Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 12782
date submitted 21.11.2008
date updated 24.05.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Thriller
classification: moderate
incomplete

A Child from the Wishing Well

Raymond Nickford

Gerard's wish is to break out of paranoia, discover daughter Rosie's love.
Is music tutor Ruth's foul-smelling well a place wishes happen?
Psychological suspense thriller

 

Ashamed he cannot relate to his daughter, Rosie, Gerard stays with her for violin lessons at the home of tutor, Ruth Stein.

Ruth, fascinating him for her musical sensitivity, becomes a confidante. The paranoid, Gerard, can only cling to believing the tutor can bring him closer to Rosie. Soon, he must wrestle with his suspicions again, for Ruth mothers Rosie, almost smothers...

Reaching out to a broken doll, propped in the darkness at the bottom of Ruth's garden well, Gerard wants to believe what he touches and smells is just the decay of sacks enfolding a doll; the closest to a child the lonely old spinster could cling. Investigating, Gerard's fears for Rosie’s safety mount.

Rosie draws closer to her father, noticing his new concern but, if she is in real danger, can he save her?

If he needs to save her, can Gerard triumph over the emotional void of paranoia; feel, accept, that he and Rosie could share the love of which others speak?

( Set in the Malvern hills & German occupied Prague. First 10,000 of the complete 95,000 words uploaded here.)


MY OTHER BOOKS:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=raymond+nickford

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

atmospheric, belonging, father and daughter, german occupied prague, intrigue, macabre, malvern, poignant, suspense, tenderness, violin lessons

on 255 watchlists

924 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

1

report abuse

     

Gerard Botolph picked up the child-sized violin he’d bought for his daughter. He plucked. The reply was a strange baleful tone, an eerie janglingreminding of the music tutor’s advertisement in the Malvern Gazette. Seven year olds were welcome.

    Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow, Rosie. I’ll take you to see Miss Stein.’ He found himself speaking into the empty room.

    He took a last glance at her violin. An unaccountable sweat had transferred itself to the soundboard.

 

‘What does “ Miss Stein LRAM” mean, Dad?’

    Licentiate of the Royal Academy of Music. Don’t point, Rosie, please.’

    Twice over, he’d been clumsy. He’d remembered to add the “please” but a “sorry” might have taken some of the bite from his correction. After all, Rosie only pointed her finger at the brass plate above the middle panel of an imposing front door. Yet no Botolph, right back to Joseph Babbington Botolph, the first in the line of stockbrokers would point, except to the size of his wallet. Even the surname was as ugly as their love, for none was ever given, unless in return for success. Success first. That was the Botolph expectation.

    ‘We don’t want Miss Stein to come to the door and find a finger pointing into her navel.’ He spoke softly this time, trying to relax his hand around hers. It was just a playful shake, he told himself. Yes, playful.

    Remember ? First impressions?’

    Her hand felt snug in his, the warmth not just thermal. 

    ‘Why are you holding my hand, Dad?

    He peered down. She stood smart in the freshly washed cotton dress which Sandra, the au pair, had ironed. Rosie’s hand slid out of his.

    She stood, corrected, in her school’s blue-and-white check summer dress. He’d tried, but it was too late for his “sorry”.

    ‘What are first…

    Impressions, Rosie?’

    ‘Are they like…

   

The door opened before Gerard could answer. The bronze plate gave way to a blaze of exotic summer flowers. They cascaded on a cream background designed into a smocked sun dress. The dress was strappy enough to have adorned to better effect the figure of a lady fifty years younger than the wrinkled old woman standing inside the garment.

    You must be little Rosie! Can I call you Rosie?’

    ‘Yes, Miss.’

    ‘Oh come on, those big brown eyes are looking up at Ruth! Not “Miss”.’ Ruth isn’t your dragon of a schoolteacher!’ Ruth mimicked a dragon, but judging by Rosie’s fallen mouth, the tutor must have appeared to her more ape than dragon. If so, the moment of trauma was passed, for Rosie’s lips melted into a smile.

    ‘See? Ruthy’s funny and a teacher!’ Ruth assured.

    ‘Not - not funny like -’ Rosie turned to her father, then bit her lip.

    ‘Come on now, dear. I’m going to show you the wonderful new world in music and you’re going to show me the wonderful world in your smile, before it wilted. The bending heads of my petunias wilt, so forlorn when I forget to water them. You haven’t lost it have you? The smile?’

    ‘Daddy loses his smile - often!  So wouldn’t his wilt ?’

    ‘Well, dear, we won’t go to places we shouldn’t, don’t you think?’   

    Rosie’s lips were quickly sealed again. He had made her serious when, beneath, she was precocious, even though sometimes stumbling on her words, Gerard realised.

    As Ruth bent closer to her pupil, he puzzled at the innocence which Ruth cultivated to disguise a woman in her late eighties. She possessed girlishly-long hair, bouffant at the front but elaborately worked to a single plait, hanging down a half-bare back, the miracle ultimately terminating at the base of her spine.

    I’m Gerard Botolph - and you are Ruth Stein, I presume?’

    ‘Oh yes! Your Daddy can presume! Can’t he Rosie?’ Ruth said, taking Rosie’s hand and speaking through her instead; Ruth the ventriloquist but Gerard the dummy still standing on her doorstep.

    ‘My goodness me! Where did you get these nice long fingers? Are they going to play on one of my violins? Are they? I’m afraid they can’t play on the violin Daddy has bought for you. It looks too large to me and we have to look at the length of your little arms first.

    ‘I’ve got quite large arms.’ Rosie seemed to plead for Ruth’s approval.

    ‘We must test, compare, measure, Rosie Botolph!’ Ruth cupped her hand around Rosie’s head and began to lead her into the hall of Laburnum Lodge.

    ‘Test, compare, measure!’ Rosie enthused, smiling up at the tutor. ‘And maybe be dragons after?’

    ‘Most certainly dragons after - and Ruth is the biggest dragon of them all!’ Ruth awkwardly bent to meet Rosie at eye level.

    Biggest dragon of them all... Gerard shivered. The doubting was due to his tablet. He’d be calm once the Diazepam kicked in. Halston said it might be early symptoms of paranoia but too early for the doctor to treat as such. He was no psychotic, more a wreck of the Botolph expectation.

    After all, the tutor, as she engaged Rosie, was so refreshingly open. As Ruth spilled with high spirits she seemed, at times, as readable as a child’s fairy tale. Gerard would rely on sixth sense. She possessed energy too, liveliness, exotic flowers, sunshine and little kindnesses in the form of caramelised eggs; like the one she was placing in Rosie’s palmthere could be nothing sinister about kindness.

    She was taking a metronome off the hall table, holding it out to Rosie, making a pantomime of a hen clucking to its rhythm. Silly, childlike - but winning. No Botolph could ever do that. She’d brought to Rosie a smile to make the sun come out.

    Rosie was looking up; her smile transferred to him.

    Dad? You’re - you’re waiting for me,’ she frowned, ‘watching me choose my egg sweet and watching Ruth when she makes me laugh with her clucking hen noises. You - you can smile too, Dad. Ruth isn’t a dragon, like Mrs Fenton at school. Ruth’s a play dragon!’

    Rosie seemed as comfortable as an ivy on a tree trunk to stand beside Ruth. Gerard would forget his reservations about the tutor. That’s all they were - qualms. The lady was zany, dressed like a cockatoo but not unhinged. 

    ‘... inside, Mr Botolph?’

    ‘Sorry?’

    ‘I said, you’re welcome - to step inside? Wait? ’Til our Rosie’s lesson is finished?’

    Gerard turned instead to his daughter for a response. Daddy doesn’t seem too sure - does he, Rosie? Are you coming inside, Mr Botolph?

    It registered; for the quizzing and kindliness in the tutor’s eyes told him he was welcome.

    ‘Inside, yes, just the “dire tonic, Ruth - if you’ll forgive the pun.’

    ‘Oh ho! An ex stockbroker who appreciates the diatonic! He starts on the right note with Ruth!’ she grinned.   

    He followed the music tutor into the hall. She was holding his daughter’s hand while Rosie looked up at her, seeming to make a solemn vow to be a model pupil. For the old lady was surely the first adult ever to allow Rosie to play clucking hens.

    But as the door chain rattled behind the three, Gerard felt a wave of nausea; a warning he needed to get Rosie and himself out, but there was no way out. He crushed the packet of Diazepam in the lining of his pocket. The doubting had started. 

    ‘Shall we see if you’re as tall as my double-bass, our Rosie?’

    ‘“Our” Rosie?’ Gerard challenged. Something about the intimacy with which the tutor crouched level to his daughter’s face made his question slip out.

    ‘If we’re to test your height: it’s back right in to the wall and stand - straight!’ Ruth, apparently unaware of his rebuke, hovered around Rosie.

    “Our” Rosie… he wondered again whether he could repeat his question, oblige her to face what seemed her delusion; for forty minutes Rosie might become her child. Had she fulfilled herself as a musician and tutor but, too late, craved to fulfil herself as a mother ?

    He’d seen plenty of photographs of her, collections of them framed on the wall, some propped on slim pedestal tables along the hallway, but none with husband or child. Yes children, flocks of them, but always showing instruments or presentation certificates in their hands or junior ensembles behind them.

    Can’t get any straighter, our Rosie. Now, let’s see who’s tallest, shall we? Ruth said, distracting Gerard from his thoughts as she loomed over his daughter again before the double bass. ‘Well, I think Rosie Botolph’s got just a little bit more growing to do before she’s as tall as:  “Bertie the Bass. Tall and deep. Rosie to chase, with lots of sleep”!’ she sang.

    The old Botolph decorum dictated he should do no more than stand and watch her pantomime until he was invited from the hallway into the music room itself. After all, the diversion must have only been Ruth’s practiced way of relaxing her pupil before instruction, little different to his relaxing a fresh recruit on a first day at the bank.   

    But the diversion seemed to have gone on a shade too long. He felt unease again; this time about the lady whose advertisement seemed to have left him standing half-willingly yet irreversibly in the hallway of her house.

    I’ve now ten little followers coming to my Thursday lessons. Two more and I’d have twelve - just like disciples. Wouldn’t I, Rosie? 

    But Rosie was more interested in following with wonderment the pattern of deep velvety colours in the flowers of her new friend’s dress.

    That word - “disciples” - it returned to Gerard while he glanced at a child-size violin propped against a recess beside the fireplace; the instrument reminded of the small violin he bought for Rosie and thought of breaking. 

    Disciples… breaking like bread at the Last Supper… the last…

    The violin seemed to warn, still more loudly than when he first plucked its strings and they replied with a grotesque jangle. But if it warned, who was going to be crucified?

    He glanced again at Rosie. She was abandoned to laughter as Ruth pretended now to hide her in the case to the large double bass.

    But then he caught something in the glint of Ruth’s eyes and the shiver wouldn’t leave him.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

1

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Raymond Nickford wrote 720 days ago

Jann,

I'm so grateful that you have taken the time to read 10 chapters and thrilled that you have understood, in depth, my intentions for character development, suspense and plot.

Ray



The meticulous, obsessive nature of paranoia is beautifully depicted here, Ray. Gerard's frantic inner questioning of Ruth's motive's towards his daughter suggests a man who has lost completely any awareness of his own centre of balance. Hemmed in by his Botolph heritage, he has no capacity for demonstrative affection. He is also excruciatingly aware of it. As a result, he is haunted by the fear of losing what he loves, picking up every nuance of possibility and worrying at it like a terrier with a bone. The elderly Ruth, who bonds so easily with Rosie, becomes a potential ogre who will spirit away his daughter's heart.

But then we ask ourselves, are his suspicions justified?

This fraught situation drew me in from the start and delivers a compulsive read. What an irony that it should ultimately be Heather who is convinced that the apparently dotty music teacher is having sinister effects on their daughter! The sudden deaths of Heather and Ruth are shocking (sorry--no pun intended), and I felt as agitated and full of dread as Rosie trying to tell her father on the phone.

Ruth's character, in particular, whether she is acting out the characters of all the garden squirrels or throwing newspapers into the air to illustrate the varied enthusiasms of different composers, comes across in vivid flashes, funneled through the perceptions of others. Effective, and startlingly graphic. Great qualities in a thriller, especially when you've got a story that makes your blood run cold as well.
Backed, though I'll be giving music teachers a wide berth in future.

Jann King ("Making Connections")



maryinflorida wrote 899 days ago

Raymond,
Your “A Child From the Wishing Well” opens with a brief lament, as Gerard Botolph feels his father’s coldness from the grave, as he crushes a glass shard drawing blood, as he cradles a child’s violin and vows to be different with is own daughter. Why do I get the feeling that this lament is for a dead child – that he’s reliving a moment and he’s too late – that this is the end rather than the beginning?
(I Googled the name Botolph and discovered that St. Botolph is the patron saint of travelers and there are many churches in England that bear the name. Surely, your use of such a name is no accident.)

The scene shifts to Gerard and his daughter Rosie arriving at the door of violin teacher Miss Stein. He chastises her for pointing at the brass nameplate. A wrinkled old woman wearing a too-young strappy sundress with long braided hair opens the door. (This feels very Alfred Hitchcock!) Ruth Stein playfully cajoles a smile from her newest little student, as Gerard notes that his daughter barely recognized play or fun, she’s had so little in her life. Ruth is silly, professing to be the biggest dragon of them all, in a effort to win her student’s favor, but this reader suspects those words are prescient with hidden, horrific meaning. Meanwhile, Gerard is hoping the Diazepam for anxiety kicks in soon, as his nerves are his undoing. Paranoid? Psychotic? The reader will wonder how much this tale we can believe, if it’s seen through this man’s eyes. “…there could be nothing sinister about kindness.” Surely, famous last words, as the child’s heart is won almost instantly by kindness never known. Ruth addresses the child as “our Rosie” and Gerard’s gut reaction of nausea and wanting to flee the resident can be seen as either paranoia or as the instincts of a parent picking up on a predator. Which is it? She uses phrases like “disciples” for her students, as if they worship her, and something in the glint of her eye sends shivers down his spine.

Well, this is just brilliant. Building tension and doubt. All these contradictory red flags, making the reader wonder who is the crazy one. As noted above, this feels so very Hitchcockian, I want to grab Rosie’s hand and flea.
I’ll move this to my book shelf.
Mary

RichardBard wrote 843 days ago

Ray, I thoroughly enjoyed this read.

You have a very smooth literary writing style that includes great characterization spun within the narrative, like--“Her hand felt snug in his, the warmth not just thermal.”

I also must applaud your character descriptions, with very original sparks of impression that leave room for the reader’s imagination to fill in the blanks, like the intro to the spinster tutor, Ruth—“…the dress was strappy enough to have adorned to better effect the figure of a lady fifty years younger than the wrinkled old woman standing inside the garment.” Your scene descriptions are equally character-revealing, like-- “...maneuvered his way through the upturned furniture, jardinières, and half-torn parasols in Ruth’s conservatory.”

The Chapter One lead-in sets the stage nicely for Gerard’s inner turmoil, while the ending line of the chapter provides a evocative lure as Gerard’s paranoia is matched by the reader’s when Gerard shivers when he notices the unusual glint of the tutor’s eyes while she is looking at his daughter. This reader shared paranoia is further fueled at the end of Chapter Two, as Ruth shuffles her foot over the grass, daydreaming. (I found this especially creepy having read the wonderfully crafted pitch that suggests there are more than roots under the grass.)

This is very impressive work that deserves to be noticed.

I think you have a winner here. Congratulations!

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

susieparker wrote 811 days ago

Hi Raymond,

Firstly, thank you for your postive comments on and for backing Foul Player. I so much appreciate your feedback.

I can certainly see why your other books are on "hauntedbooks.com." Wishing Well is haunting from the start. We are never quite certain whether Gerard's paranoia is simply getting the best of him, or if the boney old music teacher is actually deranged enough to want to possess Rosie and her other 'disciples' forever in the bottom of a well.

Rosie is smitten with her teacher and perhaps justifyably so. Gerard is struggling with his own ineptness as
a father, and Heather seems somewhat aloof as well, which leaves Rosie in a vulnerable position. I sense that even if Gerard wanted to stop the violin lessons, Rosie would protest to the point where he would give in to her demands, despite his eerie misgivings.

Your knowledge of music in general and the violin in particular, in combination with your description of Ruth's conservatory, adds a great deal of ambiance and flavor to the first few chapters. Ruth is frazzeled, with the overturned furniture and moving about like a 'hurricane." Could it be that she also moves in and out of reality? Is her wistfulness in the garden indicative of mental illness or of the children she's murdered? Perhaps she had a little girl by Gustav who died in the war and is burried in a well or in the grass somewhere?

Ah...so many questions...so little time...

Overall, a well crafted, captive read. BACKED, Susie Parker

T.L Tyson wrote 863 days ago

You know I read this many weeks back and I am at a loss as to why I didn't comment.
I remember it vividly, that is a clear sign if something is written well.
It is a brilliant piece of work tapping into the psychological attributes of its characters slyly but the way you weave this story is worth a note here. There are some amazing lines within this. Not only is Gerrad riddled with quirks but Ruth has a few of her own. This is a spine tingling story. Who doesn't fear something like this? And fear is an amazing thing. Once planted it grows and blossoms right before your eyes.
There is something truly haunting about this piece. Gerrard goes through a mixture of human emotions. Sadness over the distance between him and his daughter, hope that Ruth can help, denial, anger. But through the chapters I read there is a naggling seed of fear there. In the opening chapter he puts his reservations about the tutor to the side. This is the first blip of fear that we are confronted with. It is so sly that the reader can overlook it if not watching out for it. And it is this seed that eventually grows.
Your pitch is effective. And it had me doubting the seemingly helpful and sweet Ruth from the outset. IS she the monster I fear she may be? That will have to wait to know.
Really top notch writing. Its arms are open to the reader to devour. I have no doubt this will be published.
Backed
TL Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Maevesleibhin wrote 70 days ago

Raymond,
I have read the first two chapters so far. I am always unpressed  when there is a piece of literary fiction that truly hooks even though there is no plot in evidence. It is the mark of a great character driven book, wonderful, beautiful writing, and the work of a craftsman. I can do very little for these first two chapters that prays them. You have a wonderful character development of every single character that you're receptive, and have done this very different ways; Gerard from within, Ruth from without, and Rosie through other's eyes. You convey his subtle madness, her wonderful spirit, and the little girl's innocence in such a compelling way that it fills me with curiosity to see what you're going to do with these characters.  I particularly liked the 12 disciples metaphor. You could have been very obvious with this. Instead it is very subtle. 
You have already reached the desk, so there's no point in backing this book at this point. However, I gladly would. Top stars and best of luck with it.
Best,
Maeve

Bill Carrigan wrote 256 days ago

Hello, Raymond,

Browsing for a good read, I hit on "A Child from the Wishing Well" and couldn't pause through ten chapters. Rosie, Botolph, Ruth, and Heather spring to life. The father's paranoia and the mother's apprehension sustain tension as Ruth and Rosie interact, and a new dimension takes form in Gerard's anxious attempt at parenthood. This is the book I was looking for.

Forgive me for stopping short of a detailed critique to mention my own novel, "The Doctor of Summitville." I think you would recognize there a literary effort similar to your own, and I hope you'd enjoy the result--a story of illicit love set in an American farm town during the 1920s and '30s. The medical case at the heart of the plot draws on information recalled from writing on tuberculosis control. The challenge was to use it with clarity while emphasizing the love element and its consequences. I'd appreciate your thoughts on whether I've succeeded.

I intend to finish your book, but I've already read enough to back it when I free some shelf space. --Bill

P.S.: Last week Kindle published my first novel, "The Burden of Matter" ($2.99).

Joshua Jacobs wrote 282 days ago

I'm impressed with how quickly we understand Gerard's character. Even without reading the pitch, his paranoia is palpable in the first few paragraphs. Great characterization. In fact, all of the characters are developed well. Wow, Ruth is... well... interesting. And Rosie's instantly likeable and easy to sympathize with. I loved her line: "And maybe be dragons after?"

Vivid descriptions! I loved: "The bronze plate gave way to a blaze of exotic summer flowers. They cascaded on a cream background designed into a smocked sun dress." You sure know how to paint an image in your reader's mind. At the same time, I'm grateful that you avoid unnecessary details. You only give us what we need. Perfect.

Your writing is engrossing, and as I read, I completely forgot I was critiquing this. I can see why this made the desk

Typos: "Seven-year-olds" should be hyphenated since they're serving as a single adjective.

This is a fascinating opening chapter to what promises to be an intriguing, character-driven novel. Great work here!

Kara Richards wrote 358 days ago

I love the ideas! :) So clever... and the first chapter definitely leaves me wanting more. The character of Ruth is puzzling, especially the last line in the first chapter, which is just so powerful! Great book! :)

Ilyria_Moon wrote 376 days ago

Hello Ray :)

When will A Child From The Wishing Well be available in paperback?

Ilyria x

Becca wrote 527 days ago

hey! check your site messages!

litlush wrote 571 days ago

i like the way you write. you have wonderful rhythm. It pissed me off when you called ruths plait a miracle, it was overkill, your sentences mystifying enough. best of luck my writing friend!!

name falied moderation wrote 573 days ago

congratulations on all this. sincerely

Denise
The Letter

Penny Leigh wrote 574 days ago

Interesting, it has suspense which is good. I do feel however, that there could be more development. More so in the beginning, but no worries. I am sure there are things I need to work on as well. It is interesting at the beginnig where there loooks to be a flash of light in the child's eyes. Hmm, might have to come back later. But it is a good read.

CG Fewston wrote 580 days ago

Bravo.

name falied moderation wrote 655 days ago

Dear Raymond
I have been watching your book book climb as it has been one of my favorites. I have already commented and backed your book, and i just want to say congrats on reaching the top. I am so pleased and do wish you the very best. I do wish to see you are published and on the book shelves in the store as I wish to buy your book
Denise
The Letter

Raymond Nickford wrote 655 days ago

Dear Ron,

Thank you for your kind comment.

The inclusion of "Not Miss" in double inverted commas is correct and deliberate, as Ruth is, within her own speech, directly quoting what Rosie has just said; so that we have quotes within quotes... but thankyou for your observation.

Best wishes
Ray


Hi Raymond,

Congratulations on getting this story to the top. I can see why it got there. It's a great story and I'm sorry I got to it too late to help it in the ratings but you managed without my help, anyway.

I'm sure by now, you've already corrected anything that needs it in your original ms, but just in case, I did spot one speech mark error in the paragraph where Ruth says 'Not Miss' in the first chapter.

Good luck with this.

Ron

RonParker wrote 657 days ago

Hi Raymond,

Congratulations on getting this story to the top. I can see why it got there. It's a great story and I'm sorry I got to it too late to help it in the ratings but you managed without my help, anyway.

I'm sure by now, you've already corrected anything that needs it in your original ms, but just in case, I did spot one speech mark error in the paragraph where Ruth says 'Not Miss' in the first chapter.

Good luck with this.

Ron

FreshPress wrote 669 days ago

I'm sorry, I'm rubbish at reviews. All I can tell you is that I'm completely blown away. Your writing arouses just the right quantity of fear, suspicion, and slight amusement in the reader. I shall check out your website.

Over and out,
FreshPress

Idea Girl Consulting wrote 694 days ago

ch 20 fingers hung like raw sausages... ROFL... love your character descriptions... but one thing.. to all readers.. make sure you've eaten first lol :)) im hungry now... sigh... great read!

Idea Girl Consulting wrote 694 days ago

ch 20 fingers hung like raw sausages... ROFL... love your character descriptions... but one thing.. to all readers.. make sure you've eaten first lol :)) im hungry now... sigh... great read!

rascal1 wrote 697 days ago

Raymod -- this is a great read. I just got to read/back books so I'm sorry I haven't gotten to you sooner. Thank you so much again! I've backed it and have added your book to my watchlist. Keep writing -- loved it. Peace - Debra Darven

Quenntis wrote 710 days ago

I've been meaning to get to this for ages! I've read your first chapter and can relate to the fear parents feel for their children's safety. Our son also took violin lessons for a short time, as did I. The violin can sound really bad in the hands of a novice, and I thought on more than one occasion that the teacher would kill our son for his playing. I often felt like it! Hah! I'm reading on. Q

Lorri Proctor wrote 712 days ago

This fascinating story is about a paranoid and repressed father who seeks to find his own inner child again and in this way learn to communicate with his daughter Rosie. Even with the first few chapters, one feels how lonely and sensitive a child Gerard Botolph must have been himself. Ray Nickford captures the swift changes of mood; the fear, disgust and intuitive sense of something sinister which Gerard has for Ruth, the wierd old music teacher who is to teach Rosie the violin. Contrasting this disgust is his inborn need to admire and revere someone and Ruth's musical genius entrances him.
Ruth is a strange characcter; she wears inappropriate clothes, a parody of youth when she is, in fact, an old hag, a crone. One feels the childlike fear once experienced by us all when reading a fairy tale as Gerard and Rosie enter Ruth's dark domain. Is she the witch with the gingerbread house and they Hansel and Gretel holding hands before they enter? (for Gerard is still immature at some level,) This story stirs our own unconscious minds, taking us back to childhood and the haunted corners of rooms and dark passageways, reminds us of that curiosity about the dark vegatative feminine side of life which both fascinates and repels the bright, light rational mind.
Sometimes the story feels like a dream which Gerard is dreaming, or rather his worst nightmare. Will he wake up from it all or is it all happening in reality?. It's a clever plot, beautifully written. Very good indeed.

denniszaca wrote 713 days ago

Hmmm. This is a tough one. You seem to be a skillful writer, but I admit to ending the first chapter with no will to read on. Maybe it's a personal bias or an American vs British thing, but to me your characters are just too unlikable. Gerard seems exceedingly stodgy, and Ruth is the very picture of the overly patronizing old frump that would have had me, at age seven, fleeing for my life. Rosie, on the other hand, seems simply disengaged, which I'd say is to her credit - but it doesn't stir an interest in me to read any more about her.

To me, Chapter One is the one you really need to get right. You have to introduce the world your characters live in. You have to set the tone for everything to come. And, somehow, you need to get the audience on your side. That's the part where you lost me.

I know this wasn't the reaction you were looking for, but I hope it helps to know that some people, at least, will react this way.

Raymond Nickford wrote 720 days ago

Jann,

I'm so grateful that you have taken the time to read 10 chapters and thrilled that you have understood, in depth, my intentions for character development, suspense and plot.

Ray



The meticulous, obsessive nature of paranoia is beautifully depicted here, Ray. Gerard's frantic inner questioning of Ruth's motive's towards his daughter suggests a man who has lost completely any awareness of his own centre of balance. Hemmed in by his Botolph heritage, he has no capacity for demonstrative affection. He is also excruciatingly aware of it. As a result, he is haunted by the fear of losing what he loves, picking up every nuance of possibility and worrying at it like a terrier with a bone. The elderly Ruth, who bonds so easily with Rosie, becomes a potential ogre who will spirit away his daughter's heart.

But then we ask ourselves, are his suspicions justified?

This fraught situation drew me in from the start and delivers a compulsive read. What an irony that it should ultimately be Heather who is convinced that the apparently dotty music teacher is having sinister effects on their daughter! The sudden deaths of Heather and Ruth are shocking (sorry--no pun intended), and I felt as agitated and full of dread as Rosie trying to tell her father on the phone.

Ruth's character, in particular, whether she is acting out the characters of all the garden squirrels or throwing newspapers into the air to illustrate the varied enthusiasms of different composers, comes across in vivid flashes, funneled through the perceptions of others. Effective, and startlingly graphic. Great qualities in a thriller, especially when you've got a story that makes your blood run cold as well.
Backed, though I'll be giving music teachers a wide berth in future.

Jann King ("Making Connections")



alicev wrote 722 days ago

Hi Raymond,

I like how you portray the strained relationship between father and daughter. Gerard's unsure fatherly abilities really comes to life with his thoughts. Backed and hope it helped to give you a little boost.

Alice V
The Shoes that Charlotte Wore

Green H wrote 722 days ago

reviewed by harper colins wow wow wow, i had to take my work off cz my poetry was just too little to only put some one, i wish u all the best

Keri Kern wrote 723 days ago

Well done!! I'm very excited for you. The best of luck
Keri

Tom Bye wrote 723 days ago

congratulations.
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'

DeJarnett wrote 723 days ago

Raymond,
I haven't been able to read all of the chapters as of yet, but what I have read is very well written. Your style draws the reader in and entwines us into the story. Can't wait to be able to complete the reading. Backed!

Coco DeJarnett
The Monster Under The Bed

sharon cooper wrote 723 days ago

Congratulations on making it to the editor's desk. I hope for the best for you.
Sharon Cooper
Seka

philip john wrote 724 days ago

Well done!

Philip John

pwinkle wrote 724 days ago

Very good. Happy to trade reads.
I found it a bit difficult to follow the dialogue at first but the next thing I know I'm chuckling along and frowning at Gerard's discomfort and awkwardness.
You've captured 3 very different voices in the first chapter and done it very well. Backed.

pscp_janeway wrote 724 days ago

Fascinating first chapter. I especially liked how you managed to pull together breaking and disciples to lead to breaking bread at the last super and how that later fed into the concept of a crucifixion. You definitely made me feel like I had some insight into the mental instability behind paranoia. I also loved the awkward moment when he objected to ‘Our Rosie’ and I was relieved to note that he hadn’t been heard.

Best of luck with this

Marise

acmlee wrote 724 days ago

Hi Nick - Just checked out the first three chapters of 'A Child From The Wishing Well' as promised.. and just before the deadline!
Good work - I can see why you're top 5! Look like a well crafted story with good dialogue & realistic characters. Backed with pleasure.
Adrian Lee

iamwillwhite wrote 724 days ago

A Mrs. Fenton taught me, she was lovely. This aside I've just finished reading the first chapter and have enjoyed what I have read so far. The end is such a subtle cliff hanger but none-the-less I still had to whizz to chapter two to see what happened. Love the thought processes Gerard is going through (and subsequently how you have written his mind-journey) and the dialogue is spot on. Good luck, Will

Gary Morris wrote 724 days ago

A spectacular psychological thriller, keeps you guessing, and draws you into the story so deaply that you start to empathise with the main character. ;-). Marvelous work!

WinstonSmith wrote 724 days ago

Good luck, Raymond... Home you're still on the top five at the end of the day. You deserve the attention.

Peter G wrote 724 days ago

A chilling, carefully written story in the tradition of the E.A.Poe but planted in the present and the recent past. The bold, believable characters and the subtle evolution of the plot keep you reading throughout the night; this is not an exaggeration, in fact I stopped reading at 2 a.m.

Backed.

Peter G

DMHeadley wrote 725 days ago

Wishing you good luck Ray.

Your book is great and should published xxx

D. L. Stroupe wrote 725 days ago

So close to the Editor's desk, and so deserving. I hope they do more than just review it too. This should be in print! Good luck!!

DMHeadley wrote 725 days ago

Ray, This is a fantastic book. Hope you get to number one :)
I just could not put it down xxxx

Gary Morris wrote 726 days ago

A beautifully crafted work. It depicts a quite horiffic emotional journey beautifully. A tour de force. Bravo!

Terri Douglas wrote 726 days ago

Hello Ray. loved your writing. no surprise really you're already at no 5. - Terri Douglas

Vonne wrote 726 days ago

I could have sworn that I already comment on this, Raymond. Only because I remember reading it and becoming enthralled with the story. A Child From The Wishing Well, is one of the best reads on this site. Your character development is amazing and I have actually glanced back at it numerous times to help me with my writing. Backed! Backed! Backed!

Good Luck.
Kelly Libsack
Ethereal Sight

Lin Meadows wrote 726 days ago

Raymond,

I am impressed with your writing. We shall keep hunting for the right agent and publisher. I would much rather write than do all this business stuff, which is usually disappointing. I have to remember that Madeleine L'Engel's first book was turned down 28 times, and it took James Joyce 10 years to whip "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man," into saleable shape.

Good luck with your rise to the top. Try to remember those of us somewhat farther down.
Thanks, live and be well.
Lin

Lin Meadows wrote 726 days ago

Raymond,

I am impressed with your writing. We shall keep hunting for the right agent and publisher. I would much rather write than do all this business stuff, which is usually disappointing. I have to remember that Madeleine L'Engel's first book was turned down 28 times, and it took James Joyce 10 years to whip "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man," into saleable shape.

Good luck with your rise to the top. Try to remember those of us somewhat farther down.
Thanks, live and be well.
Lin

MistressofRotherhithe wrote 726 days ago

I am loving this story, the sense of menace combined with Gerrard's mental frailty combine to create a fantastically atmospheric novel. What I think is so interesting though, is that you have perfectly captured the fragility and complexity of the parent-child relationship: as a parent I can completely related to the sense of discomfort that we feel when an adult who isn't family develops a close relationship with our children and this is something that I think many readers can identify with even if they haven't previously had exposure to anxiety or mental/psychological problems. All extremely well drawn. The very best of luck with this
Alison

Stephanie225 wrote 726 days ago

Interesting premise, and it's a good start.
However, I didn't think the petunia wilting reference was necessary and the next sentance (said by who?) was a little random. If you make a reference to needing to water the smile, what should she water it with? Music, drink some water, egg snack?
Also, I didn't think Rosie's actions and her statement quite matched up when she questioned why her Dad was still there. Either she would frown (upset becasue her Dad was still around and she was a big girl and could do this by herself) or she would smile/look confused/hopeful that he was still around.

Lu-Lu wrote 727 days ago

Best of luck Raymond!

I hope everything works out for you. The tutor, Ruth, is something else. SPOOKY is what comes to mind. The way she's manipulating Rosie is well thought out and well written. It takes a very creative mind to come up with writing like this.

Backed,
Lu-Lu :)

shawnapiranha wrote 727 days ago

This deserves to be on the editors desk!!

Best of luck!!

-Shawna Logue
It's a Kind of Magic

Big E wrote 727 days ago

A gripping story that i can't stop reading, consider yourself backed

James_Hall wrote 727 days ago

As requested, Raymond, my comments:

I think the title is superb. One of those which has universal appeal.
The concept has both warmth and mystery and based on what I read the classification is fair in that it is as well written as the literary books found here and yet engaging like the thrillers, generally my preferred type.
I particularly liked the opening. It was human and touching, for example the father holding his daughter's hand and yet there was still the air of menace lurking. There are some great descriptions, particularly the musiic teacher in the dress more suted to a younger woman and the hook at the end coupled with an enjoyable first chapter drives me to read more. As many of my comments indicate I'm not a fan of reading on screen, but if this was available in a printable format I would most definitely read on. This book is presently at no.5 in the rankings and I can add my admiration for your staying power on this site. It thoroughly deserves to get to the Editor's Desk this month and I have a gut feeling that HC will progress with it.
Good luck
J.






Kitch wrote 727 days ago

I think Hitchcock would have liked this!