Gifts

Hi,
The idea is a good one.The pace is good and the MC's voice cmes across well, which means you can write..
I think the way you've written this needs some changes. The first paragraph or two in Ch 1 are OK.
After that, I would counsel you use scenes to tell the story, not just 'tell'.
Paint the pictures in the reader's head. What do they see? The sights, the sounds, the smells are important cues for the reader's imagination. You have to structure the writing: describe the scene, the characters, the action then the dialogue and finally some kind of introspection or effect. Otherwise, you are just 'telling' a story.
The tenses change from past to present in the first chapter. It's important to stick to one tense all the way through.
I like the story and think it has potential.
Try 'Self-editing for Fiction Writers' by Dave King and Renni Browne. Available on Amazon as a paperback - changed my writing forever!

Interesting premise. Dramatic tension from the start - a story about child abuse, and more. I'm already rooting for Daniel. I didn't have a problem with first person POV - although I really wanted to observe Daniel in action more before her collapse on stage. And perhaps a scene with the mom getting paid? I dislike the mom, but need more to go on... perhaps try and flesh her out a bit more?

Over all a nice idea with some great potential for development.

Best of luck.

Q

Simone,

I thought Ch1 was very powerful and the first person narrative worked very well.
By the time I got to Daniel, I had been confused, before returning to understanding.

I can see why you considered changing to third person. With so many first person narratives, the reader gets a little confused, has to put themselves into different people. Apart from this the story is very well written. Someone will have a good idea about how to overcome these problems. How about telling the most important character from the first person and switch to third person for the secondary characters?

Excellent work
Warrick

Great opening chapter!! I didn't see any inconsistencies in voice and rather felt that first person was very powerful. Clever premise. Do wish you'd spent a tad more time on the MC. I think the reader identifies with him immediately from the story of childhood but may need some concrete features to latch onto. Otherwise, very nicely done!