Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 77532
date submitted 15.10.2011
date updated 08.02.2012
genres: Literary Fiction
classification: moderate
complete

The Poet

Andrew Stevens

Family, forgiveness and the lies people tell.



 

The Poet knows full well what he is. Doctor Carmichael’s talked about stress, panic, the caustic afterburn of fear and regret. It’s just he doesn’t know why he’s like this. His mother says he’s always been a ‘quiet, thoughtful child’. His step-father thinks it might be ‘a teenage thing’. His brother likes to say he’s ‘careful’ while his sister tends to plump for the blunter, if undeniably more accurate, ‘weird’.

He is weird. Literally so. He was an unusual baby; an easy baby but unusual all the same. He never cried. Not once. Or so the story goes. He just ate and slept and watched, content to allow life to pass him by. He was, according to reverentially recollected family lore, very nearly three before he said his first word. His mother seems to think it was ‘tractor’, although he finds this hard to believe.

He’s always felt different, detached from the world around him, a foreign face in an alien land. Not that he’s complaining. It’s not an unpleasant feeling. In fact, it’s barely a feeling at all.

And then he goes and spoils it all by writing that stupid, bloody poem...

 
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tags

1970s, 1980s, coming of age, england, family, memory, mystery, psychological thriller, suburbs, truth

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170 comments

 

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mvw888 wrote 51 days ago

I had read some of this last week and finally came back for a longer read and some comments tonight. It's a credit to your skill that I've exhausted most of my time reading MUCH more than I had planned. This is quality, well-crafted prose, awash in vivid images. I enjoyed the varying times and perspectives, a collage-type effect, like a puzzle putting itself together. I thought you did a fabulous job differentiating between the perspectives in voice and style. There is an overwhelming tension, a building feeling, a tunnel to someplace probably not great. In fact, the first several chapters had such an intensity that I was wondering how long you could go on like that and eventually, it relented a bit, widened out.

Beautiful writing and for the particular view it gives us of your poet, a wonderful beginning. This is something I'd be happy to follow along to the end, because I'd be curious about the story but also because I'd be interested to see what you make of your theme. Because of course everyone feels different, poet or not.

Mary

KGleeson wrote 120 days ago

The poet is a character we aren't likely to forget in the blur of authonomy reads. He is a precocious young child and a sensitive troubled teen whose difficulty in negotiating the world reflects the issue society has with accepting anyone different from the bland, unadventurous and unthreatening norm. We are shown that he's an observer, someone who as a child was content to sit quietly and look out on the world rather than interact with it. No carpe diem for him, he hides from the day. He worries what the day might bring to himself and those he loves and even imagines dangers those he doesn't even know.

The characterization is very carefully crafted here through his actions and experiences. His thoughts as an eight year old are precocious and so full of overthinking and worry about what might happen. I found it authentic, having encountered some children like this who worry themselves sick when they find it difficult to block out all the possibilities of danger. The nervous ticks, the bitten nails, the night prowls to check on everyone are all very well observed. And amid all these wonderfully observed details we sense there is something more going on, a subtle tension that stretches slowly through the narrative and drives us on. Highly starred. Kristin

Kaychristina wrote 128 days ago

Andrew, so this is how Poets are born and grow. This reads with the rhythmic chuffing of a cross-country train, yet beneath it growls the voice of a Roddy Doyle.

How tough it must be in the face of the Mr Berrymans and philistines of his ilk. Not to mention the utter shame of a schoolmaster, whose deeds have been rewarded by a royal send-off in the form of this boy's label for life: The Poet.

His strength is growing, I can feel it, but ache for the day - we can only hope, that he realizes what it is to be an Artist. Then what will Doctor Carmichael, his family, the bullyboys have to say? Leonard, indeed - if only he ever knew.

High stars for this Poet, a backing as soon as space allows, and very best wishes -

From Kay
(*Annacara*)

Joshua Jacobs wrote 113 days ago

To be honest, I had no idea what to expect from this. Yet after your first paragraph, I knew I would enjoy it. You're a quality writer. The writing is polished and taps perfectly into the mind of your narrator. You really capture the voice of a kid well in chapter one. As a teacher, I honestly felt like one of my students was telling me about his weekend. You have a knack for seeing the world through a kid's eyes.

You also establish the setting with vivid, yet simplistic descriptions. I felt like I was right there with him watching his dog, observing my surroundings.

I thought the passage of time and the switch in tense might be jarring, but you pulled it off. The tone darkens, but again, you're such a skilled writer that you manage this transition with ease, mostly due to your ability to create such depth for your MC.

In the end, I was left a bit in awe. This is not something I would typically pick up and read, and in terms of story, it's not one that is particularly engaging to me, but I love your writing. You have a gift and deserve to be published. Fantastic work!

Jake Barton wrote 129 days ago

First comment. Daunting, far more daunting than I'd imagined. I read it all, all the chapters posted to date - great final line of chapter three by the way - with immense interest. The story switches around, different periods, different characters, but it's all building, quietly but remorselessly, as we learn a little more at every stage. The book is well planned, very carefully and thoughtfully constructed, and the pace is leisurely, allowing the story to develop at an appropriate level. Characterisation is what drives the plot and there's no need to rush; we find out a little more at every stage, building up a more complete picture of this most fascinating main character.

I've not concerned myself with nit-picking as there's ample evidence of thought at every stage, the editing is precise and the storyline carefully composed. It's an unusual book, in many ways, and one of the most intriguing I've come across on this site.

You're a writer of rare stature, that's evident from reading even the pitches, but this is nothing so simple as an abstract exercise in writing. I get the impression you've decided on a very particular mode of expressing yourself in telling the story about an unusual child whose difference will form the entire focus of the book.

I'd happily read more, am eager to see where you'll take this. It's on my shelf with profound admiration.
Jake

EltopiaAuthor wrote 14 hours ago

Perhaps the best book description I have read on Authonomy.com, in my opinion. I am still struggling with my book description, which I have changed a thousand times, or so it seems. This author has it down to an art.

Tarri wrote 3 days ago

I loved The Poet, the character - he's delightful in his brilliance and attempts to blend into the nothingness of being average. It is beautiful how the author captured that desire so many kids have to be invisible and not attract even the most minute attention from any of their social groups. Which is obviously impossible in The Poet's life. He's too unique, too anxious, too smart, too curious. His thinking dialog is so far beyond his peers I was intrigued by the adult prose he uses to describe even the most childish difficulties and angst. But overall, I was saddened by The Poet. The book is beautifully written, Andrew is a master craftsman at painting images and emotions with words. The Poet, the person, he mattered to me. The end was really harsh. I may have to go read a romance novel or watch the news or something to cheer up. You are very talented, Andrew ... though I will have to brush up on British slang if I'm going to read another.

Terry B wrote 14 days ago

Congratulations on getting to the editors desk.
Best wishes, and good luck for the future.
Terry "Never Again" (New title of published book Someone to Love Us )

Laura Markovitch wrote 16 days ago

Just one comment - I can't wait to see this in print. I am hooked. Congratulations on your "medal!" Your writing has sucked me in and I want the book in hand....now. I am extremely impressed with your attention to detail and you descriptions of, normally mundane, observances are excellent. Well done.
Best of luck to you and I hope this is picked up.
Laura Markovitch - The Waiting Room

Jeques wrote 22 days ago

Congratulations for making it on the top rank for HarperCollins book review this month! The book deserves to get there. Good Success.

I wish the book and the author well.

~ Jeques

hordak1972 wrote 22 days ago

Just to tell you about how I review then I will go into my thoughts. I read the first 3 chapters then I ask myself do I wish to read on. The answer to this question is yes, because I went on and looked at the fourth chapter. The main things I will point out are items that I myself have been hit on. But later I went on and found out that these errors were valid. However, everything I state is just my opinion. Besides, it shouldn't matter when you're ranked number 1. Plus, your on over 174 watchlist and on 160 + bookshelves.

As stated I read the first 3 chapters and took a look at the fourth. I am not sure how much my end but we'll help but I will Add it.

To begin, Chapter 2 Start off in first person. Then chapter 4 Starts in third person. However, This seems to work 4 you. I don't believe this will work with the editors. I would also recommend using shorter sentences. In chapter 4, You mentioned his dress gown is too small. This should be the start of a new paragraph. You have several paragraphs that are too lengthy, and can be broken down into smaller paragraphs.

Lastly, I may have missed something but, I had no idea who Napoleon was in this story. Bruno was introduced in chapter 2. We have no introduction 4 napoleon, I can only assume he is a cat.

Well these are my thoughts. Oh also, I believe you could use more dialogue and interaction between characters in your story

writingbear wrote 23 days ago

Checked out your excellent book and it is now on my shelf. Good writing! Please check out my novel, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. Your help will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

Steph Merrix wrote 25 days ago

Hi
Thanks for your message - I have read the first three chapters and I really enjoyed it ! You have a very good writing style and set a nice pace for your story , the main characters is well etabllished and in a lot of ways some one you could easily relate to.- overall very impressive - I have starred this and will put it on my watchlist

Good luck
Steph

JohnLucasHargis wrote 26 days ago

Initial thoughts:

Extremeley well-written. The Poet has just enough detail for the senses--just enough flash to paint the scene without becoming garish or overwrought.

My favorite moment in the book occurs in Chapter 5, when the MC's attempt at a paltry poem is trumped by the outpouring of words that can't be dismissed. This is a great way to present the turning point, when his inner, hidden self is thrust into the world whether he likes it or not. I love that his most closely held secret betrays him.

Fantastic. Backed.

~Lucas
http://www.authonomy.com/books/41102/capritare-the-cycles-begin/

Christine May wrote 27 days ago

Interesting! Your writing reminds me of how the brain stores memory. A big puzzle. yet one we all endure.You had the insight to put it in print.
Wish you all the best!
Christine May
Five short stories with a twist

ShebaDiva2 wrote 27 days ago

The descriptive detail in this book is so finely observed. Although there is no powerful action at the beginning, no dramatic hook, the writer drew me in to the scenes and captured my attention fully. The plot is sometimes buried under such attention to detail but the story is not difficult to follow. I thought the backstory and present were well balanced and cleverly presented. Suspence build nicely. I could empathise with the quiet, passive observing nature of The Poet. (Hardly any errors (fag end of year or fag end of the year?). Continuing to back this lovely book.

Jonathan Lee wrote 29 days ago

Andrew, you asked for my comments and due to eyesight problems I'll keep it brief. I absolutely loved this, so well written, superb characterisation, gripping story which in contrast to other comments took no time at all for me to get into.

As with Tammy's Charlie and Pearl - it is immediately clear that you have a writing talent and should without question be published.

Please check out The Radio if you get a chance. Good luck.

Alexander wrote 29 days ago

A bit difficult to get into, but once you're in the water's fine. I like what I've read so far. You have a good eye for detail and handle dialogue extremely well.

Alexander wrote 29 days ago

A bit difficult to get into, but once you're in the water's fine. I like what I've read so far. You have a good eye for detail and handle dialogue extremely well.

patio wrote 29 days ago

backed!!!

julie3201 wrote 30 days ago

Andrew, You had asked that I read your story and comment and so here it is. Let me say that you are an excellent writer. You have a real gift. That is very evident. The problem for me is that I like clarity, and in this story I see very little of that. I realize that this is written in such a way to express the creative mindset of your character, but for me, it just goes too far. "a horseshoe of mockery in a netball cage or a zigzag of rowdy hate in the dinner line.." or, "he tries to make sense of drunken-drawn shapes and shadows of mottled hues." and on and on it goes. It's just too hard for me to stay with it. Maybe my own intellect cannot rise to the challenge, but I find it exhausting. I do also object to the curse words, but that is as well a personal preference. I would only say you could do very well without that. Let me say once again, I admire your ability as a writer. It just happens that this particular story is difficult for me to read. I do wish you the best and thank you for the invitation to read your book. julie

GILLIAN.M.H wrote 30 days ago

Sarah sounds like a bully, dictating what her younger brother should wear, making him think 'Mummy said...' Your hero has a sense of being powerless all round. He has a sense of powerlessness - given a pet dog, but not allowed to name it himself. The first chapter is beautifully written, and reminds me of a series in the Reader's Digest called 'Towards more Picturesque Speech.
The atmosphere changes to a very sombre one, in chapter two. The children being told to write poems for the headmaster when he was sacked for mis-conduct is creepy! But I suppose it might happen at a real school to keep up appearances.

Your story develops at a steady pace, not trying to cram too much in each chapter.

chvolkoff wrote 31 days ago

He likes Holden Caulfield more than the Cat in the Hat. Not surprising :)
The protagonist is real, and if this was written in the first person, it would sound like an autobiography, or an on the spot journal, written by the Poet himself, precise like a videotape. Anyone who has ever felt different, other than the norm can identify with this...the true sign of art. Good work, and on my shelf.

chvolkoff wrote 31 days ago

He likes Holden Caulfield more than the Cat in the Hat. Not surprising :)
The protagonist is real, and if this was written in the first person, it would sound like an autobiography, or an on the spot journal, written by the Poet himself, precise like a videotape. Anyone who has ever felt different, other than the norm can identify with this...the true sign of art. Good work, and on my shelf.

tyleradams wrote 31 days ago

Love the simple but graphic hook of the poem. Not much else I can add to the impressive list of accolades. Best wishes on publishing. Backed with pleasure.

tyler (The Paths We Chose)

Candymace wrote 31 days ago

I love the carefully observed detail in this novel. It sounded almost like a transcript of a regression tape at the beginning. All the details really brought me into the space. Really well written. I liked the copperplate 'G' sleeping figures. The switch from present to past tense is smooth and so is the 'I' to 'he'. The italics also make sense. It's so well structured. Really high quality material. Candy.

healthpolicymaven wrote 31 days ago

I have read to chapter 10 and I like the pacing of the way this story unfolds, remaining true to the child's narrative perspective. There is enough dramatic tension to keep the story moving along.It is always fun for an American to read English from the UK as the expressions are funny compared to our American language. i will add this book to my list.
Read and ranked.
Roberta

FdeMora wrote 31 days ago

The first part of the novel confused me a little. It was like stage directions. But it was intriguing.

When I got into the story I really enjoyed it. I liked the point of view you used, very immediate, very personal; perfect for your narrative. The dialogue was realistic and it was beautifully, oddly, human. It really reminded me of “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nigh-time” by Mark Haddon.

Oh no! Book is locked for editing?
...waits patiently...
...
Anyway, similar to Haddon’s, but perhaps not as light-hearted?
Some of your turns of phrase are just so beautifully visual for such mundane details – “a crocodile of ants”, “the jaundice blush of a kerbside streetlamp” – which I think brings into relief the personality of your main character.

The pacing is very slow and steady, which suits the thoughtful, literary style of the novel, but you still manage to create suspense to drive the reader on. I like the use of the prescripts (is that what we would call them) in bringing a different dimension to the narrative and the level of back-story you use in the shifts of time to give it dimension without overwhelming the reader.

It is no wonder your book has made it to the top five (and hopefully soon the desk). I think it’s an interesting story, well written and one which I will definitely like to have in physical form. I wish you every success.

Faina

ShinyMcShine wrote 31 days ago

It is abundantly clear from the opening chapters that this is truly well-crafted and destined to find an enthusiastic audience. Love, care and attention seeps from every paragraph. There is very little I can offer you in criticism and you should take it as a complement that this is the shortest comment I've written in weeks; I can offer nothing in terms of possible improvements.

I fully expect to see this on shelves in the future. Going to have to bump something from my own shelf.

Douglas Cairns
Leverage
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38786/leverage/

Dave Tarragon wrote 33 days ago

I have to say, I find this book a very involving read. I'm not any sort of author or English student, but I don't need to be to know that I would buy this book tomorrow.

PA Davis wrote 33 days ago

The Poet - by Andrew Stevens
Your preamble drew me in: a man, a hammer, and a struggle. Then there was a body - bloody and broken. It really goaded me to continue on.
I noted the dates (when you provided them) and enjoyed the fine quality of your narratives. The read moves slow: watching Bruno sleep, the grass needs grooming, he doesn't like the clothes his mother makes him wear. If not for the polished writing I might have stopped.
This is structured in an unusual way, but it is worth a goodly amount of stars and will sit on my shelf when space is available.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

Watchmaker wrote 33 days ago

The characters are so well described. I really felt for the boy in his struggle to be understood. Happy to back this until it gets its just rewards.

johnpatrick wrote 33 days ago

Hello Andrew,
Read chaps 1-4 last night. Note that you have done some editing this morning so some of my comments maybe redundant.
Fine writing, subtle tension and an enjoyable read. I agree with the glowing remarks from other reviewers-controlled, tight prose delivered with fine brush-strokes.
Things that stuck out for me, (and maybe me only):
coca cola - kids don't say this but you want this fastidious little boy to say it anyway. But it jars too much for me.
poxy - I never heard this as a kid and thought it was created especially by screenwriters for The Bill or Grange Hill to avoid the stronger widely used stuff. 'Div' hits the mark by comparison.
After all, what are big sisters for? - Sounds wooden and unrealistic. That sentiment could be conveyed in a careworn look.
Otherwise starred and on my WL.
Would be grateful if you could return the favour.
Good Luck,
John
Dropping Babies.

Greenleaf wrote 35 days ago

WOW! I've read the first few chapters and I know I'll read more. The character seems so real, the descriptions so interesting. I can see why the book is so successful. It hooks the reader from the start and keeps them hooked.

Heather McLoud wrote 35 days ago

No point in critting your writing. It is perfect so far. I’ll let you know if I see anything but I doubt I will.

One: An act of violence, certainly, but given mystery and weight by the sigh at the end. Perplexing, but in a good way.

Two: Introduction to the character’s long thoughts and an act of mercy by his big sister. The act of mercy makes me like her, makes me like him, in fact.

Three: One line, chilling. I love your (mis)use of the chapter headings. Creative and blunt.

Four: “…the rows of faces and haircuts…” This phrase made me happy. Much of this makes me happy but this one really popped for me.

Five: He treasures anonymity in a way which is foreign to me but which you make believable. I was, like your protagonist, an outlier in school. But I needed a sense of self-worth somewhere so I chose to flaunt my academic prowess. Which, of course, made me more of an outsider. I like this different course of action and wonder where he acquired the wisdom to choose it.

“He’d have preferred it if it had been.” Dear me, no. This contradicts your usual brisk economy of words: Instead, “He’d have preferred if it had been.”

Thank you, thank you for this read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your writing is superb, your character utterly well-drawn. And, as a dog lover, I have to say the dog really pops out as a real dog. I’ll certainly be picking this up again but for now…you’ve definitely earned a spot in my heart (and on my shelf).

N. O. Smay wrote 35 days ago

Andrew, your writing is beautiful. The reading was slow for me, not being a patient person, but I dove in through several chapters (after reading 1-15 in sequence) and at every turn, your prose held me. I was particularly enthralled by the relationship between Jamie and the Poet -- maybe the lack of other real connections was what had me skimming rather than reading other parts. The fault is my own, not yours -- just not my usual kind of romping read, but undeniably well written. Best of luck to you.

Tamria wrote 35 days ago

Very unusual but fantastic read. The shift in chapters between first- and third-person perspective is unsettling and one that you rarely see... I can only guess as to the author's intent. I haven't read enough yet to understand where the story is going, but it's definitely engaging and I will read more. Can't think of anything to criticize (and believe me I can be a tough critic), except perhaps the number of paragraphs and sentences that you begin with either "I" or "He." It's something I've always been taught to avoid. That said, you have an amazing flair and distinctive voice of which I am envious! I hope you'll take the time to read "Tamria" and let me know what you think of it. I'm adding this to my watchlist. (Would back it but all my "backings" are full at the moment... and I CAN see you're at the top of the slush-pile already. Good luck getting this published!)

James

davesealey wrote 36 days ago

I like the look of this Andrew, i'll give it a read and hit you back :)

healthpolicymaven wrote 36 days ago

This book is well paced and by chapter four I was really enjoying it, especially the OCD character. This has universal applications even though some of the words are strictly for the UK crowd. I rated and am backing the book.
Best of luck
Roberta

Tito wrote 39 days ago

The prose is perfect. Very assured writing delivering a wonderful story with well drawn images. Excellent.

Rosie Ward wrote 40 days ago

Working with children helped me understand how metaphors are born; in their imagination. They either die as they mature or they become gifted writers. This is an amazing insite into the mind of a child which does it better than Roddy Doyle. The child is in a constant stream of consciousness that adults can relate to because they did it themselves. I'm up to chapter 4 and I love it!!

Kitchenwych wrote 41 days ago

I've read up to Chapter 12 in one go - I found it absorbing and exciting and it scares me - but that's good! I read it with a sense of precariousness which makes it difficult to stop reading. I shall be making The Poet the first book on my 'bookshelf'.

Lisa-Marya wrote 42 days ago

Andrew - Superb prose (of course!). Graphic adjects and imagery - "painted itself". Powerful mysterious violence. Iu ch.2 I wondered if boy's thoughts was a mite too long.

AudreyB wrote 43 days ago
bdavis11 wrote 43 days ago

I really liked your pitch! Sounds interesting! I have a couple reads ahead of you, but I will definitely get to yours.

Beth Davis
I Never Saw It Coming

Victoria Hunter wrote 43 days ago

This is a very interesting book Andrew with lots of great writing in it. A really solid talent for so many different aspect of writing is obvious. Congratulations. I'm giving it six stars purely for virtuosity.
What I like about it :
The denseness, the dark, endless winter feel of some parts of it.
The characters and relationships are all very well drawn and the dialogue is very effective.
Good contrast between the summery first chapter/childhood and the next chapter’s cold morning.
The attention to detail and the rather measured pace fits the narrator’s personality and reads extremely well.
The character’s different roles in his three main relationships emerge nicely – I really like the way that is shown. Also the way he struggles with his relationships and with his anxiety are very convincing. There is so much dimension and depth to his character – a really wonderful and empathic psychological study/creation.
Internal monologue (even though it’s in the third person technically) is a hard thing to keep going but I think you commit to it and keep it going with a lot of conviction. I also think you move from internal to external effortlessly.
There is some great imagery and lots of very good writing
eg:
– the young boys face under the ice – beautifully written, fantastic imagery

– lot of really good idiomatic phrases – especially as as an aussie I have never heard or them – eg – a little under mind your business in weight/all wet paws and whirlybird tail – really effective convincing writing
Moving from the present to the past works nicely and you don’t give away too much or keep too much hidden.

Bravo!!!!!

A couple of things that jar
Breath wet on a ski mask balaclava (I think you could maybe do without this phrase but if you have to have it it should be ski mask or balaclava)
jaundiced blush of a street lamp (maybe a little too writerly? possibly some of these descriptive phrases could be pared down a little in places. but not too much)

Chapter nine I really like ch 9 actually but I know what you’re trying to do with the bubble of snot but I as a reader somehow don’t want it to be there.
I definitely think this book deserves to be shelved, but I don’t want to kick anyone off my shelf this week so I’m keeping my eye on where you’re at on the charts – I hope that’s ok.

David J Baron wrote 45 days ago

Hi Andrew

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

divilthebit wrote 45 days ago

A marvellous and assured opening. Little details are all in order ie geammar/punctuation. Well paced and intense you drew mw along willing for more. The sort of crisp writing that deserves to do well. As a parent it's easy to fotget the child's eye view in the strom of modernity but you ignite it here. Backed,

marfleet wrote 46 days ago

Thank you for the invite to read this. It is not a genre that I would normally read without a recommendation from someone who knows me so I am happy to not have missed this.
The style was a little off putting at first as it had a very repetitive meter for quite a while but then I related this to the title and thought of it as almost a stanza (intended or not) and read on. The prologue set a contrast that creates the curiosity that pushes it along and then the dialogue opens it up and from then on it is a great read.
The initial heavy feeling may also be the effect of reading on-line, something I am not fond of, and this might be something that all should keep in mind if they are like me and get tired eyes when reading (not skimming) on-line.
A great read (about half way through and will continue) that I would be happy to recommend.

Linda Lou wrote 46 days ago

THE POET
hullo Andrew. Ok, I'm here. just finished some fresh bread so my mind is clear. But, not so for your young character. Your intense wording lost me here and there but that is probally since over here we call it a curb, y'all call it a kerb. But, I read a young psychopath developing and learning from those around him. I look forward to reading more. Starred to push along. Very good. Andrew. LLL

Dianna Lanser wrote 47 days ago

Andrew,

I just finished rereading what you have posted (I read through chapter seven in late November)

I don’t know what the Poet turns out to be, but the rhythm and tone of your voice (and the prologue) make me think the worst… Yikes!

If this is the case, you are doing a wonderful job “showing” the descent of a boy’s haunted soul. I really get the feeling that the boy’s budding awareness of power is going to be the catalyst of an addictive obsession. I wish I could find out if I’m right! And oh, how I wish I could get to the bottom of his fears and visions…

Anyway, I think I told you this before, but your writing is really outstanding. The way the Poet catches every detail - from the cuckoos that take turns filling the morning with their funny little song - to the way he notices how his sister’s fingers and thumb get all squirmy in front of her chest at the mention of Terry Finch’s name. He’s a smart kid.

I like how you italicize some of his inner thoughts. Although they seem normal, it still gives a sense of randomness and most likely brokenness.

I tried to whip through this book, but found it completely impossible. Your words are so carefully and efficiently used that even to miss one line lead to dissatisfaction. What I mean to say is your sentences are so packed tight with beautiful details, that I didn’t want to miss a single one.

One more thing, this American would really like to know, “What are milk teeth?”

I think I gave you six stars earlier, so they remain. And my allegiance begins now.

Dianna

FrancesK wrote 47 days ago

This is a minutely observed, disturbing, intriguing narrative. The Poet - well, if I was his mother, I would be seriously worried. Or does she know what it is that happened that has made him into the OCD-tormented, anxious, unhappy adolescent he is? You've created a character who is very much alive and complete, with preoccupations that are on the one hand entirely those of his age and situation, natural and normal, but every so often tipping over into the unhealthy and obsessive... Skilfully done, with loads [sometimes a little too much] of visual imagery. The dead deer scene is particularly good.
But - and this for me is a big but. When I start a new book, I have that feeling of being in a theatre with the curtain about to rise - and up it goes, and we are in a world we have never seen before, drinking it in, looking for clues, and longing to be totally immersed in a world of senses and imagination - intelligence only at the periphery. So I dive in, but with your prologue, I am immediately asked to do the one thing I hate doing - maths. There's a date, and then, a few lines later, another date, then, a few pages later, another date... which came first?, how many years does that make?, why does it start somewhere, then go somewhere else? And this part of my brain is stopping me from losing myself in your story. Not until the Poet as his teenage self makes his appearance could I let go and read and sink into it. If you are still thinking of editing [and with this book so high in the rankings, there is no reason why you should be], then why not cut the prologue and the first narrative from the 8 year old? Lets start with the poet. Anyway, that is my two pennyworth, I think the story is strong and would definitely like to know what happens... best of luck this month. Frances K...

Alaric Gee wrote 48 days ago

I have only read a little, but enough to I admire your frugile, effective, economic, choice use of words that are just right. Especially in the opening paragraph. They paint the picture in full color and exquisitely render the atmosphere where the story exists. Please sample my work and back it if you so feel inclined.

Ellie S Lee wrote 49 days ago

Andrew, I am so pleased to have been able to read all that you’ve uploaded here and am sorry it’s taken me so long to post a comment. The suspense is building nicely in a credible, understated way and your sense of period/time is impeccable, the character of the Poet is sympathetically and well drawn but what I like most of all, what I really love, is the way you use the language. Your original word combinations, your metaphors and similes are a delight, simply beautiful. I have starred this highly and backed it a while back. I’m not at all surprised The Poet has reached its present position and will look forward to reading your HC review.

Regards
Ellie

Nightdream wrote 50 days ago

Not sure what a balaclava is but it sure rolls off the tongue nicely. :) The intro paragraph set some nice images. At first I wasn’t digging it at all, just too much poetic writing for me but once it all began to tell a story it worked for me, especially the last line. That sentence told me more than I thought it would.

June 1975? So now earlier on. So who was this person who killed? Why would they kill? Why seem tired? Why shaking it’s head at the dead body? Why leaving before someone else came down the hall? All these things brood in my head.

Curious about the mom not allowing him to call him Buck. Just because he doesn’t LOOK like a Buck. That made me confused about the mother’s character. Is she that harsh? It sounds stupid that someone would not allow their kid to call a dog a certain name because the name their kid chose doesn’t fit with their look. :/ But I LOVE the visual of that first paragraph. It sets the tone for the entire story. I know right off the bat one kind of story I will be reading. I don’t read literary pieces except when I’m forced in school. however, it doesn’t mean I don’t like them, just that I prefer different genres. This on the other hand is good writing so I will continue.

And then he continues with the name Bruno. So he went against his mom which is good. I just don’t like how you say ‘but Mummy said I couldn’t’. If she said he couldn’t, then does that mean he doesn’t call the dog Bruno when mummy is around?

“as he breathes THOUGH his nose” typo.

OKAY . . . . here is the controversy. Mummy comes in again and whenever she does AT FIRST I will be confused because of what she thought in the first paragraph. I think it’s really important that you fix/explain it so we understand the mummy or I will never believe her. So when he says his ‘mum says he’s still growing and needs . . ..” I don’t believe her. I actually don’t know what to believe. Is she a mature mom? smart? Can’t be because she said NO to calling the dog Buck. again, I don’t think you meant this. it’s just the word ‘couldn’t’ that is bothering me. maybe use words like ‘didn’t think that was a good name’. ‘Couldn’t’ is an absolute. okay, no more on this SMALL problem. sorry. lol. moving on. . . .

Love the connection with the neighbor with the hammer and the hammer in the murder montage in the beginning.

“I supposed Mummy was right. I do need . . .” put in ‘:’ in place of the period.

Like the description: chalky smoke trail in the sky. PERFECT visual.

Glad you started dialogue right when you did. I was about to say that this story needs to start picking up. Then poof! you give it to me.

Curious: would he really make up a story to his friends why he got a black eye? Is getting it from his bed that shameful? . . .. Never mind. just read on and now I kind of understand why he would lie. :)

Got to chap3. Not bad at all. Your talent is your description. you can really give the reader a good visual. you have great metaphors and a good story structure going on. The two different time periods work very well together. 6 stars.