Tales From A Town With A Funny Name

Lots of fun. Needs more readers

Whitt
This is a cracking selection of tales....I wonder how many of them are part biography...? Mmmm.....

There is a book on the site by Terry Golding, called,,,,Gardinias.....Its a collection of short stories....He made his Harper Collins review public.....You should stop by if you haven't already....It gives an insightful overview of what publishers are looking for in this genre....

And read......Night of the Earwig,,,,,here on the site....Its hillarious....I write comedy, and I have to say, Night of the Earwig is a masterpiece....

Shelved with good wishes.

Bravo!!! Hilarious, charming, provincial! A few grammatical errors, but I was too engrossed to stop and jot them down. This first chapter took me a long time to read however, so I'll have to pick up chap two tonight!

backed!
Lisa~

I laughed tears in my eyes all through reading these stories. Your style of writing and story telling fits very well with the humourous material.

Doug, This is a book that a reader can return to for a chapter, a short tale of expected atmosphere. And that town enclosure, like fiction. It's strongly written so I"m shelving it.

This made me chuckle. You have great characterization. Your characters pop three dimensionally off the page with their accents and their phraseology. The mayor himself was my favorite by far. Kudos. I'll give this a whirl on my shelf.
Stauna

Doug,

I think this will be a good bit of critiquing. You seem to have the writing tools down, but I did notice a couple of things off the bat that might help!

Just so you know how I do these things, it’s generally stream of consciousness while I’m reading. I can’t copy/paste your text (thank goodness for that) so that’s how I do it. I think you’ll find this helpful.

The very first recommendation I’m going to make that would probably clear up 90% of the following is this: buy Don’t Sabotage Your Submission by Chris Roerden. HUGE help. Almost everyone can find something in there they can improve.

Going over the first part of the first chapter in general, I really like your descriptions. You give me a very good idea of what this mayor looks like. I would prefer to have it blended into the rest of the story, but the way you tell it is entertaining enough to be sufficient.

The very first sentence: ‘had been elected mayor when the town was just formed.’ You already called him the mayor, and getting elected is how mayors get to be mayors. Take out the second mayor.

The second sentence, we’re already into perfect past tense. Nix the had. You’ll find it reads smoother.

Fondness for the blood of Scotland? Is this a reference to Scotch that I’m missing? Seems fairly colloquial. At first I thought maybe he liked Scottish girls.

I want to see shorter, choppier sentences. All of your sentences seem to have a comma in them, and it’s much easier (and funnier) to read short sentences, generally.

Pick a doughy thumping sound OR a donk donk. Both together don’t do it for me, personally. Extra words!

There’s a gargantuan paragraph somewhere about page 3. It immediately says ‘do not read me, for I am a wall of redneck-speak.’ If it were broken into two smaller paragraphs, it would be much more friendly. As I am critiquing, I read it anyway.

Non challenging should be hyphenated. But maybe you could use ‘in his most submissive’ voice instead?

Cuthbert has a bunch of speech-affectations that don’t seem they go with the word ‘of’ very well, yet he says ‘of’ an awful lot. Maybe change a lot of those to ‘o’?

‘no one is to do one damn thing without I know all about it’. This seems out of the vernacular. Otherwise, your excellent dialogue had me reading for a while. These people are so close to real it’s ridiculous – I grew up in a town of 649 people in the middle of BFE, Idaho.

Then I come to this: ‘especially one married to someone who owned most of the world that we knew of’ – is this a narrator? The voice hasn’t had a chance to poke its nose in until just now. This is a little jarring. Perhaps the narrator should do a tiny bit of introduction, if he’s part of the town?

‘turning the best part of a bale of hay into horse’. This is a great line. 

At this point I get a strange feeling: I am eager to see how all these best laid plans are going to fail miserably, but there is tension missing when they start talking about the community hall that makes me want to pick up Duma Key by Stephen King (his book is terrible, but has tension) for some reason. Not to be mean, but I don’t have to read IT on a computer screen, that’s all.

Comedy is hard to write because it also has to be tension. I’m seeing pure comedy without tension for the next page, and I think this is where I will stop my critique, mostly because I’ve already been too harsh probably.

It’s great stuff. It needs tuning. I’m going to give it a brief turn on my shelf.

Doug
This is great stuff.

Wonderful humour, and I've only had time to read the first chapter so far. Am backing this one.

Doug, You've extended the regional voice here to give the atmosphere and setting for anecdotes that the reader likes stretched into a story. These are fun reads and I like the interconnected form rather than the traditional narration. Good characterizations and essay sequences that give the central town motif a seriousness in the fun.

Great fun and very funny. Beautifully written too. Beautifully understated at times, which makes the humour even funnier. I loved the bit about the Mayor only stopping smoking when ha had a bath and the addition that he was never without a cigar. Great characters too. Onto my shelf.

Paul House (Common Places)

Well this doesn't disappoint! You seem to transfer effortlessly these stories from the oral form to the page, but I can still hear the voices all the same. Loved 'Belinda's Blossoms' and the whole rigmarole with the bodies! Isn't the truth always much stranger than fiction?
Anyway, looking forward to coming back to this one. SHELVED!!

Heh, I've just read Hole Eared Horse and could SEE this happening.
Good work, Doug; these all look so much better now and you deserve to do well with them.
I'm glad I came back and had another look. Keep writing!

Nice story,,
I laughed so hard *happy tears*, I loved the mayor, funny charecter,

hehehe, This is trully funny book,
On my shelf,
kimmy
❤

Having just recently moved to Canada I found this particularly entertaining. I enjoyed the horse/moose encounter, particularly the race style commentary. I look forward to reading more when I get a chance.

Cheers

Craig

thanks for making me laugh - what a great farce! will return to read more of these vignettes. Shelved!

This is charming, witty and genuinely funny. It's also lively and well paced. A thoroughly enjoyable read.

hi Doug,
I've had a quick look and this all looks SO much better than last year. You have done a lot of work on these, and it's easy to 'see' them in the mind's eye as one reads.
Well done, I'll come back after I've looked at more of them, okay.
Yes, listen to your wife; correct grammar and spelling are not optional extras ... it's hard work but it pays off!
Good luck,

Hi Doug,
This is such good fun, witty, in a quiet way, and reminds me of stories i used to hear on the radio in Ulster called 'the Ballygullion Bus'
The characters are alive, the details well thought out and some of the images hilarious - the moose charging after the mare with underwear tangled in his horns, the mayor on the dray, the 'Moneyed lady' with her trousers split...
come to think of it it seems like a Canadian version of 'An irsh R.M.' (Somerville and Ross) -if you've ever heard of it.
This is going for a spell on my shelf.
Margaret
PS I'd appreciate you taking a look at Munro's Choice, thanks , M.

Tales from a town with a funny name.

This is delightful. Funny quirky and with a backhanded wittiness that I found refreshing and new. Peopled with characters who could have been “thunk up by Dickens hissel” - we are thrown straight into the town meeting presided over by the Mayor of Smelly.

There are some genuinely laugh out loud moments " it’s not how much money you have, it's how old the money is" and dynamiting the frozen sawdust, all told in a deliciously open and unaffected way. This is writing that the pretentious brigade should be forced to read. Great word choices, super character moments, skilfully woven backstory and incidents galore. I loved the depiction of small town Canada - have you read the Hamish Macbeth books or seen the film Whiskey Galore? I'm reminded of gentler times and simpler remedies for life's maladies.

I'm also still laughing at hiding the purchase of the horse in the town accounts by calling it "snowplough"

Wonderful warm and witty.

Shelved without reservation.

Cheers

Ebbsy

My nightly pleasure again did not disappoint. 'Soft-boiled' pure genius! You assemble the components of a story like a painter laying out a pallette, or a joiner making a perfect cabinet. 'the Law and the Prophets' another perfect line. If anything exposes the deficiencies of Authonomy it is your writing...which should have been signed up immediately, instead of waiting to be promoted through the ranks. I'd love to communicate independently and will search out your address which I remember you offered. Have to say I am green with envy at your effortless irony, and through it your affection for every character you create. Back soon P

From a Welsh derivative to a stellar example of the Old Country. Onion Evans deserved his Gods, and they should have been well pleased with him. No combination to beat honour and beating them at the game. An example of a creative approach that needs application now. Loved it, loved him. 'The Rise and Fall of Two Bob Bobdinski' a good idea. He and his pennies now light the tail end of my day before the first celebratory glass. Here's to you!

I like any story that takes in a small, weird town so I'll be back for more. Just upon a quick initial look though I'd suggest switching the first two paragraphs -- jump into the action, then give us background on the mayor.

Oh god, Doug, this is hilarious!! I love it!

Sorry it took so long to get here, but I'm glad I finally did. Nothing has made me chuckle louder than the action going on in this little town. Funny, funny stuff. I would have like to hear how they got the lady out of the tree though - a bit disappointed there - but I suppose you cut it off early enough not to bore people.

Can't stay longer than Chap 1, but I already know I love it. Good luck!
Dave

I like this. I think it is witty and enjoyable to read. I like your descriptions. You had me with the bulbous nose! I wanted to read this a while and then coment but everytime I have time to read, one of my children gets sick or cries or complains and I am pulled away. I am sorry I will not be of mych help to you. I was sick for the last 12 days and your story did make me chuckke, so thanks for that! It has been rotated on and off my shlef twice. May get up there again but space is limited. sorry.
good luck with this,
Gina

Being from a small town, I just loved this. FUNNY stuff. SHELVED! Detailed notes in your inbox.

Read three now, and already feel part of Two Bobs family. I think this has all of the classic Mark Twain qualities so I will broadcast its existence. A real feel good read. P

Totally delicious. Too many glories of innocent drollery to quote. Shelved after one chapter. Thank you for making my day. I might now post up a story of the British Equivalent of the actions of public servants, who no matter how hard they try never achieve comparable goodwill! Congratulations. Humour is the hardest and the rarest of literary achievements.

Hi Doug,
First, everything I say is to be taken as preceded by ‘In my opinion … ‘ AND I am a nitpicker with typos. This is mainly because I know we do not see the errors in our own writing. I like to have mine pointed out to me. Hope you do too!
I like the description of the mayor. Btw, it’s always means it is, or it has, while its is the possessive. Weird, but that’s the way it is. So you should have ‘ … its heavy gold chain … ‘
The names are brilliant!
‘ .. its a duffer’s way … ‘ Here you DO need the apostrophe …. ‘ it’s a duffer’s way … ‘
‘I don’t think” said Two Bob needs to be “I don’t think,” said Two Bob. And
“Well, he might be.” Two Bob persisted - should be “Well, he might be,” Two Bob persisted. If you have the direct speech followed by ‘said’ ‘shouted’ or whatever, then you generally use a comma (or full stop, exclamation mark or whatever) followed by the “ marks. I AM nit picking here, forgive me as I am loving the story so far. Just minor technical details. ‘a horse’s foot … ‘
“Not wanting to sound … “ needs a new line. This is just a typo.
‘ … I’m mayor and your not … ‘ needs to be ‘ … I’m mayor and you’re not … ‘
‘ .. and he could run fast.” – no quote marks needed here.
I am loving this story – it’s brilliant and I can see it happening before my eyes. Excellent … so ignore my meeping about the finer point of punctuation, please.
This was good fun!
Heh, just go through it again and check on the placement of commas, etc. This first chapter was great. I’ll read the rest, but will make only a brief comment about each, OK.
Chortled over chapter 2; this was funny.
Chapter 3 was funny, but just didn’t quite work for me. Um, I think that if you put the name of the boat in italics, you don’t need quote marks as well, and you did rather overuse “the man from the mine”. It was funny, but lacked something and I’m not sure what. Sorry.
Chapter 4 was clever, not quite what I had anticipated, but very satisfactory!
A LOT of direct speech in chapter 5. I don’t have anything against direct speech, but you need to break it up every now and then so we don’t lose track of who’s speaking.
Heh, did you know that in Australia 'two bob' is a derogatory term for something cheap? As in 'a two bob watch'. Two bob was two shillings before we went decimal.
Regards and good luck with this,

I live in a small town surrounded by small towns. Your stories are very funny and your writing is great. I'm putting this one on the shelf for awhile. Good Luck.

Doug--
Story 1: Hilarious and nefariously designed, with characters distinctly grotesque and rich. Several times I thought the ante had been upped as far as it could go, and you raised the ludicrous quotient yet higher. With the exception of punctuation matters scattered here and there, I have no critiques. Fantastic enough to back, and to keep around for my own enjoyment for a while. Thanks for this!
--Jason

Brilliantly evocative of small town politics. Funny, well-written, and on my shelf for a bit.

Doug. The pitch and the bits I've read look very promising. But I can't read it until you sort out your formatting. For some reason the lines only take up half the available space. You have spaces missing ofter full stops and commas, and extra ones inserted before apostrophes. Sorry to be a grouch, but please let me know when you've fixed these things and I'd be delighted to come back for a read.

I like the fact that 'in the face at least' the moose was reminiscent of Melvin. Some good writing, although I felt the opening could have been a little pacier. This may have been due to the rather uncomfortable layout. There are a few typos littered around, but I'm sure this could be tidied up with a sweeping edit.

The characters are well rounded and easily visualised. The dialect spelling is very helpful in this aspect too. I agree with the decision about practicing the pipes - keep away from anything!!! The horse ride plan seemed mental enough to make me want to read further. Unfortunately I have to stop right now, so I will come back to this tomorrow.

Kat

Maria - I nearly pissed myself!

This is a really funny read and the characters are really well-formed!

Again, the paraghs kind of exhausted me, but I think this is something I could read and read!

Mayor Cuthbert - nasty! I could smell the bloke without being there and Two Bob standing up wind of him had me in bits.

There are sentences where you have punctuation marks and no gap before the next word, but easily remedied (may be an upload problem like the numbers? I don't know).

Mrs Wahtney's ride was the best scene for me and really did make me laugh - described so well. My partner was listening from another room and thought I'd gone mad!

I love the way Two Bob slowly becomes more visible throughout this chapter before becoming Mayor - just like a politician!!!

A thoroughly good read, Maria.

I will be shelfing!

Mazza

yeah it's funny. It's funny enough that the formatting issues didn't bug me. I laughed out loud a couple of times (if you knew me, you'd know that's high praise). If you can fix the format problem, do. If not, I don't think it's a dealbreaker. This book is backed.

Oh, boy, this is a hoot. Terrific stuff. Am backing it straightaway. I laughed my head off. It's got such vivid, wonderful characters and the most fantastically appealing fireside vernacular. Reminds me of that 'Experiences of an Irish R.M.', kind of. When Pinkus MacDavey made his fantastic appearance, my heart was in my throat. And when his canny Welsh wife turned the occasion to his benefit, I nearly wept.

You need some copyediting here, but nothing can get in the way of this hysterical romp. thanks Mr. Evans for a splendid morning.

Super super hard to read. I'm willin' but please can you furnish us with a smaller Font Size. All the best, Maria.

Hi Whitt

Thanks for offering to read my story. Here's the link - http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=634

I will repay the favour.

Cheers Olga:)