Dreams Change

The life of man circles around different dreams which he sees to make his life better. These dreams keep changing with every passing moment and with the change of the priorities of life. A change of dream might bring a big change in life too. dear Davis your book is not only fascinating but i will really term it marvellous. Well drawn pitch, perfect storyline and moving charachters make it a great read. A hooking book which i will want to see on EDs Desk soon. Best wishes for you and your book. Highly rated.

DREAMS CHANGE
This is a story that should attract a large young adult audience as the main character is shown doing so many everyday things that age group will relate to. I like the way you begin this with back story about Mike’s injuries. Makes him a sympathetic as well as a likable character. And an overall interesting read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

You write so smoothly and easily it's like sitting on that porch and hearing you tell that tale, but it's not you of course, it's your main character. Very believable. Highly starred and recommended. Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

I remember reading River Dream and have read the first three chapters of Dreams Change with pleasure. After reading the first chapter, I had to check and make sure it was fiction as there is a believable tone to the narrative which is very compelling. I love the simple narrative style of this novel and feel it's appropriate for the young adult market. I think some older folks who haven't lost touch with youthful romantic feelings which are vividly conveyed in this story would enjoy it too. Chapter Three brought a smile to my face which seldom happens when I'm reading books online. Michael and Maeve so sweetly describe their feelings for each other. If I had been in the room, I might have blushed to witness this conversation. When Kim appears and realizes Maeve's guest is the young man her roommate has already told her about, it's a delightful moment which reveals Maeve's great fondness for Michael and her willingness to share these private feelings with a close friend. You have captured the young adult romance market with this captivating story and I very much enjoyed reading it and giving it the highest star rating.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

As ever, I absolutely love your writing. I think this lives up to River Dream every bit. The opening is so powerful and emotional and I love the way you leap straight into the story...what's the point leaving the reader waiting if it's in the pitch?!?

One tiny niggle, the last para of the opening, you use "Wilmington for Freshman Orientation..." and "at Wilmington", where only one is necessary. I imagine this is just a typo.

Backed of course and highly rated.

Well done again!

Laura
Beneath The Blossom Tree

DW,

Oh Darn, I’m running out of time. I really wanted to keep reading. I LOVE a love story and yours was moving along so nicely. So I will definitely return to read the rest of this.

In the beginning you really had me committed to this brave American sailor who risked his life only to be rejected by the love of his life. You have done well to evoke compassion in my heart for the hero. And you gave it hope when Mike just happened to run into Maeve on campus. He is such a nice guy and deserves someone who seems to care for him a lot - someone like Maeve.

Your book has all the makings of a wholesome love story that is geared toward the young adult crowd -lost love, honor, pain, and sacrifice - something to fight for and believe in. Highly starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

P.S. I found a couple easy fixes in Chapter three - the first two chapters looked really clean.

“One (of) night at the library, I spotted…”

I asked about her roommate and Maeve told me Kim, her roommates name was Kim, was still at work…” This sounds a little awkward.

“Before, just before Kim came in.”

The life of man circles around different dreams which he sees to make his life better. These dreams keep changing with every passing moment and with the change of the priorities of life. A change of dream might bring a big change in life too. dear Davis your book is not only fascinating but i will really term it marvellous. Well drawn pitch, perfect storyline and moving charachters make it a great read. A hooking book which i will want to see on EDs Desk soon. Best wishes for you and your book. Highly rated.

Extraordinary!

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

DREAMS CHANGE
This is a story that should attract a large young adult audience as the main character is shown doing so many everyday things that age group will relate to. I like the way you begin this with back story about Mike’s injuries. Makes him a sympathetic as well as a likable character. And an overall interesting read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

You write so smoothly and easily it's like sitting on that porch and hearing you tell that tale, but it's not you of course, it's your main character. Very believable. Highly starred and recommended. Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

I've read the first two chapters, and I really like your clear, easy-going style. Will look forward to reading more when time permits.
David

What a great cover, DW! Superb!

All the best to you in 2012!

Ivan

Once again, your writing is smooth. I like the details in your backstory. I don't like Rhiannan!!! She's mean. Why is she so cold hearted when they were best friends from childhood? Maybe something happened? If so, you may want to add that somewhere. I can understand not leaving Africa, I'm not sure I would've left either....but I would've called, written, etc. So you may want to explain (if he knows) why she has turned cold toward him.
Book #2 reads more smoothly than book#1.
Good luck with this sequel!
Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

Dreams change like the river. This is universal. It is a continuous process. So the very first sentence is written in the present tense. Interesting. The story itself keeps moving smoothly. Simple easy language . But one thing is certain - it is fabricated on the surface level , a vivid description of events. There is not enough mental turmoil.
We don't know why Rhiannon is so indiffrrent. Michael could have been more curious to know.
He simply takes the easy road. He grab hold of Maeve's love.
Style is okay.

Dreams Change

Short pitch: seems fine

Long pitch: this also seems OK though that last sentence is way over the top compared with the tone of the rest of it. I wonder if these dark memories need more of a place in the selling pitch – they seem a bit of an afterthought at the moment.

Main text: well, this reads quite well. I couldn’t really find any of those endless minor errors that are virtually the trademark of Authonomy. I read all the 6k words that I downloaded and it felt comfortable reading it.

I read your first three chapters.

General comments: An engaging read. A realistic storyline. Michael is a likable main character. It didn't take me long to care about what was in store for him in this story. Your narrative is well-textured. You provide effective descriptions that bring your scenes to life without slowing the pacing. Not a lot of tension until the third chapter, then there's plenty of sexial tension. Smooth pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) A fast moving, interesting introduction to Michael.
2) No nits.

Specific comment on the second chapter:
1) "Nice to meet you Derrick." Comma after 'you.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.

Specific comments on the third chapter:
1) 'One of night at the library, I spotted ... ' Remove 'of.'
2) 'We may be seeing a lot of each other if you spend much time in the Library, ... ' 'Library' should be lowercase. There is another case in this chapter where you have capitalized 'Library' when it should be lowercase.
3) 'Then I felt a slight flutter in my chest when I ... ' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the 'flutter' in his chest so realistically the reader will experience it along with Michael. By doing this, you will pull your reader deeper into the actual experience of the scene.
4) 'It was a gentle kiss; a long, gentle, tender kiss.' I'd like to see more description of this kiss and so would your female readers. First kisses are a big deal. You've led up to this moment superbly. Now slow down and give us the emotional impact of the kiss on Michael. How did Michael react emotionally and physically (inner) when their lips first met? Take it from there and describe the kiss so vividly the reader will experience it emotionally along with Michael.
5) "When was this? I mean, how long ... " Consider replacing the ellipsis ( ... ) with an em-dash. Use an ellipsis for hesitation. Use an em-dash for interruption. Since Maeve interrupts Michael, an em-dash is appropriate.
6) 'My feet barely touched the ground' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea, but in a fresher way.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chpaters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for shelving "Savannah Oak."

Bless you.

Al

I remember reading River Dream and have read the first three chapters of Dreams Change with pleasure. After reading the first chapter, I had to check and make sure it was fiction as there is a believable tone to the narrative which is very compelling. I love the simple narrative style of this novel and feel it's appropriate for the young adult market. I think some older folks who haven't lost touch with youthful romantic feelings which are vividly conveyed in this story would enjoy it too. Chapter Three brought a smile to my face which seldom happens when I'm reading books online. Michael and Maeve so sweetly describe their feelings for each other. If I had been in the room, I might have blushed to witness this conversation. When Kim appears and realizes Maeve's guest is the young man her roommate has already told her about, it's a delightful moment which reveals Maeve's great fondness for Michael and her willingness to share these private feelings with a close friend. You have captured the young adult romance market with this captivating story and I very much enjoyed reading it and giving it the highest star rating.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Hi,
Came for a look at your second book. I remember reading some of your first one, a while back.
I thought the first chapter worked well. I don't mind the telling though, even though, I know some think its taboo!
For the sequel I think the readers like a catch up on what's happened in the interlude from the previous book.
I guess its whether you decide to weave it into the narration of where the second book begins, or have it as a first chapter/prologue. Either way, the reader expects it and wants it. It triggers that, Ah yes, now I remember...
I read all seven chapters. I like the story. I kept wondering about Rhiannon though. I assume, there is more about her to come. If you upload anymore, let me know and I'll read on.
Cheers for asking me to read,
Jacoba

Good writing, but I hate chapter 1.

I really don't like long sections of tell. There must be a better way to set the story up.

The question I would ask is, if you removed chapter 1 and started at chapter 2 would the readers notice?

As ever, I absolutely love your writing. I think this lives up to River Dream every bit. The opening is so powerful and emotional and I love the way you leap straight into the story...what's the point leaving the reader waiting if it's in the pitch?!?

One tiny niggle, the last para of the opening, you use "Wilmington for Freshman Orientation..." and "at Wilmington", where only one is necessary. I imagine this is just a typo.

Backed of course and highly rated.

Well done again!

Laura
Beneath The Blossom Tree

As soon as I found out about the sequel to River Dream I went to see it as I loved your first book. This one doesn’t disappoint in the least. Extremely beautiful writing, the first chapter captured me from the very beginning with its admirable descriptions. Your sentences flow smoothly like a river, which appeals to me greatly. I definitely feel the regret Michael feels when Rhiannon never comes to him.
I love the paragraph, ‘I spent forever in that hospital…’ – simply superb!
As I read further chapters I can’t help admiring and commending your immaculate writing, DW. Reading your books is a genuine pleasure. Best wishes with Dreams Change! By the way, I wanted to say long ago that your cover for River Dream is gorgeous.

Sincerely Yours,
Ivan Amberlake

Hello DW Davis,

I've read the first three chapters so far, and I like what I see :}. My genre is typically alternative history and fantasy, but this book is enthralling. In my eyes, you depicted real life as inspirational and more important than we normally think. Too often when we look around us we forget how precious existence is.

My only suggestion (so far) would be to tell us more about his roommate. You do a good job of describing Mike and Maeve, but Derrick still seems to be a small mystery.

Good stuff :].

Swisscheese