Maginnes’s house’
Previously you’ve written Maginnes’s as Maginnes’, which is actually more correct, so I’d stick with it.

27) ‘Prudence said lazily’
full-stop after ‘lazily’

28) ‘been too pleased’
comma after ‘pleased’

29) ‘short supply too’
comma after ‘supply’

30) ‘and interrupting in the process her sister who’
should be ‘and interrupting, in the process, her sister, who’

31) ‘Peter sought succor’s eye’
This should be a new paragraph
Unless it’s meant to say, ‘Peter sought Socorro’s eye’, then it’s lost me, I’m afraid.

32) ‘Bloody hell, what?’
Very British, what? But I think it would be better as ‘Bloody hell. What?’

33) How did they know it was Faith who called the conference? It was Prudence who summoned them.

34) ‘to do about the gold’
comma after ‘gold’

35) ‘Joy stood in the middle’
New paragraph

36) ‘else could it be?’ ’
You have a single quotation mark after the question mark (Actually, I think it might be an apostrophe). This needs to be a double quotation mark.

37) ‘Prudence dear’
comma after ‘dear’

38) ‘One whole year’
I’m not sure what this is referring to? Mrs Maginnes hasn’t been dead a whole year. She died only two weeks before Socorro arrived and she’s only been there a matter of weeks – hasn’t she? If it was a year, people would have stopped looking for the gold long since. Oops. Got it. (After reading on for several paragraphs while I puzzled over this). Joy hasn’t been mentioned for so long I’d forgotten about her sculpture. Maybe she could look up from the severed arm still held in her hands? That might clue us back in to what she’s referring to.

39) ‘glance reader’
I’d hyphenate, for ease-of-reading.

40) ‘sake,” she cried’
full-stop after ‘cried’

41) ‘it was God’
full-stop after ‘God’

42) ‘Of all the ingratitude, I never,” they heard. The door swung shut’
I’m presuming that ‘I never’ isn’t the end of Prudence’s sentence? In which case it might be better to say, ‘Of all the ingratitude. I never - ” The door swung shut’

43) ‘All sisters whipped’
should be ‘All the sisters whipped’

44) ‘and snapped ‘What?” as if the’
should be ‘and snapped, “What?” as if the’

45) ‘You know,” he added, looking at Socorro, “the Communist one?” She nodded’
should be ‘You know,” he added, looking at Socorro. “The Communist one?” She nodded’
or ‘You know the Communist one?” he added, looking at Socorro. She nodded’. It depends on whether he’s reminding Socorro, or informing her along with everyone else.

46) ‘another Cleopatra, bathing in asses milk’
should be ‘another Cleopatra bathing in asses’ milk’

47) ‘morality please’
comma after ‘morality’

48) ‘he murmured’
Full-stop after ‘murmured’

49) ‘come true too’
comma after ‘true’

50) ‘Peter nodded’
New paragraph

51) ‘ “I told them I was’
New paragraph

52) All Socorro’s stuff is at Mrs Maginnes’ house, yet she seems quite happy to wander off to the Aspenall’s house and leave strangers wandering through ‘her’ house. Isn’t she worried about theft, or that they might poke through her things? After all, if they’re that keen on finding the gold, they’ll search everywhere and everything.

53) ‘the r’s a ‘trilling’
should be ‘the r’s a-trilling’

54) ‘The two older’
new paragraph

55) ‘The two women sagged’
new paragraph

56) ‘Socorro watched with’
New paragraph

57) ‘in Parliament, the other day’
remove comma

58) ‘She was Mrs Maginnes’s sitter’
should be Mrs Maginnes’
I thought she ‘is’ Mrs Maginnes’ sitter? If she’s still staying at Mrs Maginnes’, then it should be ‘She is Mrs Maginnes’ sitter’ (or maybe ‘She is Michael and Maude Macginnes’ sitter’)

59) ‘do you dearie’
comma after ‘you’

60) ‘murmured, “so kind’
should be ‘murmured, “So kind’

61) ‘dreamy golden-eyed’
comma after ‘dreamy’

62) ‘never ending’
hyphen

63) ‘cigarette laden’
hyphen

64) ‘Guerric grinned.’
New paragraph. Actually, they should be part of the next paragraph, where he speaks.

65) ‘trespassing private property’
In NZ, we would say ‘trespassing on private property’, but maybe it’s different where you are.

66) ‘Mrs Maginnes’s walls’
should be Mrs Maginnes’. It might pay to do a word search and change all these. I won’t point any more out as there seem to be quite a few.

67) ‘cigarette cradling’
hyphen

I’m not sure I’ll have time for more today. I’ll try to get onto Ch 5 tomorrow.

Sue

I read your first three chapters.

General comments: An entertaining start. Clever premise. Socorro is a fiesty central character. Fresh humor. Vivid imagery. Powerful sense of place. Simmering tension. Smooth pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) "Och, aye deerie, 'tis eesie," the old woman answered. Comma after 'aye.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone in dialogue, but didn't offset their name or title with commas.
2) 'Regardless, the place made her feel distinctly morose.' Try to avoid using the verb 'feel.' Just describe her moroseness so vividly the reader will experience it along with Socorro. When you do this, the reader will be pulled deeper into your story.
3) ' ... controlling the bleakness that threatened to overwhelm her ... ' This is 'telling' me that she is experiencing 'bleakness.' Consider 'showing' the onset of her bleakness and it building to overwhelming proportions.
4) ' ... battling down her sentiments of loneliness and despair.' This is also 'telling.' If you want these emotions to register with the reader, consider showing them so realistically the reader will experience them along with Socorro.
5) I had to look up 'supre-evident' and couldn't find it defined anywhere. As a result, I have no idea what it means. Consider using a simpler word.
6) "Girls," Fith said warningly, pulling a long, blond strand of hair away from her forehead ... Blond = male. Blonde = female. Even when used as an adjective.

Specific comment on the second chapter:
1) The first sentence of this chapter is very long. Is this intentional? If not, consider breaking it up. Most readers can only hold so many dependent clauses in their mind before they all blur.

Specific comments on the third chapter:
1) "Maybe they'll bring it back. She was 72." Spell out numbers 1-99. There is another case in this chapter where you should spell out the number.
2) ' ... pushing the tabloid back into her sisters hands as if ... ' Sisters (plural) should be sister's (possessive).
3) "Thank god," Joy murmured. Capitalize 'god.'
4) "It's hampering you psychic development." 'You' should be 'your.'
5) "You!" A high, female voice screamed from the open doorwar. 'A' should be lowercase.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day, Maeve.

Al

You have a unique style of writing here. Very enjoyable but in places too many adjectives used. But apart from that a good read. I tend to read the story as it is and don't look at punctuation issues. Enjoyed it very much.

I'm sorry, but I cant get into what you say is humour. too many meaningless, long winded descriptive words that takes away the flow needed in a humourous book. Unless the reader lives for every word and actually has a dictionary to quickly understand the meaning of some words, this book is for dons and post graduates of English literature.
Pat

I love the Shakespearean beginning, it really sets the book apart and made me sit up straight away.
And you characters are great, as good as the Bard.
Only 1 critique: for me you use the word 'she' an awful lot. In the third paragraph after III Socorro becomes morose there are 7 'she's in 3 and a half lines. Just a thought.
All in all a very charming read.

Hi Maeve,

I can’t get a critique from you under false pretences. As you never replied to my request, I had assumed you weren’t keen on a read-swap, but as you’ve now come back telling me you owe me a read, I thought I’d better make sure that you really do. Consequently, I’m fulfilling (some of) my end of the bargain and giving you a critique of (some of) Mrs Maginnes is Dead. I’ve seen a few of your comments on other people’s books and been very impressed by the detailed critiques you have carried out. Unfortunately, I don’t have the ability to apply that level of insight to your book in return for what I’m hoping you will do for mine. What I can do, however, is give you the nitty-gritty, line-by-line editing and comments. So far, I’ve done this for the first 3 chapters. There’s quite a lot here, so I thought I’d stop and get some indication from you as to whether it’s the sort of critique you’re wanting before I continue. If it’s what you’re after, then I’m very happy to do more. Just let me know.

Please, when reading this, remember that these are just my opinions and I’m not an expert. Feel free to keep what you like and discard the rest.

Ch 1

1) Sentence beginning, ‘Glaring balefully at the rain’
This sentence is so overloaded with adjectives that it’s hard to follow. Maybe remove a few? Perhaps put something like, ‘Glaring balefully at the driving rain, she shifted the four-ton suitcase to her left hand and stepped into the farcically slight shelter of the graffiti-covered bus-stop standing before the Pakistani-run supermarket.’ This seems to be the only sentence that you’ve loaded this way, so I think a judicious prune would bring it back into line with the rest of the narrative and allow the story to flow from the start.

2) ‘the bus that roared with distinct enthusiasm through’
commas after ‘roared’ and ‘enthusiasm’

3) ‘grey looking’
hyphenate

4) ‘hand waving’
hyphenate

5) ‘God given’
hyphenate

6) ‘which drove back not only into Genesis and the Fall but the’
commas after ‘back’ and ‘Fall’

7) ‘could do was sing’
comma after ‘sing’

8) ‘drearily, and whispered’
comma after ‘whispered’

9) ‘poorly lit’
hyphen

10) ‘and utterly out of sorts.’
Put the next sentence on a new line.

11) ‘murmured, “thank you,” controlling’
‘thank’ should have a capital ‘t’

12) line beginning, ‘Prudence paused and gave…’
should be a new paragraph, as it’s talking about Prudence, not Socorro, who was speaking in the sentence before.

13) ‘Nothing,” Socorro said.’
As above – a new paragraph.

14) ‘Prudence smiled kindly’
As above

15) ‘broken down’ (two in the same paragraph)
hyphen

16) ‘soon to be understood as customary’
I would be inclined to hyphenate all of this

17) ‘deep dark dens’
comma after ‘deep’

18) ‘magnificently crinkled’
comma after ‘crinkled’

19) ‘which, while somewhat less than…’
Okay, you’ve lost me here. I’m assuming you’re referring to the differences between Scottish and English soil? If so, ‘is certainly’ should be ‘are certainly’. If you’re referring to something else, then my apologies. I’m lost.

20) ‘The hair did that’
This is great, except that I’ve always thought Scotland was considered to be the land-of-the-red-hair, so are they really going to be that impressed?

21) ‘Prudence obfuscated’
I love it. Highly descriptive.

22) ‘Prudence looked at her’
should be a new paragraph.

23) Paragraph beginning, ‘ “What?” Socorro said’
Just my opinion, of course, but I would suggest you make each of these sentences a single paragraph. They’re all from different perspectives, anyway, (so probably ought to be separate paragraphs), and I think it would give them more impact.

24) ‘much beloved’
hyphen

25) ‘dearly departed’
hyphen

26) Paragraph beginning “The door to the now defunct’
Again, split into three separate paragraphs.

27) ‘long, blond strand’
Faith is female, so her hair is ‘blonde’

28) ‘And my favourite’
remove comma after ‘favourite’

29) ‘piss off Faith’
comma after ‘off’

30) ‘Socorro spoke with a surprising’
should be on a new line.

31) ‘Prudence sighed.’
new paragraph

32) ‘intense looking’
hyphen

33) ‘like cool breeze on a hot’
should be ‘like a cool breeze on a hot’

34) ‘ “when has anyone’s death’
capital ‘w’ for ‘when’

35) ‘Hope wailed’
comma after ‘wailed’

36) ‘counting off the first finger, ”I, I suppose’
full-stop after ‘finger’
The quotation marks are close quotation marks where they should be open ones. I can’t tell, but this suggests that there isn’t a gap between the comma and the quotation marks.

37) ‘counting the second finger, “and they all’
full-stop after ‘finger’
capital ‘a’ for ‘and’

Ch 2

1) ‘found herself less than half an hour later standing’
commas after ‘herself’ and ‘later’

2) ‘pews that lead’
‘lead’ should be ‘led’

3) ‘recycled coffin laying’
‘laying’ should be ‘lying’

4) ‘of the priest, round-faced’
this makes it sound as though the ‘round-faced’ applies to Faith.
‘of the round-faced priest’ would be better

5) ‘We thand’
should it be ‘We thtand’?

6) ‘that the would be’
‘the’ reads as ‘the’ here. What about ‘thhe’? That brings the spelling in line with all the other lisped words and makes people think twice before reading it as ‘the’

7) ‘athee’
this ought to be ‘athea’

8) ‘we thand lotht’
‘thand’ should be ‘thtand’

9) ‘thitherth’ (twice in the paragraph)
should be ‘thithterth’

10) ‘thed’
should be ‘thhed’, as for ‘the’

11) ‘weaketh’
should be ‘weaketht’

12) ‘thorth’
Not sure what this word is. Should it be ‘thortth’?

13) ‘or sing it’
should be ‘or ‘sing it’

14) ‘Socorro whispered, “is that why’
should be ‘Socorro whispered. “Is that why’

15) ‘at school, you know?’
I think it reads better without the question mark (especially with ‘she said’), but that’s very much personal opinion.

16) ‘weaketh of thorth’
should be ‘weaketht of thortth’

17) ‘thill’
should be ‘thtill’, otherwise it can be read as ‘he sill loves us’

18) ‘thithter, the’
make ‘the’ ‘thhe’, for ease of reading.

19) ‘the, too’
make ‘the’ thhe’

20) ‘Mrs. Janith’
‘Mrs’ should be ‘Mth’, based on what you have previously written.
But ‘Mth’ sounds like he’s saying ‘Ms’. I would be inclined to spell it out ie ‘Mithith’. I can’t see Father Thomas calling her Miz when she’s known as Missus, so I wouldn’t use the abbreviation.

21) ‘falsetto chanting’
comma after ‘falsetto’

22) ‘hearth’
should be ‘heartth’. A hearth is something in a fireplace.

23) ‘and roared; “we lift them’
should be ‘and roared, “We lift them’

24) ‘stained glass’
hyphen

25) ‘eye balls’
one word

Ch 3

1) ‘son’s heroine habit’
Unless he has a habit of dressing up as a heroine or something, ‘heroine’ should be ‘heroin’

2) ‘metaphor users’
hyphen

3) ‘with several somewhat or at least apparently psychotic’
commas after ‘somewhat’ and ‘apparently’

4) ‘scream, ‘ah me! What shall I’
‘ah’ should be ‘Ah’

5) ‘and asked: “don’t you think’
should be ‘and asked, “Don’t you think’

6) ‘beyond all measure, “you’re not giving the poor thing’
should be ‘beyond all measure. “You’re not giving the poor thing’

7) ‘Oh dear. I believe’
comma after ‘Oh’

8) ‘her son, Guerric,” Faith said acerbically, “they can’t’
should be ‘her son, Guerric,” Faith said acerbically. “They can’t’

9) ‘Maude’s coming too’
comma after ‘coming’

10) ‘a total a ten feet’
should be ‘a total of ten feet’

11) ‘looking all the world like’
I would say ‘looking for all the world like’

12) ‘taunt-faced’
should be ‘taut-faced’

13) ‘several taunt, deliberative’
‘taunt’ should be ‘taut’

14) ‘to feel superior of’
‘of’ should be ‘to’

15) ‘her sisters hands’
should be ‘her sister’s hands’

16) ‘mechanically minded’
hyphen

17) ‘autumn of 79’
should be ‘autumn of ‘79’

18) ‘the double dance of four feet’
hyphen before ‘the’ and after ‘feet’

19) ‘flicker of the nostrils, to catch’
remove comma

20) ‘Prime-Minster’
should be ‘Prime-Minister’, I’m assuming. I doubt they’d take a cathedral into their house, even a prime one.

21) ‘Good thing too’
comma after ‘thing’

22) ‘star gazing’
hyphen

23) ‘was a Capricorn too’
comma after ‘Capricorn’

24) ‘draped by London-town’
full-stop after ‘London-town’

25) ‘every day’
one word

26) ‘uncertain looking’
hyphen

27) ‘by thos bleedin’ girls’
Is ‘thos’ deliberate, or should it be ‘those’? It seems a bit odd.

28) ‘Joy studied her fingernails’
This is fine, except Grace is busy biting hers, so it just sounds a little repetitious. Maybe she could study her cuticles?

29) ‘the background of apathy’
comma after ‘apathy’

30) ‘round out the experience, and’
remove comma

31) ‘The little boys tittered.’
New paragraph

32) ‘ “Oi!” he cried again, more vehemently.’
New paragraph

33) ‘if you will by its so studied ignorance their’
commas after ‘will’ and ‘ignorance’

34) ‘pranced with an almost feline grace to’
commas after ‘pranced’ and ‘grace’

35) ‘open mouthed’
hyphen

36) ‘and said ‘sorry pal’. That’
should be ‘and said, ‘Sorry, pal.’ That’

37) ‘and murmuring’
comma after ‘murmuring’

38) ‘and called out; “girls, surround’
should be ‘and called out, “Girls, surround’

39) ‘moments of their lives) while’
comma after ‘lives)’

40) ‘late blooming’
hyphen

41) ‘said, “someone fiddled with’
capital ‘s’ for ‘someone’

42) ‘Joy snarled, “after all we’
should be ‘Joy snarled. “After all we’

43) ‘she said righteously’
full-stop after ‘righteously’

44) ‘Faith shrugged.’
New paragraph

45) ‘about four years ago, just after her husband’
should be ‘about four years ago. Just after her husband’

46) ‘traded likes futures’
should be ‘traded like futures’

47) ‘before I die, please!’
Just a thought, but I think this would be more effective as ‘before I die. Please!’

I can see why this is doing so well. It’s beautifully written and very entertaining. Your command of language is superlative. I just hope this critique has been of some use to you.

Sue

read the first chapter. snorted into my tea a few times, which is a good sign. backed.

Maeve,
Wonderful! I don't even know what else to say!
Other than a very few minor typos (I saw a one where it should have just been on and a that that should have been than) the book is perfect. (Unfortunately, I was so wrapped up in the story, I didn't make note of where they were.)
Backed with great pleasure!
6 stars!
Mindy

Maeve,
Watching Socorro brave the hurdles Scottish travel, not to mention Scottish speech, was as much a treat as watching Charlie Chaplin censure a fellow hobo in pantomime. Certainly mirth must be bubbling around the corner of a tragic situation whereby a guileless foreigner rents a room in the house of a deceased woman. Your narrative prose is florid and detailed but not as striking as the dialogue which seems to be what the story is structured around. Thank you so much for the entertaining read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Maeve,
Describing Michael's scream as needing to go to weight watchers had me in stitches!
This is brilliant!
Mindy

Hi Maeve,

You've taken 18th Century florid writing and pared it down just enough for the modern reader. While I can lose my way in the explanatory diversions of Tristram Shandy, I don't feel I'll ever lose my way in Mrs. Maginnes, as you're highly adept at leading your reader through the comic chaos of your plot. I particularly love your numbered sub-headings, and Guerric's line, "We have palates in the roof of our mouths, not castanets," had me howling with laughter, as did the "inimitable rhetorical style" of Father Thomas' speech.

A highly enjoyable read, and I'm glad you've uploaded the complete book!

Best wishes,

Annette

The style is this book’s strongest feature. It’s a sort of satirical pastiche of elaborately ornate old English literary fiction. I am pleased to see incomprehensible Scottish dialects, an entire flock of mad English women, and a dead body - very nice. A florid, highly-cultured vessel for a lot of screwball silliness is a nice combo.

I wish you’d consider writing your pitch in the same style as the book. This is the most unique feature of your extremely wry style of humour and send-up. This book is far more about how you tell it, than the silly plot twists and turns which surely lie ahead in profusion, as well as the eccentric characterisations. It’s a romp that reminds me of the film version of Tom Jones. The pitch, while perfectly good, sets up a different expectation. Please, show us your style right away, in the pitch? Your style is what you should be selling right up front, so to speak, in my opinion.

I think that anyone who likes P.G. Wodehouse will like this too.
I only ever read one chapter of anything on this website, but you have supplied me with plenty for s strong first impression.

Well done and best wishes from

Eileen Kardos
The Noodle Trail

Hello, this is RJ
Just wanted to make a comment on your book so far. I found it very descriptive especially in the beginning. You created the scene very well with Soccorro being rained on and miserable about leaving her last residence to move here. She seemed very unhappy and you painted it well. I found the Aspenwall sisters to be funny and your dialogue was witty and engaging. It is also somewhat comical and I really got a feel for how chaotic and rambunctious life is going to be around them. Never a dull moment. So far I'm sure the story will get more into the intrigue of Mrs. Maginnes' death and there will be more mystery. So far it is an enjoyable read and I will post more when I read more. So far you have earned you spot on my shelf.

I really enjoyed this. As you are so close to the editors desk I thought I would give you a helpful push! Very well written and an engaging story. There was one paragraph where you used the words 'she sniffed,' 'she attempted,' 'she switched,' and ''she glanced,' all in the space of two lines which disrupted the flow a little but it's certainly not a major gripe!
Good luck in your quest for the top 5.
Kind regards
Mark

Congratulations on your writing. I've not read all of it but the first bit I read was brilliant. I like your style. Well done x

This is a very well written and most entertaining story. It reminded me of a classic farce. I found the characters interesting and the scenario intriguing! I like the way you switch the first person narrative from Socoro to the sisters, I think it works well and adds an interesting comprehension to what is going on. The dialogue and interaction between characters is very natural and humorous. I really enjoyed what I read of this story and will be putting it on my shelf very soon. Many stars in the meantime!
Best wishes
Rachael
Dreamscape

Hi Maeve
this is an interesting situation that you have dropped your mc into. I enjoyed your short pitch - this is well-written and immediately engages the reader. I have read a number of your early chapters and have given your book a star rating and a run on my shelf.
Your writing is clear and your dialogue is believable. It took me a little while to get used to all the characters that you are introducing us to, early on. I like the chapter headings which are quirky and help me to navigate the coming scene.
All the best with it!
Rowena

Hi Maeve,
I am sorry this has taken so long, I haven't had much time this week, but this book is absolutely wonderful!
I particularly like the funny chapter headings. The plot thickens taking on a slightly gelatenous texture - priceless!
I am very happy to back this book!
All the best!
Mindy

These are just my thoughts as I read through your work...Please use, enjoy, or disregard as you wish, mine is just another opinion in a sea of plenty...

Let me first say that this isn’t a book I would pick up and read, it’s just not my kind of read but you wanted to do a swap so here are my thoughts.

I found this quite a hard and confusing read. I expected it to be quite humorous but have to say it wasn’t, so I assume you are going for a dry wit kind of humour, which just passes right by me. I also found the style quite confusing. You chop and change between styles of she did this, she had this to 90+ word sentences. While it’s unique it was something else that jarred me and made me struggle reading. Its heavy on the descriptive tones which requires, for me, too much work from the reader.

The way in which you describe Sirocco’s initial thoughts of Edinburgh while suiting the story don’t really pain it in a great light and it’s such a vibrant city, I spend a day each week there and its vastly diffferent, hopefully it comes across better later on.

From reading the first chapter and most of the second I really don’t get a feel for the characters. Apart from learning quite early on that Sirocco is presumably Portuguese I never noticed a reference to her, what she looks like, etc. I probably missed it but then again, I have no idea what the Aspenall sisters look like either.

None of this review is going to help you because I am not your target audience and that’s clear. Plenty of people seem to love this so there must be a market for it and judging by the rapid rise and the comments below, you do it well. For me it just isn’t my cup of tea and was difficult to get into and find that level of reading comfort.

Bravo! For some reason that was the first word that came to mind.
First you call it Dog refuse, then just saying dog shit really made me laugh. It's like Socorro, herself was trying to keep calm, then realised just how 'shit' it was going to be.
Then you have the words, 'melding into clouds under the swiftly moving sky.' very moving.
Really good fun, dialog had me in giggles, can't wait to get to know each of the sisters and all in all, refreshing, different, quirky and backed.
Emma :)

Dear Maeve, your book is amazingly nice!
Britain without ghosts and treasures(even if they are Byzantine gold pieces in a Black Watch tartan suitcase)? - Absolutely impossible!
I appreciate your very peculiar style very much. It fits the plot perfectly.
The beginning is very effective. I seem to see the grey day of arrival, feel raindrops on my cheeks, shoulders, breath in the damp air, that smells of wet stone and exhaust of a passed by bus...
I like your (Socorro's) reflections about life and collective consciousness in small villages (fully applied to many big cities as well, you know!).Really, is this a way to spend a life?!
It reminded me my own youth and a searching-for-job experience in a small northern town near the Finnish border. It was so long ago - in the previous century!
I like the characteristic of Socorro's voice at a situation: " ...like a gentle hint of autumn..."!!!
A nice place to know how Mrs. Maginness died - the church of Snt. Peter! Father Thomas and Satanic are quite a match...
"The measure of man is found in crisis" - I like the way you short-circuited your protagonist's anxiety.
In spite of announcement, I've found no traces of pointless conversations. The only pity is cruel Prudence offended my beloved Rudyard... Why did you let her do that?!

Thanks again for drawing my attention to your wonderful book. It's up to my taste, so I didn't spot anything to be corrected. - Sorry!
Six stars and a candidate to my shelf.

Val But
Escape

Hi Maeve.
May is coming up and you are pretty close to the ED. I'll be giving you a thorough read and supporting once I clear a couple off my shelf. Good luck.

I had the time to read the first chapter of Mrs. Maginnis is dead and enjoyed the read. I like the images created and the unusual characters. l hope to read more as time permits and will give it all the stars.
Rich McStay

Breezy and delightful with a good measure of humour. Haven't read it all, but it seems Socorro is in for a treat, having to deal with all the riff raff. Good writing and excellent dialogue.
Highly rated and on my shelf.
Sandstone

I was longing to put this on my shelf and I finally had to have it. (Sorry Dave.) A modern old-fashioned comedy classic! If that sounds confused or contradictory - well it was meant to, but in the nicest possible way. This is simply superb and should shoot up the ladder of success. Thank you for the pleasure you have given me, Maeve.

Tonia

Hi Maeve,

I read the first four chapters of your book, and it's easy to see why it's so popular! Your writing style is unique and witty - I love how the narrator seems to be a character as well. The third person omniscient works really well thanks to the clear "voice", and the attitude with which it is written is entertaining and intelligent at the same time.

Your book has an old-fashioned lilt to it, which is surprisingly refreshing. The subtitles, the sarcastic interjections by the narrator, the sophisticated language - it's an almost theatrical form of comedy. At the same time, the narrator's commentary isn't intrusive at all, which is quite a feat.

The characters are very memorable, and the dialogue is very natural. Some of the dialect is a little hard to understand, which might bother some people, but I think it works. Especially since everything done in this book seems exaggerated for comedic effect. The lighthearted manner of the book juxtaposed with its somewhat grisly subject matter - murder most foul - makes for an interesting read. And yet I feel as though behind the quirks and the charms, you actually have something to say. Such as Faith's conversation with Peter about the ugly - she makes some very interesting points.

A very well-written and polished piece that should be on the bookshelves already. Good luck with this!

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

precious book! I enjoyed reading it so much that I put it on my watchlist and rated it highly!

This is a highly amusing read that hints at becoming a sort of mad race to find the hidden gold, what with all the neighbors coming out of the woodwork. It reminds me of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, though what I've read so far (through chapter 4) only suggests that kind of craziness and humor to come. Very well written, and the section headings are gems, and the narrative voice is unique. Enjoyable and highly starred.

I found this inspiringly delicious. The pace and the humour are extremely fast moving, the writing is quite expert, and the whole bubble carried me along. I found it such a pleasant read, I have (something I do rarely) put it into the one spare gap on my bookshelf. This is a book I would buy and read from beginning to end, and if it continued to be as charming as it seems so far, I would promptly read it again. Clever - and delightful.

Just finished your (extraordinarily short) chapter 9, Maeve, and I'm pleased to say it is, for me, one of the most satisfying so far. Not just because it IS extraordinarily short, but because it just, well, "flows". There are few of the long 'asides' which (though often hilarious) hold up the action, and a lot actually HAPPENS. Starting with Prudence offering Aesclepius to the hungover grave-robbers (I love Prudence, now by far the most 'distinguishable' of the 5 sisters), moving on the deliciously drawn McLusky offering 15 grand for the dodo-rare goat, then to the mad Lescaut's invading the house on a Peter hunt (LOVE those 'Holmes and Watson sleuthing glances') and finally James's impotent dumb-cop rants at the sisters for digging up a body that wasn't there. His 'Odin-like tread' as he left the scene is a great visual gag!

Okay, I was a bit fuggled by the poem opening IV (lovely, but what does it mean?), and my eye stuck at the end of VI ('...Are you thinking of writing TO Rome?), but this is nevertheless your most enjoyable, most fluid, chapter to date.

Hi Maeve,
can't fault this at all. Your premise is fantastic. Wonderfully rich setting (in a cold, dark, dank way). Love the pitches, love the title, love the characters and the 'fish out of water and resulting comic interludes" feel of the whole thing.
Love the Dickensian italicised intros to each chapter. I even love the goat on the cover and your cheekily unfashionable use of three, yes three, adverbs in the first paragraph!! Can imagine it serialised on Radio 4 with a stellar cast of Scottish character actors.
Well done to you. Highly starred by me.
All the best,
Sharda Dean.
P.S. Return read gratefully received, but only if you have the time/inclination!
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

As promised, here are my thoughts on 'Mrs Maginnes is Dead'- I fear I might have little to add to the many, many other positive comments here, but I'll do my best!
Your pitch is fantastic- I defy anyone not to pick it up if the book was on a shelf in a shop. It's been ages since I read something so genuinely witty and entertaining, and you pull this off marvellously. Right from the start, Socorro's reactions to Scotland, particularly her indignant reaction to the absence of kilts and bagpipes made me laugh. You have a very distinct writing style which ought to make your book stand out above everything else- I can honestly say I've never read anything quite like this! Brilliant phrasing, an intriguing plot, and some laugh-out-loud one-liners made this one of the most enjoyable reads I've had in a while.
I wil shortly be making space on my bookshelf, because this deserves a place on the editor's desk!
Emma

Every word a delight, well done, this work is a writing lesson par excellence. Makes me want to chuck my stuff in the bin.

on my watch list for now but will make my book shelf the next opportunity

regards

Cyrus (Hellion 2)

Blimey, Maeve, this chap 8 must be the longest chapter on Authonomy - how on earth did you load it all? lol!

Okay, well, after the slowish start (already commented on) this chapter shapes up to be a doozie. Not just all the jolly japes in the graveyard (LOVED Joy's toothy grin act, and her 'wanting to do it again') but all the delicious language along the way. My favourite line? Tough call, but 'Over-educated men bond over Shakespeare' is the winner! Highlight of this chapter? Has to be the burgeoning, food-based, romance between Pru and James. How she changes his 'visceral hatred' of bananas into an almost erotic relationship with them had me in stitches - esp the 'advertisement of a trip to Jamaica' line!

I also enjoyed Prudence's confession that 'we're different, we always have been.' I don't think I've ever read of 5 sisters more different to the rest of humanity in my life. LOL!

Nits are few: James undeniably sniffling (another sniffler?) Faith's 'large golden eyes' (is she wearing chrome contact lenses?), the rather overdone 'basilick stare' bit, 'pensively...luminescently' used in the same sentence (suggest 'luminescent'), and a suggested cut of 'she asked uncertainly' at the end of this para.

Oh, I forgot, Faith's icy voice 'the tone of approximately Kelvin'. Ha, ha, where do you think this stuff up!

Dear Maeve,

This is a medley of characters, all singing in their own voice and combining to make beautiful music. In other words, I loved your characters. They are diverse and individual, and even though you have quite a number of them, they are not lost, but seen distinctly.
Your use of language is also fantastic.
Really enjoyed reading this and given six stars!

Best of luck
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance

This, I like. Your writing is decadant, which I mean in the best possible way, and I can absolutely imagine doing nothing more on a Sunday afternoon than snuggling up in an armchair and getting lost in this.

I love the inter-titles and the long lists of examples used for comic effect. I find myself as bewildered as Socorro (great name, by the way) but fascinated by the Aspenall's already. As I said before, I'm from Edinburgh myself and can't wait to see what Socorro makes of it, assuming she escapes her household of high drama and her crushing depression! I've only managed chapter one so far (as its long) and I have some more reading to catch up on but I absolutely be returning. High stars and I'm backing it!