Shining Dawn

AG, I’ve put together a Quantitative Critique Score Sheet to respond to your story from a contest perspective. I hope you find this informative and helpful. (Max 10x10 pts)

Title: [Shining Dawn]
Author: [A.G.Chaudhuri]

Wow Factor (Read Speed/Enjoyment)
[09] Speed (Easy/Fast)
[09] Enjoyment
[10] Interest

Literacy (Editing/Proofing/Structure)
[10] Free of (obvious) Spelling Errors
[10] Free of (obvious) Contextual Grammar Errors
[10] Free of Distracting Dialog

Story
[10] Coherent / Order
[09] Character/Subject Development

Marketing
[10] Cover Design
[09] Pitch (a bit long with minor plot give away)

TOTAL
[96 /100]

Comments: This is a story I very much enjoyed and appreciated. I look forward to purchasing the book for my real bookshelf.

E L Russell

SHINING DAWN
A. G. Chaudhuri

Again, thank you for the invitation to read your novel. It is easy to see how you arrived at number six in the ranks. Your writing gives new meaning to the phrase, non-stop action. You don't miss a beat as you move this story along at an incredible pace. This accelerates the expectation of what will come next. It put me in a state of high alert as I followed along with your characters. I cared enough about them to feel the anxiety and feel as though I was with them throughout.

Clever to introduce that little dog, Buddy. An animal always brings out the need to protect them and I thank you for saving him from the dreaded beast.

I am one of those who is familiar with science fiction and fantasy. That is my preferred genre so I feel I am appreciative of a writers work in that arena. For those who have said they do not usually read that kind of story, I am sure they were pleasantly surprised to discover that you have covered more bases than one with this book. It provides terror, suspense, mystery enough to satisfy readers of that sort of story with a pace that grabs and runs away with them.

What fun it was and I am glad I read all fourteen chapters you have posted here. I am looking forward to Mindscape and have an urgent need to follow this to the end. For me, you have provided a brilliant, entertaining and exciting story. I hope you will let me know should you post more chapters.

Backed with admiration. Best of luck with your ascent to the editor's desk.

Sincerely,
Mary Enck
A King in Time

A.G. I am not a reader of sci fi, but this pretty much works for me because it deals with a subject based in reality as far as the idea of the destruction of the planet by industrialization. It is happening, and it upsets me very much to hear some people deny it. If people have just the very basic understanding of chemistry how could anyone not concede that if enough chemicals are pumped into the air it will alter the structure of the atmosphere? not to mention poison dumped into the water. oh well..

You write very well. and there's good tension in this story and a good buildup of mystery. All the characters are well thought out and the reader gets a very clear understanding. I thought I noticed one slight thing wrong and maybe I'm wrong, and may have gotten off track, but see what you think...early in the story you had described a weapon manufactured at the company Zak had worked for and he was remembering that he had designed the weapon while working for the company and he had total recall of that but later in the story he stated he did not have any memory of his work there up until the time he was picked up and sent off to jail. If I'm wrong, write it off because I did get confused at a few points.

This story has a fast pace and huge action and it's VERY visual, lots of elaborate description. I would think for sci fi it would work great written as a script. I will say again, I like the fact that it delivers a message in its own way, and personally I feel it's good for a story to have that. On another personal note, I would say remove any bad language, because I think it would be better that way and also because an audience of young people will want to read this.

I think you show great ability as a writer. You have insight. You show a good range. You do well with reality, emotional issues, and you do well with imaginative and creative writing. You've written a great plot and I remember hearing an experienced writer saying that if you want to learn how to write a good story, write mysteries, not because you love it, but because it teaches you how to plot. This is science fiction but also a very good mystery.

I would love to see something like this worked out as a Christian novel, but of course it would have to be altered a great deal, and I don't presume to write your story for you. I think overall you've shown your talent and I offer my complements. I hope you finish it. Thank you for the invitation to read your story. julie

AGC,

Firstly apologies for taking a while to drop a comment on your blood sweat & tears (not sure if you did, just talking on personal authoring experience – my study is a biological hazard) - late nights, early mornings, work, blah, blah... I was planning on reading the whole MS first, but decided to rate against where I’m at (will come back with closing comments again later).

Quick note: Asimov – thank you! I didn’t know who he was! Can’t believe it looking back, but it’s true. He is now on my reading list. Even found an unread short story in my library (small room, big book case).

Quick disclaimer – I’m not ‘qualified’, if you will, to comment on grammar, contexts, and all the other stuff that intelligent authory people take for granted. Haven’t been writing long, certainly not claiming to be any good at it. I have read a lot of books however, sci-fi books, and it is with this - flow of the story, words, the urge to read on (hookyness), and general awesomeness, would I buy it, etc - that I have written the following:

1) I would buy it, its hooky and awesome.

2) Prologue is very visual and sets a superb scene, there is no doubt that anyone reading this is going to turn the page and continue. The hook is lodged deep in my flesh at this point. I can ‘see’ the story as it unfolds. The descriptions of Big City are cinematic, showing development of the human condition, future environment, and the divisions of caste well.

3) The plot is gripping - you tease, and you tease well. Even found myself thinking about it during the day and trying to work out what the twists will be. Very close to the mark with mother-earth as it stands. Love the way you have called existing tech different names, all my favourite authors do this... Sometimes you explain the meaning of things, acronyms, etc, within brackets. I personally don’t recon this is needed, let the reader think about it a bit more. Draw them in. Sow the seeds. Just drop it into the story at some point.

To summarise; your story flows nicely, and I’ve struggled to turn off my data slate during the last few night-cycles. I’d even go as far as blaming you personally for turning up to work looking tired and unkempt.

You have a voice my friend. It is a shame this is not in hard print (prefer the feel of real books). If it was I would buy it - when it is, let me know.

Rating is high. Best wishes for the ED.

J.

This one is for: A. G. Chaudhuri's Shining Dawn
Date: 01.10.2012
Review By: Elizabeth Raine
Chapters: 1-2
Short Pitch - Amazing. Really catches the readers attention.

Long Pitch - Now that's a pitch! It gives a small peak behind the wall of the story but only enough to make the reader crave to know everything. Also, wonder what the characters in the story are like.

Cover - Really eye catching. Even better that you designed it yourself and it turned out very well.

For the first chapter- WOW! What a wonderful beginning. It really makes the reader excited to find out more about the story and how this will effect the book. I also like the names of the places you mentioned in this chapter. Applauds to you for making the names believable.

For the second chapter-
I really like the fast pace of the beginning of this chapter. The dream sequence. It really gives the reader a sense of anxiety.

I noticed a small thing that might need corrected, though I could be wrong.
'I can only appeal to the people to appreciate'. Should that be 'I can only appeal to the people who appreciate'?
Just a small thing I noticed.

I am really interested in how Zak cannot remember anything from the past five years and the 'project' began five years ago (from what I got from the last bit from the chapter)

Really thought out. Really interesting. And one thing is for sure, this deserves a backing. (which I have done).
Good luck and I hope this makes it's way to the editor's desk. It sure does deserve it!

6/6. W/L. -- As well.

~ Elizabeth.

Hi Chaudhuri,
It is a great pleasure reading your premise and unfortunately I have just 24 hours in a day during week days. That means I am going to enjoy reading your book on weekend. I will comment after that,
best of luck
venkatarama dandibhotla

Looking at other comments it is clear that this is a popular and well liked book. For me however, it missed the mark. The plot may be good but I found the writing stilted. The style shifted from plain and clear to adjective stuffed and back again within a couple of sentences. As though chunks had been rewritten with a thesaurus to hand. After four chapters I gave up. Sorry!

As an engineer and sci-fi nerd, I couldn't wait to read Shining Dawn. You didn't let me down. Great book, suspenseful, exciting, and very well-written. It's no surprise to me that it's number one on Authonomy.

Great job!

Editman

This book is a really great read. It's definitely where it deserves to be at the top of the list

SHINING DAWN

This is excellent. I’m a fan of post apocalyptic fiction—and a geologist—and I loved your description of the volcano erupting and incinerating the town. I thought your descriptions were great, and I could feel the tension before the old man’s life came to an abrupt end in the first chapter.

The beginning of chapter two threw me for a minute—I had no idea what was going on. But once Zak woke up, I understood, of course that this was a bad dream. :-) You have created a lot of mystery in your beginning chapters, raising lots of questions that I’m dying to know the answer to—like why everyone incinerates in the boy’s dream.

I have a couple of nit-picky suggestions if you think they might be useful to you:
* In chapter 1, you have a paragraph that reads: “…. Such thoughts made him sad, but he refused to dwell on them…. Still lost in thoughts of her….” I think this is probably okay, since he’s trying to change his train of thought from what it is, but maybe it would help to word this a little differently so it doesn’t seem contradictory. Up to you.
* At the end of chapter 1 when the pyroclastic cloud comes down and wipes out the town, zooming out to seeing the whole town incinerate throws me off because we were just barely in the old man’s POV up until that point. Rewording a few things to tighten the POV so it stays on the old man until the end might be helpful. Although, it’s certainly fine to shift POV back to an omniscient narrator or whatnot, if that’s what you intended. You change POVs after this anyway, so, again, it’s up to you.
Hope this was helpful.

This reminds me of how Michael Crichton begins a lot of his novels—with characters we get attached to that are killed off or that disappear from the story after the first chapter, and the story picks up with a host of new characters after that. You have good prose, and an intriguing story.

You’re up there at number 1! I hope you get a really good review from HC after you pass to their desk. :-)

Sarah E.S.
Destiny of Species

A.G., you are a master at creating suspense. As I was reading, I quickly realized that this book would make an excellent movie, and I see that many of those who have commented share the same opinion. I am not one to read science fiction, but if I did your work would capture my attention and find its way on to my reading list. I am not one to critique fiction, but was it enjoyable to read? Yes, it was! I certainly will give your book a high rating.

Blessings,
Michael Tobias
"The Powers of the Age to Come"

I'm more into watching sci-fi movies rather than reading sci-fi books. But I can recognize good writing when I see it. And a good plot that moves along at a great pace. SHINING DAWN fits all of the above. Now back to the movie reference, if SHINING DAWN were a movie, I'd watch it more than once. Congrats on making the editor's desk! Well deserved :)

Eden Ashley
The Siren's Heart

Read your first chapter and must say well done! I don't generally read sci-fi but this one drew me in. I could picture the small town and the lonely old man. My only qualm is I would have liked to know his name.
Significant enough to have the first page, to me, he deserved a name.
Best of luck with your book and review!
Cheers, Red
Illusions of Comfort

Good stuff... highly starred :-)

Hi AG, it's me again!

I just finished what you've got posted and was left thinking "noooooo... where's the rest of it?! I must know what happens next!" Again, you're really good with suspense and creating mysteries. I could go on and on about everything I love about your book, but I'm sure that's already been said by the 2350572350 (or whatever) people before me, so suffice it to say that I think this is excellent :-)

The only critique I would have is that some of the action sequences read more like a screenplay than a novel - since this is a book, you have the luxury of telling your audience how poor Zak feels about being thrown into this mess, and I think it would be interesting to see more of what's going through this unfortunate everyman's head. You've got quite the story here, and I think it could go from amazing to extraordinary we got to know the characters a little better.

Anyways, best of luck with the editor's desk! And I really hope this goes on to get published... I want to know how it ends!

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

5 stars from me, well written and an interesting catchy story. I hope to read more of it over the weekend. good luck with it :)

Continued review for: A. G. Chaudhuri's Shining Dawn
Date: 02.15.2012
Chapter: 3
Review By: Elizabeth Raine
Previous Chapters: 1-2
Previous Review: 01.10.2012

I am happy to admit that this chapter holds onto the reader's interest and proves to get better with each chapter.

A few favorites from this one: (hope you don't mind):
How Zak would choose the cellphone that his grandfather gave him says a lot about his character and it's always nice to find small traits in manuscripts like this, in my opinion.
The voice on the other end of the phone calling out his name but it being muffled and distant is genius. Seems eery and sets the reader in an almost anxious state of mind (maybe I've looked too much into it or am too much of a horror fan). I sure do know if I had received the call, I'd be a little uneasy with it.
I must stress on how much of a knack(sp?) you have for the anxiety/darker scenes. They really come to life within your writing as well as others. (Referring to Dr Elric Vigor)
FINALLY! We get to know who had been calling Zak. I really like how that was thrown in there. I wonder what/who was jamming the signal.
AH! No. I wonder what happened to the doctor, love how it ends there on a sort of cliff-hanger. Through the entire scene I was (metaphorically) on the edge of my seat.

Wow. Just WOW. The ending of the chapter is so hard-hitting, if you know what I mean. The way you built up to where Dr. Vigor--wait, I shouldn't post spoilers. But I can't believe that! There is some serious secret going on and it makes for one intense read. Great job once again!

I'm just so blown away by your use of vocabulary and the various ways you describe certain aspects in the manuscript. It has been a blast to read further on Shining Dawn. So happy you have made it to the Editor's Desk. I knew you would!

6/6 stars still (haven't changed it) and you're on my WL and it's still on my shelf. :)

~ Elizabeth.

Thanks a lot, mate. I'll read your book soon. But no revenge.
Had it been an eye for an eye, the world would've been blind by now.
Oops, so sorry. I used that 'had' word again. :-)
Best regards,
AGC

Hi A.G. Congrats on your book's success so far.

First thing I would point out, your first three paragraphs all start with, "The..." Try to mix it up a little.

For instance, instead of "The district comprised..." Maybe switch it to something like, "Composed of just over five thousand people, fishermen and whalers made up the bulk of the close-knit community." Community might not be the right word there, but it looks a little better than colony. I don't know. You could switch it up a few ways and see what you like best.

Hmmmm.... Later in the paragraph you talk about how the colony relies on fishing and whaling. Isn't that already clear when you say fishermen and whalers make up most of the population?

Maybe get rid of "The district comprised..." and start the paragraph with, "While the rest of Whiteland....." then when you get to "remained a rustic community", you could say, "a rustic community of just over five thousand people. Close-knit and simple in their ways, they relied on fishing and whaling...."

"her warm company" maybe change to "her companionship"?

You say "much" a few extra times there. How MUCH he longed to be with her, how MUCH he mised her, how MUCH he craved... I'd remove at least two of them. i.e "he longed to be with her, he sorely missed her, how badly he craved..."

You already say its a very cold night, and soon you say the neighbors are all asleep, so you don't really need to say "completely deserted AT THAT HOUR." At that hour could be scratched.

"The men sometimes had to stay away...." I don't think that paragraph belongs there. Is there another part of the story you could move that to? I understand talking about how people in this area go to sleep early, as opposed to the cities that never sleep. But that whole paragraph (while written fine) just doesn't add anything to the story at this precise moment. The focus should remain mostly on this character.

"smiled inwardly" That's kind of cliche. Is he smiling outwardly too? Or just inwardly? If you want to talk about an emotion, say something about the glorious night sky put his mind at ease. He is troubled over the loss of his wife, right, and has had trouble sleeping? So describe how the night gives him some peace, serenity, etc. "smiled inwardly" is too cheap an emotion.

"although there had been no official warning yet." I don't understand that part. Do they have earthquake warnings now? What's that mean?

"trying to figure out if the tremor persisted." I'd change it to something like, "wondering if the tremor would worsen." Or "wondering if the tremor was over." You don't really "figure out" if an earthquake is "persisting." You wait a moment, wondering if that was the worst of it, right? So "wondering if the worst was over." Something like that. Just a thought.

"Or maybe, it was plain..." What about.... "Maybe it was him. Plain indigestion, he surmised...."

"when suddenly without warning" sounds a bit over-the-top. What about "when the ground began to shake. Violently. A deep rumble followed, like distant thunder."

"Screams erupted all around him." Ummm... Where did the people come from? I thought he was in his own house. Does he live with someone? Or are these his neighbors? You should clear that up. i.e. screams erupted from the neighboring houses.

"convulsed menacingly." I'd take out 'menacingly'. I know writers like to use big words (menacingly is one of my favorites), but if the ground is convulsing, we already know it is menacing. Definitely take it out. Find another spot for it.

"And his face lit up" I'd take out 'and'. I don't have a big problem with starting a sentence with 'and', but a lot of times, it just doesn't add much of anything to the suspense. In a way, I think 'and' dulls the suspense. So I'd just say his face lit up with an eerie orange glow.

"shooting up high into the sky." I'd take out high.

I like "bloody haze." Good image and description.

"had suddenly erupted"... I'd change it to, "had suddenly awoken." Or you can get cute and say "resurrected."

I'd change, "People were out there, neighbours..." to "People were out there - neighbours, friends, and family."

"A great ball of fire fell from the sky and crashed into the neighbouring house." That sounds like you are getting tired there, and relaxing on the details. That's a pretty big deal, and you sort of casually shrug it off. We need more details. For instance maybe the character hears a whistling sound, and looks up to see a great ball of fire coming down upon him. The fiery mass then slams into the neighbouring house, sending shards of (whatever the house is made of) flying about him, and coating the man in a blaze of heat. That is a LOT better than "a great ball of fire fell from the sky and crashed into the neighbouring house."

"he tried to focus on the raging volcano." Sounds a little silly. What else would he be focusing on but the chaos around him? Maybe it'd be better just to say, "Pain numbed his senses, and warm blood trickled into his eyes."

"down the slope at an incredible speed." End the sentence there.

"Aged body trembling with the effort." Try to revise that part.

One last thing. You say "had" quite a bit. Most of them I think can be cut out. Just cut out 'had', and the sentence should still work fine.

Don't take any of this badly. You've received a lot of good comments, so I figured I'd focus on things you could improve on. If you'd like, you can visit my book and get revenge.

Hi A.G. Congrats on your book's success so far.

First thing I would point out, your first three paragraphs all start with, "The..." Try to mix it up a little.

For instance, instead of "The district comprised..." Maybe switch it to something like, "Composed of just over five thousand people, fishermen and whalers made up the bulk of the close-knit community." Community might not be the right word there, but it looks a little better than colony. I don't know. You could switch it up a few ways and see what you like best.

Hmmmm.... Later in the paragraph you talk about how the colony relies on fishing and whaling. Isn't that already clear when you say fishermen and whalers make up most of the population?

Maybe get rid of "The district comprised..." and start the paragraph with, "While the rest of Whiteland....." then when you get to "remained a rustic community", you could say, "a rustic community of just over five thousand people. Close-knit and simple in their ways, they relied on fishing and whaling...."

"her warm company" maybe change to "her companionship"?

You say "much" a few extra times there. How MUCH he longed to be with her, how MUCH he mised her, how MUCH he craved... I'd remove at least two of them. i.e "he longed to be with her, he sorely missed her, how badly he craved..."

You already say its a very cold night, and soon you say the neighbors are all asleep, so you don't really need to say "completely deserted AT THAT HOUR." At that hour could be scratched.

"The men sometimes had to stay away...." I don't think that paragraph belongs there. Is there another part of the story you could move that to? I understand talking about how people in this area go to sleep early, as opposed to the cities that never sleep. But that whole paragraph (while written fine) just doesn't add anything to the story at this precise moment. The focus should remain mostly on this character.

"smiled inwardly" That's kind of cliche. Is he smiling outwardly too? Or just inwardly? If you want to talk about an emotion, say something about the glorious night sky put his mind at ease. He is troubled over the loss of his wife, right, and has had trouble sleeping? So describe how the night gives him some peace, serenity, etc. "smiled inwardly" is too cheap an emotion.

"although there had been no official warning yet." I don't understand that part. Do they have earthquake warnings now? What's that mean?

"trying to figure out if the tremor persisted." I'd change it to something like, "wondering if the tremor would worsen." Or "wondering if the tremor was over." You don't really "figure out" if an earthquake is "persisting." You wait a moment, wondering if that was the worst of it, right? So "wondering if the worst was over." Something like that. Just a thought.

"Or maybe, it was plain..." What about.... "Maybe it was him. Plain indigestion, he surmised...."

"when suddenly without warning" sounds a bit over-the-top. What about "when the ground began to shake. Violently. A deep rumble followed, like distant thunder."

"Screams erupted all around him." Ummm... Where did the people come from? I thought he was in his own house. Does he live with someone? Or are these his neighbors? You should clear that up. i.e. screams erupted from the neighboring houses.

"convulsed menacingly." I'd take out 'menacingly'. I know writers like to use big words (menacingly is one of my favorites), but if the ground is convulsing, we already know it is menacing. Definitely take it out. Find another spot for it.

"And his face lit up" I'd take out 'and'. I don't have a big problem with starting a sentence with 'and', but a lot of times, it just doesn't add much of anything to the suspense. In a way, I think 'and' dulls the suspense. So I'd just say his face lit up with an eerie orange glow.

"shooting up high into the sky." I'd take out high.

I like "bloody haze." Good image and description.

"had suddenly erupted"... I'd change it to, "had suddenly awoken." Or you can get cute and say "resurrected."

I'd change, "People were out there, neighbours..." to "People were out there - neighbours, friends, and family."

"A great ball of fire fell from the sky and crashed into the neighbouring house." That sounds like you are getting tired there, and relaxing on the details. That's a pretty big deal, and you sort of casually shrug it off. We need more details. For instance maybe the character hears a whistling sound, and looks up to see a great ball of fire coming down upon him. The fiery mass then slams into the neighbouring house, sending shards of (whatever the house is made of) flying about him, and coating the man in a blaze of heat. That is a LOT better than "a great ball of fire fell from the sky and crashed into the neighbouring house."

"he tried to focus on the raging volcano." Sounds a little silly. What else would he be focusing on but the chaos around him? Maybe it'd be better just to say, "Pain numbed his senses, and warm blood trickled into his eyes."

"down the slope at an incredible speed." End the sentence there.

"Aged body trembling with the effort." Try to revise that part.

One last thing. You say "had" quite a bit. Most of them I think can be cut out. Just cut out 'had', and the sentence should still work fine.

Don't take any of this badly. You've received a lot of good comments, so I figured I'd focus on things you could improve on. If you'd like, you can visit my book and get revenge.

Sounds good, I'll have a read over the weekend, good luck with the editor's desk!

Dear Mr. Chaudhuri,

Hello! Sorry it has taken so long to get back. I am new to Authonomy and still getting my sea legs. A few days ago you left me a message (I believe asking me to read your book), but because I am lousy with computers and the net, I ended up deleting several messages by mistake. I will be happy to read your book and pass along my comments, if you will do the same for me. Thanks.

Egon Richard Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

AG, "Shining Dawn" is a spectacular read! I absolutely love your style of writing. It has a way of capturing the heart and it fills the spirit with great anticipation. A new Author/mentor to keep watch for, no doubt! Thank you for the invitation it's my honor to read. I send Blessings and Well Wishes to you and I look forward to watching your writing endeavors to soar with Great Success! Amen, what a wonderful book, now I'm heading back to read more... Kathryn Gage~ Author " Poverty Our Nation's Next Epidemic... The Coming Days of Tribulation."

AG, "Shining Dawn" is a spectacular read! I absolutely love your style of writing. It has a way of capturing the heart and it fills the spirit with great anticipation. A new Author/mentor to keep watch for, no doubt! Thank you for the invitation it's my honor to read. I send Blessings and Well Wishes to you and I look forward to watching your writing endeavors to soar with Great Success! Amen, what a wonderful book, now I'm heading back to read more... Kathryn Gage~ Author " Poverty Our Nation's Next Epidemic... The Coming Days of Tribulation."

You've written a popular book. I know it will go far.

Well, AG, I don't know what I can say that hasn't been said already. I've read the first third or so of what you've got posted, and it's easy to see why this climbed up to #1 - you've got a really gripping story here with just the right mix of action and mystery. The prologue is wonderfully written, and I love the imagery you employ - the heart wrenching scene in which a beautiful piece of civilization is simply wiped out.

And man, you really know how to create suspense! So many questions raised! It's definitely a page-turner - left me thinking "what happens next?! I must know!!!" after every other paragraph. And I like how you cut to different scenes, teasing the reader with glimpses of what's going on outside of Zak's POV. It's quite... creepy, in the best way possible. You're also very good at describing action scenes and showing what's going on without getting bogged down in cumbersome details, and as a result, it moves very quickly.

The premise is also fascinating - the idea of potential destruction due to mankind's own brilliance. I haven't gotten far enough to figure out what's actually going on, but I get the idea that it involves perhaps the best of intentions going awry - risking the future for the sake of the present. The only slight criticism I might have is that I feel like I don't really know what Zak looks like or really who he is, but maybe I just need to read on :-)

Great stuff! Starred for now and will be returning for more.

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: The Pandora Project (http://authonomy.com/books/41618/astral-sea-the-pandora-project/)

Dear Jane,
Thank you for your beautiful comments.
I'm so sorry about the confusion. I was afraid that some readers might face this problem. In my very first draft, there was an author's note that explained the settings and premise of the story in a slightly oblique manner. Later on, I removed it because it was sending wrong signals about the core plot and just chose to mention it in my short pitch. The story is set in an alternate reality. But the issues that form the backdrop are topical. Should you choose to read on, you may find that its not hardcore sci-fi as the technology angle is kept at a minimum. Some other readers have described it as a metaphor for today, an expression that I was only too pleased to agree with. :-) I look forward to reading your story.
Thank you once again.
Best regards,
AGC

A.G.
Very intriguing beginning. Not really a Sci-Fi fan anymore so ignore these comments if they seem too far from left field.
Confused about locations and time setting for this story, is it planet earth or an alternate world, present time or distant futur e? In the prologue you seemed to kill the viewpoint character which disturbed me since I like to think anyone whose viewpoint I'm in will be part of the story. I felt confused also that you had an isolated society that fished and killed whales for their oil (hopefully no longer a practice on our planet) and then in chapter one have the announcer talking about oil reserves and genetic engineered crops (very much part of our current concerns). So, anyway, I felt confused rather than pulled into the first two chapters. I'm sure if I read more, my questions would be answered. Also, from the great feedback you're getting and the high ranking, I see the confusion is the readers limitation and not the authors.
The writing is beautiful, I saw no errors.
Hope you don't find my novel as confusing.
Good luck with your writing,
fledglingowl

A.G.
Very intriguing beginning. Not really a Sci-Fi fan anymore so ignore these comments if they seem too far from left field.
Confused about locations and time setting for this story, is it planet earth or an alternate world, present time or distant futur e? In the prologue you seemed to kill the viewpoint character which disturbed me since I like to think anyone whose viewpoint I'm in will be part of the story. I felt confused also that you had an isolated society that fished and killed whales for their oil (hopefully no longer a practice on our planet) and then in chapter one have the announcer talking about oil reserves and genetic engineered crops (very much part of our current concerns). So, anyway, I felt confused rather than pulled into the first two chapters. I'm sure if I read more, my questions would be answered. Also, from the great feedback you're getting and the high ranking, I see the confusion is the readers limitation and not the authors.
The writing is beautiful, I saw no errors.
Hope you don't find my novel as confusing.
Good luck with your writing,
fledglingowl

I rarely comment on books, even those I back because I don’t feel the need to opine. However, Shining Dawn prompted me to do so and I shall be brief. Shining Dawn is concise, riveting and wonderfully imaginative. It is a skillfully crafted story that entices, transports and captivates . That is precisely what art is supposed to do. Bravo A.G. bravo.

Miles A. Robinson
Song for My Father/ Loud Lucy Ludlow

First, kudos on finishing a book. That is huge.
I am a writer of detail myself, and sometimes it is easy to get bogged down in long descriptives. You have an intriguing plot but the dialogue feels a little stilted in the first three chapters..my advice? Find someone who's dialogue you like the pacing of. What do they include and what do they leave out? What makes it feel natural, like you are standing there with the characters?
I'm going to keep reading and will update this at the end of the next few chapters.

AG, I like what I have read so far, even though, like others here, I usually don't read much science fiction. It is well written and appealing. I will back it. One minor comment--if it where me, I would push the third paragraph at the beginning (long description) further into the chapter so that you can move into action more quickly. Malve (Falconello)

Honestly, not my typical read, but you have a nice way of writing and I'm not surprised this is doing so well. Good luck!

Two chapters in, and it's very professionally done, I can imagine this fitting in the sci-fi section of any bookstore. The scene of approaching environmental catastrophe is topical and draws you in.
I see you're at rank number one and are on the editors list, good luck with that and send me a message if you find a publisher!

Tom
Conspiracy (gateway trilogy)

Beautifully written and very descriptive, really gripping the reader from the first line and not letting go. I felt like I was really there, that I was one of those running away from the erupting volcano. I'd be very interested to read on and see what happens. I'm not a huge fan of sci-fi in general, but this drew me in. It's not hard to see why this is on the editor's desk.

I've placed this on my bookshelf and given it 5 stars.

Matt Lane

Hi,AG, I've put your book on my watchlist and plan to get to it as soon as possible, Ann

Hi, I've put your book on my watchlist and plan to get to it as soon as possible, Anne

This is a great read! 6 out of 6 stars! You clearly deserve to be here!

Have a fantastic day! Thanks for the enjoyable read!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Wow! I've just read the first few chapters and have backed. Congratulations on making the editors list. I look forward to reading more, if the remaining work is as good as the first few chapters, and hope to find this in hardback. Great beginning with the volcano - felt like I was there.

Dave Hoffer
Fountain of Envy

This is one of the best Sci-fi books I've ever read. Normally this is a genre I loathe, but maybe if the other books were half as interesting as this one then I'd be more likely to read the genre. Shining Dawn has a good rythem, great characters and an amazing writing style. I'm definatly giving hgh stars to it.

Neal Sayatovich
Love, Fear and Holy War

This is very well written. I'm not a big fan of science fiction but your descriptions and 1st chapter were so well written that I had to keep reading. Your opening description of the old man is very convincing. Short and effective. The spacing of ideas and the breaks between paragraphs is also excellent. I look forward to reading the remaining chapters. R

Extremely well written, congratulations. Definitely an author to remember.

Dear AG I have now read all the chapters you have posted and although this is not usually the kind of thing I read I was gripped by it and wanted to read on. I thought it well written and you painted the strange alien world cleverly. Good Luck it is now on my bookshelf ; Tina Cox - 'Sanctuary'

Hi, I have just finished reading the first few chapters of 'Shining Dawn' as requested. I found it well written and am intrugued to see how all the strands come together and to see how the characters develop, so I will read more. I wish you the very best of luck with it, and believe it should succeed. I would be grateful for your comments on my book 'Sanctuary' which seems to be climbing slowly through the ranks.Tina Cox - 'Sanctuary.'

Its easy to see why this novel is #1 and on the ED. Its great! While i was unable to read the whole thing, the first two chapters are all i needed to see to know I'll be back!

G'day! mate.

I feel I must congratulate you on your current placing.

Well done!

Regards,
KEN BLOWERS
(The old English gent/bloke living in Australia.
So far he has written no novels, but has put up
six books of short stories and five books of plays.
Plus QUOTE ME : a book of 1,000 quotations,
which is his most popular book so far!
Here's the hot-link:
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38541/quote-me/
Try this one too:
http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx

AG, I’ve put together a Quantitative Critique Score Sheet to respond to your story from a contest perspective. I hope you find this informative and helpful. (Max 10x10 pts)

Title: [Shining Dawn]
Author: [A.G.Chaudhuri]

Wow Factor (Read Speed/Enjoyment)
[09] Speed (Easy/Fast)
[09] Enjoyment
[10] Interest

Literacy (Editing/Proofing/Structure)
[10] Free of (obvious) Spelling Errors
[10] Free of (obvious) Contextual Grammar Errors
[10] Free of Distracting Dialog

Story
[10] Coherent / Order
[09] Character/Subject Development

Marketing
[10] Cover Design
[09] Pitch (a bit long with minor plot give away)

TOTAL
[96 /100]

Comments: This is a story I very much enjoyed and appreciated. I look forward to purchasing the book for my real bookshelf.

E L Russell

I have taken ages to read this so for that I apologise! I agreed to do a swap read with you but I've been so swamped with life I haven't had a chance to come on here. But, I have to say, I'm glad I waited to read this when I had time to just sit and read without any reason to have to log off anytime soon.

I've read the first couple of chapters and I had a cup of tea in my hand and it actually went cold without me realising. I'm not as big a sci-fi fan as I was when I was little (I was a really cool child :P) but this I really enjoyed. As others have already said it moves fast, but it doesn't lack in detail. I found myself clicking the down arrow faster as I would probably turn a page, trying to get to the next bit quicker :)

Congratulations on your ranking! Sorry, again for taking so long to get round to reading this as I promised but I give you a high rating and a place on my bookshelf.

Arriane

I love the pace and how you make the story so visual. Excellent!

The pitch is well written and the title is good.
The descriptions are good, they form pictures well. The pacing is slow and easy.
It is really a different story line.

Bria Heart <3

I'll keep it brief.
I read to chapter five and loved it. It has my full backing. I love the way you follow the different characters and how their lives are intertwining. Some people try this and it is a mess, but you have done it a simple and effective way, which is impressive. I love the mystery and suspense, and all the ideas are crafted together well.

A well deserved number one because it is original, but also because it will be loved by the mainstream, a rare combination indeed.

Great book that deserves 6 stars. Good luck with your editors desk. You'll make it.
Blessing joy

Thank you for your very kind note. I have enjoyed your work. Would love it if you could give my LONDON a read.
Blessings!

jim

Hi AG. Sci-fi is not my usual genre but this is very well written and, for the most part, holds the reader's attention.
If we think of the enormous changes to our lifestyle over the past hundred years, the speed of 'progress' is very frightening. 'Old -fashioned' values and morals handed down over countless years are being erased at an alarming rate. The future, in my eyes, governed by technology and suffocating rules is not a place I want to go.
I would just be aware of blinding your readers, at times, with too much techno information in your new world - it can get akin to wading through treacle on occasion.
But, of course, that may just be me as, I've already mentioned, this is not my choice of reading. I will stick you up onto my shelf for your hard work and skilful writing.
I hope you like Reasonable Force enough to back it. I seem to be losing all my support lately.
Good luck, Sully.

Congrats you made it to the top!! :) Best of luck hope you get published!!
Best,
Jt

Just because…

I've just finished reading the first three chapters and I am hooked. The writing is fantastically descriptive and instantly sucked me in. The characters are interesting and I'm curious to know where this is leading. What is chasing Dr Vigor and what happened to Zak that he can't remember. This kind of story is right up my street and I will definitely be reading more when I can.

-Heather