Living with the Truth

I started on chapter 2, based on Debbie's comments, and it felt like a start.
Your character seemed to be over reacting to things.
I really like the quirky idea for the book.
Can you carry it off?

An interesting idea and I like your style. The pace is a bit slow for my taste, but I realise that this is not an action book so accept the slowness. I wish you luck with it. I found it interesting particularly as I am at present working on a poem on the childhood of truth. Backed.
Cheers
Elaine
(Long Lying Below)

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

I actually liked chapter 1, to some extent, but I think it is much too long. If you could cut it in half, at least, it would help termendously. For one thing, you do such a good job of making the protagonist so unlikeable, people will stop reading because they won't care about him.

It is an interesting idea, interestingly portrayed.

I found your style very engaging and love the idea of personifying truth. You've found plenty of nooks and crannies for humour while maintaining the integrity of your concept. I think it is fair to say that the introspective detail is a little slow, but the charm in the writing is a great compensation. Very good luck with the project.

I agree with all comments saying this needs to start with Chapter 2. The trouble with Chapter 1 (and some of the later passages) is that it's all tell and no show. However sparkily written the 'tell' is, (and it is) it's like being fed a great meal instead of being allowed to use your own cutlery. I was engaged by this but something was bothering me and then I realised...it's a great short story idea. It could be really intriuging and emotionally punchy. But stretched out over a novel, without much plot - I think accepting an abstract personification of a virtue is a lead character would just become too irritating, it's didactic instead of dramatic. I should stress that if this sounds harsh, I only stopped by to offer my opinions (such as they are) because I think getting published is sometimes just the right writer finding the right idea. This writer is a natural - fluent, witty, inventive, it *reads* like a book - who would benefit from a stronger premise and plot, to better balance up the show and tell, without cramping his style. Also, and make of this what you will, I recently read a piece of virtually plot-less much-lauded literary fiction and it was a right bunch of cobblers, not as much fizz as this. Even if a character is essentially all about their interior life, don't be afraid to make things happen in their actual life.

Jim,

I, anyway, did like the inclusion of chapter one. About a third of the way through chapter three, though, I caught myself peeking ahead. All the same, the psychologist in me likes this story and can appreciate the slice of life you offer re: a person like this, i.e., one who tends to live in his head, compartmentalizes his emotion, and in general tends to keep to himself. The humor is what makes Jonathan unique in this regard and likely to snag the general reader; perhaps you could offer more of this early on in chapter three? And since truth is relative for someone like me, I enjoyed your version of Truth as well. ;) Should you upload more, do let me know.

Cindy

I started on chapter 2, based on Debbie's comments, and it felt like a start.
Your character seemed to be over reacting to things.
I really like the quirky idea for the book.
Can you carry it off?

This was an interesting read, but I felt that if you started with chapter 2, you'd hook the reader in a lot more quickly as chapter 1 is rather slow. I confess I skipped most of chapter 1 and only got interested at chapter 2 - you get enough of Jonathan's nature from the way he reacts to the stranger at the door - you don't need to tell it to us in detail in chapter 1, as you're showing us with a bit of action in chapter 2.