Book Jacket

 

rank 3388
word count 69540
date submitted 13.10.2011
date updated 23.11.2011
genres: Non-fiction, Comedy
classification: universal
complete

Who's The Fool?

Hermione Ainley

You'd like to run a restaurant? Check this out first...

 

Between 1984 and 2002, my husband and I imagined, built, ran and finally sold a restaurant beside the canal in Northamptonshire.

First, we spent two years converting a derelict carpenter’s workshop, wrongly assuming that this would be the hard part. We then employed a chef and a restaurant manager but, realising that we were in danger of going under, dispensed with both and did all the work ourselves, helped by a willing crew of young people and one or two equally untrained adults. By the time we finally sold, we had a loyal clientele and a reasonably successful business, but it was always incredibly hard work.

The story begins at the beginning, as we obtained and converted the building and began to discover how much we didn’t know. It then moves on to cover different topics including my disastrous attempts as a chef, my husband’s rapid transformation from can’t-boil-an-egg to cooking for 40, the coffee and shortbread approach to dealing with officialdom and much else. The end deals with our attempts to sell while coping with my husband’s terminal illness and an obstructive landlord, and finally the handover to the only people dumb enough to buy.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

autobiography, cookery, humour

on 9 watchlists

22 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Linda Lou wrote 121 days ago

WHO'S THE FOOL
hullo Hermione. I can honestly sympathize with lofty goals and dreams. Been there. I lived in my 'project' house for 15 years while I and my kids gutted and restored a house which was originally built in 1887. By the time I had it almost complete I entered into a relationship and moved into another house. I still drive by and have flashbacks. Great story, so true whether in the States or in England it's all about the same. fully starred. Please take a look at my non-fiction even though it differs considerably from yours. thanks for that. LLL

StaceyM wrote 146 days ago

A return read - sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to you! Please take my comments with a pinch of salt. I’m not a professional editor but I am an avid amateur reader of pretty much anything that grabs me. If I come across as harsh, that’s my BPD-driven inner perfectionist and I apologise for her….she can be mean but she means well.

Pitches: I thought the final paragraph could have been combined with the middle one. You’ve already told me where you start the story, and where it ends….and I really didn’t like the line about the new owners being dumb.

C1: Straight away I see one of my editing bugbears - you need to use contractions. I am, I have etc, all work even better as I’m and I’ve. When I see them in a piece of writing, my assumption is that you’ve not edited properly. Everyone writes I am etc when the creative process is going on (I know I do it), but it’s important to go back and contract for today’s market. ETA - after reading further, it’s clear you have gone through this carefully as I couldn’t find typos, but this opening still bugs me.

“Richard and my husband” - I would re-jig this because I immediately asked “who the heck is Richard”. If you change it to “My husband and his friend, Richard,” then it makes more sense. You also don’t actually say how/when you and Richard got together, it’s just sort of assumed by the “ten years later” bit which I found disappointing. I like to know my characters before delving into their story.

I don’t like the bit in brackets about skipping the rest of the chapter. It doesn’t fill me with much faith in your writing abilities and this is where an agent would probably toss your MS aside. Make it worth reading, and if it really isn’t worth reading, don’t write it.

Overall opinion from first 2 chapters: I don’t mean to sound down, but your comments on characters come across as quite mean-spirited rather than humorous. Charlie the chef was boring, the delivery man had BO, the disabled customers broke your toilet chain…if the book continues in this vein, it’ll come across as complaining rather than humorous. It’s also the way you describe making the tables, and the dust coloured carpets etc. You’re making it sound like a hideous, ramshackle place, but without the humour it needs to keep me interested. From the books comments, other people have clearly found this humorous, so it’s possibly just me. Some of the stories were amusing, but I’m left with an overall opinion of a disjointed series of mini-stories, no real idea of the characters involved, and a generally gloomy overview of the whole business. Sorry…it’s possibly my too literal brain preventing me from seeing what other people have.

Helianthus wrote 180 days ago

Alright, I read all of this, except the menus at the end which held no interest for me. I think you'd be served better by culling out some of the bits, and elaborating more on others. As it stands now, your pacing is a bit off in some indefinable way. It felt like you were rushing to get to punchlines but not really building the joke, if that makes sense.

This is the sort of story that people can get really involved in on a personal level, but I was missing a sense of "you" in it. You hired and fired people, you won and lost battles, but I never felt your own pain or pride. If you were to build each bit up with more story, with more of what it meant in your heart or in the hearts of others, then I think I'd have been more immersed.

I was also concerned on your behalf by the idea that some of these people might read this. What will "the only people dumb enough to buy" your restaurant think of you, if they do? What will your former customers think?

Nathan O'Hagan wrote 182 days ago

I just read two chapters. Normally i don't read much non-fiction, and what i do read tends to be more serious, but i thought this was mostly very well written and raised a few laughs. As you predicted, the building part does slow it down. I tried to read it but had to skip much of it. I have to agree with an earlier comment that it would work better if we were being carried along with the development as iut happens, rather than you relaying the story in the past tense. Your writing itself has no faults, but I think you need to mae us feel what you were feeling more, let us feel the tension, the despair and the relief/joy a bit more. I see many people here don't agree with me, so clearly you're doing something right. It's not for me, but I'm impressed enough with your writing to give you very high stars. Best of luck with the book.

Catherine Edmunds wrote 187 days ago

One of the first things my daughter did as a waitress was drop a pizza in a customer's lap. She's told me about her mortification in excruciating detail, so your opening paragraph most definitely rang a bell.

You have a gripping prose style. This is fast paced and engrossing right from the start. I wouldn't have thought that the subject matter would particularly interest me, but this is about the people, and of course I'm interested in people. Who isn't?

I've skimmed on and popped into various chapters. The style is light and witty and has quickly convinced me (not that I needed convincing) that I am NEVER going to run a restaurant, but I can quite happily read a decent book about the whole experience.

My only criticism would be the title and the lack of cover art. I don't have a suggestion for a title, but your title makes it sound like the book could be a bit of a whinge, when it really isn't -- and I'm sure you can upload a photo to make the cover more appealing.

RobRow wrote 190 days ago

Hermione:

I've enjoyed what I've read so far of Who's the Fool? An excrutiatingly entertaining story.

(I felt the very opening was a bit confusing regarding how you introduce--or, more accurately, don't introduce--Richard. You jump into the subject by saying "Richard and my then husband gave up their jobs . . .", but there is no foreshadowing as to what this relationship is all about. The momentary confusion is cleared up in the subsequent paragraphs, but I felt you might have been able to signal what the upcoming "twist" was all about.

Best,
Rob

kerrygt3 wrote 190 days ago

Wow talk about perservearance and grit. The British Bull Dog in evidence, with undelying humour and good will.
A sort of tongue in cheek, slightly jaundiced peripheral view, of the renervations of an old building for commercial purposes. Quirky good fun and slightly understated. Good luck with this Hermione.

Kerry Code Word Parabellum

Diwrite wrote 191 days ago

Great start to a book - really made me smile.
Although this isn't usually the sort of thing I'd read, my brother lives on a boat in Oxfordshire so I felt a natural connection. To me, it felt a bit like it skipped about a bit, but the humour makes it very easy to read.
You can't go wrong with a book that makes you laugh.

Good luck,
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Tournesol wrote 192 days ago

Hi Hermione,
I read your entire book a while back but have just realised I didn’t comment. I thought it a delightful read, a good flowing pace to the main storyline with plenty of anecdotes and asides with so many occasions of humour that I frequently found myself chuckling.
The editing is pretty top notch, very polished – I can’t remember seeing a single typo or incorrect word in the whole work and this is an obvious attraction in any book.
I did feel the later part of the book was a little rushed and much may have been passed over. Whilst I’m not suggesting things should be included for the sake of it, I felt a little disoriented at at least one point where you mentioned a chunk of time had passed as it felt you were squashing too many years into a short section of writing.
Altogether, most enjoyable.
Best.

Kolro wrote 192 days ago

I would say I'm lumped with another rival in the comedy department but this is so instantly funny it outshines anything I could ever write in reality or a dream. I can't remember the first time I've ever genuinely laughed out loud at the first few sentences of any book. This is brilliant. As the story progresses we find it is full of witty asides and warm charm. I'm going to have to keep my envious eye on this. I don't know how the other eye feels.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 192 days ago

This well written book has a refreshingly clear, engaging tone. We have all done stupid things but rarely have they been served up in such appealing portions for us to laugh about. Barring some gentle editing for shape and flow, I think this book has genuine potential. Highly rated.

Your cover could be more exciting. Bradley Wind, who has a book in the top five, is happy to help.

Also, your long pitch is hard to read - break it down into bite sized chunks, smothered in humour.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

stoatsnest wrote 213 days ago

This is very entertaining. I did skip the building work. I think you have to decide whether you want to write a book which is a true and accurate record of absolutely everything that happened or whether you should organise things more. There are lots of funny stories and you are a wit, but they tend to crowd each other a bit.

bunderful wrote 214 days ago

I kept reading this because I was interested in your story, however I think it would have worked better if it was told in the present - as it happened. I think we would care more about your characters if we "live" with them as they experience everything. The story and the romance could go hand in hand in keeping your readers glued to the page and wanting more. The way it is told now -as interesting as it is - it's narrated after the fact - once everything has already happened and that doesn't give it the sense of immediacy that would likely draw in most readers...

All the best,

Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

AudreyB wrote 214 days ago

Hi, there – this is a review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

You get bonus points for having one of the best opening lines I’ve ever read on Authonomy. Bravo.

The paragraph that begins “One of the consequences of our squash playing…” makes no sense to me. I am not even sure how to explain what I don’t understand. You talk about toiletries, which to me are things like toothpaste, hand lotion, and so on, which are unusual in a restaurant bathroom but occasionally offered. Then there’s a line about body parts that I can’t connect to anything. “the Watney Mann takeover of Ruddles” probably would mean something to a local reader, but not to me. I’m lost. The confusion is unusual as this piece has been crystal clear up until this paragraph.

It might be worthwhile to explain more about the canals to people who don’t happen to be English. I’m guessing there’s a district with lots of canals to be explored, and that it’s a fairly busy area with those who can afford boats. But I’d love to see the place, hear its wildlife, and smell what it’s like there.

Parts of this have me laughing so hard I have to stop to rest.

I would suggest either leaving out the bit of information about having initially been married to someone else, or expand on it a bit more. The amount offered left me cold. It sounded like you ditched your first husband and wasn’t a good note for starting this endeavor.

I read the first two chapters and think you have a wonderful story on your hands. I am not sure what the audience for this is, but if there is an audience, they’ll love it!!

All the best to you!!

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

pilot/writer wrote 216 days ago

In my time in the military I ran several different food service clubs for the troops and it was quite an interesting experience. Your book has a humourous slant which is the best way to tell a non-fiction story such as this.
The disabled vandals sounds like a story in and of itself. Anyway- well done and backed. Henry

Bea Sinclair wrote 219 days ago

You hooked me with the first paragraph. Love this book. I am sure you will shoot up the charts. Starred and on my WL awaiting promotion. Yours Bea.

QuinnYA wrote 220 days ago

You cover things that should have been disasterous and disenchanting to most people and turn it into a funny thing. I love that. You kept me laughing through what I've skimmed of this. It's amazing, and even while it made me chuckle, I learned a few things. I don't have anything negative to say about this at all. It kinda made my day!

Missy
I hope to back it in about a week ;)

Bad Karma wrote 220 days ago

In a very noticeable sense, it's difficult to critique a nonfiction book. I can't very well go "these characters need more humanity" or "your plot is contrived!", even if that happens to be completely true.

Fortunately I don't have to do that with this. It's just as difficult for a nonfiction author to write a FUNNY memoir. Somehow, so far, you're doing it! I have no complaints about your prose, which frequently makes me giggle (and I laughed heartily at the Pythagorean reference), and I can sympathize with a lot of the building aspects. My family remodeled our house when I was still in high school, so--among other things--I learned very quickly how to slate a three-story house and insulate and lay mismatching bricks. I'm glad you had a more entertaining time of it than I did; but suffice it to say that I know the pain you may have had.

I haven't delved into the full book yet, of course (there are quite a few books to read, not to mention my job and personal writing to worry about), but you're doing a great job so far. You may possibly read this as any other "vapid praise" critique, but I assure you that if you look at other critiques I've made, you'd know I don't pull punches. If there was something in this book that I saw and didn't like, I'd damn well tell you it; the fact that I haven't found such a something is good news on your part.

Congratulations on having an entertaining outlook on life, by the way. That may seem like an odd adulation, but one cannot deny the acerbic outlook that many authors seem to have about the world. The fact that you can see and vocalize the comedy of your experiences is something precious. I'll see if I can get around to reading more soon enough; as it stands, keep up the good work!

flower girl wrote 223 days ago

You describe the events very well. I love the canals and anything about them. I've star-rated this, added it to my watchlist, and will back it as soon as I have a space on my shelf ... which should be tomorrow.
Cheers
Gill

Warrick Mayes wrote 223 days ago

Hermione,

I was caught by the description of your book. Normally, this is not my thing, but found myself being very interested and wanting to read it.
I did read some of your first chapter. This clearly shows that a great deal of effort has been put into your book. It is very well written, and (in my opinion) an excellent basis for a book. I would also be interested in your tavels from the Canaries back to Northampton.

Good luck with this second time around.
Warrick

mclevin wrote 224 days ago

Being a huge fan of Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential", I couldn't resist digging into this when I saw it pop up on authonomy today.

Glad I did. Have been laughing and grinning since the opening line.

Have only read a few chapters, but am hungry for more.

Nicely done.

Welcome to my shelf.

-G

Su Dan wrote 224 days ago

honest and true; well written and easy-to-read...
this is on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

1