Book Jacket

 

rank 5457
word count 11494
date submitted 01.10.2011
date updated 01.10.2011
genres: Fantasy, Young Adult
classification: universal
incomplete

Power Struggles

JMan

There's a secret war going on and the fate of all earth hangs in the balance. Really.

 

I’ve been here for some days and only know that some people are born with special abilities and some learn them later on in their life. I, a seven year old boy, was born with mine. I can run faster than a dragon racing to save its younglings. All with the amazing abilities join a group called the “Crusaders”. There are many over the world but one place truly necessary for us, New York. Although we fight for the good, people still call us the dark shadow hovering over world at night. New York thinks we cause the entire disturbance in their state but that’s because they can’t see what comes out at night. Only we, the Crusaders can see them during the night.

 
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tags

action, angels, demons, ya

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2 comments

 

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Verse_Artiste wrote 216 days ago

I was looking for something different to read and came to this because it's on Splinker's shelf and he usually knows what's worth reading. I like your story very much as I think it has the potential to appeal to teenage readers. There are a few typos and the odd grammar error, but at this stage it's far more important to have a good story and get it written. The rest can be fixed later. I guess from your style that you are either very young or exceptionally good at capturing the adolescent voice. Whichever - it works well with this story. I think your strength may lie in your dialogue and characterisation. Your later chapters are better formatted than the first few, Authonomy can be a pain with formatting, but it might be worth looking at what you did differently. I know some readers are put off by such stuff, so if you can get the first few right, they're more likely to give it a go. I'll put this on my shelf in a few days when I rotate again. Good luck with it.

Splinker wrote 216 days ago

It is a very good concept. Enough imagination and story to hook any fan of Young Adult fiction. Reminded me a bit of the Ranger Apprentice series that my son used to read. The writing needs a bit of polish, but that just means it is as good as just about anything on here.

You have a good 'voice' and it helps make the characters interesting.

Nicely done and good luck.

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